#btw i don't even care if it's finished or not you made me a playlist ilysm 🤧🤍

[angelitaby]

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5o1ck3XkSWDbXsQohkOXsP?si=254bf7ce167648ae

....that playlist I made for you I have been meaning to sent it awhile ago Its very much not finished yet But it's a small start

omg lotus honey you are so sweet but i can't see the playlist it says it's private 😓

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Ex-husband!Simon "Ghost" Riley Part 2

Part 1, Part 2, (Part 3??)

Part 1 was many months ago.. oopsie! Been doing a lot of reading recently and HOLY FUCK I LOVE THE TWISTED SERIES BY ANA HUANG. I JUST FINISHED IT, CAN'T WAIT TO READ THE KING OF SINS SERIES (btw I finished it a long time ago, this draft just never made it out). Do y'all like want some stuff implemented from there, here? I'M THINKING KING OF GREED? 👀

Also.. This was supposed to be my birthday special, but what happened was I became busy and never got around to making a definitive ending.. but don't worry, this isn't where the series ends.

My goodness the taglist on this one almost doubled, to anyone who doesn't want to be part of the tags, please tell me so that I can remove you because this will be the official list and it's still open for more people who wanna see this series.

Warning: Too lazy to proof read since I have so much to do, please tell me any autocorrected, misspelled words in the replies so I can change it.. 😭

My CoD Masterlist

My Simon Riley x You Playlist

Simon sulked, his forehead resting on the soft mattress. His back and neck were aching yet he couldn't get the fear and worry out his head. You clear the fog in your head, your body felt sore despite the semi-comfortable bed you were laying on.

You groan softly, forcing yourself to sit-up, where the fuck was your daughter? Was she safe? In a panic you looked around the room, you let out a long, deep sigh as you saw her laying on the couch. Long blond hair splayed around messily on the pillow with a blanket that was barely hanging onto her body, she looked so peaceful.

You felt movement next to you, Simon woke up. He looks up to you, in a bit of a shock. He didn't say a word before holding you and guiding you back down to lay on the slightly adjusted bed, back against the pillow he fixed behind you, you wanted to fight it and protest but his strength was god-like on your still weak and not well rested body, your throat was dry to the point of pain and obvious discomfort.

Simon knows you better than you know yourself, resentment settled in your blood, felt more than the amount than when you missed him. He took the tightly sealed water bottle on the table next to your bed and pries it open, holding the bottle's opening to your lips.

You took a big gulp with his guide but you gently took the bottle off his hand into your own, your fingers brushing his a bit in the process, basically telling him you could do it yourself. A few more gulps down and your throat was eased, you handed back the water bottle to Simon.

He was fidgeting with his hands, his fingers rubbing and grazing the spot your fingers accidentally touched. You looked down with dismay as he takes the bottle from you and closes it.

Was he so disgusted and revolted by your touch that he's brushing off his fingers from it? You knew you didn't end it good terms but you had no idea he hated you that much. Maybe not.. are you overthinking? Probably.

It was silent, awkward, just hearing the IV drip and the beeps of the heart monitor. Simon wanted to say something so bad but what do you say to the love of your life who you've hurt severely and regret it because you still love her and want to be in her life again? Mouthful, he knows.

Simon had no right to you anymore, he couldn't even scold you and tell you to take better care of yourself anymore because that's what he used to do, it's way too familiar. He couldn't even touch you without him thinking it would make you uncomfortable.

You feel it, rather see it more but Simon wanted to die in the moment. Heavy breaths and clearly restless eyes, disheveled hair..

"How do you feel..?" He said, he looks elsewhere as he wanted to avoid the way your eyes chose to settle on him..

"I don't know..? I don't know how to process all this but there's no physical pain, just nausea.." you said, he got up to call a nurse and alert them that you're awake. He chose to step out while the doctor did the regular routine of checking everything.

"Momma?" You turn to your left at the couch where your daughter was sat up, rubbing her eyes.. she got off it and immediately ran to you, "I'm glad you're okay now.." she said which never failed to make you smile with how caring she tended to be..

"What happened bubs? Momma doesn't remember much except for fainting.." you asked the bundle of joy as you tried to piece back what had happened beforehand..

"I called dada when you fell, momma. I was so scared, I was shouting but you won't wake up.. dada took so long to get there but when he did, he asked me to go in the car while carried you inside to take you here.." she said, you took her off the ground and placed her at your side, embracing her little body.

"I'm sorry bubs, momma should've taken better care of herself.. if I had, I wouldn't have been so sick to the point of unconsciousness.." you felt so guilty, if only it had been under better circumstance then you would've been able to take care of yourself better and not put your child through what must've been a moment that should've set her in a panic.

"It's okay, momma. I'm a big girl now, I can take care of you like you take care of me.." her sweet little voice paused for a moment.

"Momma, what does unconscious mean?" She asked, you laughed, forgetting that she doesn't know the meaning of certain words yet..

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @callsignsnowpunisher @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @iexiam @drewsmusee @konigceo @duck-a-doodle @darkhorrorwhispers @cyphah @ash-tarte @linaangel @waves-against-a-cliff @fruitymoonbeams-blog @venussdovess @mactavishsgfandwife @thisisaphrodite @holyfeck @avalkyrieofparis @mymelx @ssc7514 @lilaclazer @fandomwarrior98 @spontaneousleo

[nightowl374art]

Hey,

This is my second question/ message here, the first one was massive so apologies for that lol but I hope you get to reply to it someday!

I wanted to show this to you because this page obviously wouldn't be possible without you. As I mentioned I've grown very close of your art in the past month and I couldn't help but dedicate a page to my favorite pieces.

I redrew them on my sketchbook in your style the closest I could (I hope you don't mind). I mentioned in my first ask that I really loved the Amazing Spider-Man redraw with Miles and Gwen so I kinda made it into my own fairytale from your drawing. (I hope you don't mind and btw I never posted this anywhere because I didn't want to upset you in any way because you could've feel like this was just a copy of your drawings)

The drawing with Tarboy was supposed to be Miles as the Starboy album cover but I made it too close to the edge of my Skechbook and I didn't want to alter the shape and size of the letters so It stays like that lol (I think its funny tho btw).

Oh and the "Nah Imma kill myself" was just a meme I saw on Tumblr of Miles famous quote "Nah Imma do my own thing" that I drew in a boring class because I needed a distraction and that came up to my mind.

(btw the Tarboy and Nah Imma kill myself were the first drawings of that page if I didn't finish them already by the time I started sketching yours I would definitely make a whole page with your drawings only)

Ok one last thing the little texts are songs that remind me of Miles and Gwen. They are from my GostFlower playlist.

Ok I realized I wrote way too much but I think I just can't help myself when I'm excited so sorry about that.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me smile with your art they bring me a lot of happiness.

Hope you're doing well and take care!

❤️🌻🕸️

Babe, you have talent, I can see that. You’ve done a wonderful job of recreating what I’ve made and I’m flattered, it’s very heartwarming to see this. There’s so much personality in your art. If my work inspires you to create, that’s what matters. I even see a bit of Miles’ style in your work 😉 (your handwriting is super cool btw). Well done. 🙌

[elly99]

In An Airplane

Part 2 of 3. Check here for more details.

I've been thinking about you on this aeroplane And my, my mind is in the sky When I'm dreaming about you on this aeroplane

09:28 CET

A new morning in Milan. A new number in your phone. You notice she'd already messaged you.

good morning! 😊 you have a pretty name! it suits you. nice to meet you! again ㅋㅋㅋ

good morning! and thank you!! i like your name too! nice to officially meet you hanni 🤝

oops sorry i'm so used to using ㅋㅋㅋ i forgot you probably don't know what that means 🤣 it's just like laughing in korean

yeah i figured ㅋㅋㅋ

did you sleep well?

best sleep i've had for as long as i can remember 😴 how about you?

same!! i think i have you to thank for that 🤭

and i have you to thank for last night! it still doesn't seem real

i know! i had such a nice time 💓

Normally you'd be surprised to see hearts sent so soon, but after last night you could send her a million.

me too! hihi 💓

you know what else is real tho? work today 😣 but it should be fun!!

i'm sure it will be. and you'll nail it! fighting!! you guys say that right? 😅

yeah that's right! hahaha

You already knew you were right but you found yourself wanting her affirmation.

hey i need to get ready soon 🙁 what time's your flight?

it's at 8 in the evening but my parents want to head to the airport after lunch

ok i'm going for a walk in a bit then i think i'm eating lunch at the hotel so i might see you in the lobby or something

don't worry i'll pretend i don't know you

i'm glad you got to know me last night tho 😊 i'm thankful the universe sent you my way 💫

so am i!!

i'll get going now! keeping texting me ok? even if i don't reply right away. i really like talking to you 💗

me too hanni! take care! 💗

The morning was cold and the sky was grey, but just like last night, she had a way of keeping you warm. You look at your messages, then once again at the roses on your bedside table. You couldn't stop smiling.

13:31 CET

hey we're checking out now. i went out for a walk earlier too! i bought you something and left it at reception. said it was from a fan. luckily my parents didn't notice 😅 hope you like it!! and hope you enjoyed lunch too! will text you when i get to the airport 😊

15:05 CET

checking in bags now. is it weird that i miss you?

17:10 CET

hope your work is going well!! just waiting for boarding now. btw my brother lent me a really interesting book. i'll finish it on the plane later. i'd love to talk about it with you!

heeyyyyy!! i'm soooo so sorry i didn't get back to you!! i really wanted to reply but was really busy and also trying not be suspicious hahaha

hey hanni!! it's no problem at all! don't worry about it 😊

just finished a shoot but aaaaaa i got your flowers!! thank you so much!!! 🥹 they're beautiful! i love them so much 💕

i'm glad!! yeah i realized i couldn't really take the roses you bought me last night on the plane and i didn't want them to go to waste so i just bought a whole bouquet to complement them. and you deserve them more anyway!

you're so sweet! thank you so much!! and i'd love to hear about the book you're reading! just keep ranting about it and i'll get back to you after dinner probably. gotta go for now!

alright enjoy dinner! i'll keep listening to the playlist you made me

hihi hope you like it! let me know which songs you enjoy

will do! oh and i downloaded phoning too! it's so cool you guys have something like this

oh nice!! you're a bunny now 🐰

i think i became one as soon as i met you 🐰

stop being so sweet!! i'm smiling like a crazy person in front of everyone here. ok i really gotta go. text you later!!

see yaaaaa

i miss you too btw

Who was the one smiling like a crazy person now?

21:38 CET

how's it going! hope the wifi on the plane is alright! i just got home from dinner

hey I just finished dinner too and am reading now! how was the food?

we ate at a restaurant right next to the cathedral and it was really good! it just felt kinda weird going back there and not being with you

aw do you miss me that much 🐰

i do 🤭

i miss you too hanni 💗 last night was really special to me. sorry i keep saying that but i can't help it. i hope we get to see each other again soon

it was really special to me too!! we'll meet up soon i promise 🙏 i'll find a way once i get back home in a few days

no rush!! i know you're a busy gurl and you're in the public eye so yeah i really don't wanna pressure you! hope you know that. even if we only ever get to text or call from now on i'll be cool with that. i'm just glad i met you!

ya gurl do be busy!!!

You have to stop yourself from reading too much into that one.

hihi 😋

but for real I'll do my best! meeting you was really such a gift and i wanna see you again

you're really sweet did you know that?

you're sweeter did you know that?

stahp 🙈

hehe 😋 so how's your book btw! i'm gonna have to sleep soon because i gotta get up early tomorrow so i wanna hear about it before going to bed

so the book is called einstein's dreams and it's basically just a collection of stories. the stories describe worlds where time behaves a little differently in each. it's pretty interesting! and a lot of it is based on real parts of einstein's theories. it really makes you think

that sounds really cool! i've always been interested in science! was just never really good at it 😅

well if you couldn't tell i'm a huge nerd. i'll probably study physics or something at uni in korea

really? i mean yeah i could tell haha but i didn't think you'd actually be studying something like physics. you struck me as more of an emotional and artistic person

well i am! idk about artistic but i appreciate art and music. and the beauty in the world. i think that's why i want to study physics. it's like studying the poetry of the universe

only a huge nerd could romanticize a bunch of math

well math is the language that poetry is written in!

alright nerd let me hear about the actual book now hahahah

sorry hahaha

don't be sorry!! i'm just playing around. i love the way you look at the world 😊

aw thanks 🥹 ok so there's two stories in the book that i really like. the first one describes a world where time passes more slowly the higher up in altitude you go which is technically true in the real world but the effect is a lot more pronounced in the story. so everyone moves to the mountains or builds really tall buildings to live in thinking that they'll live longer as a result. then it becomes a status thing like the people who live in the valleys and lowlands are looked down upon. but the irony is it's all just relative. sure up in the mountains time will pass more slowly but only relative to down in the valleys. they're not really gaining any more time in their lives. in fact their lives become shorter because of the thin cold air up there and they start eating less and become unhealthy and aged before their time. i mean science aside it's just interesting to think about the lengths people will go to to run away from something inevitable then they end up making it worse

wow

there's that wow again 😂 that's all you have to say? i mean i get it i kinda ranted sorry hahaha

no no!! it's really interesting i swear!! you'll have to explain the science to me some other time but what i got from that is we should just embrace what we have now. not try to outrun our lives but just live them in the moment. not lose sight of what really matters

and what's that?

love? humanity? i mean you said it became a status thing. people lost their compassion in their greed for something more. something that wasn't even real

yeah... it's kinda sad to think about. humans can be so kind but also so cruel. i wonder where it all goes wrong sometimes

yeah 😞

but hey i don't think i told you this. do you know what i thought when i first saw you on that balcony last night?

oh what?

i thought you were an angel. a very expensive looking angel 😂

noooo stopppp 🙈🙈🙈

i'm serious tho!! i just knew from your voice and your eyes that you would be the kindest person i'd ever met. and i was right. i love the way you look at the world too

you're too sweet stop it 🥹

alright alright you wanna hear the other story? it's a little lighter than this one hahaha

sure! it'll be my bedtime story

ok so in this world time is like a disc and it gets slower as you get closer and closer to the middle. again this can kinda happen in a way in the real world but that's for some other time. but basically you can walk to the center of time and when you're there time will stop. that means you'd never be able to leave but that moment would also last forever. so lovers would go there and kiss or parents would go with their children and hold them to stop them from growing older. but for people who didn't quite reach the center, just passed close to it, their time would slow down so much that when they got back to the rest of the world nothing would be the same. their friends and family would be gone and cities would be completely different. centuries would've passed essentially. so it's like a risk to get close to the center. but some people choose to do it to treasure specific moments. what would you choose?

oh that one's interesting too!! i think it's kinda similar to the first story tho. i feel like we can still treasure the important moments in our lives without having to freeze them forever and lose other things in the process. live in the moment but not freeze it forever

right? i'm glad we think the same!

me too 😊 hey thanks for sharing all this! i know it means a lot to you and it means a lot to me that you're sharing it with me. i gotta go sleep now but don't hesitate to keep writing your thoughts. i wanna hear them all! i'll reply when i wake up. update me when you're home safe ok?

i will!! thanks for being so sweet hanni! i really appreciate it. good night and sweet dreams!! 💗

good night!! hope you sleep well on the plane ❤️

But you still had so much on your mind. She was the kind of person you wanted to share your whole world with. So even if you did manage to sleep, you knew you'd dream about her. And in your dreams you'd be together, the distance between you reduced to nothing. An airplane on the ground, a hotel room in the sky.

3:47 CET

good morning!! hope i'm not waking you up with the notifs. i managed to sleep quite a bit and i'm listening to your playlist again now. and it's playing airplane thoughts! it's a really nice song and it's really fitting. so in the spirit of the song i just wanted to share some more thoughts with you. i was just thinking about how we were talking last night and the night we met, and how i just feel so comfortable? with you. like i can just be myself and open up completely. i'd usually never do that with someone i just met but you just made me feel at home. so often in my life i've been with people and shared special, beautiful moments with them. like when i would travel and see amazing cities and landscapes with my family, or stay up all night with my friends. but something was always off. i felt like i was the only one feeling that way. the feeling that this moment right here is special and i'll remember it for the rest of my life. i knew they didn't understand that feeling or treasure that moment in the same way. but somehow just a few hours with you sitting in front of a cathedral in milan i knew you understood me. you made me feel like a different person. or rather the person i always was underneath the facade i put on for people. so i hope you understand why i keep saying that our first night was so special to me and why i keep thanking you for it. it was so important to my life right at that moment. i'm just happy you're here. that's all

5:32 CET

hey good morning!! ❤️ you know the reason i love music so much and i guess why i'm a singer now is because i feel like there are too many emotions in this world and not enough words to express them. often i find myself feeling a certain way but not being able to describe it. then i listen to just the right song and i think yeah that's it. that's the feeling. i think music and art in general is just the language we need to overcome that gap. so when we shared our music that night, and knowing that you're listening to and enjoying the playlist i made for you now, i knew i felt something special with you. when i looked into your eyes i knew you felt it too. that connection. just the way you described it. so i'm happy you're here too ❤️

i don't think i've ever cried this high up above the ground before

oh hey you're awake! sorry huhu didn't mean to make you cry but tbf you made me cry too just now. and i just woke up!! i can't have swollen eyes for the show today 😅

omg i'm so sorry!! hahhaha

you should be landing soon right? have they served breakfast? lunch? idk time zones are hard

yeah they did! breakfast was soooo good! korean food is amazing. like even in planes it's great

welllll you're in business aren't you?

oops 🙈

that explains some of it 😂 but yeah korean food is so good!!

you gotta send me all your food recs!! i'll check them all out when i can

sure sure!! but i gotta get ready first. i have a quick shoot in my hotel room before the show. i might do a phoning call later when i'm done with it. it'll be quick but maybe you can join in!

sounds good! time to meet all my fellow bunnies 🐰

go get some more sleep! or not actually maybe it'll be better for your jet lag to wait until later

yeah i've slept enough. have fun today hanni!! see you later on phoning 📱

see youuuuu!! take care!

As soon as you cross the threshold at immigration and enter Korea once again, the thought crosses your mind that in a few days she'd be here, too. And the hope that you'd have more nights together enters your heart.

12:30 CET/20:30 KST

hey can i just say you looked amazing!! an angel fr

nauurrr 🦭🦭

hahaha why the seal?

sorry that's just the emoji i've been using for myself lately hahah

it's cute! it suits you somehow

thank you 🥰 you should be home right? everything went smoothly i hope?

yeah all good! tho i think jet lag's gonna hit hard

aww man i know the feel! but i'll be here to keep you company don't worry! ❤️

thank you! you're the sweetest as always

actually sorry i might have lied because i need to go to the show now. and then fly back home. but i'll do my best to message!!

no worries hanni really! 😊

no worries? more like super nervous right now!!!

aww no you can do it! you're amazing!! you'll do just fine

thanks eeeee 😖 i'll catch you laterrrr

see yaaaa

22:34 CET/6:34 KST

hey i'm on the plane now. gonna try and sleep. just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking about you! hope you're sleeping well and beating jet lag 🥊

13:28 KST

i slept for 7 hours omg 😴 will be landing soon! how are you?

heya!! sorry i've been in and out of sleep. jet lag sucks. but hey at least you're here!

i am here! 😊 when i get home you wanna call? maybe after dinner?

at this point idk when dinner's gonna be. but yeah sure i'd love to!!

yaaay

did you dream of anything?

it was more remembering than dreaming. i remembered our time in milan. how we talked about quickly passing by people and realizing that there's so much more going on in everyone's lives beyond what we can see in those few seconds of eye contact

sonder

yeah! and i thought that, knowing that fact, why aren't more people kind and thoughtful? compassionate. i mean most people are polite but there's a step above that that's rare to see. if we let it really sink in that we don't have a lot of time with people and life goes by so quickly, why shouldn't we try to be the kindest and most genuine versions of ourselves all the time? i'm not saying that that's who i am but it's who i want to become. and talking with you i feel like that's what you want too?

i think i'd always had that in the back of my mind but i'd never really articulated it to myself. but after i met you and now that you've said that, yes that's what i want. i want to at least try. thank you for showing me that part of myself ❤️

i'm glad i was able to 🥰

i used to think a lot about love and relationships. i mean i still do. and not just romantic ones. i remember thinking at some point that all relationships eventually fade or people move on and that i'd be better off focusing on myself, on my career. i thought i'd rather live knowing that i was really good at something, like you are at your job. i thought i'd rather live knowing i excelled at something people cared about. maybe i was scared of really opening up to someone and sharing my entire life with them only for them to leave and forget about me. but you helped me realize that that's ok. you said that as long as you had a true connection with someone, even briefly, that there's beauty in that. and that really stuck with me. it is all about connection. at the end of the day that's all we really need right? to love and be loved

yeah isn't everything we do in life an attempt at being loved a little more? i mean sometimes i feel this pressure as an idol to be a perfect role model for others, especially to other girls my age, and there's a certain responsibility that comes with that. i want to show them that you can achieve your dreams if you try hard enough and you don't really need anyone else. but then i realize that i'm doing this job because i love making music, spreading love in the world, and receiving it back. we do kinda need each other in the end cuz that's what being human is i think

yeah it definitely shows that you love your fans! and they love you just as much

i remember too when you asked me if i believed in a higher power. i said i thought the universe had some way of bringing the right people together at the right time. like you and me that night. but i also believe that there's magic when they form that connection. when they reach out like you did. being at the same place at the same time is one thing but attempting to get to know each other is another. if there's any magic in this world it's in trying to really connect with others and getting to know them. sharing the world and your experiences. even if it doesn't always work out, it's about the attempt. if we don't try things in life then what are we really doing right? you helped me realize that

you must really be an angel hanni idk what else to say

no i think you are!! ❤️

❤️ i'm so happy we helped each other see things we couldn't before. i mean maybe they were things we already knew in our subconscious but never properly thought about but still. you're such an inspiration! i think your job is perfect for you. the world needs someone like you

aww thanks ❤️ i'm crying again hahaha

me too lmao

i'll go wash up before people think i'm weird 😅

alright text me when you get home! looking forward to our call!

same same! see yaaaa 🥰

baiiiiiiii 💓

21:56 KST

An evening in Korea. Another night of hearing her voice. You pick up the phone.

Hey! How are ya! How was dinner?

Hi hi~ I haven't eaten yet. Appetite is nowhere to be found. I'd much rather talk to you anyway.

But you should eat something before sleeping at least! Don't want you getting hungry in the night.

Don't worry. I'll eat some ramyeon or something.

A pause. You hear her breathing for a brief moment.

It's funny hearing your voice again. Like, all this time reading your messages, I was just imagining your voice in my head, remembering it as it was when we met. But now through the phone it's not the same.

Better than nothing!

Oh, yeah! It's nothing bad. It's just funny.

Another pause. Almost awkward silence until she speaks up again.

I was thinking earlier about what you said about stars the other night. How we're all just stardust.

Yeah!

I still think that's really cool. Then it got me thinking even more that we're all just made of matter. Like atoms and molecules. Please don't laugh at me. I feel like you're about to laugh.

I'm not! I'm not!

Ok, good. But, yeah, we're all the same! Just atoms and molecules. Just like everything else in the universe. Doesn't that make you feel warm and fuzzy? Like, we're all some kind of huge family with everything that exists. And we're all 13 billion years old. Or whatever the number is.

I bet you looked up the age of the universe earlier.

I may have.

For the first time you hear her laughter through a small phone speaker. It was still just as sweet.

Hey, I miss you.

You hear nothing over the phone for a few moments before she responds with something you did not expect.

Funny, isn't it? How, in this digital age where everything's connected, you still find yourself missing people.

Yeah. You'd think you wouldn't be able to miss anyone but...

On the plane, when I closed my eyes to sleep, I could hear your voice. I think it's nice to know that you can just close your eyes and think about those you love, those special to you, and know they are real, alive, hopefully happy, in their own corner of the world, whether it's down the street or across the planet, and know that if they're closing their eyes and thinking the same, you're together in that moment.

That's a really nice thought.

But it isn't the same as having them near, knowing they're right there beside you under the same roof, under the same sky, under the same stars. It's not the same as just being able to turn to them and smile. To be able to hug them and laugh with them and hear it unfiltered in your ears. To be able to say things with your presence that words could never convey. I think we all need that closeness as humans. I think that's why we miss people. And why I miss you, too.

[sleepy-vix]

hello hello hello!! i hope this day is treating you well <3

so. erm. i finished if we were villains one second ago. there are tear tracks still glistening on my face. and i have Thoughts TM

to be frank i wasn't a fan of most of the book (i found the very excessive shakespeare-quoting stilted, pretentious and cringey — and i'm saying this as a person who quotes shakespeare too much for the average sane person and is very annoying about it) but something changed when i was reading act five. i then proceeded to cry through the end bit of act five and the whole epilogue.

i have no idea what i feel about it skjfksdfj i have no idea when i started caring about these pretentious ass bitches enough to cry over them, seeing that for most of the book i was just incredibly annoyed by all of them. although i am proud to say i clocked james and oliver for what they were in their first few interactions. the power of the gaydar ladies and gents

i think part of the problem was that i was comparing it to the secret history so much in my mind (which is practically literary perfection in my mind. i personally believe that donna tartt is a greek muse in disguise and should be treated as such/j) it just paled in comparison — honestly, people need to stop comparing the two or just lumping them into "dark academia" (i'm personally not the hugest fan of aesthetic-based grouping for book recs, but that's a rant for another day)

i think it's a one-time read for me. like yes it was definitely an... interesting experience but probably not good enough to reread? i don't know?? i have zero idea if you like this book or not i just know that you've read it — so apologies if i accidentally offended you or something 😭😭 i would love to hear your thoughts on it though (especially the ending)!

I READ IT BACK IN GRADE 8 DURING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND I WAS JUST DEPRESSED FOR THE WHOLE 8 WEEKS LMAO

im like ehhh about it now 😭 which is sad because i was so obsessed with it i made a playlist for james and oliver (im such a geek it's actually so embarrassing 💀)

also i completely agree with you about the shakespeare quotes. it got to a point where i would just skip the quotes and only read the actual writing because is it ever THAT serious?

also i have a few other icks about the book:

- oliver and meredith getting together (that was so ???? like i lowkey hated oliver for that)

- filippa's character. it was so ?? like m.l. rio did such a bad job writing her... the idea of her character is awesome but the execution was really not, which was disappointing.

but in general i really liked it :) i read it before the secret history, so thankfully i never unconsciously compared them with eachother (which i've heard is actually really common between people who read tsh first).

i agree with you in the dark academia lumping thing sooo much. like, you often see them side by side, but the only thing they have in common is a friend group + one person dies + school setting. which really doesn't mean much considering that alot of stories are set in schools and include friend groups.

also not to mention that tsh is twice the size of iwwv 😭 idk i get so defensive when ppl bash iwwv for being worse than tsh (even tho i agree)

tbh i loved it alot but i wouldn't reread it either because the oliver and meredith parts where so 💀

m.l. rio is writing another book btw! its called grave digger. im looking forward to it because i'd like to know if she's actually a good writer or if she was only good in my 13 year old mind.

im so happy that u sent me this ask :)) its not very often that i get to talk abt iwwv with a person who agrees with me that the book is sad but not that good

[kamiversee]

oooOOH okay - the way i forgot abt the songs BUT i'm gonna have to straight up make a playlist for these men (as if i don't do the same thing when i'm writing anywaysss)

incoming YAP SESH

so when you mentioned it in the last chapters, i immediately went back listened to 'sober' [childish gambino] BUT i forgot abt 'die for you' [the weeknd] sooooo he's a mini gojo analysis for that song for all my fellow gojo girlies (RAAA):

'i just can't say i don't love you / cause i love you'

this one is obvi lmao the way bro is like "hey btw i LOVE you" every chance he gets

'you hate that you want me'

bro literally says this almost verbatim when he's like "you shouldn't care abt me" but also "it's not a crime [to miss me] love" (ch45)

'i would die for you / i would lie for you ... i would kill for you'

REALLY seein the references to this one in chapter 45 lmao when he's like "i've done worse, for you" and he's said SOOO many times that he'd do anything for you and is explicitly like "the person i am around you now is not the person who fell in love with you"

so here's where i might be wayyy off base again but - what if the list started bc of something gojo tried to do for you, to show how much he cared about you? so like order of events:

years ago, gojo does something bad (ex: hurting someone, manipulating people in your life he views as "bad") in the name of helping you -> sukuna either catches him or he needs sukunas help -> sukuna uses this info to blackmail satoru

the deal for the blackmail is that you either have to complete this list that's made to hurt gojo so badly by punishing the woman he loves AND turns her against him (which is why gojo is so set on the fact that the reader can't have feelings for him, bc he's the one who's supposed to be punished by this whole thing) OR sukuna will kill gojo

which i know is like BIG but ! think about how gojo is always saying he'd do anything for the reader: he was ready to die for her; he had no intention of doing the list. when he walks in on her in ch1 he's like genuinely surprised that an opportunity like that "presented" itself to him, so he really wasn't planning to blackmail you ever

and when you finish the list, gojo is genuinely surprised and relieved that you finish it (ch45) !!!! he's also said that there was no time limit on it but that there actually was one, that it needed to be done by the end of the year i think??? somethin like that i don't remember but that always felt weird to me, so that's probs what sukuna's deadline for gojo was

--

anywhooo i also think sukuna put choso on the list bc he felt bad for hurting him (bc i'm refusing rn to think that choso lied abt the abuse which is the basis of my other theory but it bums me out so i'm just ignoring it lmao) and sukuna saw how obsessed w you gojo was and he was maybe like "hmm ok so this girl must be somethin special" and that's why he was making you hook up w choso !

yap sesh OVER (apologies this got so long and the way i was pulling out citations lmao) i will send more theories when i'm actually awake but i just read your response to my ask and HAD to do a song analysis! love you kami xoxoxoxo

-🩷

Okay this is yap session 1/2 that I’ve received & it’s not as long as the other so I’ll reply normally!!

To start, ty for this theory & semi-breakdown!! I rlly do love reading these ><

1. I LOVE how you broke down the song reference because every lyric from that damn song applies to Mr. Gojo in this fic🙏 Die For You applies more than you guys realize but it’ll make even more sense when we finally receive his backstory <3

2. You & ☃️anon have similar theories with how this whole thing started & it’s fun to see you guys on the right track & nearly hitting the nail on the head ^.^

The first theory about Gojo & Sukuna’s situation is… it’s a wonderful theory, I’ll say that. I will not say if it’s right or wrong but, since TFL is over, I think it’s safe to say you’re definitely on the right track :)

3. The Sukuna & Choso theory at the end is OH MY FUCKING GOD. I’m going to just burn my fic plans atp because I’m pretty sure you guys somehow have access to it 😄 /hj

Anyway, don’t consider that response as me confirming what you just said but DAMN you cooked & the kitchen might be on fire! :3

TO CONCLUDE, ty for the yap sesh, I love u & these sosoosooo much !!

[jsdgfsdf]

Could u tell me some lore about ur OCs like asher and theory :o

Ok I just woke up so sorry if any of this is strung together badlky BUT! Yes! I'll explain both of those guys since you asked but if you wanna know about anyone else you can specify again (And also if you wanna know anything else abt these guys)

Asher......ok starting w the basics here he's supposed to be the main character of a game (Nothing Good Ever Happens it was a working title that stuck) i started working on Feb 2023 i think? And his main premise is he's kinda just a sad little angry dude who doesn't socialize w anyone cus ppl = shit (tfw have to act like you hate everyone to mask the fact that you think everyone hates your guts&every move including when you so much as breathe). You cvan listen to his playlist [here] to get a better grasp of that if you'd like but that is essentially him. He's based off of the 2012/2014 pastel gore omocat tumblr aesthetic too cus thats what i was really into at the time (still am now just less so ig) *Also his voice claim is jonathan coulton i should specify. all of my guys have voice claims i just haven't gotten around to writing his down yet So there you go

He lives in an abandoned apartment that nobody cares abt on the south side of Babylon which has a population of like ~3 ppl/denizens (compared to the at least maybe ~1000 on the north side which is separated by a gate) including asher. you can read about denizens [here] BTW But they basically just pboil down to aliens but they're advanced humans pretty much. Asher doesn't really leave his apartment much he's kinda the current definition of NEET w/ all the added "guy who never leaves his room" points.

^Ashers room & the apartment floor hes on respectively and then south & north babylon (the pink and blue sqwuares are gonna be water it's also kinda derived from this Other game i ws making called Debt and cathat's in it..basically the same kinda location type at least appearance-wise if i had the files for that on this computer id put an example here) also i don't remember what who was phone was supposed to mean in that context

He DOES have 1 friend though named Connifer and they've been buddies since childhood (asher was not always like this but circumstances make the man and such) they just don't hang out as much as per asher being asher. But connifer cares enough to keep the connection and he visits asher every once in a while just to keep him in check that's actually how the game is supposed to start

Theory is..theory..i made him after watching an asmr video and going I need to make something out of this. so i did. I don't really know if theres much more to say abt him beyond what i put on his character page (kinda assuming youve seen it already but putting it there for good measure) i havent been focusing on these guys At all lately. UMMMM I can tell you his role in the game thou sorta the story i've mad efor him but it's kinda spoilers if i ever finish this damn thing

EDIT:I forgot to explain wwhere the morgue is. It's just past the place where welt is (up top on north babylon you can see the sorta icy portion that's where welt lives) i think but its separated by a cliff and nobody ever goes to the morgue bc well To get to it you have to fall off a cliff there's no other way. it's all dark and dreary too at least like 500ft below where everyone else is. Essentially asher &connie have to take a detour to get to the botanical gardans (where connie wanted to bring asher IN the game0 bc the argument and yadda yadda they end up @ the morgue.. theres also one other guy who lives near it and he's a whole nother can of worms but you can see his playlist [here] it's pretty much all i have for that dude (Doesnt even have a name)....i don't know

Ok he's supposed to be sorta the final or one of the bosses in the game....?? Euuh something about him knowing asher or something he's kinda just ever present maybe i don't know if i wanna go w that though. He speaks weirdly btw i don;t think i specified that he probably calls asher "boy" mostly. Schmancy. At some point asher and connie have to go thru the morgue because they gell off a cliff cus of an argument i don't know. And then they meet theory at first they think the morgue is just some rundown abandoned place but then BOOM There's a guy here. Theory's like asher dont you want to be free from your social responsibilities...! Join me we can work together and such and ashers like No dude you're weird as shit and then the whole boss fight starts cus theory gets real mad/agitated about it. Oh i have a wip theme sorta for it i'll leave it as a treat sorry the mixing sounds like compelte ass

Al;so fun fact his voice claim is will wood bc i listened to 2012 and the "FUCK" at the beginning is like peak theory when he accidentally drops liek a scalpel or something i heard it and went yuuup. Theory. Also it just fits cus hes Crazay! I'm really sad i dont have much else to say about him i moved onto edward too fast for him to have any real development..one of my most beloved ocs that i've made (i was really excited when i realized i finally had a mad scientist type character i actually gave a shit about) and he might as well just be a damn shortcake shell dude has got almost nothing

BUT. THANK YOU FOR ASKING......................! Hearts and stars emojis always a joy to talk about my guys

[miioouu]

OHHHHHHH IT'S OPEN!!! Hello! I wanna req Kuroo x y/n or s/o or reader (NSFW), the reader gender can be gn/f :3 I just wanna see Kuroo's reaction when he is at work & reader sends him a pict/video of them touching themselves :3333 THANKS!

Ok yes thank you for kurooooooo suwnwj he was my first hq crush btw dhsbsj he's the reason why i got into it! Thank you for thirsting with me.

Warning:smut, masturbation...

       He's had a long day at work, and he's not even close to finishing yet. All he wants to do is go home and sleep, wrap his arms around you and pull you close to him. His sweet little one....

      Well maybe not that sweet actually. He has texted you, telling you to not wait for him, for he has so much work, he's coming late. Which made you think, how can you make it all an easier experience for him? Well it's not really difficult. What else does Tetsu love other than cuddling and spoiling his little one? Ruining them of course! So you knew what you had to do. Wearing his favorite colour, his old sweater hiding your body, the hem barely covering your thighs as you stood in front of the full length mirror, the flash hiding your face, but highlighting your body, your every dip and curve, just the way he likes it. An accomplishing smirk on your face as you send him the picture, accompanied by a sultry caption "Can't wait for you to come take this off of me." And as soon as he saw this message, he just knew there's no way in hell he'll be able to focus on his work now. "Take it off yourself baby, and don't forget to show me" A smile made its way on your face as you obliged. But instead, you set your phone, turning the front camera as you changed the colour of the light and turning on the playlist you two have made for special nights. Your hips swayed to the rythme, your fingers dancing as they caressed your own body, finally finding the end of the long top, slowly taking it off, revealing your naked body underneath. Your digits finding your nipples, twisting them as a moan of your lover's name left your lips. Quickly ending the video, you sent it to him "That's what you wanted daddy?"

      He groaned as he watched you, his pants feeling tighter, his mind too hazy and his hand slipped down to find a slight relief. But he thought of a better idea. You've been so good to him, he should reward you. So just like you, he set his phone, front camera and right under his desk. His veiny hands quick to unbuckle his belt, sliding his pants and boxers down just enough to free his throbbing dick. His thumb swirling around the head, making sure to grind it against the slit, the action causing him to groan a bit. The sound of spitting echoing, a glob of it landing on his tip before he wrapped his hand around himself, pumping up and down his length, sometimes pressing on his evident vein earning him a moan slipping from his lips. His pace becoming faster, his movement sloppier as his groans turned into whines, turned into begs to having you with him, to have you take care of it. Your name like a mantra rolling from his tongue, as he started to fuck up his own fist, erratically, haphazardly, until he finally came, the sliver of abs that he showed from holding his shirt in his teeth, clenching, contracting, heaving up and down as he did so. White clear shooting everywhere, soiling the wood under his desk, some landing on the phone, making the image blurry, but you still see him catching his breath before he reached for it, ending the video and sending it. "Thanks for keeping me company love."

[mowu-moment]

i feel controversial & i care too much, so here's my des rocs complete tierlist

ranked list & reasoning (ish) under the cut

1. WAYNE: hoholy shit wayne. can hardly put into words how explosive this one is to me. the intro sets a Whole Mood before swiftly (& cleanly) smacking it down into an Absolute Banger and i don't use the term lightly. very hard not to scream along with it. only detriment is that wayne the person is kinda an ass in the mmc video but that's no qualm

2. POS: basically the same thing as wayne (oh both have great lyrics btw, this one more so), only gets points knocked for being 2 minutes long and having 30 seconds of that being intro & outro. go danny give us nothing

3. WHY WHY WHY: there's a theme among my top picks--they're all hard-hitting w/ killer guitar. the lyrics are absolute batshit in a good way, but the chorus is a lil flat & i feel like in general it just needed a touch more spice to score the top spot. or maybe it's just seniority & it'll have a coup a few months out idk

4. DEAD RINGER: similar killer guitar & lyrics but this one is Groovy as Hell. don't particularly like his singing in this one & it's too repetitive if i'm feeling grumpy but there's something so magic about after the bridge. top 10 songs to twirl a flag to

5. NOTHING PERSONAL: the minute long outro irks me & it's a little bit empty but plays into that well. groovy, great lyrics, the Sexiest Guitar Solo of the lot, the screaming's a minus but it does have an emotion there. not entirely sure what one but it's there.

6. LET ME LIVE / LET ME DIE: his first time being all over the goddamn place, history was made. amazing guitar, a little worse lyrics than 1-4 i'll admit, the intro Slays me both in a good and bad way. must be a joy to play live where he can just drag out that intro & bridge as long as feels right. at least i liked it in the digital concert like that. would actually kill me in a physical concert, imagine how much stomping gets going to that beat. bonus points for presumable cowbell

7. PIECES: for once not this high for the guitar & lyrics, they're both kinda basic. idk what's about this one but it just takes me to a separate dimension & i love it so much for that. really fills those earholes. also a bit of personal meaning, heard it for the first time on the day we moved into the house i'm currently split-custody-living in (is that tmi?) & the first music video of his i saw. man i love some spaghetti on the wall

8. SLO: basically the same as dead ringer, but knocked points for a kinda lame outro & the subject matter being a little less interesting to me. still lovely.

9. HANGING BY A THREAD: not my normal fare really & the way that the ends of the verses don't really fit in the pacing of them is bleh, but it's just so reminiscent of the songs my brother puts on whenever we hang out together that it just makes me all warm & fuzzy. it's also nicely put together which is something i'll have to start saying for. the later list.

10. SUICIDE ROMANTICS: this is where i start griping about head voice & higher pitches in general. don't like em so the pre-chorus is a lil annoying. also not my normal fare but it's tender & the ending is awe-striking. imo better live where he's loud on that last line before the final chorus. not enough to bump it up though. shoutouts to love and a smoking gun, i still am dying to hear that one

11. THE PAST HAS PASSED AWAY: my favorite lyrics out of the first 2 ep's. only thing wrong with it really is the bridge getting kinda repetitive. love that last chorus heehoo. same schpeel as the Banger Category

12. MMC: this one's lower than the rest of the Bangers for being pop punk which is something the radio has made me dislike, i guess. that trope with the guitar in the second half of the chorus just kills me so much. improves greatly during & after the bridge, love that lil ragtime piano. generally the same bit as before but i do love him doing something un-romance-related. yeah fuck the establishment!

13. THE DEVIL INSIDE: reminds me A Lot of the electronic-ish cassettes i've got from the early 90's but that's just me. this one will probably move up as i get more used to it, but only a little bit. the first part of the second verse makes me like. genuinely uncomfy? but the second part of it's fantastic. ending's ass though what happened to the instrumence. bonus points for using 'reverie' that's an SAT word (maybe). good singing but returning to the gripe at higher pitches, just a little bit though

14. THIS IS OUR LIFE: feels shockingly generic for a des rocs song tbh but there's nothing really wrong with that. adore the bridge. singing's alright. kinda miffed that he doesn't pronounce the 'f' in the second 'life' in the chorus, but it makes sense here. that sort of thing won't later so i'm bringing it up now. guitar's nothing spectacular but fits nicely into the song, probably one of the most cohesive of his (especially in recent history).

15. OUTTA MY MIND: really lives in the same space as slo and dead ringer do in my head (most likely the 'songs to twirl a flag to' zone), but this is by far the worst of the three for when i'm grumpy. just. Very repetitive. back to great lyrics here but it's kinda hard to pick them out (i've heard the song at least 100 times by now & i'm still missing a few lines). still groovin'

16. RUBY WITH THE SHARPEST LIES: what the fuck actually goes on in this song by the way? not the premise or whatever it's just. so all over the place. the verses are incredible but bringing in another vocalist just for one line kills me. bridge is really cool but that one part i don't remember where it is, the one that alternates basically nothing & an Electronic Piano Chord blaring at ya? ruins it. partially anyhow. also can someone tell the people on genius that it's 'carved it in my skin' not 'crawled down in my skin'

17. GIVE ME THE NIGHT: same repetitive issue as outta my mind but it's not groovy enough to save it, shame. feels like a trial run of all the wackshit stuff he's been doing recently, with the additional vocal bits at the end & the kinda weird lyrics. it still has a place in my heart don't get me wrong but it's just fallen in favor of stuff that Commits to banger or batshit (or actually pulls off both strongly, yyy). oh yeah nice guitar alright singing etc etc

18. USED TO THE DARKNESS: similar story to give me the night. i love it i do, but it's just lackluster nowadays. also remember that under-pronunciation thing i brought up in this is our life? this is where that comes back. rampant i tell you! that second verse he just doesn't finish the words & i hate it!

19. DON'T HURT ME: i honestly don't know why this one isn't in D. the chorus bit where he just cuts it short is irksome. the lyrics aren't anything special. i don't know what i like about it. but i can tell it does exactly what it set out to do if that makes sense. respect, respect. and using missile in an analogy, he's getting creative with the vocab

20. LIVING PROOF: kinda got a vendetta against this one i think? i don't know why i hate this one but i do. it's just kinda, blah. like the perfect sort of thing to nightcore up. sentiment's lovely & i do love the lyrics even if they aren't impressive but like. it bores me to an extent

21. TICK (LIVE): separating the version i heard in the digital concert just to give it some credit, this one was actually kinda nice. another one with a nice sentiment & what he was going for is great. no clue what the second part of the second verse has to do with any of this though. and it also begins our final group, the songs that just feel empty. like there's not nearly enough going on. this one's alright though i was just hoping the studio version would add some flair. you can see where that one is though.

22. IMAGINARY FRIENDS: also got a vendetta against pop. kinda hate the sentiment here (contrast!), the chorus just falls short of what the verses prime me for, head voice is rampant, and yet i still swing along to it. it's infectious props to him. love the outro though, monkey laugh and all.

23. MAYBE, I: another empty one, like it's a four-note progression what is that. love his singing in it, and the chorus parts do round it out, but like. eh? it doesn't even give me much to say.

24. BORN TO LOSE: another flop on the chorus! too smooth i say! and i absolutely Despise the pitch-shifting thing going on. not something i was expecting him to express so points there, lyrics are nothing fancy to my Literary Mind though. initially good singing but the chorus he's just sloppy over it. the instrumental is lovely but the vocals just throw it so hard into the bin which is a right shame. fuck that outro too i hate that gimmick

25. I KNOW: here's where the bad batshit comes in. singing is some of his worst imo, does the other-vocalist thing for that bridge, genre i'm not fond of, just a soup of Stuff I Don't Like. not one i'd kill someone over putting as #1 like i can see where it comes from but. mmmmmhhhh bad. cover does NOT help his case.

26. HVY MTL DRMR: empirically i should put this one higher. but the chorus flops so goddamn hard it deserves to be in the bottom of the barrel. the verses are lovely for what he was doing back then! but then just... nothing!

27. RABBIT HOLE: i was so excited for this name but it's just sad boi hours playlist curated by some corporation you hate. probably the most nothing of them all, genuinely where are the instruments. what happened. was this one just shoehorned in as the final track just to pump numbers up. and i swear he had some autotune or something which only makes his voice worse it's fantastic naturally. also that's not what a rabbit hole is! that's not the idiom! a rabbit hole is when you go on a wikipedia spiral from jennifer lopez to group theory! not when you just have a shitty night's sleep or whatever this is! i'm not just miffed i'm downright annoyed

28. TICK (STUDIO): what the fuck happened des. how did you release this. it sounds like a 3rd grader singing for the school talent show it's so out of rhythm. singing's honestly kinda bad & the instrumental has the same problems i talked about in the live version. the last chorus is fine, i guess, but no i don't forgive him for what he did to tick.

[cherrytdatt]

Sadness Ritual pt. 3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: ~3.6k

Summary: Will Harrison's engagement party solve things between Y/N and Tom?

Warnings: N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

A/N: PART 3 IS HERE!!! after struggling a lot I finally did it. Part of this was inspired by the engagement scene in 'set it up' also know as my favorite rom-com ever so think about that vibe! I hope you guys like it. I really liked.

Playlist: No playlist...I heard so many things...It was a rollercoaster!

Part 1 | Part 2

Three months ago, at 3 am, Tom stood in your kitchen and said the words you wished for months to hear from him. And yet, you felt your entire chest hurt, and you couldn't look at him. You sent him home, and since then, you didn't see him again. But now, the inevitable was coming. Anna and Harrison's engagement party is in one day. You're the maid of honor, and Tom is the best man. Anna asked you if you would be okay seeing him again and, to be honest, you don't know, but it’s her engagement party. You won't deny the presence of her fianceé's best friend and best man.

"Ready for the party?" Anna asked while you two looked at some dresses in some store.

The party would be something small, just family and friends, in Tom's backyard. You wanted to help, but going to Tom's house, knowing he would be there, wasn't in your plans.

"Yeah! I'm so happy for you. And Harrison. Since your first date, I knew you two would get married," you said with a smile. "I remember I said I would be a shitty maid of honor," you said with a laugh. "And Tom said he would be a great best man," your smile faded a little when you thought about Tom.

"Did you talk to him?" Anna asked, already knowing the answer.

"No," you said simply.

"Harrison said he's feeling better, but still misses you," Anna said with a weak voice.

You cleared your throat. "I miss him too," you said almost in a whisper.

"Why don't you talk to him?" she asked.

"I don't know. Things got pretty bad between us. I'm still sad with him, and I'm sure he is sad with me too," you said, and the sadness in your voice was almost palpable.

"I'm sure he forgave you. And I think you already forgave him. You're just afraid," she said.

"Maybe. Let's see how mad I'll be when I see him tomorrow," you chuckled, but your voice was still sad. "D-do you...hum...do know what happened...to the girl?

"Oh, please! He ended things with her the morning after your fight, and never saw her again," Anna said.

"What you think of these?" you asked, putting a black floral dress in front of you, and changing the subject to hide how happy that information made you.

"Loved," she said animatedly.

"I'll try it," you said, going into the dressing room.

You didn't wanna think about Tom and all the situation now, but the talk with Anna got stuck into your head. 'He still misses you'. Her voice was louder and clearer than when you talked. You decided to buy the black dress for Anna's party. Thank God she chose a very casual party, so you could go with comfortable clothes.

"I see you tomorrow," Anna said goodbye, leaving you in front of your building.

You got into your apartment, still thinking about your talk with her. You missed Tom, more than anything in your life, but every time you thought about those pictures, and the fact that he did all that even though he liked you, you felt a strange and bitter feeling in your stomach. All you wanted was to talk to him and solve things, but you felt so afraid of what he would do and what he was willing to do to make things better. 

You used the rest of your night writing some essays you had to finish this week and watching some comedy on TV.

'Hey. How are you? I just wanna say that I can't wait to see you tomorrow. And I want you to know that I'm cool if you decide not to talk with me. I just want you to be okay 🙂' Tom's message took your attention away from the TV. You stared at the text, not knowing what to say. Of course, you wanted to see him, but talk to him would be the best thing? You really didn't know.

'Hi. I'm great. And you? I'm okay talking to you tomorrow,' you typed, throwing the phone on the other side of the couch like it was a bomb ready to explode. "Fuck!" you said, noticing the smile that appeared in your face.

'I'm good. That's good. I miss talking to you. How crazy it is that our friends are getting married?!@#$' The bleep from your phone made you smile again, and you reached for it, reading his text.

'Crazy as shit! We're not old enough for this,' you ignored the first half of the text on purpose. You missed him, but you weren't ready to let him know that yet.

'I keep saying this to Harrison, but he doesn't listen to me lol. But they love each other very much. Harrison showed me his speech, and I cried like a baby,' he said, and you laughed, remembering how easy it was for him to cry. He had a playlist just for that.

'Well, It's not that hard to make you cry lol. I chose not to hear Anna's speech. I wanted to be a surprise,' you confessed. She told you it would be very emotional, so you decided to enjoy with everyone else at the party.

'I don't cry that easily. I didn't even cry in my last movie,' he said, and you remembered you didn't watch the movie with him because the release happened when you were not talking.

'Congratulations on the movie, btw. I heard it's very good,' you said, confessing you didn't watch it. The real reason for you not to watch you weren't confessing. You didn't wanna hear see him or hear his voice. It was too painful.

'You didn't watch it yet? 😱' he asked, and you could see the shocked and offended look on his face.

'I'm sorry. I didn't have time,' you lied.

'We need to change this! This is unacceptable!' he said, and you wanted to invite him over to solve things once and for all. You wanted to sit in front of the TV, with Tom by your side, like you always did, and watch as many movies as possible.

'I'm going to bed now. See you tomorrow at the party,' you cut him off before he could ask anything else, and Tom noticed that. Because in one minute he was smiling at his cellphone, just about to ask you to watch a movie with him, and now he was staring at your last text, questioning everything he could've said or done to make things different.

"Hey, mate. Are you okay?" Harry asked, entering the TV room, and seeing his brother with a weird face, ignoring the TV.

"Yeah. Just...talked to Y/N," he said, pointing at his phone.

"Really? How did it go?" Harry asked, genuinely interested. He saw his brother whining and moping around the house for the last three months. After the pictures got released, Tom freaked out. He had to go to therapy, you stopped coming to their house, and he wasn't that cheerful guy anymore. Now, he was in a good place. Not like before, but he was getting there. And talk to you was the last step to make everything go back to normal.

"It was going back to normal, but then she shut me down. Not aggressively. She just didn't give me the opportunity to make things as normal as before," he said.

"Oh! I'm sorry, man. But that is better than nothing, right?" Harry shrugged. "And you are seeing her tomorrow. Who knows what can happen?" he smiled, and his brother did the same.

To say that this night was hard was an understatement. Tom couldn't sleep. He scrolled through his entire timeline on Instagram, watched a movie, then another one, ate, played video game, and when there was nothing else to do, he decided that 5am was a good time to go to the gym. But not even that helped him relax. He could feel every fiber in his body suffering from anxiety. Tea with his mom after lunch was the only thing that kept his mind calm for a few hours. After that, he went home to get ready for the party. 

There was no set of clothes in his closet that worked. Nothing was good enough. "Hey..." Anna called him from the door. "Want some help?" she offered.

"No. I know you have other things to do. I don't wanna bother you," he said with a smile.

"Not a chance. Everything is settled and I'm ready. Harrison is the one taking forever," she rolled her eyes. "I can help you," she said, getting into his room, and sitting in his bed. "What are your choices?" she asked.

"I don't have any," he scratched his neck, a little embarrassed.

"I think I know what to do," she said, getting up and going through his closet. "It will be simple..." she said, picking up a black pair of jeans and throwing at him. "But very cute..." she picked a black shirt.

"How can a black shirt with a black pair of jeans be cute?" he asked, looking at the clothes she gave him.

"Please..." she rolled her eyes. "You'll look cute," she picked a black cardigan, that he rarely used, and gave it to him. "And will match with the maid of honor, cause she's wearing black too," she finally gave him a white sneaker and a pair of glasses that he liked to use as a fashion statement.

"I'll match the maid of honor?" he asked, biting his bottom lip, trying not to smile.

"Perfectly!" Anna said with a happy smile.

Tom looked at the ground. "I talked to her yesterday," he said, putting the clothes on the bed before Anna could leave.

"And?" Anna said expectantly.

"I was just telling her she didn't need to talk to me today if she didn't want to. But, she said she was okay talking to me," his shrug was trying to sound like he didn't care, but his smile was showing the truth.

"I think you two will work things out," Anna said with a smile, leaning in the doorway.

"I hope so. I miss her so much, it's physically painful sometimes," he confessed with a sad voice.

"I know. I'm rooting for you," Anna said, going to him, and giving him a hug.

"Thanks," he said, and she smiled, leaving him alone.

Soon, the house was getting crowded. The backyard was decorated with fairy lights and wooden furniture. The waiters and waitresses walked around the house, serving beer and pizza.

Tom tried to distract himself, talking to as many people as he could. His mom, dad, and brothers were there since they were practically Harrison's family. His mom was feeling his son's anxiety.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to him.

"Great," he said, but his voice sounded anxious. He kept moving his weight from one foot to another. "She'll be here soon," he said.

"I know. And you'll let her be. Otherwise, you'll scare her," she said.

"Yeah...sure," he agreed. He glanced at the door as he did at least fifty times in the last hour, and for his surprise, this time you were there, taking off your jacket, revealing the black floral dress Anna said you would wear. And you two were matching. Tom's smile grew wilder unconsciously. You talked to some guests that were inside the house and then went outside, joining Anna and Harrison. You looked like an angel. Tom couldn't believe he survived all this time away from you. You looked at him for a second, and he saw Anna whispering something to you. You smiled, widely, and Tom felt like he had won the night.

You walked toward him, going to talk to his family. You didn't see Nikki for so long. You missed drinking tea with her, talking about your life, asking for advice.

"Hey, Ms. Holland," you greeted her.

"Hi, sweetie. Long time, no see,' she said, hugging you.

"Yeah. I was...busy," you said, looking at Tom for a split second and then to her again.

"I imagined. How is everything going? College. Work. Life?" she asked.

"Pretty much the same. I meant to call you a few times in the last months, but I didn't wanna bother you," you said sincerely. You really thought about calling and talking to her.

"Don't be silly. I would've loved talking to you," she said with a kind smile. "Let's have lunch this week. What do you think?"

"I would like that very much," you said, relieved that she didn't hate you after all the drama.

"Dom, look who is here," she said, calling her husband's attention. He said goodbye to the person he was talking to, engaging in conversation with you two. Sometimes your eyes met Tom's, and he noticed a sparkle in them every time you did. He didn't say anything while you were talking to his parents. He didn't want to upset you. "If you excuse us, darling, we're gonna talk to some friends," Nikki said, caressing your arm.

"Sure, go ahead," you said with a smile. They left, and it was just you and Tom.

"Hi," he said softly, trying to contain his excitement.

"Hey," you said, scratching the label of the bottle you were holding, anxiously.

"You look really good," he said, drinking a sip of his beer after.

"Thanks. You too," you were avoiding his eyes.

"Anna helped me choose this," he pointed to his clothes.

"It looks good," you smiled, finally looking in his eyes.

Tom couldn't hold it anymore. His mind wanted to keep it cool, but his mouth was faster. "I miss you. Everyday," he said. You looked at him, and all your worries were dead. All you could think was how much you missed him and how much you wanted him back in your life.

"I..." you started.

"Okay, everyone...it's toast time," Anna said clinking her glass with a fork. You and Tom looked at each other. Tom was afraid he had ruined his only chance. You were sad cause you couldn't tell him you missed him too.

"I'll go first," Harrison said, and some people cheered. "So...Anna. What can I talk about Anna?" he joked. "I'm kidding. I'll just say that the first time Y/N brought you around," he looked at you, raising his bottle, and you smiled. "That day, I knew I would marry you. I didn't say anything cause we were all friends, and I didn't want to scare you. But then, we were watching England's game at the 2018 World Cup, and when we lost, you cried. At that moment, I knew I had do something to make you mine, cause we were made for each other. Two months later I asked you out, and we started dating. Now I'm happy to say that we're gonna cry over the English team together, forever," he said the last part, looking at her. Everyone around cheered and applauded them and Anna gave him a quick kiss.

"Okay, now it's my turn," Anna said, taking a step forward. She was a showoff. "Are you ready to cry?" she asked, looking at him, and he smiled, nodding. I thought I would never find someone that I loved enough to ignore their flaws and accept spending my life with them. Unlike from you, when we first met, I thought great eyes, great body," she laughed, looking at him. "We could be friends. I mean, Tom and Y/N were always together. It wasn't like we could ignore each other," she said, and you and Tom looked at each other. A bit of sadness in your eyes, thinking about how that part wasn't true anymore. "But then, I got to meet you better, I started to see your flaws, and yet, dislike you wasn't an option even if I tried. My grandma always said 'we like because...we love despite...' I like you because you're nice to me, you are my best friend and you always search for me in a room when someone tells something funny, just to see my reaction. And I love you despite you being the last one to get ready, your gym schedule, and all the times you yell 'Wonderwall' in my ear, even though you know I hate this song," she finished. Her eyes were glistening with tears, just like everybody else. It took a few seconds for people to start cheering and clapping them. Harrison hugged her, with a wide and bright smile.

"Great speech," you said, going to her and Harrison, and hugging them. Tom following right behind you.

"I almost cried again," Tom said, hugging Harrison.

"Almost?" Anna asked, her thumbs brushing the corner of his eyes, cleaning a tear that threatened to fall.

"It was a really good speech," he defended himself.

"Thanks," she smiled. "We're gonna talk to...some people. We see you guys later?" she said holding your hand, and you and Tom nodded.

"We're gonna eat something," he said, resting his hand on your lower back, and they left. "Can we talk?" he asked, once Harrison and Anna left.

 "Yeah, sure!" you said, and he noticed the anxiety in your voice. At least he wasn't the only one that was afraid.

He walked to his room, opening the door so you could go in first. You walked to the window, looking at the party that was happening downstairs.

"It looks really good from here," you said. "They are so happy," you smiled, watching Harrison and Anna dance together.

"I'm happy to see you," he said, cutting you off. "I've missed you. Everyone did," his hands were in his pockets, and he was trying to stay calm even though his heart was loud in his ear.

"I missed everyone too. It was good to see your mom," you said, fidgeting with the fabric of your dress. The room went silent. Tom didn't wanna push you, but he wanted to be with you and talk like before. Maybe he didn't think this through. The only noise was the music from the party. "I'm sorry," you said, taking a step forward, and Tom looked at you, waiting. You were nervous. "I'm sorry for pushing you away the way I did," your voice was heavy. "We were both sad and broken-hearted, and I was selfish. I only thought about the pain I was feeling. I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings," you said, and Tom felt his heart beating faster. He never thought about that night this way. He always thought about how much pain he caused you and how guilty he was feeling.

"I should've talked to you. I was so focused on the reasons why we couldn't be together," Tom said, taking a step in your direction. "I never thought about the reasons why we could," he confessed. These last three months he thought a lot about what he did wrong, and not talking to you sooner, giving you the chance to decide if you two could work, was his biggest mistake. "I was a coward. With you, with me, with that girl," his voice was trembling. "And I regret every day for what I did," he finished. You were looking at him, and your expression was unreadable. Even for him, that knew you for half of his life.

"I love you, and I," you started, but then you stopped. Your eyes blinking heavily. "I love you," you repeated after a few seconds, touching your lips with your fingers, looking away from him. It was like you could touch every word. "I...I love you!" you said like you just realized that. You had told him that before, but you were so hurt that you never let yourself feel that completely. Now, standing here, with nothing in your way, that was all you could feel. "I love you..." you smiled, looking at Tom that still had a lost look in his face. "I love you!" you said one last time like you were declaring your feelings for him.

Without giving you a chance to say it again, Tom walked the two steps that were keeping you apart, holding your face in his hands, and kissing you. It was urgent and frantic at first, but then you felt your heart slowing down and it was like the entire world was in slow motion. Your hand went to his waist, holding his sweater, while his fingers tangled in your hair, one of his hands holding your neck, deepening, even more, the kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered against your lips, breaking the kiss. He smiled, looking into your eyes. "And I really think we should go on a date."

~

1 year and 7 months later...

"Lunch is ready," Sam called from the kitchen, and soon footsteps and a door closing were heard upstairs.

"Y/N! You're cheating!" Tom yelled.

"Stop whining. I just closed the door!" you yelled back, running down the stair.

"Racing again?" Sam asked, seeing you enter the kitchen breathless.

"He said he would clean the room if I won," you shrugged. You yelped, feeling Tom lifting you up by the waist. "NO! PUT ME DOWN!" you yelled. 

"You cheated!" he said, carrying you to the backyard and locking you out. He pointed and laughed at you through the glass door.

"I can't believe you are doing this. Let me in. I'm hungry!" you said, crossing your arms on your chest.

"If you wanna get in you'll have to do three things first," he said.

"They are being idiots again?" Harry asked entering the kitchen and seeing you two.

"What's going on?" Harrison asked, and Harry pointed to the glass door.

"Idiots," Anna said sitting on a chair around the dinner table.

"What three things?" you asked.

"First, you'll apologize for cheating," he said and you rolled your eyes. "Second, you'll help me clean the room. And third," he put his hand on his pocket, taking out a black velvet box. He opened the box, revealing a ring, and your eyes grew wider, noticing what was happening. "Marry me?" he said, and you covered your mouth in shock, just like everyone else behind him.

"Yes!" you said, feeling your eyes burning. "Yesyesyes!" you repeated, nodding frantically, while he opened the door, pulling you into a hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[akane171]

...You know, for the longest time that saying confused me so much until a friend thankfully explained it, but I still think it's a very strange phrase😅 But nope, don't need to touch any grass🙈😅 

He definitely has😍 

Hahah, yess😂 Lol, considering everything, including little Huxley, being a "hermit" is a wise life choice😉 Screw humanity 😍😉

Ohhh, I see! Still sounds like a cool idea though!🤔 Lilian was indeed a very interesting character (no matter how evil-ly she might be) 😁

Honestly, I'll never stop smiling over the fact that BOTH of Kara's Mom's approve of Mon-El and already (seem to have) accepted him and joined Team Karamel😍😂🤗

DON'T JUST MHM! AND I MEAN THIS FOR BOTH TIMES YOU SAID IT😖

WE ARE *NOT* MURDERING KANGAROOS, STOP SAYING THAT! I'd never do any harm to them! 😭😭

I love "How you remind me"😍🙈 And ohh, Yeah, I've seen her post (is that even the correct term for this? I'm not really well versed in Tumblr vocab) stuff about it but haven't started on that topic yet😂🙈 

Sure, you're welcome😊 I'll probably write down another bunch of songs in a day or two, my brains just too fried to remember anything right now😅🙈

Ohhhh, I think I might even know most of them, but I gotta check it out (probably) tomorrow😍 But Ohh, True, "Listen to your heart" and "Nothing else matters" are very fitting too🤔

🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

They ignored SO much...So much that could have been SO awesome... You don't know what I don't get either? If they were gonna give him another love Interest, why Imra? Why not just Shady who his comic counterpart was married to anyway?😅🙈 

I'm not sure I SHOULD finish that thought😅🙈 Just...Well, think like this: neurons work with energy/electricity and well, just think of all the nerves he could influence and the hormones etc he could release🙈🙈

That is a very nice quote btw, and dunno, it's just sad, but hey, at least we have fanfics🤷🏻‍♀️🙈

Ohhhhhh😍😍😍😍 That sounds cool! Tho poor Mon, almost getting assassinated and sentenced to death😭

Ohhh, I'm SO hyped for your fics!😍😍😍😍

...Well, maybe think like this to make it better: Mon-days -> Mon-El-days -> Mon-El 😏😂😍

HAHAHA, yess, she would and Donna could be the sarcastic, badass, protective bestie Mon needs😍😍💃🏻

Anyway, take care, stay safe, well-rested, healthy and happy😉😉😂😊

Oh, another headcanon: Post!series Mon-El's grows out a bit for a while cause he's busy (Imagine the hair style Chris had in the IDM online event? With the bit of bangs? Like THAT I mean😁)

XXX

Like, it's beautiful phrase. I do it quite often, every time I can.

Seriously, dude has a face, voice, acting talent, sense of humour - Mel is a lucky girl ;D

I admire their dedication to not show their faces. But sometimes, I wish they hadn't be SUCH hermits xD

And all he needed was ONE day for them to get approval. But he was such a sweetehart and prised Kara like no tomorrow in both cases, that I'm not surprised :D

Mhm.

Mhm, sure. I read your messages. The evidences are there.

Go and harass her then xD

I like their one more song and have it on my karamel playlist If Everyone cared. Sure, send more,I'm a music freak so xD eheheheh, that's why i have a whole karamel playlist on spotify - immediatelly i can harass people with it ;D

I think that maybe they knew that Imra and Mon-El were not meant to be, just then somethign happened aka Kreisberg drama and they rewritten it all? I think they didn't want canon Mon-el LI, becasue they knew they were going to fuck it and didn't want to piss off comic book nerds. Or dunno, but the fact is mimra made zero sense and Imra was made a real bitch. when you think about it. And well, her sister was always more important to her than him, so. ... and well, Kara was always more important for him too, so a seriosuly pair made in heaven *raging sarcasm*

Well.... good headcanon xD

I'm going forever bitter about it. Becasue SG had so much potential, especially when we think about the cast and the comic book canons, and they could have done even the human/Earth stuff convincing. Like, did anyone believed in that world? Ugh.

Well, if I write it, he is going to suffer here and there, but nothigng angsty, just life being brutal xD and hey, he will meet the love of his life! and dragons! How cool is it?!

I;m afraid it doesn't work for me. Monday is more liek MOANday and not in the sexy way =='

Write this friendship into a fic :P

Also, there is no one to cut his hair and shave him, right? That's Kara's job ;D