#bluh. grief truly is nonlinear and messy
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Processing some JRH shit in the tags, heads up
#haywood ment#tw jrh#tw ryan haywood#I know everyone’s like ‘wow isn’t it nice that there’s no one running around causing chaos in stoneblock?’#‘isn’t it nice no one’s ruining things’#but damn i really miss his specific brand of chaos :/ I know the other members are chaotic in their own way and I do love it!!#but in some ways it just doesn’t compare. there’s no one with the same combo of like technological know how and chaotic tendencies#I love stoneblock it’s funny as fuck but there have been soooo many moments where it’s felt. just. too calm#there’s a set of dynamics missing that I hadn’t realized I enjoyed this much until they were gone#like idk I know how chaos was indicative of his ego. but that’s not a bad thing in and of itself?#feels like people are saying ‘the chaos sucked the whole time we were just too blind to see it’ to make themselves feel better. to avoid-#-confronting their complicated feelings over him being gone bc they used to like his ego before they found out he was a predator#bluh. grief truly is nonlinear and messy#parasocial relationships are a nightmare and yet I’m not willing to give the rest up
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