#bren family

[lunalapine-art]

A brief break from the crows to show off some bun kids. These four are Brydan, Bren, Elodie, and Lizzie; Ace's adopted younger siblings and part of the Baker family~

[vampirekangaroo]

I'm finally getting around to watching Kin season 2 and sweet lord have mercy to that one scene in episode 3 with Michael, Bren, Birdy, and Eric. If he ever needs an alibi, I was with him. He couldn't have done whatever was said to have happened. Michael just moved Thomas Shelby way up on my list of characters/shows I need to watch. I understand my mom's love for mobster films/shows in a whole new way now.

[brennacedria]

FILL IN THE BLANK

Food

Shower

PJs

???

Bed

[vonlipvig]

me, cocking a gun and pointing it at my friend: PLAY MY STEAM GAMES

[rosekasa]

adding onto this is when a character becomes your favourite BECAUSE it reminds you of them

underrated form of love is when your favourite characters remind you of them

[scorpioriesling]

Heyyy how are you???? Crazy idea what about if xaden had a sister who stayed in aretia, never went to Basgiath, but she still bounded with a dragon (how to train your dragon style) only brennan knows ( brennan X reader) the dragon is son of Tairn and Sgaeyl

A Family Reunion

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Pairing(s): Brennan x reader

Warning(s): none

Summary: You'd stayed in Aretia when your brother left for Basgiath -- but, that had been years ago. After falling in love with the capital's general, the impending family reunion was... well, not what you expected. Especially when your brother learns of what you'd been doing the entire time he'd been away.

SR’s Note: This was actually so fun to write, and I'm grateful for the request! It was a nice break from all the smut I've been writing lately, LOL. Between requests and Kinktober prep... well, you get the idea. I hope you enjoy!

Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @kitsunetori @velarisdusk @nctsawrus (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

"Good morning, my love."

You smiled sleepily as your boyfriend pressed a tander kiss to your lips, your eyelids opening slowly as the early-morning sunlight welcomed you back into consciousness. His brown eyes gazed down at you as he hovered just above you, and your smile faltered a bit when you realized his attire.

"B-Bren... why are you..." You made to sit up in bed, arching your spine and releasing a big yawn. His hands helped guide you into a sitting position, and he knelt beside the bed.

"They're arriving today." He said simply, and your eyes widened.

"They... it's the 12th?" You ask, your mind beginning to race. Sure, you were briefed on the arrival a few weeks ago -- but you must have miscounted the days. Your eyes flickered toward his flight jacket, the "Aseraigh" patch sewn on the right side.

His fingers gently caressed your cheek as he nodded, and you kicked the blankets off in a rush.

"W-Well why didn't you wake me up sooner?" You exclaimed, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. Before you could stand, your boyfriend wedged his way between your knees, placing his palms on the bare skin of your thighs. You sighed, looking down at him impatiently.

"You appear so peaceful when you rest," he offered lightly. His admission had a small smile pulling your lips upward, and he reached in to kiss you again. Slower this time, his mouth molding to yours as though the two were made to be connected.

You slid your fingers over his, giving them a small squeeze before he pulled back from you.

"You know I'd give anything to just stay here with you, all day." The raw emotion in his voice had your heart swelling, and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Me too Bren, me too."

But unfortunately, you had to prepare for your brother's arrival instead.

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The sun sank lower and lower on the horizon, and with each passing minute, your heart raced faster.

There's no use in being nervous -- it's a waste of time.

Azar's voice rang clearly inside of your head, and you instinctively looked toward the cave opening. You half expected to see his blue-black scales glinting in the sun, but he had already retreated further into the covering.

Surely, in preparation.

I'm allowed to be nervous, you replied. I haven't seen my brother in years, let alone been able to explain our... situation.

When Xaden had left for Basgiath, he left more than just his memory behind -- he left you. In a brotherly attempt to protect you, of course. Little had he known, you'd shared more than a last name; you posessed the same courage, grit, and intelligence as your older counterpart.

He also had no knowledge of your ability to bond with a dragon, especially outside of the war college. But, here we are.

You could practically feel Azar's eye roll in your mind.

Give me a break -- you and I, are most certainly not in the same situation.

Very true.

Azar had it hard; his parents surely didn't believe he was alive. Taken as a mere hatchling, Tairn and Sgael lost their only true offspring years ago; they'd adopted Andarna, sure. But if you could guess, they'd believed Azar to be deceased.

Before you could fire back a reply, you turned at the sound of Brennan's voice.

"Right, and the rooms are prepped? All the medical supplies stationed around the campus?"

He spoke with Iseul, the head of the Aretian Guard as they stalked closer to you. His eyes met yours and he smiled, severing his conversation with the general.

"All ready, sir. We have soldiers stationed around the city to assist in the arrival," he explained, and Brennan clapped him on the shoulder.

"Excellent," he responded, nodding as Iseul made his departure. He turned to you, a long breath exhaling from him as he glanced toward the sky.

"Now, we just prepare for their arrival." He muttered. You nodded, stepping into his embrace. He held you close as the two of you watched, simply waiting for the incoming fleet to make themselves seen.

"I'm sure it'll go... great," you attempted to sound hopeful. Brennan chewed on the inside of his cheek, still gazing at the clouds.

"Yeah... like one, big, happy family reunion."

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The reunion was not happy. Nor was it big.

It was nearly eight in the afternoon when the largest of the dragons made an appearance through the coulds; large, dark, and intimidating. It had to be Tairn, surely. Your heart sunk when you glanced to Azar -- he'd temporarily lied outside the cave's opening in an attempt to sun his midnight scales, but upon hearing the chaos of the fleet's arrival, he quickly retreated into the cave mouth once more.

You focused more on clearing the groundspace as many Aretian soldiers and dwellers gathered near the entrance to Riorson House. The large, winged creatures flew lower and lower overhead -- riders appearing on many of their backs.

That was, except the black dragon's.

"Clear the way!" Brennan shouted, waving his hands as his army obeyed. Instantaneously, the ground shook below your feet as dragon after dragon landed in the land's capital.

You instinctively lifted your arms, the wind generated from the massive wingbeats before you pulling a few strands free from your high bun. Chaos ensued around you -- soldier pulled rider after rider from their creatures, many of them injured and in need of medical attention.

Heat blazed beneath your skin, the darkening sky calling to you in a way that you could not suffice right now.

Now is not the time for a lightning storm, Azar.

Again, the eye roll could be felt from a mile away.

Maybe not, but it would make for a dramatic entrance.

You shook your head, wondering if Azar's parents were as insufferable as he was.

Making your way through soldiers and riders rushing by, you halted when a humongous blue dragon landed just before your boyfriend. You watched as he reached toward the rider dismounting, exchanged panic shared between the two.

The taller, darker rider quickly transferred the limp girl he'd been holding in his arms to rest in Brennan's, explaining in a rushed, loud tone that she needed his immediate medical attention.

You stepped closer, bile rising in your throat as you clocked her silver hair. That, along with the dripping, veiny gash to her right side.

His sister.

The bile threatened to make an appearance. The girl looked nearly dead, but the silver hair was enough indication that she was in fact, Violet Sorrengail.

Brennan rushed toward the house, a few soldies and Iseul flanking his sides in an attempt to assist. You debated following him inside, that was before your lungs seized of air as you were pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

You breathed deeply in an attempt to regain oxygen, the smell of smoke and mint infultrating your senses. In your panic, you registered the familiar scent; and instantly relaxed.

Xaden.

"Oh my Gods, Y/N -- I can't tell you how many times I'll thank Malek for not taking you from me, not yet anyway."

He released you, pulling back to stare down at you. You couldn't help the stinging behind your eyes, the immediate rush of emotion almost too much to contain.

"Xaden I..." You pulled him in again, hugging him with intent this time. His hands wrapped around your waist and held the back of your head, as though you were sacred and precious all at the same time. You hated the tears that spilled over, running down your cheeks and dampening his flight jacket.

He loosened his grip, releasing you once more as you wiped at your nose with your own jacket. His brow raised as he took in your appearance, his gaze running quizzically over you.

"Your own jacket, huh?" He questions, and your breath catches in your throat. Shit. You were going to take it off before he arrived.

You chuckled, trying to find an explaination.

"Yeah! I uh... I liked the one that um," you coughed. "General Aseraigh wears, so I asked for one of my own."

His assessing gaze hardened.

"Is that so."

You nodded, your eyes catching on the chaos still ensuing around you.

"And, you seem... well, like you've been busy, here." His gaze flickers to your legs, the noticeable amount of muscle you'd packed onto them while training. You had to -- Brennan ensured you were ready and fit to handle Azar.

You scowled. "What, you expected me to do nothing around here while you've been gone?"

His jaw ticked.

"No, I'm simply noticing the... changes, in you. Since I saw you last."

Your fury burned hotter at his usual, calm tone.

"I've been training, so what?" You threw your hands up. "It's not like I have a dragon-school with dragon-school-teachers to go to."

The punch hit exactly where it should of.

"Oh, so Brennan's been doing it instead?"

Well, maybe not exactly where it should have.

Before you could fire another retort, your brother's attention is snagged on the front entrance to your childhood home. Someone is shouting for him to come, and he lets out a long sigh before departing.

"This conversation is not over."

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Your foot tapped impatiently outside the door.

Brennan had gone in hours ago, and you hadn't seen him since. Not to mention, your brother joining him soon after. With Azar still hidden away, you only had yourself and your thoughts to occupy your time.

Another half an hour longer, and the door creaked open. Your face lit up as Brennan squeezed through, closing it softly behind him. You took his face in your hands, and he immediately melted into you.

"How is she?" You couldn't help but ask. He drew his head up from off your shoulder to look at you, and your brows knit as you take in his exhausted expression.

"She's... well, she'll recover." He offerred, laying his head back down on your shoulder. "She hasn't woken up yet."

Your hands run comfortingly over his back, one tangling in his hair and scratching lightly. He lets out a sound of contentment, his voice muffled against your jacket.

Continuing to whisper your encouraging words, you let your eyes fall shut as well. It'd been a long day, a tiring one at that -- especially for someone like Brennan, who spent a lot of it preparing and mending and doing so much you couldn't even begin to imagine.

The door behind him opened slightly, but you were too lost in the moment to notice. It shut a few minutes after, and you began guiding Brennan to the living room to lie down.

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your eyes blinked open a few hours later, the early morning dawn peeking through the living room curtains. You stretched out, yawning and looking across the couch.

Brennan wasn't there.

You look around the room quickly, not finding him anywhere. You made to stand, when a soft voice spoke from the shadows across the room.

"I sent him off to bed a few hours ago."

You paused, squinting through the darkness. Shadows lazily floated toward you, tickling below your chin and threading through the ruined mess of a bun on your head.

The quiet stretched on for a few moments, before you opened your mouth to explain.

"I think he may have just fallen asleep out here-"

"You really love him, don't you."

The chilling calm with which he spoke halted your hasty explaination. You leaned back against the couch, wiping a hand down your face. You sighed -- no point in lying now.

"I... yes."

Your brother looked at you in silence, his face a mask of unreadable calm. He breathed deeply, looking down at the floor before speaking again.

"Violet and I... we're..." he struggles to find the words. "I can't lose her."

Your face falls, and you stand to cross the room and sit by your brother. You wrap a comforting arm around his shoulders, the action feeling a lot like the way your mom once did it. He looks sidelong at you, the fear making itself known in his eyes.

"Xaden, I think Violet will be just fine," you say softly. "Brennan... he's good at what he does, and for his sister?" You shrug. "I feel like he'd do anything."

Xaden chuckles, leaning his head on your shoulder.

"You can remind her of that when she wakes up," he says, his tone suggesting that the reunion of the siblings might not go so well. "But, I'd do anything for my sister, too. So, I get it."

You share the quiet calm that follows, sitting beside eachother as a million unspoken words hang in the air between the two of you. It isn't too long before Brennan rushes in, his hair a sleepy mess on his head.

"She's waking up," he says, and Xaden stiffens. He rises with grace, crossing the room in a few small strides. He approaches Brennan and pauses before heading down the hallway, looking first at Brennan and then to you once more.

"You better never, ever do anything stupid to her, Aseraigh."

Brennan puts his hands up in surrender, and watches as his friend continues down the hallway. He looks to you with a raised eyebrow, and you shrug.

"I had to tell him-"

He sighs, taking the seat next to you on the couch and resting his head in your lap. He rubs at his eyes sleepily, another yawn escaping from him before he gazes up at you.

"It's way too early for this shit."

･ﾟ: *✧

Just as your brother predicted, the sibling reunion was... well, less than ideal.

"You really thought that hiding out here, letting your whole family believe you were dead-" her words are sharp as she follows Brennan out the front entrance, walking quickly toward where you and Xaden stood on the front pasture.

"...was the best idea? What the Hell, Brennan!"

Brennan huffed, stopping before the two of you and spinning on his heel to face his sister.

"Yes, Vi, I did. And, you know what? I'm glad I did." He admits, glancing toward you. His sister scoffs, folding her arms over her chest.

"Right, because changing your last name and forging a secret army in a secret, fucking, place, Brennan, is a terrific idea," she punctuates each word. "So glad you did it! Yep. So glad I had to watch our parents mourn you, Mira mourn you," she continues. He only shakes his head.

"This was all coming to a head," he interjects. "Had I not been here, where would you have gone last night? Had I not been here, where would your fellow cadets find refuge? Huh?" He continues. Xaden steps forward, hoping to ease some of the tension.

"It's not all his fault, Vi. I could have-"

"You could have told me the truth, instead of lying your way out of things. As you always do." She glared at him. "I'm not talking to you right now anyway."

Thunder rumbled in the distance, but it was not your doing this time -- though the sensation, the action was so similar to your own. Violet's hard gaze turned to you, and her face softened only an inch.

"You're Y/N, right?"

You nod silently, and she purses her lips.

"Great. I'm glad you at least kept my brother in line -- as much as you could, while he was lying to his family." She threw a withering glare to her brother. "It seems like we're in the same position, of sorts. A brother that lies, and..." she trails off, looking at Xaden. "Whatever, this is. Bottom line is, you lied too."

Your brother's face falls, and your heart hurts only a little. You could understand her frustration, and recognized your brothers usual avoidance of the hard situation by always taking the easy way out.

"Well... if I'm being honest-"

"Oh, some honesty is more than appreciated right now."

You winced as you looked at her, then looking to Brennan who only nodded. Xaden's gaze flickered between the two of you, his anger rising.

"Don't tell me you're..." he trails off. You give him a confused look, immediately after widening your eyes in shock.

"Oh! Oh Gods, no, Xaden. Nothing like that." You reassure. Even with that assurance, your brother glares hard at Brennan.

"No, seriously -- it's not like that. I mean, it's like that, but not like... that." He chuckles nervously, and Violet finally makes the connection.

"Wait -- the two of you are, together?" She whispers. Your gaze drops, and Brennan nods before Violet lets out a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh, my, Gods! This literally just keeps getting better and better." She throws her hands up incredulously, resting her palms atop her head. "Tairn is gonna get a load of this, and Sgael... Gods, I wonder how truthful you are with her." She glares sidelong at Xaden again, who only sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

"Violet, please-"

"Well, speaking of um, Tairn, and Sgael," you announce, and both Xaden and Violet refocus on you at the mention of their dragon's names.

"What about them?" Xaden asks, his tone questioning.

"Well... there's, one more thing I needed to tell you about." You say nervously, backing away slowly toward the opening of the cave. As if on cue, both Tairn and Sgael emerge from the treeline, stalking closer as the group follows you toward the enclosure. You take a deep breath, preparing to tell them -- when suddenly, all of their eyes widen, focusing on something just over your shoulder.

You turn, your face apologetic as you take in the prideful expression before you.

Azar emerges from the cave mouth, chin high, as his scales gleam in the early morning sun.

You only turn at the sound of your brother's voice once more.

"You, Riorson, have some explaining to do."

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

[elodieunderglass]

Rotating the Horse Boys in my brain and thought: What if they swapped places? IE: Charlie stuck around to do Horse Stuff and Killie fucked off to Be Happy? What would that look like, given that they'd still be who they are?

(The Horse Boys) Oh my GOD your MIND?!

hi. i don't know. how to feel about this.

press keep reading to continue

Charlie, who is personally committed to aging like milk as a carelessly freckly ginger in his own universe, is... a very different-looking person if he remains in the Horse Universe! Spending more time outside has made him all sunbleached and sundamaged, and this AU has put different lines on his face; not all mean, but different.

A core part of Charlie's character is that he isn't naturally an especially nice person; he makes the conscious choice to be kind, but he's a lot colder and more ruthless than Killie, so it's a choice he has to make CONSTANTLY, and would quite like a gold star for, actually! (Does anyone ever NOTICE the MASSIVE EFFORTS that Charlie makes to be a good, kind, patient person?? NO?? DO YOU NOT REALISE IT IS ALL AN ACT? ARGH.)

This Charlie doesn't worry about that at all. This Charlie is a snide, funny, fast-moving little fuck with a clearer physical resemblance to his father Bill, but an equally clear strain of no-fucks-given political-scheming catty little face from his mother Helena. He remains based at the family training yard in County Meath, being an absolute menace, but a massive change from Killie's circumstances is that Charlie domineers the whole family. Some things remain fixed (Bill is still disabled in a riding accident; Ciara still gets divorced) but in general Charlie has shoved, manoeuvred, manipulated and generally girlbossed his parents, siblings, and a significant portion of the extended family under his thumb, despite not being half the jockey Killie was. Then I realised that Charlie would have realised that too, clawed his way through vet school, instantly annexed Colm for his veterinary assistant/lackey, swung round to claim Uncle Bren and Aunty Blaw's loyalty, got the grandfather on side, and just completely cut Bill's legs from under him, leveraging Killie's exile and his status as The Family Vet in a total takeover bid to become head of the family and chief exec of most of the businesses. Why? Is he planning to take over the training yard? Nope! he just wanted to run all of their lives. He rides, but it's all local stuff - point-to-point and local chases - and probably, lacking Killie's sensitivity, goes hunting💀 Remains unmarried and unattached, knows perfectly well that he's bi, but manages to keep his assignations of all genders neatly hidden; all hookups in Dublin one county over; no kids, didn't even date Pippa. Pent-up, bitter, unhappy, mean: but scattering his energy so successfully in controlling 17 uncontrollable people and 2 stressful careers - essentially Patriarching the Dynasty, despite resolutely not fathering another generation for it - that he manages not to notice for DAYS at a time. Half the reason why Charlie made a calculated multidimensional bid for power was that he reckoned if he did ever get a different-gender partner, he'd have the social capital to carry it off, and everyone will have to deal, because this is Charlie's nation now. (The other half is that he's holding space for Killie to come home, ditto.)

But without his sincerity and warmth and joyful heart, he doesn't seem to be attracting the kind of people that Charlie's still-essential Charlieness would want to settle down with... and he remains enough of himself to realise that, if only subconsciously. So his birth family's all better off around him... at the expense of him not having his own spouses and kids :( oh that's so sad. Charlie loves his kids.

i don't know who this twink is omg

I can see Charlie so clearly but this guy... I don't know him. I mean, Killie's a Sunscreen User, but still. If you remove all the jock from Killie, what remains is almost unrecognisable?? This is Cillian Worthington; he's a very different animal, and I don't know that he's happy, and this is a STRANGER. Unsettling.

When Charlie went into Exile in his home universe, he made some fairly brilliant strategic decisions to avoid the usual fates of homeless queer kids, as well as the private investigators his family hired to get him back. He bolted for England and the evil posh Worthington family, alienated by their rotten daughter Helena for being rancid; they're awful and impossible to live with, but Charlie just wanted a landing pad. Consolidating his plans, buying breathing space, and changing his name, Charlie then springboarded into uni, supporting himself with bartending and music. If Killie did the same... the Worthingtons would welcome him out of spite for Helena, and then more genuinely. But he wouldn't have quite the same savviness and independence, and would find them soul-crushing. Regardless, once he adopted their name, they'd put him in uni and pay all his bills, and he would do weirdly well there - as long as he "kept his nose clean." With fewer temptations to bite, Killie would dutifully keep his nose clean indeed. From there - god! He could actually be an academic. Charlie didn't manage it but jesus CHRIST. Killie probably could.

Dr Cillian Worthington, pretending he isn't constantly fighting his demons, not setting foot in the countryside or looking at animals because it will remind him of his Horselessness. He wouldn't be able to deal with the Horselessness, and he would not be able to get enough capital to get any horses at all, and if he can't have them there's no point breaking his heart wanting them. A clean break is better. Put all horsiness into a box and punt it into the sun.

There would be a scene where Killie just snapped and stole a horse and it ALL CAME BACK OUT.

And another scene where they were reunited, and Killie could break Charlie down completely by just saying calmly, "You used to love music."

[callsign-rogueone]

the archives // Fourth Wing masterlist

welcome to the fourth wing.

these are all reader inserts, using the second person “you”. everything about a certain series, including my fics and things I’ve reblogged that fit their vibe, will be tagged as “#Garrick and Angel”, “#Brennan and Duchess”, etc. see this post for further information. requests are currently CLOSED / VERY SLOW until I get more caught up, but my ask box is always open to chat about FW, the girlfriends, or whatever! last updated: 2.19.25

standalone fics / headcanons

Aaric Graycastle - intimacy alphabet Bodhi Durran - by your side - where were you in the morning? - not that bad at all - the night we met - intimacy alphabet - fractured - defective 🆕 Brennan Sorrengail - you're somebody else - this is me trying - intimacy alphabet - older (agegap!Bren) - you called - rest - defective (platonic) 🆕 Dain Aetos - midnight snow - part of the family - intimacy alphabet Garrick Tavis - all the small things - intimacy alphabet - one for the books Imogen Cardulo - the dress Liam Mairi - harvest day - intimacy alphabet 🆕 1. the spider 2. one too many 3. change of plans Mira Sorrengail - reunited - mercy Ridoc Gamlyn - not joking - love at first fight Xaden Riorson - a brief history of Navarre - intimacy alphabet - together 1. i wish i hated you all fourth wing boys: - excuses, excuses - under the weather - that time of the month - bedtime 🆕 - pet 🆕 all fourth wing boys + girls - study season random thoughts about multiple boys - dragon rings - xaden's birthday

girlfriendverse

Sawyer and Peach masterlist

Liam and Spark masterlist - relationship questions

Garrick and Angel about Angel 1. keep her safe 2. resson (garrick's version) 3. letters from samara 4. what was I made for? 4.5 thank you (optional spicy chapter in the middle of #4) - misc relationship asks - together (platonic Angel / Gare / Xaden) - he can call me angel if he wants to

Brennan and Duchess about Duchess 1. the last six years 2. allies 3. fireproof 4. the chess game - this is me trying - braids - relationship questions - thoughts about her and Xaden - thoughts about her rings - thoughts about "their songs"

Ridoc and Sweetheart about Sweetheart 1. love at first fight 2. like snow on the beach 3. questions 🆕 4. not alone - relationship questions

Bodhi and Darling (no particular reading order) about Darling - not that bad at all - by your side - the night we met - deja vu - glad it was you

Dain and Love about Love 1. falling, floating, flying 2. reunification day

Aaric and Sunny 1. conscription day 2. assessments

misc girlfriend stuff - modern!girlfriends' music tastes

poly fics

Dain + Xaden - our girl Ridoc + Sawyer 1. hey roomie Garrick + Bodhi - three in the morning Xaden + Liam - liam's lesson

not reader inserts

Garrick / Sloane - wrong to love you Ridoc and Sawyer - lean on me 🆕

[aesterblaster]

Sleepin Demons

How Blue Lock characters wake up from nightmares/How you can comfort them [Gender neutral reader]

Tropes: Reverse Comfort, Fluff/Angst, Established Relationship, and general warnings for some gore and mentions of flashbacks along with implied sexual harassment

Characters: Almost All Of Them Lol

Songs: Insecure - Bren Joy // Coffee for Dinner - Orion Sun // Broken Clocks - SZA

The Silent Type + Actual Memories

It's the same one again. He's right back where he started. Unloved, unknown, left out of everything. The pangs of hunger run through him like a freight train as he desperately runs from room to room in his childhood home...But there's no nourishment. Someone calls his name but all he feels is fear at being recognized, he cowers as a figure rounds the corner and says his name again. "You think you could get away from me? Huh?" It could be anyone, a parent, someone he used to owe money to, an old abusive coach, all he knows is what comes next is going to hurt. "Are you fucking crying? You're so pathetic, soon everyone else will see that just like I always have!" The floor begins to sag and give way, everything creases in on itself. His brain feels like it's going to explode.

When he wakes up- his brain still feels as if it's too big for his skull, pushing against the edges like it's trying to find its way out. But he doesn't groan in pain, and he doesn't move. You're next to him after all, breathing softly. The moonlight grounds him, your hand against his side grounds him, he is safe now. The best thing you can do is stay asleep. He isn't ready to talk and admit that he's weak (or even worse...the fact that it is okay to be weak sometimes), not yet. For now he just snuggles against you and quietly brushes away any residual tears, thanking everything he believes in that he's here with you now.

Kaiser, Hiori, Naruhaya, Noa, Lorenzo

The Silent Type + More Abstract Fears

Slow. Everything was moving so fucking slow around him. His body was falling apart. Every sinew, every cell, every fucking atom of his being was breaking down and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Was this what he was truly destined for, dust to dust? Strangely enough, it didn't hurt, everything was calm. He was dying, so what? Every star burns out. And then, as sharp as a clap of thunder, the pain arrived. In his heart, not his body. Images of friends, family, trophies, all the things he hadn't done yet and you surged through his head. No, he couldn't die, not yet! He gripped his arm, but it was already turning to dust. Irrelevant and forgotten.

He's almost surprised when he wakes up, remembers that that would be impossible. Wants to scoff at himself for being afraid of something that could never happen. But the truth is, he is going to die someday, no matter how big of a star he is. He watches you twitch in your sleep, obviously disturbed by how he jerked awake, and curls his arms around you. He presses his face to the top of your head and breathes you in, silently begging you to drift back into a deeper sleep. He just needs to savor every moment with you and stop worrying, he tells himself.

Snuffy, Nagi, Ego, Aryu, Reo, Kuon, Chris, Jin

Wakes Up Screaming + Needs Reassurance

Why was this happening? You were in his arms, covered in blood, he was covered in blood; It was everywhere. The cheering from the fans turned into screaming, that's when he should've stopped and had the damn sense to look around. Instead, he kept running and dribbling down the field, confused why nobody was stopping him. He didn't see you falling from the stands until you were right in front of him. Your arm twisted first, then your neck, the rest of you followed. Why was this happening? "No, no, no, no...(Y/N). Get help! What the fuck are you all standing around for?!" He took off his jersey and tried to stop the bleeding but it wasn't enough, you were already going cold. He was powerless.

"I said get help-!!" he roared. "Oh..oh fuck." He suddenly wasn't holding your limp body anymore, he was in his- your room. The smell of blood disappeared. He glanced over and made eye contact with you. "Are you okay? You're shaking like a leaf!" "No..can you, can you just come here?" He crushes you in a bear hug as soon as you do. Even when he lets up, he opts to hold your hand instead. He makes you tell him about your day, because he got in late when you were already asleep. He tells you how much he loves you and recounts the day you two met just to stop his heart from bursting. "S-sorry I woke you up, I just- I needed that."

Ness, Niko, Aoshi, Sendo, Gagumaru, Igaguri, Kurona

Wakes Up Screaming + Needs Some Space

The first thing he notices is that he can't breathe. The second thing he notices is that he is in a hospital. "No, I don't think he will ever be able to speak or move again." a voice he doesn't recognize claims. Someone is choking him and he can't stop them. It's himself, rabid, foaming at the mouth. The doppelganger realizes he's been caught and tightens his grip. "That's right, that's what you fucking get for ignoring yourself. You don't even fucking eat enough and you want to be a star, huh? You keep betraying yourself." His neck is lifted from the cold pillow. "And betraying yourself!" It's slammed back down. He wants to tell him to stop, to say anything, but he can't.

He wakes up like he's been jolted back to life by electricity, doesn't even realize he's screaming. "Baby, baby you're okay! It's okay." He feels your hands around him and feels ashamed instead of relieved. What the fuck was that?! "Just go back to sleep, I'll be back." You open your mouth to argue but he shakes his head. "Please." This is nothing you can help him with, he needs to take care of himself and he knows it. Can't keep relying on others to pull him out. He takes a cold shower and comes back to bed hours later, slipping next to you. "I'm sorry I scared you." is all he says as his hands glide over your back. It's best if you just accept his apology, you'll never fully understand the war he's having with himself.

Chigiri, Kenyu, Kunigami, Kira, Sae, Barou

You Wake Him Up + It's Not Okay

Of course he knows this is a fucking dream, how could it not be? The overwhelming lights, the strange woman putting her hands on his chest. He knows exactly what this is about too. The paparazzi have gotten way too comfortable following both you and him around, they keep asking invasive questions and posting up outside of your house. The lack of privacy should be illegal. "You're famous now, you should like this you ungrateful piece of shit." a voice hisses in his ear as another pair of hands massages his shoulders. He tenses and struggles, but more hands appear, grabbing at his clothes. They tear pieces away from him with no remorse and something deep inside of him wishes it could end- Scratch that, every part of him wishes this would end, the violation, the rumors, the-

"Hey! Are you alright? I think..I think that you were having a nightmare." He gasps, so the feeling of hands on his chest were yours. Everything that was tensed relaxes, it was just you. That doesn't stop all his feelings from welling up along with tears. "Can you not touch me right now?" God, he wishes you wouldn't look at him like that. "Are you crying?" "No." He slips out of bed and checks the curtains, he can't shake the feeling of foreign hands on every part of him, not just his chest. Disgust curls and uncurls in his stomach. Why couldn't he just fight back on his own in his own damn head? "There's no one out there-" "How do you know!? Huh?" he demands, a whole lot louder than he meant to. "Fuck wait..I'm sorry. This week has just been a lot." You two end up having a long and needed talk that night.

Lavinho, Reo, Oliver, Rin, Raichi, Tabito

You Wake Him Up + It's Okay

He has been walking in circles for hours. Each loop, though, something changes. At first it was funny, (someone's head would balloon to an impossible size or a sign would read a curse word instead of an actual street name, for example) but now he was just tired. He couldn't sit down though or this burning pain would shoot through him...Just like in the real world, if he ever stopped shining, if he ever stopped moving forward, he'd get this feeling like he wasn't doing enough. Even on vacations there would be a gnawing sense that he was running from his rightful title. All he needed was the spotlight, even if it took so much fucking effort to get there. Practicing the same kicks over and over again, walking in circles, looking for what would excite him next-

"Please stop kicking me..." you groan and he wakes up instantly. Honestly, he didn't realize how terrifying his dream was until he's lucid. "Was I kicking you? Sorry... I just had the weirdest dream, it was like I kept walking in circles and I couldn't stop." "Maybe that's your brain telling you to take a break and stop treating my shin like a soccer ball." You two continue to make light of it and the more he talks about it with you, the more relaxed he gets. He's going to be just fine, especially with you by his side. "Mnh, good night." you finally whisper, cuddling up against him and tangling your leg with his in a final attempt to prevent any future attacks. "Good night." He watches you fall asleep with love in his eyes and wonders how a job obsessed weirdo like him managed to land someone as perfect as you.

Bachira, Loki, Isagi, Shidou, Nanase, Otoya, Zantetsu,

[thestressedsimmer]

[aspiringsophrosyne]

The Mighty Nein: Weird Coincidences.

I've been compiling these here and there when I've had time, but there was a particular reason I wanted to get this post out of the way now. And it's this.

There's been some nervousness surrounding this, and I'm of two minds about it. On the one hand, people overstate just how hard the Nein's story would be to adapt and how much it would need to be changed for another medium. Can it be one-to-one with the original? Absolutely not. (Just as TLOVM couldn't be one-to-one either.) But the main issue is editing; the content is fine on its own.

And if this is the CRew themselves thinking the same thing, that's a little troubling, because it makes it sound like they might be changing more than they need to out of that unfounded fear.

On the other hand, all they might be talking about here is hindsight. The Mighty Nein's Campaign had a lot of strange coincidences, fortuitous thematic consistencies, and one-of-a-kind moments. The CRew is poised to reap the benefits of having these in mind ahead of time. This allows for some remarkable set-up and payoff if those involved are up to the challenge. Which, in the end, could be all they might be augmenting the story to do.

So maybe it's a good time to get into those weird coincidences, huh?

(Spoilers for basically all of Campaign 2 below the cut.)

Names

Veth Brenatto, her alias Bren, and Caleb’s original name: Bren. (This may have been inspired by the German word "Brennen",  which means “to burn”. Thanks Liam.)

Fjord Stone. Cad’s families: Clay, Dust and Stone. How the Wild Mother fits the story of an orphaned sailor like a glove. And how Cad, his family history, and likely the Wild Mother herself never would’ve entered the story if Molly hadn’t died.

A Mollymawk (spelled with a w instead of a u) is a type of albatross. Albatrosses are supposed to be unlucky, but only if you kill one. Per the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, everything goes to shit after a sailor kills an albatross. Molly’s death is just as unlucky, as it paves the way for Lucien's and Cognouza’s return. (In a meta sense, it’s also unfortunate for Matt and Taliesin, as it derails whatever plans they might have had for the character.)

Nine

Whelp.

Nine. Lots and lots of nines. And while Nein doesn’t mean nine in German/Zemnian (it means no), the wordplay works.

Nine schools of magic.

Nine people killed in Obann’s attack on the Cobalt Soul in Zadash.

The three titans (Uk’otoa, Quajath, and Desirat) collectively have nine eyes and nine crystals to unlock them and set them all free.

Nine hells.

Nine betrayer gods as of Vecna’s ascension.

Nine eye tattoos on Molly, each a mark of the Somnovem, the sleeping nine.

And of course, eventually, nine members of the Mighty Nein.

(Just for fun, Tharizdun’s sacred number in its premier in Greyhawk was 333. [3+3+3=?].)

Nein and its actual meaning work thematically as well. The Nein repeatedly clashes with forces and entities that want to mold them against their will into vessels they can use for their own purposes. And the group repeatedly says “Nein!” to that.

Tarot Readings

Molly deliberately pulls specific cards for his readings. Taliesin makes that explicit. However, some folks have pointed out that you can interpret his original reading for Jester where he tells her “You’ve already found what you’re looking for,” to be true in a few different ways. (She’s already found the people who will help her find her father. She’s discovered the company she sought that she only ever had with her Mamma and the Traveler prior, etc.)

But once we get to Jester’s readings, things really pop off. (Pop-pop off?)

Fjord's Reading

In episode 110, Jester draws two cards for Fjord: one for his present and one for his future. His present card is the Eye, which has two hands holding an eye above a restless sea.

There’s no need to elaborate on how that relates to Fjord’s then-present.

His future card is the Home And Traveler. This card could work for all the Nein if you interpret it as someone who will find or reach their home after some travel. But it hits especially hard for Fjord, who finds a home with Jester, the devotee of the Traveler, on a ship that travels up and down the coast.

And then...

Lucien's Reading

The three cards Jester pulls for Lucien are his past, present, and future. Even at the time, they seem pretty fitting.

His past: History and a Dream, which Taliesin clarifies as depicting the Calamity. This fits perfectly with the Tomb Takers’ previous job for DeRogna and their coming into the Somnovem’s patronage.

His present: the Tyrant. We don’t know either Lucien or his goals too well at this point, but we do know he and his troupe kill indiscriminately and he holds an unnatural sway over the other Tomb Takers.

His future: the Death Card. You can attribute that to the upcoming fight between him and the Nein.

But in hindsight...whoo boy. In hindsight, not only do we know of Lucien’s plans to dispatch the Somnovem and become the Tyrant king of Cognouza and all its lost, broken souls, but we know of his fall. More specifically, who he falls to.

Jester, sitting across from him, pulls his last card and tells him “Facing you is Death.”

And then it’s Miss Lavorre who ends him for good.

Divine Intervention

Generally, a Divine Intervention is a Hail Mary. You roll a d100 (or an equivalent combination of dice) and only if you roll a number below your level do you trigger it. Logically, this gets easier the higher your level gets, but you can’t rely on it until level 20.

Taliesin rolls three of these for Cad in the last quarter of the Campaign. And that’s cool enough. But what’s even better is the Wild Mother’s Grave Cleric rolls successfully for Divine Intervention every time he makes a request (knowingly or not) relating to Cognouza. The city that's coming to swallow Melora's Exandria whole.

The first successful roll comes when Cad seeks info about Vokodo, the pseudo-god of the island of Rumblecusp. Vokodo, it turns out, punched a hole through the Astral Plane to escape the hunger of the lost ward of Aeor. And upon its death, it gives a vision that sets the Nein on Lucien’s trail.

The second success comes when the Nein is attempting to uncover the Tomb Takers' secret entrance to Aeor so that they can use it to set a trap. Cad’s success tells them exactly where they need to go. This allows them to get Zoran, Otis, and Tyffial out of the way early, even if it doesn’t stop Cree and Lucien from continuing towards the city.

As for the third, well...we all know what the third does. That it prevails after Critical Role’s first Resurrection Ritual failure, (due to a natural 1 no less!) is just the icing on the cake.

Caduceus even makes the point that Cognouza had functionally become a corpse that was unable to die and that he was uniquely called upon, given his family’s business, to put it down for good.

Odds and Ends

Nott distracts a Manticore from killing Fjord by killing its baby. Her own child ends up in need of a resurrection later on in the story, during their trip to the Fire Plane. Speaking of which, a painting of said Plane can be observed in Trent's house. You know, the one he would end up chasing the Nein to?

Fjord loses his chance to break the first seal to Avantika; he lands the first attack on her Revenant incarnation when the Nein catches up to her after she escapes with his orb, and he gets the final blow on her there, recovering said orb as he does.

Yasha and Caleb are the most susceptible to the Succubus/Incubus mind control. In the former's case, this could be chalked up to her low Wisdom score...but it also serves as some neat accidental foreshadowing for her time with Obann. And for Caleb, it can be a callback to his time learning under Trent.

The Circus Kids' stories sync up perfectly. Both of their bodies end up puppeteered by someone from their respective pasts. Both of them are used to try to end the world. And, probably once Matt noticed this synchronicity himself, both are revealed to have fallen under the sway of the Chained Oblivion. And their stories didn't have to go this way. Molly didn't have to die, and Matt revealed that Yasha could've theoretically made that wisdom save against Obann's control in the King's Cage. But that's not how things turned out.

Accidental foreshadowing:

Episode 19, Molly and Yasha, after acquiring an item from an Orc hermit living somewhat off the side of the road:

Molly: We made a friend. Jester: Did you kill someone for that? Molly: Yes. Yasha: He’s dead. Molly: He’s very dead. And then he rose up from the grave again and we had to kill him again. Twice. Same man.

Also, in episode 23, after meeting the Syphilis Bandits again and leaving one of them out cold:

Jester: What if we put some flowers in his hair; so when he wakes up, he looks really pretty? Beau: That’s good. Let’s do that. Molly: There’s nothing better than waking up in the morning with no pants and flowers in your hair.

In episode 48, Yussa and Caleb have a conversation:

Caleb: Sometimes I follow my friends places I shouldn’t. Yussa: That might someday get you killed. Or may one day get you what you seek.

Following a certain Tiefling up to Eiselcross got him both.

Nott also asks Caleb in this episode if he has an eye on his forehead. This is probably a callback/joke about Scanlan’s blessing from Ioun, but it foreshadows what happens to Veth much later.

Episode 49, about Ludinus Da’leth and in particular, Vess DeRogna:

Fjord: Then we kill the two elves. Jester: Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Maybe we go up into their room at night or something and just, you know... Stabby stab.

Episode 70:

Jester (to Essek): Maybe you’ll like us so much you’ll just hang out.

Dramatic Irony:

Everything the Nein say about Molly after his death and at his grave is, in hindsight, an awful twist of the knife, as his body's former life is far from finished with him.

Episode 41. The Nein learns Orly can make magic tattoos. Beau talks about getting an eye tattoo on her back to mirror Molly’s:

Jester: I mean, I don’t know, maybe it was really sacred to him and he would be really super offended by it. Beau: Oh, yeah, maybe it would, like I stole it from him? Jester: But it’s fine, I’m sure. Beau: Yeah, you know, he’s dead, so, what’s he going to do?

Almost a hundred episodes later, Beau's new tattoo gets a little addition...

Episode 65

Jester: Are you nervous? Yasha: Yeah. Yeah, I’m nervous. I just don’t know what we’re walking into, you know? Jester: Yeah. We’ve got your back though. That guy isn’t going to do anything bad to you.

Episode 91

Veth asks Essek at dinner if he’s heard of a Nonagon, or someone named Lucien. Essek says he hasn’t. This won't be the case for long.

Episode 95

Jester, talking about Cad and the Wild Mother:

Jester: Yeah. So like, when he asks her questions, you know what she does? Artagan: “Nothing?” Jester: She blows the wind. Exactly, she does shit. So and he’s like, “I sensed, you know, I understand what she’s saying.” She’s not doing anything, but he thinks she is.

This commentary is particularly delicious, considering which Cleric's Divine Interventions end up working.

And there's probably some I've missed! These are just the little bits and pieces I jotted down during a rewatch. It wouldn't surprise me if there's more.

But that's to say, just what we've got here is a monumental amount of things to build off of and play with. The Mighty Nein's animated series has the potential to be something extraordinary if the CRew can make use of all these little gifts deftly and with subtlety. There's power and potential here, and I am nervous as hell about whether or not they can tap into it successfully.

[crtakespropogandist]

It's buck wild to me that it's so popular to imagine a Bren-who-didn't-break in a romance with Essek, or in a version of the Blumentrio where Astrid is the worst influence.

When Liam said Shadowgast Killing Eve AU, he wasn't talking about Villanelle and Eve parallels, and he definitely wasn't talking about Darth Bren. When Liam explained Caleb's instinct to manipulate Essek, people somehow took said explanation to mean that Bren was specialized in honeypotting/seduction, which, no. Bren the Volstrucker would be way more inclined towards a different kind of heat.

In the "Waldhexe" narrative, which Liam confirmed was analogous to Trent and the Blumentrio, Astrid lost one eye, whereas Eadwulf lost "much of" his brain, and Bren lost his whole heart. Astrid shared a final meal with her parents, whereas Eadwulf gave his a confrontation, and Bren killed his parents without entering the house, no thought spared for the family cat. Astrid defied Trent during the final battle, whereas Eadwulf had to be neutralized, and Bren would have killed Trent in his sleep for not abdicating to him soon enough. Every bit of content screams that Astrid is the best influence on Volstrucker Blumentrio, ambition and all. Without Caleb's new perspective, Astrid's view of the world is the most nuanced, and she is the most open to change.

I know it's not comfortable to imagine one moment capable of consigning Caleb's character to heartlessness, especially when that moment was sprung on him as an abused child. Especially when Astrid and Eadwulf's experience of that moment didn't define their respective capacities for redemption. Especially when Essek, having committed worse sins under less extenuating circumstances, is easily saved.

But the reality of a disordered mind is far from comfortable, and Caleb's struggle, as per Liam's comments, is one I know well. Caleb's OCD is much milder than mine given how he's now plenty functional and happy ohne Drogen (idk German), but one of the hallmarks of the diagnosis places Caleb "Magical Thinking" Widogast amongst the multiple CR PCs who are also puns*.

"I was so sure, until I wasn't." OCD made it impossible for Bren to tolerate that whisper of doubt the way Astrid and Eadwulf could. The implications were universal to Bren, all encompassing. He had to embrace that doubt as valid, or reject it as impossible. His mind failed to do either right then and there, and it broke him. When he was restored, that whisper of doubt was confirmed, and an OCD spiral of rumination entrenched in soon-to-be-Caleb the conviction that he is Bad and he deserves Bad. Nothing he does can ever reflect well on his true self, but cognitive dissonance sure rears its head when he joins the Nein, because Caleb is very smart despite OCD not caring about that.

OCD, like the Sith, only deals in absolutes. Bren the Volstrucker would not be among the jaded-but-resigned, morally grey operatives Astrid and Eadwulf became. Bren, having rejected that whisper of doubt, would rationalize away anything incongruent with the conviction that he is Good and he deserves Good. Nothing he does can ever reflect poorly on his true self, and cognitive dissonance would be kept at bay by well-articulated justifications that seamlessly build off of Trent's core teachings, because Bren is still very smart. Essek isn't still that hot, though. Cricks are enemies, and enemies are disgusting. The OCD, however mild, is stronger than the peen.

*Fjord "Texblade" Stone, Jester "Blue Healer" Lavorre, Ashton "Punk Rock" Greymoore, Fresh "One" Cut "Eyed" Grass "Monster", Imogen "Imagine Tumult" Temult

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Hidden Gems 9: A Shadowgast Rec list

This week we have the ninth (nein!) hidden gem rec list. Check under the cut for nine (nein again!) fics with less than 150 kudos- and don't forget to kudos and comment if you enjoy them!

On bad decisions, friendship and falling in love by Ivelostmyspectacles (1778, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

An introspection from Essek after he confesses to the Mighty Nien.

Reccer says: This a really well written one shot about how Essek is doing and feeling after he confesses. This is honestly my head canon for post ep. 97

PART I: the force required for movement by LivThael (9449, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek Thelyss is know for his exceptional research, cold demeanor and indifference. Being the most intelligent man in the room he‘s seldom intrigued by other researchers. But Bren's presence alone angers something in Essek. It’s like the man is actively trying to aggravate him.

Reccer says: An amazing fic, nerds being nerds.

hopeless enough by 06151126 (4697, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes, Choose Not to Warn

Essek, a racer, his crew fails him during the season and he goes looking for a new mechanic. Caleb can't help but show off.

Reccer says: It is such an interesting AU, but the vibes are all their. And I love me a little haughty but can't help be impressed and curious Essek and a can't help but show off Caleb. And of course protective and will always talk up her boy Veth. Also, it's part of a series!

The Sheep and the Shadowhand by Dragonslaeyr (7897, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

On the walk from the citadel to the firmaments, Caleb reflects on his husband, the shadowhand, and tries to fend of questions from the Mighty Nein.

Reccer says: It has the best of everything, Shadowgast, secret relationship, pestering of the Nein and sexual tension.

psychopomp by hydraxx (3357, General) Reccer's Content Notes: Choose Not to Warn

Essek returns to Blumenthal through the centuries after Caleb's death: a story of grief as told through the eyes of the local innkeepers.

Reccer says: I loved tracking the changes in both Essek and the worldbuilding over time! The outsider POV is a really interesting approach.

Chasing After Phantoms Of Your Former Self by Luuuna03 (9848, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Around 150 years after the end of the campaign, Essek starts hearing Jester's voice in his head But that's impossible. After all, Jester died almost half a century ago...

Reccer says: A great tearjerker, bittersweet in the best of ways.

Our Season of Fire by LivThael (21530, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Both Caleb and Essek are hoping to get lost in the sunny city of Nicodranas. They find each other, as well as a new family made of friends that care for them.

Reccer says: I keep thinking about this fic, even months after I first read it. I love the characterization and the realistic depiction of mental health issues. It's written in such a gentle and loving way and the ending always warms my heart. It's one of my favorite fics ever.

The night shift by Ghost Particles (Ghostparticles) (27273, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Choose Not to Warn

The Mighty Nein are agents working for the Dynasty, and Essek is their handler and very much not in love with the agent who keeps bringing him unasked for gifts from every mission. The agent is Caleb of course.

Reccer says: I was shocked to find out it had less than 150 kudos. It is such a good fic, modern times with magic but following Essek's POV and his love for the mighty nein and his worries when they are in danger and he can't help. And the shadowgast is great, very much like the show the awkward flirting with lots of nothing happening until the climax.

Before the Dawn Breaks by Ofthedirewolves (1746, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Post 111 , Caleb and Essek talk before the big battle.

Reccer says: It’s very sweet and definitely deserves more love! It’s canon for me now since we didn’t really get one.

This is one of our weekly communally-generated shadowgast rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. 

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring fics that feature soup! Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!

[brennacedria]

God, today has been A Fucking Day and it's not even 11am yet

[aeoris4lovers]

when caleb is talking to the nein about his past before the dinner with trent, he tells them that in the time he spent under trent, astrid and wulf never wavered in their dedication or willingness. after rereading his origins comic, though, i think he’s wrong. i think there was a pretty significant period of time where eadwulf specifically was having doubts about what they were doing right in front of his eyes.

exhibit a: the bodies

this is the most subtle example of it, but it’s also the earliest and probably represents the very beginnings of whatever doubts were brewing in wulf’s mind.

in both of these instances, there’s a dead or unconscious body on the ground, and wulf is staring at it while bren talks to trent. it’s hard to tell where he’s looking in the second one, but a later frame makes it clear that he’s looking in the direction of a body.

in the first one particularly, he looks to me like he’s visibly upset — his face isn’t as stoic as the others, and his body language looks uncertain, not his usual crossed-arm stance.

these were the moments that first caught my eye. they brought up questions in my mind: what is he thinking? what’s going through his head as he looks at the people they just hurt?

exhibit b: the bath scene

this comes immediately after the second body, and is what confirmed in my mind that wulf definitely isn’t entirely on board with the things they’re being told to do.

he closes the door behind them and just stands with his fist against it. none of them look happy by any means, but it’s clear that he’s upset to a point where even bren and astrid, in the midst of their own feelings, look concerned and go to comfort him.

bren in particular takes a long moment with him before the two of them rejoin astrid. i’ll get into why that — and bren’s role in general — is significant in a moment.

exhibit c: the morning after

this is the most important point in all of this, and the significance of his reaction here really can’t be understated.

in this moment, trent has just drawn their attention to their “memories” of their parents defying the empire. these are, from their point of view, very real and undeniable memories. and yet, the reaction we see here from wulf is one of explicit and absolute rejection.

and he’s not just denying what trent wants him to believe — he’s angry. he’s standing up and slamming a hand on table and raising his voice. doubt has been simmering under the surface in him for a while now, and this is the moment that trent crosses a line. trent has presented something truly unthinkable to him and despite his own memories supporting it, he absolutely cannot believe it. on a very visceral level, he knows it can’t be right.

this moment is significant not only because it confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt that wulf is not completely sure of what they’re doing, but also because we literally never see another student of trent openly defy him like this, nor do we see any volstrucker do so.

let me repeat that: until caleb goes up against him with the nein, eadwulf is the only person we ever see look trent in the eye and say “you’re wrong.” even after all of campaign two, we never see someone actively working under him defy him that explicitly — it’s only caleb, who escaped his control, or people like the nein with no real connection to him. even when astrid acts against him, she does it very quietly and is clearly terrified of those actions being alluded to at the dinner. wulf is the only one we ever see who, while at trent’s mercy, dares to openly and completely reject him.

bringing his family into it was a step too far. at this point, wulf isn’t just struggling with what they’re being told — he’s absolutely not having it anymore.

so what gives?

we know that he ultimately believes trent enough to kill his parents, and is even the first of the three to do it, so how do we get to that level of agreement from such a powerful moment of anger and denial?

that’s where bren comes in.

looking back at that breakfast scene, we can also see how the other two react to their own memories coming to light.

astrid’s is one of betrayal. she’s confused and struggling to understand why they would do it, but she doesn’t deny it either.

bren’s, on the other hand, is one of defeat. he’s clearly upset, but he’s simultaneously totally certain that what they’re remembering is true. and of course he is — his memory has been impeccable his entire life. why would he start to question it now, even if he doesn’t want to believe what it’s telling him?

bottom line: while astrid clearly also struggles with it and may have her own doubts, though not as strong as wulf’s, bren takes it all in stride and never wavers.

and if there’s one thing we know about wulf, it’s that he trusts his people. throughout his scenes in campaign two, we see him looking to astrid for signs of what to do or say and deferring to her when he’s overwhelmed by or unsure of the situation at hand. when caleb takes his hand at the blooming grove, he follows, and when astrid takes his hand and leads him away, he follows her. where they go, he follows. he trusts them implicitly and he looks to them when he doesn’t know what the right call is.

so what is he going to do in that moment, when his own mind is telling him something that he absolutely can’t believe and he doesn’t know how to reconcile it? he looks to them for guidance.

astrid clearly isn’t in a place to offer much, and hasn’t been. she’s not as lost in doubt as he is, but she’s not certain enough to reassure him either. we can already see that in the bath scene — remember when i said it was significant that bren is the one to stay with wulf while astrid goes off on her own? she wants to comfort him and tries to because she cares about him, but it seems that her conviction isn’t quite strong enough to be a steady base for someone else. and in the breakfast scene, we see that again, with her not openly going against it but still struggling with it in a way bren doesn’t.

bren, on the other hand, is consistently certain that they’re doing the right thing, even when it feels bad. caleb says as much himself when he first tells beau and nott his story: “i was so sure, i was so sure, until i wasn’t.” hearing his parents scream as they die is genuinely the first time he ever has doubts. until that moment, he’s sure. he trusts his mind and he trusts trent and he believes in their cause.

so when he sees wulf struggling with it, what does he do? he offers that certainty, reminds him of why they’re doing what they do, assures him that they’re doing the right thing and he doesn’t have to feel guilty. he’s their rock, the one wulf and astrid can trust to be sure even when their faith is shaken.

and that’s exactly what i think happens in the time between that breakfast and the night they kill their parents: bren sees wulf angry and totally lost trying to make sense of the massive gulf between what he remembers and what he knows to be true, he sees astrid confused and not able to put the pieces together, and he reassures them because he trusts his mind and so do they and he doesn’t want to see them struggle.

and i think astrid needs less convincing, but once she’s sure too and it’s only wulf that can’t accept it, that’s when he starts to think that maybe the unthinkable could really be true. bren is certain of what he remembers and astrid is certain that bren is right, so how can wulf, who trusts and relies on them so much for guidance, not at least entertain the idea that his parents really are traitors? how can he deny it and, in doing so, deny them?

that’s how he can ultimately go and do what he’s told, with such a stern and certain look on his face as he does. because his people were sure that it was the right thing to do, and no matter how strongly he feels that something must be wrong, he trusts them even more than he trusts himself.

that’s not to say that his doubts are completely quelled, though, because there’s still more of this thread that we can follow.

exhibit d: the aftermath

wulf’s move to knock bren out and save astrid is a quick and decisive one in the moment, but it’s clear that he isn’t at all sure if he did the right thing. he talks to trent — explaining himself, maybe even apologizing because he thinks he was wrong — and trent has to stop him and say that no, he was right.

this is significant for two reasons. the first and more obvious of the two is that this shows he’s still in a headspace of questioning what he’s doing almost immediately after doing it. that doubt was quelled long enough to allow him to complete the “exercise”, but not by any means gone for good.

the second, which i think is the most important to the person he ultimately becomes, is that this is the first time he’s had to look to trent for reassurance.

before this moment, it’s bren and astrid who comfort and reassure him. but now, bren is lost to them and astrid is in no shape to offer any comfort, much less give him the reassurance bren might have. and she might not want to do so even if she could — she wanted to save bren, not leave him behind, and may very well be angry at wulf for the choice he made. so what choice does he have, with neither of them able to support him, but to look to his mentor for reassurance?

and what happens once he gets that reassurance from trent? before, he doubted trent and even openly defied him, but can he continue to do that now?

if he wants to be able to live with himself after, to live with the choice he made and sleep at night, he has to believe that the reassurance trent offered him that night was right — he has to believe that trent’s judgment is right. if trent is lying or just wrong, that means he did the wrong thing that night, and where can he go from there?

that night is a turning point for wulf not just because he took his parents out of the picture, but because he made a decision that ended up forcing him to trust trent to an extent that he really didn’t before.

the new eadwulf

the wulf that we meet in campaign two as an adult is a far cry from the wulf who stood up at that table and said “no, they would never.” he comes across as largely apathetic to and even comfortable with the things they do — it’s just a job for him, not something to overthink or get hung up on. as far as he’s concerned, the lives they take are unfortunate but still necessary sacrifices, just like trent always said.

and if you ask me, his journey to becoming that person, to the doubt and the fire in him being all but completely stomped out, starts with the night he was forced to give up his one source of constant reassurance and finally put his trust in trent instead. everything we see him do to separate himself from his actions, from his belief in fate and his “good soldier” attitude to the drink he has ready after spending time with trent, stems from that moment. he is the way he is when we meet him not because he simply doesn’t care, but because he can no longer afford to.

caleb says they never wavered while he was with them, but i think it’s only because his vision was clouded by his own certainty that he never saw it. he just couldn’t believe that they might not believe in their cause as much as he did because it seemed so right to him, and how could he believe that the people he loved would doubt something so important?

but they did doubt it, especially wulf, and even as an adult, little bits of that stick around in him — he immediately gravitates toward caduceus after caduceus stands up to trent, and as soon as trent isn’t a threat anymore, he’s perfectly content to just stay with caleb (and probably would have if astrid hadn’t pulled him away when she did).

i think, if bren hadn’t been selected for the volstrucker program or just hadn’t been as confident as he was in all of it, it may very well have been eadwulf who found himself standing against trent in the end.

[asexxxualerotica]

Concept: AU where Caleb’s father was rewarded for his service in the Righteous Brand by getting a position in Nicodranas for a few years, and little boy Caleb (named Bren) ended up meeting and befriending little girl Jester (named Genevieve), and they agree to be penpals when his family moves back to the empire…until suddenly he stops sending them.

Until one day, in a small pub, a dirty wizard in rags runs into a little blue tiefling obsessed with sweets…