#blegh that one was so gross now that i'm thinking more

[detectivesoup]

what is it about broken electronic devices that makes bugs want to crawl inside them and molt or die. every time I open up an old device for repair there are tiny corpses nestled between components on the motherboard. exoskeletons in the interface. a makeshift graveyard composed of dead circuitry.

it's certainly not a kinship with death. that would be silly; bugs don't understand what it means for electronics to be dead, and besides, in the strictest sense, most of these aren't dead anyway if they can be resurrected with donor components from another device which is further in the grave.

it's probably just that it's a small dark space, with even smaller and darker spaces within its housing, and that's a comfortable place to end. or maybe they crawl in to escape some giant and never manage to find their way out of the maze of hardware.

regardless, if you end up dissecting some long dead device you'd consider a dinosaur, here be bugs, of the non-programming kind.

[risingshards]

Blegh okay I thought about it and after rewatching some eps and reading this again, I kinda like my rambling thoughts on acolyte ep 6 so here goes

Preface: I'm a very very VERY easy to please sw fan and I don't like ragging on shows or movies or whatever this way much these days if I can avoid it with how internet fandom is, like especially with this show with all the hatred and vitriol it's gotten from the incels.

And I've been enjoying the show a ton so far, and ep 6 wasn't bad...just. blech. I have critiques.

TLDR: I was excited for a big thriller mystery in the High Republic era told with a queer lens, and instead I feel like I'm getting a Goodreads review of a scrubbed Reylo fic listing the tropes.

spoilers and me bitching after cut lol

I'm just like why is it reylo now????????

I figured with the mentor swap we'd be heading to Osha turning to the dark side and maybe Mae to the light, but the way it's being put out there feels lacking. Osha is turning so quickly that it felt like i was reading some enemies to lovers romantasy for my book club (at least it hasn't been as awful as the colonizer romance they had me read but that is a LOW bar to clear....). Like a lot of the romantasy books I've read, it feels like setup and taking time to build meaningful connections between characters is ignored for like "oh wow he took his shirt off...he's so jacked....what was i talking about again..." I saw a video with the audio descriptions for the ep and it literally sounded like a romantasy audiobook.

And to note: if you love the enemies to lovers romantasy booktok books, like more power to ya! For me it's like when you stare at one of those magic pictures and you can't get your eyes to cross to see the picture, like "I do NOT understand what I'm supposed to see here."

Str8 enemies to lovers just kind of blech me out, where the evil one commits various atrocities that make me want to see them get what's coming to them, and then minutes later the good one is like "whoa he's hot maybe he's not so bad..."

Osha being so Jedi-like in personality only to immediately falter at a hot naked dude just feels gross. Like can't we have any other reasons for women in Star Wars to get tempted to the dark side than a shirtless man gaslighting them? Probably unsurprisingly but I REALLY did not like Reylo (I was in a very bad relationship and I kinda put the headcanon onto TLJ about it being an escape from an abuser because it came out right after I got away from that, so that going any other way did not vibe right with me) so maybe it's just residual feelings from that.

Again more power to you if this is your thing I'm not coming at anyone for enjoying it!

I think another thing that's making me uncomfortable is seeing interviews with Hedlund about Qimir about his desire for freedom against those who want him gone being relatable in a queer sense, and like I get that, I feel that. But if that's the character with the metaphorical queer experience why are we doing mega straight reylo 2 with him? And that guy brutally kills one of the queer girls and calls her it immediately after??? It doesn't help that the show started off feeling really queer, and now like 80% of the queer characters are dead and we're doing reylo 2. The "oh fuck yeah REYLOOOO" interviews I've read this week are NOT reassuring in this regard.

There's just something my pea brain doesn't get when it comes to stories with more shades of gray in series that are typically pretty black and white with morality. When a character crosses that threshold so far into villainy, I want to see them face some blow back for it, not immediately start going all "uwu they're torn and hurt aren't they?" about it. In Star Wars generally speaking I want the antagonist to BE the antagonist, not get thrown into this space between protagonist and antagonist that just has me all crossed up. I know there are plenty of redemptions in Star Wars for the villains, but I like it better when it's more mythical about the hardships of trying to save a villain's soul like Luke and Vader than "the lightsaber represents kylo's dick" reylo stuff.

I get that like the morality is probably supposed to be muddled in this show, and we're not supposed to feel good about Osha and Qimir getting closer smash cutting to Jecki's fresh corpse, but again, the execution feels messy when you have the gleeful "OH YEAH WE'RE DOING ENEMIES TO LOVERS BABY REYLO SLAYYYYYYY" interviews. Again I'm a VERY easy to please sw fan, and I've been really enjoying seeing the High Republic era in live action, seeing cortosis and wild lightsaber duels, all the expanded universe pulls, it feels really fresh in that regard. And all the performances are stellar, and having such a diverse cast is incredible.

If we had more than thirty minutes and more than 8 episodes to build to all this it'd feel a lot better. The character development feels like it's on roller coaster speed, but with Knife to Throat and other tropey scenes also seen in a bajillion enemies to lovers romance books nowadays thrown our way to fill the gaps. These scripts feel like they needed an editor to really go over the scene to scene motivations and logic and character work and dialogue, instead of mashing booktok trope buttons, which is also how I feel about most romantasy books I read...

Counterpoint to myself is that Star Wars is built on tropes and archetypes so this is like taking some tropes and archetypes of the current day's fiction and playing with them.

But idk.

Like am I really supposed to care about any of what I'm seeing or is it just gonna be booktok and fanfic tropes thrown my way now to a bunch of characters with muddled personalities and motivations clashing? We don't necessarily need someone to root for, and I'm probably being unfair to a lot of this, but after how thrilling Ep 5 felt, 6 has me wondering what the bigger picture of this show is, because it went from feeling like a fascinating if a bit messy story to one that might just be "Look here's enemies to lovers, knife to throat, corruption, oh and here's one bed!" without as much under the surface of that character and plot wise as I would have hoped.

[penguin--person]

Top Ten Reasons Why DIMANYA Is AROACE as FUCK

Hi. My name is Penguin and I have prepared an explanation (there’s no top ten reasons actually, I lied) as to why Dmitry and Anya are both aroace.

anyway, fuck proper punctuation.

i'm gonna split this into part one, Anya - part two, Dmitry - part three, allo/heteronormativity - part four, ace stuff- part five, both of them combined and their superswag aroace power.

Anya - anya, our dear friend Anya… i think she has the mindset of “all this lovey dovey stuff is just one big joke. everyones playing a trick on me. theyre lying to me again, those losers!!” until she meets dima. then, it's “omggg i feel so strongly towards him, i feel so happy with him, this must be the love everyone is talking about!! this must be a crush” while little does she know, yes, she loves him, but not romantically. before she meets him, she’s “not like other girls”, she’s DIFFERENT, she’s BETTER than to get a stupid crush. when she gets in trouble with those guys in Punch it, Punk! she thinks “I could really use a prince charming now”, at first thinking that this is her romantic break. but then she thinks “you know what fuck it ill take anyone”, showing she doesnt care much for the romantic norms of having a prince charming. Anya can take care of herself but would like it if someone took care of her for once. when she gets in trouble with those guys in PIP and dima rushes in and saves her, its like! he cares for her! he helped her despite not even knowing her! this Must mean that he loves her a ton

Dima - dima doesn't know what a boyfriend is. he doesn't strike me as the type to read/watch the limited access to the romance genre he gets at the facility, and temnova doesn't strike me as the type to teach him about all that. so, when he saves anya and she gets so. so happy. so lovey dovey. patches him up (though olga probably did that, anya probably convinced her) even though she doesn't even Know him, and she gets him a place to stay at olga’s without him even asking, and when she asks “anyway, do you wanna go out with me?” do you think he fucking knew . what that meant. “do you want to be my boyfriend” now that he'd understand. but i think he just said ok as in “do you wanna hang out with me”. anyway, i think when he found out that they Were dating. he didn't mind.

Dmitry just. just. unconditional love. that Must be romantic. it Has to be, yes? and what he feels towards anya should be that also, then, because he also thinks she's cool and swag and all. even if it wasn't, i don't think he'd care. he cares for her and that's enough, mhm?

Allo/heteronormativity - this will mostly be centered around Anya because she has more experience with it. this is also going to be based a lot around my experiences, as i am so swag to have been blessed to be aroace, so. it's gonna be a lot of projection. anya never really thought about how she's never had a crush, but when she does (and its only because someone asks her “have you even ever had a crush?” and she thinks “oh. oh its supposed to be real”), it’s just “im so fucking cool for not having gotten a crush yet. i'm so awesome. psh. no insecurity here bucko. nah. i'm not like other girls (isn't a girl(but we’ll get into that later)).” she does have slight insecurity about it, but she always pushes it down. when she sees dima and gets such a strong attachment to him, it MUST be love at first sight. she’s still not like other girls (not a girl), but it's nice to be able to brag about your cool boyfriend. like, she just takes it that she’s too cool for all this romance stuff. but then dima comes. and what a boyfriend he is! so kind and cool, what more could anyone want? what more could she want? she's never felt so happy with someone like this, so it MUST be romantic love, it MUST be what she's been missing.

Ace stuff - anya thinks sex is gross and disgusting and can’t imagine how it could ever be enjoyable. she's the kind of kid to go “GROSS!!! BLEGH!!!” at even just seeing a kiss (unless she's giving dima a peck on the cheek ofc). she hates thinking about it, yuck, gross. even simple tongue kisses are disgusting - why are you putting someones tongue in your mouth, ew, yuck, Gross, thats Yucky. dima doesn't know what sex is, as the facility did not provide him with much information (“you're not going to be having sex anyway. we don't need to waste resources on teaching you”) and hed Never ask temnova about this kinda stuff. he thinks kissing someone tongue style is sex. he thinks ‘unprotected’ sex is like, doing it outside of the safety of your home. boy does not know a thing about it

Together - i’m going to now analyze the last scene of PIP through an aroace lens. dima gets confronted by olga. he panics, visibly. anya sees this. she returns him the unconditional love he first showed her when they met, when she was confronted by those guys, when he saved her. she sees him in trouble and becomes his prince charming, breaking the norm once again. anyway, i think even if anya and dima somehow realized they were aroace and somehow accepted it. they'd still wanna stay (at least anya would and dima wouldn't mind) dating. anya definitely loves to say “my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that”, and dima wants her to be happy. like even if they somehow learned what a qpr is they'd stay dating. for the swag

In conclusion, they’re Swag. theyre so aroace, three of my friends and i thought "mmm dimanya aroace swag" at different times before we even met one another

if you have any thoughts on this, i encourage you to expand on this in the replies/reblogs or even just tags!!! id love to hear what u lads think

[baka-monarch]

Little Bitch Gremlin

Wilbur sighed as he cut off the last block of a tree. He had about a stack of wood now after hours of chopping, and was ready to start collecting what the leaves drop. He raised his axe when he was interrupted by a ping on his communicator.

Technoblade: Where are you

Technoblade: Phil's been trying to message you about dinner

Wilbur chuckled at the message from the man he considered a brother. He knew Techno felt the same familial bond with all of them even if he'd never call Phil Dad or Wil his twin, Wilbur knew the piglin felt the same.

WilburSoot: I have him muted

Technoblade: Why

WilburSoot: It gets annoying to get worried messages every second

Technoblade: Well you better hurry back because I think he's preparing to kill you

The human smiled at the messages before pocketing his communicator. He put his axe away in his inventory and let out a little stretch, laughing to himself at the face his Dad must've had when they saw his messages on Techno's communicator. Oh he was definitely dead when he got home, that was for sure.

With one final look around the forest, Wilbur was off on the short journey home. As he walked he took his time, deciding on a leisurely stroll back so he could enjoy the scenery, see the sunset, look at some animals- and most importantly, be as slow as possible to annoy his dad even more. Most would say that it was a fool's folly to purposely anger The Angle of Death, but this was Wilbur Fish Fucking Soot, he chose making the gods angry as a past time like how one would purposely push over a game of jenga- he did not fear the consiquinses of being annoying…. Plus Phil was his dad anyways, so he probably still wouldn't be killed…

Probably.

Wilbur was about halfway home when he heard a weird noise. It was like some kind of garbling- like if a person tried to giggle and talk nonsense at the same time? Okay, he didn't know how to describe it. Either way, the human walked over to where the noise was coming from, curious as to what in the world could make such a sound. As he got closer to a rather large puddle of mud, he could hear his father's voice in his mind scolding him for following strange noises when they could be a mob, or worse, a person wanting to kill him for items. He ignored this voice however as his eyes lit up at the sight of what was in the mud.

Wilbur gasped and awed as he saw a little puppy splashing around and making those little adorable garbled noises. It was completely covered in mud so he could only really see it's bright blue eyes that were the cutest things he'd ever seen in his life.

"Aw, aren't you just the cutest thing" Wilbur scooped the puppy up out of the mud as he cooed at it.

"Aba?" The puppy made the little noise as it tilted it's head, confused as to what was happening, but the action only made Wilbur awe more.

"I'm taking you home, I'm sure the others would love you-" Wil cut himself off as he hesitated to hug the dog close to his chest. The human cringed as he remembered that the puppy was completely covered in mud. "And to give you a bath, blegh, fucking gross…" he mumbled as he hesitantly hugged the dog to his chest, he obviously wanted to have a good hold on the dog so he wouldn't drop it, but it was at the cost of his favorite yellow sweater.

"Buba" Was the dog's only response to what Wilbur was doing as it wiggled in the human's grip. Wilbur cringed more as the dog's movements got more mud on him.

"No- shit- FUCK!" Wilbur changed his grip to be hugging the dog tightly against his chest, which stopped the wiggling, but now his arms had mud on them… "you're a fucking bitch, y'know that?" The puppy only giggled making Wilbur sigh.

With one last shift of his grip to make sure his puppy was secure, Wilbur was begrudgingly off again on his walk home- but much faster this time, wanting to get there before the mud could stain his sweater.

•••

"Dad!! I'm home!!" Wilbur yelled as he pushed through the door using his hip, as his hands were still occupied keeping this chaotic bumbling puppy from jumping away.

"It's about time-" Philza walked out from a side room with a stern look on his face "what took you so long, Wilbur I swear…." The dad trailed off as his eyes landed on the squirming thing in his son's arms.

"I found a puppy!!" The boy exclaimed happily while trying to stop the dog from putting a mud covered paw in it's mouth to eat the goop.

"Well, uhm-" Phil was at a loss for words at first. Of all the things for Wil to bring home he hadn't expected a mud covered puppy. Maybe Techno, but he never thought Wilbur would want a dog. "We'll go clean it up and give me your sweater before it gets stained…" The son was quick to nod happily before rushing off in the direction of the bathroom, leaving his dad standing there completely dumbfounded.

Wilbur was glad that the bathroom door was already open so he could run straight in. He set down his puppy in the bath tub before throwing off his sweater and setting it down outside the restroom where he knew his dad would take it to wash. The human turned to the puppy who was currently rolling around in the tub and getting mud everywhere.

"Hold on hold on-" He sat down and picked the puppy back up and sat it in the middle of the tub. "Stay." He commanded before finally turning on the water.

"Eep!" The puppy squeaked as it flinched back from the cold water.

"Just give it a second to warm up…" Wilbur put the stopper in and watched as the puppy squirmed and tried to climb over the side. "Nope." Wil grabbed the puppy and pushed them back into the water where it whined, but the sound didn't last long as the water was finally beginning to get warm making the puppy visibly relax. Wilbur chuckled, "ya like that?" Obviously the puppy didn't respond, but the way their eyes began to droop and the way it began to relax in the warm water was answer enough. Wilbur chuckled, "There we go, now you're a calm little gremlin" he made his hand wet before petting the puppy's hair and smiled at the way they leaned into the touch.

Wilbur grabbed a cup and while the puppy was distracted, he filled it with water before pooring it right onto their head. He laughed as they sputtered and squirmed, trying to escape the water only for Wilbur to poor another cupfull onto them. The puppy made threatened noises as it tried to escape but Wilbur was just too fast as he poofed more and more water onto them before grabbing a sponge. "Now sit still little pup"

"BA!!" The pup made a noise before trying to climb out of the tub in retaliation, but Wilbur was quick to grab them and force them back into the water where he began to scrub their wiggling form. "Mmmmmmmm" The pup whined as they kept their mouth closed and Wilbur took the opertunity to scrub their face, laughing as he saw it's features scrunch up in discomfort.

"Just a bit more…." Wilbur hummed as he wiped the mud off to finally be able to see his puppy's pale face. "There we go!" He said happily and finally pulled the sponge away. The puppy blew a raspberry at Wilbur in annoyance as soon as their face was free. "Oh yeah? Fuck you two bitch" he poored another another cup of water onto them and smiled in victory as they yelped in surprise and fear. That victory soon left Wil as the puppy shook their head and got him completely wet. "FUCK!!" The puppy laughed at Wilbur causing the older to glare.

"Baba!" The pup said in victory.

"So you wanna be like that eh?" Wilbur smiled and grabbed the soap. He was supposed to be cleaning it after all. "Well how about I do…. This!!" He held the down and got into the tub with it and began to vigorously scrub at them with the soap, laughing at their noises of protest as they fruitlessly tried to squirm away. "You gotta get clean gremlin!!!" He yelled before scrubbing the puppy's face, and once done he looked into their eyes with a smile. "Like that" in response all the puppy did was sneeze in Wilbur's face. "Ah fuck!!" The human scrambled back and fell out of the tub, groaning as he heard the puppy's victorious giggles. "You little bitch gremlin…"

"You doing okay?" Wilbur looked up to see Techno peeking into the bathroom and staring at him laying on the floor.

"Yeah, great, fantastic-" Wilbur sat up and looked at Techno. "I didn't know cleaning a dog would be this hard…" he mumbled.

"Uuuhhh…" Techno looked into the tub and very clearly saw a naked human baby and not a dog. "I don't think that's a dog"

"What do you mean?" Wilbur looked at his brother confused.

"Well firstly- don't let them eat soap"

"Huh?"

Sure enough as Wilbur turned around the puppy had the bar of soap held in their hands and was slowly bringing it to their open mouth while making a small "aaaaahhhh" noise.

"Give me that!" Wilbur snatched the soap away from the pup and didn't miss the sad look they gained from it being taken.

Tecno huffed. "And secondly, they look nothing like a dog. Wilbur, you brought home a baby human." At Techno's words Wilbur looked at the child in the tub and finally noticed that yes, they didn't have fur, yes they only had hair on their head, that yes they had hands, and most importantly, yes they were naked and that was baby junk-

"Oh fuck!!" Wilbur scooted back, making the baby laugh. "You tricked me you little gremlin" he glared, and once again only got a laugh in return.

"Baba!" Was all the baby said.

"I'll go get Philza-" Techno turned and started walking away, not wanting to deal with this.

"Wait you can't leave me alone with it!!" Wilbur begged after his brother.

"He!! Not it!!" Was all Techno called back.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

I just found out I'm 5 weeks after a few cycles of trying. I knew it would be rough but ur kind of scaring me now lol. I always hear mothers saying stuff like "Pregnancy was the best!" or "I miss being pregnant!" and people do it over and over again, so there must be something to love about it. Right?

Of course! there’s plenty to love about it:

many people lament the changes their body goes through during pregnancy, especially the bump growing. personally? i fucking love it. literally i’ve never loved the way my body looks more than right now, and i used to be fit as fuck. i was sleek and curvy and all sorts of hot, i look EXACTLY the opposite now and yet i LOVE it.

the dips of my stretch marks, my huge slowly rounding belly, my jiggle thighs, my muffin top hips spilling over my pants, my skin is SO fucking soft, i seriously cant keep my hands off myself. if my tits werent plagued by lymphedema i’d probably love them too, but in a sleep bra they look sooooo good in my new maternity shirts. ESPECIALLY ruffle blouses. i genuinely adore the way i look heavily pregnant, and i will absolutely miss it terribly.

i mentioned before that i hate the rolls and swishes (especially the stretches) but i LOVE kicks. seeing my belly move around is surreal and kind of freaky, but in an amazing way. kicks are so... assertive. “i’m here! i’m alright! i’m growing patiently! i’m exercising!” it’s so soothing to know they’re doing well in there, in a place i can’t reach them. i’ll poke them back and they’ll react! it’s so sweet. getting kicked in the butthole isnt so sweet, but i do think its funny tbh.

learning their routine in there is so nice in a weird way. i know what foods they react strongly to(baby loves spicy), and how they react to light. they like to settle on one side of my belly button or the other, and i can feel their head (or ass?) just hanging out there. resting. i can caress my baby through my skin. it’s gross but its so lovely.

i get to park in the expectant parking spots heehee >:3c (i already have a blue badge, but when the blue spots are full, there’s still a close space for me most of the time) i always do an evil little laugh when i pull in like im doing crimes.

my hair still falls out, but not nearly as much as it did pre-pregnancy. it gets greasy a lot slower too.

i still get pimples, but not nearly as many as i did pre-pregnancy. (T1 doesnt count. T1 was like Puberty 2. hopefully yours isnt as blegh)

i’m compelled beyond understanding to drink TONS of water. I have never drank this much daily water in my LIFE. i am extremely hydrated and feel healthy.

i’m compelled beyond understanding to get into the sunlight. i stand outside for a few moments on sunny days and feel like im photosynthesizing. i never did this before now.

im generally more optimistic rather than doomscrolling my own brain for hours a day.

i feel more responsible, i feel like the decisions i make have a future in mind rather than impulsivity. i feel purposeful. my mental health has improved drastically.

i eat so much more fruit than i used to

my sleep is plagued by nightmares sure but i sleep SO fast now. it used to take me hours to fall asleep. now it’s mere minutes. is this how the other side lives???

people are way more willing to help me, and other parents readily and eagerly answer a complete strangers random questions like “was that expensive? is it easy to use? does it fit in your car well?” that from any other person would feel upsetting and invasive. i was looking at nipple balm confusedly in target a few months ago and a total stranger called out to me and asked if i needed help, then pointed out which are vegan, which have this or that ingredient, which allergens to be aware of, which have a strong smell, which were oily or lotion-y, and when i picked one (earth mama butter) just said “great choice, you’re gonna smell so good. good luck babe!” and left with her cute toddler who was happily chanting “nip-ple, nip-ple, nip-ple,”. ideal interaction. i still think about that woman. she smelled like cheerios and strawberries.

there’s plenty to love and enjoy, just like theres plenty to hate and be miserable about.

and when it comes to people who say “pregnancy was the best! i miss it!” i personally have a feeling that if it’s not because of stigma of looking “unappreciative” of pregnancy, it is because keeping an infant alive is fucking miserable, and parenting blows chunks. i’m sure that comparatively, being extremely uncomfortable and in pain for the better part of a year might actually have been the best part for them, even if they had the roughest parts.

i’ll definitely miss the way i currently feel about my body. i’ll miss the QUIET for sure, and the idleness. and ill miss sleeping so soundly, even if there’s nightmares. i’ll miss getting to shirk chores because my body hurts, and i’ll miss having 100% of my husband’s attention, but he’ll miss having 100% of mine too so at least its fair.

but........ i won’t be doing this again :^) at least unless i have free healthcare, because my GOD the bills are OUTRAGEOUS. fuck that shit.

congrats on your success, anon. it’s a rollercoaster.

[vldlance]

hi! um, i was wondering, what does 'anti' mean? lol sorry i'm kind of clueless

anti has become a general term signifying that you’re against pedophilic ships. this pretty much started right here in the voltron fandom, because people shipped shiro and keith, which is pedophilic because shiro is 25 while keith is 17 at the start of the show, an 8 year age difference. (also they’re adopted brothers and the power imbalance of all of that is just. so gross)

the people who shipped sheith, or shipped shiro with any of the underage paladins, where called shaladins. anti started out with people referring to themselves as anti-shaladin, so against shipping an adult man with any teenage characters. however the term became popular in fandom as a whole, so now people who are generally against pedophilic ships refer to themselves as antis.

you might also see ‘anti-anti’, which refers to someone who is against antis, meaning that they ship pedophilic ships. a lot of times these people will argue that fiction doesn’t affect reality (it does) and that people should just be allowed to ‘ship what they want’ (they can, as long as their ship isn’t pedophilic, abusive, or otherwise obviously morally reprehensible, at which point they’ve opened themselves up to criticism.)

as a general note, there tend to be two varieties of ‘anti-antis’. the particularly bad variety is older people, usually people above 18, who think that these ships are okay. these people are especially bad because they think it’s okay to ship some older, like them, with a character who is a minor. it’s gross. blegh.

the other variety tends to be younger people, usually under 18, who ship these kinds of things because they think that in the given situation they would be mature enough to date someone that much older than them. i don’t blame these people—they’ve usually been groomed by that section of older people to believe this about themselves, and it’s usually a matter of being miseducated than being an actual pedophile or believing in pedophilia. i used to be one of these on my main account! when i was 15, i shipped otayuri from yuri on ice, which was a ship with a 15 year old and an 18 year old. as a 15 year old, i thought i could totally have a mature relationship with an 18 year old. i fought against antis who didn’t like my ship! and then when i was 18, long past my yuri on ice phase, i realized how drastically different the maturity levels of a 15 and 18 year old are, and knew that i would feel gross to date someone younger than me like that. otayuri is a less significant age difference than sheith, of course, but the crux of the issue is that your teenage years are a period of your life where people tend to change DRAMATICALLY, and their maturity levels go along with that.

this turned into a really long response widkskskajsk so i’m sorry but it’s an issue near to my heart lmao!!! if anyone has any more questions let me know but also sheithers: do not interact :)

[ablogiguess]

10/22/2021

So, just today, I got a really odd feeling.

He told me he went on a date that went well and said that it ended in snogging. I don't know where this reaction came from, but I was grossed out?

I just came out of that conversation going, "Blegh."

I've never had it happen where I liked someone for a while and then suddenly found them gross.

I hope I get over it because the timing couldn't be less convenient. Oh, you started dating someone seriously? Yeah, I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

Like goddamn, if I wasn't totally transparent before, I would be then.

It'll be good if this means I'm done liking him because it was never going to turn out well for me. There have also been little elements of his personality that have really rubbed me the wrong way.

Like he doesn't like dogs. I'm definitely more of a cat person than a dog person, but I've never not liked dogs.

I really hope that it's well and truly done rather than one of those "I do, now I don't, now I do" things. When I originally started liking him less, I was a little sad because it does feel nice to like someone. I think that feeling has outlasted its usefulness, though.

I'm grateful that it provided the motivation for me to make a few good decisions and I'm happy to remain his very distant friend.