#bruh if someone ever tries to fucking make money off my murder while putting on makeup or whatever

[cookinguptales]

now that I'm done imagining a jar of peanut butter, can I just say that I love that Shane and Ryan have shifted away from traditional true crime to just shootin' the shit about weird-ass mysteries?

I always liked the "let's talk about weird mysteries" aspect of buzzfeed unsolved, but being real with you, I'm uncomfortable with true crime and the culture surrounding it. like... as someone who lost a loved one to a violent (and temporarily unsolved) crime, I've seen firsthand how internet theorizing can make a traumatizing time even harder and like. it's fucking rough, man.

I get that it makes money and all (which... is a whole other can of worms) but when you view human suffering as entertainment, it's so easy to forget about the real people who will actually be affected by what's put out there on the internet.

so I'm happy that Shane and Ryan seem to be leaning a lot more into "wow, some unhinged shit happened! how fucked up is that?" on mystery files. more of this, please!!

[criminalminds4days]

Family Matters | Chapter 8: First Time

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 2.8k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog​

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 8: First Time

It is time to reveal the first meeting between the shy doctor and his new, very clumsy girlfriend.

Why is this the time, you may ask?

Well, because,  what better way to intrigue the reader than by leaving the couple in newfound happiness without delivering the details of the said night. As well as provide a title that could reference the event and/or have it mean something completely different.

Not to worry, the awaited next morning shall be given in the next chapter.

Without any more delay, please enjoy the individual perspective of the first time they saw each other.

She took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened for the first time, leading her to what was bound to be her new workplace. She smiled politely at all the people she encountered in her short walk and as soon as she reached the glass doors she froze.

How had she made it this far? What if she wasn't good enough? What if the whole room hated her and she was just a horrible profiler and got fired on day two?

No, she was good enough otherwise she wouldn't be here. That was easier said than believed. She gathered the courage she needed and pushed the door, only to be greeted with it being stuck. She continued putting force, hoping it would decide to open before someone noticed her struggling, but it was too late for that.

"It's a pull, not a push." A deep voice said, behind her. She turned to see a dark-skinned tall man with no hair and very full eyebrows. He was wearing a black T-shirt that made his obvious muscles stand out. He wore black pants and dress shoes and a gun was holstered to his side. He was cute! Not that she had the time for dating, she didn't want a repeat of last year.

Instead of commenting on his appearance or flirting, she decided to pull the door, and would you know? It was suddenly unstuck. "I knew it wasn't stuck, I was just making sure it was strong enough."

The man chuckled, followed by a "sure," that wasn't even trying to sound convincing.

She made her way inside the bullpen, looking for her new boss, Aaron Hotchner's office. As she approached said room, a group of desks with only one person sitting caught her eye. She debated whether to approach but she could feel the man from earlier staring at her and decided not to. As soon as she met with agent Hotch, as he asked her to refer to him as, they were called for a case and she was in the meeting room for the first time, sitting as far away from everyone as possible.

"Everyone, before we start I want to introduce you to our new Agent," Hotch said, as he referred to the woman. She stood and waved. "This is our team, Derek Morgan," he said pointing at the man from earlier, he winked at her knowingly and she simply smiled, already wishing to leave. "This is Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi-"

"DAVID ROSSI?!" Her voice echoed through the room and she instantly felt embarrassment settle in. "I am so sorry, I'm such a fan. You must get that a lot, sorry."

She looked at the members she had been introduced to, Jennifer Jareau was wearing a striped dress shirt and dress pants, her blonde hair was left down and her blue eyes looked amused. Emily Prentiss wore her black hair in a low ponytail, a pink shirt, and black pants, she also seemed to be having a good time at her expense.

The man whose books she had in paperback, hardcover and audible, simply chuckled as if his only feeling was amusement. His hair was short and he had a lock beard look going on, a black suit with a matching red tie a clearly expensive watch on his wrist, he basically smelled like money.

"As I was saying," continued Hotch, adjusting the blue tie of his seemingly very expensive suit, a white dress shirt underneath. "This is Penelope Garcia, our Tech analyst, and Dr. Spencer Reid." She looked at the last two members and for the first time, she saw people like her. Although all the members introduced prior seemed like good people, they also seemed so professional, like they knew what they were doing and when to get their hands dirty. The remaining two, seemed younger, like how they presented themselves to the world was the same whether they were on the job as it was in their spare time.

Penelope had a beautiful rainbow dress, her blonde hair with a lot of volume and pins stuck all over, although she didn't like cats, she adored the woman's cat-themed glasses, and deep down she was a sucker for glitter. Spencer, the other doctor in the room, was wearing a white shirt underneath the comfiest looking red sweater she had ever seen. It was weird seeing someone wearing a sweater in the middle of the summer, but hey, who was she to judge? His hair was lazily pushed back and his curls were so pretty! How do you get curls that pretty?! Not to mention he was good looking, a defined jawline, and those brown eyes could melt her any time he wanted.

There she was, thinking things she shouldn't of yet another coworker. "It is a pleasure to meet you all." She took her seat again and Penelope began presenting the case.

As they were brainstorming, she had finally felt confident enough to suggest something, only to find herself interrupted by Spencer Reid. "Nu-uh bruh, I know you didn't just interrupt me mid-sentence." She spoke, clearly not having it. "I did not work my butt off to make it to the FBI just so that a man who wears sweaters in the middle of July cuts me off on my first day!" All eyes turned to her, perplexed. "I don't know how they do it here in the East Coast but back in the west we let a person finish their sentence." Laughs emerged in the room, and Spencer's eyebrows furrowed, slightly annoyed and very confused.

"I beg your pardon?" The man questioned.

"As you should. My pardon is granted." She turned back and finished her thoughts.

At that moment, unknowingly, she had just put into motion the seed for what would become her and Spencer Reid's relationship. And all the events that followed, her almost-death at the hands of a cult leader, her cool head when proving Morgan's innocence, and the countless times she made sure every single member of her team remained safe while providing them with immense ammunition to laugh when feeling down left an impression. Neither knew it but they were on each other's mind more than they realized. But that's not what you want to hear right now, is it?

After getting on the jet, the seat next to who she believed to be Emily Prentiss was the only one available. She took the seat and the woman gave her a kind smile.

"It wasn't that bad." She assured her.

"I may have just made a really bad first impression."

"You didn't, if anything we like you more than before." She followed this by a wink as the team reviewed the case and they took off.

"So, detective Owen is leading this investigation, you guys remember him, correct?" JJ spoke first.

"From the stalker case," Hotch noted.

"Yes." The blonde agreed, "Spence, you remember that case, right?"

"Yes Jennifer, I do." She took a chance by glancing up to find him very flustered at the mention.

"Do you ever talk to, what's her name again... Lila, right? Do you keep in contact with her?" She questioned, an amused smile forming on her face.

"I honestly think we should focus on this particular case." He answered, avoiding the question.

She turned to Emily who shrugged, just as confused as she was. Rossi seemed as lost as the two women, but Morgan and JJ seemed to be having a good time.

After landing and meeting with the local PD, they had begun their investigation, trying to understand this unsub. It had been about twenty-four hours since she had food and her growling stomach wasn't helping anyone.

"How about we go to get some food newbie?" Emily suggested, "I could use some right now."

"Sure."

As they made their way to the first food cart they saw, Emily cursed under her breath. "Fuck, I forgot my purse."

"It's okay, my treat. After all, thanks to you I'm getting food."

"I will pay you back."

"No need." With this said, the two ordered a hot dog and a soda. She should have known better than to do so, as soon after her first bite, the meal decided to find a second home in her shirt. "Oh, come on!"

"That's not good." Emily agreed, "let me run to the hotel, it's two blocks from here, and I'll get you a new shirt."

"You don't need to do that."

"I will be fast, don't worry."

Too late she realized that Emily's purse, which she assumed had her hotel key, was in the office. Nonetheless, the woman returned with a sweater to help her cover the stain. The irony wasn't lost on her, she judged Spencer's sweater-wearing and now she had to do the same.

This was definitely going to be a great day.

*************************************************

Spencer Reid was never one to be noisy, nor the first one to notice people. This often came out as rude and most people believed he thought he was better than them, which was not the case. The truth is that overcoming his addiction had left him drained, the parting of Elle Greenaway, the only woman he could safely admit he loved, and the departure of yet another father figure, Jason Gideon, had made him developed a closed-off personality that prevented him from ever creating attachments to new individuals. Emily Prentiss and David Rossi being the only exceptions.

This is important to know because as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen walked into the bullpen, he tried his hardest to avoid looking up. Granted, it was more for appearance sake than anything, because there was no way he hadn't noticed her. How could he not? She wore a white shirt that was loose enough to give her a sense of floating through the room. He had seen her struggle to open the door, and the interaction she had with Derek Morgan and knew if he made a move the Doctor would have no chance. Not that he wanted one, he didn't even know her name.

He saw her walk towards Aaron Hotchner's office and any possibility that might have crossed his mind had been completely shattered. She would be his teammate, and fraternization was not allowed within the same unit. Again, that was just stating the facts, because he wouldn't even consider entering a romantic relationship. It was true that he had kissed more girls in the last two years than he had done in the last twenty-six years of his life, but that didn't mean he was a player, or that he would try to get in the new agents' pants.

After discussing these same things with himself he was called into the bullpen and knew they would be introduced to the new girl. He fixed his sweater and rubbed his hands clearing the sweat that had accumulated.

"You okay, Spence?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You seem a little nervous."

"I haven't had enough coffee, is all."

"Well, how could you? Your drinks are basically liquid sugar."

"It's not that bad JJ." They both reached the room in which they held their round table and sat next to each other.

Slowly, the room filled with the rest of the team and lastly by their Unit Chief and the new member. She was introduced to all of them and he couldn't help but notice how her hands seemed so shaky and her cheeks were flushed. He took his view from her and attempted to concentrate on the case. When he finally found himself in the zone was when his biggest mistake occurred.

"If you look at the scar marks though it seems-" Before he could continue, the girl he had just interrupted had cut him off.

She made sure to set him straight and he looked up just in time to hear her mention his summer-sweater wearing and feel completely embarrassed.

"I beg your pardon?" He said a little annoyed. Sure, it wasn't correct to interrupt her, but bringing his sweater tendencies was not polite. She took his words as an actual apology whether he intended it that way or not (which he didn't) and continued.

The memory would forever be engraved in his brain, he knew that were the little things that made having an eidetic memory, not such a great perk. So, as they sat in the jet he avoided all eye contact.

How could never look her in the eye without remembering their first real interaction, and he was sure she would not want to actually have a conversation with a guy that had come off as dismissive on her first day.

He would have overthought the whole situation if it hadn't been for JJ reminding him of his first 'fling' as the team often referred to it. Lila had been an actress they had protected from a stalker, and Reid couldn't help but fall for her charms. They hadn't talked in a while, mostly because he knew dating someone you barely knew was hard enough, but doing it when the two of you lived on the other side of the country was even worse.

He made sure to try and forget the mentioned girl and the incident with the new agent as he fixed his bed space. Sleeping in hotel rooms made him very uncomfortable, knowing all the germs that could possibly inhabit every single inch, but he loved his job, so with a few accommodations, he got through it.

"More sweaters pretty boy?" Morgan said, taking one out of his go-bag. "How did it go, ah yes: I did not work my butt off to make it to the FBI just so that a man who wears sweaters in the middle of July cuts me off on my first day!"

"Please stop, it's bad enough I will forever have that memory seared in my brain. She probably thinks I'm a douchebag."

"She probably does." His roommate teased. "But don't worry, she'll come around, now, let's go. We have work to do."

Morgan threw the sweater onto his bed and the two made their way to the local police station. They spent about five hours trying to come up with a preliminary profile, hoping this would give them the insight they needed to determine the importance of victimology, and possible help with a geographical profile by letting them know if there had been missing person's reports or bodies of people that fit that general victimology. After that time Emily and the new girl decided to go get food. He was hungry too but decided against going with them because he didn't think he would be well received.

After about half an hour, the pair returned and the girl was wearing a sweater that very clearly resembled the one Morgan had left on his bed earlier that day. He didn't think much of it until they returned to their hotel room and said clothing item was nowhere to be found.

"How on earth does a sweater just disappear? We had a do not disturb sign up, there is no way housekeeping would come in." Morgan said as they both looked for it.

At this point, Spencer knew why he wouldn't find his sweater, but decided to remain silent. How could he ask her politely to return it? And more importantly, why was she wearing it? How did she get a hold of it?

He never really got an answer to these questions, as they were not really friends, and he didn't feel comfortable asking about it. She had worn it a couple of times, including during their kidnapping, it seemed rather odd to bring it up then. "Hey, I know we might die, but I just have to know: How did you get my sweater?" was probably not going to cut it. So he let her keep it, and eventually, while the memory was still engraved in his brain, it became less relevant. That was, until the next morning of their shared night, when he saw said sweater very visibly hanging on her closet door and decided to try it on and see if it still fit.

[pcthstrayed]

( ross butler, 19, he/him )  welcome to  san francisco, ARLO PARK.  rumor has it they are a WITCH/DARKLIGHTER, but only they could tell you the truth! when i close my eyes, i think of them and imagine BLOODSTAINS SCRUBBED OUT OF CREAM COLORED CARPETS, LYFT SCOOTERS, AND THE PRODIGAL SON.

     are you as tired of me doing intros as i am? ‘cuz bruh.  you’re getting the lazy sparknotes version bc i’m tired and gay.

 arlo is penelope park’s cousin! sadly he  ( thinks he is )  tragically heterosexual, but it would have been nice if the family radiated big gay energy.  idk maybe it isn’t too late for him, we’ll see.  he’s also a student at salvatore.  i think he used to go to a public school back home, but i think Some Fucked Up Things Happened and his mom panicked and decided he needed to be around some more positive role models.  hence why he was sent to salvatore.  

speaking of Some Fucked Up Things...  arlo’s dad is Not a good guy.  i want to say he uses his magic for evil, and it’s gotten him ostracized from the coven.  arlo has always been his dad’s closest ally, and sort of confidante, so his mom was shooketh when she found out that not only was bad dad bad, but that arlo had known all along and hadn’t said anything.  he thought he could contain it, maybe talk him out of some of his terrible ideas, but his dad is Not OK and needs help.   but everything fell apart, his parents divorced and his dad is basically m.i.a. now.   rip.  

( edit oct 2019 )  but here is the thing y’all, arlo’s dad is not his biological father. when his parents were trying to have kids they found out his dad couldn’t have kids. so they used a sperm donor and voila arlo was born! tbh arlo is pretty dumb so i don’t think he’s really even like become cognizant of the fact that he and his dad don’t look alike, and don’t have much in common.  is this ignorance or naivety? idk, if your parents tell you something who are you to question it.  anyways his mom never told him the truth even after everything with his dad bc she was afraid she would lose him. he was already closer with his father and she could feel him slipping down the wrong path. fear is a powerful motivator y’all.

personality wise he’s a ‘lil emo, a lil dramatic, always thinks people are talking shit about him.  in his defense, a lot of times they are.  his dad kind of fucked up their family’s reputation and since he’s from california ( i wanna say malibu ),  he’s lived in this area for most of his life so it’s not really a fresh start.  he’s also pissed he can’t go home and visit his dogs which is a fucking mood and a half. 

since his family is a mess, his family’s money is... dwindling, i could see him doing magic for hire on the side.  basically you want something done? something you’re not super proud of or above board? he’ll help you out my dudes, dudettes, and persons.  he’s got you.  

UPDATE JAN 26, 2020

arlo  has  tapped  into  that  park  family  gay  energy  and  acknowledged  his  chaotic  bisexual  energy.  he  has  feelings  for  both  amber  and  callum  and  is  trying  to  come  to  terms  with  everything.  yet  —  lmao,  his  sexuality  is  hardly  the  biggest  situation  at  the  current  moment  in  time.

after  callum  murdered  maya  marceli  in  cold  blood,  arlo  helped  him  bury  the  body.  he  didn’t  hesitate,  simply  did  what  needed  to  be  done.  it  wasn’t  the  first  time  he  helped  someone  dispose  of  a  body  and  the  only  reason  he  felt  bad  about  it  was  because  it  was  maya.  he  knew her,  he  liked  her,  but  he’d  have  done  anything  to  protect  callum.  

his  best  friend,  bradley  duke  (  @teenagewste​  )  recently  got  involved  with  finn  mikaelson.  when  the  vampire  was  whammied  by  the  horseman  famine,  he  came  up  with  a  contingency  plan  to  ensure  he  would  never  end  up  daggered.  a  spell  was  put  in  place  and  as  soon  as  he  was  daggered,  he  body-jumped  straight  into  arlo  and  left  town  while  the  barrier  was  down.   bye  bye  body. 

in  order  to  make  sure  his  friend  doesn’t  spend  his  prime  years  in  a  coffin,  bradley  spelled  arlo  into  the  body  of  morgan  cummings  —  a  triggered,  very  angry  werewolf,  who  isn’t  pleased  about  the  situation.   until  they  can  track  down  finn  with  a  locator  spell,  this  is  really  the  best  of  the  bad  options.

remember  how  i  said  arlo  doesn’t  know  his  bio  dad  ?  turns  out,  his  bio  dad  is  jack  of  darklighter  fame.   so  not  only  is  he  a  witch  but  he’s  a  darklighter.  somewhere  in  tahiti,  finn  mikaelson  is  having  a  fuckin’  field day.   arlo  doesn’t  know  any  of  this  yet  tho  sooooo  lmao  we’re  in  for  a  STORM.  

UPDATE FEB 22, 2020

so  the  angry  werewolf  kept  trying  to  kill  them  both,  so  bradley  bradley  started  looking  for  a  new  body  to  throw  his  friend  into.   he  found  a  dumb,  tall,  white  dude,  who  was  seemingly  human  and  normal  and  said  yes,  this  is  the  right  one.  so  arlo  jumped  into  aiden  kincaid’s  body  and  eh  voila.  

arlo  reluctantly  agrees,  mostly  bc  he’s  afraid  of  morgan,  and  he  jumps  in.   except,  yeah,  this  body’s  in  transition.   he  has  a  choice  to  make;   feed,  or  die.   except  he  doesn’t  because  oops,  yeah,  he  fed.   now  he’s  a  vampire  soooo  this  should  be  fun  !!

UPDATE APRIL 8, 2020

after  removing  famine’s  ring  from  daniel  warren  /  levi  stone’s  finger,  it  was  given  to  finn  mikaelson  (  in  the  body  of  arlo  park  )  for  safekeeping.   while  the  horseman  might  be  out  of  commission  for  now,  he  was  very  cognizant  of  the  fact  that  it  would  likely  only  be  temporary.

self  preservation  in  mind,  finn  did  the  only  thing  that  made  sense.   he  found  a  body  that  no  one  would  assume  him  to  ever  take  —  her  name  was  fiona  michaels.   the  irony  wasn’t  lost  on  him  and  he  thought  it  was  a  very  tongue-in-cheek  way  of  hiding  in  plain  sight.  (  no  one  would  expect  a  mikaelson  to  be  that  obtuse.  )   he  put  arlo’s  body  on  ice  and  delivered  it  back  to  him  with  a  intricately  scrawled  thank  you  note  with,  of  course,  no  mention  of  the  danger  he  would  potentially  be  in  if  daniel  /  levi  /  famine  ever  decided  to  retaliate.  oops.

arlo  got  his  body  back,  moved  back  home  with  his  mother,  and  had  his  boyfriend  move  in  too.  they’ve  never  had  the  ‘what  are  we’  talk,  but  they  can  barely  spend  a  few  hours  apart  so  it  feels  kind  of  inevitable.  he’s  still  in  the  closet  with  his  mother  though  because  if  she  knew  the  truth,  they  certainly  wouldn’t  be  allowed  to  share  his  room  anymore.  this  is  a  lie  he  doesn’t  mind  keeping.  besides,  they  owe  him.

his  parents  are  trying  to  marry  him  off  to  victoria  villalobos.  her  father  made  an  arrangement  with  his  father.  as  far  as  his  mother  knows,  spades  is  a  respectable  businessman  and  it’s  a  good  family.  she  thinks  this  is  good  for  him,  that  he  could  be  happy.  (  she,  after  all,  married  for  love  and  all  it  brought  her  was  pain.  )  he  tried  to  say  no,  tried  to  stand  up  to  his  father  for  once  in  his  life,  but  he  made  it  clear  there  was  no  choice.   if  arlo  messes  this  up,  it’s  his  mother’s  blood  on  his  hands.   so  he’s  going  to  marry  victoria  because  he  has  no  other  choice.  to  protect  his  family,  he’d  do  anything.  the  worst  part  is  that  as  much  as  he  hates  his  father,  he  still  loves  him.  no  matter  what  he  does,  what  lines  he  crosses,  his  devotion  is  almost  pathological.   there  is  a  part  of  him  too  that  wonders  if  he’s  destined  to  become  his  father  even  though  he’s  done  everything  in  his  power  to  resist  it.  he  killed  a  version  of  himself  from  some  other  timeline,  not  to  mention  he  helped  bury  an  innocent  girl,  so  if  there’s  a  slippery  slope  he  feels  like  he’s  skidding  dangerously  close  to  it.

he  is  on  the  verge  of  discovering  his  darklighter  powers  so  stay  tuned  for  that.

CONNECTIONS

- people that finn mikaelson might have crossed or pissed off when he was in his body. - someone finn might have helped when he was riding arlo’s body. (taken by henrik) - he’s learning how to orb so winding up in different places might be kind of funny. bonus points if it’s at awkward or inopportune times. - someone who knows about dark lighters / what this orbing means so that he can sort of understand wtf is happening and how it’s possible.  (taken by parker) - he walks dogs so maybe he made a friend while out walking them?????

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music