#boy better fight his barber as a monster in silent hill

[deadlybride]

Leon Scott Kennedy when the Hills are Silent instead of dealing with Evil Residents

[infernal-fire]

I Can Save Everyone But Myself (2/3)

Warnings: fluff, angst, strong language, mentioned sexual themes, sort of CA: TWS and Far From Home spoilers.

Please do not interact with this blog if you are under the age of 18. Your media consumption is your responsibility.

Summary: Fighting the bad guys comes easy to James Buchanan Barnes. What will end him, is the fight against his will to be with you. 

Word Count: 2200

Here’s Part 1 in case you missed it. 

(This GIF does not belong to me)

The next day, Sam took Bucky to the barber and fixed up his hair. Sam was convinced Bucky was backtracking on his recovery which was going smoothly up till this point.

The car ride back to their place was quiet. Bucky looked out the window, subconsciously rubbing the nape of his neck, looking for the lost hair. 

“Why’d you do that man.”

Bucky looked straight ahead and lowered his eyes after a moment. “Don’t say I don’t know dude, I will punch you” Sam warned. 

“I didn’t grow out my hair willingly. I just never got to cut it when I was with HYDRA.” 

Sam drove without replying. They both knew he was lying. 

“You cut it because she said liked your hair.”

“Maybe.”

The car pulled over to the side of the road and a surprised Bucky turned to look at an exasperated Sam. “Why won’t you let yourself be happy? You know she likes you. What you’re doing is going to push her away.” Sam berated. He held the steering wheel and dropped his forehead onto it with a light thud. 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Bucky mumbled.

“I’m done tryna’ convince you to move on from things that you had no control over. Come on. Just ask her out or something and if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t. She’s not the type to make it weird if it doesn’t work out,” Sam pleaded. He couldn’t help but feel like everything he was saying was going through one ear and coming out the other. 

“I don’t deserve her love Sam. I’m so fucked up, I have so many of my problems that I don’t want to drag her into.” Bucky sighed. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince his friend or himself. 

“I’m not saying you should pick her up and take her to the altar. All I need you to do is acknowledge to her that there is something more than friendship between you guys. Please Buck, man, don’t let something good go to waste.”

That was the end of the conversation. Sam could tell that only parts of what he said made into his friend’s thick skull. Bucky was too stubborn for his own good.  

///

The next time you saw Bucky was during the mission briefing. You were surprised to see he cut his hair. Regardless, you complimented him.

“Sweet look, Buck.”

Bucky involuntarily beamed at you and you grinned back. You sat down, waiting for Fury to begin the debriefing. He tried not to make it obvious, but Sam noticed his friend lose brain cells over deciding where to sit. He nudged him in Y/N’s direction and took his own seat, waiting to see if he would listen to him and sit beside her. 

Bucky considered his options again before sitting far away from Y/N. Sam smacked his forehead and groaned. 

“Don’t start groaning just yet,” Fury chuckled as he entered the room. The debriefing began and Nick rambled on, but you couldn’t stop thinking about how Buck chose to sit away from you. 

“And we have an unofficial new addition to the Avengers. His name is Mysterio, and he is currently working with Peter Parker to stop the Elementals,” Maria Hill announced “The final Elemental is what we’ll need help fighting against.” 

The three of you looked at each before Sam spoke up. 

“What can a super soldier, a bird-man and an assassin do to stop an elemental monster?”

“Mysterio will be leading the mission. He has dealt with this before and has an idea of how you can help. You’re flying to London and you leave tonight.” Fury concluded and dismissed everyone. 

That night, everyone regrouped at the quinjet and put away their belongings in overhead cabins. You struggled to put up your luggage and Bucky watched. He wanted to come over and help, he really did; but it was best if he just stayed away. “Bucky?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“Can you..” you gestured at your suitcase. “Uh no, I’m… busy” he blurted before walking off to the front of the jet. 

“Ignore that idiot” Sam interrupted and helped you. “Did I do something Sam?” you asked. 

“It’s nothing Y/N, he’s just being weird. This is why I don’t take him out in public” he laughed and you awkwardly laughed along. Your anxiety grew as you thought back to anything you may have done that set Buck off. 

You couldn’t be happier to land, stretching as you got out. You gathered your belongings and made your way to the hotel. 

“Y/N! Wait!” Sam called after you. 

“Mission is in 2 days. You wanna’ check out the bars nearby?”

You thought about it before agreeing. It didn’t seem like such a good idea but you thought it'd be better to accompany Sam rather than sulk in your room. Bucky caught up to the two of you before Sam walked off with him, discussing what places they would visit tomorrow. You didn’t miss the way he completely ignored you.

When you greeted the boys again, the smile on your face wasn’t fooling anyone; both of them knew you were sad about Bucky’s sudden shift in behaviour. They reached the bar and you left to go to the bathroom. 

“You’re not protecting her. You’re flat out hurting her right now. Stop the charade and talk to her, please.” Sam chided. 

“After the mission, I’ll talk to her.” Bucky argued.

“Just… allow yourself to be a happy man. Only good people worry about being bad.” Sam said as he produced Asgardian liquor out of his pocket. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Bucky downed a shot, ignoring Sam’s glare.

When you joined them again, Bucky downed his second shot. You listened to Sam and Bucky engaging in conversation about the Elementals, when a guy came up to you and offered to buy you a drink. You heard Bucky go silent in mid-conversation. 

“Hey, could I buy you a drink? If you’re alone that is,” the guy referred to Sam and Bucky. 

“Oh, these are my friends, Sam and Bucky. You can buy me a drink,” you greeted, adding a warm smile for good measure.

Time passed and Bucky was getting tired of hearing him make you laugh. It seemed platonic enough but he couldn’t think straight with the liquid courage swirling around his head. He wasn’t paying attention to what Sam was saying and walked over to the nearest girl. 

At the end of the night, you said goodbye to the nice guy, declining the exchange of phone calls. You ignored Bucky, who kept burning holes into the back of your head. He was the one who repeatedly pushed you away today. It wasn’t to get back at him, but you didn’t mind getting him a little jealous if it’ll push him in the right direction. 

What you didn’t notice was Bucky getting up and flirting with a girl nearby. Sam watched as Bucky pulled out all of his tricks from the 40s. The air-headed girl giggled at everything he said, practically hanging off of him by the end of the night. They left before Sam asked Y/N to leave. The Falcon was a smart guy but the one thing he didn’t know how to do was lie; when you asked where Bucky was, he barely managed to tell you that he went back to the room, omitting the part about the girl. 

You reached the hotel and upon nearing your rooms, which was lined up beside each other, you heard the unmistakable sound of moaning and grunting. Bucky’s name was muffled, but screamed by whoever was inside the room. 

You stilled and looked at his hotel door before quietly slipping into your own room and breaking down. Sam didn’t call after you when he himself didn’t know what to say - there was no excusing Bucky’s behaviour. Whatever happened to talking to her after the mission, he thought as he willed himself to walk away from the sound of your crying. 

The next day, you ignored the girl that walked out of Bucky’s room and headed for the breakfast bar. Bucky and Sam showed up a few minutes later and no one said anything as they sat down with their food. Everyone ate in silence, unsure of what to say. Once you were done, you worked up the courage to say what you were wording in your head throughout the duration of the breakfast. 

“I thought you and I had something before you started acting all weird Buck.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You avoided me right after I complimented you at the debriefing, you refused to help in the quinjet and then you hook up with some random girl at the bar? I thought we were going somewhere with this.” You tried to avoid his gaze, a feeble attempt at ensuring you didn't cry but it was too late. Unwarranted tears trickled onto your plate and shirt. “And you cut your hair after I told you I like it. Don’t think I didn’t notice Buck.” you wiped your tears and waited for an answer.

“I didn’t cut my hair because of you. There’s no need to make this about you.” 

You looked at him in disbelief while Sam dropped his fork and stared his friend down. 

“I don’t know what made you think at this,” he pointed at himself and you, “was going anywhere. Because I didn’t even know this was a thing.” 

“Right.” you choked out. “Well since this isn’t going anywhere, I’m gonna’ head out with Maria. Have fun banging random chicks.” 

With that, you got up and left the room.

Neither of them said anything. 

They sat in silence for god-knows-how-long until Sam broke the silence. 

“All this time, you try to prove to everyone that you’re a good person and no one believed it. You were scared of being a bad person, well congratulations. You are a horrible person. You hurt the only person who never questioned whether you were good or not.” Sam got up and left too.

Bucky slouched into his chair and blinked. He was supposed to feel numb but felt like crying and crying until his body had no life left in it. He told himself that he did what needed to be done. 

The super soldier spent the day walking around London - a lot had changed since the war. He pulled out his camera to take a picture of the Big Ben. When he flicked back to take a look at the shot, he saw the picture of Y/N resting on his lap while his arm draped over her. He remembered that day and thought back to the intimate conversation you had with him about Tony. A stray teardrop reminded him of what he said this morning. 

“What am I doing?” he questioned himself and began running back to the hotel. 

He reached your door and breathlessly called out for you, knocking on your door. You opened the door to reveal your red eyes and a stuffy nose, surely a byproduct of relentless crying. He pulled you into his arms and you began crying again with your head nestled into his chest. He walked in while holding you and closed the door behind him. Picking you up bridal style, he walked over to your bed and laid you on it before climbing in and snuggling you. 

“Asshole, I’m still mad at you” you reminded him. He smiled lightly, kissed your forehead and pulled you closer. “I’ll make it up to you doll. I’m sorry” he promised. 

“Sam told me everything. You deserve a good life Buck. The Winter Soldier and you are two different people. Please,” you sobbed harder, “Stop hurting me. You deserve a good life too.” You tried to look up at him but he kept his chin on top of your head, refusing to meet your eyes in fear of crying. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart” he repeated before delicately shushing you to sleep. 

When you woke up, Bucky was nowhere to be found and it was 8 PM. You checked your phone to see that Sam had reserved a table for dinner.

You reached the restaurant and Bucky was waiting at the front. He gave you a soft smile before wordlessly walking you to the table. You weren’t sure where you two stood right now, but it was better than not speaking at all. You contemplated whether the incident at the hotel was a proper apology or not. 

“I’m glad no one was in the breakfast room for our little scuffle.” Sam teased as you both sat down. 

“I’m not gonna’ lie, I would shit my pants if the Falcon and White Wolf were arguing in a breakfast bar,” you remarked and settled further into your chair. The three of you were laughing before a sudden movement out of the corner of your eyes stopped you.

Someone splashed water onto Bucky’s face. “YOU MURDERER! YOU KILLED MY DAD YOU ASSHOLE,” the guy grabbed Bucky by his shirt collar. “FUCKING WINTER SOLDIER, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER HIM?” Sam pulled the guy off of Bucky and tried to calm him down but he wasn’t having any of it. He repeatedly spat insults at the ex-Winter Soldier before he was escorted out by the security. You tried to hold Bucky’s hand but he recoiled from your touch. He wiped wetness off his face and you couldn't tell if it was his tears or the water. He stalked off to the exit before sprinting out of the restaurant. 

You called after him with no avail. Sam and you shared a hopeless glance between each other and ran off to find Bucky.

a/n: oh bonky :’(

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