#btw that wasn't a diss to other wills btw i love my wills the way he gets into the mind of who hes pursuing is just too funny to me.

[violence-infatuation]

William Petersen as Will Graham in Manhunter (1986)

[mayapapaya33]

THIS. YES! To build on this theme:

This is why I love Vax and Gilmore's relationship and why Vax being with Keyleth took so damn long to grow on me. It's because I needed to accept that they were a Shakespearean tragedy. Their love fed into each other's worst qualities. They were ride or die in the worst way. They constantly backed each other's decisions no matter how stupid or self-destructive they were. That's the major difference between them and say, Percy and Vex.

They love each other dearly and made a pact to call each other out on their bullshit, to keep each other in line, because they trust that the other will keep them from going too far. Keyleth and Vax, meanwhile, see each other going too far and say, that's my love, we're in this together, let's see this through till the end, also I raise you THIS: and do something equally or more insane and destructive. As the campaign progressed, Vax and Keyleth spiraled into each other like two blackholes and I knew it was going to end in tragedy somehow. I couldn't articulate it, but I could feel it.

Compare Vax talking to Keyleth about how she's "never done anything wrong ever in her life and has nothing to apologize for" or whatever (that's not a direct quote but it might as well be lol) vs Vax and Gilmore having long complicated conversations about Vax's conflicted feelings and morals and working out what the right thing to do is while still being kind, compassionate, and loving. It's actually the same problem that Vax ended up having with Vex (or rather, the problem Vex had with Vax). She needed him to see her as a complicated being with failings and he wasn't willing to do that because he loved her so much and needed her. Percy was the one who filled that need in her to be seen for who she truly was, warts and all. Vax and Keyleth's love almost declared the thought of proverbial warts to be ridiculous and insulting! How dare you imply the person I love might be flawed!

Choosing Keyleth meant embracing Death, and choosing Gilmore meant embracing Life, and Vax couldn't do that. He'd been running towards the Matron his whole life.

In order to be with Gilmore, Vax would have needed to change and grow, in a healthy way. And that just wasn't in the cards for him. This is NOT a diss on Keyleth btw, his mental health is not her fault nor is it her responsibility! To be with Shaun, he would have had to stop throwing himself into the Matron of Ravens' arms every chance he got and instead tried to LIVE. I don't mean stop adventuring; I mean stop hurling himself towards Death with reckless abandonment. He didn't need to do that to be with Keyleth, and in the end, that's one of the reasons he's dead.

(Again I am NOT blaming Keyleth for Vax's mental health problems, I am saying that the nature of their relationship facilitated them and a relationship with Gilmore wouldn't have).

This might be a dumb thing to say on fictional characters and I might be reading too much into it but you know I fucking love it.

How I see it, in the end, Vax was drawn to Keilith because she saw him as he saw him self: dead. Not that Keilith wanted Vax to be dead, but from the start she had this awareness of Vax mortality compared to hers and he leans into it because he had that death wish and found comfort in how Keilith was preparing for it before it was even a thing.

While Gilmore saw Vax as alive: to him he was his smiling boy, flirty, charming, gallant and funny. And Gilmore refuses until the very end to accept that he wants to die in the frey. He always talks to him as he's going to come back and see him again.