#btw would anybody be interested in a second reblog of this with the family recipe I mentioned before? like. a more detailed version?

[opalfairy]

I don't have a complicated relationship with food. I've never had it (which is really fucking bonkers looking at *checks notes* most of my family). HOWEVER, I do have a terrible relationship with cooking.

I don't hate it exactly, and I even find the activity to be relatively fun once in a while. But overall, cooking stresses me a lot: I am terrified of ovens and the sound of oil in pans (the idea of burning myself greatly terrifies me for some reason, like, more than average), cutting onions makes me cry so hard that my tears don't let me see (which is awful because 1. I use onions in many foods and 2. My tears also tend to burn my eyes, which causes more pain and even more tears), and because of autism there are certain textures and smells in uncooked ingredients that I cannot tolerate (or if I can, it is with a lot of effort and coping mechanisms [for example: raw egg is a nightmare both in smell and in texture {oh, how I hate slimy textures} and as a general rule, I don't deal with raw meat except in very specific forms {like ground meat or those chicken breasts that have already been processed to only have the meat (and even then it is an effort)}]), not to mention, having to think of what to make every day, as well as making sure that it's not the same thing over and over is exhausting.

And yet watching dungeon meshi (I started the manga last year, but then midterm season started, and I had to leave it on pause) made me want to cook! It made me want to do it even if it hurt, even if it was exhausting, even if I was afraid.

It was during the mandrake and bat meat episode. I saw senshi start cutting the meat and adding the mandrake, and then shaping the meat into balls and then adding panko (there may have been more steps, I don't remember) and I remember thinking "ooh, the mandrake looks like ginger... and those look like the homemade patties that I make... I never thought of adding ginger to those... that sounds really delicious tbh... wait. I have all the ingredients for that right here" And you know what I did (after finishing the episode, of course)? I got up and started making lunch.

I did cut the onion into puree, and also the garlic and, of course, the ginger. I did get the minced meat and an egg, and after taking a deep breath to steel my nerves, I mixed everything with my own two hands. (Unfortunately, I didn't have panko, and we were out of bread in my house, so I couldn't make my own either, but still) I did all of that on my own. Then I took a pan and put oil in it and put the newly formed patties in it, also by hand! And the pan sizzled, of course it did, but I stayed firm and cooked those balls of meat into perfection!

And then I served them (with rice [you always need a base and I like those patties with rice more than with pasta or potatoes] and tomato salad), and they tasted great! And what's more, I wasn't left exhausted or overwhelmed, but proud!

My relationship with cooking is better now. It's not perfect, of course it isn't, I mean, something like that can not be automatically solved so quickly. But it's better, and I'm making progress, and I don't dread as much the moment of the day when I have to get to the kitchen and start cooking.

So I got into dungeon meshi and i’ve been telling everyone who I talk to. I love everything about the world, characters, the art, etc.

BUT

People are not kidding when they say that senshi will manifest in your head to tell you to eat better. Like I have a hard time remembering to eat but my brain would be like “you haven’t eaten in some hours, you need a meal” and I would be like you’re very right internal senshi I’m gonna see what I can make. Then I make food??? Honestly Gods sent senshi for helping so many people eat better