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life-n-times-rastaiza · 7 years ago

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Fired from First Job

In preparation for senior year of high school I went through the phone book calling every doctor, physical therapist , and dentist's office I could find. Each time explaining that I was interested in going into the medical field after college and as part of graduation requirements I needed an internship. After many rejections I hit the jackpot. Proper Care Physical Therapy was open to the idea of an intern, but was actually looking to hire a Physical Therapist Aide and asked me if I was interested.

This is going to be my first job. I’m not only fulfilling my internship requirement for graduation, but I’m also getting paid! I’m going to buy a car, I’m going to take my boyfriend on dates, and I’m gaining experience for a real job one day. I was so excited, but also terrified. What if I hate this job? What if I don’t like the people I will be working with? What if this interferes with my schoolwork? My biggest fear of them all, what if they find out I’m gay?

I tried to shake that fear from my head. I don’t want to believe the world is truly homophobic, especially not in socially liberal New Jersey. I will be fine. This is my personal life anyway. I’m going to go in, do my job, and keep my personal life to myself. I have nothing to fear.

A month went by and I was getting closer to my work friends. Of course I was always asked if I had a girlfriend, or if I was going on a date with any girls over the weekend. I was always able to veer the conversation another way. I was busy with school work, and I’m a total nerd, of course I don’t go on dates or have a girlfriend. I hated lying. I was in the middle of my coming out process. I was out to all my friends and was working on getting the courage to come out to my parents. I wanted to live more openly, but I couldn’t risk my job. I bought a car so I needed the money and I needed this to count as my internship to graduate. Everything was kept a secret and I had no fear they would find out until I met a certain patient.

From the moment I saw her, I could tell this woman was a total fag hag and the moment she saw me her gaydar was on full alert. We made eye contact and I instantly turned red. Her smirk told me everything, “What a cute gay boy, I’m going to have fun with him!”

As luck would have it, she was assigned as my patient. I introduced myself and guided her to a room. She immediately started toying with me. She was complimenting every aspect of my appearance, and with each compliment asking me about girls in my life. “You’re so handsome, i’m sure you drive the girls crazy. You have wonderful lips, how many girls have you kissed? You have great hair, do you like when girls play with your hair?” I turned a darker shade of red with each question. I was being polite, thanking her, and doing my best to breathe properly. To make matters worse, my boss walks in the room and gives this patient a hug. I learn they’ve been friends since high school. My secret is now on full display and it feels like my whole world is about to shatter.

I am now seeing the patient weekly, with each visit playing the same game. Toying with me for a reaction. As I get more comfortable with the patient I start playing her game, answering her questions without using gender nouns. Never confirming her suspicions about my homosexuality, but never denying it either. I start feeling more comfortable about coming out at work in general. I was thinking if my boss is friends with her, he can’t be truly homophobic. Maybe I should come out. The next time I’m asked about girlfriends maybe I should just tell them all I’m gay. I was still afraid to ruin my job, I couldn’t trust people at work yet, but I know I could trust that patient. It’s obvious she loves the gays and I’m getting tired of having to dodge all the girlfriend questions. The patient comes in one day, and starts her game with me. This time I say firmly, “I don’t have a girlfriend, and you know why I don’t have a girlfriend.”

She understood what I meant and after a few moments of silence she replies, “I know honey, I was just having fun with you. I wanted you to tell me the truth. You’re so cute and so young, I love when people your age have the confidence to be themselves.” She apologized for ever making me feel uncomfortable. I let her know I was proud of who I am, I was out to friends, and was lucky to be in a loving relationship. I let her know I wanted to have work boundaries because I was afraid of what reaction I would get and how important this position was to me. She understood and finally started a conversation that didn’t involve dating or girls.

I was so relieved after this conversation. I had nothing to worry about now and can continue keeping my personal life to myself. The next day at work I felt something was off. I felt like I was being micromanaged as if my boss was looking for a way to get me in trouble. I feared the patient told him my secret, but would stop myself before the paranoia truly kicked in. She wouldn’t do it anyway. We had a mutual understanding. She was a straight ally, but they have been friends for years. Maybe she doesn’t even know how homophobic my boss is. No, I can’t think that. She would keep my secret, this has to just be a bad day. This bad day would turn into a bad two and a half weeks. I was being yelled at for everything, given extra work, forced to stay late. It was terrible. I was really hating my job and was falling back on school work. I decided to take a day off. I asked a co-worker to cover my shift and went to my boss to tell him. I was only giving a day notice, but with my shift covered I didn’t think this would be a big deal. This was just the little mistake of mine my boss was looking for.

I walked into the Physical Therapist’s office and told him I was going to take the next day off, and my shift was covered. After the request he just went off on me, yelling and cursing, calling me unprofessional, telling me I was a terrible employee. I have never been spoken to like that before and I couldn’t help but cry. I cried as he yelled just inches away from my face. He shoved me out of his office, told me to go to calm down in the bathroom and finish my shift. When I return from the bathroom, everyone could tell something was wrong. Aside from hearing the screams from the office, my eyes were bloodshot from crying. A patient asked the Physical Therapist what was wrong with me and a coworker heard him tell the patient that I was probably on drugs. I was so angry and at a loss of what to do. I excused myself again to call my father. They knew each other a little bit from my dad’s business. My father just encouraged me to be strong and patient and assured me everything was going to be okay. I finished my shift without further problems, the next day I took the day off as planned, and came in the following day as usual.

The Physical Therapist comes into the office and greets everyone by name, except mine. He allows me to clean and prepare the patient rooms and gym for the day. When I was done he calls me into his office and starts going off on me again. Yelling, cursing, and firing me. I kept my composure, I knew this was coming and went around to say bye to everyone. During my goodbyes I heard him yell from the office “Is he fucking gone yet? If he’s not fucking gone I’m calling the cops and telling them that he’s trespassing! Get him the fuck out of here!”

I was so confused and angry about the whole situation. Why did this man hate me so much? I wanted to forget it as best as I could and would keep my mind busy whenever I would start to think about it. Luckily, I completed enough hours for the internship to count towards graduation and was able to pay off my used car. This horrible situation was out of my head until i was going off to college. My dad wanted to speak to me before move in day. A few months prior I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents, and now considered myself fully out of the closet. I was actually very surprised by my father’s reaction. He took it rather well and did not seemed surprised as my mother was. I go to my dad’s room for this talk he wants to have. He warns me about being open about my sexuality. I tell him that times are different now, people are more open, there’s nothing to be scared of, being out isn’t going to affect me negatively. Then he reminds me how I was fired so brutally from my first job. He reminded me how much my former boss hated me and lets me know that he called the Physical Therapist a day after my firing.

“Hello, this is Edgar, Randy’s father. He told me what happened yesterday, is everything okay? I know you’re a good man and maybe you are just having a bad day. Can you talk to my son and hopefully offer him his job back?”

The Physical Therapist replied, “Your son is a fucking faggot, and I don’t want a fucking faggot working for me.” He hung up to phone and my father never heard or saw him again.

I was in shock. It all made sense and I knew it, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe some people are so homophobic that they will just hate me for it. It didn’t matter if I was a good employee or not, he hated me anyway and was looking for any excuse to get me out of there.

This all happened many years ago and I would like to think it no longer bothers me, but it does. Before hearing the truth about this story I was the type of person that holds their boyfriend's hand in public without giving it thought, but now there is always a small fear. A fear to be bullied, hated, and bashed for being out. I hate that I carry this fear with me.

I was just walking home from my friend’s house and during my walk saw two men walk past me holding hands. I thought it was beautiful. They either have no fear or just have the courage to be themselves. This helps me find my own courage. Thank you for everyone that lives out and proud and I hope my first job experience never prevents me from living this way too.

The picture above is the actual name tag i used to wear. I have kept it with me through all these years for some reason and I hate it. I don’t want to carry around this fear with me anymore, and I’m hoping when I do find a boyfriend that I will have the courage to hold his hand as we walk on the beach at night like those two men had tonight.

Live out, live proud, and love yourselves.

#gay #homophobia #first job #gay boy #fired #pride #gaypride #lgbt #physical therapy #gay problems

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