#blvckmcmxci

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

So, I have a strange confession: sometimes, when I'm in the dark place, I read sappy fan fictions. For no reason at all, I barreled my way through The Length and Breath [...] within the past 3 days. I found it on accident, I wasnt really even looking for itbut there it was and it was beautiful. Your command of the harsh, intangible trials of mental illness touched me in a way I can't really articulate. So. Thanks. It was amazing and your knack for prose and character development was perfection.

This is the greatest compliment I could ever receive. 

I’ve had mental health issues since I was a kid, and all the books my parents and therapists handed me were very pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, advice just a hair less offensive than “uwu have u tried not being depressed lol”. The first book I ever found that was actually useful was Ellen Emerson White’s The Road Home, which followed an Army nurse’s journey home from Vietnam. (It’s out of print now, but if it’s not at your local used bookstore, it’s available on Amazon.) It never mentioned the word PTSD, but that’s what it was, and it was the first time I’d found something that explored the reality of how sometimes, things really really really suck, and no one can help, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do except put your head down and muscle through it. I found that book junior year of high school, and it fucking saved me. 

Happy things are good, and we all need fluff, but I’ve found it rare that someone acknowledges that dark places exist without glorifying or romanticizing them. I didn’t set out to do that with L&B, but that’s what happened, and it’s as true to my own experience as I could make it. I’m so fucking grateful it rings true for you.  

As someone who’s also very familiar with dark places - I get it. Hang in there. I don’t know how old you are, but I turned thirty earlier this year, and what I’ve learned is this: this shit ebbs and flows. It fucking sucks, but it is what it is. Do what you gotta do to get through it. 

In solidarity, 

Squid