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TVD 9x16 - What happens in Vegas... (part 2 of part 2) Enjoy! =)

It’s absolute madness… clearly not a chapel, nothing holy about this place.

 LEXI: Now I’m really starting to get worried. How the hell did we end up here?

KATHERINE: Looks like someone has a thing for kink.

BONNIE: Probably you!

KATHERINE: Oh, I own it. Definitely my type of scene.

BONNIE: (To herself) Why do I even bother?

ELENA: Let’s walk around, see if anyone recognizes us.

KATHERINE: First, what makes you think you are so unique to be recognized? Second, look at every one here, they’re all wearing costumes. Guessing that was the reason behind your ill-fitting outfit, Maria.

ELENA: Better than stripper shoe ho.

BONNIE: Guys, come on; we need to focus. Maybe we can talk to some bartenders, or security.

KATHERINE: It’s our best bet. Bonnie and I can check with the bartenders, you two with security; we’ll meet back here in 20. (The girls part ways on their assigned mission).

BONNIE: (Looking at the decadence, and straight out insanity) How did we ever end up here… why, god, why…

KATHERINE: I know you think this was all me, but my money is on Radka. Trust me, the intellectual types are always the craziest ones. (They approach the bar, she leans in, talks to the bartender). Hello, stud, think you can get these two ladies a bourbon?

BONNIE: What? No!

KATHERINE: (Whispering) Do you want information or not!? We need to blend in, so don’t be a crybaby and play along. It might help with the hangover.

BARTENDER: (Turns around an immediately recognizes them) Oh, no; you two are cut off. How are you still here?! I’m surprised you are even alive…

KATHERINE: Listen, sweetie, we are having some difficulty trying to remember why we were here last night, and the events that took place in this unholy scenario.

BARTENDER: (Laughs) You don’t remember?

BONNIE: Nothing at all. So, please, help us out? We are missing a friend; we really need to find her and head back home.

BARTENDER: Let me guess, you are missing one of the “newlyweds”. Who, the nun or the priest?

BONNIE: What priest?

BARTENDER: The blonde cheery one.

KATHERINE: (Cracks up) Oh, this is too good!

BONNIE: No, no, no… Caroline?!

BARTENDER: Yeah, I think that’s her name. Except she kept referring to herself as Father Forbes… Listen, I see a lot of fucked up things around here, but I have to say, your little entourage, craziest shit ever!

KATHERINE: So, those two got married?

BARTENDER: Not for real, just role-playing, that’s our thing. Weirdest “wedding” I’ve seen in here… Weirdest thing I’ve seen, period.

BONNIE: I can definitely use a drink now.

BARTENDER: Fine, there’s no way I can say no to that face (he serves them the drink).

BONNIE: Can you tell us anything else?

KATHERINE: Like our choice of costumes, for example.

BARTENDER: Well, there was the nun and the priest… You (referring to Bonnie), were dressed like Whitney Houston, in her “Queen of the Night” outfit, and totally rocked it! You (to Katherine), were dressed as The Bodyguard. Then there was Anthony and Cleopatra… Oh, and the other two,  Britney Spears and the Police Officer; can’t forget those two, hilarious!

BONNIE: I’m beginning to see a pattern…

KATHERINE: Aw, Bon Bon, we were an item! Talk about a dream team!

BONNIE: Wait… Britney Spears and a cop?

BARTENDER: Yeah, they were pretty wild. I have to hand it to her, she totally pulled it off, could have fooled me.

BONNIE: Please tell me the nun and the priest were the only ones that got “married”.

BARTENDER: (Smirks) They were. You two were gonna give it a go, but you ran out of cash, and we don’t accept cards, so…

BONNIE: Thank god!

KATHERINE: If only you were that lucky! But I have to say, I would have paid some serious money just to see Damon’s face react to the news.

BONNIE: Just focus! Anything else you can tell us?

BARTENDER: Well… Cleopatra kept going on and on about a bet… and something about a clown. You (referring to Katherine) and the nun kept ranting about some Doppelgänger’s curse… The priest kept talking to Britney Spears and the cop about this guy, Stefan, I think it was? Anthony, maybe the craziest one out of you all, kept howling as she “dug up” the ground looking for bones… And, this goddess right here (referring to Bonnie); ruled the stage like the queen she is.

BONNIE: Oh… no I didn’t…

BARTENDER: You sure did; and it was spectacular! Best thing that has ever happened to me…

KATHERINE: Looks like someone is crushing.

BARTENDER: I’m totally lovestruck; and if you ever change your mind about that Damon guy, you know where to find me (winks).

BONNIE: Okay, uhm… thank you, I guess.  

KATHERINE: Do you know around what time we were here? How long we stayed?

BARTENDER: Sorry, can’t help you there. Time doesn’t exist in this place.

BONNIE: Well, thanks for the info.

BARTENDER: Till we meet again, my queen (they walk away).

Cut to – another part of the bar. Elena and Lexi spot what they are almost certain is a security guard and approach him. The second he recognizes them he calls for back up, they find Katherine and Bonnie, and take them all out through the back door.

SECURITY GUARD: No, no… you are all banned from here, for at least a year. Don’t try coming back before that (they leave).

KATHERINE: Well, that’s that… Who wants to bet the reason we got banned from this place, was the nun and the priest.

ELENA: What priest?

KATHERINE: The one you married (can’t help but laugh).

ELENA: (Looks at Bonnie) Wait, you found the guy I married!? Who is he!? Where is he!?

BONNIE: Uhm… more like a she… and we have no idea, that’s who we’re trying to find…

ELENA: (Looking confused) What?...

LEXI: And I thought I had seen it all… (Cracks up) Holy fuck, you married the bride!!

ELENA: What!! No!! Shut up!!

BONNIE: Oh, you did… 

... but don’t worry, it was only pretend.

ELENA: No, no, no, no… how could that be??

BONNIE: Did you see that place?! Wouldn’t be the wildest thing going on in there… Oh, and I think we kidnapped the “cop” from here. The bartender told us we were with two other people, one dressed like a cop, the other, like Britney Spears.

LEXI: Why in god’s name would we hang out with someone who’s choice for a costume was Britney Spears?!

ELENA: Why in god’s name would I pretend-marry Caroline!!! We really need to find her, and get out of here, like now! 

(One of the security guards that had just kicked them out, sneaks back to talk to them, sensing they could use some help).

SECURITY GUARD: Ladies, remember, the answer always lies within a woman’s purse… (leaves).

KATHERINE: Talk about a nut house. What the hell was up with that?

BONNIE: (It hits her) Everyone, check your purses and phones…

KATHERINE: Duh! (They search for clues).  

LEXI: I found something… (takes out a clown nose). Doesn’t give us much insight, but I think it’s safe to say that there was definitely a clown involved…

KATHERINE: And a Doctor? (Takes out a stethoscope).

ELENA: (Browsing her phone) Great… the she-devil was right; I did invite her…

KATHERINE: (Smirks) Told you so…

BONNIE: Well, for some reason, I have Caroline’s phone… (she goes through the phone, finds some “useful” messages, if they can manage to decipher them). She sent Stefan a WhatsApp at 10:30pm…

CAROLINE: OMG!! You will not believe where I am right now!!!

STEFAN: What are you ladies up to??

CAROLINE: I’ll give you a hint… Hit me baby one more time…

STEFAN: Hell, no!! Really??!!

CAROLINE: Yessss! The girls surprised me!!! They’re the best!!!!

STEFAN: Didn’t know she was performing in Vegas…

CAROLINE: She has a residency; think she’s living here now.

STEFAN: Interesting… How’s the show?

CAROLINE: It’s soooo amazing!! Have to go now, love you! I’ll write you in a bit XOXO

STEFAN: Love you too! Have fun, but not too much fun!

CAROLINE: Ditto!

 Then she wrote him at 11:30…

 CAROLINE: OMG!OMG!OMG! Bonnie just hooked us up with backstage passes!! I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet her!!

STEFAN: (laughing emoji) Send her my regards… wait… no, don’t!

CAROLINE: WTF?!!! You’ve met her?? How come you never told me!!!! You know I’m a huge fan!!!

STEFAN: Long time ago, long story…. Whatever you do don’t mention Bon Jovi

CAROLINE: You have to tell me the story!! Ooh, but not now, were about to go inside!! Love you!

STEFAN: Just remember, not everything is what it seems!!

 Then she wrote him at 1am…

 CAROLINE: Stefan Salvatore, how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have some explaining to do!!! And, just so you know, I’m with Brit!!!!!!!!!! You’re in trouble young man!! OMG! Gotta go, Britney is taking us to church!! This isn’t over Mr.!!!

And he wrote back at 2:40am…

STEFAN: Caroline Elizabeth Forbes, don’t trust her!! I’ll give her hers!!!!!!! Screw Kai’s wedding, going get revenge, got Matt’s unicorn… shit battery low, stall!!! Love yooo

 That’s it… last message. No photos, which is probably for the best…

KATHERINE: Well, guess that sort of answers the Kai question.

ELENA: (To Bonnie) I still can’t believe you let him out… I know he seems to have changed, but I just can’t get past what he did to us.

KATHERINE: Oh, please! Don’t be a hypocrite. You can get over Damon killing your brother, but you can’t get over Kai putting you in a nap? Talk about double standards!

ELENA: Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about standards, or killing my brother!

LEXI: (Sarcastic) And here we go again… (To herself) Should have definitely gone with the boys… way too much drama here.

BONNIE: Guys, please, let’s drop this. We really need to get our shit together and find Caroline.

ELENA: Fine, fine… Sorry, Bon, you’re right. But we still have no idea where she could be. We got nothing!

LEXI: Okay, hear me out, and this may sound crazy, but it’s all I got… Judging from the messages, we did meet Britney Spears backstage, right? So, what if the look alike, was not a look alike… what if we came here with her?

ELENA: That’s absurd!

KATHERINE: This coming from the nun who married a priest and woke up holding a dildo…

ELENA: Wait, how do you know I was holding a… You know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.

KATHERINE: Trust me, you don’t (winks).

LEXI: It’s not impossible… Think about it, what better way to avoid being recognized than hiding in plain sight.

BONNIE: That’s true… Maybe we did come here with the real Britney … and at some point, we decided to kidnap her cop pal…

KATHERINE: If we want any answers, I think we all know what we need to do… Who’s up for some good old fashion stalking?

ELENA: Oh, god, really?

KATHERINE: Got a better idea?

ELENA: (Rolls her eyes) No…

BONNIE: I’ll get us an uber. (Suddenly, a van pulls into the alley, a group of guys get out. They shoot Katherine and Lexi with vervain, Bonnie and Elena with sedatives; they put them in the van and drive away).  

Cut to - The middle of the desert. 

The girls, still inside the van, begin to wake up slowly, one by one. First one to regain consciousness, Katherine (why am I not surprised).

KATHERINE: What the…

KEVIN: Where is AJ?

KATHERINE: Who the hell are you, and who the hell is AJ?!

NICK: You don’t recognize us? I mean, I know we’ve aged, but, really?

BRIAN: Look closer…

KATHERINE: (Staring at their faces…) No idea.

HOWIE: Let’s see if this refreshes your memory… Ready, boys? 

(They start singing “I want it that way”, a Capella).

KATHERINE: Nop; I got nothing…

NICK: Oh, c'mon! Really??

KEVIN: Never mind, just tell us where AJ is…

KATHERINE: I told you I don’t know any AJ!! What I do know, is that you have made the worst mistake of your life!

 (She tries to fang it up, but is too weak).

HOWIE: (Smirks) Vervain… ain’t that a bitch!

ELENA: (Wakes up, still a bit dazed) You got that right… (as soon as she realizes who they are with, she reacts). OMG!!! Are you kidding me?!! Is this for real?!

BRIAN: Oh, it’s very real…

ELENA: (Fangirling hard) OMG! OMG! I love you guys!!!!

NICK: Ah, there we go! I knew we still had it!

ELENA: What are you guys doing here? (Teasing) Have you come to save us from our captors?

KATHERINE: Wake up and smell the felony, sweetie, they are our captors!

ELENA: What? No way!… (Looks at them) That’s not true, right? (They nod; she looks distraught) But… but…why? 

(Bonnie and Lexi start to wake up.)

BONNIE: (Holding her head, looking quite confused) Where are we?

LEXI: (Also looking out of it) Oh, god… not again…

BRIAN: Okay, now that you are all awake, we’ll ask again, where is AJ?

BONNIE: Oh, shit… am I hallucinating? I must be hallucinating… I could swear I’m looking at the Backstreet Boys…

HOWIE: You are, and we are pissed! So, once again, where the hell is AJ!

LEXI: Calm down, boys, I’m sure we can all figure this out…  

KEVIN: Ladies, you seem like nice people, (turns to Katherine) except for you. Just tell us where our friend is, and we’ll be good.

ELENA: (Connecting the dots)… Uhm, question, did he happen to wear a cop uniform last night?

NICK: Probably. He always gets in cosplay when he goes to that freak bar with Brit. Last we heard he was heading there with her and a couple of crazy girls… I’m assuming those are you…

BRIAN: Care to fill us in on what happened to him?

BONNIE: We are trying to figure that out ourselves… we don’t remember much about last night, but I think he might be at our hotel…

ELENA: Listen, guys, we’re so sorry. We were really out of it last night, didn’t know what we were doing. We woke up this morning and found someone sleeping in the master bedroom…  he was dressed like a cop, had a face cover and was all tied up… We panicked and fled.

KEVIN: Where are you guys staying?

ELENA: At The Mirage.

BRIAN: Room number?

KATHERINE: Villa 3, we travel in style.

ELENA: We can take you there.

KEVIN: We’ll definitely be going there. You, on the other hand, won’t be going anywhere, unless you can find your way out of this place… Good luck with that. Don’t worry, we’ll leave you the van. We’re mad but we’re not cruel (a car pulls up).

BRITNEY: (Rolls down her window and smirks) Mission accomplished; let’s go, boys! (They hop into the car and drive away. 

The girls get out of the van to get a better idea of where they are).

BONNIE: What the hell just happened?!

LEXI: Well, one mystery is solved. Now we need to find a way to get our asses out of here.

KATHERINE: Who wants to bet fangirl here (referring to Elena), was the one that kidnapped their cop friend.

ELENA: God! Do you have a mute button or something!

BONNIE: (Caroline’s phone rings) Shit! It’s Damon! What should I do?!

LEXI: Given our current situation, I really think you should answer… (Bonnie takes the call).

DAMON: Care, it’s Damon… Listen ...The bachelor party got a little crazy and, well...we lost Stefan.

BONNIE: Uhm…think we might have a problem of our own…

DAMON: Bon?

BONNIE: It’s me, I think… Anyway; the bachelorette got a little crazy too, and, well… we lost Caroline.

DAMON: (Can’t help but laugh) Where are you?

BONNIE: (Embarrassed) In the middle of the desert…

DAMON: So are we! Maybe we can find each other…

BONNIE: Damon, this desert is huge, there’s no way we are going to find each other.

DAMON: Bon Bon, are you forgetting we have a psychic link? We can find each other.

BONNIE: Well, I can feel you… but my powers are all screwed up…

DAMON: (Getting some of his senses back; he takes a closer look and realizes that what he thought was a mirage, might be something else…) Bon, I don’t think you need your powers; just turn around…

BONNIE: What?

DAMON: Just turn around… (she turns around; at a distance she sees some shadows).

BONNIE: Okay, I turned around…. all I see is desert, and some weird shadows.

DAMON: That’s because you have horrible vision. Keep walking… (teasing, with a ghost like voice) walk towards the shadows, Bon Bon. What do you see? (She walks, until she finally has a better vision of what is on the other side…).

BONNIE: I might still be drunk… but I swear, I think I see you?

DAMON: (Smiles) And you would be right. Told you we would find each other, we always do. (They laugh and reunite with that iconic Bamon hug).

LEXI: (Who has also turned around and spotted the boys) Well, will you look at that, what are the odds! Come on, ladies, looks like we aren’t the only ones lost (they walk towards the boys).

KATHERINE: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie hug, turns to Elena, who is also watching) Ouch! 

Stings, doesn’t it?

ELENA: (Tired of this endless feud of theirs) What do you want from me?

KATHERINE: I want you to admit it.

ELENA: Admit what?

KATHERINE: That you are jealous. You know, deep down inside, we are not that different.

ELENA: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie) I guess we aren’t… 

(she walks away; Katherine smirks).

DAMON: (To the side) Listen, Bon, before word gets out, I need to tell you myself… (Shameful) I stripped danced to Britney Spears…

BONNIE: (Laughs) 

Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses him). 

Listen, I have a confession of my own…

DAMON: (Knowing what she’s about to say) Oh no… you didn’t?!

BONNIE: (Shameful) I did…

DAMON: “Queen of the Night”...?

BONNIE: The works…  Except, this time it wasn’t in front of a mirror…

DAMON: Oh, god…where?

BONNIE: Center stage, at this weird ass club.

DAMON: (Laughs, and teases) Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses her; they laugh in complicity).

BONNIE: Okay… I’m not even gonna ask why you guys have a cop car, or why you are in your underwear. We need to move fast if we want to find the bride and groom in time to catch the last plane out.

DAMON: I feel like a no questions policy is the best way to go for now.

BONNIE: I agree. Unless you want to know why Caroline and Elena got married, dressed like a nun and a priest…

DAMON: (Laughs) Oh, I don’t want to know, I need to know!

BONNIE: (Smirks) No questions policy… (gives him a peck on the lips). Come on, let’s get out of here.

Cut to – The girl’s villa. After a few failed attempts the gang finally manages to find their way out of the desert and back to the villa.  

 DAMON: (Looking at the wreckage) 

Jesus, Bon! And I thought our hotel bill was gonna be bad.

BONNIE: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

ALARIC: Okay, so what’s the plan? We got two hours to make the flight, and we are still clueless as to where they are.

KAI: Let’s think… Britney said Stefan was where he belonged; where could that be?

IKER: Yeah, I don’t think we can make any sense out of what she said. That girl got some issues!

ELENA: Tell me about it! She’s definitely overrated. 

(Radka, who had stayed behind, given her condition, comes out of one of the bedrooms; as soon as she sees Ric, she runs to hug him).

RADKA: God, am I glad to see you!

ALARIC: Me too (they kiss).

RADKA: Remind me never to trust champagne again!

ALARIC: I know, champagne bad…

DAMON: Okay, enough with the reunions, can we focus here people! Clock is ticking!

BONNIE: Yes, but first we need to check if our hostage situation has been taken care of.

DAMON: Hostage situation? Bon Bon, what did you do?

BONNIE: Better to leave that unanswered. Elena, come with me?

ELENA: (Sarcastic) For better or worse… (They go into the master bedroom; the place is exactly how they left it. Someone, AJ apparently, still sleeping on the bed, covered from head to toe).

BONNIE: That’s strange… you would have thought they had come to get him already…

ELENA: Yeah, something seems off…

BONNIE: Let’s take a peek… (they approach the bed and check under the covers…) Holy shit! 

(She takes Elena’s hand and immediately teleports out of the room).

ELENA: (Dizzy) Bonnie!

BONNIE: Sorry, I was not expecting to see that!!

ELENA: Yeah, neither was I… (she and Bonnie laugh in complicity).

DAMON: What happened?

BONNIE: Uhm, well... we found Stefan…

DAMON: That’s great! One down, one to go. So… (looks around) where is he?

BONNIE: In the master bedroom… But I would really advise you prepare yourself for what you are about to see…

DAMON: Oh, come on, can’t be that bad…

BONNIE: Trust me, it can.

 Damon goes into the master bedroom, approaches the bed cautiously, takes the cover off… It’s Stefan alright, but just as Bonnie had warned him, he was definitely not expecting to see him like that. There he was, his beloved brother, wearing a schoolgirl outfit; blonde wig, piggy tails with pink scrunchies; lovely makeup; impeccable manicured hands, one holding a dildo, the other, a disposable camera.

DAMON: (To himself, sarcastically) Well, this picture is going to haunt me forever… 

(Stefan begins to wake up slowly). Hello, brother (smirks).

STEFAN: Damon…(looking very dazed and confused) Where am I?

DAMON: (Mocking)  Here’s a better question… Who are you?

STEFAN: What?

DAMON: Oh, brother (points to the mirror above the bed), look...

STEFAN: (Looks at the mirror… she got him)  It’s Britney… bitch! (He then realizes what he is holding in his hand, and immediately throws it as far away as he can).

DAMON: How many times did I tell you not to mess with the Brit! Anyway, no time for hangover regrets; we are in a bit of a predicament…

STEFAN: No shit, Damon! Look at me!

DAMON: I’d rather not, but that’s not what I’m talking about… Your bride is MIA.

STEFAN: What! I knew this was a terrible idea!

DAMON: Calm down, bro. I’m sure we’ll find her, sooner or later. Hopefully in a less compromising position. (Suddenly, he hears moans coming from the bathroom…) Ha, you gotta be kidding me! (He goes inside. Just as he suspected, there, lying in the bathtub, was the missing piece… The bride, dressed like a priest, empty bottle of vodka in one hand, a disposable camera in the other. He smirks; can’t resist to greet her with sarcastic commentary). Forgive me father, for I have sinned…

CAROLINE: (Very confused) Damon?... What are you doing here? 

(Looks around) … Where is here… (Grabs her head) God, my head is killing me… (looks at her attire) What the… What the hell happened last night?!!

DAMON: Wouldn’t we all like to know, but judging from what we’ve seen so far, it’s probably best that we don’t. Come on (helps her up), we need to move fast if you want to make it to the church on time.

CAROLINE: Oh, you better get me to the church on time! Let’s go! Wait… (goes back to the tub and takes the camera).

DAMON: (As they are about to walk out of the bathroom) Just a heads up, Barbie; brace yourself for what you are about to see (smirks)…

 The gang, avoiding any further questioning, focus on reassembling, packing it up, and fleeing as fast as possible. Close call, but they manage to catch their flight, and finally, head back home. A promise was made, no one was to talk about what happened, if they ever remembered. What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas… but, did it?

 TVD 9X17 - I will love you forever. Coming next! Hope you stop by, read, and enjoy! =)

[sambergscott]

that’s what brothers are for

read on ao3

Jake hears his seven new brothers before he sees them.

(He’d met them all pretty soon after he started dating Amy, a week or two after Amy had first told her family she was seeing him. Her brothers had apparently been desperate to meet “the famous Jake Peralta” and Amy couldn’t hold them off for long. He was super nervous because he’d assumed they were going to play the intimidating big brother act and they did try, but they realised quickly that Jake was awesome and perfect for their sister and the eight of them became friends immediately. Ever since, they’d all met up once a week to drink beer and eat pizza and play video games and tease Jake about his relationship with Amy. Obviously their budding bromance had been put on pause when Jake was in Florida, and again when Jake was falsely imprisoned, but when he was released and admitted his plans to propose to their sister on Halloween, his relationship with all seven Santiago brothers grew stronger than ever.

After his cancelled wedding, and then the makeshift Precinct wedding which their families all missed, the Santiagos decided to arrange a celebration at Shaw’s bar with their sister’s new husband.

Jake had asked if Amy could come - because he kind of hated being separated from her - but her brothers had insisted that no girls were allowed.

“Sorry, Ames,” he’d said, showing her the messages in the WhatsApp group chat. “I can’t get them to change their minds.”

He kissed away her disappointed pout and promised he’d make it up to her when he got back from the bar.

“I’m holding you to that,” she’d replied, biting her lip. “I’ll be waiting in that lingerie I ordered last night.”

Jake almost cancelled on her brothers then and there but she’d shooed him out the apartment, giggling as he kept asking for “just one last kiss” before he left.

After nine goodbye kisses, he finally relented and left for his favourite bar in Brooklyn.

As he was the first to arrive, he ordered himself a beer and texted Amy several times about how much he missed her already and how much her brothers sucked for not letting her join them. Before he could send the next text ( “babe, you’re the best wife I’ve ever had” ), he heard a loud group of men approaching the bar and slid his phone back into his pocket. The Santiagos had arrived.)

“Jake!” Tony exclaims, the first to stride over to the bar and hug Jake tightly. “Congrats, man.”

“You finally made an honest woman out of our Amy, huh?” Luis teases, next to hug their favourite detective.

Tomas, Mateo and Carlos follow, with Bruno and Alex the last to mob the newest addition to the Santiago clan.

Jake grins broadly as Mateo orders a round of beers and they find a table big enough for all of them, thrilled to be a part of the close bond between the brothers.

“To Jake!” They all toast, ignoring Jake’s reminders that their sister just got married, too.

“Forget her, Peralta. You’re our favourite person in the NYPD.”

“I’m telling her that,” Jake quips, laughing as Tomas’ eyes bulge. They all know Amy can be super scary when she wants to be. “Oh, and it’s, Santiago- Peralta, thank you very much. We’re both taking each other’s names.”

“You’re officially one of us then, man,” Alex replies, toasting to Jake again. He downs his beer and gestures to Hank behind the bar to bring them all another round. “How was the Honeymoon?”

“Incredible.” A dreamy expression passes over Jake’s face and everyone rolls their eyes.

“Here we go. He’s got that dopey look he gets whenever he talks about Ames. Why would you encourage him, Al?”

Alex shrugs as Jake protests loudly that he does not get a dopey look on his face.

“You definitely do. Amy’s so beautiful. I love Amy so much. I’m so lucky to be with Amy,” Carlos says in a spot-on impression of Jake, his brothers howling with laughter.

“I do not sound like that,” Jake insists.

“I do not sound like that,” Carlos mimics and even Jake laughs this time.

“But seriously, Paris was awesome. I think Amy looks even more beautiful in France than she does in America.”

“Oh to be a newlywed again,” Bruno, the eldest, says, patting Jake on the back. “I bet you can’t keep your hands off each other, right?”

Jake colours, thinking about Amy joining him in the shower before he left the apartment and the new lingerie Amy promised to wear when he returned.

“Ew! Gross! That’s our sister, Jake!”

“Bruno asked!”

“Make the most of it now, man. You won’t get two minutes of peace when you have kids. Mason almost walked in on us last week and we had to stop. I still haven’t forgiven him.”

“Kids?” Jake balks. “I got married three weeks ago and we’re having kids already?”

“Amy must have talked to you about kids,” Luis says, amused. “She only wants about a hundred.”

“Luis is kidding,” Tony quickly interjects at Jake’s terrified expression. “She wants two or three. But she does want them before she becomes captain, so you better hurry up and give us more nieces and nephews.”

“How do you know all this and I don’t? Kids aren’t on her life calendar…”

“Maybe she didn’t want to scare you off.”

“She’s been talking our ears off about being a mom since she was, like, seven. She used to pretend Tom was her baby and put diapers on him and everything.”

The tips of Tomas’ ears turn red. “Will you ever shut up about that?”

“You were an eleven year old boy wearing Winnie the Pooh diapers over your pants and it was fucking hilarious, so, no - unlikely.”

Jake chuckles, storing that information in the back of his mind in order to ask Camila if she has any pictures of it the next time he visits Amy’s childhood home. Knowing Camila, who has documented every moment of her children’s lives and organised everything from baby photographs and tiny baby shoes to high school report cards and medals from soccer competitions into binders and boxes for each one of her eight children, she definitely will.

“You do want kids though, don’t you?” Alex asks, suddenly serious.

Jake takes a large gulp of his beer. “Uh, I mean… yeah, of course. Yeah, I want kids. Just not right away,” he adds quickly. “I want to enjoy spending time just the two of us first.”

“Gross,” Mateo repeats.

“Grow up, man. We’re happy.”

“Mateo’s just jealous that he’s the only one here who’s still single.”

“ Hey!” Mateo cries. “I’ll have you know that I’ve been seeing this one lady for the past few weeks and she really likes me.”

“And do you like her back?”

“The Jury’s still out.”

“Mom’s going to start setting you up with her friends’ daughters soon,” Tony warns.

“She already has,” Mateo murmurs under his breath, embarrassed.

“It’s OK, man. Your mom was trying to set Amy up with random dudes even after Amy told her she was dating me.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Apparently Amy would have been better suited to somebody with a better credit score who was obsessed with organisation and crosswords,” Jake says, shaking his head. “Camila even told her we wouldn’t last and that Ames should ‘keep her options open’. I don’t think she ever imagined Amy marrying me.”

“Well, we’re all really glad she did.”

“Mom and dad, too.”

“Yeah, we’re so happy for you, man.”

“Thanks,” Jake grins. “I still can’t believe I actually have a wife. Is that weird?”

“Nah, it takes a while to feel real,” Bruno replies, spotting a familiar face entering Shaw’s bar from over Jake’s shoulder. “Speaking of your wife…” He nods his head in Amy’s direction and, as Jake turns around and sees her, Jake’s grin grows impossibly wide.

All seven Santiago brothers boo and jeer as he gets up and kisses her, eventually guiding her to the table when Carlos yells for them to “get your asses over here”.

“We were pretty clear when we said you weren’t invited,” Alex says as Amy sits down on Jake’s lap, one arm curled around his shoulders, her fingers idly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as her brothers tease her relentlessly.

“Yeah, sis, we thought you were the smart one in the family.”

“I missed Jake too much to stay away and I am the smart one in the family. Ask dad.”

“Yeah, yeah, we all know you’re dad’s favourite.”

“Daddy’s little girl,” Mateo cajoles from next to Jake and Amy, earning himself a playful slap from his younger sister.

“Well, Jake is our favourite out of the two of you.”

“ What?”

“Sorry, babe,” Jake says with false sincerity, high-fiving Tony behind her back.

“I heard that, Jacob. And I can’t believe all of you prefer him to me, your own sister.”

Luis shrugs. “He’s more fun than you.”

“And he likes the Nets,” Tomas chimes in.

“And Diehard.”

(Jake high-fives Tony again for that one).

“Unbelievable,” she says, glaring at all of them. “I’m going to get a beer and I’m not getting one for any of you. Not even you, Jake.”

She climbs off his lap and storms over to the bar, Jake staring helplessly after her.

“If I miss out on sexy-timez tonight because of this I am never hanging out with any of you again.”

(Jake decides to call it a night after Amy downs her fourth drink, knowing sober-Amy would not want to be around her brothers in her super horny four-drink state. Amy crashes her lips against Jake’s the moment they’re through their apartment door, because of course she does, and he unbuttons her floral shirt and tugs down her jeans to reveal a half-naked Amy, wearing only a black thong that reads “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good”. Jake has to stop what they’re doing to laugh solidly for five minutes because that’s what his wife meant by the sexy new underwear she’d ordered and that’s freaking hilarious, Ames).

(The Harry Potter underwear quickly becomes Jake’s favourite to pull off his wife).

(His decisions clouded by God knows how many beers, Jake puts a message in the “Magnificent Seven + Jake” group chat, bragging about Amy’s awesome new lingerie and how many different places in their apartment he’d boinked his wife. They all complain because gross, that’s our sister, Peralta!!!!! and threaten to remove Jake from the band of brothers).

(Nevertheless, he ends up playing basketball with them the next weekend because they do love him. But none of them ever watch Harry Potter again).

[hrhduchessoflancaster]

Chapter Sixty-Two: I’m Forever Yours, Faithfully - Part Three

A/N: Thank you to all of you, my unbelievable and incredibly amazing readers!!! I hope you enjoy the last part of Elle & Harry’s wedding day! Warning: very long chapter! xx Bea ___________________________________________________________

After going inside, Harry and Elle greeted their immediate family properly. For Elle it felt very weird to receive curtsies from some of Harry’s relatives, specially the oldest ones like Princess Michael of Kent. It was still all very new to her. Smiling, husband and wife walked towards the most senior people in the room: Her Majesty and the Duke of Edinburgh. Curtsying before them, Elle smiled as she greeted the older couple with a kiss on the cheek.

“ Many congratulations, dear Eleanor. Philip and I are very, very happy for you and Harry.”, said Elizabeth, giving her a hand-squeeze. “ The ceremony was splendid, wasn’t it, dear?”, the Queen asked her husband.

“ It was… it really was. Very well done…”, he commented smiling. “ Now, where are you two going for your honeymoon?”, Philip asked.

“ I have no idea. Harry won’t tell me.”, confessed Elle sighing. Harry smirked and kissed her temple, putting his hand around her waist.

“ Well, my lovely wife, rest assured you’ll love it!”, replied Harry smirking. They talked to the elderly couple for a while longer before greeting the other guests. Elle’s aunt, uncle and cousins were in a corner, taking to her parents. Upon seeing the newlyweds coming closer, her aunt grinned.

“ Oh my darling! I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!”, said her aunt, hugging her. “ And you, Harry! So dashing on this uniform!”, she continued, giving a smiling Harry a kiss on the cheek.

“ My dearest niece and goddaughter…”, began her uncle, taking her hands into his. “ I wish you both all the happiness in the world. May you have everlasting love and companionship throughout your lives.”, he said to her, kissing her cheek in a loving manner. Her cousin Michael gave her a kiss and a hug and Alice, who had been one of the bridesmaids, hugged Elle tightly by the waist.

Following the greeting of family members, the couple was led to the Palace’s historic picture gallery, accompanied by Charles’s official musician, Claire Jones, playing the harp. There, six hundred people, who were invited to take part on the lunch-time reception hosted by the Queen at Buckingham Palace, were waiting for them.

This part of their wedding reception was the more formal of the two events. Royal Families, diplomats, politicians, representatives of their charities and their closest friends were the ones invited to it, and of course, Elle and Harry’s extended family members, some who, most likely, wouldn’t attend the party later on. First, they greeted the foreign royals, thanking them for their attendance. Curtsying to King Felipe and Queen Letizia and their daughters, Elle smiled as she spoke amicably to them.

“ We’re very happy Harry has found such a wonderful companion to spend his life with.”, said Felipe. They talked for a little while, Elle enjoying her conversation with the Spanish royal couple. King Frederick and Queen Mary were next. Elle had met the couple previously when she visited Denmark a few years ago on a research programme. They were very cheerful and amiable, as she had predicted. And the line went on and on, until they reached Prince Seeiso, Princess Mabereng and their children.

“ Married at last, hum?”, said Seeiso grinning. “ I’m so happy for you, my dear friend!”, he continued, hugging Harry.

“ And you, dear Eleanor… so beautiful… Harry is indeed a very, very lucky man to have you as his wife.”, he told Elle, hugging her and placing a kiss on her cheek. Mabereng and the children smiled and hugged her as well, expressing their congratulations and wishes of happiness to them. Valerie and her parents, the Earl and Countess of Leicester were up next. Hugging her tightly, Valerie squeal in happiness.

“ I know I’ve said it before, but you look incredible, a real princess!”, said Valerie grinning. “ Congratulations to you both! May you have many, many happy years ahead of you!”, she continued, kissing Harry's cheek. Luke and Denise, who were also her godparents, were ecstatic about the wedding. Mary and Richard came next, along with their parents: Lady Julie Kingston (née Howard) - her father’s cousin and her other godmother - and her husband, Benjamin.

“ I’m so very happy for you both!”, exclaimed Mary. She and Elle talked for a while, mainly about little Rose. Richard, visibly more emotional, grinned and hugged the newlyweds tightly. “ Now, you take care of each other, alright?”, said Rick to them both. Melissa, her husband François, and their children - Blair and Jeremy - greeted them next.

“ Dearest Eleanor… I wish you and your husband all the happiness in the world!”, said Melissa, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. François gave her a kiss on each cheek and the children gave her sloppy kisses and a tight hug. Trevor, who was standing next to them, was a bit in awe due to everything that was surrounding him.

“ My goodness, Elle, I mean, Your Royal Highness…”, said Trevor, bowing awkwardly, which made Elle chuckle. “This is unbelievable!”, he continued.

“ I know… I can’t even believe it myself…”, replied Elle. “ Ans stop with this Your Royal Highness nonsense. I'm still Elle to you.”, she continued and they smiled to each other.

“ I’m very happy for you, you know? Very, very happy. The ceremony was beautiful… and when you walked in… I swear I had tears running down my cheeks.”, said Trevor, taking her hands into his. “ I don’t know what we’ll do without you at the Tower… what I will do without there.”, he continued, eyes misting up.

“ Dearest Trev, you're more than capable to continue on without me. But remember, in any case, I’m just a phone call, email or WhatsApp message away.”, Elle replied and he chuckled. Hugging each other, Trevor sighed and grinned. “ I’m truly, very happy for you. I wish you and Harry a lifetime of happiness and love.”, said Trevor smiling.

After greeting their six-hundred guests, Elle and Harry were led the procession to the Throne Room, where canapés, such as Cornish crab salad and quail eggs, accompanied by a selection of wines, scotch, Pol Roger NV brut reserve champagne and soft drinks, waited for them. A long table was set for the couple and their closest family members and round tables where scattered along the vast room, accommodating the guests. The couple sat in the middle, with their family members around them. Calling everyone’s attention, the Queen opened the afternoon with a brief speech, congratulating the newlyweds and thanking the staff and guests for their presence. Prince Charles then raised from his seat, champagne flute in hand.

“ Your Majesties, Your Imperial Highnesses, Your Royal Highnesses, Excellencies, Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like, firstly, to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate and share this marvelous and joyful day with us.”, he began.

“ Now, to my son and new daughter: Harry and Eleanor, we, your families, wish you all the happiness together in the life you share ahead of you. The promise you’ve given to each other is an everlasting one, that we, as your family, you’ll help you to fulfill it. You’ve laid the foundation  of your relationship almost twenty years ago when you first met and became friends. A friendship that has long since endured time and distance. Thought strained at first, once you reconnected, we saw that it seemed as if you had never truly been apart from one another. The companionship, support, care and love you have, not only for each other, but for all those around you, are, to name a few, of the many things, that make you, an incredibly well-suited couple.”, said Charles, facing them both.

“ Harry, my wonderful, clever, slightly mischievous, passionate, boy… you've had your ups and downs in life but you’ve thrived and succeeded to overcome every single obstacle, proving to us and the world that you are capable of so much more than that has been entitled to you, than what people expect from you. You have that kind of drive, that moves people forward. Though you share the receding hairline of the man in this family with your dear papa…”, that made people laugh. “… I see in you, a great deal of your mother, that spark and glow she had, that drew people in, and I rejoice in knowing that her legacy keeps on living in you and your brother. I’m very proud to see the man you’ve become, my son, to see you here today, happily married to the woman I know you love and cherish. ”, said Charles to Harry, whose eyes began to mist.

“ Dearest Eleanor, my new daughter, on behalf of all of us, we give you our most heartfelt welcome to our family. You, who some of us have known for such a long time, now join us as one of our own. Incredibly intelligent and resourceful, passionate and caring, loving and kind. These are just a few of your many attributes that we’ve come to see, know and treasure. The life ahead of you will be tricky and bumpy, as many of us who are in the public eye know, but rest assured you’ll always have our support. This man beside you is, my dear son, is very, very lucky indeed to have you beside him, as we all are. I love you both and I wish you all the very best.”, said Charles, Elle smiled, holding Harry’s right hand and quickly drying a tear that fell from her eyes, with her right hand.

“ Finally, I would like to propose a toast to the new Duke and Duchess of Sussex! Three cheers for them!”, he finished, raising his glass, followed by the cheers and applauses from the guests. It was then, Rupert’s turn to give a toast to the bride and bridegroom. Taking a deep breath, he raised from his seat, champagne flute in hand. “ Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses, distinguished guests, family and dear friends, as I know my daughter would like, I’ve included a bit of History into my speech.”, he began and the room was filled with chuckles.  “ Almost nine-hundred years ago, Eleanor, former Queen of France - an heiress in her own right, lively, strong-minded, sophisticated, beautiful woman, who’s said to have had strawberry blond hair - married the energetic, courageous, freckled, charming and equally strong-minded, Henry of Anjou, later, Henry II of England. Can you spot the similarities yet?”, he said and the room was, once again, filled with laughter.

“ Well, the comparisons stop there. Your predecessors name sakes, Henry and Eleanor, had a turbulent, difficult marriage, and that’s not what I wish for you both. Instead, I wish you a marriage of trust, of companionship, of love, of loyalty and devotion, of happiness, of respect, of endurance. For your marriage, although we may try to make it so right here, is not only a family affair. People all over the country are rejoicing and celebrating the fairytale wedding we’ve seen this morning, though your lives together have started many years before today’s events.”, said Rupert smiling.

“ My darling daughter, my dearest Eleanor, as young child, you’ve always shown a sense of leadership, of bravery, a kind way to push others forward, to help the ones who needed. When Eleanor was eight years old, she found a bunny in the garden, at out home in Wilshire. It’s paw was bleeding from a torn it had step into. Alarmed, she hushed us to the garden, her little eyes pouring tears, but her face full of conviction. I remember she vividly saying to me: ‘ Papa, papa, we’ve got to save his life! He has no body else! It’s our duty to take care of the one who need, and he needs us.’. So we carried the bunny inside and Eleanor personally watched over the little creature until she deemed he was well enough to return to the wild. And we knew then, your mother and I, as we know now, that your conviction and caring personality would make you a great woman and take you to great places. We’re very proud of you, my darling and wish you love an happiness ahead of you.”, he continued, visibly moved, while tears falling down Elle’s face.

“ Harry, my darling boy, ever since you show up at Woondenford Castle that eventful Summer of 1996, spreading mischief and chaos around the place, we knew that wasn’t the last time we’d be seeing you. We’ve had the privilege to see you grown into a fine man, a caring and loyal friend to both my son and daughter, an honourable person, who’s passionate about his causes and his job. We’re thrilled to have you in our family and we also thank you, Her Majesty and Your Royal Highnesses, for the warm welcome into yours.” he continued.

“ Harry, you’ve shown us, time and time again, that you have Eleanor’s best interests at heart and I know she has yours. You both been very fortunate to have found each other. In you, she has found her match, a kind, supportive and caring partner for life. I won’t ask you to take care of her, for I know my daughter is fully capable of doing that herself. But I will ask you yo cultivate that mutual care and love in your everyday life, and in the lives of those around you.”, concluded Rupert.

“ Without further ado, Harry and Eleanor, I wish you both incredible happiness in the life you begin together.  I conclude by once more, requesting three cheers for the newlyweds as well as a toast, the their long life and happiness! To the bride and groom!”, he exclaimed, hearing the resounding cheers and clink of glass around the room, followed by a round of applause. Harry and Elle both rose from their seats and hugged their fathers.

“ Dearest papa, you had to make me cry, hadn’t you?”, said Elle chuckling, as she hugged her father. They shared a smiled and kissed her forehead, in a lovingly fashion.

After their respective father’s speeches and toasts -  their own to each other would come later in the evening, along with the ones from William and Valerie -  the light lunch and canapés provided by the Queen was served. Happily talking to each other, Harry and Elle beamed, such was the joy they were feeling at the moment. An hour later, the two cakes - their  seven-tier devil’s food and red velvet, covered in white frosting, wedding cake, with high hundred sugar flowers and leaf, topped with their new cypher. The second cake, the same as William had requested for his wedding, a chocolate-cookie cake, one of the Queen’s favorite, that she’d have with them both on their breaks from Eaton. The guests stood from their seats as the cakes were brought in. Harry was given his sword and together, he and Elle held it by the hilt, smiling as they cut down their wedding cake, with the whoops and cheers of their family and friends.

After the lunch reception, Harry and Elle said their goodbyes and their see you laters to their guests -  for half of them they’d be seeing later on - and hopped on Prince Charles’ convertible Jaguar XJ, complete with a classic license plate: JU5T WED, balloons and ribbons, tied up to it. Still in the same attire as they were before, minus Harry’s cap and Elle’s veil, which had been taken off after the reception an carefully kept, she squeezed her train into the car, with his help.

“ Ready to go for a spin, darling wife?”, asked Harry smirking, as they entered the car.

“  Step on it, dear husband. ”, she replied grinning. Chuckling, Harry started the ignition and off they were from the entrance to the palace, waving at their family and friends. They drove through the main gates to the shouts and cheers of the crowd who still gathered at the Mall, heading to Clarence House, where they’d rest and change for the night’s event.

************

When they arrived at Clarence House, Harry killed the engine, with John, Leo and Alfred in a car behind them, and they hopped out of it. Harry, being the gentleman he was, he offered his hand to her, as the footmen waiting at the entrance, helped her with the train. As they made their way to the entrance, the couple was received by the staff and their secretaries with an applause. Smiling the shook hands with each one of them and received their many complements and well-wishes. As they walked inside the main hall, Elle sighed tiredly by happily.

“ Gosh, I can’t wait to get out of this dress…”, said Elle sighing as she walked, her long train trailing behind her. Harry chuckled behind her, carrying part of the train with his hand. “ Don’t get me wrong… I absolutely love it. It’s the most amazing and beautiful thing I’ve ever worn but it’s tiring walking around in this much fabric.”, she said laughing.

“ Well… I can help with that…”, he said, smirking. “ In fact, it will be my privilege, milady, to help you out of this damned contraption.”, he joked and Elle chuckled.

“ It’s Her Royal Highness now, thank you very much.”, she said, making herself sound very posh, and he raised an eyebrow to her; and they shared a chuckle.

“ And though I love the offer, gallant sir, you’ll have to wait until the end of today’s events to take out my second dress. This one, has to be carefully removed for transportation back to Buckingham Palace, where it will be on display during the summer, as you know. The Prime Minister and your grandmother have insisted upon it.”, replied Elle, making Harry laugh.

“ Your Royal Highness, Ms. Packham and her team are waiting in the second master bedroom for you. Also Ms. Foster and Mr. FitzWilliam are also here, ma’am.”, said Lisa and Elle thanked her.

“ See? My crew is waiting for me. I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can, my love.”, she said giving him a peck on the lips. “ And you better still be in that uniform, Major!”, Elle continued, as she ascended the stairs, a smirk playing on her lips. Harry shook his head and following in after.

With incredible care, Celia unpinned the tiara from her hair, lifting it gently and placing it on its velvet box, to be returned to her mother, who would send it to be cleaned. The earrings, she’s keep on wearing to the night’s event and later would send them back to Her Majesty. With the tiara gone, Celia’s delicate hands also pulled the elaborate updo, letting Elle’s hair fall down, past her shoulder in curls and waves. Her dress, surprisingly, took less time than she’d expected to be taken off.

Jane and her assistants carefully unbuttoned the sixty, gazar and organza looped buttons on her back, taking out the sleeves and finally lowering it down to the floor for Elle to step out if. Then the underskirt, which have more support to the dress was unhooked from her waist and she was finally free. Putting on the awaiting silk and lace robe and taking off her shoes, who would also be taken, Elle sighed in happiness and she saw the beautiful garment being put on a huge case and carried downstairs. It would be cleaned and transported back to Buckingham Palace; as soon as everything was set, the crew exited the room, with Elle’s heartfelt thanks, leaving her by herself. They’d return in two hours to prepare her for the wedding party Charles was giving them. 

Meanwhile, Elle thought best to take a relaxing, hot, bath. But first, Harry. Tiptoeing to the adjoining room next door, she gently opened the door to find her husband with his back turned to her, glancing outside the window, still in his uniform. Good., she thought smirking. She cleared her throat, calling his attention and making him turn and face her. He looked wide-eyed at her, eyes skirting her up and down. Her hair was loose, as was her robe, just the tip coming off her shoulders, as she walked slowly towards him.

“ So, husband, we have a little over an hour and a half to kill before the team comes back in. Do you have something in mind that we could do?”, she said, standing in front of him, hands running on his chest and arms. Harry’s breathing caught in his throat and he gulped. Looking at her in the eyes, he saw a glint of mischief and lust in them, a glint that matched his own. Taking her tightly by the waist and pulling her towards him, Harry smirked, joining their foreheads together.

“ Well… I have something in mind…”, he replied, with his trademark smirk. Picking her up, her placed her on the bed and began trailing kisses on her neck. “ Wait… wait just a second, Major.”, she said, a little breathless.

“ What is it?”, he asked her, quizzically. Standing from the bed, she once agains stopped in from of him and began unbuttoning his uniform, very slowly. “ I have to undress you out of this gorgeous uniform first.”, she told him.

“ Yeah?”, he asked her huskily. “ Yeah…”, she replied. “ You have no idea what a turn on it’s to see you dressed in this uniform…”, she continued as she took the first layer off, placing kissed on his chest as she opened his shirt.

“ I’ll keep that in mind…”, he replied with a slightly shaky voice, as he felt her hands on him.

************

An hour later, they were bare, sweaty, out of breath, tired but incredibly happy. Lazily laying on the bed, arms around each other, Harry and Elle had huge grins on their faces. “ I love you so much, wife.”, said Harry, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose. Elle giggled and smiled lovingly at him.

“ I love you, husband.”, replied Elle. “ It’s so good to say that… husband…”, she told him. “ And I’ll never be tired of hearing it.”, he replied, kissing her lips.

“ Seeing you for the first time this morning, that very brief moment when we looked at each other, I swear my heart skipped a beat. You were just… so beautiful… so amazingly breathtaking…”, Harry confessed, caressing her cheek with his left hand. Catching his hand into hers, she traced the golden band that now adorned his forth finger.

“ So… how are you feeling, Harry, the married man?”, asked Elle. Chuckling, he took his hand from her and looked at the foreign band on his hand. “ It’s different… I’ve never been one for rings… bracelets yes, but not rings. This one though… it feels special, precious even.”, commented Harry and she smiled, kissing him fully and passionately, before hoping out of the bed, completely naked and walked into the bathroom, staring a bath.

“ Are you leaving me here, all by myself? What kind of a wife does that?”, said Harry, complaining.

“ Well, dear husband, no one is stopping you from joining me…”, Elle replied. Harry smiled and ran to the bathroom after her, both giggling as they shut the door. Submerging themselves into the hot water and bubbly soap, they relax, feeling the muscles untangling from their bodies.

************ Feeling refreshed and cleaned, Elle and Harry had tea in his room before their teams returned to help them dress and prepare for the night. She retired to the adjoining room where Jane had left her second dress hanging, along with her accessories and new shoes. The dress, made of a much lighter and flowing material - tulle - gave her a sense of freedom, feeling weightless, like a fairy. Jane, her team, Celia and Jake had returned to help her into the dress, style her hair and do her makeup, respectively.

Celia let Elle’s hair down in loose curls, with two connected plaits on the top of her head, secured by a diamond encrusted headpiece. Her makeup for the night was considerably heavier than it was for the morning, with shades of brown and sparkly champagne tones, creating a nice smoky eye. Elle fastened the forget-me-not necklace Harry had given her for her birthday and clasped her wedding gift, Diana’s watch on her wrist. Stepping onto the dress, Jane helped tightening her dress by pulling the strings on her, almost corset-like.

“ Thank you… all of you for today. I truly felt and feel like a princess…”, she said to the team. who smiling, left the room. Completely dressed from head to toe, she softly opened on the adjoining door, hearing Harry fussing in the other room. Once again, he had his back to her, being helped by Daniel, who was tying his bow tie. She signaled Daniel with her head and he nodded, stepping aside for Elle to take his place.

“ Daniel, where are you going…?”, asked Harry.  “ I believe sir, there’s someone much more qualified than me to do that for you.”, replied Daniel smiling.

“ And who would that be?”, asked Harry, tuning his head. When he saw Elle, he grinned, mouth agape, and she stepped in front of him. “  Your wife.”, replied Elle smiling. Adjusting his tie, she stepped back to take a look at him. He was dressed in a black tux, that hug his figure.

“ My… don’t you look handsome… ravishing, I’d say…”, said Elle, smirking, biting on her lower lip.

“ Careful, wife… if you keep doing that we won’t be leaving this room, and we have a party to attend. So don’t tempt me…”, said Harry, kissing her cheek. Taking her by the hand, he smiled lovingly at her.

“ Absolutely gorgeous… I’m such a lucky man…”, said Harry, complementing her.

“ You are… and I, was thinking the same. about you. How did I get so lucky to have you as my husband?”, she asked him and he chuckled, placing a peck on her lips. “ Though I’m sure there are hundreds of fangirls wishing me dead right now….”, said Elle, kissing his lips while he laughed.

“ I’ll protect you from them…”, he said, kissing her again, this time more passionately. Hearing someone clearing their throat, they pulled apart. They had completely forgotten Daniel was still in the room.

“ We should be getting down, Your Royal Highnesses. The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall are already waiting for you downstairs.”, said Daniel.

“ Yes, of course. Thank you, Daniel.”, replied Harry, and the secretary left the room. Taking one last look at her, he smiled when he caught eye of the watch on her wrist. “ You’re wearing my gift, I see…”, he said and she nodded her head, smiling. “ Mummy loved this watch. It was one of her favourites.”, Harry continued.

“ I’m also wearing this one.”, said Elle, gently touching the necklace she wore. Harry smiled gently, tracing his fingers on the small pendant.

“ I was my first real gift to you…”, Harry said. “ It seems so long ago…”, he continued. “ And look where we are now.”, she commented, grinning. Nodding his head, Harry picked up her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it, as Elle caressed his cheek.

“ I know… but come on, my darling husband, we must go. They are waiting for us.”, said Elle and off they went.

Leaving Clarence House hand in hand, they smiled and threw a few waves to the photographers and the crowd who kept on waiting outside the house and all the way to Buckingham Palace. This time, they arrived in a Bentley and ascended the red carpeted steps to the Main Hall. There, they greeted Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip - who would stay only for dinner - followed by her parents and the senior members of the Royal Family.

They were then led to the the Palace courtyard, where the pre-dinner drinks reception with their three hundred closest and most intimate guests, who changed into black tie attires, waited for them. Harry and Elle were welcomed by bagpipers and a round of applause from their family and friends. Vintage pink champagne, Peach Bellinis and Elderflower cocktails, were served, along with canapés. A soft string quartet played in the background, providing a relaxing atmosphere.

The couple of newlyweds mingled with the small groups of people, chatting and thanking personally each and everyone one of their guests, until they were ushered back inside to the Ballroom, for dinner. Upon entrance, guests were requested to choose a colour from a selection of stamp pad, and press their thumbs into a wedding guest book of sorts, along with their names and a short message to the couple.

Once again, a grand table was set for the bride, groom and their closest family members. Round tables had been scattered around the room for their guests, who had been assigned their seats on the moment of their arrival to the Palace. Each table contained a flower arrangement of white and pink cherry blossoms as well as white roses and forget-me-nots, with small candles hanged by wire strings attached to them, as well as a theme, consisted on pictures of Harry and Elle in different times of their lives together, and a significant name. For instance, Melissa, François, Trevor, Richard and Mary were seated on the Early Teens - Woodenford Castle, which was where Elle and Harry saw each other the most during a two weeks or so during Summer when they were growing up.

The string quartet continue on playing a soft melody, while dinner was served. Lyme Bat Crab langoustines and a fresh herb salad for the first dish; organic lamb and Beef Wellington - a particular favorite of the groom -, with vegetables from Highgrove, Royal potatoes, and sauce Windsor, for the main course and finally, cookie dough ice-cream, Eton Mess - a request from both Harry and Elle -  and chocolate parfait for dessert. When coffee and fresh mint tea began to be served, along with encore of their wedding cake, William clinked his champagne flute, calling everyone’s attention. Rising from his seat, he took a breath and addressed the guests and the couple, whose hands were intertwined under the table.

“ Dear family and friends, thank you for being here tonight. I had never thought I’d see the day my little brother would get married, yet here we are!", he began, earning him a few laughs from the guests and a shake from Harry’s head.

“ Now, I’m not the comedian my brother tends to be, but I promise my speech will be good. Harry and I had always had a tight group of friends because we knew from a very young age how important it was to have someone you could rely on and trust around you. Being the youngest, there wasn't so much pressure on him to make the right kind of friends so he had more liberty to actually pick and choose the ones he deemed worthy of his time, attention and company. ”, he told them.

“ One summer, Harry had been invited by one of friends from school to spend some time in the countryside. When he came back home, he couldn’t stop talking about all the adventures he had with his new friend, and about the little girl, his friend’s sister, who had the same colour of hair he had. And so, a few months later, his new friend and his friend’s sister came around the house - that was apartment 8 at Kensington - and I got to meet them. Being a little older than them, I didn't care for most of their games, but that didn't stop a certain red-haired girl from stomping her foot on the ground, demanding that I play with them, since Harry and her brother were teaming up against her.”, said William, smiling fondly at Elle and Harry, who shared a smile.

“ If you couldn’t guess by now, Eleanor was the little girl. From that moment on, we knew we had formed a friendship the four of us, a strong bond, that thankfully, has survived time, distance, difficult and sad moments, such as it was the loss of our mother. She’d have loved to be here today with us, and I’m sure wherever she is, she is smirking, laughing even, knowing that the two ginger kids, who loved annoying each other, became the greatest of friends and now, partners for life. We, as we imagine she would also, are thrilled to have Elle officially in our family. Darling Elle, dear brother, I wish you many years of happiness ahead you, and a little niece or nephew too would be nice. To Harry and Eleanor!”, concluded William, to the sound of applauses, cheers and laughter. He gave Elle a kiss on each cheek before turning to his brother.Hugging each other, the brothers smiled and patted their backs.

“ Thank you, Will.”, said Harry, grinning. “ She’s proud you, you know that, right? We all are, little brother.”, replied William, returning to his seat beside Kate. Valerie was next, holding her wine glass in hand. “ Well, I’ll be brief. Elle and I have knowing each other since we’re babies. She’s my best friend and like a sister to me. As mum and dad were her godparents, we saw one another constantly. Well, that was until she decided to pack and go to Scotland!”, joked Valerie, making Elle and the guests laugh.

“ Just kidding. When she finally returned, after six years of coming and goings from London to St. Andrews, she and Harry began dating. I was shocked at first, I’ll admit, I have never thought those two could be together. But they proved me wrong. They proved all us wrong. No one could have foreseen this…”, she said, pointing the the newlyweds. “… but I’m extremely glad and honoured and happy to be here to witness their love, their fairy tale, come true. Harry, Elle, you’ve been through so much together and trust me, there’s more to come, but I have faith you can face anything, so long as you have each other. I’m proud to be your friend, to stand here today as part of your life. I wish you both the most enormous amount of happiness and love the universe has to offer, but also a little bit of mischief, because what's life without a little bit of naughtiness? I love you both! To bride and groom!”, Valerie concluded, hearing the laud cheers and applauses.

Finally, it was time for Harry’s speech. He let go of her hand and stood from his seat, all eyes on him, a small piece of paper folded in his hand. “ My dear family and friends, once again thank you for sharing such an important moment of our lives. Before I began my declaration of love to my beautiful wife…”, he said and there were wolf whistles and chuckled from the guests. “ … I’d like to thank our parents. Rupert, Victoria, thank you for being incredible parents to Elle. For raising her to be a strong woman. For sharing with her your sense of family, values and duty. For guiding and encouraging her to become the kind and intelligent person she is.”, Harry said, directing his voice to Elle’s parents, who were sat next to her. Turning to his left, he looked at his father and stepmother.

“ Papa, Camilla, thank you for you support, love and guidance through the years. For not giving up on me on my rebellious phase, for showing me the companionship of a loving couple, who relies on each other.”, he told them with a smile. “ To my mother, who’s watching from Heaven, I thank her for the laughs, the jokes, the silliness, the love, the light, warmth and compassion I care with me.”, he continued. Opening the folded piece of paper, he sighed.

“ This is one of her last letters to me. And I’d like to read some of it to you.”, he told the guests and he room fell silent. “ My naughty boy, my darling Harry… I know we haven’t spend much time together in these past months and I’m sorry for it. Believe me that I hold you and your brother in heart, you’re on my mind at every waking moment. You and William are my joy, my family. And family, is the most important thing in the world. One day, I wholeheartedly hope, you’ll find someone that you love, with your entire heart and soul, and you too, will have a family of your own. Treasure single moment, and protect the ones you love, my son. Show them how much you care, whenever you can. I can…”, Harry hesitated in that moment, when he read. “… I can only hope to be there to see that. In the meantime, now that your mother loves you very much and will see you soon. Lots of love, Mummy.”, he finished, a few tears running down his cheek. The room remained silent for a few moments, before Harry chuckled, turning his head to face Elle, who was holding tightly to his hand, visibly moved.

“ My mother couldn’t have known back then, that the bossy, kind, clever little girl that she’d met in 1996 was one day going to be my wife. So, in a way, she fulfilled her dream, her hope to see me with the person I love and will, hopefully in very near future, start a family with. As my brother said, she’d have loved to be here today, but we know in our heart that, somehow, she is.”, continued Harry. Taking in a deep breath, he grinned and fully turned his body to Elle.

“ My love… my incredible wife…”, began Harry, taking her hand into his, holding it tightly; Elle felt her eyes misting up again. “ It’s so good to call you my wife, you know? As my father, father in law and brother have said, Elle and I have shared our lives together long before we embarked on this journey as husband and wife. And as we grew, so did our care for each other. And eventually, mutual love. How could I not love her? Anyone who knows Elle will tell you of her kind and caring nature, of her bossy, resolute yet just leadership, of her brilliancy as an scholar, of her loyalty as a friend, of her undying devotion for those she cares about, of her kindness for those in need. She’s very easy to love… and keeping her love, will be my privilege and my honour. For the rest of our lives.”, said Harry and a round of awns filled the room, accompanied by Elle quiet sob and smile.

“ When she came back and we rekindled our friendship and we went out, like we used to do, I had a feeling this time was different. I was afraid I’d loose if I told that my feelings for you were changing. I was afraid you didn’t feel the same. But, you did. You did, my love, and… when I took you to Balmoral, after weeks of planning, might I add…”, he told her, and she chuckled. “ I had never been more certain of anything in my life then in that moment, when I asked you to be my wife.”, he continued, now seeing tears falling from her eyes.

“ Dearest Elle, I’m so proud to stand here today and call you my partner, my friend, my companion, my most beloved wife. I’m proud of the love we share, of everything we have together. Thank you for taking me, this ridiculous man who certainly doesn’t deserve you. But I promise I’ll do everything and more to make you happy, to prove myself worthy, for all the days of our lives.”, finished Harry. The room was filled with a thunderous applause and hollers from the guests. Elle, who had been crying, raised from the table and kissed her husband.

“ You’re so cheesy…”, she joked and they chuckled, foreheads connected. “ Thank you…”. Drying up her tears with a tissue, Elle took in a few deep breaths, before repeating Harry’s actions.

“ Well, I know it’s not customary, but I’d like to say a few words of my own. Though I don’t know how to compete with what we just heard…”, she started and the guests laughed. “ First, I’d like to thank Her Majesty and Prince Philip for their kindness, generosity and warmth towards me. For welcoming into their family and accepting me with all my faults, free of judgement. ”, said Elle, receiving smiles from the elderly couple.

“ Secondly, I’d like to thank Charles and Camilla, for always supporting me and embracing me into your home. Thank you for helping Harry become the man he is today. Harry's mother, whom I had the privilege to meet, once told me, show the world kindness and it will give you kindness in return. I carry those words with me every day of my life. So thank you, Diana, wherever you are, for imprinting such love and compassion into my husband, for giving him your sense of humor and the goofiness I adore.”, said Elle, and Harry chuckled beside her.

“ Mama, Papa thank you for always giving me your love, for creating a caring and happy home for Ed and I, for showing me that even though our lives are tied to the duty we must perform to the public, the country and the Crown, that family comes first, above all else. Thank you for supporting my decisions, my believing in me.”, she said, turning to her parents on her right.

“ Thank you to my brother, for introducing me to Harry in the first place.”, said Elle and she hear Edward chuckling. “ Had you not, we might be somewhere else today. To all my dear friends, thank you for sharing so many incredible moments with me. Valerie, I cannot begin to tell you how important you are to me and how much I value your friendship. You are the sister I never had. Will, Kate, thank you for being by my side every step of the way, for accepting me in yours and your children’s lives.”, she told them, smiling.

“ Finally, to my husband…”, Elle said, turning to face Harry, who looked up to meet her eyes. “ My darling and most beloved husband, my cheeky and goofy Harry. Look at where we are and look at where we’ve started, hum…”, she joked, smiling. “ All those months ago, when you crashed on my parent’s fundraiser gala, which I was hosting on their absence, I think I already knew then, that we were in it for something special, something more than just friendship. And it scared me. It scared me to think that I could ruin the bond we’ve had for so long, it scare me that I was beginning to feel for you, things that I had never felt before. But you were gentle, patient, you took your time into completely worming your way into my heart, mind and soul. Never, ever,  to leave again. You’re my knight in shining armour, my prince charming, my heart’s desire. I’m an incredible lucky woman to have you, Harry, and I’ll spend the rest of my life, telling you how much I truly, deeply, irrevocably love you.”, finished Elle, and Harry pulled her by waist for another kiss. Their family and friends applauded and cheered. But nothing else mattered now. In that moment, the world revolved only around them.

************

While the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh and a few older people retired for the night, Elle, Harry and their guests were led to the Throne Room, which had been transformed into a nightclub, complements of a few of Harry’s friends. There was a stage, where Ed Sheeran would be performing for the night, a dance floor and a cocktail bar serving champagne, spirits and Mojito cocktails. The chandelier that hung in the middle of the ceiling, had been covered with a kind of curtain, which had laser and strobe lights on it for the dance floor. The guests were led in first, and just as the couple walked past the doors, a explosion of metallic confetti greeted them, as well as the thunderous applauses and cheers.

With the gentle swing of Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud, Harry and Elle had their first dance as husband and wife. Holding each other closely, Harry sang along, whispering part of the lyrics into her ear.

“Take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your head on my beating heart…”, Elle smiled and repeated the familiar gesture she and Harry had developed as their trademark: she laid her head his chest, her hand placed just above his head, feeling his strong, rapid heartbeat.  “ I love you so, incredibly much…”, she told him, gently. “ Much more than I scarcely thought possible.”, she continued.

“ How did I get so lucky?”, he commented smirking. 

“ I don't know... but I’m overjoyed we have each other. Completely and eternally.”, said Elle.

“ My heart belongs to you, as does my whole body. I’m completely yours, my love. From now until the end of the Earth.”, said Harry, kissing her sweetly.

For the following hours, they enjoyed cover songs from every possible genre and time; from the Beatles, to Elvis; from Nat King Cole to Madonna. Elle danced with her father, with Charles, her brother, William, Rick, Trevor and even Andrew. Bea, Genie, Mary and Valerie pulled her to the side for a joint performance of Wannabe by the Spice Girls, which resulted in wolf whistles and cheers from Harry and the male guests. When the DJ took over, closer to midnight, only the younger generation remained. Elle and Harry left the Throne Room at about three in the morning, after all the guests had either retired to their hotels or to the homes, absolutely knackered.

Walking through the empty halls, apart from the guards, they giggled, a little tipsy from all the champagne they had consumed. “ Oh my God, I’m so tired…”, complained Elle, stomping with her back leaning on the marble wall. Sighing, she took off her shoes, much to Harry’s amusement, and proceeded on walking, sans shoes, on the red, carpeted floor. “ Ah… much better…”, she said, relishing on the feel of the plushy material on the soles of her feet.  

“ Are you coming, husband?”, she told Harry, turning her head enticing to him, calling him forth with her finger. He once again chuckled, throwing his head back, jogging to her side.

“ Lead the way, wife.”, he replied.

[viralhottopics]

In defense of Snapchat, a manifesto

Image: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

YeahI’m a business and tech reporter, who reports on social media networks. And in order to do the job correctly, it’s on me to maintain a degree of objective remove. That said: I’m not a reporting robot without ideas, preferences, or a life beyond my gig. And while part of that job also involves spending time on social networks, like all of you, (A) I still do it for fun, and (B) If you looked at my phone, it’d be pretty obvious what my favorite social networks are, and how I spend my time using them.

SEE ALSO: Here’s why all the sudden the banks love Snapchat but still hate Twitter

Here’s a good snapshot:

Which brings us to Facebook, down there, towards the bottom of my usage. They just unleashed their latest attempt to squash Snapchat on Tuesday with Facebook Storiesthe experience of Snapchat Stories, now available on your Facebook News Feed, something nearly 2 billion people could have access to, if you let them. There’s more about that here.

It’s nothing new. Snapchat’s faced down a full-on assault for your attention from Facebook-owned properties, in the forms of Instagram Stories, Messenger Day and WhatsApp Stories, each trying to replicate the very things that make Snapchat, well, Snapchat, but under a different, Facebook-owned app.

Instagram Stories is, thus far, the big winner, with everyone from the network’s most influential creators to its most typical users embracing the feature. Instagram Stories went from 0 to 150 million monthly active users in six months. My colleague, Mashable deputy tech editor Damon Beres, is one of those culprits, and openly admits it (“My #thirst has driven me to abandon Snapchat for Instagram Stories“).

Damon found that “Instagram’s rate of coolness per capita is higher than Snapchat’s. There’s just a bigger audience of interesting people to communicate with on Instagram.”

‘Kay, fine. Fair. But let’s be totally clear: Damon’s saying that he’s Team Instagram because his account is getting what he feels are more highly-valued views.

Thing is, I’m Team Snapchat for the exact same reason.

“Snapchat,” continued Damon, “will likely remain my favorite app for sending incredibly weird things to a handful of close friendsits selection of stickers, face-transforming filters, geolocation tags and so forth.”

And that’s exactly my point, and why Snapchat’s the more valuable of the two appsbecause the mouthbreathing annony-succubi followers of Instagram (especially Damon’s, lol) might be more proliferate, and might be more influential, but I still don’t really know nor care who the fuck any of ’em are.

Snapchat’s where my friends areyes, my real friends. On Facebook and Instagram, I’ll add you as a friend, and you can feel free to stalk my high school photos. I don’t really care. But when it comes to my life, in real-time, in the momentwhat I do every day before work, or after work? That’s on Snapchat.

But when it comes to my life, in real-time, in the moment, when it comes to what I do every day before work, or after work? That’s on Snapchat.

And I’m not inviting you in, unless you gain my trust. It’s kind of like building sources as a journalist: I’m giving you access to my personal life. And yeah, you could take a screenshot of my Snapchat, and share it to the world. And while I’ll know that you did it, it’d be too late to take it back. So as far as my Snapchat’s concerned, you need to be vetted before I let you in.

That’s not to say I’m doing anything too racy and posting it to my Snapchat Story. In fact, that’s another reason why I love the app. For the people that do enjoy seeing it, who I very much trust with my private life, I can send them personal messages. They disappear. And that’s great. They don’t have it saved on their phone because they honestly don’t need it there.

And neither do I.

Shocker: I sext. I’ve sent my fair share of nudes to boyfriends and to others. I’m not ashamed. And if you’re wondering why I don’t just text them, it’s because Snapchat just makes it way more comfortable for us all. Like I said: I don’t need these on my phone, and neither do they. And if they doit happensthey can screenshot. All the more flattery, to be honest.

To be sure, I was once a Snapchat hater, too. One of my best friends tried to convince me to download it in 2012, while I was a sophomore in college. I told her I was too busy with school. Still, I downloaded the app four months later, and I don’t regret it.

To be sure, I was a Snapchat hater too once upon a time.

And while I report on Snapchatas well as other tech companiesfor a living, it’s not reporting on Snapchat that makes me love Snapchat.

What I love about Snapchat is the joy it provides me. I go to Facebook if I want to stalk my ex or a high school classmate. It not funthere’s no real joy in itbut it’s cursory, I do it anyway. I go to Snapchat when I want to genuinely see what my friends are doing. Sure, it creates FOMO; but it’s also an opportunity for me to easily reach out or reply with a funny face or sticker or Bitmoji. It’s a different language, for me and my friends. Not the randos in my life.

And I love Snapchat for the news and the stories it shares. Beyond watching whatever my Snapchat friends are doing, the app (usually) presents me with daily, well-packaged content from media brands, like, say, Mashable’s (Disclosure: Mashable is a Snapchat Discover partner) are enjoyable reads, or tap-throughs.

On Facebook, most of the time, news articles come with obnoxious commentary from friends. My brother-in-law leaves an angry reaction on everything I post (okay, I know, it’s a joke). But: It’s just not fun. If I want to read news through a filtered bubble, I’ll go to my Twitter.

Snapchat’s breaking news coverage is also an incredible product in and of itself. Props to Peter Hamby, Snap’s head of news, for making sure they curate stories with smart news judgment (*cough* Facebook Trending Topics disaster *cough*). It’s pretty inarguable: Snapchat’s got some of the best news coverage on social media.

And the lenses. I know Facebook copied your lenses, Snapchat. But damn, your puppy filter will always bring me joyno matter if Facebook completely mimics it. I’ll never forget the many times I’ve played around with filters with my exes, my best friends, and my mom.

Lenses are fairly new on Snapchat, as in the last two years, but they embody the Snapchat aestheticone they’ve been developing for the last five years.

I’m a confessed, admitted Snapchat fangirlnot unlike those “Apple fanboys” you might be familiar with. Shamelessness goes both ways, guys.

I remember when Snapchat first began selling merchandise branded with Ghostface Chillah (that ghost logo of theirs, who I love, and who you secretly love, too). I immediately requested for everyone to buy me everything. Now, I’m the proud owner of an Official Snapchat Ice Tray. It makes Ghostface Chillah-shaped ice. Which, of course, eventually melts away. Perfect.

Of course I own Spectacles. I carry them in my bag with me everyday. I don’t wear them oftenmostly because I’ve got pretty bad eyesight, and I haven’t gotten prescription lenses because I just don’t want to be separated from my Spectacles for too long.

But I love them. I love wearing them to partiesI Snapped moments of my friend’s wedding. I wore them around Universal Studios. They’re absurd, sure. But they’re also a uniquely fun way to show the world what you’re living through, the moment you’re living through it.

And I absolutely loved their release. Snapbots: Those minion-looking vending machines, dropped in arbitrary locations around the country? They’re fun, dorky, ridiculous, and unique to Snapchat’s strange aesthetic. Instagram and Facebook have rarely had a tangible, real-world presence. Snapchat wants to make itself real in the world off of our phones.

As of this week, there are Stories in the Facebook News Feed. Which brings us back to the elephant in the room where Snapchat’s concerned: Instagram.

And I hate Instagram.

Go to my Instagram feed, which I think is public? Honestly, don’t know, and not gonna check. I love going to my Instagram feed and viewing the posts and Stories of the accounts I follow. Why? Because they’re mostly fluffy puppies. Go check out Chloe the Mini Frenchie and Teddy the Corgi. They’re the reason that I’m a weekly active user of Instagram.

I hate that Instagram is all about the number of likes and followers. I hate the Kardashians.

Instagram isn’t my go-to social network, and I’m pretty confident it never will be. Because, to be quite honest, I hate filtering my life. I hate the vain, highly-styled, carefully-crafted, unsurprising, deliberate nature of it. I hate that it’s a network all about the number of likes and followers. And I hate the Kardashians.

I know Snapchat isn’t perfect. Their racially-insensitive and scientifically-inaccurate lenses are, uh, not a good look. The fact that they don’t really prioritize Android devices and instead cater to iPhone users is just kind of weird at this stage. And I don’t like that they have a weirdly one-way, non-supportive relationship with its creators. I know from speaking to many of the most popular Viner users that this strategy didn’t work out well for themor Vine, either. And of course: Evan Spiegel said some bad shit in college. Snap’s also never released a workplace diversity report, unlike their peers in the tech industry. So, it goes without saying: They’ve got some work to do.

And yeah, at the end of the day, it’s just an app.

But these platforms are also places we’re spending increasing amounts of time in every daythey’re frames that we’re living our lives through, articulating something, creating something, sending some part of us out into the world. And so much more than its contemporaries, Snapchat, if nothing else, stands for things: Authenticity. Spontaneity. And that’s why I love Snapchat. It’s where you’ll find me at my most authentic. It’s where you’ll actually get to know who I really am.

If I let you, of course.

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