#bpd npd i dont give a shit what you call it its the “cant be normal” disorder

[bandofchimeras]

I am caught in the strictures of a grief that is all entangling. invisibility and drowning in it. all the work to swallow my soul and try to stay in touch feels shallow, dry, sticks like peanut butter on bread I thirst to be seen and try to convince people to look at me realizing I haven't done the work so what is there to look at ? at the base of my skull, unworthiness and pain. like a heart cloaked in fog. drawn to others who worship the same god of isolation, separation, pushed out of the pack and I want out, want these chains broken! No matter what you call them, but how else can I survive? the amount of help I need branding my back with the label "bad person," "worthless," "useless" and not being able to talk about it because it will further isolate me. isolation is my number one fear the mind killer I can't be touched without imploding into piles of desire that quiver and wail I want to be wrestled to the ground and made into your dog, love to me is violence, force and dominance so I can trust myself to follow you completely and never be alone again.