#both me and asbestos wish everybody a good new year

[kookyfurby]

Happy new year everybody!

[ownworldresident]

Side by Side. Chapter 11: Care (Part Two)

King Liam x Rayne (MC): With new additions to their family, Rayne and Liam re-evaluate their relationship dynamic.

Disclaimer: Most  characters are the property of Pixelberry studios. I am just borrowing them and will return them when I am done.

MASTERLIST

Side by Side Masterlist

Cameo Appearance by @hopefulmoonobject as Clair. Thanks Nesha!

The next morning Rayne was organising Liam’s workspace and checking on her computer the area he mentioned where the warehouse was being dismantled. It was an interesting area. There was some commercial and residential zoning around it and in fact it was the only industrial plot in the area. Luckily it wasn’t heritage listed, but it would be a tricky operation to pull it down when there was so much asbestos. The suggestions from the community were interesting but some conflicted and she was trying to order them when someone knocked on the door.

Immediately her heart sped up, she had been on edge since seeing her mother, sure she wouldn’t try and enter again but wary all the same. She recognised the knock though, and smiled. Only one person she knew knocked once hard, paused, then twice quickly.

“Drake,” she was still smiling when she made it to the door and opened it.

“Steven’s,” he reflected the smile and she stepped back, “how are you?” he asked as he walked in.

“Good. Much better. And you?” she moved over to the desk again and closed her laptop. Turning back she saw that Drake was looking at her desk as well, and the work spread on it. Liam was in a meeting at the moment, and he always left it tidy, so Drake would know that it was Rayne’s work.

“Same. Have you got a few minutes?” Rayne frowned at him, then nodded, and Drake moved over to the hall to close the door. A quick glance at the coffee table she saw the baby monitor and calmed.

“Of course.”

“We need to talk,” he gestured to the chairs and her heartbeat sped up again. She allowed herself to appear nervous as she sat in her favourite lounge chair. If she was going to be open with Liam she could be with one of her closest friends. Drake didn’t choose Liam’s chair, purposefully, she knew that, and appreciated it, relaxing slightly.

“What is it?”

“Rayne you need to realise who you are, and what you are capable of. You can’t keep doing this.” he gestured to the baby monitor and the closed hallway door, looking slightly uncomfortable, “you know, you absolutely know, that you are more than capable of being both a queen and a mother. You also know that the reason you aren’t doing both is not just because you want to focus on the twins but because you don’t think you are capable of more than that.” Rayne stared at him, swallowing hard and clasping her hands together on her lap to try and prevent them from shaking.

“Drake I-”

“I’ve been trying to let you realise that. But the truth is you know it, and you’ve known it for months. This isn’t just about being better than Madeline, you know that that’s a low bar. It isn’t even about Liam, not completely. Hell it isn’t about the people. This is about how much you care and how much you want to make a difference. You are strong, loyal, compassionate, understanding, sympathetic, kind, so much more and you have so much respect, from everybody, because of this and because you earned it.” Rayne bit her lip to stop it from trembling and felt tears stinging her eyes.

“You’re wrong,” she said quietly, because she knew he was right.

“You know that’s a lie,” Drake said firmly. He leant forward, and continued gently, “the only thing you are not, Rayne, is honest. With yourself and with Liam.” he paused but Rayne looked away, she didn’t know what to say to that. She and Liam had finally come to an understanding about what they were keeping from each other and what was hurting them. After that night they had become closer than ever before and it was amazing to be so connected to him. Even during the months she had been pregnant she had been increasingly distant and hadn’t even realised, because the distance was internal. And he had become increasingly stressed and depressed and either hadn’t realised it or hadn’t admitted it to keep her from the stress of causing it. She hadn’t told him everything, but they were so at peace, she didn’t want to threaten that.

“I can’t. Drake I can’t lose that,” her voice was barely audible as she looked back at him, a few tears escaping her. The last time Drake had confronted her she had shut him down hard and fast. Now was more difficult. It was harder to hide things she had already admitted, and once Drake knew she had opened up he could delve deeper, which he was doing.

“You won’t lose anything, Rayne,” Drake looked at her sympathetically, “Liam loves you unconditionally. Nothing you say or do will change that, but you need to be honest, with yourself and with him.” Rayne squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.

“I… I know,” she said, her hands shaking. Hearing footsteps she looked up to see Drake standing in front of her, holding out a hand. Taking it, she allowed him to pull her up and was momentarily surprised when he wrapped her in his arms. How she had come to have Drake as one of her closest friends she did not know. He was always so guarded, but with her, as with Liam, she wasn’t.

“Remember who you are,” he said softly as she hugged him back, “remember how strong you are and what you are capable of.” she nodded, at a loss for how to respond. After a few seconds he squeezed her tight and let go. She nodded again, meeting his gaze, and he met her with a warm smile, and left her to think about what he had said.

Liam sat in Rayne's suite early in the afternoon, reading through the Valtoria documents. Rayne had been through them briefly before she went out, and her notes were more than he could have considered on his own. He was on dad-duty, but a trip outside that morning had tired them out, and they were already resting. When they woke up, he looked forward to spending more time there. The document on his desk in his office was signed, by him as well, and he had read through it to finalise those arrangements. Nothing could ruin the good mood he had been in since arriving back last night. The air felt clear, clean, and he realised exactly what kind of oppression that woman had brought on the palace. And what kind of difficulty bearing the weight of Madeline and the guard of Rayne had wrought on him. It was over… he could breath.

Not long after he sat down to work there was a knock at the door and his assistant entered.

“Thomas, how are you?” Liam smiled at the man, putting down his pen and standing to greet him. He kept his voice low so as to not wake Evie and Leo, and Thomas matched his tone.

“Good afternoon Your Majesty” he bowed his head. Thomas had been his father’s assistant for a few years before he died, and though Liam had told him many times to forego the formalities, he had accepted that the man had them so intrinsically associated to his post that he they were subconscious. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, Liam had eventually stopped asking and allowed him the habit. He continued, “you have a request for a meeting in your office in half an hour.” Liam frowned.

“I had asked to postpone individual meetings until tomorrow. Who is it?”

“They did ask me to keep that a secret.” Thomas looked slightly uncomfortable at that and Liam breathed deep as he considered his answer.

“They do not get to make that request, Thomas,” he didn’t like having to enforce his rank like that, but he needed to know if this was something he could postpone, “who is it?”

“Clair” he said. Liam glanced at the hall leading to the nursery.

“I see,” he looked back, “tell her I will be there shortly. If she is unavailable I will have to call the nanny, as Rayne is out at the moment,” Thomas bowed his head again.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Would you like me to call her?”

“No, that’s alright. Thank you,” Liam nodded at him, and he took it as leave to exit. Clair knew that Rayne was out at the moment, and he wondered what she could have to say that could not be said here.

Twenty minutes later Liam opened the door to his office, noting the document he had left on his desk and, given that Clair was sitting against the edge of it waiting, wishing he had hidden it or put it away.

“Good afternoon Clair,” he smiled and closed the door behind him. She crossed her arms when she saw him, raising an eyebrow expectantly. What Rayne had said about her bluntness was starting to concern him now.

“You’re late.  Not very becoming, is it?” Clair looked at him sternly.

“I am sorry,” Liam came around the desk to place the document in a drawer, “as you know Rayne is out at the moment, I had to call the nanny to take care of Leo and Evie.”

“I get it, but you are still late, a phone call would have been nice. But you did give me two beautiful godchildren, so you will get some of the family slack, but not much, you're not completely family just yet.” she smirked, “and just in case you are wondering, Yes, I read them,” for a moment Liam was surprised. He had thought Thomas had given the message, but what Clair said about him not being family yet made him wonder if that was the reason she had asked to meet him. As for the papers…

“Did you find any errors?” he asked.

“Yes, they should be annulment papers, not divorce. Anyway, let’s get to the point. Liam, I need help understanding one, how we got here; two, how this happened and three, how the wicked witch of the west has so much power?” Liam collapsed in his chair at the words, letting his head fall into his hands and rubbing his eyes. Everything he had asked himself daily for so long came flooding back. Clair continued, “I want you to know that I have my best people on getting a statement from that Tariq guy, should have it in my hands in about three hours.  I know that I can come off as a bitch, but I am here to help.  I am working from the UN perspective, all eyes will be on you once the trial starts, I have to make sure, I can help you. So every question will need an answer.”

“Go back a moment Clair, you found Tariq? You actually found him? How?”

“Liam, do you know what I do for the UN? “ Clair asked, “I find lost children, most of them have been sold into the sex trade or worse. I was in the military when I was recruited, I have my ways. But yes, I found him.  Madeleine was supposed to take a seat on the committee against child exploitation, but she is guilty of it.  Cordonia needs a seat at the UN. I want you to have this seat.”

“That’s…” Liam stared at her, “that’s a huge honour, Clair. You’re right about Madeline but have you…” he frowned, considering his words. Something else that he had been thinking about, but trying not to think about. He was pretty sure what her response would be, “have you spoken to Rayne about this? About the seat at the UN?” he held his breath waiting for her response.

“I may have glossed over it, she knows that Madeleine was supposed to speak, that was when I first met her and saw first hand how she regarded Raynnie and the kids. Or should I say, how she disregarded them. Liam, how was she given so much power? Seriously. Please know that I am not going to tell Raynnie everything, I need to know the best course of action to take.”

“Honestly?” Clair nodded, “Madeline didn’t have as much power as everyone believes. I think it was one of the reason’s she was so bitter. In the end, I have the final say, and I dictated what she had control over. There is no way Madeline would admit to it, but she knew where she stood.”

“With all due respect, Liam, I call bullshit. She paid a doctor to keep the pregnancy results from both of you until after the facade of a marriage. And from what I can tell of you, you would have consummated the marriage out of duty, but thank god, you didn’t. Raynnie may have gotten her digs in where she could, but that woman made her feel like nothing. She was only the mother of your bastard children, in her eyes, someone she would dispose of when she was ready, you saw how she was going to do that, they aren’t children to her, they are the property of the crown. So if you think that is not power, you need a lesson on what power truly is.  You would be undermined at every chance she got. She was never under your control.” Liam felt frustration at her words, something he would usually bury, but this time, with a friend, he wouldn’t.

“You are out of line Clair,” he said, standing, “you don’t have the full picture and you have no right to question it or make assumptions like that. I know where Rayne and I and Madeline stand and what you say doesn’t cover it. You are intuitive, I respect that, but what you have seen in your short time here is not everything,” he considered what she had led with and frowned deeper, “you spoke to Drake, then. He told you about the bribe,” she laughed.

“I am never out of line, Your Majesty, this is my job, to ask the hard questions, to strip away the bullshit.  And of course I talked to Drake! Who did you think finally invited me to this ridiculous party in hell?” Clair took a deep breath and closed her eyes, speaking more evenly when she looked up, “you have my sister’s and those children:’s lives in your hands, she may not be my flesh and blood, but she is all I have left in this world.” she paused and ran her hand over her forehead. He wanted to dispute her points, but would have to wait, he could see the hurt in her expression and how much Rayne meant to her.

“I’m sorry to hea-”

“Let me continue.” she said, holding up a hand. Though the behaviour was disrespectful, he needed to hear her, “Liam, I know you are a good man, but for fuck’s sake, open your damn eyes, Raynnie still hides her hurts from you. And I have been doing my research, I verify everything before I  make my mind up.” Clair paused to recompose herself. “Look, I am not the enemy here, but I need you to see that this will become more than just a domestic issue.  This seat at the UN comes with some great thing, but also some bullshit… I need to know everything to help, getting Tariq’s statement is step one, clearing her name once and for all. Now you have to deal with this trial, are you 100% sure that Madeleine drugged you?

“Who else could it be?” he frowned, “she has motive, has evidence, and we know she is capable it of this,” Clair nodded.

“I understand, but you cannot be wrong. If you are wrong on one thing she could walk and make you look like a fool. And then there is mommy dearest,” she sighed, “I saw her interview, complete bullshit, but Raynnie is American, and the only daughter of a senator. Never underestimate the power of a scorned woman.” Clair paused, studying him, “perhaps you need a reminder that you wear the crown, that crown does not wear you.  You should have the final say, but you have to know when to not give two shits about the council or anyone else. Make a decision and stand by it. We both know that Raynnie regrets not being your wife, and she is already doing the job of the Queen, she knows that, but she needs to admit it. I think that she should tell her story to the committee. But that is a decision for the two of you to make. Thank for your time, but I have some more things I need to uncover.”  with that she left, and Liam collapsed in his chair. Rayne still hid some things from him but most of it was open now, and after all he still kept his own council. He wanted her to be Queen. His Queen. But he wouldn’t ask her, until he knew she was ready, which he was sure she would be in her own time, hopefully.

Drake was sitting with Leo in his room when Clair’s call came through. He looked up at Leo, who shrugged.

“We can see if my brother is still in one piece I guess,” he smirked, and Drake rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“That tracks. It is something to be genuinely worried about with that woman. I swear if we put her and Olivia in a room, I actually don’t know who would come out on top… best not. They could team up.”

“And that would be a bad thing,” Leo came over to where he sat on the bed and pressed answer, “answer it,” he sat back in his chair. Drake picked up his phone.

“Drake, it’s Clair, I pissed off your friend, but now he may hear was you have to say.” he chuckled.

‘Should’ve fucking known… what did you do?’ he looked at Leo, who was grinning.

“You're welcome. He should be calling you any minute now, I just called it like I see it, and let him know that I found Tariq.  Don’t worry, I am the bad guy here. Gotta go.”

“Wait, stop her a sec,” said Leo quietly, Drake frowned at him.

‘Okay wait a second. Clair? You still there?’

“What is it?” he put the phone to his chest.

“What do you want to say?”

“Ask her if she wants to have dinner with me,” Drake stared at him, and he raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to relay the ridiculous message. He lifted the phone to his ear.

‘You seriously want me to ask her that?’ Leo shrugged, grinning, ‘Clair do you want… urgh… Leo would like to know if you want to get dinner” he groaned,  ‘there, I fucking said it, are you happy?”

“You could have worded it better.”

“Well fuck off then you should have asked her yourself’

Clair laughed“Tell Leo, he can call me himself, I am not in high school.” Clair hung up.

“You are unbelievable,” he shoved the phone back in his pocket.

“I just wanted to see if you would actually ask on my behalf. Test successful,” Drake sighed, and moved towards the door. Olivia was downstairs somewhere, they could pick up in her room. When he turned back he realised what Leo had said and smirked.

“Actually, no. What you did is show your cards. Fucking grow a pair, Rhys.” he left.

If Clair had got through to Liam, and he had got through to Rayne, then hopefully those wide smiles they saw yesterday and this morning would be completely genuine, even subconsciously.

Tag List: @leelee10898 @umccall71 @indiacater @speedyoperarascalparty @brightpinkpeppercorn @riseandshinelittleblossom @bella-ca @custaroonie @furiousherringoperatortoad @missevabean @thequeenofcronuts @hopefulmoonobject @kuladekiwi @mfackenthal @iplaydrake @lodberg @annekebbphotography @carabeth @wannabemc @explorer-of-gems @be-still-my-aching-heart

[henrynichol78-blog]

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Business listings taken for publication are obtained by various procedures.

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The Battle Over Telephone Directory and How to Win It

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[tabbysgotclaws]

The Executrix Pt.1  - #Throwback

Another golden oldie. I’ve had weirder nights. Gonna split it into two parts because it’s longer than Ron Jeremy - if you have a problem with that, you can eat my ass.

***

A lot of people consider prostitution to be the world's oldest profession - that's how I started all this last time. But, for something older than a T-Rex's asshole, there's always a request that can still surprise you.

Imagine, for a second, that a three-hour-long session of cock-and-ball torture is your idea of a quiet day at the office. Imagine you know what the Fried Clam Slammer is, and you can think about it without losing your appetite. Also - imagine, if you can, satisfying that appetite by eating cheating dirtbags for fun and profit, and doing this for a few thousand years.

First of all: if all this is true for you, then congratulations, gorgeous, you're me, and you look phenomenal.

Secondly: imagine what kind of request it'd take to shock you. Something so rare that, even after all this time, it still has the power to raise an eyebrow, like seeing a dick wider than it is long.

So we're in Starbucks - the Agent Smith from the Matrix of coffee franchises - and he's drinking a mocha-locha-frappe-ding-dong or whatever the hell it's called. You know, those drinks that are like half ice-cream and cost so much you have to remortgage your house if you wanna buy one. He's young, attractive, and single, so no scorned beauty or beaux is paying me to chow down on him tonight - but that doesn't mean nobody is paying me.

"You know," he says, his voice smooth and confident, as you can expect from a guy born with a silver spoon between his ass-cheeks. "Part of me was expecting you not to show."

I give him the classic pursed-lip grin, my mouth a crimson check-mark. He's not paying for the Girlfriend Experience - this is just negotiations.

Normally, I'd do this part online, or over the phone, but he's giving me an advance to meet in public for this one. Mr. Playboy doesn't want there to be screenshots, or recordings. And yet, he's not said a word about what he actually wants yet.

Meet Tyler Bradley. I did about ten minutes ago. He's 24 and looks it: fit, athletic, kinda like a black-haired Ken Doll whose features have been moulded and sharpened by the tip of a scalpel. Unlike the last client I told you about, he's catalogue-model-handsome. Not exactly skinny, but not buff either. A less substantial lump of meat.

It'll be easier on my figure, at least.

"Why so coy, Mr. Mysterious?" I ask him, dialling up the flirtatiousness to eleven. "This your first time?"

He smiles at me, the way an adult smiles at a kid who's just asked them where babies come from.

"I'm not a virgin," he says, a little too firmly for someone secure in themselves. "Quite the opposite, actually."

"So you're a regular Don Juan, are you?"

"Yeah. I guess you could say that."

He takes another slurp from his tall cup of overpriced bean juice, and I suddenly feel the urge to smoke.

"Look, I'm all for foreplay, kid, but you're killing me here. Aren't you gonna tell me what you're after?"

"It's a little...niche."

"Niche is my middle name, Hun."

"Really niche. Like, really, really niche."

"Try me."

Another self-conscious slurp.

"Aren't you gonna have anything?" He asks.

"I'm saving room for later. Say, speaking of room, how about we find one?"

Tyler smiles in an attempt to hide the fact the back of his jaw is clenching up. His hands are fidgeting - on the cup, off the cup, on the cup, off the cup - but he never picks it up.

I'm running through different scenarios of what he might ask me: vacuum-bag asphyxiation? Rubber hose oviposition-play? A fisting session that'd put the Rumble in The Jungle to shame?

What I don't expect - and, incidentally, what I get - is a brief autobiography.

"I was born rich. My dad owns Bradley Aeronautics, it's been in the family for a few generations, so I've never really been in want of anything," he says. "I want a Lamborghini? I can have six by dinner. I want a new house? Done. A yacht? Where's the nearest port? So, you know, material goods never meant much to me. It's all just stuff."

"That...must've been tough for you."

"So for me, the only thing that's ever been worth anything is experience. Drugs, booze, women. Chemical highs. Strip clubs. Adrenaline junkie stuff. Just anything that gets the blood pumping, you know? I'd scale Everest, have an orgy with a boatload of Russian supermodels, rail the purest X you've ever seen."

"So what do you want with little ol' me?" I ask, already bored of him.

Tyler glances both ways, and leans across the table towards me, getting all up in my face.

"The one experience I've never had."

"Oh yeah? What can I do that a baker's dozen Russian babes can't?"

"Well, I've heard on the grapevine that this whole hooker thing isn't all you do," he says, that tight little smile uncurling across his face like an expensive rug.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I've been looking into this for a little while now, and I know, sweetheart, I know. You're different. You've been helping people take care of little problems, haven't you? Little problems that don't just go away on their own."

For the first time in longer than I care to mention, I'm feeling a little nervous. Does he...does he know what I am? Does he know what I've been doing to people?

"Now, I'm not sure what you've been doing with the bodies--"

Phew. Thank fuck for that.

"--but I know for a fact, you've been killing people. Not everyone, but some folks who go your way? They never come back, and people sure do take a while to file the missing person's report."

I'm still forcing that lippy smile, and I'm wondering if I can just snap the guy's neck and leave without anyone noticing. I've been outmanoeuvred by this fucking kid. It's almost as embarrassing as the rubber chicken incident - but that's a story for another day.

I have to find an elegant solution to the Tyler problem.

"What's your point?" I ask.

"You're a hooker, and you kill people," he says. "Isn't it obvious that that's really fucking hot? I can't be the only one seeing this."

"Wait, what?"

"I like a lady who can take charge, you know? I'm so used to pushovers, people who'll do anything for me because they know about all the money. It's pathetic. But someone like you? Someone willing to take a life, but isn't afraid to put out, either? That really revs my engine, babe."

"So...let me get this straight," I say, speaking a little quieter than usual. "You want to watch me kill someone?"

Tyler laughs, and shakes his head at me.

"Oh, no, nothing like that. I want you to kill me."

And there's the money shot.

"Uh, come again?" I ask.

"You heard me - I've done it all, seen it all, fucked it all. So what's left? The ultimate sexual taboo: death!" He says. "After a certain point, everything just gets kinda played out. Like even your favourite song, if you listen to it enough, it gets dull, right? But I can think of something I've never done: seeing if I can orgasm and flatline at the same time."

What I'm feeling right now is a cocktail of confusion, curiosity, and immense relief. As far as I'm concerned, little Tyler's sexual death-wish suits my purposes just fine - and if I can get paid and he can get off in the process, then everybody wins. A happy ending for all, real Walt Disney stuff.

"Okay, I'm down." I say, "a hundred grand, cash, if possible."

He raises both eyebrows like I've just dropped trou and pissed in his cup of hipster nectar.

"That's a little steep, isn't it?" He says.

"What? You're gonna be dead, dude, it's not like you can use it. And it's a hell of a lot cheaper than six lambos," I say, coming dangerously close to showing off my fangs in a self-satisfied smirk.

He shrugs, as if to say, "fair enough."

"I didn't expect you to be this eager."

"Well, you seem like a sweet kid, I'd be more than happy to murder you."

"Thanks. I'm flattered."

"I know a place nearby, the Restin' Easy, I'm a friend of the manager. He'll be able to clean up once I'm done with you," I tell him.

He pauses and shakes his head again. He does that too much for me to enjoy his company.

"What's the problem, slick?"

"Not there," he says. "There's a warehouse on the edge of town. I want you to kill me there."

A warehouse? A freaking warehouse? That classic romantic getaway location, if you're a meth-addled hobo and the pack of expired sirloins he's about to fuck. A little unsanitary adds character, sure, but I don't wanna feel like I need to hose the little bastard down before I eat him.

But, the customer is always right - if they've got the cash. And Tyler Bradley has the cash.

"Okay, deal."

"Excellent. I'll email you the directions." He says, slurping the last dregs out of his cup.

"So, when do you wanna die, Tyler?"

"We'll say tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it."

"Likewise. It's a pleasure doing business with you."

***

When you spend every other night drenched in blood, you get worse at noticing red flags. If my vision were a little clearer, I'd have noticed that Tyler Bradley was all red flags - from his weird-as-shit request to his sex-trafficking-racket location choice.

But, if this business has taught me one thing, it's that you miss out on a hell of a lot when you're greedy, hungry, and horny. It's why Sherlock Holmes never solved cases with an empty wallet, an empty stomach, and an eight-inch throbbing hard-on.

So, I turn up at the warehouse, just like Bradley-boy asked. It looks like a forty-foot, metal picnic basket full of black mould, rust, and asbestos, and I thank Satan my lungs aren't human.

As I walk through the gaping doorway, I keep myself amused by trying to figure out how many senses you'd have to lose before this shithole seemed like an appealing place to get your fuck on. Mafioso's don't shoot rats through the back of the head in places like this because of the appealing aesthetic qualities: they do it cause nobody in their right fucking mind would ever wanna go there, unless they were quietly taking care of their own little problem too.

Tyler's standing inside, wearing a leather jacket and jeans, and there's an inexplicably clean mattress laying on the grimy floor next to him.

"I brought this along," he says. "I'd hate for you to get tetanus."

"How thoughtful of you. So, you ready to do this?"

"As I'll ever be. The anticipation is really beginning to get to me."

"Then how about we just get it over with?"

We disrobe, nude bodies uncomfortable against the stale, stinking air of the warehouse. He's well-equipped, enough to assume this night won’t be a total write-off, but I'm still pissed about the venue.

Oh well, can't have it all.

He lays across the mattress and waits for me, erect, and I can already tell I'm going to be the one putting all the effort in tonight. You might be wondering, "why not just kill him now and get it over with?" but when I make a deal, I make a deal. You can't compromise on professionalism.

So, I descend on him, and we go at it for about eight minutes until he looks like he's having an asthma attack. I may not be a boat full of Russian supermodels, but I've got a couple thousand years of experience, and you don't make a living fucking and killing for that long without picking up a few choice techniques.

Once he blows his load, we're just sitting on his mattress, an island of white linen on a sea of rat-shit-covered concrete.

"You were pretty good, for what it's worth," I say, wishing I had a cigarette. "It's gonna be a shame to take you out of circulation. Speaking of, how do you want it done? I've not brought any tools so I was hoping you'd have your own, if that's what you're after."

"Manually is fine," he said. "It's more intimate that way."

"Oh, Tyler, you never told me you were a romantic."

I crawl on top of him and start reaching for his neck. This whole thing can end in one quick snap, and then I can leave, the money gets wired to my account, and the whole mess is over with.

Tyler seems nervous. I can't blame him.

"Bye bye, Tyler," I say. "It's been a pleasure."

"We're not done yet," he says.

Then the cold barrel of a gun is being pressed into the back of my head.

Tyler smiles.

"You cut it a little close there, boys," Tyler says, climbing to his feet and picking up his clothes.

"We were enjoying the show," says another voice from behind me.

And I'm just kneeling on this god damn mattress, with a gun to the back of my head, wondering what the fuck is going on.

Two-Face-Tyler is getting dressed again, and a skinny guy - mid-twenties, T-shirt and jeans, redhead - walks over to pass him a new pair of shoes. Some designer bullshit with an Italian name, most likely.

"Thanks, Al," Tyler says.

Al bows out, and I can tell from the smell and from the number of hearts beating that there are two more behind me. One bigger, with a strain to his heartbeat, and the other small, nervous. Heart bumping thirty to the dozen like he's just seen someone holding a toaster above his bathtub.

I've been expecting Tyler to pull some entitled, rich-kid bullshit since I saw the mattress. This whole cracker-ass shakedown is practically signposted, but I’m morbidly curious as to where it's gonna go, so I let them have their fun playing bad boys.

"Hey, hey, let's be reasonable here," I say. "What exactly is going on?"

Tyler, now wearing his douchebag uniform once more, comes strolling over to me, and leans down to meet my eyes directly.

"Thanks for the fuck," he says, grinning like a pervert in a middle school locker room. "But we're just getting started, honey. I wasn't lying when I said I'd done almost everything that money could buy - except one thing."

He reaches out and pats me on the shoulder.

"Don't you wanna die?" I ask him.

"The only one dying tonight is you."

We'll see.