#bone stuff sounds so much more scary than soft tissue

[rata-novus]

FINALLY had an mri on my right wrist today, previous ortho pa thought it was tendonitis but then the pain came back BAD (i swear if someone ran over my hand with a car it wouldn’t hurt more - burning, throbbing, could barely lift my fingers and still can barely move my wrist both for pain and a frozen feeling like i physically can’t). two weeks to meet with an actual ortho specialist surgeon to go over the results and apparently i also have bone marrow edema in three bones including the lunate. i’m trying not to worry about it, but most of what ive read of others experiences (kienbock’s disease) it seems gnarly. :|

[silkyomega]

Felix story third installment:

Felix knew that his body was going to change. It came part and parcel with the whole pregnancy deal, but he honestly hadn't expected it to change quite so fast or quite so drastically. 

In less than two weeks since he had found out he was pregnant, his stomach was already starting to round out. Not enough for anyone to really notice except himself or someone who knew him very well but just enough for him to catch in the mirror and sigh. 

Felix had always been thin and gangly, ever since he was a kid. His stomach had been almost concave between his hip bones for most of his life but now, much to his chagrin, there was the hint of a bump there, softening him up like fresh dough and it was only going to get bigger. 

It was hard to tell if it was from the baby or a bloat from just how sick he had been. The past week had been nightmarish with morning sickness. He was exhausted and nauseous beyond anything he had ever felt before. 

When he dared stand up, he was immediately floored with a wave of dizziness and sickness that sent him lurching to the bathroom to lose whatever water and toast he had managed to eat prior.

It was well and truly miserable. 

 "Please put me out of my misery" Felix huffed. The sweat glistening on his forehead as he emerged from the bathroom for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. 

"Has it really been that bad?"

"Worse than bad. How can people do this more than once? I've been sick 4 times today and it's not even noon" Felix flopped onto the sofa, slapping a wet towel over his face and groaning into it like a dying whale. 

"I don't know why people call it morning sickness when it's morning noon and night sickness. I swear dying would be less awful"

"Yikes. Well, at least you have your first scan this evening? That's something to look forward to? And the doctor can probably give you something for the nausea."

"Hopefully a shotgun." Felix managed to make a joke...even if laughing hurt his ribs at that very moment

"Seriously though, I need to know if this is normal. I can't take much more time out of the studio.."

Lucy hushed him immediately. 

"Don't you worry about that. I've gotten it all under control! Clients have been informed of the reschedules and they were all okay with it given the circumstances"

"Oh god...you didn't tell them do you?" Felix groaned. He was dreading the inevitable flurry of questions he was bound to get from people once the word got out.

It made his insides cringe just thinking about it. Having to explain over and over again how it was just going to be him, no there wasn't an alpha in the picture, yes, he was keeping it, no he didn't need any help…

What was worse is that he could picture every interaction and automatically know what everyone was going to say. They were going to see him as some poor unfortunate omega and whisper behind his back about how he didn't have an alpha and how he was some floozy that got into trouble.

What stung most was felix knew that they would be right..

"No, I didn't tell them the reason, I just said that you would be out for a while as you were feeling sick. Mrs Fletcher on the other hand, guessed that shit immediately. I swear that woman is some kind of witch" Lucy laughed. 

Mrs Fletcher was a regular client of their since they first set up the studio. Once a month, she would bring her Corgis, Taffy and Lola in for a photoshoot. She was an eccentric old lady but she was always lovely to deal with a paid very well for their services. 

Now that Lucy mentioned it, the last time she was in a few days before Felix found out he was pregnant, she was giving him a weird look. 

Maybe she could smell it off him, she was another omega after all and some omegas are better able to smell the little changes in pheromones better than others

"She sends her well wishes and offered to bring you soup"

"That's a lovely gesture…" Felix grimaced "But please don't mention food…"

--

Mercifully, Lucy tagged along with him to the doctors appointment. He could feel knots of nervousness in his stomach about it, it was a solid confirmation that this whole thing was really happening and it sent Felix's blood pressure through the roof. 

As hard as it had been, He hadn't smoked a single cigarette since he found out he was expecting, but he desperately wanted one sitting in the waiting room now. He could have taken someone's hand clean off if they had offered him one but he had to resist. 

He bounced his knee and folding his arms tight across himself, chewing some gum and tryed to focus on anything else than the upcoming discomfort. 

It was a natural part for any omega to have internal check ups, but Felix always hated them and shuddered to think how many he was going to have to be subjected to throughout the remainder of his pregnancy. Having strangers poking and prodding his bits were not high in his list of favorite things... despite the obvious irony of exactly that landing him in this situation in the first place.  

There were a few other expectant parents in the waiting room with them. they all looked so happy with their partners, excited and hopeful about their little bundles of joy on the way...it made Felix's heart pang until Lucy touched his hand.

"You okay?" Lucy asked concerned, her eyebrows furrowed. Felix had obviously been pulling one of his overthinking faces.

Felix nodded weakly "yeah. I just feel a bit...ya know. It's a bit awkward being here"

"Try to focus on the good stuff. You'll get to see the baby for the first time, that's gotta be exciting? Right?" Lucy was really trying her best and Felix was thankful for her efforts but he doubted anything would have made him relax. 

It wasn't that Felix wasn't feeling excited, it was that he was terrified. Everything was happening so fast and so much and he had no idea if he was ready for this...The doctor had confirmed the pregnancy before but seeing it with his own two eyes, hearing it's heartbeat... was going to be a whole different ball game. 

He nearly leaped out of his skin when his name was finally called to go in.

---

The internal exam was every bit as unpleasant as Felix had expected it to be but a necessary evil considering. 

The doctor had weighed him, measured him, took his blood pressure and a urine sample before finally ushering Felix onto the examination table to start the scan. 

"Pop up on there and roll up your jumper" the doctor chirped, slapping his latex gloves. 

Felix blushed a little as he did. He really wasn't used to being so soft around the middle. Even if it was because of the baby, it didn't stop him feeling self conscious. He didn't dare think of how he was going to feel even further down the line…

"Okay, so you say you convinced around 9 weeks ago?" The doctor asked while setting up the ultrasound machine. Clicking switching and adjusting the screen. 

"Yeah, it was umm...I hadn't been…"Felix blushed even harder having to talk about it out loud "I hadn't had any relations in the six months prior or since so it's a fairly definite time frame"

The doctor nodded and thankfully didn't press for any further information. "This is going to be a bit cold" the doctor gave very little warning before he poured the conduction gel over felix's stomach. He immediately flinched and hissed as it felt more like ice than gel.

"HOLY Mother of fuck that's cold" Felix gasped loudly, making the doctor chuckle.

"That reaction never gets old and I've been doing this for nearly 15 years!" The doctor smiled broadly and pressed the wand into the base of Felix's stomach and began to move it around to find the best position. 

"Let's have a look and see if we can get a good picture of baby"

After a few moment the whooshing sounds of the ultrasounds came through. It was fast and strong but almost sounded like it had an echo to it, where it sounded ever so slightly out of sync.

After a few hums and a few more movements of the wand, digging in a little uncomfortably, the doctor let out a little "ah"

Felix furrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Ah" was very rarely a good thing to hear from a doctor. "What's wrong?" Felix could feel his heart freeze in place

"Nothing's wrong per say" The doctor turned the screen towards him. 

"But I believe we have an explanation on why you've been having such strong morning sickness. Congratulations, you're having twins"

"Im sorry... what?" Felix surely misheard him. He had to be joking. Right? 

"You can see here" the doctor pointed to the screen "Two perfectly healthy teeny tiny dots. Usually you don't see twins this early but there they are. They'll be identical too by the looks of it. Both"

Felix felt like the floor had just dropped from under him. He couldn't breath and his whole body felt numb as a panic attack hit him in full force. There they were. Two specks of white on the screen, fluttering away without a care in the world while his world felt like it has just been tossed off a cliff. 

"Oh my God. Holy shit" Felix flopped back into the table and covered his face with shaky hands. Tears rolling down his face. This cannot be happening. 

"This must be a bit of a shock..." the doctor said softly at Felix's reaction. "Do you need a minute?" He handed him some tissues. 

"I..I...tell me you're joking. This has to be a mistake right? I can't.." Felix whimpered beneath his hands. 

"I'm afraid not... Is there a father in the picture? I noticed you don't have a bond mark.." the doctor asked kindly.

Felix shook his head

"No. It's just me…"

How could he possibly raise one baby, let alone twins all by himself… it was impossible.

---

"What are you gonna do?" Lucy asked once Felix had calmed down enough to tell her the news. He had come out of the scan looking like he had seen a ghost, his eyes all puffy and sore. The poor doctor looked just as bad, patting Felix on the back and handing him an envelope of scan pictures. 

"I...I don't know. I thought maybe I could handle one baby. It was scary but manageable. Like how hard could one baby be? People do that shit all the time. But twins? I can't even begin to think about it." Felix put his head in his hands, pulling at the roots of his hair. 

"How can I keep the studio going? How the fuck can I afford this? Where am i even going to find the space!? Have you seen my place?? It's tiny! It's barely big enough for me let alone twins" Felix was getting more and more upset as he spoke. 

"You need to calm down and take some deep breaths. It will be alright. You know I got you covered in the studio and we have some new clients coming in so money should be okay. I mean, you don't have to be rich to raise a kid well, you just gotta love them and be there for them, and I know you can do that" Lucy smiled the best she could and reassured him. 

"But twins?...Jesus Christ how am I even going to manage to carry twins! I'm a fucking twig." Felix curled into a ball, folding in on himself as the anxiety drowned him

"I mean...true. but you're an omega, we're literally built for baby making. It's going to be okay. I promise!. We can come up with a game plan and work through this" 

Felix wished he had even a fraction of Lucy's optimism. 

--

As Felix lay in bed that night the reality of the situation began to settle over him like a layer of dust after a storm. 

He held his hand over his faint little bump and started to cry. 

He was terrified out of his mind but there was something in his heart that told him that as scared as he was of the vast unknown that lay before him, he knew that deep down he already loved the tiny dots inside beyond all logical explanation. 

It didn't seem real before but the memory of the little specks of life inside him on the screen just...clicked. like a piece of his heart had finally slid into place once the panic had ebbed away. 

Even if he was alone...he was going to have them and that was all that mattered.