#bless i hope i didnt butcher the ending gaaaaah :<

[haipain]

oomf hI can i ask for a scenario wherein im stargazing with akaashi (if u dont know akaashi jic make it uhh todoroki) but it figures that im actually just imagining it all in my head, and once i snap back to reality, i'm stargazing alone? u kno who i am dont expose my blog HAHAHA ilyy

thanks for requesting nia!! i hope you enjoy hehe 💓 oomf i hope i didn’t disappoint with this waaaa

It was a nightly routine, somewhat of a ritual now. Stargazing with Akaashi had always brought your mind to a rest, the thoughts that constantly wreaked havoc in your head seemed to bow down before him, disappearing like the fleeting moments of happiness that had made themselves known to you once in a blue moon.

Sadness wasn’t a thing unfamiliar to you now, neither was fatigue. It had gotten to the point where the concept of unhappiness is so ingrained in your mind, that it wasn’t really out of the ordinary to feel as though there was a heavy cloud weighing down on your heart. What was unusual would be the brief moments of peace and elation that pops by every so often — moments that you had a distaste for. To others, they may be a respite, but to you, they were untrustworthy, never lasting, only serving to drag you further down the pits of melancholy. With Akaashi however… he had the power to slip in more moments of happiness and calmness, overriding the tides of constant sadness in you.

With a gentle brush of his fingers over your knuckles, Akaashi plants featherlike kisses on them, a warm smile playing on his lips. He laces his fingers with yours, the mild pressure on your palm reminding you that he was still there, comforting and reassuring.

You had multiple dreams of this being unreal — time and time again, because your mind just couldn’t comprehend how lucky you were to stumble upon a gem like him, much less have him return your feelings. But you were fairly certain that this time, it was very much real.

It was a game of probability and chance, and the odds had turned in your favour. There weren’t many things you were satisfied with in life, as all humans were, but the one thing you wouldn’t ask to be taken away from you was this boy right beside you.

You’ve known Akaashi for at least a year or two now, and yet what never ceases to surprise you is the discovery of fresh details about him you wouldn’t have otherwise known, without growing closer to him. Right here, right now, you could feel every single detail and you were committing them to memory as you go. The rough exterior of his skin, small scratches from volleyball that stick out just a little… The smell of him, freshly showered and ready for bed, the calm look of love that made your heart flutter just that tiny bit… Pray tell, this could never be a dream.

Yet, for quite some time now, you had realised that there was nothing new to discover about him. His scratches remained the same, strangely, never healing, and the way he looked was as though he was frozen in time — even the tiniest of detail remained the same. Something was off, but you didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t a big deal to you, because, after all, he was still the same Akaashi you know and love. Nothing else would matter if it meant he was there with you, and he is, in this space, and in this time. 

“Look,” he says, nudging a finger up into the sky. Stargazing was what you were here for, but you weren’t as interested in the act when you were with him. How could you be, when all the stars were in his eyes? 

“Hmm?” 

“That’s Rigel, one of the brightest stars, a supergiant star, in fact,” he mumbles with slight confidence in his knowledge, thumb moving to trace your knuckles in a circular motion. Akaashi himself was not really a fan of stargazing, in fact, the reason why this ritual even came about was due to your insistence. So it definitely came as a pleasant surprise that he knew small tidbits of information. 

“That’s right,” you nod, a soft smile appearing on your face. 

“It’s a little like you, you’re rather bright too,” he states, tearing his gaze away from the star to look at you. 

The familiar warm tingle spreads on your face, and Akaashi’s eyes widens, swiftly angling his face away, body twisting to face the other way.

It wasn’t something hard to pick up on, but it wasn’t easy either. His usual calm facade cracks, a mild blush dancing across his cheeks. It is then you realised — oh no, he probably, no, definitely did some research on the galaxy and its related contents.

Even though he didn’t have much of an interest in stars.

There was no words needed to express how you felt, or rather, none that could express how you felt. So with a gentle call of his name, you shift forward, ready to pull him into your arms, just so you could convey a fraction of what you felt, to him.

He never makes it into your arms.

You jolt awake, still sitting on the roof where the two of you used to stargaze together, eyelashes dampened with the smearing of your tears. The brain works in a weird way, and it really has a way of engraving his presence deep into you, ensuring you never forget him, even after he was gone. Now your brain feels unimaginably numb, heart painfully hollow.

Waves of mixed emotions were crashing down, reality nipping at the back of your heels, chasing and quickly catching up. There was a reason why you detested happiness, because with it came the false sense of security and the fear of it not lasting, leaving you even more broken than you already were. And sure enough, the fear came true. Aah… you think with a tired sigh. The delusion...it happened again.