#btw my apologies to anyone who's clutching their head reading my attempt at antiquated dialect

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am i the asshole f'r getting mine own neighbour burn'd at the stake?

i wenteth to the farm'rs marketeth lasteth weekend, and hath bought mine own goat - daisy. I intend'd to selleth the cheese yond the lady maketh. Mine own neighbour claim'd yond t wast in fact h'r goat yond wond'r'd off of h'r landeth, and the lady wouldst liketh t backeth.

i didst not wisheth to shareth the cheese, and toldeth h'r to leaveth me beest.

i didst some bethinking, and realis'd the lady may has't been a beldams! how didst the lady knoweth yond daisy hath appeared at mine own doth'r lasteth weekend? daisy wast a gift from god, i sayeth!

i rep'rt'd h'r to the church and yest'rday the lady wast burn'd at the stake.

though i feeleth guilty. P'rhaps i wrongly accus'd h'r? h'r 16 children art v'ry upseteth (though, those gents shouldst beest greatly joyous as those gents receiveth half a bean m're f'r dinn'r) and i am not making much wage on the cheese.

so. Am i the asshole?