#bothers the fuck out of me!!! dont come into my inbox like “i love ur blog 🥰” when youre faking being a real person to try to make money

[bittsandpieces]

This account is using AI generated pics to fake being a real sex worker. They are liking and reblogging real peoples photos, and sending messages and asks as if they're real.

No room for that bullshit on my page, and I would hope there's no room for it on yours either.

Username is @fitviolet, not sure if it'll let me tag or not

[mangoposts]

OKAY im finally alone so TW for anyone reading this, i will be mentioning rape & knives/scars.

i'll try to make this short but the summer before i went into 10th grade, i had hung out w this guy and i really did just wanna hang out and go for a drive, but he thought i wanted to hook up. i definitely did not because i was a virgin and never done anything with a guy at all. he was a senior and a lot bigger than me and forced me into having sex w him, i kept saying no and stop and take me home but he just kept getting angrier and eventually held a knife to my like pubic bone? pelvis? just down there idk. so i caved. i hated every second and cried but i stopped fighting. i haven't had sex since then, im 20 years old now and i haven't even been fingered by a guy, never given or received head, and never given a handjob. and im honestly really embarrassed about it and wanna have sex with someone SO BADLY but im scared.

the main reason i'm scared isn't because i'm scared i'll be forced into it again, although that is absolutely in the back of my mind. i'm completely fine now and over the situation, but it does worry me that i could get overwhelmed and the guy im with wouldn't wanna stop. but my bigger fear which im 100x more embarrassed of, is what a guy is gonna think when he sees my pussy. now hear me out bc i know that sounds weird😭 but all throughout high school i always heard guys make comments about how ugly this girls pussy is or how gross this girls is and it terrified me. but now i'm even more scared because of what that guy did to me, he literally cut into my skin and left scars. what is a guy gonna think when he sees that? how am i supposed to explain all this? i just i have a lot of questions and concerns but i'm a fucking 20 year old "virgin" if i can even call myself that, i've technically had sex but i didn't want it so idk if i even count that as a body. i just have been panicking over this for forever and have no idea what to do, if you have any advice at all i'd really appreciate it so so much

- 🌙

Oh baby :-(. Im so sorry this happened to you. You were really young and you didn’t deserve that whatsoever, if you can feel it im giving you a hug thru the phone. Im so so so sorry and i hope that man is dead in a ditch somewhere 🤍

On the other hand, i promise you you have nothing to worry about at all. Im telling you rn and i know it sounds so corny and lame and everybody always says this but its true, the right person is not going to judge you for anything and im so Fr when i say that. Trust when i was in high school guys would say all kinda stupid shit like that about girls in the school and it never bothered me because i knew there was at least one person out there who wouldn’t care about anything other people would talk shit about, and i was right 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so many people out there who would find u beautiful the way u are and just because some guys in the past thought in that immature goofy ass way doesn’t mean every guy will you know what i mean?

Babe, my only advice for you is to stay the way you are, hang out w ur frennies and the right person is gon come trust. It’ll come when you aren’t looking for it or worrying about it, when you least expect it to be honest. What you went through was horrible and it might be the worlds way of saying you gotta give yourself time before exploring that area of your life yanno. There’s NOTHINGGG wrong with being a virgin at any age let alone 20. You’re still young and you have ur whole life ahead of you. Don’t worry about this, when it happens it’s gonna be fine you’ll see it

Thank you so much for trusting me to be vulnerable with, im sorry if im treating you too delicately im just speaking thru the soul rn 😭 And again im sorry this happened to you. Even if i dont know u i love u a lot and im proud of you for moving past the situation despite how hard it might’ve been

Also im sorry for taking awhile to get back to you, i just scrolled through my inbox and finally found this

[mangosimoothie]

ik u said to ignore it but i cant ignore it because im a natural snoop and i fucking love reading tags. its where people show their colors and i think everyone has a rainbow inside them. which prompts me to say that u dont have to answer this. hell, u can ignore this.

anyway, maybe its coz im using tumblr wrong. i literally only come here to grab some *feels* (good and bad) at the popular reblogs and then occasionally join in the simblr "oooh" and "gaaah!!" eras that i feel like im missing out on what u call the Back in the Day tumblr era. tumblr was advertised to me as a blogging site so like lmfao.

maybe its also because of the power of the anon feature that i can actually make myself be able to enter ur ask box without feeling too shy or scared that im here to comment on ur post. is it because we're far too scared to interact beyond the comments or is it because drama (not sure if theres a better word for it, controversy maybe?) has scarred us and being able to comment on things without the anon feature kind of scares us all now?

regarding simblr drama posts that blow up, u could probably also contribute it to bandwagon, right? like obv, its not the only reason it blows up but bandwagon helps. its far too easy to join in the opinion that everyone agrees on and parrot it around. like idk if im making sense but isnt it kinda easier to "not have an opinion" but rb that other person's opinion/fact that the rest of the community has deemed correct or right as if its your own (ok maybe this sentence sounds bad and i could probably phrase it as "i have an opinion about it but this other person has worded it so perfectly that i will rb this instead". anyway i'll leave it in coz the previous one could be true to some people). not that its bad, im honestly glad most of us agree on smth, it just sometimes loses that sense of discussion u probably meant if we're all just parroting everything.

i mean, i've seen it happen. especially during certain major events here where my dash was full of the same post being reblogged by myself and a couple others with no additional ideas (even tags sometimes, like i said i love tags i think tags hold a lot of unspoken but spoken ideas if u get it).

i had a point here somewhere. anyway what i meant to say was, i think i have similar feelings with u regarding discussions (lmfao look at this long post). but im far too scared to get out of anon to actually have it with u or anyone else in simblr.

have a good day/night tho :"D

Hahah no thank you for snooping on my tags 😅 what I meant to say is, I notice that most engagement happens through likes instead of comments, which is just really frustrating because yeah, I am used to tumblr being more of a forum so likes feel very empty to me. Unless it’s “”drama”” then yeah like you said, people are more inclined to comment. Like my first post that blew up was literally just “not someone charging $3 for sims nipples” or st like that which was really funny but also a little sad bc I would’ve loved to engage like that on posts I actually cared about and that weren’t just me being cheeky lol. That said, I understand what you mean about feeling too shy. I asked about this earlier - why ask questions on anon if they’re not mean - and for most people yeah, it boiled down to being shy or not wanting to seem over eager. But I LOVE when people are eager about my nonsense, I LOVE when people ramble like this in tags or comments or my inbox about my story/sims. That is the sole thing that’s kept me active here tbh - the couple people who comment and send me asks instead of just throwing a like here and there. I’ve been told many times that engagement on simblr is a lot lower than it used to be which is a little discouraging. I’ll look at my friends with large blogs and even though their stories get 100s of likes there’s still only 2-5 comments! I’d be pulling my hair out!! Maybe it’s a pet peeve that’s kinda specific to me lol but it does bother me sometimes especially when I put a q like hey tell me what you thought about x or whatever the case may be. Like even going so far as to be like “instead of a like tell me about x :) “ and that still not working. I guess that’s just not the way people engage on tumblr anymore :/ 🤷🏾‍♀️

[thequeenb]

love ur poppy fics sm 😭❤️ can I request a fic where poppy and mc are at a party and they end up playing spin the bottle which lands on mc and Veronica leading to them having a heavy make out leading to a jealous poppy

Poppy x MC

This is for the haters on my anon inbox begging me to stop writing about a bully. Enjoy sweethearts

Another frat party another drunk me. Its Luis birthday today and we have been invited of course, no surprise there. What did surprise me is Veronica sitting with the boys chatting freely without Poppy on her side.

"Bea is in the houuuuusee" Carter says giving me and Zoe a side hug

"Welcome to our humble home" Luis says approaching us

"Well hello there birthday boy, i got you a little something" i hand him a jersey shirt i bought him and just for a second i catch Veronica staring at me but its probably my imagination

"You didn't have to! Your presence is enough" he winks at me and Zoe wolf whistle, Thanks Zo always so helpful

"Let the poor girl alone you flirt" Veronica approach us getting into the conversation. Surprisingly she stands next to me and i honestly freak out a little bit

"You are no fun V" Luis says leaving us alone. Great, everyone has been so helpful tonight

Veronica turns to face me and i swallow hard. The only time i see her is when she is glued to Poppy's side but something about her tonight is different, she feels more free

"So Luis huh? He is quite the catch"

Was that her teasing? Her eyes scan my outfit and i thank God i let Zoe dress me up today. I wear short shorts and a purple crop top

"You like what you see?" I smile teasing her even more but of course someone interrupt us and we have to cut our conversation short

"SPIN THE BOTTLE!!" some boys yell and Zoe looks terrified

"Girls are you in?" Carter shove us into their circle and i bite down the 'no' that i was going to say

More people join in and i watch as Veronica sits across from me smirking. What is happening tonight?

"Alright so you all know the rules, don't hold anything back!" Luis says placing an empty beer bottle in the middle of the circle. Giving it a light spin i watch it intently praying to god not to land in me

Aaaaand of course it does, because me and luck don't have a good relationship. I sign looking at the other end if the bottle and oh my god. Veronica!? You have to be kidding me

I am ready to hear the rejection but she just shrugs getting up. There is a disappointment and an excitement growing inside of me and I can't tell what causes it. Looking around everyone is staring at us like we are the only ones here. God damnit it i feel so obliged to do it and oh my, the way she is watching every move i make is sexy

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask her and she laughs

"Of course Hughes, its just a game"

Right, its just a game Bea wake up. But the way she undresses me with her eyes says otherwise. Without thinking twice i stand up throwing my arms around her neck

"Hello there" her breath ghosts my lips and i can tell she had been drinking. Her eyes fall to my lips and I don't think she realises that she licks hers seductively, or does she?

"You know we--" i tried to reassure her that we don't have to do anything but she crushes her lips against mine

Everything stops. The people around us cheer and whistle but their voices fade as i focus on Veronica's amazing kissing skills. Our tongues fight for dominance as i press my body against hers. She tastes like strawberry and whiskey and i get lost in our moment

She runs her hand up my back, her fingertips raising goosebumps all over my body. She then place her hand on my hair grabbing a fistful pulling my head back. I bite down a moan but then she licks my neck and i lose control

The cheers stop and we both pull away remembering we are in public. The silence makes me uneasy but then i see why everyone is shocked

Poppy stands right behind Veronica like she is about to stab her in the back. Seeing my worrying look V turns around facing the Devil

"What is going on here??" She asks crossing her arms. Chloe is right next to her, aw how cute my favourite minion

Veronica rolls her eyes "we are playing spin the bottle. I asked you girls to come to the party but you had a nail appointment"

"Um Duh? This is a ridiculous party anyways" Chloe says and i have to step in

"Luis i didn't knew you invited trash to your party"

The way Poppy stares at me right now is like a lion watches its prey and i swallow hard remembering how much power she holds

"The only trash here is you and your so called friend Zoe, but i didn't knew V had such low standards"

Oh dont go there Min-Sinclair

"And why do you care that much? It was a game right darling?" Veronica looks at me smiling picking up my game

"I wouldn't mind playing games with you in a more private room" she winks and oh boy, Poppy's head is about to explode

"I want to vomit" Chloe says being the dumb bitch that she is

"Funny, thats exactly what i want to do everytime i see you" Zoe claps back and i have to hold my laugh, at least i should try and look intimidating

"Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned Farmsville" Poppy takes a step closer and i can sense her anger

"Why are you even bothered? I am so insignificant to you aren't i? So why?" I take a step towards her as well and now we are one breath away

That exact moment her expression changes for just a second, her anger is replaced by pain and a low whisper escapes her lips

"Why her?"

I gasp not knowing if she really just said that or it is my mind playing games "What did you say?"

"I said how dare you kiss my friend?!" There she is. Again her eyes are filled with unexplainable fury and i am trying to understand why it bothers her that much

"Pops relax, its just a game okay? Lets just leave" Veronica tries to pull her away but she stands still looking right through my eyes

"If i see you near V ever again, if you walk besides her or even dare to breathe the same air she does i will make sure you suffocate" she pushes me back and woooow she can be really scary

"Just because you are beautiful and finally have a fashion sense doesn't mean you run this university" i started to back away from her as she takes several steps closer to me

"And i will destroy you and your stupid beautiful face a thousand times if i have to"

The air abandon my lungs. I have never seen her so angry before. The way she looks at me is like she is hurt but why is she so cruel then? Everyone looks at us and Zoe is trying to hold back her laugh, did she just compliment me!?

"Wow there, did you just flirt with me Min-Sinclair?" I raise my eyebrow smiling

And when i tell you her whole face changes. I can see her life flashing right Infront of her own eyes, terror fills her eyes and i can see a light pink colour forming around her cheeks. Did i just make Poppy shy?

"I-i am not! H-how dare you say that?" Her voice breaks, isn't she adorable?

I smirk gazing at her lips, should i do it? Is this the reason she is so frustrated right now? Is this why she is so mad at Veronica and i?

I take a deep breath and i gather all my courage. Leaning forward i give her a soft kiss not knowing if she really wants this. I pull away slightly watching her eyes go wide, someone fucked up

"What are you doing?" She asks completely confused

"Jealous Poppy is adorable" i say placing my hand slowly on her cheek. For a second i think she will pull away and actually kill me but instead she leans forward once again kissing me softly

This time our kiss escalates to a passionate make out session. Everyone around us clap and this time, i really don't care. All i focus on is Poppy's taste and warmth and i get drunk in her expensive perfume

"Kiss Veronica again and i will kill you" Poppy says breathing heavily

I press my forehead against hers smiling "If this is your definition of 'killing' then i will take my chances"

"Oh shut up"

And just like that she kisses me again and again getting lost in eachother's embrace. This is so sudden yet it feels so right and honestly? Who knows where this will go?

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @tyrils-star @justastranger-passing @nydeiri

[k-s-morgan]

Yo, whoever just....SENT you UNSOLICITED ctitism??? They're either a youngling that hasn't learned the rules or fanfiction or they're just an asshole. That ask was worded very politely but that was such an assholish thing to do??? "Sadly, I will stop reading your story" DUDE WHO CARES. YOU DEADASS COULD'VE JUST QUIETLY STEPPED OUT WHEN THE STORY STARTED TURNING IN A DIRECTION THAT MADE YOU UNCOMFY WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. There was literally NO NEED for them to come tell you all that and the only reason they did is because they're arrogant and think that only their opinion matters. They just...disregarded creative freedom completely. You handled it well but I just wanted to stop by and tell you that your characterization is actually very realistic and it is miles better than some other fics I've seen, which I will not name because I'm NOT AN ASSHOLE. Sorry to come ranting into your inbox but that ask got me fired up.

Another message:  horrible anon that wrote the rude condescending& pathetic ask ab harry being weak for not being able to stomach tom MURDERING people i have no words. made me mad! book harry would NOT be okay with murder! & fuck them for saying those mean things ab u that arnt true. this is UR story. u can do WHATEVER u want with it. nobody has any right to demand things from u & u dont have to take any criticism if u dont want it. the entitlement of some people🤬. also i dont know why they assume you should care their going to “stop reading” like okay bye 😌 still gonna have like 200,000 hits

Another message from @likorys-shimenawa:  I didn't want to be rude the anon, but... "You know something is wrong with your characterisation when more than one person gets hot and bothered about it" seriously broke me. They DO remember that people still think Snape was an incel out for hookup with Lily? When the only person to believe that was damn VOLDEMORT? Just cause many people say something doesn't make it true. Also - Harry's 'constant whimpering'? Did they miss how he spend months hung up on the Horcruxes, doing nothing, as well?

-----------------------------------------------------

I decided to group most of criticism-related asks together - I hope you don’t mind! Thank all of you for your support, it really means a lot to me. I’m not very bothered by negative comments/asks, but they sure aren’t pleasant to get.

The thing with stories is that everyone perceives them in a unique way. I saw the most ironic evidence of this with my Russian Snape-centered fic. I got two comments in sequence from two different people: one said my Snape is too nice; the second one said he is too evil. Everyone else felt he was canon-like. It was funny to see these comments posted right next to each other, and none of them was technically wrong: people have their view of the character, and it won’t always coincide with that of others.

It’s inevitable to lose readers along the way. The more relevant decisions characters make, the more defined the plot becomes, and some people start finding it not to their liking. That’s okay, but it’s important to remember that your experience is your own. Others might not share it.

That’s why I‘m not going to reply to asks similar to the one I got again. I already explained my view, there is nothing left for me to add. But to sum it up for the last time:

I think Harry’s ability to love can be a curse just as it can be a gift. I think he’s pretty strong, even though this love cripples him in many ways. He raised a better version of Tom on the global scale and a worse monster on the local one. He managed to control Tom’s destructiveness for years, and it broke his heart every time Tom did something similar to Voldemort. Beth was a shock because Harry’d believed he was succeeding in making Tom better just by loving him and explaining what’s right and what’s wrong. After that, he was constantly wary, yet the more Tom lived without hurting anyone, the more hopeful Harry became. Every setback shook him, but Tom never killed again - he learned how to stop, and Harry tried to focus on this. He had evidence of Tom being better, so his expectations worked accordingly. Learning about Charlus was a terrible blow because for one thing, Harry was already feeling terrible due to killing a person and watching his student die to protect him. For another, he realized that Tom killed a part of his family again. Of course he was stunned and horrified - this was his worst nightmare come true. And the ritual was the last drop in the overfilled bowl of his patience and hopes. Harry tried to watch out for others, he forgot to watch out for himself.

In my eyes, this is consistent with his behavior in canon + the changes he lived through in WHGTB. I’m happy that many readers share this view, and I’m sorry others don’t (though I get it), but I really don’t need to know that you want to stop reading. If the story no longer makes you feel happy or interested, just close it and look for another one. Fandom is supposed to be fun, and no writer can please everyone. Characterization is a complex thing - for the most part, it’s not universal. Things you disagree with will be something others agree with and vice versa. That’s fiction, and that’s why it’s such a fascinating concept.    

[kinkymagnus]

Henlo!! I love your blog so much 😍 it gives me life and makes me happy when I have a bad day. I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Malec’s first time or something where Magnus is a nervous wreck cause he has to tell Alec that he’s trans? Thank you and sorry for the bother 😭♥️

y’all it is a CRIME how long this has been in my inbox, im really sorry and ur not bothering me at ALL i just love this ask and wanted to do it JUSTICE 👏

also im!!! so flattered!!! aaaaaAAAA im glad my blog can cheer u up :) 

okokok so trans magnus + malec’s first time + magnus being nervous about coming out lghkjgfh

ok i have no fucking idea why but i’m making this twi malec. i’m just. in the mood for twi malec i guess. fuck it amiright

magnus is just. he has a lot of secrets. there’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, there’s a reason he only talks to two or three people who actually know him, there’s a reason he hasn’t been how he used to be--out and about, flashy and showing off and wearing armor made of glittering beauty and colorful silks and bold makeup, instead of comfortable cardigans and twitching hands and quiet. 

speaking of which: def headcanon twi magnus wasn’t always the way he is in that episode. he was a lot like canon magnus once upon a time, charismatic (well, he’s still charismatic, but like, in that bold flashy way, you know?) and open (closed off, but with the illusion of having all his cards on the table) and bold

anyway. there’s a reason. lots of reasons. mostly all the secrets he hides.

the fact that he has magic, that he’s immortal, a dusty relic of a time long gone, of an age past, clinging on past his due date. he feels like he doesn’t belong in the modern world, like he should have died with the shadow world, like he should have been sealed out with all the other demons.

the fact that he is a prince king of hell, son and slayer of the greater demon asmodeous himself. even tho he’s sealed it all away, he has a huge amount of power, both from just. originally being the son of such a powerful demon, a fallen angel, and also from managing to kill one.

i don’t think it fits with canon twi lore but i don’t care, i’m saying twi magnus was involved in the sealing of the realm, and he managed to kill asmodeous and basically absorb his power, so a) he actually did this huge incredible feat that changed the whole world, whether on purpose or not i’m not sure yet (it has something to do with asmodeous, but i’m not seeing the whole picture yet) and b) he’s actually. more powerful than canon magnus. it’s partially why he sealed away his magic for so long, he was afraid of what that power could do. 

honestly i dont have this super well thought out but i like the potential

but anyway! barely related to this! let’s get back on topic!

and. the fact that he’s trans. a decidedly more mundane secret, but still one he keeps close to his chest. he’s lived through a lot of eras with bad very transphobic times? like he’s lived through places/times with very accepting atmopshere, but he’s also lived in like, victorian england, you know? and canon magnus had a chance to be more out of his shell and open in the modern world but this magnus has completely closed himself off. he mostly talks to people other than his close friends to give them a tarot reading. he’s not like, totally cut off, i can’t imagine him like. not helping people. you know. idek. but the point is he’s more isolated. canon magnus was closed off in a lot of ways, but still surrounded by people. he had a job to do, people to protect, and parties to attend. not to mention going to pandemonium and stuff. twi magnus isn’t really doing that. man i really went on a tangent here but the point is i feel like that would contribute to how he feels about being trans. feeling isolated, having less friends to be open with and to help him you know? in my experience it’s a lot harder to feel like. valid? without that sense of community. even with a few close friends, it’s hard. if you’re “passing”, which magnus is, it feels like a secret. 

the point is! i am getting so off track! magnus has got layers and layers and layers protecting him, both literal and metaphorical (he doesn’t wear the more flashy and revealing clothing canon magnus occasionally favors, preferring thick and comfortable sweaters and cardigans and stuff like that. bonus headcanon: whatever happened that ended in asmodeous dead and the walls of the world sealed, it left magnus with more scars. not to mention top surgery scars he may have, or even just hiding a binder, or using thick layers to disguise small tiddies since binders are great but you can’t bind all the time or every day for centuries and still be like, healthy. anYWAY) 

and when he starts dating alec despite that little cautious voice in his head insisting he needs to not get attached, alec begins to just. effortlessly peel those layers away

he’s so blunt and honest, unlike people who have lied to and manipulated magnus in the past (CAMILLE, anyone? i feel like she’d still be a thing in the twiverse. also asmodeous, albeit in a different way) and he’s gentle and loud and bold and he’s funny and sweet and he just. fucking cares about magnus.

when he finds about magnus’s magic he’s like “oh my god that’s so cool” he just fucking accepts him so easily!!! 

and even when magnus ends up tearfully confessing he may or may not be a literal king of hell (or, one of the hell dimensions) alec’s like “damn, i’m dating royalty?” and maybe makes a joke about not everyone getting to make a king scream with pleasure and magnus is just so relieved???

but that’s later

anyway

they haven’t had sex yet and magnus is just like. he feels like inevitably this relationship is gonna fall apart. he has too many secrets, too many hidden parts of himself that if he ever shed light on, alec wouldn’t see him the same way

and as much as he wants alec to fuck him, as much as he wants to be in bed with alec and cuddle with him and have sex with him and show him everything, he feels like he can’t, it would be the beginning of the end

he keeps pulling back just as alec begins to initiate, and alec never pushes but wonders if he’s doing something wrong, or if maybe magnus is asexual, or just doesn’t want to have sex for other reasons, and eventually he broaches the topic with magnus and magnus is so surprised alec noticed something is wrong (he expected alec might confront him over not “putting out” but alec doesn’t seem to care about the sex--he makes sure to emphasize while he is attracted to magnus and would lvoe to have sex with him if that’s what magnus wants, it’s by no means a requirement--but more about. magnus. and communicating with him.) that he just blurts out i’m trans. 

and alec kinda blinks at him. his beautiful, wonderful, nervous and scared boyfriend. and he ends up blurting out oh thank god. because he would be more than okay with magnus not wanting to have sex--he’s super gorgeous and absolutely smoking hot, but alec doesn’t ever like, want to have sex with him unless magnus wants to. obviously. but he was honestly worried it wasn’t magnus but him, that he’d done something wrong or wasn’t attractive or something, and honestly worrying about something being wrong with him was not a feeling he was used to. then he realizes how bad that just sounded, and he’s like, aaaaaaaAAAA WAIT and ends up panickedly rambling like i mean sorry i just was kind of worried i was doing something wrong but like, i love you so much and you being trans changes nothing about that, and if you never want to have sex that’s totally okay and i love you, but if you’re worried about me still being attracted to you that’s not a problem, but-- and magnus is like y-you’re not?? but you’re gay! and i’m-- and you know that feeling of like. internalized [insert form of bigotry towards yourself, in this case transphobia]. where you think something bad about yourself. and if you think about it you’re like “no that’s transphobic i would never think that about anyone else” and your brain is just like “yeah it’s true about you tho” that’s this. magnus is like. i’m not a real man, how could you be attracted to me? and alec (not to be all Cis Savior, but look, magnus deserves a loving supportive boyfriend who comforts him and shit, okay! i am PROJECTING) is like yeah i’m gay and you’re a gorgeous, beautiful, stunning man? 

and they end up talking it out and get it sorted that yes, magnus does want to have sex, but it would be okay if one of them didn’t want to, magnus being trans does not make alec unattracted to him, it’s okay, they’re okay, because malec are Kings of Communication,

ANYWAY

ACTUAL FIRST TIME

probably not the same day, that day they cuddle and talk 

but like later

>:)

alec is just so gentle and reverent y’all. like. them big hands on magnus’s body, all warm and gentle and magnus is like oh fuck this is nice

they do have to kind of communicate boundaries--alec’s asks if there’s anywhere magnus doesn’t want to be touched because dysphoria (or any other reason) and vice versa, magnus trying to be like “you know if you only want to fuck my ass or have me wear a strap-on or anything like that it’s fine, i understand you’re not necessarily attracted to those parts of me” and alec’s like “we’ve established that you would enjoy me eating you out and i WANT TO EAT YOU OUT” 

their first time probably is pretty simple, “vanilla”, idk why but im thinking they just exchange oral sex tbh like magnus blows him and then alec eats him out 

also magnus cums pretty fast bc he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time and he’s very embarrassed about it but alec is like “damn that’s hot can i try to make you cum a few more times” 

ok but imagine their first time it’s just alec holding him down and eating him out until he sobs and squirts? yes

anyway tho they have like, lots of “other” first times too like. first time alec fucks his pussy. first time alec fucks his ass. etc. 

first time alec slides that Thick Dick balls deep into magnus’s cunt he’s for sure immediately on the edge of orgasming he’s so full and it feels so good--

and alec’s like holy SHIT bc he’s warm and wet and tight and he clenches every time alec praises him or dirty talks him and it feels amazing

first time alec fucks his ass is also very fun for both of them ;) 

it’s just a good time all around folks communication and magnus getting pounded the way he deserves :’) 

not to mention when they first start getting into kinks 

alec, carefully broaching the topic of bondage: how would you feel... about handcuffs?

magnus, barely looking up: mm, padded or not? and what kind of padding? the normal kind hurt my wrists after too long and not really in a nice way, so i like padded. furry can get a little itchy sometimes but they look real nice. also, are we talking above my head to the bedpost, and if so, am i on my stomach or back? because stomach is a little uncomfortable. or like, behind my back? especially bent over, mm. good view for you ;) 

then he like looks up and realized he’s said all of this very casually and alec’s looking at him with 1. shock and 2. lust 

like. “i wasn’t expecting this, but i really should have, and now i want to bend you over and tie you up and fuck you hard” 

and he blushes just a lil bit like o shit i just said all that and alec’s like “padded it is. behind your back or above your head... hm... both have potential, but maybe the latter? i love you on your back under me, i can see so much of your beautiful body and all of your gorgeous face :)” 

and like TOYS 

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANYWAY

[chillmayo]

I left this in my drafts and forgot abt it lol I finished mdzs IT WAS SO SO GAY get ready for some- um somewhat freaky- ahem just be ready

im starting tgcf (Tian Guan Ci Fu or Heavens Official Blessing) which is by the same author and is 2000+ pages also gayy between a god and demon/ghost king

YES YES SK8 IS FUNNY IN SUB AS WELL BUT THE DUB LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE ITS SO FUNNY

yes u shud binge it i watched it one day just sat and watched it without getting up. ahhhhh i cant wait if u dont mind i want ur reactions to that show (i love it so much) u can react in like my dms or inbox wherever u want- if u want-

MDZS is finished actually i think MXTX finished it on 2018 (the extra chapters were...O-O just get ready be ready for whenever u read it)

its alright i kno things fast it bothers me but not when people mention my phobia is mild and mostly internal so i dont get triggered

dude i was such a hoarder before i moved. i loved fizzy drinks so i wud like keep the cans for no reason. i had like 45 cans but my mom threw them away when we moved (i was so sad)

ill add violet evergarden to my list BUT im gonna rewatch haikyuu now (fuck tgcf it can wait haikyuus more important) coz my sibling is watching it and i cant help myself

ur bro is goals lol my brothers been telling me to watch a silent voice coz apparently he was sobbing at the end of it

yeah same idm not coming out to the people arnd me my sexuality isnt rly a big deal for me. besides almost everyones homophobic so eh

aww making these are so fun i just forgot abt this one until i saw ur url in my notifs lol i never check drafts coz i rarely have any

LMFAO i dont think anyone has the energy to read this i shud copy and paste to see how many it words it is (its prolly longer than me and my bffs platonic wedding vows which r 13 pages and 7k words long)

I know i knoww i love it so much i wish there was more pan and aroacespec rep tho there r so little. ive read like one book that is pan and thats like a hunch im not sure if the mc is pan but they have to be the title is In Deeper Waters by FT Lukens

OH NO I googled it and the mc is bi- which is good but i thot it wud be pan rep. also in the book, the mc goes something like, "i like princesses and squires and everything in between" which is why id thought-

sigh

another disappointment

The Foxes as Haikyuu!! Characters

Because both series are gay af and I love them (also, this actually started out as a Karasuno-Foxes thing but like 70% of them got Tsukki and so I expanded)

#1. DAN WILDS - Daichi Sawamura (Karasuno)

I mean, it’s kind of obvious. 

They’re both captains (also their numbers are both number 1)

Dan is passionate and gets the team to get their shit together. She’s the first female captain in NCAA Class I Exy in history and got a lot of shit for it because that’s just a given in being in a team such as the foxes. 

She fought tooth and nail for that team, and believed in it when everyone thought they were nothing but lost causes.

Daichi is also the captain of a team no one else believes in. Karasuno is often referred to as “the flightless birds” or “the fallen champions”. 

Despite that, Daichi tried to whip the team together and is very much passionate about the team, regardless of anyone who told him they’re never going to make it.

#2. KEVIN DAY - Oikawa Tooru (Aoba Josai)

Kevin is actually pretty tricky because I have three other characters perfect for him.

But I settled for Oikawa because you can never go wrong with Oikawa.

Anyway, Kevin is an exy superstar and pretty much has fangirls going on for him, which is also the same case as Oikawa who’s also kind of a star (?) who was sought by different schools for his genius in volleyball.

Not to mention, Oikawa has a crazy flock of fangirls and gets interviewed almost every time whether their team wins or lose.

Also, it’s pretty funny because while Kevin is this great son of exy, the foxes mostly snaps at him and tells him to shut up a lot. 

That’s pretty much the case with Oikawa and Aoba Josai. 

Also, you can never not love Oikawa Tooru, just like how you can’t hate on Kevin Day. If you do, you’re wrong and we have some talking to do.

#3. ANDREW MINYARD - Kenma Kozume (Nekoma)

I actually have a lot of options for Andrew. If Kevin had three, Andrew surprisingly had freaking six. I definitely did not expect that.

But I’m sticking with Kenma for obvious reasons.

Andrew is great at Exy. Without effort? He plays well. With effort? He’s god-like. He’s just that talented it’s insane and infuriating.

Kenma is the same- his performance just increases depending on the effort he pulls.

Plus, like how Andrew doesn’t “care” for exy, Kenma doesn’t “care” about volleyball.

Kenma is cat-like, if that makes sense. Andrew reminds me of a cat.

They’re both smol and adorable beans.

Also, they both hate human interaction 

Plus they’re both fascinated with gingers who are obsessed with sports they don’t care about way too much (Hinata for Kenma, and Neil for Andrew (I mean, who else is there??))

#4. MATT BOYD - Koshi Sugawara (Karasuno)

I can’t really see Matt as anyone else, really.

They both have that nurturing nature within them.

Like they’re the gentlest. Enough said.

BUT they can also be playful (?) like with Suga letting Hinata off with his crazy antics and Matt totally spoiling Neil.

Plus, Sugamama and Sawapapa = Matt and Dan

#5. AARON MINYARD - Osamu Miya (Inarizaki)

I was actually reminded of Osamu when I was reading Twinyards on AFTG.

I mean, Aaron is considered the “normal” twin. 

Same with Osamu.

Because their twins gets more attention, they’re kind of not appreciated enough (?)

Like Aaron is hella smart and he can play good.

I mean he’s majoring in biochem (I took a subject on that one once and the exams were literally the definition of pain and agony- never again) and assumably passing while playing exy- that is amazing.

I believe in Aaron Minyard supremacy.

Osamu is a great player and is pretty smart on his own but Atsumu is known as Japan’s best high school setter so that kinda gets all the spotlight.

What I mean to say is that they are both the “normal” twins.

And they’re underappreciated a lot.

Also both would lowkey kill for their twin brothers even if they act/show that they hate said twin brothers.

I mean, Aaron literally killed for Andrew and while there was no killing that took place in DIECHI Haikyuu!!, I’m pretty sure Osamu would totally do the same for Atsumu.

#6. SETH GORDON - Suguru Daisho (Nohebi)

Both Suguru and Seth are actually capable players.

But they have very crude personality and say the lousiest things.

Although Seth didn’t had that redemption Suguru did (because he dead) (but I mean, did Suguru even got a redemption arc? He was still lousy but more controlled in the end, tamed excellently by his girlfriend).

They’re both not really bad guys. Just have some issues here and there but not so bad that a little character redemption arc can’t fix (except Seth is dead and unless we’re adding fantasy and paranormal to the mix, we’re not getting any of that obvi)

I don’t know what else to say but both these guys only appeared like 30% of the series.

#7. ALLISON REYNOLDS - Rintaro Suna (Inarizaki)

I had a hard time trying to fit Allison into anyone. She’s too gorgeous and amazing, okay?

But I decided on Suna cuz he fine.

They’re both fine players who also gossip and pretty much know anything about anyone.

Also, they both have good instincts and intuitions.

Not to mention they’re just both very pretty and I’m a total sap for them.

#8. NICKY HEMMICK - Taketora Yamamoto (Nekoma)

You’d argue Tanaka but Nicky totally gives Taketora energy.

They’re both major simps.

No that’s it, JK I’m messing.

Anyway, they’re also both very honest and friendly.

And while they don’t play as well as the other members of the team, they can take a stand and are willing to learn.

Plus they have the tendency to take anyone in, no questions asked.

#9. RENEE WALKER - Asahi Azumane (Karasuno)

If Renee is a goddamn angel then Asahi is freaking Jesus.

They’re just the kindest characters in the series okay? No questions asked.

Like no one can hate them.

Asahi also gets mistaken as a bad person when really he is a good person just because he’s big and looks kind of scary.

But Renee, often looked upon as a good person, is an ex-gangster who found religion. This girl can kill and people often overlook that.

She’s a bad person trying to be a good person (that line’s going to my grave)

They just parallel okayy

#10. NEIL JOSTEN - Hinata Shoto (Karasuno)

Neil is the most difficult to fit into, really.

It took me like in a middle of typing for another character when I realized how stupid I was to not think of him as Hinata.

Because Neil is obviously Hinata.

For one, they’re both smol gingers.

But also their passion for their respective sports is massive that it borderline crosses stupidity.

I mean Aaron whacked someone dead with Neil’s racket and all Neil was thinking was if he could have said racket back.

And Hinata is obsessed with volleyball. Like Haikyuu!! wouldn’t even exist if Hinata wasn’t so obsessed of it and just listened to everyone that he’s too smol to play.

Like how there wouldn’t be AFTG if Neil listened to his mother and ignored his obsession with exy.

They tend to be so passionate that most of the times they ignore logic because it’s their sport, okay? It’s their world.

Also, Hinata tends to gravitate anyone towards him. Like every single character he meets tend to adore him and take him under their wing and just care for him.

He’s a pocketful of sunshine.

Now, Neil might not be a ray of sunshine but he does tend to have the same effect.

Everyone feels the need to protect this boy and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.

They’re just precious and deserves to be protected and loved for at all costs.

Plus, they’re both sassy af.

[not-poignant]

[1/3] Hi Pia, I wanted to ask u something cuz Im getting shit for an OC Im writing & idk what to do. When I read ur Fae Tales I was v confused by Gwyn&Augus' relationship as I felt like Gwyn hurt more than felt better during their scenes. W time tho I kinda understood that in order for Gwyn to overcome part of his trauma, Augus was having him deal with it by doing stuff that Gwyn hates. Im trying to deal with a similar topic here, but Ive been told that my dom OC is abusive & that its disgusting

[2/3] of me to think abt it as something acceptable. My OC has been abused since he was a kid, both physically & emotionally and he’s now at a poit of his arc where hes desperate to feel better and not disgusted w himself. So he asked his dom to help him break (and he’s v resistent, since he bottled up everything since he was young). Im not writing that the dom enjoys it in any way, but I still get shit like “youre sick, you cant do this, you know nothing abt ptsd”. // [3/3] I really feel bad for this, since I dont wanna pass the message that I condemn abuse in any way. I dont understand whether this is fandom purity or me not doing my research right and fucking up. Also bcos it’s a one-time thing, it’s not something that will go on and continue, since I myself am not comfortable with writing abuse. Idk what to do, can u help me?             

***

It is really tough for me to give advice on something I haven’t read. I mean I kind of…can’t? I can only really give like, very very general advice, to you as a writer, and I’m not sure how helpful it will be.

Like, maybe you are misrepresenting PTSD. Maybe it is coming across a certain way. I can’t tell you whether that’s happening or not. I don’t know if you’re getting any positive comments, or any positive feedback, and I don’t know what fandom you’re in to say whether it’s definitely purity wank (like Dragon Age, where it often is, but still doesn’t mean that some people don’t make good critiques of things).

However, I will say this:

An author has the right to write the scene you’re describing, and even misrepresent PTSD or BDSM or whatever is happening, and it still has a right to exist in the world. That doesn’t mean it will be free from criticism, and if you write controversial or ‘dark’ content, it likely won’t be free from criticism. Them’s the breaks.

You have the right to delete comments, ignore them, or choose to take them on board. And probably some other choices (like taking some of it on board, adding an extra warning in your story like ‘this isn’t a representation of a healthy relationship’ or whatever, and then deleting the comments or ignoring them).

You’re clearly being bullied, and getting personal hate. As soon as someone takes the feedback from ‘this is unhealthy and squicky’ to ‘you’re sick’ - they are erroneously assuming that you are the same as your writing, and that’s not okay. It’s not accurate, not correct, and usually indicates the comment itself is only really fit for the trash. It strongly points towards purity wank bullshit. You don’t have to honour attacks on your personal character, and I strongly believe that folks shouldn’t bother engaging with people who attack their personal character in fic feedback.

I get comments like this on my work sometimes. I delete them. On the very rare occasion I might respond, when I think it’s more valuable for a reader to see a sound, reasoned, non-defensive response that calmly explains what I’m doing in a way that shows both sides of the situation. That’s rare. I just delete them. Once or twice those people have chased me into my inbox, where I block them.

I can’t comment on your story, the quality of your story, or whether you’re achieving what you set out to achieve, or if it’s being done well. I haven’t read it, I can’t do that. The only thing I’d say is make sure that your tags are comprehensive, and if you don’t have one already, maybe consider a warning in your author’s note at the beginning that you’re not trying to write a realistic/healthy relationship and anyone expecting that should exit stage right (or something similar).

I warn for the same with Gwyn and Augus. Honestly you’d think people would know this, being in the fiction tags, but they don’t. Especially people who toe the purity wank line.

I can say that you - as a human being - do not deserve to be personally attacked for what you’re writing, and the delete button is within your reach re: these people’s feedback (if it’s on AO3 anyway). You need to make sure you can look after yourself, and also that you don’t cave to people who cast aspersions on your character. Maybe there are flaws in your fic, all you can do is change that in the future or choose to edit now, if you decide to do neither because you’re not comfortable with abuse, then that’s that. You still have the right to protect yourself from people who are hounding you, and blocking folks who don’t understand one of the most fundamental laws of fanfiction - The First Law of Fandom: ‘Don’t like? Don’t read.’

And maybe take some time to remember what you like about writing fic. Go find some positive comments you’ve had, or read some stories you’re proud of. I’m not sure if any of this stuff helps, because it always hurts a lot to get these kinds of comments, but haters will always exist in the world, and sometimes the most important thing is to just let them know that you won’t tolerate them around the things that you’re creating out of love, for free.

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Edie

Buster: I need to talk to you Edie: hot Edie: shoot Buster: Are you in a state to hear me or not? Edie: i got eyes n ears mckenna Buster: You know what I mean Edie: am i high, what you asking yeah Buster: Well, are you? Edie: when am i not, if you waitin for me be sober u gon be blueballed forever Buster: I just don't want to be talking to a brick wall Buster: Or repeating myself like it's my job Buster: Can you give me that or should we do this another time? Edie: i ain't indie i stay functioning unless i'm nodding Edie: and we wouldn't be flirting rn if i was so off you go Edie: i'm listening Buster: Alright Buster: Drew got lifted on St Paddy's night carrying fuck knows how much Buster: He could get as much as 14 years but I doubt it Edie: ha Edie: s'funny Buster: Do you want me to hit you up again when we know how long he's getting? Edie: nah i'll just pretend he got 14, fitting Edie: how old indie is yeah Edie: paroled himself into pen, ha Buster: No way that cunt'll get max Buster: He never does Buster: But sure Edie: you ain't need to tell me Edie: 'bout to be 16 right here Buster: I was more speaking my own frustrations, babe Buster: But you know Edie: tell me all about 'em Edie: peak daddy issues right now, i'll see u right init Buster: Shut up Buster: You've got a man for that Edie: you ain't Edie: omg are you coming out to me rn Buster: Obviously yeah Buster: Your sister's my beard, like Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: Also I ain't got daddy issues yet so why we talking about me? Edie: makes more sense than what u playing as truth Edie: wanna talk about mine some more Edie: cool Buster: I wanna make sure you're okay Buster: So sue me, babe Edie: sweet Edie: makes no odds to me does it Buster: You tell me Buster: I ain't speaking for you Edie: he ain't been about Edie: i ain't about Buster: I know that's bullshit 'cause they saw you Buster: You could've come in, had a drink Buster: You still can Buster: Fight your way through the tourists, like Edie: i dun wanna cover up your homo ways w you boy i'm soz Buster: Fuck off Buster: You love it Buster: What are you doing that's better? Edie: my mans Edie: like you said Buster: I'm so offended right now Buster: But fine Edie: gutted Edie: any more sad news to get me juiced Buster: I don't reckon Buster: You did talk my sister into therapy though so nice one Edie: whey Edie: slainte Buster: Yeah Edie: vulnerability all round Edie: get u some ur so welcome Buster: What is that meant to mean? Edie: u tellin me my daddy going gone so u can pipe me, so sayin Edie: uncovering all her trauma Edie: 🙌 Buster: Bullshit Buster: Don't be like that Edie: like what Buster: Fucked Edie: boring Buster: If that's your threshold Edie: for your boringness Edie: yeah Buster: Fine Buster: I'll go then Buster: See you later Edie: toodles Buster: Yeah yeah Buster: You know where I am if you actually need anything or wanna talk, babe Edie: desperate Edie: what you actually wanna say Edie: babe Buster: 'Course Buster: You're that irresistible, Eds Buster: I've said what I came here to say Buster: You can't blame me for wondering if that boy can string a sentence together, like Buster: Who else you talking to? Edie: fun times Edie: lots of people Buster: Yeah? Buster: Good Edie: 'fact Edie: one of my lads 'bout to go in Edie: 🤞 they get the same pen, visit 'em both ay Buster: Someone's got to Edie: you know indie will Edie: probably ro too Buster: Nah Buster: They're both over it Edie: nah Edie: indie likes her free gear and ro likes her bit of rough Buster: You're out the loop, kid Edie: you're kidding yourself you think anything changed Edie: been here many times, u weren't about Buster: I know they have Buster: I've seen them both, you ain't Edie: oh babe Edie: no smart mckennas left Edie: so sad Buster: Don't patronise me, babe Buster: You wish Edie: don't play dumb Buster: Don't play like you know anything that's going on Buster: I'd say you'll see but we both know you won't Edie: i got bored of it Edie: wait til you on your thousandth rerun of everyone's shit, you will too Buster: Bored ain't the word for what I am Edie: nah Edie: go on then if ur so smart Edie: impress me with that vocab Buster: Fuck that Buster: I don't need to prove anything to you Buster: I'm smart enough to know it's not worth bothering Edie: that riveting is it Edie: well enjoy his downfall whilst it lasts Edie: dun expect me to join in celebrations Buster: I ain't celebrating nor waiting on you Buster: I've got plenty of other shit to do Edie: clearly Edie: clogging up my inbox inviting me for drinks Buster: I'm here for Rio I ain't here for you Buster: She wanted me to tell you so I have Buster: End of Edie: now u have Edie: probs suck ur dick well done u Buster: She doesn't need the incentive Buster: But thanks for caring Edie: disgusting Buster: You brought it up Buster: Don't if you don't wanna hear about it Edie: yeah just ignore it like it ain't happening with the rest Edie: cool Buster: There's not ignoring it or talking about my sex life as the only two options Buster: Again, you wish Buster: None of this is being ignored by any of my fam Edie: it ain't being dealt with either is it Buster: Speak for yourself Buster: I'm dealing with it every day Edie: no one making u do it Buster: Nobody's making you do anything you are either Edie: welllll i ain't fucking my cuz either so i'm good Buster: That don't make you good Buster: Hilarious maybe Edie: soz ill get to work so i can be up to standard Edie: options ain't limited Buster: Tell me something I don't know Buster: I can do anything I want Buster: How about you? Edie: you can Edie: i am Buster: Proud of you, like Edie: should be Edie: mixed messages otherwise Buster: That's not about to worry me Buster: I only came to deliver one message and it's done Edie: 💔 Edie: obvs Buster: Good to know Edie: relay that if you like Edie: get 'em all feeling good Buster: I don't chat shit anymore Buster: Sorry Edie: why u sorry Edie: idc Edie: they won't love it Buster: 'Cause I know you'd love me to pass this whole convo on but I ain't Edie: aw bummer Edie: so sad Edie: hit 'em with the round robin Buster: You always want me to be your errand boy Buster: So transparent Edie: you wanna be around em so much Edie: i don't Edie: both get what we want Buster: I wanna be here, I don't want them in my face Buster: And especially not on your account Edie: sure Edie: so transparent Buster: Funnily enough, your fam are really annoying Buster: You think you're the only one who knows that? Edie: also your fam but go off Edie: makes it weird when u think on it huh Buster: No, I'm talking about your mob Buster: They ain't my immediate Buster: I'm not seeing them all at breakfast like Edie: me either Edie: i'm as related to them as you are Buster: Bullshit Buster: Your saw your brothers the other fucking day Buster: What was that? A coincidence Buster: Come on Edie: Could be Edie: they were out on street alone Edie: i coulda been anyone Buster: They were outside the pub Buster: Lie better if you're gonna try Edie: on st paddys day Edie: do better if you really dont want ur kids missing Buster: If you were my kid I would Edie: hearteyes Edie: ain't that just what i wanna hear Buster: I don't give a fuck Buster: We're having a convo I'm not playing to an audience Buster: Your parents are shit, what do you want me to do? Edie: i dunna ring social Buster: Ring them yourself Buster: You're the one they failed Buster: It aint your brothers or me Edie: oh yh rest of em are golden Buster: Yeah, as good as they can be Buster: Nobody's perfect Edie: ha Edie: now u bullshitting Buster: No I ain't Buster: What's so fucked up about any of them? Go on Edie: long Edie: u wanted this list u should've given me 3 working days Buster: Keep stalling while you make up your bullshit, babe Buster: I'll be here then Edie: what i gotta make up Edie: your whole thing is evidence of the first and worst, like Edie: why i wasting my time telling u when u don't wanna hear Buster: There's nothing wrong with Rio Buster: But feel free to hit me with that list on the rest of them when you're ready Edie: oh god Buster: Is that all you've got? Buster: Good then Edie: all needs telling to u Edie: u dont care bout the rest of them and how fucked up they are 'til they of age Edie: end of Buster: You don't care about any of them so don't lecture me Edie: sure don't Edie: who lecturing you want the list so bad Edie: k bundy Buster: Whatever Edie: 😂 Buster: I'll see you around on your brother's twitter feed, like Edie: cute u care Buster: Yeah I know Buster: I've been told Edie: i bet Edie: ⭐ Buster: Feel free if you need the cash Buster: Low risk Edie: huh Buster: I'm a safe bet, babe Buster: Don't you know? Edie: u make me wanna throw up in my mouth a bit Edie: not rlly my thing but u make it work 4 u Buster: Yeah I do Edie: ick Edie: stop Edie: i just ate Buster: Good to know Buster: At least you're not gonna starve to death Edie: such a drama queen too Edie: how do u actually get laid its impressive Edie: b4 the whole incest vibe Buster: Talk about mixed messages Buster: Stop flirting with me, babe Buster: I liked it better when you were playing hard to get Edie: boiiiiii Edie: u think that flirting u need to watch out Edie: calling u repugnant Buster: Yeah yeah Edie: oh that's who u remind me of Edie: american psycho Edie: what was his name Edie: gets horny over card stock Buster: Good one Buster: You're funny Edie: i know Edie: imma rewatch Buster: Cute Buster: You don't have to miss me you can just come see me Edie: ew Edie: bateman Edie: ha Edie: funny Edie: indie would laugh Buster: I'll tell her Buster: See if she does Edie: aw Edie: domestic bliss Buster: Yeah Edie: gotta give it to yuh Edie: hustlin on the next Edie: been there Edie: clever Buster: What? Edie: got her good to go when u get bored of ri Buster: You're fucked Buster: She's a kid Edie: whatevs Edie: 4 years ain't a big deal Buster: Yeah it fucking is Buster: When she's 14 Buster: Don't fucking say shit like that to me or about me Edie: dry Buster: Sort your head out Buster: Seriously Edie: what Edie: i don't wanna fuck a 14 year old Edie: n i ain't Buster: Neither do I Buster: Fuck you Edie: cool Edie: keep it legal but dubious Edie: that's how u rollin Buster: Shut up Buster: You don't know what you're talking about Edie: sadly do Edie: u really splash it all over socials Buster: I'm not doing anything wrong Buster: Unlike that boy fucking you Edie: what u gonna do call garda Edie: who cares Buster: You have enough of an opinion about my moral code Buster: Sort yours Edie: oooo victim blaming hahaah Edie: have u for that the feminazis Buster: Give a shit Buster: What are you gonna do, tell on me? Edie: they sense that shit from mile way Edie: dun need to Buster: I'm so scared Edie: same Buster: It's been fun Buster: I gotta go Edie: it hasn't Edie: ✌

[impalawanderlust]

12x18 Wincest Tag

question about the lore research you were talking about

That’s the subject line of the most recent email in Sam’s inbox. It’s from Dean, which would be weird enough on its own, but the fact that he’s asking a question about some research that Sam read weeks ago, that had nothing to do with a case, well...

He didn’t actually think Dean listened to him when he talked about stuff like that. It doesn’t bother him. Really--he knows he can get annoying when he’s excited about statistics or whatever. Particularly when Dean’s always been more interested in the bottom line than in the cause-and-effect that led to it.

Still, it warms the part of his heart that still needs his big brother to validate him. He types out a quick answer, a tiny smile on his face when Dean shuffles in still half-asleep, hair sticking up in every direction as he clutches his coffee mug--only seconds after Sam clicks send.

*

This is not a case IMO, Dean emails two days later.

It takes Sam a second to get past the shock of his technophobic brother using chat speak, but when he does, he opens the email and reads rest of the message:

but I thought it might be interesting to u. gotta love that true crime, huh Sammy? 

ps have u watched that people vs OJ thing yet? looks right up ur alley.

There’s that tiny, pleased feeling again, but now it’s sharing space with no small amount of confusion. Dean’s going out of his way to acknowledge Sam’s interests, but only in emails. They spend almost every waking moment together; is emailing really necessary? Is something wrong? Their relationship is in a pretty good place right now, so unless Dean’s buttering him up before revealing some horrible secret, Sam is flummoxed. 

“Your relationship,” jeers the voice in the back of his head that always manages to sound like Lucifer. “How good can it be when you’re the one keeping a horrible, twenty year-old secret?”

Sam pushes the thought away and types a quick thank-you for the link. He’s closed out of his email inbox and is surfing a monster-sighting blog by the time Dean gets back from the grocery store. His green eyes shine as he crows about homemade hamburgers and fries, so Sam gets up from the computer to help him and resolves to put the whole email thing out of his mind. 

*

click this link?

Sam stares at the new email that’s just popped up in his inbox, incredulous. It’s been over a week since the last email from Dean (not counting the youtube video of a hot dog eating contest gone terribly wrong). Sam thought that it was over.

Stranger still, Dean is sitting directly across the table from him looking, for all intents and purposes, totally engrossed in his Words with Friends game. Sam stares at him for a long second, but Dean just hunches his shoulders and keeps tapping away at the screen. 

With a put-upon sigh and no small amount of trepidation, Sam clicks on the link. It redirects him to youtube and he braces himself for another vomit video, or, if he’s slightly luckier, a rickroll.

It’s neither of those things. It’s Pearl Jam covering Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, and even though the picture quality is questionable, the audio bursts from Sam’s laptop speakers, making them both jump.

Sam hits the mute button as quickly as he can, ears burning. When he chances a glance at his brother, Dean isn’t looking much better. There’s a dull red flush creeping up his neck and he’s staring at his phone, fingers frozen.

“Uhh, thanks?” Sam ventures. He’s not exactly sure what the protocol is, but he’s pretty sure that he can’t pretend that he wasn’t just reading Dean’s email.

Dean shrugs, grunts. “Know you like Pearl Jam.” he mumbles, still not looking up from his phone. “If you’re gonna listen to pansy-ass alternative music, ‘least it’s a damn good song.” 

Sam thinks about telling him he’s always thought of the lyrics as being about the two of them. He thinks about saying that Dean’s the only person he’s ever really trusted. The only person he’s ever loved so completely.

He doesn’t say anything. He never does. The urge always passes after a few moments.

*

The night they carve their initials on the bunker table, Sam goes to bed early. He was already emotionally raw from nearly losing his brother during the hunt, and then Dean had pulled out his knife and started talking about their legacies.

Sam won’t have a legacy, and it’s probably better that way. He’s done too much bad to have it outweighed by the good.

His phone chimes, heralding a new message, and Sam throws a glance at the notification. An email.

From Dean. 

The subject line says legacy and Sam has to smile at how, even after all these years, they still manage to be in sync.

Sammy u have saved a lot of people. u saved the whole world. u deserve to be remembered forever.

Sam blinks away the tears that are suddenly pricking at his eyes. He’s stunned.

Didn’t know you felt that way.

Dean’s answer comes so quickly he can’t be doing anything other than staring at his inbox.

i know. startin to realize u dont know a lot of what i feel. 

my fault. im not very good at talking about it Sammy.

Sam’s fingers tremble as he writes back.

I wish you’d trust me.

Dean’s reply is puzzling.

u might not like what u hear

Frowning, Sam runs his thumb over the screen. There’s plenty that Dean could say that he wouldn’t like to hear. That he’s a failure, a fuck-up. That Dean still thinks he’s a monster that should be put down. Somehow, though, Sam knows that’s not what this is. This feels like something that should’ve happened a long time ago. Something that could clear away all the years of misunderstandings between them. But if he’s wrong, it could ruin everything. Sam’s heart pounds as he taps out a rejoinder.

Try me.

He waits for a few long moments, but Dean doesn’t email back. Disappointment starts to creep in, like a pit forming in his stomach. He pushed too hard, he’s always pushing too hard...

There’s a single, sharp knock at the door and Sam bolts to his feet. He takes two long strides over and wrenches it open. He barely gets a look at Dean’s expression, hope and fear warring in his eyes, before his brother shoulders his way in and grabs Sam by the front of his nightshirt.

“Sammy, I--I...” he falters, fists tightening in the front of Sam’s shirt as his bravado deserts him. 

Sam reaches up and puts his hands over his brother’s. “Dean. Trust me. Please just let me in.”

Dean opens his mouth to speak again, but still nothing comes out. Before Sam can do anything else, he makes a frustrated noise and drags him down to his level, crushing their mouths together.

Sam gasps and Dean takes the opportunity to press deeper, saying with his lips, and teeth, and tongue all the things he can’t manage to give voice to.

I trust you implicitly. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t. I believe in you. I love you. Sam hears it all in the frantic drum of his brother’s heartbeat. He feels it in Dean’s calloused fingers at the back of his neck. He tastes it in the candy-coffee-Dean of this kiss. 

And he knows that Dean doesn’t verbalize his feelings very well, knows that he has to respond in a way that his brother can understand. So he wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and kisses back, putting a lifetime of devotion into it.

I want to give you everything. I’ll always look up to you. I’ve never loved anyone else so completely.

Dean smiles against his mouth and Sam knows he heard the message loud and clear.

[morozovastarkovs]

since this whole anti debacle got me all riled up and really angry i just need to vent and rant and let out my thoughts on the whole jtv mess.

full disclaimer, if you’re expecting anything remotely positive about michael in this, you’re in the wrong fucking place. i hate the man and would spit on his grave if i could. you’ve been warned, if any michael/cordu/eva stans still read this & come into my inbox looking to start a fight or anything, lmao don’t bother bc i won’t respond anyway. i don’t want to start drama or anythng, i just wanna share my viewpoint(s) on the whole thing and use my blog and this post as an outlet for it. if u do want to politely & maturely discuss my views, that’s fine. i’m open to it. nothing else tho.

anyway what bothers me most is that people are constantly like “michael had to die in order for jafael to happen” and “rafael will always be jane’s second choice” or wHATFUCKINGEVER. and i don’t want to see that shit in the jafael tag. not when i go on tumblr dot com, not on twitter, not anywhere. i’m SICK of it, cause it’s everywhere, cordu/eva stans pls come collect ur garbage we dont want it.

anyway i hope those people know that michael was supposed to die back in season 1 and thus jafael was always supposed to be endgame. jane/michael is a thing that they kinda came up with spontaneously and it’s because they got renewed for another season, and another one, and if they had jane and rafael end up together already there wouldn’t have been anything left to tell a story about, since the love triangle was clearly the focal point of the plot in seasons 1 + 2. they had to drag it out at this point like??

i haven’t seen seasons 2b and 3a and never will because unlike some other poeple i am actually able to stop watching a show if something happens that i don’t like and don’t want to see w/o complaining about it nonstop. anyway from what i’ve heard, rafael starts acting kinda shady in those episodes and i have no idea what exactly was going on with his character arc then but as far as i can tell, and yea i might be totally biased, but to me this just seemed like a blatant attempt to get people on board with michael and jane because they literally spent a whole season making the viewers root for jane and rafael and they had to fix that. what better way to do that than by making rafael unlikable /unsuitable in some way? idk man, but it’s cheap and i’m glad i didn’t sit through that character slander.

at this point i would also like to add that if you weren’t “Team Rafael” or whatever in s1 what the hell were you even fucking doing. michael was suuuuuper shitty in s1, he was such a fuckboy and that’s literally why i started hating him so much. he lowkey stalked jane and was immediately immensely jealous of rafael and instantly hated him which??? what the fuck is wrong with you my guy. not only is this so childish and stupid bc rafael didn’t even do anything, but it’s also so disrespectful to jane bc he clearly thinks she’s capable of cheating on him w rafael which ... wow ... you seem to have so much trust and faith in your fiancee! great! gold star for you darlin’. and he just did not support jane in her decision to have the baby after all, he even went behind her back and covered stuff up so she would still give the baby to the solanos. and do NOT get me started on the whole shitty thing where jane flat out told him that she was devoted to rafael and that he was the one she saw herself with, and could he stop pining after her & move on? and he literally had the fuckin GALL to basically tell her she was delusional and that they’d be together? like, even if he was sort of right, this is SO not romantic. if a guy ever tells me he knows me and what i want better than myself he can FUCK OFF. god this scene makes me so angry u don’t even wanna know lmao.

ANYWAY though i had my moments of doubt here and there, i was still p sure that jafael would be endgame, no matter how they would accomplish it. the way that they had michael die in the end was shitty and sloppy writing, i’ll give u that, and literally something no one liked. most jafael shippers didn’t like the whole michael/jane thing to begin with and obv cordu/eva/michael stans didn’t either. tbh i was more expecting that they would write him off in a way that he either left/had to leave for something or that he does somethin unforgivable and jane, like, divorces him or something but i didn’t think they’d kill him after all. oh well. i’m not complaining but i will concede that it was stupid writing.

so... lastly.... “rafael will always be second choice” first of all, even if michael hadn’t died they still would have found their way back to each other. killing him off was simply the easiest way out of the cordu/eva situation and so they went with that. second of all, YIKES! i hate this mentality that you will only ever have the one “love of your life” or whatever you wanna call it and thats it. nothing will ever compare to that and if u lose them you’ll be miserable forever? no thanks. i believe that you can love more than one person in your life, deeply and genuinely love them and have that love be just as fulfilling and great as the other(s). everything else is quite frankly bullshit. it will always be different, yes, but never not as beautiful as anything that came before it and like ... u like to say u care about jane so much but if thats true do you really want her to be unhappy and alone the rest of her life??? no? ..so what you’re saying is you just don’t want her w rafael just because... ok. u do u sweaty :)

anyway i can’t wait for jafael to continue to rise and be endgame, good night.

[anything-advice-blog]

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Heyo boo Ali: thanks for Rocky wrangling with me today, you're now also his fave so, add that to your tally Carly: its k i had fun Carly: hes a cutie & cool kid Ali: me too Ali: yeah, he's alright, but cocky enough so I ain't telling him Ali: dunno where he gets that from 😏 Carly: ha Carly: yea idk Carly: no clue Ali: i'm sorry Ro was being off btw, I'm working out why but trust it wasn't you, babe Ali: been neglecting her lately, everyone wants a piece of me Ali: hard life Carly: idc its me too Carly: nobody wants a piece but you Ali: I just told you that ain't true, and Rocky is ruthless, he called one of my customers a 'big bum witch' the other day Ali: no tip for me, thanks dickhead Ali: but I want all of you regardless Ali: willing to throw hands Carly: aw Carly: this town is full of big bum witches tho Carly: my ma back for one Carly: but are you willing to use those hands for good too or Ali: awks if that was your Ma, like hey gurl, I think you rock it Ali: your daughter ain't bad either Ali: you know it, IOU 'cos we couldn't make like we were in the backrow of the cinema Carly: unless she been lying about where she at i think youve avoided meeting the in laws again Carly: k cuz you kno i need to collect soon Carly: bored Carly: just back and zoned out so fast Ali: ain't even got exciting stories from their galavanting? fucking rude Ali: at least when we go AWOL we also go wild Ali: make things happen, lads Carly: my ma's good for nothing but hairspray and peroxide Carly: only use if i get beat up again Carly: my da's good for cash tho if you wanna get wild w me Ali: or you wanna single white female me Ali: which would be a disappointing outcome to say the least Ali: can't tonight babe, I've gotta have some sister time Ali: go hard for both of us Carly: k Carly: try not to miss me bad when shes talking about me Ali: oh babe, she will not, and if she does I'll set her straight Ali: gonna let the world know you're my 😇 Carly: whatever her issue shes gotta air it and youre her sister so you gotta hear it Carly: idc shes not gonna hurt me w it Carly: and setting peeps straight is the opposite of how you do, babe Ali: true Ali: idk what issue she could have though, you're a literal ray of sunshine Ali: true again 😏 Ali: ugh, imma miss you Ali: maybe i can sneak out when she's gone to bed, the 'rents too Carly: i miss you now Carly: cant hear my parents say shit Carly: i just wanna talk to you Carly: dont tell me maybe & keep me waiting tho Ali: i will Ali: promise Carly: i dont wanna make trouble for you Carly: w anyone Carly: you can stay w her if you need to stay Ali: You won't Ali: I can do both Ali: be back before first light Ali: even if I'll miss watching the sun rise on your face 😔 Ali: we've got the night, baby Carly: but you kno if ive got you for the whole night youre gonna fall asleep Carly: thats what im good at Carly: feel free to tell your sister thats why you like me ha Carly: fun & tiring its magic Ali: hmm, we'll see who wears who out first, babe Ali: and if I am that husband, then you'll just have to wake me up with morning sex like the good little wifey you are 😘😂 Carly: always bringing that confidence i like it Carly: k but if my parents wake up too you can explain its a duty thing yea i had to like Ali: i like you Ali: for so many reasons and imma show you all of 'em tonight Ali: fuck that Ali: stay out with me, its warm enough Ali: i'll trace all the constellations out with my tongue so you won't ever forget Ali: educational Carly: my ma is asking me what im blushing about Carly: i told her what you said but she's not a believer Carly: support my education bitch Carly: ha Ali: i mean, i'd offer to let her see the benefits for herself but Ali: not gonna win me any brownie points 'cos she won't take me up on it Carly: she dont kno what she's missing but i do Carly: wish you were here Ali: me too Ali: start the party without me babe, i don't mind Carly: too late if you do Carly: gotta get through this reunion some way Ali: they aren't making you watch a slideshow, are they? Ali: fate worse than death Ali: Maybe you could go to Ronan's? Lmao, he's been up in my pussy way too much since he found out about us...didn't think we were THAT loud but ok boy Carly: yea Carly: might do cuz same Carly: but what if i miss you he can really make a night of it when he wants Ali: Nah, I won't let you face that disappointment, babe Ali: my spidey senses will tingle like not on my watch, fuckboy Carly: aw Carly: you gonna come get me? Carly: thats no way to get him out your pussy babe fyi Ali: yeah Ali: I know but I like the idea of showing you off as mine Ali: but no sharing, he only gets to watch and be mad he fucked it up Carly: i like it too Carly: youre hot when youre oneupping fuckboys Carly: i thought i knew how to do it best but k youre flipping the script Ali: as long as i'm besting them i'm doing my job right Ali: gotta keep you on-board Carly: speak of the devil Carly: how he know i was alone & horny Carly: my parents have only gone to the shops its uncanny Ali: know your neighbours but bit stalkerish, pal Ali: i'll text him to fuck off, freak him out Ali: how does she know, ha, two can play this game fucko and I'm more committed Carly: ha Carly: you gotta Carly: hes smoking im gonna bum one see what line he tries to lay on before the text sends Ali: On it Ali: gotta let him know there's a queue to court the princess now and he's at the back, soz Carly: he likes hitting it from the back he wont be put off Carly: im gonna show him some of the hot pics i took of you tho Ali: when is he ever tbf? 🐶👅💦 Carly: true Carly: that fucking cute tho aren't i Ali: you know it babe Carly: hes talking to my da now Carly: kill me Ali: how fucking dare he Ali: knowing he has the upper hand with the man bants Ali: i know how to change a tire too! love me! Carly: if my ma invites him in for tea im out of here Carly: she will think hes hot under the collar for her & bitch thats my groundwork Ali: Run baby run Ali: what kinda moron is he tho Ali: coulda had a private show if you just waited, now its all saturday night telly and flat lager Carly: you kno i have nowhere to go if you dont want me babe Carly: facts Carly: he likes me now he cant have me what a fucking Carly: like i wouldve fucked you but im not getting w you Ali: i do, is this full sos crisis mode though? 'cos i need to be good for a lil while longer yet Ali: such a typical bloke move that Ali: bet he ain't the only boy in ur inbox, not a pun Ali: 'cos he ain't in mine like 🙄 Carly: its k your sister needs you Carly: i can keep walking Carly: loads of other lads on site as well as in my inbox Carly: & they arent trying to say hi to me before we get down to it nevermind my parents Ali: 😾 Carly: why so sad blue eyed boo Ali: i don't like how lads treat you Ali: i'm not jealous, like swear to god, even though i obviously want you all to myself, i get it Ali: but i'm not about how shit they are to you, even if you don't care, they should care to be decent humans Carly: thats not lads its everyone Carly: youre the only one treating me different Carly: they dont know how else to be Carly: made my bed babe Ali: nah Ali: you don't deserve half the shit you get, that's bullshit Ali: and even the rest, people just don't wanna try to understand or be good, heaven forfend they inconvineince themselves for one second, like Carly: if im a slag im a slag i dont get to put conditions on it Carly: if it was a film maybe Carly: but theres no romance coming my way from theres and i dont want it Ali: why can't you just be you? someone who likes fucking, among other things Ali: not romance just like...not being a cunt Ali: idk Ali: pisses me off Carly: cuz you don't run the world even tho you strut it like you do and i love it Ali: not yet, babe Ali: one day, and you can be my right hand woman Carly: yea? Carly: take me w you & ill take you to all your fave places k Ali: k Ali: we'll be fun forever, I promise you Carly: gotta be Ali: you know i like you even when you ain't tho Ali: don't tell Carly: who would i Carly: ronans got enough for his wank bank & nobody else is chatting to me rn Ali: exactly, ruins the illusion and fantasy when they realise i care about you Ali: so unsexy of me Carly: youre sexy to me Carly: idc what they think Ali: good Ali: me either Carly: i like you too you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i had my suspicions Carly: i dont have any subtlety sorry about it Ali: Don't be Ali: I love it Ali: not enough people say what they mean or want, ever Carly: waste Carly: k i wasnt shouting how bad i wanted to kiss you before i did but not cuz i was bothered about me Ali: agreed Ali: sometimes you can't know you want something until you've got it Ali: i get it Carly: you get me Carly: its weird Ali: 🔮 Carly: ha Carly: k what am i thinking now Ali: wouldn't be proper to say Ali: tut tut bad girl Ali: like how you think though Carly: fuck Carly: youre good Ali: 🤷 don't mean to brag but remember that phrase you'll be screaming it later Ali: such a Ronan line, I can't 😂 Carly: but true Carly: not like when he says it Ali: 😍 Carly: what you doing w your sister Carly: gotta live through that cuz bored Ali: Fixing my weave Ali: getting into a white girl dread territory over here Ali: then gonna do some 🔮 forreal Ali: get ready for me to be even more of a know it all baby Carly: cute Carly: tell me my future i got some shit from another neighbor & im waiting for it to kick Carly: hows it gonna treat me Carly: needing a good trip Ali: we'll see who gets the answer first Ali: you got anything for me? Carly: yea Carly: they mystery but i kno you arent scared Carly: & you got me doing a test run rn lying on here on the grass Ali: 🌌 be there before it fades away my space explorer Carly: if you find me at a bad end prob dont take it Ali: is one of the lads trip sitting you Carly: so he reckons but hes drinking so theres no trust Carly: & he gave me it Carly: his game could be me lights out idk Ali: keep texting me, okay babe? Ali: if shit gets too real, tell me and I'll come early Ali: my sis is cool now, she gets what we're doing, she was just confused Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Carly: you told her you like me Ali: 'course I did Ali: I ain't ashamed Ali: I'm proud Carly: youre gonna make me cry Ali: You're special, Carly Ali: You're gonna see Carly: I just wanna see you tho Ali: Me too Ali: I'm gonna make her some chamomile tea and then I'm coming, yeah? Carly: but thats not fair to her Carly: she's not gonna be a fan of me Ali: I've promised her more time tomorrow Ali: You need me rn Carly: but what if i want you to stay Carly: what are we gonna do then Ali: i'll stay until you're ready for me to go Carly: you mean that? Ali: yes Ali: promise, imma take care of you Carly: but theres nothing in it for you Carly: youve already got me you dont have to Ali: i wanna keep you Ali: and not just selfishly Ali: you gotta stick around, you're too cool to go anywhere, okay Carly: k Carly: im here & if you wanna be im not stopping you Ali: good Ali: i wanna be wherever you are Carly: i kept you pills back the lads didnt want me to but idc about them & you can follow me in now Ali: fuck them Ali: just me and you Carly: yea Carly: ill look after you too Ali: 😇 Ali: i know, i trust you Carly: idk if you should Carly: but i like it Ali: willing to take my chances Ali: you're worth it Carly: thats you Ali: i'm so glad i met you Carly: me too Carly: not that i met me thats weird Carly: you know what i mean Ali: i got you Ali: not high yet 😉 Carly: id seen you around before you guardian angel'd me that night Carly: thats weird too Carly: that i didnt see you how i do now Ali: it is Ali: you were always cute but Ali: idk, i can't claim to have seen this in my crystal ball Carly: thats cuz i wasnt cute i was a state Carly: & youd have more likely seen me sucking ronans dick Carly: look away babe you dont need to have that image in your mind Ali: don't need him reckoning he plays part in any of my fantasies, nah Ali: you can't not be cute, no matter how you try, soz babe Carly: you can't not be so sweet to me can you Ali: dunno Ali: not tried Carly: idk what id do if you did Carly: i got used to it Ali: got no plans to stop Ali: unless you ask me to, like Carly: thats not gonna be what i ask you to do Carly: trust me Ali: you can tell me all about it Ali: 5 minutes, tops Carly: okay