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gaerli · 5 years ago

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Overthinking and Worrying

[Hawks x GN!Reader]

--SPOILER WARNING--

[Hawks is concerned because Y/N isn't sleeping--]

It has been a while since Hawks stayed up late, as he always sleeps after 2-3 hours after arriving home, leaving you awake by yourself. You didn’t complain honestly, you loved seeing your fiancé sleeping peacefully curling up to you and you especially loved how he has this childish smile of comfort and safety while sleeping when you pet his head gently.

While the winged hero could sleep peacefully, you on the other hand had a hard time catching sleep, and this problem has been occurring for a while, however you did not want to worry him so you kept it to yourself. After all, this isn't the first time you go through this problem before. But how come you cannot sleep? Anxiety and the stress of everything weights on your shoulder during the nights. Overthinking and worrying very much for your fiancé takes its’ toll on you, leaving you with so much adrenaline of stress to be able to catch sleep. And how the media (and even villains) keeps an eye on you and Hawks isn’t helping your case either…however you were able to get a bit of sleep and the sleep deprivation wasn’t very visible on you…

This has been going on for a while, however after recent events and after Hawks told you about what the commission have been planning as he trusts you enough to tell you as he knows you would never utter a single word or be suspicious when someone asks about Hawks, though, let’s say this alone have kept you up at night. You can’t fantom the idea of how in the living heck does the hero commission throw your fiancé out in such a dangerous mission without a second thought. This lack of sleep problem of yours has gotten worse after the war incident and Hawks gotten badly hurt to the point of almost losing his wings and life in the process.

Obviously the first weeks after Hawks was granted a long long hiatus from hero work to focus on his health was hard on both him and you. He kept waking up in cold sweat, tears and panic in his eyes and out of breath as he kept having nightmares of the fight with Dabi. When you asked him about what exactly went down, he couldn’t bring himself to say it which you respected and told him to tell you when he is ready. You kept being awake the first weeks for his sake, rarely caught sleep as not only your anxiety for his wellbeing is crash up the roof, but also you want to be ready whenever he was about to wake up in panic. This made your sleep deprivation even worse but you made sure to hide it as you wanted him and his wellbeing to be your priority #1.

After few weeks has passed, he has gotten better and he got the help he needed in order to deal with this borderline traumatizing event he went through and you were with him throughout the whole ordeal (he thanked whatever up there to have blessed him with someone like you in his life). However you on the other hand haven’t been able to get any sleep or any rest. And after a while it was nearly impossible to hide the sleep deprivation anymore as it was visible on you. Not to mention the fact that after Hawks managed to calm down from everything he did notice off stuff about you…

…he noticed that you barely have energy to continue with the day but keep pushing yourself as well as he is the first to sleep and last to wake up which proves his theory that you’re not sleeping.

He is concerned because you’re sleeping at all.

Hawks decided to confront you about this as now he is worried about your wellbeing. So while you two were cuddling in the couch, with him laying on your lap while you leaned against the couch cushion, he decided to ask you—

”Dove?”

”Mm?”

”When was the last time you’ve gotten a full 8 hour sleep?”

”…uh”

That question of his caught you off guard. How come he asks about your sleeping habit. This low-key made you nervous as you did not want to worry him with your problems-

”Ahah oh— w-w-well you see honey…I do get enough sle—”

”Don’t lie to me (Y/N), I know you well enough that when you begin to talk like this means you’re hiding something” he replied as he sat up and turned to around to face you, his face expression says it all. He is very concerned

”(Y/N)…dove…talk to me”

For some reason, the way he gently said that and the way he held your hands in his, looking into your eyes with love and care made you breakdown and cry which made the winged hero not hesitate to pull you into his embrace and hold you close.

”I’m sorry dove…I can guess partly on the reason for the lack of sleep…” he said in a low voice, feeling guilty over the fact he made the love of his life this worry to the point of lack of sleep

”N-No honey, it i-isn’t only because of what happened to you” you managed to say, clutching to his shirt. After that you two didn’t say anything. Just you quietly sobbing onto Hawks chest while he held you close, not bothering hiding the pain he felt for seeing you in such state.

After a bit, you managed to calm down and Hawks handed you napkins to blow your nose while brushed away your tears.

”…during the night…I have a bad habit of overthinking and worrying to the point I can’t sleep” you said while looking down, feeling a bit embarrassed about talking about this as this is the first time in a long time that you actually talk about the sleeping problem.

”How come I did not know about this?” ”Because…I didn’t want to bother you Kei…”

His expression softened and he smiled gently, caressing your cheek affectionately.

”Dove…you would never bother me…I love you and I want to be by your side the same way you are by my side” Hawks said as he leaned to capture your lips in a gentle kiss, which you gladly returned.

”…Kei…I love you”

”I love you too (Y/N)…but we gotta find a way to help you get more sleep”

”B-But how?” You asked, genuinely not knowing how. Hawks thought for a bit until he thought of an idea

”I think I know how… you said you cannot sleep because of anxiety and worrying right?”

”And overthinking…s-sometimes” you said while looking aside a bit flustered

”Overthinking, right. So I wanna know, what exactly are you worrying and overthinking about to the point of not sleeping- is it nightmares?”

”N-no!! I barely get these nowadays b-but” you looked down, a bit too shy to say it out loud, but at this point, Hawks is your fiancé, you two should tell each other everything, including insecurities ’He gotta know…he needs to know…’ you took a deep breath, looking up at Hawks who was waiting for your answer attentively-

”I…feel like I am a huge burden to you…I see what the media is saying about our relationship and I know the villains are still after not only you but me- d-don’t get me wrong I don’t care most of the time!!—” You tried to explain yourself, but then looked down and continued ”—…but…I feel like I am an extra burden to you, I feel like I’m holding you back…I feel like the media and the villains are always keeping an extra eye on you because of me as they think I am your weakpo—”

”You’re my weakpoint, as in I would do anything to keep you safe and alive!”

”R-Right. B-but yeah anyways” you continued ”I feel like I am holding you back and that I am an extra baggage that you need to deal with as the same time as you deal with your own shit” you sighed, taking a deep breath.

”Not to mention…how much I worry for your well being and how much the hero commission is pushing you beyond your limits and to the extreme…” you looked up at him with worry in your eyes ”Keigo I am worried about you and about your reputation”

Hawks was silent for a moment, taking in everything. He understands it all now.

”I see…(Y/N) I am so sorry I caus—” ”N-No Kei honey it is not your fault!!” You quickly reassured him to which he smiled gently to.

”I love you (Y/N) and I want you to know that you are never holding me back, you are never bothering me and I don’t give two shits about reputation or what the stupid hero commission wants from me. I am so sorry that I keep worry you tho, you don’t deserve to be sleep deprived over me but just you know—” he leaned close so that his forehead touches yours, smiling at you with love and affection in his eyes

”—that I love you. So much dove, the fact that you worry for me means that you care about me and…just thank you, for everything”

You looked at him with a gentle smile yourself and chuckled a bit.

”No need to thank me sweetheart. You are my everything”

He leaned to give you a kiss on the lips, filled with love and affection, a kiss worth thousands of words of love.

”Tonight (Y/N)…it is all about you” he said after you two pulled away from the kiss. ”Tonight…let me take care of you”

You smiled, a bit doozy after the kiss. You did not complain or protest against it. After all— when Hawks is being the big spoon and in charge, he knows how to make you feel comfortable and loved, safe and protected, tucked away from the cruel world in the bubble of love.

”Alright…” you said as Hawks stood up, carrying you bridal style up to your shared bedroom—

As you two are laying on the bed, with you laying on Hawks’ chest, his heart-beatings calms you down a lot, however before those thoughts even had the time to creep up into your head, Hawks began softly speak reassuring and loved filled words while gently running his fingers from your neck down to your back before caressing your head.

”I’ve got you (Y/N)…I’ve got you” he managed to say which made you smile. Oh how lucky you are to have someone as loving as him in your life. However as soon as he began speak about how you two’s future will be after marrying and after creating the family you both want with each other and how much he is looking forward spending the rest of his life with you, you felt a feeling of happiness and joy within your heart. You’ve forgotten to even think of how you both will have your future with each other because of the negative overthinking. This felt so nice to hear and you even imagined how your and Hawks’ kids will look like and how the wedding will be.

Not gonna lie, this lulled you to sleep slowly and surely. You yawned a bit before snuggling closer into his chest with a dorky smile on your face.

”Thank you Kei…I love you”

And soon, you found yourself drifting to sleep and not long after staring to snore a bit. When Hawks heard you snore a bit (which he adores by the way), a smile plastered on his face and leaned to kiss your head adjusting himself before cuddling you close and drifting to sleep himself.

”Good night dove…the love of my life”

To say you two had the best sleep that night is an understatement and for the first time in so long, you slept properly and long enough as well as—

—this was the best sleep you’ve ever had and it is all thanks to your birdman fiancé.

AUTHOR NOTE: Hello!! This is my part of the collab with my friends at BNHA Sanctuary (btw, I love you all so much over there, dope ass people 100/10 I would forever protect).

I also wanna apologize if Hawks is a bit OOC and I wanna apologize for my English and grammar errors as well as the inability to properly express the fic properly, English is not my first or second language and I am still learning it ahaha. *Sweats in Swedish*

Anyways! Reader is gender-neutral here and I’m gonna try to be as inclusive as I can be. I based the events in this fic loosely on the manga and on what I went through back when I had a very bad case of insomnia, ahaha enjoy!!

P.S-- please don’t hesitate to tell me how to improve as I am still working on being a better writer. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS ACCEPTED AND ENCOURAGED IN ORDER FOR ME TO PROVIDE BETTER CONTENT AND FICS FOR YOU GUYS!!

#bnhasanctuarycollab #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami #hawks #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x reader #reader insert #takami keigo x reader #quenixy talks #scenarios #bnha keigo #mha keigo #bnha keigo takami #bnha hawks #mha keigo takami #reader scenario #mha x reader

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sipsteainanxiety · 4 years ago

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christmas (baby please come home) || katsuki b.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.4k+

mentions: gender neutral pronouns, angst (i’m sorry LOL), fluff’s still there tho, pro-hero au, ooc? maybe

a/n: merry (early) christmas! this is a collab piece from the bnha sanctuary discord server :)) a list of all the participants can be found here! hope u enjoy and thanks for reading <33

✧˖° you should be here with me, baby please come home

The life of a pro-hero was a busy one - everyone knew that. Crime waited for no one, incidents popping up all over Japan one after the other with hardly a moment of reprieve. Villains especially liked to cause trouble around holiday times - for what reason, you didn’t know. But it meant Katsuki was out of the house more often than usual. You knew he liked to take on as many missions as possible, burdening himself with job after job after job. You think he just wanted to show that he was better than his coworkers - namely poor Midoriya and Todoroki - but you also knew he simply liked being out and about on his feet.

It should have came as a surprise to you when he told you he was leaving on a month-long mission. But it didn’t, not really. You’d long ago become accustomed to the feeling of disappointment around this time of the year.

“Babe, it’s just for a month, I’ll be back before y’know it,” he told you as he collected some of the empty dishes on the kitchen table. He had cooked dinner tonight - your favorite meal - and you almost thought it was so he could break the unpleasant news to you. You sighed as you gathered the rest of the plates and made your way to the sink to start washing them.

“I know, I know. You have to do what you have to do,” you murmured out as you set the silverware down and turned on the faucet. A jet of cold water crashed onto your hands as you picked up one of the plates and rinsed it out. A sinking feeling seemed to curl itself inside your chest, unwelcome yet familiar. “It’s okay. Will you be back before Christmas at least?”

“Who knows. I can’t tell you details about it, but we’ve been tracking these bastards for months.” He came up behind you to set the remaining dishes into the sink. You could feel him hovering just behind you, his chest nearly pressed up against your back. You tried not to react too much, focusing your attention on the frigidity of the water and the soap that you lathered onto your little sponge. He knew just how much of an effect he had on you, though, and the way he bent his head down to rest in the crook of your neck had you fighting to suppress a shiver.

He whispered your name against your skin, hot breath causing goosebumps to erupt along the exposed part of your shoulders. You huffed and abruptly shut the faucet off, wiping your hands on your shirt before you turned around to fix him with a half-hearted glare. He had a crooked smirk on his face, his hands finding their way comfortably to your hips as you crossed your arms against your chest. He liked teasing you like this, you knew that.

“I know you can’t ignore your job, but,” you slumped your shoulders a bit and uncrossed your arms, “around Christmas again? Really?”

He rolled his eyes, fingers fiddling with the edge of your shirt. He knew it made you sad when he was gone around this time. “It’s not like I can just fucking say no.”

“Well I know that,” you retorted. Part of you had already given up, knowing that whatever you said wouldn’t make him stay. You were fighting a losing battle anyways. You had resigned yourself to moments like this when you’d agreed to date the hot-headed bastard.

He bent down further, blond hair tickling your forehead as he tried to catch your eye. You sighed again, turning your head to meet the crimson color of his irises. You looped your arms around his neck, one of your hands burying itself into the soft spikes of his hair, fiddling with the strands in a way you knew he adored.

“When do you leave?” you breathed out against the softness of his lips that’d dipped down close - but not too close - to your own. His hands trailed up to the small of your back, warmth seeping through your clothes and onto your skin.

“Tomorrow morning,” he grunted out, his breath fanning out across your cheeks. You wanted to jump back in surprise, widen your eyes and exclaim in shock that it was so soon. But you expected this. Repetition over the past years caused you to fall into a state of expectancy towards his tendency to tell you these sort of things on such a short notice. You just hummed, letting him spoil you with a few fluttering kisses pressed gently against your lips; his way of apologizing for his absence.

And the next morning, you woke up to find yourself alone in your bed, the sheets on his designated side unnaturally cold.

You, unfortunately, were used to the state of quietude that always lingered around your shared apartment. The cold temperatures that permeated the air and made you feel smaller than usual. Eating dinner in front of the T.V. instead of at the kitchen table, staring warmly at his form seated across from you. Sometimes you thought this apartment was too big for just the two of you, but this was only emphasized on days when you were alone.

You missed him at times like these. But you were not selfish enough to claw your hands around him and trap him at home when you knew he would be making a difference out in the world, fighting villains. You only wished his missions would stop falling so close to the holidays. There was nothing wrong with him working, but couldn’t he try to plan these sorts of things earlier? Or even later?

You dismissed your feelings, not wanting to be pesky. Annoying. You were fine, you kept telling yourself. You could handle solitude.

Day after day, night after night, you roamed around trying to ignore the feelings of absence that plagued you. You buried yourself in your own work, setting time aside to occasionally call Katsuki to check up on him. He didn’t always answer. You expected that. Your calls also didn’t always connect. You tried not to bother him too often, but it was hard, it was hard. You craved his presence, his warm touch on your skin, but you knew you just had to suck it up. Again and again, year after year. It was nothing new.

November turned to December, and with it brought twinkling lights that adorned the outside trees and stop signs. You liked to walk around at night to see the decorations that covered the homes of families. It gave you a feeling of longing, watching kids play around in the front yard of their homes, building snowmen or helping their parents set up plastic reindeer. The cheerful atmosphere was nice and it lifted your mood a bit to be among people who were clearly enjoying the Christmas spirit.

This was so heavily juxtaposed by the emptiness that greeted you when you returned home. The darkness that you attempted to chase away by hanging fairy lights along the walls. You dragged out the small Christmas tree from storage that you and Katsuki had purchased a while back. You reminisced about the first and last time you had set up the tree together - before his work became too overbearing - as you mechanically hung up ornaments that reflected your wistful expression back to you.

By the time you finished setting up the tree, you were covered in glitter and small bits of shiny plastic. You stood in front of it as your eyes glistened with all the colors and lights that stood out against the artificial leaves. You could almost feel Katsuki’s arm wrapped around your waist as he stood next to you to admire the fruits of your labor.

“Ours is definitely better than fucking Deku’s,” he had said on that first Christmas. “We make a great team, babe.”

You turned away from the tree, shooing away the memory as you grabbed some wreathes and stockings to decorate the door and walls with. You were being emotional for no reason, you chided yourself silently. It wasn’t like he was gone forever.

Your marathon of solitude was interrupted during the week of Christmas by a knock on your door. You had been browsing through recipes on your phone as you attempted to figure out what to make for dinner. Tossing your phone onto the couch, you made your way to the door to see who it was.

“Hey [Name]!” The smiling face of Kirishima greeted you once you opened the door. “Hope you don’t mind the intrusion. We brought some food!” Ashido popped up behind him, waving around a few bags of takeout.

“Hey guys.” You blinked in confusion at their appearance, yet stepped aside to let them into your apartment. “What... brings you here?”

“Just wanted to see how you’re doing!” Ashido said with a grin as she slipped off her shoes. Kirishima let out a happy sigh at the warmth that encompassed his cold form as he walked into your apartment.

“Wow! Did you decorate yourself?” Kirishima asked as he marveled at the lights and decorations that adorned the walls. Ashido headed straight for the kitchen table to start unpacking the food.

“Yeah,” you shrugged your shoulders in what you hoped was a nonchalant manner, “kept me busy for a bit.”

“It looks great!” Kirishima smiled at you, then waved you over to the table. “C’mon, lets eat before the food gets too cold.”

It was odd, you thought, as you settled down at the table and started passing around containers to fill up plates. Odd, but not unwelcome. You hadn’t realized just how deep your longing for physical contact had ran until this very moment. You felt a bit lighter being around Ashido and Kirishima, their presence enough to chase away the ghosts that had lingered around your apartment. They chatted about this and that, asking you how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to. You noticed that they weren’t in their hero uniforms, instead nestled comfortably in regular clothing. You pondered upon the possibility of asking them just why they had decided to show up out of the blue. But luckily for you, Ashido explained soon enough.

“Don’t tell him we told you, but Bakugou had asked us to check up on you,” Ashido said with a smile and a wink as she scraped up the last few bites from her bowl. “King Explosion Murder has a heart, who knew!”

“Yeah, sorry we didn’t come as often as we’d liked,” Kirishima said with an apologetic tone. He scratched the back of his head. “Work has been extra rough with Bakugou and Midoriya out on that mission.”

You waved off his worries, part of you feeling a bit warmer at their words. “Don’t fret about it, I get it! I’m glad you decided to pop in for a bit, I appreciate it.”

They stayed for a bit longer, discussing plans for the New Year as Kaminari was apparently thinking about having a little get together at his place. You enjoyed chatting with them for the time being, but eventually they had to leave, promising to come visit you again soon. You waved to them as they disappeared down the hall of your apartment complex, then turned back to look at your empty living room once more.

It had been nice, but in the end it had just been a temporary reprieve.

Christmas Eve soon arrived and you found yourself sitting in the dark, watching cheesy holiday movies by yourself. You hadn’t bothered turning on the lights you had set up, not finding the will to. Outside, snow had begun to gently fall, covering the streets in a powdery layer of white. You clutched at a mug of hot chocolate in your cold hands, sipping from it now and then.

Katsuki’s parents had popped in earlier to drop off some presents for the two of you. Mitsuki was less than pleased at her son’s absence, but she could only offer you a hug and a promise to slap some sense into her brat for you. They knew it was hard being a pro-hero, however, so there wasn’t much they could really do. While you’d enjoyed talking with them for a bit, their departure only seemed to leave behind an even bigger hole in your heart.

As the clock struck midnight, you finally decided to head to bed. Turning the T.V. off, you uncurled yourself from the couch and headed to the bathroom for your nightly routine. You were tired, but that was nothing compared to the aching you felt in your chest. Was it selfish of you to wish that he was home? Probably. You always found yourself saying that it would be different next year, that you would be able to spend time with him on New Year’s Eve. But this annual routine never did change, and you unwillingly grew more and more complacent with the entire situation. There was just something about spending time with those you love on Christmas that you couldn’t replace, no matter what.

Letting out a long sigh, you flopped onto your too-large bed, wrapping yourself in the blankets upon it. You glanced at Katsuki’s empty side of the bed, untouched for so long. You hadn’t dared to sleep on it. Turning on your side, you faced the wall and curled into a ball, hoping to slip away into a slumber that would hold you captive for a few days.

At some point in the night, just before the rays of the sun peeked through the curtains of the bedroom window, you found yourself awake. For what reason, you didn’t know, but there was an odd warmth wrapped around your waist. If you listened hard enough, you could hear gentle breathing that wasn’t your own, feel small gusts of air against the nape of your neck.

Slowly, so slowly, you turned around, blinking through the darkness of the room lightened up only slightly by moon. The sleeping face of Katsuki greeted you, his head tucked close to your own - enough that his hair tickled your cheeks. His arm held you close to him, legs messily tangled together. You watched him carefully, eyes observing the mess that was his hair and the dark circles that lined the bottom of his eyes.

Your hand came up to rest on his face, thumb softly smoothing the skin of his cheek. He stirred a bit, but didn’t wake up, exhaustion clearly settled deeply into his bones. He clutched onto you just a bit tighter than before, and you found that all the loneliness and wistful sadness that had wrapped around your heart over the past month melted away with ease.

With a small smile tugging at your lips, you tucked your head under his chin, wrapping your own arms tightly around him. As though if your grip were any looser, he would slip right through them.

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