#brutalturn

[slettlune]

i just watched last night's royal rumble with vee. it's the first bit of wrestling i've seen in a year or so (i'm the biggest fake fan, i know)

i don't know how to begin to explain to normies that the participant i was most excited about was rey mysterio who i do not think ought to be wrestling anymore at fifty years old and with such a broken body (but knowing what kind of wrestler he is i don't imagine he'll ever accept retirement), but who i can't help cheering for anytime he's in a ring. like he was the number one entrant! and he held up for SO long, bless him

did i think he was gonna win? obviously not, that'd be ridiculous. did i think he was gonna do any particularly impressive moves? i was hoping he wouldn't, his knees have been fucked for two decades, and you could tell he slipped several times during the match. was i still emotional about him kicking off the match and squaring off against penta, and did i pop when he did his slow and gentle 619? hell yeah.

vee was so entertained at me yelling firmly at the other wrestlers "NO! SLOW! BE NICE TO GRANDPA!!" every time they picked him up, and then i was noticeably relieved when he got eliminated.

[martellthacool]

Tweeted

Unverify everyone too llol

— BrutalTurn (@BrutalTurn) March 13, 2019

[reachprovo]

News: Shows This Week (3/6-3/11)

Downtown Provo, Utah.

Mark your calendar for this week’s shows!

March 7, 2017

Velour Live Music Gallery

Wednesday, March 8th, Open Mic Night at Velour!

Thursday, March 9th, (Jazz-pop night) 4th East Flood takes the stage with Jake Chamberlain

Friday, March 10th, Brumby w/ Mad Max & The Wild Ones, and Paint The Woods.

Saturday, March 11th, Book On Tape Worm EP RELEASE, w/ Quiet House, and Julianne Brough.

Doors open at 8pm. Shows begin around 8:30pm.

Muse Music Cafe

Friday, March 10th, American Coast ALBUM RELEASE, w/ Batty Blue, Pigimichi, and Liv Claire.

Saturday, March 11th, Hooligin w/ TheDopestMatrix (Portland), Maikon, YB General, Anonymous One, OJ, BrutalTurn and Freemind Movement.

The Wall @ BYU’s Student Center

Friday, March 10th, Cory Glover Trio, The Fangs, Su Grand and Junior Mathematics. Doors at 6:30pm. Show starts at 7pm. Tickets $3 at the Door.

Gezzo Hall

Saturday, March 11th, Great White Shore, PACE, Suit up, Soldier, and Jason Kelly Fullmer. Doors open at 8pm. Show starts at 8:30pm.

  from News: Shows This Week (3/6-3/11)

[slettlune]

do you know how HUMILIATING it is when vee tells me "hey there's a match i want us to see, i think you'll like this tag team" and then turns out i'm IMMEDIATELY obsessed

it was axiom and frazer, but mostly axiom. short flippy luchador who's great at selling so he does the babyface-in-peril thing ABSOLUTELY pitch perfect? jesus christ i'm so predictable

look at him getting bullied and reaching pleadingly for his tag team partner who's too far away to save him!!!! perfect size for getting flung around and beat up endlessly aaagh

[slettlune]

even though i knew regal was gonna show up i got so excited!! vee is a wrestling nerd and will pop hard whenever someone he knows from puro or roh shows up, but i pop the hardest for an old grumpy englishman in a three-piece suit

[slettlune]

finally watched aew revolution!

vee accused me of having watched it in secret bc when mjf pulled out the little black bag from under the ring i tried to be funny and went “oh good i hope that’s marshmallows in there” and two seconds later jr on commentary went “that’s not marshmallows in there...!”

kinda worried i have some kind of psychic link with jim ross

[slettlune]

finally watched this week’s ppv

it’s possibly the most endearing thing i’ve EVER witnessed in wrestling, when punk knee’d darby so hard darby slid between the ropes out of the ring, and you could see half-a-second of punk breaking character entirely, panic on his face, his arms stretched out bc he CLEARLY didn’t intend for darby to fall down on the concrete floor

and then they just kept wrestling

[slettlune]

vee’s back on the wwe subscription SOLELY for walter murdering everyone in nxt

we’ve watched so many walter matches today. the amount of bruised chests, the welts! i swear walter has the most brutal chest strikes since chris [redacted]

[slettlune]

i’m gonna admit i discovered wrasslin JUST as cm punk quit the business so i don’t have a lot of personal investment in his return

but i am LIVING for how the audience absolutely loses their shit at the music, and the infotron, at his appearance. when they start chanting again it synchs with the music and the energy just builds and builds

[slettlune]

i want the long hair wet look to return as trend in wrestling, just because it’s SO satisfying to see how the wrestler’s been working so hard that by the end of the match most of it has evaporated and you’re left with pure fluff instead

[slettlune]

i’ve been a pro wrestling fan for six years

and still i can’t keep my composure when i see this pin held for the three-count

[slettlune]

i’m straight up pointing at the screen like. rey. REY. THINK about this.

that’s a CONCRETE FLOOOO-

[slettlune]

three of the four commentators are completely clueless about lucha libre and spend an inordinate amount of time making fun of the fact that rey mysterio used to wrestle under the name of colibri (hummingbird) before he earned the family name

and THEN HE DOES A SPRINGBOARD FLIP DDT OUT OF NOWHERE AND THEY CHANGE THEIR TUNE IN A HURRY

[slettlune]

i’m watching the first big matchup of guerrero and mysterio and i know this is how linear time works but they’re SO YOUNG????

[slettlune]

aew revolution babyyy! one week late as usual bc me and vee have to make arrangements to watch the events together

- young bucks vs jericho-mjf was fun and a REAL nailbiter, those were some marvellously close calls

- the tag team battle royale was the fUNNEST royale aew has put on so far. it was a lot clearer than their other ones (mostly bc they finally saw sense and began the thing with just a few participants instead of shoving a ton of them in there at once) AND THE LAST FIVE MINUTES WERE SO GOOD????? fenix vs jungle boy was AMAZING, they played so spectacularly well together it’s fucking insane they pulled all of that off in the final lap of a long battle royale. MORE JUNGLE BOY VS FENIX

- the big money match was... eh. matt is getting so slow it’s kinda hard to watch

- ladder match was a total snoozefest. also i fucking hated the brass ring, it was just stupid self-indulgent meta and just looked like a ring from sonic. we sighed every time cody showed up

- the sting match we just skipped through but it looked so corny. just stop it with the “cinematic” pre-recorded matches for god sakes.

- exploding barbed wire deathmatch: you know. we got blood, we got explosions, we got clothes and skin ripped open. i’d been spoiled about the dud explosion and it was DELIGHTFUL, one of the funniest botches i’ve ever seen in wrestling. it was meant to be the CLIMAX and the commentators were really going for it (”OHMYGODDD!”) and then it was just a few sparklers fizzing out holy shit that was the point when i wanted to buy the event t-shirt because that was HISTORICALLY BAD

[slettlune]

vee and i have a really dumb game where come up with stupid knock-off names for wrestlers, and the conversation always goes like

“now entering the ring... BENNY BETA accompanied by THE YOUTHFUL STEEDS”

“haha why do they always sound like porn names”

(pause as we ponder this)

“ASDFØMKLFD BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL NAMES ALWAYS SOUND LIKE PORN NAMES”