#booting this tag up for the mid-Sept writing challenge

[indraste-darktalon]

Things That Don’t Belong on Paper 1

She may like writing letters, regardless of whether or not she sends them, but there are days when even Indy tries to keep things off the page.

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Indy was regretting unbraiding her hair. It was something she had to do sometimes, to wash it, or brush it out and keep it healthy, but now she was trying to sleep and it was fighting with the sheets. She stared up at the ceiling (weird) above her and shifted a leg, feeling the cloth of the bedding slide along her skin (also weird). And then under her left shoulder, a good chunk of hair got caught, because that was what her hair did when it was loose. She sat up and began coiling it around her hand, gathering it up to be restrained once again. Maybe if that felt normal, she’d be able to finally sleep. It was a nice lie, and she closed her eyes and lived it for a moment as she ran her nails through her hair, pulling it back, and began to braid it again. What had she been thinking, trying to sleep with all this loose? If not the shoulder, it would have gotten caught under her knees when she rolled over. So she braided, and tried not to let her mind wander.

It didn’t work.

I should have kissed her. The thought, which had been bouncing around in her mind ever since she’d said goodbye to Blix at the edge of the lake at Mt. Hyjal, surfaced again, and she bit her lip hard to try to banish it away. Instead, Indy’s mind flashed back to the moment when she had traced her thumb along Blix’s lip, and the way she’d flushed in response. That. That would have been a good moment.

Right? Because what a picnic. A perfect choice of venue (even though someday Indy was going to have to actually go back into town instead of just hover at the outskirts of her birthplace), and the food had been amazing. Indy had spent a decent amount of time trying to get the name “Toby” crammed into her head, so that if she ever met the chef, she’d remember to thank them for the wonderful food. She was going to have to go and seek out those recipes herself, at this rate, because the frustration of meeting a dish and not knowing how to replicate it was… new, in a way. But that’s what happened when you fucked off into the wilderness for over a decade and the world kept on turning without you.

I should have kissed her. When she’d run her thumb along Blix’s lower lip, the other woman had tilted her head to kiss her palm in return. And Night, that had felt so warm, and so lovely, even though she had been so uncertain of herself in that moment, because it was new.

It had been a long time since she had considered herself good with new situations.

But then again… maybe she should trust that her instincts to wait had been correct. Her fingers twisted and wrapped her hair, requiring very little active attention, as she continued her braid and stared off into the darkness of the bedroom. She hadn’t mentioned the March since coming back, and yet it had felt good to tell Blix a little bit about the people that she still missed, even after so long. There were other ways to be close besides simple physicality, which Indy hadn’t really let herself remember for a very long time. There were days when it was a curse to be known. Today, though... had not been one of those days.

What had Blix said? Something along the lines that “strangers are easy.” She was right, that in a crowd of people Indy didn’t know, it was simple to invent someone to be for a night. That’s how she’d gotten through every work shift so far, despite the nervousness, and it had worked incredibly well.

Well. That, and booze. But that’s how she got through most things these days.

None of this changed the fact that Indy had still really, really wanted to kiss Blix. But there would be time for that, right? And considering that neither of them had quite been ready for the meddling cat druid that called them out on their mutual attraction, it was probably good to have waited. They both had lost someone important, and no matter how nice a kiss would be, timing really was everything. She might not be the caliber of healer she used to, but she still remembered that much.

Indy tied off her braid, fell back against the bed, and then spent a moment vindictively kicking the sheets away. The noise made Asha, asleep on a tree she’d potted nearby, hum crankily and turn away, and Indy stifled a laugh for the sake of her friend.

“All right, all right. I’ll go to bed.”

And she did, though she had to turn into a cat and circle up against the pillow to make the bed feel right enough to sleep in. She was going to have to clean feathers off the sheets in the morning, but… at least this way she would sleep. And it was getting easier to be inside, slowly, as the weeks passed on. Indy still preferred camping, but… she was going to have to come back to being a person someday. And at this rate, it seemed like it would be happening sooner, rather than later.

**** 2 ****

Indy lay in bed again, staring up at the roof as always, sheets already kicked to the end of the bed. It was very clear to her that thanks to the drink she’d had Caythaes make for her at the Menagerie, that she was never going to sleep again. Which left her in the company of a drowsy Dragonkin, and her thoughts, both of which were slightly cranky. The windows were open; it was raining, and the air smelled delicious and felt perfect against her skin. She was happy with the window, and annoyed by the ceiling above her. It had no new answers. And it wasn't going to, no matter how hard she stared.

I should have kissed her.

"No, idiot. You wanted to. Get it right." And of course she did. Blix was lovely, and funny, and easy to be around. Indy pushed her braid over her shoulder and curled around her pillow. In a way, it was a marvel that she was this worked up about a kiss. As telling as it was to admit to herself, though, if she liked Blix less, she wouldn’t be nervous at all, so at least it was an excellent sign. Slightly pathetic, but excellent!

It had been a good day, even without a kiss. She’d had chocolate for the first time in a couple of decades, bought makeup (absolutely baffling), and gotten to introduce Blix to people she liked, as well as seeing her coworkers outside of work. The meddling druid had not been a welcome addition to the night that Blix had needed healing, but the club’s photographer joining them tonight had been excellent. Celeste was one of Indy’s favorite coworkers. She liked them all, but Celeste had yet to make her so nervous that feathers appeared in her hair.

And, Indy had barely had any problems being in the crowd, for the entire evening.

She opened her eyes and looked sideways to the end table, where a mirror now sat. That was going to be interesting to get used to. Indy liked writing letters. But being able to speak directly meant that if Blix needed healing again, it was far more likely that she’d get the message quickly. Which meant less suffering. It had been sheer luck that Indy had been near a mailbox for the last injury.

Of course, it also meant that she could activate it and ask her if she wanted to meet up again. Whenever she wanted, even. Not right now, because with any luck Blix was asleep. But it was an option now. After all, it would be rude to not use such a wonderful gift.

Indy closed her eyes again and let one ear perk toward the sounds of rain coming in from the window, willing it to lull her. She’d test the mirror out tomorrow. Ask if Blix had found anything extra in her shopping bag, to see if her present had been received. (At least that, she wasn’t nervous about; enchanted flasks were a specialty of hers at this point.) That, and maybe invite her out somewhere Indy would be comfortable encouraging a bit of snuggling. Maybe no kiss just yet, but that didn’t change the fact that Blix gave excellent hugs. 

And, well. Indy didn’t have to be a healer to know that she was incredibly touch-starved after so long alone. Her family, back when they were all together, had relayed affection through squeezes, hugs, and the like, and she’d brought that out into the world with her when she’d been recruited. Surely it was still in there, somewhere. Andy didn’t even remember their upbringing, and he still thrived on touch. Some things were the core of a person, no matter what else changed around them. And if that were the case, there was hope for her yet.

Asha, ever the emotion sponge, began humming softly from her tree in the corner, and soon Indy felt sleep finally creeping in.