#btw I'm super queer and these are the words i reclaim

[ghcstcd]

Where is that post that says "not a woman, not a man, but a secret third thing (a faggot)" because that is Dewdrop

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!

just looking for a bit of advice here.

okay so for some background, i came out to my friend almost a year ago (kind of sort of, i just told her i liked girls as a girl myself) we’re both in school btw. she was completely supportive of me and even defended me against anything remotely homophobic. she was really sweet and understanding and i felt super safe with her. she’s been one of my best friends since middle school and she’s always stuck with me.

recently though, things have been changing. she’s always been a little back and forth with me and our other friends, always choosing who to be nice to in our group that day, it was never all of us. but now, she’s been more cold to just me consistently, ignoring me in big groups, looking me up and down, getting ‘mad’ at me for every reason she can find. it’s just not great. but then out of the blue some days, she acts like im her best friend and she loves me and is so so kind to me. those are the days i feel safe with her again.

but that’s not what’s bothering me the most about her behavior recently. what is, is that she’s been using the f slur a lot, not often directed at people (though i assume its at me when she says “i hate *f slurs* when i do something she doesn’t like) i’ll oftentimes just brush it off and act like she was just making a joke that was actually funny with a little remark back to her. i don’t know if she’s actually homophobic, because she’s really close with some of my gay friends and doesn’t do this to them, also because of her support when i came out.

and i really don’t know what to do about it because i love her friendship when she wants to give it to me, but what she’s doing is starting to really hurt me. i’ve talked to my best friend (who is amazingly kind and has also experienced this friend’s fake side) about some of this but i just don’t think she’d understand how deeply this hurts me

anyway, didn’t mean to dump on you this much but i just hope you can help me find what to do next. thank you <33

(also if i end up sending another ask, which is pretty unlikely, you can just call me eternal sunshine anon <3)

Hi love!

So what your friend is doing is NOT okay. Using the f-slur in that way is absolutely homophobic and could be considered a crime depending on your location. Now, I'm not saying you should call the police or anything. There's obviously nuance with the word- some queer people have chosen to reclaim it, and there is a huge amount of ignorance with people outside of the community. However, your friend is deeply in the wrong.

I think the first thing I would push you to do, though, is talk to your friend. I know it can be intimidating to address conflict like this head-on, but it seems like you do care for this friend, so I think you should at least try to tell her that these and other actions make you upset and make you feel unsafe. Right now, there's the very small chance that she's unaware, so we don't know if she's hurting you on purpose. Her reaction will be a huge indicator of whether or not it's worth it to stay friends. An ignorant but well-meaning person might say, "oh my god, I had NO idea, I'll really work to do better!" and then actually do so. But if she doubles down or tells you you're being too sensitive, I would urge you to reconsider that friendship. A 'friend' who is willing to intentionally do something that hurts you isn't really a friend.

Remember too that even if someone doesn't understand WHY something is hurtful, a person who cares will still make an effort to feel comfortable. So even if she doesn't fully understand why you dislike some of her actions, as long as your requests are reasonable, she should still try to do better. (Asking her to not use a hateful slur is EXTREMELY reasonable.)

You have the right to set boundaries and ask for respect and if people don't like that, they aren't worth your energy or friendship.

I hope this helps! <3 <3 <3

[wildlyunlikelynae]

Our generation (Im 22 in 2018) are very nonchalant about our history and where we come from. They dont WANT to know anything. Because like kids they think they know everything. 🙄 Its super fucking annoying. But outside of all of that I have to be honest in saying that most of the exclusionary views are coming from people who are privileged in other ways. They're entitled because of class or RACE (looking at you white gays) and like to pretend that anything other than LG(BTQ) issues isnt worth caring about or trying to fight for....and honestly a LOT of them still treat Trans people cruelly to the point of trying to get the fucking T removed not recognizing that it was a Black QUEER TRANS WOMAN who fucking started this movement along with many others.

Gay men are bashing trans women and trying to co-opt drag not knowing (or ignoring) that it was made by and for trans women to make money for themselves sense presenting as themselves full time made it hard to get hired without dealing with abuse!

You have kids on this site telling others they are not allowed to identify as queer because its a fucking slur when like 1.slurs have been reclaimed by many other groups before & I say this as a Black Queer Hoe (thats 3 right there btw) so work with me 2. People have been identifying as queer way before the age of tumblr and they'll do so after its gone. But everybodys young asses think the Q stands for questioning (which I'm not opposed to) its just irks to hear them think questioning is okay but Queer is not *Questioning isnt actually an identifier ppl.....which is exactly what LGBT are lmaoo labels/identities whatever floats your boat point is one of these things does not belong and it aint the word queer its the word questioning. I digress.

I feel as though a lot of us learned from eachother thru the internet that we weren't alone instead of places like the village and things of that nature which is why its like the blind leading the blind out here.

*maybe I'm wrong lmk

stop fucking calling all lesbians dykes (ex. "an older dyke", "many of the awesome dykes"), especially if you're not a lesbian. "lesbian" is a label that exists and it's rude and disrespectful to use a slur to refer to a broad group of people who you don't personally know. that should honestly be obvious.

When I say ‘dykes’, I mean ‘dykes’. As in: people who identify as dykes. 

In the post you’re refering to I made it quite clear that I was writing about dykes I  know and when I speak of these dykes I won’t erase or sanitize their identities by using a mainstream, tame, deradicalized word that denies the words they specifically chose for themselves to emphasize their identities and their struggles as queer marganilized working class proudly-perverted revolutionary DYKES. 

Keep your fucking respectability politics to yourself. 

[colorisbyshe]

Honest question, not trying to be a dick or anything, I'm just dumb. So... my question is: is Queer Theory bad? Like, is it just cishets talking about shit they don't understand about us like we're animals in a zoo? Or is there actually queer Queer Theory out there? idk I just hear a lot of dumb people citing QT as the reason why queer was never a slur and always reclaimed and I don't get it?? feel free to ignore btw hugs and kisses to the cats lol

Queer Theory is a mixed bag?? There’s good queer theory and there’s bad queer theory. It’s really hard to sweep it all into one category and praise and lambast it all because queer theory... isn’t any one “theory” or one coherent group of theorists. As a whole, I’m not a fan of it and am wary of any academia self-labeled as “queer theory” (although a lot of theory that never called itself such is often grouped in with it ,as all LGBT studies are now shoved in here, along with some women’s studies and general gender studies) but it’s not “just cishets.”

Much of queer theory is coming from actually LGBT people, though not all of it, but being LGBT doesn’t mean.. you have actually good opinions on what it means to be LGBT. Just like being a woman doesn’t guarantee a woman isn’t spewing out misogynistic bullshit.

Here’s a very good piece summing up my issues with “Queer Theory.”

As to whether or not queer theory proves queer was never a slur, that’s dumb as fuck. First off, queer theory is super fucking recent in terms of academia, queer as a slur far proceeded it. Also, a slur can’t “Always be reclaimed;” for something to be reclaimed, it has to be used against you first. For something to be reclaimed, it must first be a slur, negating the “always.”

But, no, queer theory existing as an academic term doesn’t mean queer isn’t a slur, it just means a lot of very, very privileged academics used a word they shouldn’t have because they’re disconnected from the truly marginalized experiences they’re writing about. Academia is not immune from being dumb as fuck. I had a literal, actual gender studies professor misgender Chelsea Manning. Another promoted white suffragettes as true progressives and not racist pieces of shit. Professors, theorists, authors, academics--none of them have the power to declare what is or isnt’ good politics.

Or reclaim a slur for an entire community.

No one has the power to reclaim a slur for an entire oppressed group. Not the elite academics, not the most disempowered, disenfranchised person, only the individual can.

Queer Theory existing doesn’t make queer no longer a slur nor has it accomplished much else, as it’s often liberal filth, pretentious bullshit, OR it’s theorists who never identified as queer theorists being taught as such anyways and they happen to be right, so queer theorists pretend they’re one of their own.

Listen, there’s lots of good works and bad works on gender and sexuality out there. I recommend even reading some of the bad shit just to understand the perspectives at hand and what’s being responded to. And also a lot of the bad isn’t... entirely bad.

But like... if anyone comes at you using queer fuckign theory to justify ANYTHING... just know that you’re in for a wild ride.