#brb btw!! dinner's here

[zedif-y]

Messaggio in italiano per diversificare l'entrata di ask

Zedaph è un hermit fantastico e adoro il tuo blog

Però devo chiedere, top cinque hermit preferiti da guardare?

Spero di averti intrattenuto un po' di più facendoti tradurre tutto questo :D

SDJJHGKJSDGSDG THIS IS SO FUNNY I LITERALLY OPENED GOOGLE TRANSLATE FOR THIS THANK U ANON (also YES ur so right zed is an amazing hermit<3)

Admittedly i dont Regularly watch a lot of hermits, but this is my top 5:

1.) Zedaph and Impulse (no way im picking between them KJDSGHSDG)

2.) Tango

3.) Gem and/or Pearl

4.) Bdubs

5.) Grian or Mumbo

Some other special mentions are: Scar, Etho, Cleo, and Iskall.

This is WAY more than five, but oh well KSDJHGSD

[undergaunts]

Call Me Baby (Chapter 1)

Sebastian Sallow x Ominis Gaunt (Modern!AU)

Summary: The text chat logs between Sebastian Sallow and Ominis Gaunt during their 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts. (or Sebastian and Ominis can't bear to be apart for longer than 5 minutes, so spend their entire summer, winter and spring breaks texting and calling each other)

Rating: Teen & Up (this will go up in the next chapters!)

Word count: 4.1k

Recommended to read on AO3 as the layout is better but it’s also below the cut <3

SUMMER

July 2nd, 2:08pm

SBSTN hey

Ominis Good morning.

SBSTN morning ?! it’s like 2pm

Ominis I’m aware. I was joking.

SBSTN OH

LMAO

sorry im half awake

Ominis At 2 in the afternoon? What a shock!

SBSTN alright grumpy

just because u already miss me doesn’t mean u can be mean

Ominis I don’t miss you. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.

SBSTN oh im sure

brb breakfast

2:42pm

SBSTN k back

Ominis Did you enjoy your ‘breakfast’?

SBSTN ya it was basically just toast lol

Ominis You’ll spoil your appetite for supper if you eat so late.

SBSTN I could eat more AND still eat dinner

im a growing boy!

Ominis Horizontally or vertically?

SBSTN >:(

gonna ignore that

Anne says hello

Ominis Hello Anne, how are you?

SBSTN she says shes good

she asks how u r

Ominis Well, for where I am, thank you. Missing you already! 

SBSTN HEY >:(

u just said u don’t miss me

Ominis Indeed, but I miss Anne.

SBSTN piss off

she’s laughing at me

ur both bullies

Ominis :)

SBSTN >>>:((((

ok she’s dragging me out, imma leave my phone here cos solomon said he wont buy me a new one if i lose it again lol

speak later ?

Ominis Have a nice time. Speak later.

SBSTN phone?

Ominis If you’d like.

SBSTN kewl

BYE

Ominis Goodbye.

July 6th, 10:19am

SBSTN *image*

LOOK

wait

LOL

sorry

basically we saw this like albino cat and it reminded me and anne of u

it had little beauty marks and stuff as well

u sure ur not in feldcroft?

r u an animagus and u didn’t tell me ?!

Ominis Good morning.

SBSTN MORNING

prev mssgs plz

Ominis I’m most certainly not an animagus Sebastian.

SBSTN no i was joking

ik u wld tell me :P

not the point

CAT!OMINIS

Ominis Yes, very sweet.

SBSTN u ok?

Ominis Never been better.

SBSTN :/

sure ?

Ominis Yes, thank you.

SBSTN ok

sure ur sure

Ominis Yes, Sebastian. I’m perfectly well.

SBSTN Alright

July 9th, 12:30pm

SBSTN any plans the next couple weeks then ?

Ominis Much the same. Sit in my bedroom. Ponder life. I may even dare to eat some food.

SBSTN please eat lol

i can come to little hangleton and hang out if u want me to

@ GAUNT MANOR

lol mad ur family is so rich

Ominis I couldn’t think of anything worse.

SBSTN oi

being srs, floo straight in thru ur fireplace

bam, sebby and omi party time

if i was there u might venture further than ur kitchen lol

Ominis Absolutely not. I would send you straight back.

SBSTN :(

u wound me ominis

Ominis It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I’ve heard word is to.

SBSTN huh

Ominis Apologies. Damned speech to text. I was whispering. Some of these House Elves will report anything. Oh who cares. My mother and father are returning soon. Probably within the next week.

SBSTN oh

sorry :(

Ominis No need. I will do my very best to avoid them.

SBSTN i could still come for a day

b4 they get there

might make the next 2 months a bit bearable if u c me again

well not see me but u know what i mean

1:12pm

SBSTN hello?

Ominis Apologies.

I’d like to see you, but coming here is not a good idea.

SBSTN y?

Ominis You know why.

SBSTN ya but

surely having a friend over is fine right

i am also pureblood btw

Ominis Sebastian.

SBSTN well i am lmao

ik im not rich and there is probably some muggle blood in me from like … 5 centuries ago but

im all wizard, all man B)

anyway surely they aren’t even gonna be there for a few days yet

and even if they turn up i can just

bam floo straight back home

Ominis No.

SBSTN Ominis.

Ominis Sebastian.

I’ve said no. My decision is final.

SBSTN ok :(

Ominis but thank you for caring

July 11th, 6:00pm

Ominis Bye

SBSTN WHAT

WHERE U GOING

dude what

Ominis Sorry. Speech to text is truly not understanding what I’m saying when I whisper. I’m trying to find my laptop, hold on.

SBSTN bruh u scared me

♫i wish u would step back from that ledge my friend♫

that’s probably not funny but i laughed

comedy with sebastian sallow

one night only

Ominis ok on laptop now. sorry if typing is bad

SBSTN terrible :’(

Ominis what wrong?

SBSTN LOL

when you do speech 2 text i can hear u speaking in my head but when ur typing u just sound like me

Ominis easier to tyoe this way

SBSTN hell yeah brother

Ominis don’t call me tht

SBSTN what brother?

Ominis yes

SBSTN HAHAHA

XD

would u rather sister?

Ominis …possibly

SBSTN LOOOOOL

u weird

ANYWAY

what were u trying to say to me?

Ominis o, my mothr and father have come home

SBSTN ah

my condolences

how r they?

Ominis fine

SBSTN good

and how r u ?

Ominis fine

SBSTN :/

sure?

Ominis not entirly

SBSTN do tell

Ominis don’t want to burdem you

SBSTN rolling my eyes here

theyve popped out my head

bye eyes

enjoy ur life as free balls

lol

dude tell me

Ominis apprently they had beenin paris tofind suitable pureblood fsmilies or somthing

SBSTN what does that mean?

Ominis i think they trying to marry marvlo off

SBSTN OH

Ominis yes

SBSTN i mean it’ll get him out of ur hair right?

bye bitch

Ominis hopefully. think im jus nervous that once theyr done with him theyl look to me

SBSTN oh

Ominis yes

SBSTN ok well they cant do that until ur 18 and we r 16 so i think so we got time to think of a plan

if it comes to it ill kidnap u and we’ll go live in America or something

dw about it ok?

i got u

ok?

Ominis ok

thank you seb

SBSTN np

:)

July 15th, 1:18am

Ominis Are you awake?

1:26am

Ominis Sebastian?

1:31am

Ominis Hello?

8:42am

SBSTN soz i was asleep what’s up

9:32am

Ominis Nothing, don’t worry.

July 18th, 5:51pm

SBSTN sorry for such a late message 

how’s it hanging

Ominis Have you been busy?

SBSTN we went to London with Solomon

he left us at diagon alley for hours lmao

he said he had ‘ministry matters’ but i swear he just went and got drunk lol

he STUNK of firewhiskey 

i can still smell it and hes not even in the house

Ominis Perhaps it’s his cologne? They usually have alcohol in them, I believe.

SBSTN nah

Ominis Perhaps he had drinks with someone from the ministry?

SBSTN oh good theory

maybe

it’s fine

Ominis I can’t see him taking you and Anne all the way to London just for him to drink. 

SBSTN yeh ur right

Ominis As always.

SBSTN now now dear don’t go stroking ur own ego

Ominis Don’t call me dear, Sebastian. It makes me feel like an old woman. 

SBSTN sorry

sister :)

Ominis I’d like to wring your neck.

SBSTN dont tease ;)

July 21st, 2:13am

Ominis Are you awake?

2:17am

Ominis Sebastian?

SBSTN yep yep here

Ominis Sorry.

SBSTN what’s up ?

Ominis Nothing. I apologise. Go back to sleep. 

SBSTN wanna call?

Ominis I don’t want to bother you. 

SBSTN ur not

promise

calling

SBSTN is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 1hr 6min

3:25am

SBSTN ill ask him in the morning ok?

but i don’t see why not

Anne will be happy :)

so will I

in a macho way.

Ominis Of course. Thank you.

SBSTN :)

go sleep

Ominis I will try. 

SBSTN sweet dreams baby boy

Ominis You too.

11:12am

SBSTN HELLO

HE SAID YES

U CAN COME WHENEVER U WANT BASICALLY! 

U COULD COME TODAY

YAY

11:17am

SBSTN haha solomon said he’ll take my bed so u can bunk in with me

ik u would probably rather share with anne

but i think solomon would kill u before he let that happen lol

and she’s a kicker anyway

11:25am

SBSTN me and anne r gonna go hogsmeade and get some stuff :)

u want anything?

i will make sure to put a little chocolate frog on top of ur pillow :)

hehe

1:09pm

SBSTN ok at HM now 

got a butterbeer sirona says hi

omgs if ernie lark doesn’t shut up imma make him

lmao

1:29pm

SBSTN Ominis?

Missed call from SBSTN

2:11pm

SBSTN yo can u just send me a message to lmk ur ok?

3:03pm

SBSTN Ominis

Missed call from SBSTN

3:48pm

SBSTN om

4:19pm

SBSTN OMINIS

ITS ANNE

WHY U NO RESPOND

Missed call from SBSTN

Missed call from SBSTN

SBSTN hey we are leaving hogsmeade, i got u some stuff anyway but just worried.

6:05pm

SBSTN made an extra dinner portion in case ur coming. 

call me when ur around ok?

7:41pm

Missed call from SBSTN

SBSTN ok, im hoping ur parents just dragged u somewhere today. hope ur ok. 

10:34pm

SBSTN im gonna try to sleep. really hope you’re ok.

July 22nd, 12:06am

SBSTN ok can’t sleep. 

here if u need me

2:38am

Ominis Sorry.

Ominis is calling SBSTN

Call accepted

Call ended, 28min

3:07am

Ominis I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. 

SBSTN ITS OK

dude i only worry cos i care about u

stupid they took ur phone and laptop

ik it’s muggle technology or whatever but everyone uses them nowadays

but yeah I’d wait a couple days to ask them

don’t worry if u cant talk for a bit, but u know where to find me if u need me

alright go get ur beauty sleep

Ominis Thank you, again. I really hope to see you soon. 

SBSTN u will :)

promise :)

Ominis Goodnight Sebastian. 

SBSTN goodnight baby boy

Ominis I think I don’t mind that name

July 29th, 7:14am

Ominis Good morning :)

9:22am

SBSTN HI GORGEOUS

ur back :)

missed u

no homo

lol

Ominis I am indeed back.

SBSTN r u ok?

Ominis I am. Are you?

SBSTN now that ur back !! 

again, no homo LMAO

no but srsly r u ok? been a bit worried, ik u were gonna lay low a bit but still

Ominis I’m fine. Good, even. My father has agreed for me to come and stay in Feldcroft. However, only for the last two weeks of the Summer. 

SBSTN OKAY!

THAT STILL GOOD

:DDDDD

Anne’s gonna be so excited

Ominis It’s a shame I can’t come sooner. I think these two weeks might be the longest of my life. 

SBSTN we’ve gone longer before my dude

we’ve just gone like 4 weeks so what’s like 3 more

Ominis Very true. You are wise sometimes, Sebastian. 

SBSTN flatterer

August 3rd, 10:14am

SBSTN ur right it’s dragging

anne is making me go to gladrags with her 

i want u here so we can do manly things

like skipping rocks on the water

long walks along the beach at sunset <3

LMAO jk but srsly haha I’m bored

August 5th, 12:36pm

SBSTN 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ominis Could you not have sent more exclamation points?

SBSTN srry

Ominis It’s almost like you aren’t excited. 

SBSTN ill do better next time

Ominis I’m rather offended, actually. 

SBSTN :(

Ominis :)

SBSTN :D

August 12th, 2:47pm

Ominis One week, I believe. 

SBSTN UR RIGHT 

I’m dancing

u can’t see me rn but i am

Ominis I can’t see at all. 

SBSTN dude.

Ominis I saw the opportunity and I took it. 

SBSTN u didn’t see anything

cos ur blind

Ominis Haha. Very funny. 

SBSTN :D

1 WEEk!

August 18th, 6:04pm

SBSTN SO WHAT TIME U COMING

ill walk over and meet u

r ur house elves gonna bring ur school stuff later?

cos there’s not a lot of room here haha

but it’s cool if u need 2 :)

come at like just after midnight haha technically counts

ill wait up

Ominis I’ll probably come around midday, if that’s acceptable. I will have to speak to my father before leaving, I suppose. I am looking forward to seeing you. Very much.

SBSTN me too :)

we’ll have lunch and then maybe we can go exploring or something

there’s an empty cave down by the water that has all these old stones and bricks with weird patterns on them i think you’ll like

like they feel all weird 

good hand feel

oh and the Ominis cat is back so you two will have to meet !

Ominis I cant wait. 

SBSTN me neither

August 19th, 12:05pm

Ominis I’ll be on my way soon. 

SBSTN just helping Anne finish the pie then ill head over :)

Ominis Are you covered in flour by any chance?

SBSTN u kno it baby

im a messy boy ;)

Ominis Looking forward to seeing you like that oh that doesn't make sense

At least look presentable for your guest.

SBSTN but u can’t see me?

lol

will do, dw

12:21pm

SBSTN ok heading over now

Ominis And I am just leaving.

SBSTN c u soon <3

Ominis

<3

WINTER

December 20th, 9:24am

SBSTN changed their display name to xmaSeb

xmaSeb i have ur tie

found it in my bag

idk why i bought it home lol

gonna wear it like a bandana

Ominis How do you know it’s mine?

xmaSeb its got a little og on the inside

Ominis What is an og?

Oh. My initials.

xmaSeb i wrote it in all ur ties so they don’t get lost or someone else steals then

Ominis How sweet

Why didn’t you tell me this before?

Would it matter, as long as I had enough ties?

xmaSeb no

i guess not

i just like the house elves to know whose is whose

Ominis Well, thank you. I’ll collect it in a few days. 

xmaSeb :)

how r the gaunts

Ominis I don’t think you want to know.

xmaSeb probably not

tell me anyway

Ominis Cruel, vicious, muggle-hating? I think about that covers it. 

xmaSeb ah

so not much has changed

Ominis Of course not. 

xmaSeb at least it’s only like what a week?

Ominis 4 days, 5 if you count the day it took to travel.

xmaSeb remind me why they wanted you to come back so bad ? 

Ominis The family of the witch that Marvolo is supposed to be marrying are visiting tomorrow. 

xmaSeb right

Ominis So I had to be in attendance to prove we are a worthy family, stronger together. Always in Power and whatnot. 

xmaSeb right

Ominis So now I’m stuck here listening to my father rant about blood purity when all I want to do is to be with you. 

And Anne.

Even Solomon. 

xmaSeb lol

sure he’d be chuffed

Ominis I’d take 100 Solomon’s over one of my fathers. 

xmaSeb how many mes would u take

Ominis 0

xmaSeb oh

</3

xmaSeb devastated :(

Ominis You know I jest. 

xmaSeb :D

Ominis Excuse me. Apparently after breakfast I’m being taken for a suit fitting. I seem to have outgrown last years’ already. I’ll speak to you later. 

xmaSeb nice

send pics

xmaSeb ;)

Ominis You know I won't do that. 

xmaSeb :(

no fair 

speak later?

Ominis Call?

xmaSeb anything 4 u baby boy

5:36pm

Ominis *image*

I’m not sure if I even got a picture. But I’m sending this anyway. 

xmaSeb damn

u so fine

lol wear that at school and the girls will be all over u trust me

:)))

Ominis I don’t want

Do you really think

Thank you.

December 22nd, 12:32am

Ominis Thnk Merlin thts over

dmn key stuck

does  work?

        .

a a a 

xmaSeb mine a works a just a fine a

Ominis on my laptop stupid

xmaSeb phone?

Ominis dead

xmaSeb charge

electric spell mate tht wht i do

Ominis fool

guests

loud

xmaSeb O YE

im 2 pretty 2 think

anyway how was it

Ominis horrid

apprently marv was makin bedrom eyes at her

thts wat my sister said

xmaSeb LMAO

was she pretty

do you kno

Ominis sis said she looked a bit like a horse

xmaSeb HORSE?

like NEIGH?

Ominis quote ‘very long face with very long nose, lovely mane thoug’

xmaSeb why does he want to screw her then

Ominis pureblood

xmaSeb don’t need to say anymore lol

how was it tho

Ominis painful

spent the whole night trying to remmber french 

which i def butchered

and they kept grabbjng my chin to look at me and commenting about my eyes

but I coulndt hear them coming

xmaSeb LOL

so when u gonna speak to me in French?

ik some french 

bonjour mon petit croissant

but yeh that sounds sucky dude

why r they all so weird

its a wonder u turned out so perfect ;)

Ominis not

xmaSeb yes

perfect baby boy :)

Ominis no

xmaSeb yes :)

Ominis no

xmaSeb YES

stop arguing

Ominis fine

xmaSeb i win!

only 2 days now 

Ominis indeed

xmaSeb then u get to see ur bestest friend in the whole world!

Ominis anne

xmaSeb me!

oh

Ominis joke

xmaSeb im gonna sleep now v tired

Ominis talk tomorrw?

xmaSeb don’t even need to ask <3

December 24th, 10:43am

xmaSeb good morrow sire 

ur carriage awaits

(me, waiting for u to carry ur bag back home)

Ominis I shan’t be long. See you shortly.

December 25th, 4:52am

xmaSeb meryy chrismtas omii i lvoeu 

oh ur ruyght there

I stikl lovu

even if i dnttell u

SPRING

March 25th, 10:14am

xmaSeb changed their display name to seabass

seabass haha just seen those last messages

Ominis You love me?

Were you drunk? 

seabass noooooooo

tht just shows how drunk u were if u dont remember me being drunk

Ominis I was drunk too?

seabass we were all drunk baby

Ominis Merlin. 

How do I not remember this?

seabass dont tell me u don’t remember our passionate night together as well?!

Ominis What

What

Sorry, what?

What?

seabass wow

broken hearted

was this why we never discussed it?

Ominis I’m sorry, I really don’t remember, Sebastian. Why didn’t you mention this sooner?

seabass sigh

it was so amazing, so passionate

don’t think i could get u to stop talking about potions for a good hour

how much u HATE it

so much passion in ur heart!!!

Ominis I thought you meant

Oh, haha, very funny Sebastian. I was scared for a moment there. 

seabass what of lol

trust if we ever were passionate we would both remember VERY clearly ;)

Ominis Enough joking around. 

seabass never

but fine i’ll stop FOR NOW

how’s oui oui paris

(read tht with the french accent on paris so it rhymes plz)

Ominis Horrid. For the most part, I’ve managed to keep to myself, but this damned family might end up killing me. 

seabass which one lol

gaunts or delacar

or however u spell it

Ominis Delacroix. I just had to spell that out, this phone is really poor at spelling. 

Truthfully, it’s going to be one or the other. Marvolo is all over this Rosalié like a ravenous mongrel. Eleven year age gap, mind you. Their only topic of conversation seems to be about hating muggles in broken French and English. 

seabass the horse girl

oh so she’s like only a bit older than us?

Ominis Precisely. Only just finished Beauxbatons last year, apparently. She also has a younger sister, who is very timid, unlike the rest of her family, but I’m certain my mother and father are already hatching the egregious plan to marry us when she comes of age. 

seabass shit

i had to look up egregious lol

how old?

Ominis Eleven, I believe. Starting Beauxbatons in the Autumn if I understood her mother correctly. 

seabass oh gross

yuck

but that does give us time to hatch a plan and run away

Ominis I could very well be wrong, but I have sat next to her at every dinner we’ve had together so far. It would certainly not surprise me. 

seabass im so sorry baby

Ominis I’m here for another few days, then back home. I think I may not survive these two weeks. 

seabass plz survive

i wouldn’t be able to go on

itll all be ok, dw :)

Ominis Do you promise?

seabass on my life

March 30th, 8:27pm

Ominis Home now. 

seabass welcome back to to the British Isles

enjoy your tea and scones

me ol mucker

Ominis What on Earth are you on about now?

seabass haha

there’s this american muggle show thing and one of them is trying to do an English accent and its soooo bad

me and anne were watching it and couldn’t stop laughing

ill send a video hold on

u don’t have to see it just listen hold on

*video*

8:35pm

Ominis What did I just hear?

seabass HAHAHAH

absolute shambles

Ominis I think my ears may be bleeding.

seabass nooo don’t lose your hearing ur so sexy aha

Ominis Excuse me?

seabass meme

Ominis Clearly. If I did lose my hearing at least I wouldn’t have to hear you speak again. 

seabass if u lost ur ears how would i even communicate with u? 

:(

Ominis No communication with you? Sounds like a dream come true. 

seabass yeah but if we couldn’t talk at all i wouldn’t be able to do this

seabass is calling Ominis

Call accepted

Call ended, 2hr 3min

10:51pm

seabass <3333

Ominis Goodnight Sebastian.

seabass sleep well lovely <3

Ominis And you. 

<3

April 3rd, 11:36am

seabass good morning angelface 

Ominis Angel face. That’s a new one. 

seabass do u like

Ominis It’s not something I’ve heard before. 

seabass so u DO like it

Ominis Hang on, I never said that.

seabass what do u prefer, sister or angelface

remember that hahaha

Ominis I do remember. It was only a joke. 

seabass ikkkkk

k of all the names I call u what do u prefer

angelface

baby

baby boy

gorgeous

lovely

perfect

or dumbass motherfucker

Ominis You’ve never called me that last one. I dare not repeat it. 

seabass not to your face >:)

Ominis Really? Then to who?

seabass just in my head

to myself

whenever i look @ u

Ominis You are an idiot, Sebastian Sallow.

seabass i think my fave ones r baby boy and perfect because that’s what u r :)

Ominis I honestly can’t tell if you’re flirting

I’m really getting mixed signals

I think you’re more perfect

Such a charmer. 

I think I just prefer my name. 

seabass ahhh no fun :(

i only give u these pet names because ily :(

Ominis What?

Sorry

In what way

I love you too, I have for

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck oh stupid phone stop listening to me I’m not trying to

11:52am

seabass sorry was that weird haha

ur just my best friend and stuff

sorry

Ominis Oh, of course

Oh

I thought you meant

Idiot

Don’t

Don’t apologise, if I’m honest I don’t mind the names. It’s certainly better than some of the things I’ve been called. Haha. 

Ominis And I L Y too. 

So much

seabass :D

<3

i shall continue to give you cute little names then

Ominis Alright. Don’t expect any from me though. 

Sweetheart. 

seabass YES

hahaha

seabass changed their display name to sweetheart

sweetheart look

i changed mine

mine display name 

change urs baby boy

Ominis What?

Oh, I’ve just heard it. Really?

sweetheart CHANGE UR NAME SO WE MATCH!!!!!

Ominis changed their display name to Baby Boy

Baby Boy Did that work?

sweetheart YEA

haha

this is dumb

still love it tho

NEW MESSAGE

From Natty<3 to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:55am

Natty<3 It's happened! Congratulations guys <3

NEW MESSAGE

From QUIDDITCHQUEEN to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:56am

QUIDDITCHQUEEN So you finally got your shit together then?

NEW MESSAGE

From pops to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:56am

pops just saw yours and Ominis’ names! :)

very sweet :)

happy for you both :)

NEW MESSAGE

From Gazza to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:57am

Gazza always knew you two would get it on haha

NEW MESSAGE

From LEANDER1 to sweetheart

April 3rd, 11:57am

LEANDER1 r u an gaunt gay or smth wots wiv the names

not judging idc

April 3rd, 11:58am

sweetheart we can change it back lol

Baby Boy Why?

I thought you loved it

sweetheart idk

im gonna

sweetheart changed their display name to sebastian

sebastian leave urs then

Baby Boy OK.

sebastian k

gtg c u friday 

Baby Boy  Is everything ok?

Baby Boy changed their display name to Ominis

Ominis Ok, goodbye then.

Love you.

April 4th, 12:07am

Ominis Sebastian?

12:19am

Ominis Are you there?

12:28 am

Missed call from Ominis

12:32am

Missed call from Ominis

12:40am

Ominis is calling sebastian

Call declined

[101emo]

Shorthand: 101 What does that mean? Are they just letters?

Once again, emo culture being born into the early 2000s, shorthand texting was popular- who has time to click on the keypad for each letter when you could do about three instead?

You defiantly know the classic 'OMG' and 'LOL', but do you know them all and what they mean?

Below is an in depth chart showing what shorthand letters mean what phrase, modern or not; (This entry does contain swearing.)

───────────────────────

AFAIK: As far as I know. "AFAIK? He's right."

AF: As fuck. "That show was good AF."

AFK: Away from keyboard. "Going AFK for a while."

AKA: Also known as. "AKA an ass."

ATM: At the moment. "Nothing going on ATM."

BB/BBG/BBB: Baby, baby girl, baby boy. "Love you BBG x."

BRB: Be right back. "BRB, dinner."

BTW: By the way. "I know the answers, BTW."

CD9/9: Code 9. "CD9 (When someones at the computer or watching)."

CM/CMP/PCM/CMB: Call me, call me please, please call me, call me back. "CMB later."

DM/DMs/PM: Direct message, direct messages, private messages. "She wanted to PM me."

DW: Dont worry. "DW about it."

ED: Eating Disorder. Please contact the Butterfly Foundation if you're struggling x

FML: Fuck my life. "I failed that test, FML."

FR: For real. "She's cute FR."

FW: Fuck with. "I FW that idea."

FOMO: Fear of missing out. "She's got mad FOMO."

FWB: Friends with benefits. "Nah, we're just FWB right now."

FWIW: For what it's worth. "FWIW, I don't think he's good for you."

GB: Goodbye. "Goodnight, GB!"

GN: Goodnight. "Bye, GN!"

GG: Good game. "GG dude!"

GL/GLHF: Good luck, good luck have fun. "Your game is on? GLHF!"

GOAT: Greatest of all time. "MCR is the GOAT."

GTG: Got to go. "GTG, I'll see you tomorrow!"

GTFO/GTFOOH: Get the fuck out, get the fuck out of here. "GTFO with that normie stuff."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

HW: Homework. "Have you got the HW notes?"

ICYMI/ICUMI: In case you missed it. "ICYMI, here are the notes."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

IDGAF: I don't give a fuck. "IDGAF if she said that."

IK: I know. "Yeah, IK about last week."

IDK/IDRK: I don't know, I don't really know. "IDRK about history."

IIRC: If I recall/remember correctly. "IIRC, he walks home."

IDC/IDRC: I don't care, I don't really care. "IDC about that."

IMO/IMHO: In my opinion, in my honest opinion. "IMO, she's trashy."

LY/ILY/ILU: Love you, I love you. "ILY baby!"

ILYSM/ILUSM: I love you so much. "ILYSM AAAA!"

IRL: In real life. "IRL he's not that cute."

ISTG: I swear to god, I swear to gosh. "ISTG if she's in my class."

JK,JJ: Just kidding, just joking. "JK! That skirt is a cute blue."

K/KK: Okay. "Meet you there, k?"

KIL/KILK: Keep it low, keep it lowkey. "KILK, he doesn't know about the party."

KMS: Killing myself, kill myself. "If I fail, gonna KMS."

KMST: Killing myself tonight. Please call a helpline number x

KYS: Kill yourself Don't bully people please.. Only friends xD

LTR/L8R: Later. "Call LTR?"

LM/LMU: Lets meet, lets meet up. "LMU at the mall later?"

LMK: Let me know. "LMK what happens on Friday."

LOL: Laugh out loud, laughing out loud. "That post? LOL!"

LMAO: Laughing my ass off. "Stop. LMAO!"

NM/NDM: Not much, not doing much. "NDM tonight."

NP: No problem. "NP for the notes!"

NW: No way, no worries. (depends on context for this one). "NW that actually happened."

OC: Of course. "OC I heard it."

OG: Original, on god. (depends on context for this one). "That copy was OG."

OIS/OIC: Oh I see. "OIS, you like her now?"

OMG: Oh my god, oh my gosh. "OMG! I'm dying!"

ORLY/OR: Oh really? "ORLY? He said that?"

OTP/OTP: On the phone, one true pair. (depends on context for this one). "Him and her? OTP for sure."

POS: Piece of shit. "He's a POS for that."

PPL: People. "Yeah, PPL heard that."

QT: Cute, cutie. "He's such a QT."

RN: Right now. "Wanna play RN?"

RLLY: Really. "You RLLY gonna believe that?"

R: Are. "R you gonna be there?"

RU: Are you. "RU coming to school tomorrow?"

RUS: Are you serious. "RUS? She said that?"

ROTF/ROTFL: Rolling on the floor, rolling on the floor laughing. "ROTFL! That face!"

SMH: Shaking my head. "SMH, she can't do that."

SRSLY/SRS: Seriously, serious. "Are you SRS?"

SSDD/SSDS: Same story- different day, same story- different shit. "You know school. SSDS."

SH: Self harm. Please call a helpline number x

STFU: Shut the fuck up. "STFU, no one likes that."

SYS/SYT: See you soon, see you shortly, see you tomorrow. "Okay! SYS!"

TBC/TBH: To be clear, to be honest. "TBH, she sucks."

THX: Thanks. "THX for today!"

TMI: Too much information. "Woah, TMI."

TN: Tonight. "What you doing TN?"

TFW/MFW: That face when, that feeling when, my face when, my feeling when. "MFW he wears sweatpants."

TTYL: Talk to you layer. "I have to go to sleep, TTYL!"

U: You. "U can't be serious."

UR: You're, your. "You left UR sweater here."

WB: Welcome back. "WB! How was dinner?"

WBY/WBU: What about you. "WBU? I like red."

WTF/WTH: What the fuck, what the hell. "WTF was that about?"

YOLO: You only live once. "I'm going out, YOLO!"

YW: You're welcome. "YW for the advice!"

───────────────────────

Follow for more x Updates every week, Tuesday and Thursday. 6:30pm GMT +11.

[punkscowardschampions]

Mia & Jimmy & Janis

Mia: [Computer Science project that you have to make a company/logo/business cards/spreadsheets/website/everythang you could think of so it takes a full term or whatever and you have to work with each other in every lesson] Mia: Right, I think we should do a law firm for our business Mia: because my dad is so we can actually use examples to make all our products legit Jimmy: what, like no win, no fee? 👍 can do a funny ad piss easy Mia: That is NOT the kind of lawyer my dad is Mia: funny isn't gonna get us good grades either Jimmy: 💔 Dunno who I'm gonna get to chase my 🚑 now Janis: I'm with Chuckles Janis: you're just trying to make this project most beneficial to you Janis: I don't wanna be a vulture when I grow up Janis: go generic as possible or it ain't fair Jimmy: don't reckon your dad needs the free promo any road, rich girl Jimmy: unless this is a cry for help that he can't get the prey Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Mia: Obviously I want to make it beneficial, I CARE about my grades and future Mia: but I'd love to hear your suggestions I'm sure Jimmy: you after a 🏆 or just a 👏 for trying to get an A? Mia: I get As, new boy, I don't just try Jimmy: I get it, you want 🤤😍 Jimmy: there Mia: Don't be so disgusting Mia: If you two are going to try and sabotage my grade, I WILL make my dad make Sir let me move Mia: I'm not being dragged down Jimmy: crack on, we've worked out your dad ain't busy with accidents at work Janis: Like, please try and use all daddy's clout to get that stubborn prick to do anything he's deciding he's not gonna do Janis: I already said I'd do this shit alone and no 🎲 Jimmy: don't sound like him that Jimmy: go on, rich girl, love to witness another failed flex Janis: You reckon we'd get extra points for fluffing our business expenses like your dad or what? Janis: I'll go along with it if we can convincingly hide our fake funds in a tax haven and make ourselves look LEGIT 👌 Jimmy: Me an' all Mia: You know as little about my dad as you do about your own, Janis Mia: you wish he was as crooked too but he's on the right side of the law so Janis: above the law Janis: can't do no wrong in your eyes, so I've heard Janis: but doubt new boy finds your family drama any more interesting than I do Janis: be a fucking law firm if you like, let's just split the jobs up equally and we don't have to talk until it's time to piece it all together Jimmy: I'll have the ad and the logo, tah very much Janis: you mean the fun bits Jimmy: I mean the 🎨 bits Jimmy: rich girl wants her A Janis: obliging Janis: I'll make the website and business cards, I've done it before Janis: Mia, do the data input, yeah Janis: star in Tarantino's ad, you'll love that Mia: No, no Mia: I don't feel comfortable leaving you completely to your own devices Mia: that's not a totally terrible split of the workload but I intend to oversee every step of the process Mia: we have to do a writeup at the end, you know Jimmy: it's almost like the other lass ain't as thick as you'd feel comfortable her being, funny that Mia: I literally want to do well and as far as I know, I'm the only one here who consistently gets good grades Mia: so hostile Mia: I agree that's how we should split the work but I'm not going to just assume you'll both do it well, we can all have input in every part Jimmy: could LITERALLY fill a book the size of sir's big head with all the shit you don't know about what I do well Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: watch me, if you don't get enough of it already, better uniform at work though, don't you reckon? Mia: Oh my God, brag much? Mia: hit the nail on the head with big head 🙄 Jimmy: stalk much? 🙄 Jimmy: least your dad could take my case Mia: It's HER sister that likes you, not ME Mia: get a grip and take it up with her if you're not feeling it Jimmy: I'll still give your dad a bell, chuck him that 🦴 as he's struggling Mia: As I said, he doesn't DO no win no fee, so you couldn't afford him Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Now we've established it's justice only for those that can afford it Janis: and rich girls can do whatever they want Janis: what are we doing first, oh mighty project manager Jimmy: I'll do the logo in blue, sounds about right, that Janis: #bluelivesmatter is already taken for a tagline but I'll get to thinking Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll have a think if I wanna use gold for her 👑 or silver for the 🥄 Janis: 🥄 might imply a problem with amphetamines and obviously, you want everyone to know you WORKED for that 💀🦴 all by yourself, you know Mia: You'd know all about that, wouldn't you Mia: taking over the family business, yeah? Jimmy: Oi, it ain't that grim up north Mia: Grim is right Jimmy: Gutted Rosso didn't make you feel like the WAG you deserve on your last visit babes 🤞 next time you'll spot them celebs Jimmy: or you'll keep to Bijou, that glam dress code would never do you dirty Jimmy: 💕 Janis: I get it Janis: you want me to make sure you're infertile Janis: all those cheat days and binges got you feeling unsure, no problem, just ask Jimmy: lend her the 🥄 Mia: You are both SUCH freaks Mia: what does any of that even mean Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: only a freak on the weekend, me Mia: NOT interested, new boy Mia: I HAVE a boyfriend who's a lot hotter than you, right Janis? Jimmy: makes two of us, rich girl Janis: For someone who thinks my bloodline is filth, you LOVE being surrounded by 'em, yeah Janis: bit weird but everyone likes their bit of rough Janis: how disadvantaged is your dad's newest mistress, I mean secretary? Janis: SO charitable 💙 Jimmy: might be northern, sounds like they've been there loads Mia: Are you gay, new boy? Mia: I'll have to let down Gracie for you Jimmy: only for sir Jimmy: he's well fit Jimmy: crack on with letting your bestie down though and if my mum's the one with your dad, tell her she left the oven on but I sorted it Mia: ??? Mia: What EVEN Mia: you're cracked Jimmy: brb gotta go dry my eyes Jimmy: 🐣💕 Jimmy: I do feel #seen tah for that, hun Mia: I can't even Mia: fine, you two come up with our company branding Mia: I'm going to write out all the info to put on our website when it's done Jimmy: Oi, bad blood, you wanna be the star of my ad or what? Janis: no Jimmy: alright, I'll ask sir Janis: good taste Janis: rinse her dad in a fight Jimmy: tah for the meet cute opportunity Jimmy: when he's her dad's new mr I wanna 🎥📸 the wedding Janis: awh, full ⚪ Janis: she'll look adorable in her flower girl dress Jimmy: 🤞 Gracie catches the 💐 Jimmy: she is on a lad hunt Janis: 🤞 Mia's da has a brother Mia don't also want to fuck Jimmy: don't leave us in suspense 👑 does he or what? Mia: Shut the fuck up or I'll show all this to Sir Jimmy: Go on Jimmy: he'll think I'm 😎 and I'll be well in Janis: Do it, little miss perfect Janis: the part where you shit on my dead dad's grave will be well more shocking when I open the floodgates 😭 Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: ... Jimmy: ........ Janis: guess Sir won't wanna pet you no more when he finds out a. you're a cunt b. new boy is interested in your position Jimmy: he'll do til I can get Mr Lucas Jimmy: you can have him back then Janis: LOVE a happy ending Jimmy: I'll look top in my 👰 Janis: gutted about the lack of uniform though, yeah Mia? Jimmy: What do you make your boyfriend wear? 🦺? Mia: New boy, don't even go there 'cos he could beat you down so easy if I asked him to Janis: that means she pisses on him so they know he's hers Jimmy: makes sense that'd be your kink Janis: dog eat dog world, right babes Janis: stories you was raised on come straight out of your dad's man's man motivational speaker bullshit Jimmy: Oh shit, are you my half sister, rich girl? Jimmy: brb gotta pack my shit so I'm ready to move in Janis: get a princess dress to go with that 👰 Jimmy: order my 👑 in XXL tah Janis: can share with your sister Janis: big happy family vibes xoxo Jimmy: 🤗 Janis: get in here sis Janis: finally not a lonely child Mia: Yeah, I SO want 1000s of siblings like you Jimmy: You're alright, I've only got the one brother and the one sister Jimmy: be piss easy to fit us in your palace Mia: You AREN'T invited Mia: might steal the silverware 🥄🍴 Jimmy: I'll leave you a 🥄 to stick down your throat after dinner Jimmy: got some manners, me Mia: That's lovely, isn't it Mia: eating disorders are really serious, you shouldn't make some jokes Janis: respect the 🎨 Jimmy: cleaning the 🚽 after you lot is an' all Jimmy: part of the job description btw, I get that you'd have to have one to know what that means but Janis: 😏 Janis: staff know all your dirty little secrets, babes Janis: better than a tip, like Jimmy: be 👻⚰💀 before I get a tip off her Janis: if we were all walking 'round looking as SICK as her, what would be the point of corroding away her esophagus and not-so pearly whites? Janis: gotta find your own tricks, boy Jimmy: I'll put a ❄️ in the logo for you, babes Janis: cannot escape those coke vibes omg Janis: you're a PR nightmare Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: #whitelivesandwhitelines Janis: GREAT slogan Janis: basically done over here and you're just texting 💀💩 Janis: tsk tsk, Mimi Jimmy: tick tock or tik tok if you'd rather Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 😂 Janis: make us a law tiktok, hun Jimmy: starring your dad, OBVS Janis: share that 🤤🤤🤤 with the world, not just the local 18-35s Jimmy: 💰 on him being a 🔥🔥🔥 dancer Janis: all middle-aged white men are Jimmy: DUH Janis: POV- you're my client, I'm overcharging you Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤😍😍😍 Mia: You're obsessed with me, I get it 🙄 Jimmy: busted Janis: If that's a crime Janis: get to spend more time with your dad than you do Janis: 💘 Jimmy: SO romantic Jimmy: 👨💕 Janis: can't wait 'til he wants a couple grams Jimmy: refill the silver 🧂 Janis: you know it Janis: sugarbowl never tasted so sweet Jimmy: 😋 Janis: careful Janis: her boyfriend WILL fuck you up Jimmy: I get it, he's obsessed with me Janis: can't blame him Mia: OMG Mia: that is soooo fucked Mia: know your family doesn't see blood relation as an issue but he'll 🤢 when I show him this Jimmy: if he's that bothered, he can come find me Jimmy: you've had my shifts memorised since I started Mia: You wish Jimmy: to give him a smack, yeah Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: sounds like a right knobhead Mia: [sends a picture of Pablo like he's a prize bull or some shit gross Mia] Mia: you reckon, do you? 😂 Jimmy: I reckon he looks like a right knobhead an' all now, since you asked Mia: You've got a deathwish like Mia: wow Janis: kindred spirits Jimmy: 'cause you reckon he looks like a knobhead an' all? that's just sense Janis: was talking about her eating disorder which is VERY serious and we MUST NOT joke about Janis: but yeah, the fuckboy radiating from that selfie must be the appeal Jimmy: Soz mate Mia: She doesn't DO boys, I'd save your breath Jimmy: weren't breathing down her neck, that's you Jimmy: I get why now though, it's a blatant crush Janis: Stalking's your kink, right babes? Janis: Or am I just that special Jimmy: [draws these gals as snowflakes holding hands but Mia is melting] Janis: That's good Janis: but horrific Jimmy: #allherkinks Jimmy: [doodles on the picture of Pablo that she sent in hilarious ways] Janis: 😂😂 Janis: Send him that, whilst you're at it, Mimi Janis: really get him 'roiding out Mia: 🖕🖕🖕 Mia: you're both jealous, both for weird freaky reasons Jimmy: Of what? Go on Mia: You're jealous because you think every girl here wants to ride you and I DON'T Mia: because my boyfriend is better looking and fitter than you 💁 Mia: and she's jealous either because she wants me or she wants her own brother Mia: either way 😷😷😷😷 Jimmy: if every girl round here wanted to crack onto me why would I give a shit if you do or don't? Jimmy: all your mates are fitter than you and they ain't close to this paddy school's top tier Jimmy: and you just said she don't do lads so why would she wanna have a go on her brother unless the steroids have fucked him up harder than advertised Mia: yeah 👌 narcissist Mia: neg me, that'll totally make me interested Jimmy: 🤞 it'll keep you well clear Jimmy: that'll do Mia: I want to be working with you as much as you do me, I've said Mia: leave me alone and this can be as painless as possible Jimmy: I get that you're fuming your boyfriend is growing bigger tits than you but that ain't my problem, my dear Mia: So immature Jimmy: still got a deeper voice than him Janis: imagine defending your man this hard when he fully cheats on you Janis: 💔 Janis: daddy all over again, am I right? Jimmy: 🎻😭🎻 Jimmy: Dunno what I'm more flattered by, that you reckon I'm gay after seeing the state of all the straight lads round here or not wanting to ride me 'cause I ain't a cheating dickhead with massive tits or in your dad's case a hair transplant Jimmy: either way, tah Janis: could donate some to the cause, new boy Janis: hair, not tits Jimmy: you could an' all Jimmy: cause a scandal Janis: #cancelling bitches is a solid hobby Jimmy: there you go Janis: can't lose my only beauty though Janis: 🎻🎻 Janis: have to keep being #problematic yourself babes, so soz Jimmy: 👍 Mia: Stop nerd flirting Mia: send me what work you've done today Jimmy: Hang on, I'll 😎🚬 Jimmy: 💕 Mia: Gross Jimmy: What, I'm only fit and mysterious if I starve myself to 💀💀💀? Alright Jimmy: [sends her the work like oh I must be a nerd then] Mia: Thank you Mia: I'll go over this and give feedback later Jimmy: Gross Mia: 🙄 Mia: I've got to do a speech in Politics and Society after this, so I need to prepare Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 👋 Janis: pleasure as always Jimmy: bit rude if you two get to nerd flirt Janis: what's 'fuck off' in Arabic? Jimmy: تخلص من Jimmy: probably means ILY or some bollocks 'cause I google translated it Janis: beautiful Janis: love double-meaning Janis: Qué te folle un pez espada, new boy Jimmy: ? Janis: I hope you get fucked by a swordfish 💘 Jimmy: [draws their teacher, Mr Lucas, Pablo and Mia's dad all as swordfish so she can vote for who she ships him with] Jimmy: ✔ or ❌ Janis: [❌ out Pablo's eyes and Mr Lucas' junk like no] Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [does very unflattering drawing of Mia all up on her father] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: not an A though, is it Jimmy: [makes it even more unflattering somehow like now it is and now it's also teamwork so even better] Janis: 😏 Jimmy: LOVE a #collab Janis: been waiting for a group project to come along Jimmy: rigged it to work with 👑💀 obvs Janis: duh Jimmy: SO obsessed, her dad will get me off though, he can TOTALLY relate Janis: should but it in our ad Jimmy: 🔪🔪🔪🚿 Janis: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: 💘 Janis: Sir will kill that role Jimmy: Literally Janis: ha ha 🙄 Jimmy: Chuckles is right 🤡 Janis: keep 'em coming Janis: 👑💀 might have an aneurism Jimmy: 🤞 might get an A if she dies Janis: it's what she would've wanted Jimmy: you do love a happy ending Janis: who don't Janis: be my tragic family's fault, no doubt Jimmy: so I've heard Janis: not gonna apologize, new boy Jimmy: weren't waiting for one Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: please stop nerd flirting with me Jimmy: you started it Jimmy: calm YOURSELF down, mate Janis: did I fuck Jimmy: neg me, that'll totally make me interested Janis: [IRL 😏] Jimmy: [sends her a pisstake version of the logo to fully drag Mia] Janis: is it RGB #374E88 though Jimmy: what? Janis: it's called tory blue Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: [does a colour corrected version immediately] Janis: Better Janis: solid 🥇 Jimmy: Tah Janis: [the pisstake business card with the logo for her dad] Janis: we've absolutely SMASHED it Jimmy: I reckon we can go Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: alright Jimmy: [IRL 😘 to sir] Janis: [we're loving this so hard but gotta hide it] Jimmy: [strutting out cos bad bitch global] Janis: [when you wanna go for all the reasons but also the rumour mill would go off immediately so you're like hmm] Janis: [fuck your life amirite babe] Jimmy: [gutted we ever have to end this convo so same]

[missmeikakuna]

The Girl Who Cried Gay

Rated: T-M (It's something I can see a teenager reading and enjoying but could be given a more mature rating due to the swearing and the edgy jokes the characters make.) Fandom: Original story Relationship type: F/F Description: Edgy teenager Jimena's idea of a joke is coming out to her classmates every day. The thing is, she actually is gay but is too chicken to come out for real, playing off her numerous attempts as a joke. But this time she's going to tell the truth and confess to her best friend, the equally edgy rebel Vinciane. Her plan? Write an entire song in two weeks and perform it in front of everyone. Should be easy, right?

Right? Notes:

I want to thank Tyler, the Creator for inspiring this story. Your numerous jokes about you being into dudes before coming out for real was a source of fascination for me, which is why I wrote this story. Also, Igor is a great album. Congrats on the Grammy.

For my readers, keep in mind that my opinions do not always match those of the characters. These girls say things I never would. I hope you find them entertaining.

CONTENT WARNING: There is a mention of suicide but no actual suicide, just the characters being edgelords and joking about the topic.

Jimena picked her teeth with one of the spikes on her boots, which she had shaken off as the school day drew to a close. Before that afternoon’s teacher had the chance to chastise her for her choice in outfit… again… she stood on top of the table. 

‘I’ve got something to tell you all. I…’ She wobbled a little on the table. ‘Woah, this is pretty difficult.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m gay.’

Everyone, the teacher included, rolled their eyes and resumed their in-class tasks. Vinciane leaned back in her seat as she looked up at Jimena. She watched this grand reveal with a smirk on her face that would make a lawyered-up business mogul jealous. 

Her short, dyed red hair in a sidecut was a constant source of frustration for the teachers. Jimena tried to copy it with her black hair but settled on a faux sidecut with braids. In fact, she tried to copy every aspect of her appearance, a feat made difficult by their differing body types, with Jimena being tall and thin and Vinciane being short and curvy. Both wore dark and heavy makeup, also causing a stir among the teachers. 

Vinciane almost dropped her smirk when she saw Jimena’s hands turn into trembling fists. Almost.

There was little point in being concerned since it wasn’t long before Jimena laughed and applauded herself.

‘You should have seen the looks on your faces! Get wrecked!’ She plopped back down off the table and nudged Vinciane in the ribs. ‘Lezzies for life, Vinny?’ she said, holding out her pinky finger and rivalling her smirk with her own. ‘We’ll get our own U-Haul and argue over who makes the sandwiches.’

Vinciane tied her pinky around Jimena’s. ‘Wouldn’t have it any other way. By the way, I’m making the sandwiches.’ Her accent was lightly French.

The two laughed loud enough to cause another quick lecture on manners from the teacher. Then it was Jimena’s turn to roll her eyes. Being the rebellious girl she was, she flipped the bird at her teacher… under the table.

That night, Jimena held her pillow in between her chest and her knees, slouching against her bedframe. She lifted her pinky and stared at it before bringing it to her lips in a gentle kiss. She looked at the acoustic guitar at the other end of the room, romantic lyrics flittering in her head.

The punk text tone on her bedside table sent lightning up Jimena’s spine. It was Vinciane’s favourite song. The text was accompanied by a poorly shot photo.

I put a gold bath bomb in and now the bathwater looks like piss. FML. Gonna kill myself, brb.

Jimena responded a little later than she had hoped, taking time to craft her text.

Is that a toaster in your bathtub or are you happy to see me?

Vinciane’s next text pushed Jimena’s heart up to her throat.

¿Por qué no los dos? Btw, you almost had me fooled today. Almost convinced me your verbal coming out shitpost was real. Excellent job, my love 😉

Oh, yeah. Shitpost. 

Jimena pulled her numerous blankets on top of her body and rolled around until she was caved in by warmth. It did little to bring a smile back to her face, but at least she could bury herself and perhaps never come out.

The pity party was crashed by her mother calling her to the dinner table. She had no choice but to crawl out of her blanket cocoon and enjoy a nice meal of… supermarket tacos.

Two thoughts battled for prominence in Jimena’s mind. The first was wondering how her parents could have possibly come from Mexico when they had the most Americanised tastes. 

The second was the reopening of the recent wound caused by her friend.

¿Por qué no los dos?

Her mother heard her sigh and asked her how school was. Jimena shrugged, using the beef and lettuce in her mouth as an excuse not to talk. Her mother didn’t buy it. Not that she ever could, what with Jimena resting her feet on the table and scowling at no one in particular.

After lecturing her on keeping the table clean, she asked, ‘Why must you always wear those shoes? Is this because of that girl?’

As Jimena managed to prove, swallowing food in an unambiguously angry way was something humans could do. A light clink hit everyone’s ears as she kicked the salt shaker, causing it to collide with her mother’s plate.

‘Leave her out of this,’ Jimena said in the clipped voice of someone who wanted to yell but knew she would receive a yell in return.

Her father tried to speak calmly. Emphasis on ‘tried’.‘We’re just a little concerned that you’ve, well, been acting differently since befriending her. You used to be such a bright girl. And why won’t you wear the dresses I made you?’ His voice cracked a little at the question.

‘Well, maybe you should make clothes that I actually want to wear.’

‘I don’t appreciate that tone, young lady,’ her mother chastised her, raising her voice even louder. There it was: the yell.

‘Well, you’re going to hear that tone a lot longer if you don’t shut the hell up!’ 

Jimena shouted, getting out of her seat and storming off to her room. She then went back into the dining room to retrieve her tacos and brought them to her room. 

She took her phone out and texted with one hand while holding one taco in the other.

My parents can step in dog shit while stuck in a time loop. Shit on their shoes for all eternity.

After a few minutes that felt more like fifty, Vinciane responded in an almost insultingly short text.

Mood

Rather than take the length as an insult, Jimena held her phone to her chest and giggled. She was unsure whether it was the heat from the phone or something else that made her heart feel so warm.

That sensation didn’t last long when she remembered that Vinciane lived with her aunt. She immediately texted an apology. She didn’t have to wait long before getting a message back.

Don’t sweat it. If I lived under their house, I would have to live under their rules. My aunt gets me better anyway. She’s even okay with my nose ring.

The two continued texting through the night, and not once did Jimena admit to looking forward to going to school the next day. 

The day that followed involved Vinciane skipping class and, without even asking her, being followed by Jimena. Vinciane sat by the pond, a place students weren’t allowed to be within ten feet of, and took out a cigarette. Upon seeing the horrified look on Jimena’s face, she chuckled and lowered her eyelids until they were half-closed.

‘You worried these will turn me from a dyke to a fag?’ she asked in a strong Cockney accent. ‘Don’t worry, love, I would never leave you.’ She took a drag of the cigarette and opened her eyes fully, returning to her original accent. ‘Oh, speaking of which, any guys you think are cute?’

‘None as cute as you,’ Jimena murmured, then gulped when she saw that Vinciane heard her. The stone she was sitting on started feeling mighty uncomfy.

‘No, but seriously. No one? There’s a guy who’s got my eye- what’s wrong?’

Jimena was looking down, focusing her eyes on the hem of her plaid skirt as she fiddled with it. Anything to stop tears from falling.

‘I’m gay.’ A laugh came from Jimena’s mouth out of habit. 

Vinciane joined in. ‘Yeah, yeah. So which guy do you like?’

Jimena shrugged. ‘No one at this stupid school.’

‘Fair point.’ Some of the smoke reached Jimena, who couldn’t help but cough. This earned a snicker from Vinciane. Jimena pouted and reached for the other girl’s cigarette packet. Vinciane guarded it with her free hand. ‘I don’t think you’re ready for that. Wait ‘til you stop sounding like you’re dying of tuberculosis.’

‘No way. If I’m going out, it’s gonna be human mad cow disease that takes me down.’

‘Or AIDs.’

Jimena smiled and gave Vinciane a finger gun. ‘Or AIDS.’ The two were silent for a moment as Vinciane finished her cigarette. She squished the butt into the ground and stood up, stretching her arms and yawning. 

‘Um, why exactly do you go to school anyway if you’re going to skip class?’ Jimena eventually asked.

Vinciane brushed her fingers through her hair. The sight took Jimena’s breath from her. ‘I mean, you’re here. And where else am I going to go?’

Jimena didn’t know how to respond to that, not that her airless lungs would have allowed her to respond at all. All she could really do was look away from Vinciane’s plump lips and pray that she would soon be able to breathe properly again.

A decision managed to get air pumping through her veins again. She was going to come out for real, and she was going to make it as convincing as possible.

At home that night, she jotted down ideas for this ceremony onto her notes app. The following morning, she gave Vinciane vague details about an announcement she planned to make and a song she would use to do it.

‘Is this another one of your coming out ceremonies? This might be your most over the top one yet. Looking forward to it.’

‘No, no, it’s quite different. Okay, so for the announcement song, I will sing it to you and you’ll sit there all surprised.’

‘What will you be announcing?’

‘I have to make sure you look surprised.’

‘You saying I can’t act?’ Vinciane asked as she crossed her arms.

‘That’s not what I mean! I just want the song to be a surprise to everyone, including you. I may dance around you, by the way, so don’t be surprised by that. Focus on the content.’

‘So where are you going to say… er, sing this announcement?’

‘The cafeteria at lunch, two weeks for now. That should be long enough to write and rehearse a song, right?’

‘I guess. So are you going to play the song on your acoustic guitar?’

‘I was thinking of asking the music department to borrow one of their electric guitars. I think the song would be cool with a punk edge.’

‘Good luck getting one in two weeks. And an electric guitar kind of needs a band with it, so you’ll be spending a lot of those two weeks trying to get bandmates. Won’t the song be more, I don’t know, sincere sounding if it’s acoustic?’

‘You think so? You sure it wouldn’t be fake deep? I don’t want to sound like some hipster dude trying to pick up a girl at a coffee shop.’

‘If the lyrics are sincere, an acoustic guitar will highlight them. I doubt you’ll sound pretentious.’ 

Jimena took a deep breath and put her fist in her other hand as she exhaled. ‘Okay, I’ve got this.’

Vinciane stroked Jimena’s hair, not noticing the warmth radiating from the other’s cheeks. ‘I know you do.’ 

Instead of hanging out with Vinciane, Jimena spent lunchtime putting lyrics into her phone. Vinciane kept walking up to her and trying to sneak a glance, but Jimena’s screen-covering reflexes were way too good.

At home, Jimena continued typing on her phone, even during dinner. Cue the nagging from both her parents, whom she ignored.

As she lay in bed, she tried to continue typing away but the claws of doubt picked at her brain. She sat on her side, listening to the scarce sounds surrounding her. Her ears picked up the whir of a sewing machine, a sound that pulled her up like the strings of a marionette. After listening for a while with her eyes closed, the familiarity of the sound lulled her back down onto the bed.

She knew exactly what was going on and was tempted to tell her father not to bother, but the sound softened the pillow she lay on. She let it play in the background like an ambient album full of rain sounds.

Before she could fall asleep, and boy was she tempted to, an idea popped into her head. She sat up again and grabbed her guitar, playing riffs in time with her father’s sewing. The plucking of her guitar mirrored the sound of the needle.

She made a new note on her phone and wrote new lyrics referencing the sewing terms she could remember her father mentioning. Half an hour later, she put the phone down and got into her pajamas. 

The first thing Jimena saw when she woke up was a finished dress hanging from the doorknob. A piece of paper was taped to the hanger, saying, ‘For when you perform your next song’. She smiled until she received a text from Vinciane. She pictured Vinciane scrunching her nose at her and tossed the dress next to the bin tucked in the corner of her room.

The following lunchtime, it was Take Two for Vinciane’s attempts to uncover Jimena’s lyrics. Once again, she failed.

‘Come on, can’t you show me a little bit?’

‘For the last time, no!’

A pout stayed on Vinciane’s lips for the rest of the day. 

When she dropped her backpack by her bed, Jimena saw the dress her father had made neatly folded on the bed. She sighed and threw it back towards the bin, narrowly missing it. The next few days were a pattern of the dress appearing folded on the bed and her throwing it in the bin. Each day, her father’s shoulders drooped further and further until he looked like a caveman with depression.

During those days Vinciane didn’t pry any longer and instead spent the time sitting next to Jimena and offering words of encouragement as the girl silently edited her own lyrics. She reached for Jimena’s free hand but Jimena wriggled out of her grasp to start typing with two hands.

Once again, Vinciane pouted for the remainder of the day.

Jimena practised over and over again at home, at least until her mother yelled at her to knock it off. The ���knock it off’ point was at 10 o’clock at night. She gave her mother the middle finger but did indeed knock it off.

However, she continued adjusting the sheet music and playing the song in her head well into the night. Naturally, this led to her coming to school with bags under her eyes and little patience for Vinciane’s gestures of friendliness. Apparently a quick, non-invasive question about how the song was going was enough to set off an atomic bomb.

‘Shut it, Vinny!’

Vinciane blinked and stepped back. ‘Sorry.’

Jimena almost apologised too but couldn’t bring the words out. Vinciane made sure not to bother her until the two weeks were up.

Having her muse not by her side made it both easier and more difficult to practice the song. On the one hand, more time to herself without worrying about the secret getting out. On the other, no words of support and no one to look at when she needed a boost of inspiration. Doubt’s claws scratched at her psyche again.

That night, she sat in the dark, Vinciane’s verging-on-tears face playing over and over in her head like a scratched CD. 

The morning of the performance day was the same as usual, complete with the neatly folded dress on the bed. Jimena groaned as she shoved the dress into her backpack.

Vinciane didn’t show up at class. Alarms rang in Jimena’s ears. What if the most important audience member wasn’t there for the performance?

After changing at the beginning of lunch, she wasted valuable rehearsal time searching the school for Vinciane. She wasn’t at the pond nor behind the gardener’s shed where the druggies usually hung out. 

It was five minutes before the end of lunch by the time she found Vinciane in a classroom. The same classroom Vinciane would have been in that morning had she not skipped class.

Vinciane’s eyes popped out of their sockets upon seeing Jimena in the dress. Its colour was not unfamiliar- black, as always. However, it was frilly and lacy and buoyant, paired with knee-high socks and a little bonnet. It was utterly adorable.

As soon as the shock wore off, she glared at her. ‘Come to tell me to shut it?’ Jimena tightened her grip on her acoustic guitar. ‘Or maybe you want to take me to the cafeteria so everyone can hear the song you refused to show me.’

Jimena stepped closer and began playing the guitar. She breathed in, then out, then in again. 

‘You pull me in... like a thread caught in a sewing machine.’ She pronounced the last syllable of ‘machine’ pretty weakly to get it to rhyme with ‘in’.

She continued. ‘I don’t know where this is going. This sin.... gives me pins and needles, you’re giving me the feels. Now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.’

She strummed the guitar rapidly, sending a warm sound to a smiling Vinciane. ‘I’m really sorry if I’m bursting at the seams. It’s so hard standing next to the girl of my dreams. When you’re edgy, I keep folding like a hem. It’s so hard to admit that you’re my favourite femme.’

Vinciane’s cheeks went red while Jimena’s playing slowed down. ‘Your jokes leave me in stitches but my foot’s in my mouth. I want to tell you how I feel but I don’t know how.’

Jimena circled around Vinciane’s chair, speeding up her strumming. Her heart was beating faster than the song but, for the first time, she wasn’t going to back out now.

She returned to the tune she started with. ‘Well, I’m as straight... as the hem of a big swing skirt. Don’t hate, I’m not looking to get hurt. A date... would be wonderful, don’t judge. My feelings simply won’t budge and I feel like this might as well be fate.’

It was time for the outro. ‘No, this is no joke. No this is no prank. I’m gay as fuck and with some luck, I got you in my ranks. This is the real me and yes, my heart is true. I’m not that tough, it’s all a bluff. Just know that I like you.’

Vinciane looked into Jimena’s eyes and saw the sincerity in them. She stood up and whispered in her ear, sending tingles down her spine.

‘You didn’t need to act tough, you know. I’d have liked you either way.’

‘Um, so about that guy you have your eye on-’ Jimena asked.

‘Oh, that?’ Vinciane’s smirk returned as she put her index finger against her own lips. ‘That was a lie. Just wanted to test the waters, plus I didn’t know how to tell you. You won’t get mad at me for that, right?’

Jimena shook her head and then rubbed the back of her neck. ‘So, uh, how does a date sound?’

‘Make it two. Then we can get a U-Haul. I’m still making the sandwiches, by the way. I’ve seen you in Home Ec and you kind of suck in the kitchen.’

Jimena giggled and grabbed her hand as the two walked out of the classroom. ‘Sounds like a plan. But for now, we should just focus on how to convince everyone else that we’re a couple for real this time.’

Vinciane shrugged. ‘Does it matter? I know and you know. Who cares what the others think?’

The bell rang and Vinciane followed Jimena into another classroom. During class, they spent less time listening to the teacher and more times sneaking glances at each other. Vinciane played with the ribbon attached to Jimena’s bonnet, twirling the pretty fabric around her finger. Jimena ran her kitten-heeled shoe over the spikes on Vinciane’s boot, smiling at the rough sound.

[hellocheyenne-ashe]

The Online Influences Of Today

           The internet is a millennial. Officially born and released to the public in 1990 through the studies and efforts of  Tim Burners-Lee, this unfathomable idea of an untouchable “network of networks” (Andrews) had finally become a reality. As the host of our world’s most vast and fast-paced culture, no one could have predicted the extensive influence of the internet. As of today, it is one of the world’s most prevalent and important cultures shaping the radical behavior, trends and outlook of modern society.

           Despite growing from “738 million in 2000 to 3.2 billion in 2015…” (Davidson) the internet still retains a sense of community. Different social media platforms cater to different personalities but there are common threads that tie it all together, into one cohesive virtual civilization.  A civilization is based on and unified by its traditions and customs and the internet is no different. Defined majorly by around-the-clock contact and instant updates from anywhere in the world with access, communication no longer has borders.  Wi-fi culture has allowed this to be the most inclusive and boundless group of people yet. With translate buttons at our fingertips, language is no longer an insurmountable barrier.  Because language barriers are few and far between on the internet, everything from businesses to friendships flourishes.

           Cyberspace does come with its own vernacular, as does every enclave. The closest thing online dialects and communication can be compared to is abstract art and cave paintings. The slang used, the sarcastic humor and the images sent and received are all biased toward those who are aware of and relate to their context. For example, gifs are the tiny and pixelated images on a loop that move for just long enough to convey your point. If someone finds out that their friend has just been broken up with, a gif of a cat being scared and jumping straight up could convey the kind of shock that is being felt without actual dialogue or human involvement.

           Common slang includes the term ��mood’, which tends to be connected to things sporadically and means “that object/event is something that can be identified with as an emotional feeling.” If one is having a bad day and sees a picture of a child who dropped his taco, one might respond with “Mood.” Another example would be one saying “There’s tea.” which would pertain to gossip or drama. Shortened words and acronyms such as omg, brb, btw, lmao, and af are also highly popular online. For most teenagers who have well developed online presences, including multiple social media profiles, their online vernacular tends to spill over into their daily language and life. One could bump into a trash can and say “Mood.” and one’s friends might respond with “Me too.” or “Same.” even though they did not physically bump into the trash can themselves.

           Internet culture would be incomplete without internet humor and some of it is quite complex. Lack of punctuation and proper capitalization is notorious among younger internet users, so when capital letters are used (see fig. 1) the context and tone are key to the delivery of what is being said. It is important to have the first sentence as a reference sentence so when the irregular capitalization is used in the second sentence it conveys a sense of mockery of what was originally being said, which is only amplified when paired with the photo below. Someone who was not aware of these unspoken grammar rules might see the same photo and only assume that Republicans have poor grammar.

           Other people are the biggest influence on  the internet. As opposed to the culture of a country or a city, the amount of people there are to be exposed to is almost impossible to comprehend. There are billions of people as far as the other side of the world, but also as close as just the other side of a cell phone screen. Everything is a tap, follow or like away. Online culture is having 134 million people check Instagram to see what Selena Gomez had for dinner during Fashion Week (Gomez).

           Food has created its own niche in social media and online platforms. Aesthetically pleasing food pictures are a core part of successful social profiles so much so that the visual aspect of food and marketability of their trendiness has flooded real world eateries. Starbucks previously launched a Unicorn Frappuccino because the pastel color scheme of the drink made it desirable for social media. In spite of its mediocre taste, people spent their money on it. Recent online food trends have also included the infusion of squid ink in food as an anti-pastel option, making the food of choice an abnormal black color instead. Squid ink is being included in ice creams, pancakes, doughnuts and spaghetti so far. This is just the beginning of wacky and wild food trends because food is a necessity and aesthetic is marketable.

           No culture is complete without honoring the ones that came before them and it is seen here through fashion. Vintage pieces become relevant and trendy again thanks to the supermodels posting their outfit of the day. Current online fashion is an art because it enforces the need to “…think nontraditionally and to be on the hunt for the next best thing” (Cummings). It is an homage to one’s parents and the trends that might have been decades prior. It is localized high fashion because getting dressed is now an art of expression. It is athletic but never sweaty, only sporty and coined as athleisure. The difference is crucial because to look too much like you actually just came from the gym would not be high fashion. The terms co-exist and serve as a balance for those who care enough to walk the line. Online is the new standard of style. Trendsetting is virtual, so fashion is the forefront.

           Following closely behind fashion, however, is dance trends. Upload a 30-second video of one’s dance moves and one might go viral. Trends like Whipping, Dabbing, or Juju On That Beat flood social networking sites, being retweeted and recreated again and again. These dances become so popular that they are almost universally recognizable in style and name.

           One of the most recognizable names on the internet is the folktale of Slenderman. Created via photoshop the original photo is a grainy black and white featuring Slenderman. He is characterized as having no face and abnormally long and stretched out limbs and causing death in numerous ways, shapes and forms but hardly by his own hand. The myth spread like a virus, “the legend had become so deeply embedded in the Web…that even its original creator, Victor Surge, couldn’t believe how much it had spread.” (Dewey)

In 2014, when two young girls from Wisconsin attacked their friend and left her for dead in the name of Slenderman, the world was shocked. Every town has a scary story, a boogie monster, but these girls truly believed in what they were seeing go viral. Their belief in him and his promises of immortality led them to attempt a sacrifice by stabbing their friend 17 times. The internet is not entirely to blame. It has been revealed that one of the attackers had early-onset schizophrenia. The girls were tried and convicted as adults. Most societies are susceptible to the darker influences at play, but none more so than the internet.

           The internet is something that has woven itself into almost every aspect of daily life. It is only logical that the behaviors and culture that are experienced on the World Wide Web would eventually bleed into real world societies. The integration and immersive qualities of the internet only further the proof that human bonds have no limits. When limits are broken radically like so, human kind is blessed with a new complex and inclusive culture unlike before. Everyone has a place on the internet, because people are what define human culture.

- Cheyenne Ashe 

[taegijae-blog]

BREAKFAST DELIVERY 10

pairing: 2jae

genre: fluff, if you squint there’s angst

word count: 3k

description: the school’s hottest boy im jaebum wants to get a certain boy’s number.  but the first problem is: he’s unhappy and not eating.

status: completed

note: this was originally posted on wakaba’s wattpad @/jaeholics

| part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |

Thank God the day following that event was a Saturday, otherwise he'd have to shamefully face the two hearts he managed to break in one day.

Jaebum rolled around in his bed, hugging on the blankets, mumbling incoherently to himself. He felt like absolute garbage. Seeing that his alarm clock read 10:37, he slumped out of bed and dragged himself down to the bathroom. The house was empty as usual, meaning he could totally throw a party that night. If, you know, he didn't feel like dying. As he squirted some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and madly scrubbed his pearly whites, he groaned as he stared at himself in the mirror. He knew he was a good looking guy whose looks would attract mostly every gal or guy. After rinsing out his mouth, he smacked some water across the mirror and blurred the reflection of his sad-looking self. For once, he wished he was ugly. Jaebum tiredly zombie-walked his way over to the kitchen, checking the fridge for any food that possibly could've been left for him. Seeing that it was empty except for some eggs and milk, he already knew that his plans would be to go out for both lunch and dinner. Opening a cupboard, he grabbed a box of fruity cereal and dumped it into a ceramic bowl, pouring milk in after doing so. His dear cat, Nora, crawled up to his feet and rubbed herself against the skin lovingly. "At least you're here," he muttered under his breath, slurping some milk from his bowl as he made his way to the couch. He turned on the television and stared dully at the skin, allowing his pet to crawl onto his lap and rest there. Realizing that he hadn't checked his phone in a while, Jaebum reached for it since it was laying on the coffee table. He turned it on, only to be met with over a hundred missed text messages. annoyed, he unlocked his phone and saw that a particular someone added him to a chat group overnight after he fell asleep, which was the main cause of the overload of messages. He squinted at his screen while he scrolled through the messages. It took him a while to realize that those numbers were familiar to him: Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung, and Choi Youngjae. The last message was sent a few hours ago, so he didn't bother sending anything to indicate that he read the chat. He put down his bowl of breakfast and became invested into the conversation they were having, feeling more and more uneasy. Nora jumped onto the table and quietly drank some of the milk as Jaebum's foot tapped in anxiousness. wango, 2 others [jype]: i'm muting this chat btw [wango]: bro I just want u to listen to my proposal [c.youngjae]: why do you even have my number?? [wango]: thats not important just listen rn [wango]: so jb hyung's like super depressed aight? [wango]: I HOPE HES READING THIS BTW WINK WINK [jype]: winking in text doesn't do anything [wango]: anyway [wango]: i want all three of you to meet up [wango]: and work this out together [wango]: i'm not going to interfere bc this is a u guys issue!! [wango]: u gotta fix it urselves arasso?? [c.youngjae]: ...how tho [wango]: there's a nice place in town [wango]: it's called Cafe A [wango]: all of three meet up there by 3 and talk it out!! [wango]: idc if you're busy or not [wango]: (unless ur planning to meet ur family bc then please go ahead and do that first family is first priority) [wango]: ARASSO?? [jype]: our 'talk' isnt going to last long, you know. [jype]: theres not much I can say

[jype]: it's always been a one sided thing anyway [jype]: i know he likes youngjae way more than he likes me [jype]: and i'm okay with that. [jype]: i just don't want to be thrown away because of that 'love' he has for him. [jype]: you reading this, youngjae? [c.youngjae]: yes, hyung... [jype]: good. [jype]: i don't hate you or anything. it's not like that.

[jype]: it's true that ive liked him since middle school [jype]: but I always knew that it'd ended up being like this [jype]: and how he isn't the kind of person to fall for his best friend [jype]: so I prepared myself for when this sort of thing happens   [jype]: it won't bother me, youngjae. go ahead and date him. [c.youngjae]: hyung, i [c.youngjae]: ...you have to understand that i don't really like him at the moment [c.youngjae]: i'm not sure if i'd agree to that [jype]: that's a shame [jype]: because a really great guy has a huge crush on you [jype]: and it's a waste for you to be ignorant about that. [wango]: ... [wango]: hoh my god  [wango]: i'm a rly good problem fixer

[wango]: jinyoung? 

[wango]: u still there?

[wango]: i guess not 

[jype]: i have plans for today. i'm not going to that cafe. [wango]: oh [wango]: well I guess it's fine now since u guys talked it out!! yeah!!! [wango]: youngjae, don't be discouraged! [wango]: both jaebum-hyung and jinyoung r amazing people [wango]: even tho they seem rly scary and act cold [wango]: its just their way of caring [wango]: ive known them for a long time [wango]: theyre literally the best friends ive ever had [wango]: jinyoung is a rly wise person, there's always a good reason to whatever he does [wango]: jaebum-hyung has sides to him that r like a dad or big brother that u can rely on [wango]: ... [wango]: youngjae??? [c.youngjae]: yeah [c.youngjae]: i'm listening [c.youngjae]: thank you, hyung [wango]: no problem man

[wango]: now go get that dick [c.youngjae]: ???? [wango]: jk jk lol [wango]: r u going to meet up w Jaebum-hyung at the cafe? it's a rly nice place I swear [c.youngjae]: maybe [c.youngjae]: i haven't heard what he says tho... [wango]: aw true [wango]: let me spam him brb [c.youngjae]: wait don't spam him;; what if he's just asleep?

[wango]: 

ugh ur too nice

[wango]:

fine I won't

[wango]:

i'll go spam markiepooh instead♥️♥️

[c.youngjae]:

...right

[c.youngjae]: the other number in this chat is Jaebum-hyung, right?

[wango]: yep!! slide into his dms boy

[c.youngjae]: ;;

Jaebum instantly realized the doom he was about to face.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He literally screamed at his phone, trying to do everything to prevent Youngjae from knowing.

It was probably too late.

[c.youngjae]: ?

[c.youngjae]: wait

[c.youngjae]: but

[c.youngjae]: ;;

[c.youngjae]: isnt that defsoul-hyung's number...

[c.youngjae]: ...it is

[c.youngjae]: hyung.

[c.youngjae]: ... [jaybee]: are you mad at me? [c.youngjae]: no

[c.youngjae]:  even though I did just find out you were double tricking me

[jaybee]: i never meant to make fun of you or anything

[jaybee]: about that party

[jaybee]: i knew bambam only as 'def soul'

[jaybee]: i'm sure you can also tell that he doesn't like me bc im known as that rude, popular shit called im jaebum

[jaybee]: and rapmon told me to come anyway

[jaybee]: btw his real name is namjams

[c.youngjae]: what's your point

[jaybee]: i want to have a second chance

[jaybee]: i know ive been a horrible person, hiding behind two identities just so I could talk to you

[jaybee]: please

[jaybee]: i only ever wanted to cheer you up

[c.youngjae]: ...

[c.youngjae]: i feel stupid for sending you all those messages

[c.youngjae]: no wonder you knew where I was and that I didn't have an umbrella

[c.youngjae]: i feel like you've played me and you probably did 

[c.youngjae]: but the def soul hyung I know is a caring person

[c.youngjae]: and if youre him

[c.youngjae]: then I can hope that your kindness is just as genuine

[c.youngjae]: because I think it's impossible to fake kindness like that

[c.youngjae]: let's meet up at three and talk

[jaybee]: i'll be there

[jaybee]: i won't be late.

Read at 11:07 AM ✓

His phone read 2:57 by the time he spotted Jaebum. He was standing right outside the promised cafe, scrolling through his own phone with his legs crossed. It surprised Youngjae to see that he was wearing a pair of wire-rimmed glasses and an oversized sweater, contrary to his usual attire of trendy clothes that showed off his nice build. He looked pretty hot, to be honest. Youngjae shook that thought out of his mind and approached Jaebum, acting as though he wasn't just staring at him a minute prior. "It isn't 3 yet," Youngjae said quietly, stuffing his hands into his hoodie. "I've been here for ten minutes. I just didn't want to be late," Jaebum replied with a tiny grin as if he wanted the younger's approval. Youngjae scoffed and went ahead into the building, ruining the other's plans of opening the door for him. They went up to the counter, both of them staring at the menu in a similar way. Both of their eyes twitched, cursing at Jackson mentally. "I'm glad Jinyoung decided not to come," Jaebum whispered to the other, faking a smile for the person behind the cash register. "Welcome to Cafe A, one of the first couples' cafe in this town," she smiled enthusiastically, probably a bit overwhelmed on the inside because she had two male customers coming together in her hands. Youngjae hid his face into a hand in embarrassment, and Jaebum wanted to die on the spot. "Would you like to order our monthly special 'love potions?'" she asked, pointing to the piece of paper on the counter. "No," Youngjae and Jaebum said simultaneously. Flustered because of how rude that sounded, Jaebum laughed sheepishly and shook his head. "I'll just have an iced Americano. And, Youngjae..." Youngjae squinted at the menu above them, saying, "I'll have some water." Jaebum's face abruptly switched to one of shock, nudging the younger gently with his elbow. 'Eat,' he mouthed. Youngjae grumbled, feeling like he was just scolded by his mother. "Nevermind. I'll have a melon smoothie." "Alright. that will be ₩6,500." His hand reached into his pocket to grab his wallet, but the taller Jaebum stopped him before he could go any further. Instead, he took out his own wallet and paid using a card. Youngjae squinted his eyes at the other. I bet he just wanted to show off. Stupid seniors. "Thank you. Please come to pick up your order once this starts to buzz," she said while handing over the circular device to Youngjae, who almost dropped it.To the surprise of both, she leaned forward and gestured for them to come closer. "The third floor is popular with... couples like you two," she whispered with a grin. Both boys shook their heads, trying to insist that they weren't that sort of couple. She didn't listen, only grinning happily. 'You guys are so cute!' she mouthed while making a thumbs up, leaving the two speechless as they searched for a table. "Maybe we should go to the third floor," Youngjae was heard mumbling. "But we're not a couple, unfortunately," Jaebum remarked, putting emphasis on the last word to express that he really did think it was unfortunate. "I mean, I'd be more than happy if we were, but-" "The people here are staring at us." Youngjae gestured with a subtle tilt of his chin, completely ignoring what the other had to say. It was true, though; quite a few of the other couples enjoying their food seemed to be whispering at the two. Jaebum scoffed and marched towards the staircase, Youngjae following quickly to avoid any more odd gazed from anyone there. As promised by the girl at the cash register, the third floor was filled with... ...gay. Youngjae's eyes couldn't ignore the variety(?) of couples that were there, enjoying their time together. At one table in the corner, there was someone resembling a llama sitting across from someone who appeared like a girl. He couldn't tell, that person just had long hair. At the opposite side of the room, he spotted a couple that consisted of someone narrow-eyed with bright mint hair, nodding at his partner, who had a radiant smile, while he ranted. At another table they passed by were two people who didn't stand out in particular except that they seemed to be speaking completely in Chinese. Beside their table were two rather young looking guys, the foreign-looking one teaching his partner how to say simple words in English. "I don't think there are any open tables, hyung..." Youngjae remarked with a pout after searching around the room. Jaebum nodded, thinking that they might end up having to sit outside or something. Just then, someone tapped his arm. he turned around to see two rather tall guys sitting at the table nearby, one of them looking highly emo. "Are you looking for a table? Ae can just move our stuff, there's space for you guys," the person who tapped his arm offered, his canine teeth showing as he smiled. "Oh, sure. Thank you." Once the other guys moved their belongings, Youngjae took the seat that was on the cushiony couch and Jaebum sat on the chair. "Are you guys from JYP high?" the person asked, sipping on his ice coffee. Jaebum nodded, leaning back while putting an arm over the chair in an assertive way. "We're from Pledis," he replied, making Jaebum go “Ooh.” No wonder they were wearing nice clothes and looked as though they had their hair done professionally. Although Pledis was a small school, it was a costly place to attend and its students sure did prove that. "God, I would've screamed if you guys were from SM." Almost everyone in the room quieted down when hearing that name as though it was a taboo. SM's school had the roughest teachers and classes by far, and its roughness most likely rubbed off on its students. The device Youngjae held flashed red lights out of nowhere and started buzzing, startling him. Jaebum took it from his hand and headed downstairs in order to grab their drinks. Once he was gone, the high-key emo person who hadn't said a thing leaned over to Youngjae. "Your boyfriend's hot," he said quietly. Youngjae's face flashed a bright pink. "He's not my boyfriend! I'm not dating him," he argued and pouted again. "Really? I think he likes you from the way he looks at you, though," the person sitting across said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "What's his name?" "Im Jaebum." Someone dropped their fork in the distance as the person almost choked on his straw. "That's... him? He's Im Jaebum?" he asked, clearly as confused as Youngjae was. someone a few tables next to them whispered, “Holy shit, that was Im Jaebum?” "Yes?" Youngjae tilted his head, not understanding what all the fuss was about. "Goodness," he sighed while shaking his head. "He's a literal legend at Pledis." Youngjae's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by that?" "How do you, his boyfriend, not know about this?" he fanned himself with his hand, accidentally hitting himself in the face. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. "Anyway, the Pledis legend. Im Jaebum. He used to go to Pledis for his freshman year, I think. But somehow, he ended up becoming the school's first ever student to be full on expelled." Youngjae's mouth dropped when hearing this. He wasn't even sure if his best friends Jinyoung or Jackson knew about this. "One of the biggest idol companies—you know, the ones with idol groups and all that—scouted him during his freshman year, right on our campus. The story about that flew all over school and he became a living legend. Everyone wanted to his friend." "How come you didn't recognize him earlier if he's that well known?" Youngjae asked in a dazed tone, not quite able to wrap his head around all the information he just absorbed. "Are you kidding me? He used to be one of the shortest guys in the class. He had mushroom hair and wore huge glasses every day." "Okay..." Youngjae peered over to the staircase to see if was Jaebum was back or not. He wanted to hear more of the details, wishing he wouldn't be back for another five minutes. "Well, why was he expelled?" "There was this group of seniors that made fun of him a lot, and I guess he was just fed up with him," he explained with a shrug, shaking around his cup. "What did he do?" "He poisoned them." That was the point where Youngjae didn't believe the story anymore. "No, that's stupid—" "He baked them a nice batch of cookies that made them vomit the next day. They told the principal on him," the boy paused in order to snap his fingers, "and just like that, he was gone." Youngjae was speechless, only his eyes blinking as the rest of his body was frozen. He was so confused, mostly because he couldn't believe that someone who seemed genuinely kind like the 'Def Soul' person he knew would do such thing. At the staircase, he could see a glimpse of Jaebum walking up with two cups in his hands. "Are you afraid that he'll do something like that again?" the person asked. "If you are, I don't think you should be. I can tell his attitude has changed a lot since freshman year, and he's probably trying to get a fresh start." Jaebum sat back down in his seat across from the still shocked Youngjae. He waved his hand in front of him, wondering if he was even alive. "Yah, Im Jaebum!" the person smacked his arm out of nowhere. “What—ah, shit," Jaebum cursed under his breath once he realized that that person currently attended pledis, the place of his unforgettable past. "I can't believe it's actually you. hey, i'm mingyu. remember me?" Jaebum's eyes widened as though he was reminded of something unpleasant, but he played it cool and sighed. "Yes, yes, I do. What do you want?" The one sitting across from mingyu tapped his watch, indicating something about time. He nodded his head and hurriedly threw on his jacket, grabbing his things. "Sorry, I would talk more but there's something I have to do." Before he left the table, he leaned down towards Jaebum's ear and whispered softly.

“Don't break that cutie's heart, okay?”

[missamerichale]

perched poolside: Punta day 3

I awoke on Friday morning with a jolt of excitement and energy, because we were only planning on doing 1 thing that day: NOTHING!! My God, this is my most favorite thing to do on vacations. Don’t get me wrong, I love going on adventures, but you can’t have a solid vacay without spending at least 1 or 2 days doing absolutely nada.

I threw on my ball cap, swimsuit, sprayed down in sunscreen, and we made our way to the Theater to access wifi for .2 seconds before getting breakfast (our first “real” breakfast at the resort!) and then hitting the pool. Breakfast was lit. As mentioned earlier, the food at this place kind of sucked, but you guys know how much I love breakfast. They had pancakes, omelettes, scrambled eggs, fruit (that PINEAPPLE though), taters and more. I was in breakfast buffet heaven. Note: I didn’t drink coffee 1 day on this entire trip which is pretty miraculous, considering I usually get a raging headache if I don’t have at least one cup of that brown good good before 8AM every day.

After the chow down, we walked straight over to the pool with the swim up bar. 

Is it sad I asked one of the employees if the bar was open at 9AM? No, because it was open, as a matter of fact. 

Also, first time I ever experienced a swim up bar, you guys!! It was AMAZE!! I’ll post some pictures later. We quickly became bffs with the bartender, Luis, who was whipping us up more rum and cokes at top speed and even took a selfie with us. We chilled ALL DAY at the pool, soaking up sun, getting drink refills, hanging out in the “bubble pool” which looked like a giant hot tub but really just contained pool-temperature water, and people watching. We took a break to get lunch (a.k.a. basically a plate of potatoes and pineapple because that was the only somewhat tasty food in there), and wandered back outside for a while more before getting ready for dinner.

That night, we made reservations at the “American BBQ” restaurant, and you guys, that place made me LOL so hard. First off, we walk inside and they have soccer or something (sports) playing on two flatscreens in the back. None of the other culturual restaurants had this, but OK. Then... we hear the music that’s playing. Drumroll PLEASE....

Huntin’, Fishin’ and Lovin’ everyday by Luke Bryan. HELL yah!! MURICA!!

The music selection was my fav portion of dinner - it ranged from Luke Bryan to Celine Dion to Alicia Keys??? It was so all over the place I legit felt like I was getting music whiplash. But, I was totally digging it, because it was the first English music I ever heard them play since we arrived (aside from Bruno Mars on the catamaran). 

We ordered burgers and fries for dinner. The burgers were... different. They didn’t taste like regular meat? Correy and Liv stopped eating theirs a few bites in. I made it halfway before calling it quits. The fries (POTATOES) were pretty lit though. BRB while I go on a strict potato diet.

We decided to rush through dessert so we could go to the buffet and try to find some better food there. That was really hopeful of us, because we knew the buffet kind of sucked, but it was still a nice night. That’s when screaming lady walked in. And yes, of course, she was American.

Can I just say that we, as Americans, probably represented a minority of people there? Everyone at the resort spoke Spanish - some didn’t know any English. And there were people from ALL over the world: Russia, France, Italy, Sweden, Germany and more. Probably every country. Languages flying around all over the place. We were immersed in global cultures ya’ll.

ANYWAY, screaming lady, walks into the buffet and stops right in the middle of the buffet area, near the main food station. I would say there are a good 200+ people in here getting dinner at this time. It was packed and almost every table was full. Lucky for us, we had front seat views to her mental breakdown.

She was on the phone and began to scream, and I mean SCREAM, “YOU BETTER GET THE F**K OVER HERE NOW I SWEAR TO GOD. I’M NOT F**KING PLAYING GAMES. YOU WANT TO F**K AROUND?” and everyone stopped what they were doing and were just staring at her basically. I think at one point I actually put my head in my hands, ashamed to be sharing the same language as this lady.

“I AM SCREAMING IN THE BUFFET AND DISTURBING EVERYONE BECAUSE OF YOU. DO YOU F**KING GET IT. I WILL CONTINUE TO SCREAM HERE BECAUSE OF YOU UNTIL YOU GET YOUR A** OVER HERE.” I was like please lord jesus and mary someone SAVE OUR SOULs from this DEMON!!!

In a minute or two, which seemed like FOREVER, she stormed away and was to never be seen again. But what was she screaming about??? We spent a good 30 minutes gossiping at our table about what it could have been after she disappeared.

Theories:

- Her husband/boyfriend/friend was late to dinner (super minor offense but maybe she’s sensitive)?

- Her husband/boyfriend/friend left the resort and was hanging with some other ladies (this seemed more realistic to us)

-It was her children messing around and they were late to dinner?? (I sure hope she wasn’t dropping the F-bombs to her kid like that but by the way she functioned I wouldn’t be entirely surprised).

It was a gd rollercoaster ride. And you guys. It doesn’t end here.

Enter, small girl to the bread table.

She was probably like 7 years old. Again, we had front row seats (clutch). There was a table literally full of stacks and stacks of bread: rolls, slices, and full out loafs you could even cut yourself (which were AMAZE, btw). Small girl proceeds to lift herself onto the side of the table with her hands so she can lean in and look at the rolls in the middle. There were like 200 but apparently she needed to get a good look at all of them. While this is happening, her hair is whisping all over the loafs. She like legit yeeted her body on to the bread table. We just oculdn’t believe it. We were loling but also grossed out at the same time.

Then, she attempts to reach for a roll in the way back, almost falling on the bread, missing, and then settling for a smaller piece. THEN. (it’s not over yet). She proceeds to grab a loaf BY HER BARE HANDS, cut off a piece, take it, and miserably fail to put it into the toaster in which she thought she was for sure going to catch something on fire. 

She walked away with her 384928374 pieces of bread unscathed.

And whenever we saw her later on at the resort, we would say “hey look, it’s our friend!” and “wonder if she yeeted herself onto the bread table today.”

Disturbing, but highly entertaining.

Adios amigos!!! Logging off so I can eat another frozen meal and cry.

Hales

[enlit12ww]

Congratulations! You have a new match!

This is the third time I have read the same six words today. I just turned 20 yesterday and yet I still haven’t engaged in a romantic relationship. It’s not that no guy has ever tried making a move. In fact, I can’t even count the number of men I rejected in the past. It’s just every guy I meet doesn’t fit my type. Some were too lanky, others lacked definition, and most looked unappealing.

This is why I recently signed up on Tinder[1], the ever-so famous dating app[2], hoping to finally see the one. With a single swipe[3], I can easily snatch any good-looking guy. But then most of the time, the attractive men were either tactless, rude or even worse, vulgar.

“Could be just another troll[4]”, I muttered under my breath as the sound of the ping[5] didn’t excite me as much anymore.

Lam-Ang, 22, Manila. Hello! I am awfully new to Tinder, so I apologize to the people I accidentally swiped right on!

I found myself giggling as I read over his bio[6]. I’d love a humorous man. However, the real deal lies on this random stranger’s photos. Why were there only two? Perhaps, he still wasn’t familiar with the app. Lam-Ang’s only photos were him smiling with a dog by the beach and him on top of a mountain. Well, I couldn’t see his face on the second photo, but from the first one, my jaw instantly dropped. Lam-Ang was probably over six feet tall. He had broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw. His furrowed eyebrows were offset by the boyish grin he had painted on his face. He was gorgeous.

“Very charming… Well, here goes nothing”, I sighed as I had my fingers crossed while staring at the three dots[7] on our empty conversation box.

Hello, Ines! Please know that I didn’t accidentally swipe right this time!

Hi! Oh, really now?

Yes. Btw[8], you can call me Lam.

How would I know you aren’t just being polite, Lam?

I swear I really am telling the truth.

You swear?

Yes. Trust me. Anyway, how’s your day going?

My day’s been pretty much normal. Nothing exciting. Hbu[9]?

Well, I’m still getting the hang of this Tinder thing. I never thought it would be this complicated.You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. I remember on my first day I unintentionally swiped right on a guy twice my age. It was sad because I didn’t know how to respectfully turn down his sugar daddy[10] offer.

Oh, damn. That’s unlucky.

I know I felt bad.

Not for him. For you! It’s not every day you get an offer like that.

WOW. Are you fr[11]?

I was kidding! Brb[12], Hayley stepped on a fork and now she’s crying.

Who’s Hayley?

Oh, Hayley’s my dog! The cute pup on my profile is her.

____________

Lam and I conversed day and night, for days and weeks. He was such a breath of fresh air. His charming personality added an intensity to his good looks which I absolutely admired. Our relationship was actually going way better than I expected, but the problem was that he would always be unavailable when I wanted to meet up or video chat. I was starting to become skeptical, so one day, I dropped the bomb[13].

Hey, Lam. Is there something wrong?

What do you mean? What made you say that?

It’s because you’d always start to slow-fade[14] whenever I try to initiate a video call or a meet up.

Hey, I don’t do that. I’m just really busy these past few days. I’ll make it up to you.

Okay, if that’s what you say. So, are you free Friday night?

Friday night? Er, I have a dinner with my friends.

But that’s what you said last week! Don’t you think it’s time for us to finally meet in person?

Alright, I’m sorry. Let’s meet up at that restaurant you love near your place.

Great! I can’t wait!

____________

It was Friday. The day I get to finally meet the man of my dreams. I put on my favorite red dress and arrived at my favorite restaurant just on time.

I scanned the bar for a guy wearing a white button-down. Finally, I see him seated at the farthest corner. From afar, I could already tell that he was skinnier than I expected. As I was walking towards him, I got confused. The guy wearing the white button-down was nowhere near the beautiful man I saw on Tinder. He was slim and angular, and his features were not as striking. Immediately, I turned around. Perhaps, that wasn’t him. I looked for another guy wearing a white button-down, but then to my surprise, someone tapped my shoulder.

It was him. The scrawny guy.

“Ines?”, he mentioned with a bashful and somewhat embarrassed tone.

“How do you know me? Who are you?”

“It’s me, Lam”, he answered and with that, I stormed out.

“No, you aren’t Lam. Lam is six feet tall with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw. He is gorgeous, breathtaking even. He’s nothing like you!”, I said as my tone increased.

“This is me. I’m so sorry, Ines. This is why I didn’t want to meet up. I had a feeling you would react this way. I didn’t know how else to tell you because I really liked you and I thought telling you about the truth would just ruin everything”, he tried to explain.

“Well, you just did. I can’t believe you catfished[15] me!”, I retorted.

“Are you really this dense, Ines? I genuinely apologize for having to cover what I look like but do know that everything else was sincere. I really like you, but now that you think of it that way, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who has superficial and hollow ideas of what love and beauty are”, Lam said as he walked away.

1  Tinder: Tinder is the world’s most popular app for meeting new people. It is a location-based social search mobile app that allows users to like (swipe right) or dislike (swipe left) other users, as well as permits users to chat if both parties swiped to the right. It is a platform commonly used by young adults ages 18 to 24 in order to engage in a sexual or romantic relationship.

2  App: App is short for the term application which means a downloadable software for a mobile device.

3  Swipe: Swiping is central to Tinder’s design. Users swipe right to “like” potential matches and swipe left to “dislike” or continue on searching for other potential matches.

4  Troll: An internet troll is someone who actively go out of their way to cause trouble on the internet. Their intent in engaging in social media platforms are commonly for disruptive and misleading purposes - often for no real reason at all.

5  Ping: A ping is the sound a mobile device makes whenever it receives a notification.

6  Bio: Bio is short for biography which is a space allotted for users to introduce themselves on the Internet.

7  Three dots: The three dots in an application refer to the opposite user typing a message.

8  Btw: An abbreviation for ‘by the way’

9  Hbu: An abbreviate for ‘how about you?’

10  Sugar daddy: A sugar daddy is a rich older man who lavishes gifts on a young woman in return for her company or sexual favors. An attractive young woman and a generous older man engaged in this type of relationship is termed as a sugar baby relationship.

11  Fr: An abbreviation for ‘for real’

12  Brb: An abbreviation for ‘be right back’

13  Drop the bomb: To drop the bomb is to do or say something very shocking and unexpected.

14  Slow-fade: Slow-fading is where a person slowly winds down contact with the other person he or she has been dating, leaving longer and longer between replies.

15  Catfishing: A catfish is someone who adopts a fictional online persona, particularly to lure someone into a relationship and to pursue deceptive online romances. Catfishers would often use fake profile pictures, names and even genders. The term “catfishing” gained popularity after the 2010 film Catfish. The movie is based on the story of a man named Yaniv Schulman who fell in love with a girl online who was actually using a fake identity.

[gotermina]

Shadow’s Dungeon Reviews: The Legend of Zelda: Death Mountain (FINALE)

Welcome back to the Legend of Zelda Dungeon Reviews! This is it. The final dungeon. The one you’ve all been waiting for. And I have to go to dinner… brb!

Back. Sorry about yet another delay. But this is the final dungeon! So it might be the final delay… probably not. Anyway, this dungeon is, if you haven’t already guessed:

LEVEL 9: DEATH MOUNTAIN

Hit the jump for the review by me, ShadowSect!

Here’s how I review dungeons again:

Dungeon Design (15 Points): Is the dungeon linear or complex? If linear, was it meant to be linear?  If complex, does it have unfair frustration? Does the gamer have much of a choice? Is there reasoning to what you have to do?

Visuals (15 Points): Does the dungeon look the part? Is the music good? Is the dungeon believable? If not, does it impact the dungeon? Does the overall mood of the dungeon bring chills up your spine?

Gameplay (15 Points): Is there a lot to do? Does the dungeon take full use of the item you’re given? If there is no item, is there a major hook that grabs you in this dungeon? Is the playstyle repetitive and does it get in the way of your playing?

Enemies (15 Points): Is there a variety of enemies in this dungeon? Does that variety fit the dungeon theme? Do the enemies bring a challenge and are entertaining? Is the miniboss or boss good, or does it fall flat? Would you battle the enemies again?

Puzzles (15 Points): Do the puzzles challenge your brain and treat you like you’re a functioning human? Are the puzzle rewards worth it? Is there unfair consequences to getting something wrong? Do the puzzles fit with the theme? Do the puzzles involve the dungeon item?

Challenge (10 Points): Is the dungeon too hard or too easy? Is it so linear that there’s no way to get lost? Is it very possible to die in this dungeon? If it is too easy, is it a fault of the game or the dungeon? Does the challenge work with how far you are in the game?

Fun Factor (15 Points): What did the dungeon make me feel like when I was in it and when I left it? Do I want to do it again? Was it entertaining and did I ever get bored? Was it too short or too long? Is there anything to enjoy in this dungeon that doesn’t end up as repetitive?

Now, the epic review awaits!

*Cue Michael Jackson’s “This is It”* This dungeon. THIS dungeon is… WOW. It’s AWESOME! What a great way to end a game, and this dungeon is really good. To all those people who say, “but it’s SOOOOOOooooOOOOOooo difficult”, shut your face. I suck at this game and I still had a lot of fun with the dungeon. Definitely my personal favorite of the game, but I’ll try not to impose my opinions on you too much.

Disclaimer: You get the picture. It’s on the frickin NES. It’s going to be forgiving. Another Disclaimer: This dungeon review is 25% influenced by what Rabbidluigi says about this dungeon, which I completely agree with, and I absolutely recommend that you should check out his channel. It’s fantastic. But the other 75% is my own dang opinion, and believe me, there’s a lot of it… and facts. Don’t forget facts.

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Dungeon Design (15): It’s the final dungeon, the last hoorah in what is overall a great game, and Nintendo is going to put it out with a bang. So of course the dungeon design is going to be pretty difficult. The dungeon is a labyrinth, with 50 rooms with swarms of enemies including dozens of Wizzrobes and the difficult Patras alike. There’s many rooms, bombable walls, secret passages, Old Men, and minibosses alike. And with the aspect of a labyrinth, it is not linear at ALL. There are a lot of secret passages that lead to other sides of the map that make this dungeon difficult without a dungeon map, a compass, or even a cheat sheet that you can write down on. Unfortunately, it’s very, very easy to get lost in this dungeon, and I couldn’t get through this dungeon without a walkthrough, especially on my minimalist run without the Magical Key, and the design of some rooms have their own unfair frustration, but that can be slightly forgiven since it’s the last dang dungeon, despite no hints to the passageways. 14 points.

Here’s a cheat sheet btw, if you need it when you get there (THANKS ZD):

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Visuals (15): Finally that music is gone and replaced with a sick beat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps3jZCfha4c This music is killer, and it certainly boosts the mood for a final dungeon. The music has this drumming beat like a heartbeat that rhythms with your health when it’s low, which is pretty good, and the melody is full of accidentals that complement the enemies you face. The dungeon itself, however, is thankfully better than before. The white background was already shown in Level 8, but the design of the dungeons isn’t repetitive anymore thanks to the increasing difficulty and the “no mercy” enemies that you face. It doesn’t look too old at all. And the red water in the dungeons? OMG. 15 points.

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Gameplay (15): Huge dungeon, my friend. Huge dungeon indeed. To start with, there are 2 main items you can get in this dungeon: The Red Ring that lowers enemy damage even more than the blue ring: 

(and is totally worth it for the amount of enemies you face in the dungeon and the reward for all the enemies you faced to get to it), and the legendary Silver Arrows that Link requires in order to defeat Ganon, which unfortunately are a bit out of place in this dungeon, and that’s kind of sad. The main hook of this dungeon is the challenge, and the Red Ring is used RIGHT AWAY, with Wizzrobes everywhere that make this place difficult and make it almost impossible on a minimalist run, but I’ll get to that in the Challenge section. Anyway, the gameplay is awesome. 15 points.

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Enemies (15): The variety of enemies in this dungeon is outstanding, but creates some frustration that I’ll get to in the Challenge portion as well, but it’s definitely the hook of this dungeon. There’s Blade Traps combined with the return of Like Likes and the very difficult Wizzrobes (in thankfully not too congested rooms), rooms with Like Likes, Wizzrobes, AND bubbles, a new enemy called the Lanmola that’s similar to the Moldorm but can only be hurt on the head but end up being more of a pushover than an actually challenging enemy, and of course, Darkn–… wait. No darknuts? Thank GOD. I’ll explain why that’s a good thing later, but the enemies here are fun (even the gels make a reappearance in this dungeon as being hilarious to kill with ease XD). And now the boss section. The minibosses are 2 types of a new enemy called the Patra, which always has an outer ring of little enemies that spin around him, and the outer ring fights differently from Patra to Patra. It’s either a circle that expands and contracts, or it rotates like a gyroscope. Nevertheless, you have to defeat the outer circle in order to defeat the inner Patra, and it’s no pushover. I had to use Medicine after I ran through this guy due to how much I suck at the game, and it pops up about 4-5 times in this dungeon. How difficult. But the rooms you fight him in have a lot of room to walk, so any damage that happens to you is your fault and not the dungeon itself. Before I talk about the boss, I need to talk to Nintendo for a second. Whoever person thought it was a great idea to have Like Likes and Wizzrobes in the same room, (beep) YOU. I lost my shield to those (beep). And now the boss: Ganon. I heard he was going to be a pushover since he only takes 4 hits to kill him, but he ended up making me use the last of my medicine. THIS GUY IS HARD ON A MINIMALIST RUN, PEOPLE. 16 HITS HOLY CRAP. But yeah, when you enter the room, it’s dark, and you’re afraid you’re going to fight this guy with no sight of the room, but then you hold up your Triforce and BOOM! He appears, and the dark goes away. Yay, that means I’m going to see the enemy, right? NOPE. He’s invisible, and he teleports in a pattern around the room shooting fireballs at you that deal 1 heart of damage even with the Red Ring. Holy (beep). How do you defeat this dude? Guess where he is and hit him to make him pop up, and repeat that 4-16 times depending on your sword. Then he turns brown, and then you get your Silver Arrow, and WOOT! YOU WON THE GAME! WOOT. What a great boss, and the cinematics before and after complement a worthy opponent. 15 points.

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Puzzles (15): Um… I wouldn’t call them puzzles, but there’s a valid reason why I used a walkthrough throughout this dungeon (Woot Zelda Dungeon!). But yeah, there are random points in the dungeon where you have to fight off all the enemies in a room that you can kill, and THEN there might be a block in the room that you have to push. Most of the time it’s obvious (there’s a staircase in the middle of the room surrounded by blocks, hmmm….), but 3-4 times, it’s NOT. There’s a room with blade traps and Wizzrobes and once you defeat them, you would guess there’s no block puzzle, right? I mean, there’s blade traps in each corner… NOPE. THE STAIRCASE IS FOUND UNDER A BLADE TRAP. WTH NINTENDO. But yeah, the puzzles in this dungeon are not exactly logical, and there’s a lot of testing that you have to do, and although I’m glad that there’s finally a puzzle at the end of the game in a dungeon, they aren’t easy and not completely logical. 11 points.

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Challenge (10): This requires some explaining, because this is the last dungeon of the game. Is it fair when a room is congested with Like Likes and Wizzrobes and bubbles and you have to fight all of them to unlock a door? This requires some debate, but I have to say, yes and no. While I know this is the last dungeon, and it’s fair to have a huge difficulty curve at this point, it’s so very easy to die in those kind of rooms, and there’s a lot of them too! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6… 6! It would be fine if it was just 1 or 2, but 6 is too much. Thankfully when it’s not the case, the room is forgiving, where damage taken is your own fault (Patras are the prime example). I can say one thing though: Thank god there are no Darknuts. That would’ve made this dungeon’s challenge go through the ROOF as unforgiving frustration, and this dungeon would’ve gotten a 6 or 5 on the Challenge section in a heartbeat due to that type of frustration. As for fighting in this dungeon on a minimalist run, that’s your fault. Don’t do it. Only the most hardened veterans would do such a thing, but I advise you don’t. It’s difficult as heck, and unfair frustration is your own fault at that point. It’s the last dungeon though, and it’s not the dungeon’s fault if it’s very easy to die in it. Since it’s the last dungeon (and the fact that this bias could be me just sucking at the game), 8 points.

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Fun Factor (15): This dungeon was a worthy challenge. A final hurrah. The Finale. The 4th of July. Fireworks. Boom boom. When I finished this dungeon, I felt proud of myself. Wow Jacob, you just went through hell, got all those 8 pieces of Triforce, you just beat Ganon, and you saved the princess. I AM THE MAN. Have you ever watched Game Theory’s “Why You Play Video Games?”? Well, they analyzed that it’s 3 things: Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness. Ignore Autonomy and Relatedness, but Competence means the ability to something successfully or efficiently, and more specifically in this context, to feel yourself getting better, getting stronger, and conquering impossible odds. This dungeon had that certain aspect. Competence is what made this dungeon fun and AWESOME, and that’s awesome. I want to do it again, and other than a challenge that’s huge, it’s perfect (by the way, here’s the link to the Game Theory Video, it’s pretty good and the guys there are really smart and deserve compensation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyUC_28HIvA&feature=kp). 14 points.

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Overall, 92 points. Badass. This dungeon is the best NES Legend of Zelda dungeon. Other than nitpicky flaws (and some challenging aspects), this dungeon boasts a huge amount of awesome gameplay, enemies, and fun. Play it, love it, and I hope you agree with me. That’s all for the Legend of Zelda!

(end)

That’s it for now! I have one question for you guys: Either I continue the series and move on to Zelda II, or I go over the underrated Second Quest? Please let me know in the comments!

What do you think? Was the mountain truly as deathly as I put it, or should it have whimpered? Let us know in the comments.

                                                             –ShadowSect

Thanks for coming along on the ride!