#btw jax is trans its not nesscaserily important but still

[officially-going-to-bed]

On the morning of Jax’s funeral, I layed in bed and sobbed. I thought about everything we had done. My shining knight, my best friend. He’d been with me my whole life. All the times we had played dolls and painted together. All the movies we watched and all the late nights together. He was gone for good. 

He was there for me when I fell out of the big oak in my yard and I was there when he jumped out of it to save me and broke his collarbone. 

I was there when his mom kicked him out and he was there when my dad passed.

We had each other. That’s all we needed. I only wish it could’ve been forever. I wish I could still see his face, hear his cheer from the audience, hold him when the nightmares were just too much. 

I almost couldn’t bring myself to go to the funeral. 

“When I die, bury me in a super fancy coffin, my dad is rich.” We sat and talked about plans. 

“But I’d miss you!” I protested. 

“Fine, you can keep, like, a toe,” he amended, “Actually, no. Donate my body so less people have to deal with this.” We agreed that would be best and he went over it with his dad and his step-mom. They agreed too. 

The funeral was open casket. His dad told me it would be. I didn’t think I could look in the casket. I had just walked in and I was crying. I took a breath and looked. Bad choice. He didn’t look like Jax. He didn’t look like Jax. I would never see my Jax again. Ever. I sobbed.

I spoke during the service. I cried through the whole thing.

“Jax was my best friend. He meant the world to me. We’d been friends since we were 2. We spent almost every day together. We made dumb choices, we acted together, we walked home from school together. I miss him more than anything. I wish we could’ve had just a year. 2 years. Anything, really. I just want more time with him.” I couldn’t finish the rest of the speech. Jax was gone forever.