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imforrestgumping-blog · 8 years ago

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conversations with a mirrored me

We seriously don’t need to make this a lengthy conversation?

- Yeah yeah but listen what’s the point of trying to attach a time frame when you’ve waited your whole life to have a conversation with yourself. Yourself?! I mean isn’t that at some point of every thinker’s mind a sort of mission? In the figurative…

I think it is. And well you’re here. And I’m here and somehow you thought it was an artist idea to put it out there. Figure that I didn’t say it was good or bad idea.

- Pssht but you perpetually know how to bring a brother down Fam. But listen, do you think we think in the same voice? I can sort of figure out our thinking voice but you know that thing you do when you try character something but some fraction of your brain always has it covered and you are waiting to get that answer but you somehow get lost in solving it yourself and you end up like a dumbass because you somehow get it twisted?

What?! Nah fam. That’s just you. I mean sure I do think about what voice I think in. Like I think it changes with your emotion. But you can sort of recognize that overtone of you, the echo. The subconscious echo. Or am I bullshitting you? Because I think for real, they’ll always be a constant trait of you in everything you do. For everyone one of us. Like how the moon will be the moon even in daylight when it’s not needed. And that’s how unexplained shit like eclipses appear. Because rationally speaking the moon isn’t suppose to be there. But science messes up the beauty of it through justification.

- Ag guy it’s as though you were birthed by science. You’re fuck curious. Always trying to make sense of shit that sometimes needs no logic. Till today I have not meet anyone who wants to know some of shit you want to know. What do you think about this writing project you’re doing?

I think it’s expressive. One dimensionally though. And I dig how I’m able to recognize the parts of my brain I channeled and how it’ll always remain reflective of shit people will never truly know. Sort of reminds me of Frank’s music; it’s tapping into his conscious but you can never know how. And of course I’m no Frank bro but I rate it’s pretty cool I can see his art in my art. Or at least I’d like to convince you and me so. Are you convinced man?

- Sure I think anyone who knows you, especially me. That’s cool right? Feels good actually saying that. But its dope how much of an inspiration he is. It’s like seeing Gambino inspire himself on Atlanta. That’s an epic series. Too bad Season 2 had to be postponed. But there’s Game of Thrones to look forward to.

Yeah but July…

- Hey, I think it’s worth the wait. And each episode will be like an hour and a half. More movie like if you ask me. Not that you should be complaining. But talk to me about this project of ours.

Where was I. Umm.. Yeah I was saying bro. I think it’s pretty cool how as I re-read the shit is wrote I could also pick out the elements that are consistent in my scripting. It’s an entirely different experience on its own and how I let flow of my conscious. I mean they’d be times where writing in the weirdest of places would feel normal. I still reckon I’ll be nervous when I put it together and it’s ready for publishing, if I can call it that. Sure there’s always that underlying fear of hate critique you know. I think, I think I wrote a love story. I know what’s like to fall in love and I think what I did here was create a love story. With what I don’t know but it feels good looking back unto what I’m making here and going through so many feels. Its dope. It’s explosive. And I get to fiddle with a reader’s emotions. That connection I hope to create is something beyond what I can control. And isn’t that love? Isn’t that wanting more for someone more than they want for themselves?

Why we’re both here trying to let them read and feel something?

Love hey. Speaking about women and cuddles, do you remember that Ab-soul interview you read where he spoke about how women are everything? The good, the bad, the root of all? And how a real OG knows that most wars have been fought over women? That piece was something you’ve never been able to forget. Especially because you made her read it.

- Yah neh, her. Do you miss her bruh?

Fuck yeah I miss her. I mean, I miss her it sort of irritates me man. I hope she gets to read this too. She barely understood what writing meant to me but when she wrapped her mind around it, she eventually encouraged me to write. And I think I’ve been able to channel more of her into me than when we were together. Okay maybe I just miss her. She was misunderstood and I think she’ll remain that way for a very long time. So will I of course but I appreciate how that’ll always be the connection we had - lost and in love. A beautiful mess. It’s the part where we began misunderstanding one another that will forever hurt to the core... What else are we supposed to be speaking about?

- Wow, that’s an ancient load, a very expansive question I’ve been meaning to ask us. Questions likes do you think we’re attractive, why didn’t we began writing earlier, confidence levels, a ton of questions about the world, your teenage life and the life prior this life. I mean there’s so much to actually ask that I don’t even have a starting point. Why you prefer certain metaphors and a stream of conscious, dirty realism, Coldplay, your depth understanding of a being like Lil Wayne or Allister Crowley. I mean dude, I can only manage to attempt an holistic answer to that question but it steams down to one complex principle and I think it’s how you want to understand yourself beyond the idea of a mirror, writing or introspection after most, if not all, events. So what do we speak about, yeah that’s a lifetime worthy conversation mate because growth, that shit happens every single day and it’s how most of us have this imbalance of piling up questions for God when we forget one simple ideology; it’s in us… So what do we speak about, for now we speak about letting them know only a fraction then we write about the rest and hopefully they pick that up whilst we grow.

You’ve been too attached to this Boys Don’t Cry magazine, and that interview with Lil B about the sexiness of money. Let me do the honours, do you think money is sexy?

- Of course man. I think it’s dirty. But the sexy sort of dirty. Like a female. A bad bad. That’s sexy. The kind that deserves an entire species title in her honour. Because it has this destructive thing about her. And isn’t that sort of power just darn attractive. Hey, we can dwell on the chemistry of how it fits into this world and actually how physically dirty it is to touch it but money, money is sexy Fam. Sexy doesn’t always have to be good though. Or relevant. And you know how you actually feel about money. That’s my point.

I agree with you. It makes you do some pretty messed up things, like how a mentally explosive female would make you do things that test your self-control without many words. Money is like the dangerous sort of female and all of us are the testosterone filled boys. There are just as many songs about that one girl as they are about money. Ask Abel.

- Growth. That words sums up everything we need to speak about, I think?

Funny you mentioned that, I was just thinking about how I’ll release something new if this one reaches anything over ten souls. In the right way of course. So here I am debating with myself how I need to grow. We both know that entails more music, more hers, more travel and more of new. More situations in life, more milieus, addressing more world problems and a growth of conscious. And because I’ve started writing some crazy material since I relapsed. Not too dark, not too much personal me but something I deem fit for the world to grow. And hopefully I’ll get there. I mean, I started it right? With a different vocal chord in my brain back then but like I said to dad, “I can do more writing out there than in four corners” who knows maybe I’ll meet a team that’s all arty and shit and prepared to make things happen in the right way. Yeah well.. that’s the segment of growth I’ll comment on. A musician, a writer, a photographer. Choose one.

- Well the rapping scene is too fast and misguided for me, I think I’d script fire lyrics though. Although we did play the guitar at a stage for another genre. The photography scene is too literal for me. And I’d position myself more to the writing prospect but my feeling is it that it’s too narrow. Let’s talk music bro.

Music man? Do you want us to be here till our death? There’s so much to say about music. But let me summarize this; there’s a song for your every emotion and I feel so sorry for people who haven’t urged themselves to step out of their comfort zones with their music taste. But music is.. Music man. Music is infinity and whether it’s someone like Lil Wayne, some Soundcloud singer, a trap artist, a live session, a Little Dragon concert, Amy Winehouse tribute or even a random cover of White Ferrari. Music is simply and complexly infinite bro.

- We’re not done right?

Of course not.

- Fam? Bro? Anima? Anima…

END OF EPISODE ONE

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