#btw that app is honestly atrocious to use

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Jimin is fucking amazing.

[collectionbelladonna]

one day at a time.

I know what I have to do to turn my life around. I know that I'll have to make sacrifices and I'm willing to do so, I just wish it didn't feel like I'm scraping my way into a black hole. I owe so much money it's painful. I'm not out of any of my debt and I'm accruing interest like no one's business. It really sucks when I can't afford to do anything I want to do, or anything I planned to do. I'm trying to make some money on the side but it's slow going. I've only ever sold three paintings in my life and this one (while worth the most) is being sold to my sister. I fear she won't actually pay for the painting and will want is as a gift. I'm going to charge $300 for it. I'm spending a lot of time and a lot of effort on this thing when I also have a dozen other projects I'm intending to work on.

Suffice to say, I have a lot of work to do. I plan on doing a no-spend month. Starting yesterday, I am not going to spend a single dollar that isn't extremely essential. Namely, gas. I am not going to drive anywhere except work for the next two weeks. I have faked being sick the last couple of days to avoid having to drive anywhere. My car needs gas desperately and I have some cash to cover it, but only it. I can't afford anything other than gas right now. Until I get paid again on the 21st, I'm shit out of luck. And I refuse to ask Hutch for more help. He's already paid my car insurance (which I thankfully cut in half earlier this month), but I do not want him to pay for anything else if I can avoid it. I already life for free under this roof. I pay for my bills and little else. I've been the one who's decorated our apartment, and I pay for majority of the TV subscriptions we use on a regular basis, but other than that I don't pay for anything. Rent, utilities, groceries (most of the time) are completely covered by Hutch. And it sucks when I'm left feeling like I can't do anything but pay for bills. I need to start saving my money. As soon as this next paycheck comes through, I'm paying for my government loan, and putting $300 into my savings. Every second paycheck I think I can do that. Logically, I should have around $975 left over once all bills and expected expenses go through. So where has that money gone? Well, I was atrocious in August. I spent so far over my means it's actually embarrassing. Now my credit card is maxed out, I'm late on one loan, and I'm barely scraping by for this month. I am paying for my recklessness. I shouldn't have flown to Louisiana. I shouldn't have splurged so much on coffee. I also shouldn't have spent so much on supplies for the Renaissance fair costume I'm making for Hutch (which I have yet to start, btw.) I made such poor decisions that I am suffering now because of them.

So, to combat this, I've decided to do a no-spend month this month. Which means what isn't already allocated for bills and/or the single going-out day I have planned, I am not spending a dime. I've unsubscribed to most of the subscriptions I had. I am not planning on going anywhere but work. I have to get my car inspected and renew my registration, but other than that, I'm doing *nothing*. I'm not paying for coffee, I'm not going to Walmart or Target unnecessarily, I'm not going to Adele's every other weekend like I used to (only to spend so much money in gas and food), and I'm certainly not going to do any online shopping. No Amazon, no app purchases, nothing. I am going to fix this situation if it's the last thing I do. I have to be more disciplined if we ever expect to move in a house or if I expect to be able to take care of myself without needlessly needing Hutch's financial help.

I can do this. Honestly I need to. I don't have much choice in the matter because my entire situation has been nothing short of embarrassing for years. And it ends now. It ends with me saying enough. It ends with me finally seeing the light that I can live a good and fulfilling life without all the extra crap in the way. I can do this.