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fesahaawit · 7 years

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Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance

What if you woke up this morning to the following:

1/2 the emails to respond to in your inbox

1/2 the decisions to make for the day

1/2 the time you need to spend even working today

and 1/2 the added stress and pressure

And then let’s say someone paid you in the 6 figures to receive all of this.

Would you take it? :)

Now let’s say you had to give up OWNERSHIP of a project for it that was relatively successful and a huge part of your life and business for the past 4 years, of which still has oodles of potential for growth and helping everyone in your community, thereby possibly going down as one of the biggest blunders of your entrepreneurial life where everyone from that point forward points and laughs at you every day for the rest of your life.

Would that change anything? :)

Well, either way, we’re about to find out as I officially sold the 2nd best website in the world this morning, RockstarFinance.com – a museum of personal finance articles and resources – effectively FIRE’ing myself from President and CEO down to humble little “Advisor.”

And I cannot wait to see what the future now holds!!!

(I put “FIRE’ing” there btw, because this move will not only open up 50% more freedom *time* wise, but also pushes us a tad bit closer to the epic freedom that all of us here are shooting for – *financial* freedom. We’re still not there yet, but this certainly puts us more into the running :))

Now of course there’s a lot more to the story here, which also effects a lot more people than just me, so let me try and brain dump everything on ya here and see if I can answer a lot of the questions that I’m sure will soon be bubbling up here in the next few moments…

If I miss anything, just hit me in the comments below as you know I’m an open book!

Take it away J. Money alter-ego…

#1) WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, MAN???

I sold Rockstar Finance to a friend of mine in an attempt to trade my hustle card in for more of a living card.

#2) When did this all go down??

We signed everything last week, but we’re making it all public this morning which has been many months in the making. Pretty much since that fateful day of “The Hike” when I realized I had my priorities all kinds of backwards and knew I had to make some big moves if I truly wanted some big results.

I had considered handing it off a number of other times throughout it’s 4 year existence too, but I loved it too much and each time I just couldn’t pull the trigger as it never felt right.

#3) What other times are you talking about?

In 2015 I was handling every aspect of the site and almost sold the whole thing for $5,000 because I was close to burning out. Fortunately my friend Cait Flanders stepped in and convinced me to keep going, and with her on my side that is exactly what we did :)

Then in 2016 I got the “deal of a lifetime” where I originally accepted a million dollars for all my projects and a 2 year commitment to blog for someone else, which as you know I ended up dipping out of at the last minute and decided to go ALL IN with my own projects instead.

And this is what we did for all of 2017! We launched every single project I had wanted to do over the years, and we added it all to Rockstar Finance so it would have a much farther reach to people (and not attached to “me” specifically). This is when we launched our personal finance and blogging forums, our Directory that now tracks 1,400 other finance blogs as well as the most popular podcasts, apps and books, and then of course we rocked our Community Fund which ended up giving out over $14,000 of assistance to those who needed it in our community.

We were on fire!!! Until I almost had a break down – again ;)

#4) And this time you truly feel it’s “right”?

I do, yes…as close as 100% as you can get, at least.

#5) What would make it even *more* right?

If I knew no one would hate me for making this move!! :) Or I got like triple the money for it, haha…

#6) Speaking of money, how much exactly did you get for it?

In the (very) low 6 figures.

#7) I said Exact, don’t you play that card!

Hey – you know how these contract things go! But I bet if you pay attention enough to the numbers in our next net worth report you can get a pretty good idea :) Though don’t forget about the taxes or paying out some of my team members too which was important to me…

#8) How much tax will you have to pay from it?

About 25%.

#9) And the % you gave to your team members?

20%… wait a minute!! I see what you’re doing there!

*Takes a bow*

#10) Alright, now why was THIS TIME the right time to sell again?

There’s a handful of reasons, that when combined just made the most sense:

I’m having a 3rd baby in a few months and really want to try being a stay-at-home dad

But to do that I had to figure out how best to cut 50% of my time and responsibilities out, meaning one of my internet babies had to go :( And I just couldn’t give up the one site that started it all for me – Budgets Are Sexy! My first love! (And I also didn’t like the idea of just hiring on a new leader or team for Rockstar, because in my experience if you don’t have ownership of something you don’t give it all you’ve got)

I also felt I took Rockstar Finance as far as I could with my energy and talents, and it was about to go into “maintenance” mode which would have done it a big disservice for people. Especially due to all its potential that we never got to tap. So handing it off to a new leader to continue its legacy just made the most sense to me.

Lastly, and this is going to sound silly, but I REALLY want to enjoy the site and all the resources we put together as a “regular” reader without having to do any work for it! Haha… I built it exactly for us personal finance enthusiasts, but I’ve never been able to stop and enjoy it as I’ve always been in the thick of it during its entire lifetime… I’m so excited to get the daily digest tomorrow and not know what’s in it! :)

#11) I’m glad you mentioned this “new leadership”… Who exactly bought it from you and is taking over the site now?

My good friend, and blogger veteran, John from ESIMoney.com. Someone who’s not only been with this community longer than I have going on 12+ years now (!), but also someone I know is “in it for the right reasons” and not going to add it to the infamous Site Selling Wall of Shame, haha… Which let’s face it, most sites go when new owners take over!

#12) And how do you know this “John” character won’t be adding it to this Wall of Shame?

Because I know him and trust him, and I know on a list of his priorities, money is at the bottom of it as an early retiree with plenty of millions in the bank already :) Which is usually why sites go down in flames with new ownership – they just plaster it all with ads!!

And due to this new found “retirement”, it also means he has plenty of time to dedicate to it and is already working on a number of new features I was never able to pull off myself. It’s pretty much going to be a turbocharged version of how it is today, and at worst it’ll be the same as it is today if nothing pans out, which is a pretty good worst case scenario.

So between all that, and the fact he wants to pass this site down to his kids one day to continue its legacy, it’s the best a creator can really ask for :)

He actually has a post live right now too if you want to hear his side of the story – it’s going to be a fun project to work on together! Why I Bought Rockstar Finance

#13) Wait wait wait, what’s this “together” part here? I thought you just sold it and are moving on?

Nope. I sold it, yes, but I’m still helping out with everything, just more in an “advisory” type role than a day-to-day one. Which pretty much means I get to do all the fun parts like brainstorming and scheming and connecting the dots, only I don’t have to do any of the work in actually making it happen :) I’m actually quite impressed with myself in pulling this off! Haha… And as a minimalist, it’s actually a pretty freeing feeling because “stuff” applies to internet and brain assets too!!

But ask me in 6 months how it’s all going and we’ll know more then ;)

#14) How do you think it’ll be in 6 months?

I’m *hoping* that I’ll be much more relaxed and creative and our blog here will be flourishing even more at Budgets Are Sexy – since this is literally the first time in 8 years it’ll be the only project I’m working on! – and that I’m also hitting inbox zero every single day and have a baby who sleeps 12 hours straight a night, but only time will tell ;)

I can tell you out of every move I’ve ever made with work-stuff though, this one sets me up closer to the “ideal lifestyle” than any others… I’m literally getting paid to do half the work!! And I still get to be a big part of a community I helped create!

#15) Okay, we’ll come back in 6 months and see how it’s really going :) Getting back to the projects of Rockstar Finance again real quick, what about that Community Event you guys just launched where you gave 20+ bloggers $100 in cash to go out and do something helpful with it? Is that still going on or has something changed with it now?

Nothing’s changed! We’ve set up a page that highlights all the results from our Community Fund over the past 12 months, and we’ll be adding all these new blog posts that people will be sharing to the tippy top of it all. And we’re hoping it moves us from $14,000 of Good to almost $20,000 of Good! A great way to go out with a bang this year!

(I will note, however, that we are phasing out the Community Fund for the 2018 year as far as being attached to Rockstar Finance (I’ll probably keep doing The Good behind the scenes and/or move some of the project here to this blog), but as a big philanthropy guy, John is already coming up with his own replacement project which I have no doubt will be doing some great stuff… Back at one of his original sites, he used to give out ½ of his earned profit every month so I know his heart is just as big as ours, if not bigger. He really is a good guy.)

Okay, I’m running out of questions here so we’re going to enter the Speed Round…

SQ#1: What’s going to happen to Cait Flanders who works on it?

She’s sticking around for another month or two, and will then be leaving too to focus on her own projects, specifically her new book that’s about to come out: The Year of Less (now open to pre-orders!!!)

It’s so pretty!

SQ#2. How about Nate who was working on strategy and The Community Fund?

He took up a pretty solid gig earlier in the year that he’s doing quite well at, so in a way he’s hustled himself out of working on the side as well :) You can find him anytime here: NateStPierre.me (people from the Love Drop days will remember him!)

SQ #3. And Steve, Rockstar’s resident Tech Guy?

He’s in it for the long haul at Rockstar! And will be taking a much more active role with the site, particularly with the Directory and the Forums, on top of his own fastly growing blog – ThinkSaveRetire.com. He was one of the guys I had actually talked to as well about possibly taking over Rockstar during my initial talks with people…

SQ#4. What did that process look like?

Once I knew it was time for me to leave, I hit up about 6 or 7 people in the community that I thought could be a good fit for it, and then I just had a butt ton of interviews and questions and spent the better part of 4 months really marinating on everything until John’s name eventually crept to the top. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do since being on the online world, but again – big dreams require big moves!

SQ #5. And where did your now famous Triad of Hustling come into play with all of this?

It was instrumental! Not in finding a new leader, but in getting me to the point where I realized what I had to do… Here’s the quick version of the Triad being applied towards Rockstar since I know you’re trying to make this a speed round ;)

Did it take up a lot of time? Yup. 3-4 hours a day, if you count all the thinking too

Did it make money? Enough to pay the team and a little left over, but not much. Though it was also not built originally to make money either – I had no idea it would grow to as large as it did!

Was it fun? Yes. Most days at least :) But again, to pass the Triad it needs to hit 2 of the 3 areas…

The Equalizer: Was it a HELL YEAH or a “no”? Well, the first few years it was close to a HELL YEAH, but over the past 6 months it turned into more of a Kinda Hell Yeah, which we all know it means some changes need to happen… And this is when the soul searching began.

You know, thinking about the Triad in terms of Rockstar I’m realizing that there’s one major factor that we haven’t even touched on: whether a project is successful or not.

Shutting down something that fails the Triad and is not successful anyways is one thing, but it’s a whole other when it IS successful yet still doesn’t make you happy in the end. Similar to the other years dilemma with me walking away from the podcast, M.O.N.E.Y. – remember that one?

So that’s also something for everyone here to be aware of, especially the entrepreneurs – just because your project is successful, however that may be defined, it still doesn’t necessarily mean you should be continuing it if in your hearts of hearts you know it’s not bringing you joy. I’ve shut down over two dozen projects or ideas over my 10 years in this game, but the only two I struggled with were the two that were booming on the outside! I think we need an equalizer for those beasts! Haha…

SQ #5: Last question … what do you want everyone to know here before we sign off and move the questions to the comments?

That no matter what happens with all this, know that I am so INCREDIBLY thankful for all of you here reading this, and for all of you who supported and encouraged me with Rockstar as well as all my other projects in years past.

Everything I’ve ever built has been to help our community here be as good as it can be, and I’m beyond grateful for the chance of even being *able to* do all this in the first place. Those of you who know my story know it was a pure accident* that I stumbled across this money stuff, but thank GOD I did and thank GOD I’m now surrounded with people I love and respect!! Some mistakes can be the best thing that happens to you! (Although I don’t want to test this decision in that department, haha..)

So thank you THANK YOU thank you for allowing me to do the one job I love more than anything else in this world, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for us :)

I wish John nothing but success ushering in the new era for the site, and I will see you guys here at Budgets Are Sexy every week going forward as usual too.

Questions/comments/concerns – drop them below or shoot me an email and I’ll hit you back!

XOXO,

****** *10 years ago I went looking for a 2 bedroom apartment to rent, and literally made a wrong turn bringing me into a townhouse community where I went on to buy a $350,000 place with no money down and no budget… Three months later I was online trying to get my act together, when voila – I stumbled across personal finance blogs! I’ve never been the same since ;)

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

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heliosfinance · 7 years

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Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance

What if you woke up this morning to the following:

1/2 the emails to respond to in your inbox

1/2 the decisions to make for the day

1/2 the time you need to spend even working today

and 1/2 the added stress and pressure

And then let’s say someone paid you in the 6 figures to receive all of this.

Would you take it? :)

Would that change anything? :)

And I cannot wait to see what the future now holds!!!

If I miss anything, just hit me in the comments below as you know I’m an open book!

Take it away J. Money alter-ego…

#1) WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, MAN???

I sold Rockstar Finance to a friend of mine in an attempt to trade my hustle card in for more of a living card.

#2) When did this all go down??

I had considered handing it off a number of other times throughout it’s 4 year existence too, but I loved it too much and each time I just couldn’t pull the trigger as it never felt right.

#3) What other times are you talking about?

We were on fire!!! Until I almost had a break down – again ;)

#4) And this time you truly feel it’s “right”?

I do, yes…as close as 100% as you can get, at least.

#5) What would make it even *more* right?

If I knew no one would hate me for making this move!! :) Or I got like triple the money for it, haha…

#6) Speaking of money, how much exactly did you get for it?

In the (very) low 6 figures.

#7) I said Exact, don’t you play that card!

#8) How much tax will you have to pay from it?

About 25%.

#9) And the % you gave to your team members?

20%… wait a minute!! I see what you’re doing there!

*Takes a bow*

#10) Alright, now why was THIS TIME the right time to sell again?

There’s a handful of reasons, that when combined just made the most sense:

I’m having a 3rd baby in a few months and really want to try being a stay-at-home dad

#11) I’m glad you mentioned this “new leadership”… Who exactly bought it from you and is taking over the site now?

#12) And how do you know this “John” character won’t be adding it to this Wall of Shame?

Because I know him and trust him, and I know on a list of priorities on his list, money is at the bottom of it as an early retiree with plenty of millions in the bank already :) Which is usually why sites go down in flames with new ownership – they just plaster it all with ads!!

So between all that, and the fact he wants to pass this site down to his kids one day to continue its legacy, it’s the best a creator can really ask for :)

He actually has a post live right now too if you want to hear his side of the story – it’s going to be a fun project to work on together! Why I Bought Rockstar Finance

#13) Wait wait wait, what’s this “together” part here? I thought you just sold it and are moving on?

But ask me in 6 months how it’s all going and we’ll know more then ;)

#14) How do you think it’ll be in 6 months?

Okay, I’m running out of questions here so we’re going to enter the Speed Round…

SQ#1: What’s going to happen to Cait Flanders who works on it?

It’s so pretty!

SQ#2. How about Nate who was working on strategy and The Community Fund?

SQ #3. And Steve, Rockstar’s resident Tech Guy?

SQ#4. What did that process look like?

SQ #5. And where did your now famous Triad of Hustling come into play with all of this?

Did it take up a lot of time? Yup. 3-4 hours a day, if you count all the thinking too

Did it make money? Enough to pay the team and a little left over, but not much. Though it was also not built originally to make money either – I had no idea it would grow to as large as it did!

Was it fun? Yes. Most days at least :) But again, to pass the Triad it needs to hit 2 of the 3 areas…

You know, thinking about the Triad in terms of Rockstar I’m realizing that there’s one major factor that we haven’t even touched on: whether a project is successful or not.

SQ #5: Last question … what do you want everyone to know here before we sign off and move the questions to the comments?

So thank you THANK YOU thank you for allowing me to do one the one job I love more than anything else in this world, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the future has in store for us :)

I wish John nothing but success ushering in the new era for the site, and I will see you guys here at Budgets Are Sexy every week going forward as usual too.

Questions/comments/concerns – drop them below or shoot me an email and I’ll hit you back!

XOXO,

Why I FIRE’d Myself From Rockstar Finance published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

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jennykwon6692 · 7 years

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When many of my friends found out about my moving to Rwanda, some asked if there was internet in Rwanda, let alone electricity (smdh!) But most of them immediately mentioned the movie Hotel Rwanda. And while I enjoyed this particular Hollywood portrayal of the genocide, there is so much more to this country!

So for this post, I want to take the time to describe why Rwanda initially piqued my interest and some other random cool facts I’ve learned about the country since I found out I was moving here / moved here.

Last year, two of my close friends packed up their comfortable lives in the US and relocated to Africa (one to South Africa and the other to Kenya). FaceTiming them and/or tracking their Instagram accounts often had me daydreaming at work and reminiscing about my time in South Africa (2000-2004): I missed the slower pace and the ease of access to all the outdoor activities, especially horse riding and golfing. In an attempt to quench my wanderlust, I started reading several books that were set in Africa (btw, my favorite from the list is The Memory of Love by Aminatta Forna). I came across one called We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda by Philip Gourevitch which was written about the Rwandan genocide. Just like the shocking title, the narrative was very eye-opening and emotionally draining. I must be a pervert because by the time I had finished reading the book, I wanted to learn more about Rwanda.

In my research, I found a few similarities between Rwanda and Korea. The speed at which Rwanda has been recovering economically from the genocide (though the stains of it still emit an odious stench here) reminded me of “Miracle on the Han River (한강의 기적),” the period during which South Korea transformed rapidly following the Korean war to go from a developing country to the developed country. And while I don’t want to get too political, former President Park Jung-hee (박정희) of South Korea had been in office for 16 years during this miracle period; President Paul Kagame currently serves and has been in office for the past 17 years in Rwanda leading the recovery efforts.

As a newly-turned-feminist***, I was hugely excited when I learned that the Rwandan parliament has the highest percentage (60%) of women in the world.

***Until recently - specifically the 2016 US elections - I just didn’t care about sexual or gender politics because race was something that affected my life much more than considering myself a woman. Feminism was really overshadowed by the fact that I was Korean, and that I had been an ethnic minority in all of the countries I grew up in.

In 2009, over 95% children enrolled in primary school in Rwanda.

With 8% natural forest cover, 10% marshlands cover, and 101 lakes, Rwanda is a biodiversity hotspot, home to more endemic mammals, birds, reptiles, and amphibians than any other African country.

In college, I was rejected after applying for a research grant to study biodiversity in Costa Rica and how it has contributed to the country’s exceptional public health. Rwanda seems like an appropriate substitution for exploring environment/biodiversity.

Several people sent me this article from the NYT, Public Shaming and Even Prison for Plastic Bag Use in Rwanda, and yes - indeed it is true. The streets are spotless.

Rwanda has a young population of 11mm people, growing at 2.8% per year, and is the most densely populated country in Africa.

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jkdavidson-blog · 8 years

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Standing Rock Recap Part 1 (12/8-12/12)

So now that I am back in Cincinnati, and before I dive headlong back into my day-to-day business, I want to take an opportunity to reflect more thoroughly on my Standing Rock experience, to solidify it in my memory and begin to process the journey so that I can more fully integrate its lessons as I move forward. I kept some notes on my daily experiences so that I could write in greater depth later, so what I have not already journaled about in detail shall be expanded upon here. I’ve also included my posts from Facebook (in italics), as many of my more thoughtful reflections were shared there.

8 December 2016

Today I picked up my car—a Kia Sorento full-size SUV, AWD—loaded it up, and double-checked my packing list. I packed in a prayerful manner, a bit apprehensive about the journey ahead but repeating my mantras all the while.

I went to Thursday night dance class at Baoku’s Village. It was quite a joyful send off! I didn’t know many of the other people there, but they all thanked me for going and assured me they would keep me in their thoughts. After class, I rested for a little while before hitting the road around midnight.

The roads were a bit snowy and icy to start out, but North of Indianapolis everything seemed to clear up nicely. The 10-hour drive wasn’t so bad, after all. I sang, prayed, chanted, listened to the radio, and played songs from my iPod. I took naps when I needed to and stretched often. I was nervous but excited for what might lie ahead.

9 December 2016

Written about a short hike I took from a rest stop in Black River Valley, WI, which turned out to have a monument to one of the first sawmills in the country—undoubtedly erected in what had, up until then, been indigenous territory. “Mni Wiconi” and other phrases along those lines were scrawled onto the railings of the walkway that overlooked the valley.

Good morning from Wisconsin!

What was promised as simply a "scenic overlook" turned out to be a half mile hike through the woods near a rest stop off Highway 94--and a much needed respite from the last 10hrs on the road.

I can still hear the trucks howling on the highway below, but up here I find peace in the beautiful morning sun. Also, there are reminders of the many who have journeyed before me. I send you my deepest gratitude, brothers and sisters.

Mni wiconi. This is my YES.

I arrived in Minneapolis around noon. I had an extravagant lunch at an Indian buffet before checking into my Air B&B for a nap. I went to the Dustin Thomas concert that night. The club was really neat—it had a small concert venue and a larger dance club area. I think someone said it was Prince’s club?

The show was phenomenal! He played many songs I love but don’t usually get to hear when he does short opening sets. I met several really friendly people—Adam and Eric, who are also musicians, Jeremy and Anthony, who had recently been to Standing Rock themselves, and a fiercely loving mother named Julia Chavira. There was another wild young woman with a drum, but her name escapes me now…

I hadn’t had a night out in quite a while, and I had taken an Uber to the show, so I decided to indulge in some tequila—three glasses, which was probably a bit overboard. But all my best road trips usually involve a good hangover at some point, so be it. I danced my ass off that night, and sang along to nearly every song. The show went until 2 AM or so, which was later than I planned to be out but oh-so-worth-it.

I chatted with Julia, Anthony, and Jeremy after the show and traded contact information with them so we could stay in touch. I left there absolutely astounded at the friendliness and generosity of the crowd gathered there that night. Minneapolis, you sure made a great first impression.

10 December 2016

Post about a radio broadcast I heard on my way to MPLS:

This keeps nagging my conscience, so I will share:

On my way up to Minnesota, driving past Chicago around 3 a.m. I caught a broadcast by Thom Hartmann (amazing author too BTW, check out Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight). He was talking about our president elect and comparing his persona to that of Hitler and Mussolini. We probably have all heard that before, but he went into depth about the psychological tactics of a "leaders" such as them and it gave me a much deeper understanding of the validity behind those comparisons.

After his broadcast was over, I flipped to a Latino radio station (I like to practice my Spanish by seeing if I can figure out what the songs are about). They took a commercial break and this public service announcement came on. My Spanish isn't good enough to understand the finer details of the message, but it was something about people coming to your door and asking for your identification and your papers justifying your presence in this country, and under what circumstances someone can legally do that.

I felt a pang of fear in my heart. What a disturbing message to have to sit there and listen to! I realize this is a very real concern for America's international residents. They are truly fearing for their safety and freedom. This is not the America I was taught to love as a child. Shouldn't we all be concerned?

I ended up staying in Minneapolis an extra day. With warnings of a blizzard in Standing Rock, it didn’t seem wise to drive up there just yet. Plus, I didn’t have a room at the casino until the 11th. I spent the day running around, picking up a few last-minute supplies, including a package full of long underwear and other winter gear that I had ordered from REI but which hadn’t arrived by the time I departed (ironically enough, due to the weather in the same region I was headed to, which held up shipping). Dad had to overnight it to me, which actually worked out really well. I also went to the Mall of America, which is apparently one of the major attractions in MPLS but which I had intended to avoid. However, Jason requested specifically that I pick up Alpaca wool socks, and MOA had an Alpaca store. The rest is history…

I also worked very hard to track down tire chains for myself and Lolly B. They weren’t as easy to find as I had assumed, but with Jeremy’s help I did manage to find a couple of pairs the following day.

Anthony had offered me a place to stay that night, and I was originally going to take him up on it, but as evening rolled around I was having trouble getting in touch with him. He said he wouldn’t be off work until 10…I had been running around all day with a hangover and had honestly hoped to be in bed by that time. So, I booked an Air B&B last minute (which was kind of a miracle in and of itself) and went to someone else’s house to hole up in a quiet private room for the night. The guys were disappointed I didn’t come over to hang with them, but I knew I needed the rest.

11 December 2016

I woke up to about 4 or 5 inches of snow this morning. No sense in rushing out the door until the snow plows have had a go at the streets, I told myself. I took my time to reorganize my belongings and then set to work cleaning off the Kia, by which time snowplows were crisscrossing through the residential area I was staying in. Perfect.

I hit the highway behind another brigade of snow plows. The pavement was coated, but my AWD seemed to be pretty reliable. I was surprised how much traffic was on the road early that Sunday morning. That’s the difference between 5 inches of snow in Cincinnati and 5 inches of snow in Minneapolis—people don’t freak out about it up North.

Someone named Rosemary from the Medic and Healer Council, which had previously been unresponsive to my inquiries, called me a few hours into my drive. I guess it was the email titled “ARRIVING TOMORROW 12/11” that finally got their attention. She informed me that she had forwarded me “some orientation materials to review.” She also cautioned me about the importance of cultural sensitivity, having a camp “buddy” especially for actions, and “checking in with myself frequently.” She advised me to stop somewhere with WiFi along the way so I could download said literature “because the internet at the Casino is crap.”

I found my tire chains along the way at a place called Mills Fleet Farm (thank God!), and another Indian buffet in Fargo called India Palace, just like the one I had eaten at a couple of days before in St Cloud. After filling up on Indian food, I headed next door to Caribou Coffee to download the orientation stuff. I was overwhelmed by the herbal remedy guides, camp guidelines, medic council guidelines, hypothermia and frostbite treatment, lists of recommended equipment, suggested readings, and most of all the lengthy pamphlet on crowd-control tactics. The latter file included detailed descriptions of devices like pepper spray, sound cannons, heat rays, various “nonlethal” projectiles, water cannons, etc. I skimmed that last pamphlet in horror and prayed I wouldn’t need the information during my time at camp.

It was dark and temps were dipping below zero as I neared my destination. I started down highway 1806, the main road to Standing Rock and the casino, and was met by signs that the highway was closed. A detour was indicated, but the alternate route was unlit and covered with snow, whereas 1806 still appeared to be clear and moderately trafficked. So I continued down 1806 to see if I could get through. I’d tell them I was heading to the casino, I reasoned to myself, even as I passed more signs and a partial blockade warning, again, that the road was closed.

Then I arrived at the road block. Cement barricades created a zig-zag passageway only the most nimble of vehicles could navigate. Floodlights shone harshly against an otherwise starlit night, illuminating a small booth where a young man dressed in army fatigues was stationed. A couple of law enforcement vehicles clogged what little remained of the throughway. I rolled down my window as I slowly approached the blockade. The young man strode toward me and greeted me. “Good evening, where are you headed?” He asked politely. “To the Prairie Knights Casino,” I replied. “To the casino,” he repeated, “I’ll be right back.” He walked to the booth and reached inside. I thought maybe he was requesting clearance for me to pass, but instead he came back with a small square of paper. “Turn around here, go back 21 miles, make a left on 138. Take that road 3 miles to 6 South. Follow that road for another 18 miles to 24. Make a left on 24 and that will put you right back on 1806.” I looked at the directions, and then at my GPS. He couldn’t be serious—but of course he was. I was only 30 minutes from the casino, there at the blockade. It was dark and cold and I just wanted to get off the road. “Highway 138?” I asked. “I saw the detour sign back there, but that road looked like it was covered in ice and snow.” “Yeah,” the guard replied, “It’s a gravel road. It’s only 3 miles. If you’re not comfortable with that route, you can go back up to Mandan and get on 6 South from there.” He was artificially polite and matter-of-fact about the whole situation. In the intimidating glare of the floodlights, I didn’t feel that I had much room for negotiation. “Okay, thanks.” With a sigh, I rolled up my window and turned my vehicle around.

The blockade really weirded me out. For a while, I felt nervous that I was being followed by one of the law enforcement SUVs, but I think it was just another vehicle behind me that had been turned around also. I wasn’t sure yet what the relations were like between water protectors and DAPL affiliates, but I could assume it wasn’t exactly genial.

As it turned out, I arrived at the casino lodge sometime around 9:45, which I had intuited I might. In light of that, the whole roadblock experience made sense. It was too late and too snowy to venture into camp, so I unloaded my car and settled into my room for the night.

I had been in contact with the One Nation camp via my friend Jason, and I had some cash for them from a fundraiser back in Massachusetts. I let them know that I had arrived, and they headed to the casino to meet me. Just after I’d gotten all my supplies arranged there in the hotel room, there was a knock at the door. I opened it and was greeted by 4 beautiful young men from different reservations around the Southwest. I invited them in and they all introduced themselves. We sat and talked for maybe a half an hour. I was a bit self-conscious, a white woman with 4 Native men in my room who were practically strangers. I tried remember what little cultural advice I’d read so far, but also wondered how relevant that was to this younger generation. The leader of the group E’sha did most of the speaking. They had been talking about leaving camp since the ACOE denied DAPL’s permit and some authorities on the Water Protector’s side (including chairman of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe) were advising people to vacate camp. However, I guess the most recent council meeting had renewed their enthusiasm for staying and at that moment they sounded like they intended to be around for the winter.

Eventually, I felt much more at ease in their company. I remembered the money for E’sha, but wasn’t quite sure how to present it. At first I pulled out the whole wad of cash, but then thought better of it and gave it to him in the money belt I’d stashed it in instead. They thanked me and took their leave for the night. We talked about meeting up again sometime later at camp or the casino, but that night turned out the be the first and last time I saw them.

I had toyed with the idea of studying some of the literature I was assigned by the medic council, but by the time they left it was all I could do to climb into bed.

12 December 2016

First day at camp. The roads were still snowy but definitely passable as I headed North on 1806 that morning. About 10 miles from the casino I started to see the tipis and flags off in the distance. Following E’sha’s instructions, I drove until I reached the south blockade on 1806 and turned right into the Oceti camp on the North bank of the Cannon Ball river. I asked the guard at the security booth where to find the medic tent, and he pointed me straight down Flag Road and assured me I’d see the sign on my left. Sure enough, I did.

I entered the tent and was greeted by a young woman with short blonde hair named Leah. I started to explain that I was there to volunteer and she began politely telling to me that they were no longer accepting volunteers and were in fact encouraging people to go home. “Oh,” I said, unshaken. “I spoke to Rosemary just yesterday on the phone and she didn’t say anything about not taking new volunteers. I supposed I can give her a call back and find out where the medic orientation is supposed to be.” “OH!” Leah exclaimed, “You’re here for medical? Well that’s a different story!” Still, there was no formal orientation at noon (as Rosemary has suggested the day before), but Leah, a PA, started to show me around the yurt. Next to the main “medical” (read: allopathic) yurt, there was a “wellness” (read: herbal medicine) yurt. Beside that was a tipi for mental health services. There was also a warming tent directly across from main medical where people could sleep or just hang out for a while to stay warm. It seemed brilliant to me, the way everything was arranged in one small hub. That way, we could conveniently make referrals to other services as necessary—which, of course, is how our larger medical system works in theory, although not so “conveniently” in practice. The small scale of this operation certainly appeared to help it function more efficiently.

After Leah showed me all she could think to show me, we asked around to try and find out if/when there would be a formal orientation. We finally came to the conclusion it would be around 5pm. It was only noon.

I decided to walk around and explore camp for a while. I was in awe of all the bright white and the snow-encrusted structures. But it was COLD, probably around 0 degree (Farenheit). The neck warmer I had pulled up around my mouth and nose to warm the air I was breathing became stiff with frost after about 15 or 20 minutes of me walking around camp. I could feel frost forming on my eyelashes where the steam of my breath had collected and frozen.

I returned to the medic tent to observe and orient a bit more. My instinct was to pitch in once I got a feel for the intake routine, but I was quickly warned by another physician not to touch a patient until I’d been oriented. So I hung back for a bit longer, but decided shortly thereafter to leave for a while, since it didn’t seem like I could be much help until I’d been formally oriented. Besides, I had plenty of orientation materials to review back at the casino. I told the rest of the team I’d be back around 5pm for the orientation, left them my number in case anything changed, then headed back to my car.

At the casino, I made myself lunch and started looking over the orientation materials. I also got in touch with Lolly B and invited her to my room to collect the money our friend Jason had sent and the tire chains I’d picked up for her. She showed up with a handsome man friend and they stayed and chatted for a while. She had started out on a road trip West, she explained to me, when she “heard about something going on in North Dakota.” She wound up staying for 4 months offering mental health services for the water protectors. She had been there through some of the most intense days of the entire movement. When I met her, she was on her way out. She wasn’t the first one to tell me they’d dropped everything else in their lives to be in service to this cause, and she wouldn’t be the last either. The power of this movement was finally sinking in for me. I was humbled and in awe at the reality of it, and would be struck with the same feelings again and again throughout my time there. I thanked her for her service and wished her well on her return home.

The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. I got my orientation around 5pm, as planned. It was really pretty informal. A young wilderness medic named Harrison talked to us about serving Natives first, about being “fiercely pro-grandmother” (and thus against the patriarchal mainstream culture), and about practicing within our scope of experience and licensure. Those were the main highlights. I spent the rest of the evening in the medic tent helping with assessments, dressing changes, breathing treatments, etc. It really hit home for me to SEE the wounds caused by the bean bags and rubber bullets, to hand out medication to ease the symptoms of the colds brought on by water cannons and witness the labored breathing of elders and asthmatics irritated by the pepper spray that had been shot at their faces.

I watched one of the other RNs, Blaine, kneel down each time he spoke to a patient. That was so moving to me for some reason. What if Western health care providers knelt, or even got to eye-level with their patients, instead of standing over their sick clients who are often slumped in chairs or laying helplessly hospital beds? Again, speechless, humble awe. It still brings tears to my eyes to think of it.

#nodapl #mniwiconi #waterislife #standingrock