#bleach was also a big part of my younger years haha

[bigbrainbiology]

18) Orihime Inoue <3

[moon-yeongjun]

The Gay Cousin Pt. 1 || Moon Bros

Summary: Jun and Tae’s cousins from Canada zoom in... and reveal a pretty shocking secret! 

TW: anxiety, thoughts/mentions of homophobia (no actual homophobia expressed) 

@moon-yeongtae

JUN: A couple of times a year, the Moon family skyped the other Moon family. It happened only on your standard occasions: Chuseok and Christmas. Much more common were phone calls to Eomma’s extended family still living in Korea-- her cousins and aunts and uncles, most of whom Jun had never met. 

But the other Moons-- his father’s younger brother’s family who had immigrated as well, but to Canada, not England. Well, they were like Santa Claus. Or a unicorn. Popped up, said hi, sent cards but only over email. In fact, there were times they could not work out the time difference between Toronto and Swynlake and so they missed the Skype call. 

But not these days. Oh no, these days, ever since Abeoji died, Eomma was making a real effort to keep in touch with Nam-seok and his two sons. Whether it was out of guilt or maybe her way of feeling closer to her late husband, Jun didn’t know. 

He also didn’t argue though when she told all the Moons that it was Jacob’s birthday in a few days and they were going to Skype him from his new apartment. 

“After church, this Sunday, so no plans!” Eomma said fiercely to all of them, waving a knife in the air. She glared more fiercely at Star, who was truly going through the rebellious-teen-phase on behalf of both goody-two-shoes Sky and eager-to-please Sunny, and was texting at the table. 

“But Eomma, I was going to go over to Janet’s--”

“No. Jacob emailed me, eh? We’re doing it. No excuse.” 

And so now it was Sunday, at 2:26 p.m., which was 9:26 a.m. in Toronto, which seemed pretty early for a 25-year-old (and shouldn’t he be going to church too? Jun was not going to point this out to Eomma, for Jacob’s sake). They gathered around Jun’s laptop as he logged onto Zoom, which was much better than Skype, he told Eomma. 

“Agh, your butt is too big, Star!” yelped Sunny behind. Sunny and Star were fighting for Jun’s nice desk chair, trying to shove each other off with their hips. 

“I called it!” 

“Aish, girls!” Eomma snapped. “Sky, put the book down.” 

“We’re not even on yet?” Sky huffed, not lowering her book. 

Jun rolled his eyes and glanced at Tae. Who knew that Tae would be the best behaved of his siblings? Not him. Though, his brother was almost 18 now, so maybe his bad attitude really was just a symptom of those early teens, like the girls now. 

Just then, his screen began to ring. “Yah, he’s calling!” Jun announced. 

Eomma ripped the book from Sky’s hands. “Okay everyone, be nice or I’ll kill you!” 

The next moment, his cousin appeared: Jacob with his big grin, which immediately reminded Jun of Tae. But that was about the only resemblance. Jacob was blond now! Aish! A second after, his other cousin leaned in onto the screen: Kevin, with his hipster glasses, wearing a beanie even though it was spring there, unruly hair poking out. Too long, thought Jun. What was with kids these days and growing their hair so long? “Yooooooo, Moon fam, hi!” Kevin said. 

“Gomo, hello hello!” sweet Jacob said, waving both his hands. “How’s everyone doing?” 

TAE: 

When Tae was younger, he used to wish he belonged to the other part of the Moon family. It wasn't because he hated his life or anything even though he sort of did sometimes (at least back then), it was because they just seemed so much cooler! Like right now his cousins were smiling so big and Jacob had dyed his hair blonde! Tae had a feeling that if he tried to dye his hair blonde his eomma would try to slap some sense into him with a kitchen spoon! Ha! 

"We're great," Tae said, leaning closer to the screen and blocking his sisters' view of the screen and smiling big in return. They didn't need to see anyway. 

Predictably, though, the second he was fully in the way he felt shoving at his back. 

"Oppa you're in the way! We can't see!" 

"You don't need to see anyway," he said and laughed when Star yanked him backward by the shirt. "I like your hair! How long did it take to turn it blond?" 

"Like, a long time," Jacob said with a laugh. "It looks good though so it was worth it." 

"Maybe I'll do it next," Tae said and smiled really big. "Eomma will help me, right, Eomma?"

JUN: 

Aish, was Tae trying to pick a fight? He took back what he was thinking about one minute earlier: Tae had not grown out of his annoying teenager phase at all. He was still in it, a troublemaker to the end. Because he knew! Oh he knew, he heard the fights between Star and Eomma as Star pushed and pushed. It had taken her almost a full six months to convince Eomma to let her and Sunny dye bleach their hair in the first place. And she’d not even asked about the blue colour, just showed up, tossing those locks and letting Eomma lose her mind. 

Remember what Eomma had just said too? Behave. Picking a fight in front of their cousins was not behaving. 

“I think Star has more experience with that,” said Jun swiftly, so Eomma did not have to answer. Eomma nodded, not adding anything else, which Jun knew was because she did not like the idea of Tae-- any of her children-- dying their hair at all. 

“Yes! Girl, I saw your Insta pics, that blue was so cute!” Jacob said. 

“Fire!” Kevin added, putting his hand to his mouth like a megaphone. 

Star preened. “Thanks! It was super hard to manage though and like, washed out to this ugly green colour.” 

“Right, yeah, I get that,” said Jacob. “So what’s everyone doing?”

“No, you tell us about you, you are both so busy,” Eomma interrupted with a smile. “I see Jacob’s graduation pictures?”

“Right, yes! I finished my Masters in Music Ed,” said Jacob. “Kevin’s still working on his degree, he’ll be done in like no time though. And then I just moved here! Ahh, first place of my own! Well, not like on my own, on my own, but you know--” 

Eomma clapped her hands lightly. “That’s so wonderful! So responsible. You have a job?” 

“Um, yes, but not actually teaching music yet!” Jacob laughed. “I’m just like, working in a restaurant right now.” 

“Music is a very hard degree to find a job for,” said Jun. Then flinched as he felt Eomma pinch him. He shot her a confused look. What! It was! Who could get a degree in music education and expect to make real money?! 

“Haha, yeah it is but like, I just graduated so I mean, I’ll be interviewing for stuff for next school year.” Jacob went on like he didn’t notice. “But so wait, no, everyone tell me what’s up! Tae, aren’t you going to uni soon?” 

TAE:

Tae's smile fell for a moment before he could control himself but he quickly recovered, pasting it back in place. The thing was, theoretically? Yes, Tae was supposed to be going to uni soon. Actually, he was supposed to be going to uni next year if everything had gone the way it was supposed to, but he was a giant failure of a human being and had to repeat an entire year. 

He didn't really want to get into all of that, obviously, so he just kind of smiled and nodded. "I still have one more year before I have to get into that, but yeah, I can already tell that year is going to go by fast."

There, that was much easier than talking about how he felt like an utter failure and like he was too stupid to ever get into any uni, right? Perfect! 

"Jun-hyung is really doing great with the store, too! We actually have employees now and he's even dating one of them." 

He looked over to his hyung with s little wince, hopeful that Jun would take pity on him and not kill him later. 

I'm sorry, he tried to communicate with his eyes. I just can't talk about uni. 

JUN: 

Now this wasn't fair. Why should Jun have to suffer because Tae was irresponsible and lazy and didn't study enough or own up to his choices???! 

Okay, maybe that was putting it all a little harshly but Jun was not feeling very forgiving when Tar mentioned the g word. 

Girlfriend. 

His cousins were going to gobble that up, two hungry hyenas scenting gossip.

And sure enough, both Kevin and Jacob gasped. 

"Yooooooooo no way! But wait-- wait wait, what about Tiffany?" exclaimed Kevin. 

" They broke up! Kevin that was in Gomo's Christmas email! I'm sorry Gomo, I swear he read it--" 

"Course I read it, I just forgot! Tiffany was around forever!" 

"Anyway, this new girl? Tell us about her!" Jacob beamed. 

Jun would rather not. He would rather do anything but talk about Haru. He needed to say something fast though or else-- 

Already too late. Jun's one second grimace opened the window for Eomma. 

"Oh she's wonderful! Her name is Haru, she is Japanese but very beautiful! Very polite and friendly and she goes to church--" 

Jun cleared his throat. "Yes, we are still getting to know each other. It's new." 

"Well she has worked for us for a year, that isn't very new--" Star said with a smirk like the traitor she was. 

"Don't you want to show us your new place, Jacob?" interrupted Jun maybe a little desperately, who could say! 

"Oh yeah, Zoom tour!" Kevin flashed rock our signs. 

"Definitely! I was just hoping we could wait for--" Jacob turned at that moment. "Did you hear that? Oh I think he's here! Wait just one minute everyone!" Jacob waved a hand and then scurried out of the room. 

Kevin leaned in to the screen. "Soooooo… anyone else got any hot significant others, hmmm? Star-- Tae, my man??"

TAE:

“Ha,” he blurted, and then instantly he panicked and shut his mouth. 

Tae had literally been about to say he had the hottest one. It had been right there on the tip of his tongue, because any chance to talk about how hot Nemo was was something he wanted to take advantage of. Then he remembered that most of his family had absolutely no idea he was gay and if his eomma knew that about him she’d probably tell him he was going to hell. 

This zoom call was quickly turning into a nightmare. Not only was he forced to think about how dumb he was, now he had to think about how closeted he was too. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t, so he sat there and tried to keep a smile on his face while Star babbled on about someone in her class and all her boyfriends or whatever she was talking about. 

If Tae had been panicking a little bit less, he might’ve caught it. He might’ve been able to prepare himself for what he was about to see because all the hints were there. No one was trying to hide anything at all. 

Jacob had clearly said he’s here and then right after that, Kevin had asked if anyone else had any hot significant others. So yeah, Tae should’ve been prepared when Jacob walked back into the frame holding an unfamiliar boy’s hand. 

He should’ve been prepared, but he wasn’t. 

In fact, when he saw Jacob walk back into the frame, everything around him went black and he stopped breathing while he gripped his chair so hard his fingers hurt. He was going to pass out. 

Tae looked over at his eomma, trying to read her expression, but all he saw was a blank stare. 

“Tae!” 

Tae blinked and the world filled back in around him. Star was pushing at his back and giggling. “Aren’t you going to say hi? Jacob is introducing his boyfriend!” 

“Right, sorry! Hey, it’s nice to meet you,” Tae said with a respectful little bow of his head. 

JUN: 

From Jun’s point of view, it went like this: 

“Star’s flirting with like six different guys right now,” Sky spoke for the first time, right after Tae’s very strange squeak. Jun met Sky’s eyes for a beat, his own eyebrows furrowing down for a moment. Did Sky…? But he thought only Sunny--

“Oh my god, am not,” groaned Star. “Sides, Eomma won’t let me date yet anyway.” 

“You’re too young,” said Eomma. “Whoever these boys are too, stop flirting with them--”

“I’m not flirting! I’m friends with them. You won’t let me go out with Tyler--”

“Ooooh, who’s Tyler?” said Kevin, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“A friend,” said Star, looking very pointedly at Eomma. 

And this was when the door opened and Jacob returned with another boy. He looked Korean, maybe-- was he Korean?-- with short black hair and thick-framed, stylish glasses. He carried coffees with him and a large, friendly smile. But that smile was nothing compared to his cousin’s. His cousin’s smile had crinkled his eyes into precious rainbows and he squeezed the boy’s arm once--

And Jun knew, right before Jacob said anything, but not fast enough to suddenly smash his hand on the keyboard and instantly disconnect them. The panic seized his throat. 

“Gomo, everyone, I wanted you guys to meet my boyfriend. This is David!”

“Hey everyone, I’ve heard so much about you,” said this David as he pulled up a chair. He grinned again, leaning closer to the screen. “Seriously, Jacob is always talking about his cool British cousins.” 

“Wait, I’m screaming!” squealed Star (not actually screaming). “You have a boyfriend?”

“It’s nice to meet you!” piped in Sunny, and Sky echoed her, “Nice to meet you!” 

Jun, meanwhile, was trying not to look at Tae, but could not help himself. And so he kept jumping his eyes around like he was following the path of a fly in the air. Look up, look to the side, look at the mouse, okay, look at Tae--!

Tae looked like he’d been punched in the face.

Eomma looked like she was listening to some very serious news. 

“Yes, very good to meet you,” said Eomma finally, after Tae had spoken too. She smiled very politely. “How do you know Jacob?” 

“We went to school together,” said David. “Undergrad, I mean.”

“We started dating our third year,” added Jacob. His knee was bouncing, Jun could see it on the screen. Ah, so he was nervous too. Good, he should be, he might have just exploded the Moon families forever! This was sabotage! What was he thinking?! “So it’s our third year together. So we decided to get a place. He’s great,” Jacob gushed. “I mean, totally genius level smart, he works at an engineering firm.” 

“Yeah, David’s awesome,” chimed in Kevin. 

“What do your parents do?” asked Eomma. 

“They’re both teachers actually,” said David. “That’s how they met, uh, in their PhD programs. My mom mostly does after school tutoring in sciences, but my baba’s a professor at McGill.” 

“Oh, very impressive,” said Eomma. She pressed her lips together. Jun was staring at her; he could not look away. “And has David met your appa and eomma, Jacob?” 

“Yes,” said Jacob with a nod. “Yes, yeah. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you guys to meet him too, you know? We’ve just been dating so long it felt silly at some point, haha!” 

TAE:

Tae was having a heart attack. 

They’d learned all about it in school--the sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the unbearable pain in the left side of the chest. He was absolutely going to die right here in this chair while talking to his cousins from Canada. Or he was going to puke. One of those two things was going to happen and it was the most important thing in the world that he not give any of that away with his face. He had to remain still. He had to remain stoic. He was not allowed to talk. 

He heard everything Jacob was saying. They’d been dating for a long time. They’d been together so long, actually, that Jacob’s new apartment was actually Jacob and David’s new apartment and his parents knew all about it and they still loved him. They loved him enough for Jacob to think it was a good idea to introduce David to their family. 

Their very traditional, Christian family. 

Yep. 

Tae was actually dying. 

The screen in front of him started to waver. Actually, the whole room kind of looked a little misty, and Tae realized there were tears in his eyes. His Eomma was barely moving. She was talking, but they were like short little clipped sentences and Tae was so afraid of what she was going to say when they ended the call. He didn’t want to hear it. 

Slowly, Tae looked over at Jun, his eyes big and pleading. He didn’t know what he wanted his hyung to do, but he needed to get out of this. He didn’t want to be here anymore. 

A hand, small and warm, was suddenly covering his where he was gripping the chair with all his strength and he looked down to see it was Sunny. She’d leaned forward just a little to reach him and Tae had to cough to cover what sounded suspiciously like a sob. Ha.

He couldn’t think about David meeting his aunt and uncle. He couldn’t think about how cute it probably was and how much they probably loved their son’s boyfriend. If he did, he’d start wondering if it would ever happen for him. 

He’d start thinking about bringing Nemo over to his eomma and telling her they were dating. He’d start imagining how happy she would be for them and how supportive she would be when he said they were going to move in together. He’d start daydreaming about what it would be like to live with Nemo and how happy he would be because his family could come visit them and they could cook dinner and entertain and--

He pulled his hand away from Sunny’s and wrapped his arms around his knees. 

JUN: 

Tae looked at Jun the way he used to when he was just a kid. It had been a long time since Jun had seen that sweet boy in his brother’s face. Those big eyes, that nervous lip. He was five years old and crying about his scabbed knees. He was six and begging Jun for chocolates. He was seven and teary-eyed as he struggled with his maths homework, Jun sitting with him at the kitchen table.

And Jun wished he were the hyung he had been all those years ago-- bad hair and acne but all the time in the world to answer to his brother’s needs. He’d once been a superhero, the smartest person Tae ever knew! There was nothing he could not fix!

But this. 

This was Tae, eight years old, asking him not to go away to university. That had been the first time that Jun had ever broken a promise and let his brother down. 

And here he was again. He stared back helplessly. What could he do, eh? Stop the call abruptly? Make an excuse for Tae that wouldn’t upset Eomma? Turn back time, call his cousin, tell him that coming out was a bad idea?

And was it?

Jun could not say. Eomma was not causing a scene. She had not shut down. She was not as happy as before, but maybe it was a shock, or maybe the slight had nothing to do with Jacob bringing a boyfriend, and instead it was about him bringing anyone at all to a family call. 

Jun would just have to wait and see. 

And so he sat there. Just like Tae sat there. He sat there, failing his brother all over again. 

“Well I think that’s all super awesome!” blurted Sunny, proving to be more useful than Jun. “Maybe we could visit you guys one day!” 

“Totally!” said Jacob.

“Oh yeah, the first ever Moon family reunion!” said Kevin as he pumped his fist. “Man, we’d gotta get some of the O-G Moons.” 

“O-G?” David snorted. 

“He’s talking about the real Koreans,” said Jacob. “In Korea.” 

“You... are real Koreans--” David started. 

“Point is, all the Moons!” Kevin said. “One day! Would be fun.” 

Jun could only nod and press his lips together. At least they were not talking about David anymore, not really, eh? Best keep it that way. Maybe that was what Jun could do. “So eh, you wanted to give  a tour of the apartment?” He prompted. 

The rest of the call was mostly that. Jacob walked them around their place. They had been in the spare room, which was mostly an ‘office’, but Jun saw the massive computer screen and knew it was a gaming computer, mhm. And then there was a rather new kitchen, brand new appliances, David bragged. David also talked a lot about some of the apartment complex amenities, the on-site gym, a movie theater big enough for a group of say, eight to ten. He was proud, Jun saw that-- it was an expensive place, and no doubt he was covering most of it for Jacob. Jun wondered about that aspect of their relationship, he wondered if Jacob really was ready for it all, only 25 years old, on the cusp of his start of career, to depend on someone else… 

And then the bedroom, which they did not spend much time in, because they wanted to show the bathroom with its nice sized tub.

And then the balcony, which had a nice view of Toronto. Star sighed dreamily. “I wanna live in a city like that one day!” 

And then they all said their goodbyes. “This was so fun, I’m so glad you guys could call in,” said gentle, naive Jacob. He did not seem to suspect anything. Maybe he was hiding it. Maybe not. 

Eomma stood up first as the Zoom ended. “He is doing very well,” she said. “What a beautiful place to live, eh? See, this is what happens when you study hard.” She looked at Tae sternly. 

“Tae, I need your help!” Jun blurted at that moment, slapping the arm of his chair and making his sisters flinch. “With-- there’s-- the thing, you know, I told you to do this morning. You didn’t do it.” 

TAE:

The second his hyung spoke, Tae jumped out of his chair and nodded, heading to the back door where he kept his mud boots. He couldn’t breathe. The air in their house had gotten too thick  and every time Tae tried to take a breath it stuck in his lungs, gummy and wet. 

His eomma hadn’t looked happy. In fact, she hadn’t looked much of anything, her face kind of a blank slate, and Tae’s brain had absolutely no problem projecting all of his fears onto that blank slate. She’d been disgusted. She’d been upset, mad, disappointed. 

That last one really was the worst one for Tae. 

Pulled his boots up over his jeans and stomped down the stairs, heading toward the barn with one thought swirling through his head over and over and over. You’re already such a disappointment, and when she finds out you’re gay that’ll be the last straw. 

It was true, though, wasn’t it? He’d failed a grade. Now, the second time he’d done this school year, he was passing, but just barely. He was stupid. He was a giant idiot and his eomma knew that. That’s why she’d taken that dig at him, told him that if he studied hard he could have a nice apartment like Jacob. 

Tae hated Jacob. 

Well, no, he didn’t hate Jacob, but the jealousy burned through his bones and left him shaking and empty, barely able to stand. Wait. He wasn’t standing. 

Tae looked down at his hands and found them covered in dirt. He was on his knees behind the chicken coop, his chest heaving as his heart attack finally caught up with him. He was going to die. It was kind of a relief actually, because now he wouldn’t have to come out to his eomma at all. He’d just die and be buried in a cute little grave and she could cry and say he’d had so much potential and maybe she’d even believe it because he hadn’t lived long enough for her to see how wrong she was. 

He should probably call Nemo before he died, his brain offered up, but he’d left his phone in the house and it was probably better this way anyw--

A loud, rasping sound caught Tae’s attention and he looked around, his eyes wide and wet, until he realized it had come from him. 

“I can’t,” he was saying. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” 

JUN: 

Tae hopped up right away. Good, good, that was what Jun wanted. Jun could not follow his brother as quickly though, caught in the dynamics of the Moon women before he could escape. This mostly consisted of Star gripping at his arm and saying, “Junnie oppaaaa, you need to post a picture of you and Haru on Instagram, so Jacob can see her!” 

“I don’t have a personal Instagram,” Jun said and tried to drag his arm away. 

“Ugh, I’m making you one, that’s so sad,” said Star. 

“Posting a picture would be good, Junnie,” said Eomma. “Maybe Facebook?”

“No one uses Facebook anymore, Eomma!” said Star. 

“Aish, that’s not true, I use Facebook all the time,” said Eomma. 

“I have to-- help Yeong-tae--” Jun cleared his throat and managed to squeeze out this time around, leaving talks of Facebook and selfies behind.

But not Jacob. 

No, he carried that with him as he went outside. He had no idea where Tae would have gone, considering that Jun did not actually give him a task. He headed toward the chickens though, because that seemed to be a good distance from the house. And sure enough-- there was his brother-- on his knees. 

Jun stopped, still far away as though he’d stepped in mud and it had sucked his feet down. He did not know what to do. Jun was not someone who comforted others-- not well. Whenever Tae had cried on his shoulder in the past year, he had sat like a useless, limp pillow, just there to be grabbed onto. He did not know what he’d say to Tae now either. He didn’t know how Eomma felt. Maybe she’d never talk about it, and maybe that was a good thing? Maybe later today, she’d rant about it all much too harshly. Jun could make Tae no promises.

Perhaps he should just leave. Hadn’t he already failed his brother enough today? Space could be what Tae needed, just...space, and time, so he could calm down…

This was not the right answer, Jun knew that and so he hesitated, second after second, before finally forcing his feet to move.

“Tae-yah, what are you doing? Get up, come on now,” said Jun, and he reached down to help Tae onto his feet again. His hands went clumsily up to his brother’s face, wiping away the tears over his splotchy red cheeks. “Look at me, eh? Why are you crying?” It was a genuine question, but also Jun felt like Tae needed something firm right now-- someone to keep him grounded, not have him spin off into whatever painful scenarios he was concocting in his head. “Eomma doesn’t know about you, okay? You’re okay. This is a good thing--” 

He said it. And he believed it.

His hands moved down to grip his brother’s shoulders. “You aren’t alone anymore, don’t you see that? Jacob understands you, eh? He knows exactly what you’re going through!” 

TAE:

“He doesn’t!” Tae heard himself say. 

He wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t want to be fair. He wanted to be Jacob. 

“He doesn’t know anything. Jacob--his eomma probably didn’t care at all! She probably smiled and hugged him and told him to bring David over for dinner and our Eomma just stared at him like he was gum stuck on the bottom of her s-shoe.” 

Tae’s sobs caught up with him and his whole body shook. He didn’t care if what he was saying was true or not because in this moment it was how he felt. Alone. 

Except Tae wasn’t alone, and for a moment, it was like he was six all over again. Jun-hyung, was standing here with him, his hands on his shoulders, and telling him everything was going to be okay. 

Why couldn’t he live in a world where who he loved didn’t matter? He was a good person! Or, he tried to be at least. Sometimes he got a little bit angry and he was definitely short-tempered but...he just wanted his family to love him. He just wanted to be accepted. 

“Hyung, you can’t let her hate me,” he said, his voice a little smaller--like maybe if he said it quiet enough the universe wouldn’t get any ideas. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks and  Tae gripped at the hem of his hyung’s shirt. “She’s going to hate me, but you can’t let her.”

JUN: 

“She won’t hate you,” said Jun. “I promise.” 

It was not something he should promise.

But Jun had always felt this way, since Tae came out to him-- that there could be no other alternative. He could not imagine his loving eomma turning on one of her own children like that, no matter what she believed or didn’t believe. And really, did they know? A belief in God did not mean a belief that all gay people should be damned. He had seen plenty of Christians to argue the opposite: that God meant love, and love was for all of His children. 

Maybe Eomma would be shocked, maybe she would be-- disappointed or confused. That was what Jun tried to find on Eomma’s face when Jacob had introduced his boyfriend, but she had been much too polite about it all for him to figure it out. And yes, those emotions might hurt Tae too, but it couldn’t be hate. Never hate. 

Jun wished his promise could secure that. He would trade anything in order to give Tae that peace of mind.

As it was, he could only fumble his way through this like always. “Tae-yah,” he said then gently. “You should talk to Jacob again. You don’t know what it might be like for him. He was probably scared too, even if our gomo did accept him right away. I’m telling you, this is good.” He said it again, wiped his brother’s face again. “No matter what happens with Eomma, you will always have family, see? Me, and our sisters, and Jacob and Kevin-- and yes, even Gomo. So many people are going to be there for you.”  

TAE:

His hyung was right. Tae knew his hyung was right and he shouldn’t be scared, but it was just so hard not to be. He took a deep, shaky breath and nodded his head. And when he really thought about it, maybe he was just a little bit less scared now than he had been before, because Jacob had come out and nothing had caught on fire. His eomma’s head didn’t explode and she didn’t start praying for him immediately and saying he was going to go to hell. So really, it had been a little bit like a test run and no one had died. 

Now that he was a little more calm, Tae really wanted to know how Jacob had done it. 

“I--Yeah I think I want to talk to him,” he said in a small voice, still holding onto his hyung’s shirt. “And I think I want to tell Sky and Star too. I think they should know.”

A small seed was starting to bloom bright with hope inside of Tae’s chest and he wanted to water it. He wanted to give it all of his energy until he wasn’t scared at all anymore. He leaned into Jun and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tight and pressing his cheek to his chest.

“Thank you, hyung,” he said, and he meant it so much. “Thank you for helping me.” 

Maybe it was stupid, but what Tae really wanted now was Nemo. He wanted to tell Nemo all of his feelings. He wanted to explain to him that maybe he was ready, but he was also still so scared and he wanted Nemo to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay just like his hyung was doing now. 

Tae felt safe in his brother’s arms and he wanted to tell Nemo about that too. He wanted to tell Nemo that his hyung was a hero. 

“You--I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” he said, still mumbling. “You’re a good hyung.”

[purplesurveys]

694

What song are you listening to right now? I’m not listening to anything but the last song I played was Violet by Daniel Caesar; I don’t actually know the song but it was part of a playlist on Spotify. Admit it -- you want a Snuggie. What design/color? I don’t even know what that is, but if it came in pink I’d want one. Do you prefer movies at home or movies at the theatre? Home is cozier and costs much less, haha. How many songs does your iTunes have? Ooh, I haven’t used my iTunes in like half a decade buuuut I think it peaked with around 400-500 songs? Idk, I didn’t explore much as a kid and I liked to stick with my favorite singers/bands. Do you take a shower in the morning or the night before? When I’m off school I like to shower at night - much more comfy that way, and I fall asleep faster. But when I have to leave the house whether to go to school, the mall, to crash at someone’s place, etc. I always bathe a few hours before. Always. I hateeeeee not feeling fresh when I go outside.

What's your academic niche? (History, math, science, etc.) History for sure, but there are some science topics I’m also okay in. Who's your youngest teacher? They’re all already pretty seasoned lol I can’t actually tell. I think it’s Ma’am Cai; welp, at least among my current professors, she’s the one that acts the youngest. Have you ever had the samples people offer you at Costco? I’ve never been in a Costco but I typically don’t get samples from our local groceries because idk, they just look nasty :/ The only samples I get are the free ones they hand over at Starbucks and Coffee Bean, haha. If you had to name your kid after a food, what would his/her name be? I’d take olives and turn it to Olivia, which was always my choice for a girl anyway. But if it really had to be food-inspired I’d go with... Brie for a girl, or Sage for a boy. Miley Cyrus: Inspirational role model or a ho? Get with the times, 2009 survey. This question won’t get away with that word today. Anyway, Miley is a badass. I never changed my mind about her, maybe except for that time she did that performance with Robin Thicke. Are you stressed about anything? Right now no. I’m on a six-week break, I wanna enjoy it without thinking about the stuff that would typically stress me out. When's the last time you had a rock, paper, scissors match? It’s been a few months. What's your favorite anime? I don’t watch anime... the only show I got into was Pokemon. Did you cry when Ash let his Butterfree go with the other Butterfrees? I vaguely remember that but I probably got sad over it when I was younger. Don't you hate it when Facebook auto-corrects your smiley faces and hearts? I don’t mind it. Skinny, flared, ripped, or faded jeans? Ugh I hate all of these. I have a lot of skinny jeans in my closet but they’re always a last resort - my go-to these days is mom jeans. What are you excited for? Meh, nothing in particular. I wanna say my birthday? but who knows what the world is gonna come to be by then. Are you part of the Farmville cult? No I never played. I wasn’t allowed to make a Facebook account at the time when games like that and Petville and Plants vs. Zombies were big. What were you for Halloween? Last year I went as Dora. AND IT WAS SO ANNOYING because the party we were invited to prohibited shorts??? And 1) Dora wore shorts and 2) I searched far and wide for a pair of orange shorts? It was the first time I heard of a dress code that strict for a college party lmao I couldn’t believe it. Thankfully Rita had just bought a pair of orange jeans so she let me borrow those. Have you ever had braces? Back in high school. What year of high school are you in? I am not. What's your favorite flower? Peonies. Would you ever bleach your hair? Probably not. My hair has faced enough damage. Have you ever stood on a frozen solid body of water? No. That sounds scary though. I’ve heard and watched people fall through ice :/ Would you ever take up smoking or drinking? I’m already doing both. Thanks, college and peer pressure! Do those girls with 1,000 friends on Facebook REALLY have that many? I dunno, who knows? It’s always possible. I have a bigger problem with the fact that this question just singled out girls lmao. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Uhh Earth Hour, if it counts? If not, we have Araw ng Kagitingan on April 9 which commemorates the Fall of Bataan during WWII. Are you cyberdyslexic? Is this even a thing? I’ve never heard of this until today. Are you regular dyslexic? No. Is there irregular dyslexia? :((( What would your name be if you were a boy? I don’t know. My parents didn’t think about this either I think. Which person from way back when would you love to hang out with? My great grandpa. Either him or his cousin who wrote a book on history. What color are your eyes? Dark brownnnnnnn ugh this will FOREVER be in surveys won’t it. The forever on-going question: Is Twilight stupid or actually brilliant? It’s so stupid. BUT I LOVE IT ok.  Did you carve pumpkins for Halloween this year? No. We don’t do that here. Does your family use a real pine tree or a plastic one for Christmas? I think most households here use artificial trees. I was already a little old when I found out other countries would use real trees. Do you know anyone with a play-on name? (Chris P. Bacon, Justin Case, etc.) Not personally but super recently someone named their kid COVID BRYANT and it was all over social media for a few days. Covid Bryant. Let that shit sink in. Only Filipinos, man. Do you have any foreign exchange students at your school? Yeah, mostly Koreans and Japanese people. If you had a week to live, what would you do? I don’t have much of a choice, do I... I’m gonna be stuck at home and do the stuff I’ve already been doing in the last three weeks, and just hope I had fun.

Are you good at brain teasers? Some, but I don’t enjoy doing them in general. Is your handwriting nice? I can handle a pen pretty well, if I do say so myself. I have a neater penmanship than most people I know. What's your second language? English.  Is it uncomfortable for you to take showers in glass stalls w/out curtains? Not really but the door has to be locked. Finish the sentence: Remember, remember... The fifth of November? I dunno why I know about that though. Did you understand Shakespeare? No. I always bought the No Fear Shakespeare editions cos I had absolutely no patience to try and understand the original text. What do you want to be when you're older? Rich. What's your favorite dog breed? Golden retriever or pitbull. Are you one of those people who take like, 50 Facebook quizzes at a time? I’ve never taken a Facebook quiz. What was the last shot you got? It was at the roof of my mouth, back when I had a tooth extraction. Ever gotten cavities? A few times. Can you differentiate between the words "your" and "you're?" Yes. Do you use hair ties as bracelets? Lmao always. Don’t most girls do this? What was the last school project you did that you couldn't wait to turn in? My book report for my business journalism class. After I proofread it like 6 times and triple-checked the word count, I couldn’t waitttt to get rid of it. Have you ever graded papers? Sure. I’ve said it in past surveys, but my org hosts journalism workshops to interested schools, whether they’re in elementary, high school, or college. At the end of the day they have to come up with their own articles, and then we check each of them, correct the mistakes, grade them, and give it back to them with our comments. What was your favorite year of school up to this point? Third year of high school. I don’t really have a favorite year of college... I had lows in each of them. What's the latest you've ever woken up? 11 AM. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? For a time I did cos Angela taught me. Then I just never sang it again so I ended up forgetting. If you could master one language in thirty minutes, what would it be? Korean. Are you a sucker for foreign accents? No. Sometimes I find it hard to understand. Where were you born? Is it the same place you live currently? I was born somewhere in Manila, and I live faaar away from there now. How often do you remember your dreams? What did you last dream about? Only if I note them down on my phone. The last dream I remember having was too lengthy for me to want to type it all down, but it involved me and Gabie being exes, and she had her own kid hahaha. When did you learn the ninja turtles were named after Renaissance artists? Pretty early, I guess. I’ve never seen the show though. Do you do yoga? Nope.

[alkhale]

From the anon that mentioned Pan and Pandora Hearts: FUTURE AU!! That would be a dream come true ahhh Also because I’m curious, what kind of stories did you want to make before but maybe decided not to??

oof, there’s a lot hahaha

- Naruto  ( i did do one, a long time ago, it was one of my firsts but i kept it for a long time even tho it was so bad before deleting it and keeping the old files to remind myself the gap from where i started and now and to remember my roots!) But I wanted to go back and rewrite one.

- Naruto but Kakashi/Oc story, Oc was a friend during his younger years and she spent a lot of time with him since he was alone and moody so often, but she had a crush on Obito and it became a very big mess and lots of sadness and yes, long-term pining and friends-to-lovers 

- Bleach Byakuran/Oc, I think I might actually still have the excerpt floating around of what it would’ve been like or the beginning parts. Oc was born in the slums of the Soul Society, and they meet when she’s climbing his wall (breaking in) because she wants to break off one of the cherry blossom branches to bring to her younger sister. (This is with a younger byakuran and young oc, but she’s secretly a few years older than him) Byakuran is like wtf and OC just grins and says he’s got pretty hair for a boy, and takes the branch and escapes before he can do anything about it. A whole year passes and she’s back with the next season and he tries to stop her or get a name or something from this weird girl with the weird pressure and weird everything but she slips off. Several meetings from there all leading up to her joining the academy again after his insistence, she decides she wants to try to become a captain to make change happen but things and things and i can go into more depth if u want haha

- Bleach Stark/Oc 

- Bungou Stray Dogs 

- Gintama

- another Haikyuu fic

- Kid Flash/Oc (Teen titans universe)

- TodoDeku fic

- Takasugi/Gintoki 

- i think i have a list somewhere of a lot of them hahaha, if anyone’s interested, i can explain them more and just ask me about a specific fandom cause it’s hard to remember them all haha

[alloftimeandspacetosee]

Po Town Rumble

This was also possibly a request for my co-writer, who uh. rly likes Guzma lmao.

 and yet this is the only thing she’s actually asked me to write and finish haha

 well, she asked for the fight with Guzma, and I filled in around it

~

The docking laws had changed since they were last in Alola. Jay left the offices with a sigh, running a hand back through her hair.

Brith pushed off from the wall and joined her, a pace or so behind, as they walked back towards the ship. “That seemed long.”

“Yeah.” Jay shrugged. “’Parently there was trouble last year?” She wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “Which means more forms and checks but thankfully no more money.”

Their ship is obvious in the harbour, the only one of its kind; the others are big pleasure cruisers, the smaller inter-island ferries, a couple of pleasure craft, and one or two of the Poni island Travellers.

Not only that, but there’s a crowd hovering about its plank, where fire and ice dance in the air, indiscriminately laced with bursts of brighter electricity.

“Well, if she’s been making money, she could pay any extra fees.” Brith grinned.

Jay laughed as she shouldered her way in, walking straight through the illusion with barely a blink.

“C’mon, Blue!” Soise, perched up on the railing, sighed dramatically. “Rude.”

“You’re supposed to be going with the twins to see their friends.”

“They’re old enough.”

“They tied you up.” Brith caught up Soise’s paw as the zoroark tried to hide it, showing the frayed rope to Jay. “How long did that take you to get out of?”

Soise pulled her paw back and dropped down from her perch. The illusion before the plank disappeared in an instant. “Rude.”

Jay ignored the two pokemon and glanced around to see who was still there.

Jayden had gone straight on – a lecture on the orocorio or something in the library, part of a week-long series – and the crew had been given time off.

So mostly just her pokémon, lounging about in the sun.

“Well, if you’re no with them, you’re coming to the market with us.” Jay turned to them again. “Extra paws and all.”

“We can–” Brith started.

“Mam! Maaaaam!”

Jay whirled and looked back along the pier, left hand half clenching into a fist as water pooled, ready to form ice.

Arlette was in front, pelting along the jetty towards them, jinking in and out of the crowd. Aurora wasn’t too far behind her, dragging along one of their friends… Onni, Jay thought, but really she hadn’t met them often or for very long.

“What’s the damage?” Soise called, cutting in.

“No – uh – um. Can we go to Po town?” Arlette stopped at the bottom of the plank, executing a front flip rather than just skidding to a too-rapid halt.

Jay narrowed her eyes. “Where have I heard that name before?”

“It’s – ah – where Team Skull took up residence,” their friend said. “Hi. Again.”

“Oh, you got free.” Aurora studied Soise. “How long did that take?”

“Why are you wanting to go there?” Jay sighed. “It’s the other side of Hokulani, yes?” She paused for Onni to nod. “That’ll take a while.”

“Kite’s run off.”

“Again,” Onni said. “Vir family is… none too keen about some things.”

“But we think that’s where ve headed – it’s where ve heads normally, right?” Aurora paused for Onni’s nod. “So. Can we?”

“In the interests of helping a friend?” Arlette asked.

Jay folded her arms, twisting her mouth to the side as she thought it over.

“I can go with them,” Soise said, raising a paw.

“We wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,” Aurora said.

“You wouldn’t ask if you thought you could get there and back without us noticing you’re gone,” Jay corrected her.

Aurora grinned.

Jay considered them before glancing upwards, counting the flyers they had. Jayden had taken all the birds, which… really just left Gar’aq and Lapwing.

“Brith, can you and Soise handle the supplies?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, what?” Soise threw her paws up. “Unfair!”

“Take Arc, if you can shift her.”

“So…” Aurora glanced between them, chewing her lip.

“I expect you’re coming as well?” Jay glanced at Onni, who nodded.

“If that’s alright?”

“We’ll manage.” Jay whistled sharply. “So. Arl and ‘Rora, you take Gar’aq. Onni, that means you’re with me.” She stepped towards the cabin.

Brith intercepted her and held out a different bag. “Inlé, I’m assuming?”

“Thanks.” Jay handed Brith the bag over her shoulder. “List’s in there. Don’t let Soise buy anything too idiotic.”

“But slightly idiotic’s ok?” Soise smirked.

“It’s to be expected with you,” Brith replied, swinging it over her shoulder.

Arc nosed out of the cabin behind her, with Aria on her back.

“Ouch.” Soise laughed, jumping up beside Aria.

Arc huffed and shook her shoulders. Aria murmured a purring sort of answer to her, rubbing between her ears.

“I expect this might take a while. If Jayden comes back between seminars, let him – I’ll text him.” Jay pulled the phone from her pocket and turned as Lapwing landed beside her. “Hop on, Onni.”

“Sure.” Onni eyed the dragonite and scrambled on awkwardly, adjusting their skirt to sit.

The twins were already aloft on Gar’aq, the aerodactyl circling the ship.

As Jay climbed on behind Onni, Vulp joined her, and Sesser flitted to her shoulder. “Aye, now we’re ready.” She grinned, lifting a finger to stroke Sesser. “Let’s go.”

Lapwing lunged forward and over the side of the ship.

Onni shrieked and grabbed at her horns, pressing flat against Lapwing’s back.

Lapwing beat up the water as she dropped slightly over the side, and then as she adjusted to the extra weight, gained height and circled to join Gar’aq.

The twins – standing, grasping hands and using that to balance – leant out on either side and whooped as Gar’aq screeched and headed for the towering mountain in the distance.

#

Po Town looked far more impressive from the air, where it was a grid work of streets and buildings, with open garden spaces and a large house at the end of it.

As they got closer in to landing, the disrepair and ramshackle nature of it became clear.

Gar’aq and Lapwing landed on the path leading to the big house – once a grand mansion, its windows were caved in and boarded over, and the door hung crooked on its hinges – and crouched low for their riders to get off.

Onni stumbled and recovered, smoothing down any hair that had tangled loose in the flight.

Jay stepped down and stood with her back to the mansion, studying the tangled mess of a town. Hedges had overrun their borders, trees had grown haphazard and cracked through what was left of the pavement. Cars were left in the middle of the street, some missing their doors, others looking as though they’d been in vicious accidents.

The twins tumbled down, one over each of Gar’aq’s wings, and spun back to back as they looked around. “Where would ve be?”

“Which houses have electricity?” Onni answered with a grin.

“Hey. Hey! You can’t just land here like you own the place!”

Jay whipped around at the shout to face the person that had yelled at them.

He was young – well, older than the twins, but a great deal younger than herself – with his hair bleached white. Baggy jacket, gold chain. And swaggering, like he owned the place.

“Yeah… sorry about that?” She shrugged. “But we’re just looking for their friend so–”

“What’s the bloody point in having a wall if it don’t even keep anybody out?” he snapped, glaring at her.

Gar’aq growled, falling forward to rest on his wings.

“Oh fuck off,” the man snapped at him.

“Gar’aq,” Jay murmured, and glanced to the twins and Onni. “How ‘bout you go find your friend?”

The twins nodded. “Sure!”

As they ran off, Sesser flitted from Jay’s shoulder to follow after them. Good plan. Their bond might not be as strong as it was were Sesser fully evolved, but she could get the gist if anything bad was happening.

Gar’aq snapped his jaws shut and prowled over to sit beside Lapwing.

“We’ll find vis quick,” Onni said, beckoning the twins past Jay. “Always do.”

“And what, you’ll wait here as a fuckin’ taxi?” The man laughed. “That’s rich.”

“Right?” Jay folded her arms and leant back against Lapwing. “Kids these days.”

He stiffened up as if to retort.

“Yo, boss!” Someone hung out of an upstairs window. “’Meria wants to talk with ya!”

“Don’t let me keep you,” Jay said, as he narrowed his eyes at her. “Important business, I’m sure.”

“You.” He jabbed a finger past her, at someone else. “Mind she don’t go anywhere else.”

Jay didn’t turn to see who he talked to, because this man seemed to be the bigger threat.

“But – the kids, boss?”

“Touch my kids and you’ll regret it,” Jay snapped, almost without thinking as she straightened up, hands curling into fists at her sides.

“Will we?” He swaggered towards her.

Jay pushed off Lapwing to meet him. “Aye,” she growled. “You will.”

From between Lapwing’s horns, Vulpix growled in concert.

He was taller than her which, while not uncommon, was still a rare occurrence. Jay blinked, not quite having expected that.

In her defence, most people that got that close were children, excited by the prospect of one (or more) of her titles.

“Boss!”

“Guzma, get your worthless ass back up here!” someone else roared from the same window.

He laughed at her and turned away. “Keep an eye on her.”

“Sure, boss.”

Jay leant back against Lapwing to wait.

“You one a’them trainers from other regions?” The girl swaggered around to talk to her, puffed up on her own importance.

“Aye.” Jay studied her.

A white beanie with black patches mirroring the boss’ – Guzma? – sunglasses covered her head, tufts of greenish hair poking out from under it. She was wearing a black tanktop and a black neckerchief pulled down about her neck, tangled with a heavy silver looking necklace that mirrored Guzma’s.

“You any good?” She tossed a pokéball in her hand.

Jay laughed, reaching up to scratch Vulpix’ chin. “Some say I am.”

“Let’s battle then!”

Well, it had been a while.

“Vulp, you’re up.”

The girl stared at Vulpix as she leapt down from Lapwing’s back. “That’s a vulpix? No way, it’s the wrong… colour and everything!”

“That gunna put you off?” Jay raised an eyebrow.

“Hell naw!” She laughed and spun out her pokéball, releasing a carnivine.

Jay relaxed as Vulpix splayed her thick tails out along the ground behind her, ears flat to her head.

“Bind!”

The carnivine shot forward its tendrils.

Vulpix leapt aside, rolling across the ground and wriggling under a tree root. The carnivine followed her with its vines – too closely, and tangled with the tree root.

“Fire blast,” Jay said, softly. Almost unnecessarily, but she had to put on a show for challengers. Pretend she was near their level.

Vulpix raised her tails – the edge ones still brushed against the ground, there were that many of them now – and glowed, fire expanding in a concentrated blast from her tails and engulfing the carnivine.

The battle was over almost before it had started.

The girl stared as the smoke cleared, then fell to her knees, grabbing at her hat. “What. The. Fuck. Dude!” She looked up. “That was – fuckin’ awesome! Hey! Hey, boys! Check it, this lady’s whack!”

“Grand Duchess. Technically,” Jay muttered, smirking as she crouched to stroke Vulp.

“Can you battle again?”

“Yeah, battle me!”

“Hey, I want to battle!”

“Come on!”

When Jay looked up, the square was teeming with people all wearing variations on the same outfit. “Uh.” She straightened up, and looked over Lapwing for the twins.

No sign of them, or their friends.

“I… guess it’ll pass the time?” She hadn’t really been looking for a battle – hell, Alola was supposed to be the one region where she reliably wouldn’t be challenged to a battle – but… well, she wasn’t averse to the idea.

“Yeah, but who first? We gunna draw lots?”

“Battle for it!”

“Dude, that won’t work, y’ll all need yer strength for her.”

Jay smirked. “Why don’t you all come at me?” They’d said she needed work at double battles… well, this would be a bit more than that but it had the same effect.

She ignored the voice that told her they’d meant double battles with a partner.

“At once?”

“Lady’s cray.”

Jay reached for her other pokéball. “Well, if you all want to take a discussion and wait for a turn–”

She was interrupted by pokéballs releasing a whole host of pokémon, from the Alolan rattata and meowth to salandit and mareanie to haunter and drowzee and fomantis.

“Holy shit would you keep that racket down?” someone yelled from the second level of the mansion, sounding as if they were using a loudhailer.

Everyone pulled back, recalling their pokemon.

“Sorry Plumeria,” one of them – the original one – called up. “Di’n’t mean to disturb ya!”

“Yeah, well – who the fuck is that?”

Jay turned, shading her eyes to look up.

A girl was half out of the window, one foot on the tiles outside it. The tresses of her hair – looking more like obviously fake extensions the more Jay studied them – were caught in one hand as she leant it against the window frame.

“I’m… here to pick up… my kids?” Jay laughed. “They challenged me to a battle, and I could hardly refuse.”

“Yoooo, you battle?” Guzma plunged out of the window in a haphazard jumble of limbs. “Sorry, ‘scuse Plume – woops – fuck – nah I got this.” He slid across slates to hang from the edge of the already broken gutter and drop down. “I’m next, I wanna–” He caught himself, seeing everyone watching. “I mean – I’m challenging you. As leader of Team Skull, it’s my fuckin’ duty to see you get your ass kicked.”

Jay grinned. “Be my guest.” She took a step back, flanked by Lapwing and Gar’aq, and the spectators spread out to give them more of a pitch.

“You watchin’, Plume?” Guzma turned to look back up at the woman in the window.

She sighed and settled herself against the frame. “Since you won’t sit and do your godsdamned work, I guess I might as well.”

Guzma grinned and puffed himself up, tugging an ultra ball from his pocket. “The boss who beats you down, and beats you down, and never lets up... Yeah. Big bad Guzma is here!"

Jay flinched as everyone about her cheered. So he was clearly… something.

She held Inlé’s pokéball loosely in her hand.

Guzma threw out his and released an ariados.

Something Jay was familiar with. “Ok, Inlé, you’re up.” She released the charmander.

He might be one of her weaker pokémon – or younger, at any rate – but he was still a force to be reckoned with.

Inlé – finally grown into his larger-than-average paws – looked up, tail fire with just the hint of shadow at its centre flickering brightly.

Guzma squinted at Inlé and laughed. “That what you’re givin’ me? Despite those two there?” He gestured at Lapwing and Gar’aq.

Jay smiled thinly. “Smokescreen.”

Inlé arched his back and hacked, coughing out black smoke.

Behind Jay – all around them, now – the people… team grunts, Jay realised, because what else would they be. Obviously. This was Team Skull’s headquarters. Or it had been.

They made a swelling noise of “oooooh” as the pitch was obscured in the smoke.

“Toxic Thread!” Guzma swung his fists forward and hunkered down as if to see through the smoke that obscured their battle pitch.

The ariados scuttled forward, back raised to spool thread out.

Jay didn’t bother trying to squint into the smoke. “Fire fang.”

The ariados lunged at something as they heard the skittering of claws in the smoke.

A blast of fire, and the ariados screamed.

“He’s right there, fell stinger!” Guzma yelled, leaping to his feet now and chancing a glance up at the window, where Plumeria was seated.

The ariados’ stinger – held high above the smoke – glowed, poison beginning to condense at its tip.

“Flame burst.”

Inlé appeared, rolling out of the smoke at Jay’s end of the pitch. He twisted to a stop with his tail arched high over his head, one forepaw on the ground and the other curled up to his chest. He snarled, and fire plumed between his jaws to ignite the smoke.

The pitch burnt with an intensity that had everyone shielding their eyes. When the smoke was gone, Guzma’s ariados was on its back.

Guzma spat on the ground as he returned it. “Yeah… you won’t get so lucky again.” He flicked out another ultra ball, one Jay hadn’t even seen him reach for, and a masquerain buzzed above the pitch.

Jay considered it, then called Inlé back to her side. “Vulp, you’re up.”

“Wait, that’s a vulpix?” Guzma laughed. “Fuckin’ hell that’s weird.”

Jay rolled her eyes. “Baby doll eyes.”

Vulpix tilted her head, dropping her ears to either side of her head and making her eyes big, the pupils widening.

The masquerain tilted its wings, curved side up, and drifted down.

“Naw, bro! Use air slash!” Guzma waved his hands from behind. “It’s playin’ wit ya!”

The masquerain twitched its wings to attack, and Vulpix had a moment’s notice before the wind slashed down at her. She rolled to the side, yelping as she was tumbled backwards, scraping up her side.

Jay half clenched one fist. “Confuse ray!”

“Air slash, knock ‘er out the ring!” Guzma yelled, almost at the same time, grinning wildly.

Jay glanced around – Vulp didn’t exactly need ordering, at this point, only really Inlé did anymore – and studied the… grunts. They were getting into this, as much as Guzma was. And there were a shit ton of them, all with their own pokémon.

What would happen, she wondered, if she beat their boss? It was almost tempting to find out.

“That’s right, use ice beam! Show ‘er what a real vulpix looks like!”

Jay snapped her attention back to the battle to see the masquerain aiming ice at Vulpix, having hemmed her into a corner of the pitch with gusts of air.

Jay whistled, sharply, to get Vulpix’s attention, and reached back to tap Lapwing.

The dragonite roared past her, barrelling into the masquerain before it could unleash its attack.

Vulp flounced back to Jay’s side and sat primly, cleaning her ears.

Jay crouched to her level and grinned. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Not that she expected the Pokémon to answer her, although with her team she wouldn’t have been surprised.

“Ice beam – c’mon, hit the fucker! You can do it!” Guzma howled from the other end of the pitch.

Vulpix glanced at Jay and barked, bouncing in a circle as if chasing her tail.

Jay grinned and straightened up. “Hurricane!”

Lapwing soared up and over, coming at the masquerain from behind in a twister-like movement, creating a funnel of air about her.

“Ice beam, dead centre!” Guzma yelled. “Show ‘em what’s for!”

Jay whistled again, but this was softer and two-toned. Twee-errr.

Lapwing flicked a wing and her spiralling slowed, lowering her head as the masquerain hovered before her.

The ice beam hit Lapwing right between the horns, and the dragonite roared in pain. She tumbled over the masquerain and onto her back, coming in fast.

Jay threw up a hand, recalling Lapwing to her rarely-used ball. “Sorry, girl,” she murmured, not even flinching as Gar’aq shoot past her and snapped at the masquerain. “Aerial ace!”

Still facing the other way, exhausted from its attack on Lapwing, the masquerain didn’t – couldn’t – get out of the way fast enough, and Gar’aq caught it with one wing and spun, grasping it to throw into the ground.

Guzma recalled it and sent out two pokemon; a pinsir and a scizor.

Jay raised an eyebrow. “Two against one?”

“Come at me, bro!” he called back, glancing up as if to check that Plumeria was still watching.

“Inlé, you up for more?”

The charmander darted back into the fray.

“Smokescreen!”

“Naw, we’ll have none a’that! Stone edge!”

The pinsir ran at Inlé, and the scizor took to the air and buzzed after Gar’aq.

“Iron head!”

“Sky drop!” Jay called up at Gar’aq, focusing on Inlé.

The charmander leapt and jinked across the pitch as stones erupted seemingly at random from the ground.

Jay narrowed her eyes, watching. Then, “One right prow, flame burst!”

Inlé leapt right, landed on the side of a stone as it broke up through the ground, and leapt again at the pinsir as it charged him down.

“Storm throw!” Guzma whooped, dancing from foot to foot.

The pinsir reached out to catch Inlé before he landed – and Inlé exploded into fire, with a growl so deep and fierce it was almost a roar.

The pinsir, too close to dodge, was caught up in the fire and screamed, lashing out with its spindly arms.

Inlé cried out as well, thrown back as the flames stopped.

The pinsir was charred and smoking, but still on its feet.

“No way!” Guzma laughed. “That’s some good fuckin’ going!”

Inlé tumbled head over tail before bouncing off a jagged rock and landing on his side.

Jay flicked a hand, and Vulp sat up, focusing on it.

Inlé scrambled to his feet and flicked his tail, growling.

Jay grinned. “Swagger.”

Inlé puffed out his chest and coughed out something, standing up to place his claws almost on his hips.

“He’s playin’ ya!” Guzma yelled. “Use guillotine!”

The pinsir charged at Inlé, head lowered and horns tensing to attack.

Jay took a step back, glanced up, and whistled sharply again.

Gar’aq dived to head off the pinsir, the scizor close on his tail.

Inlé leapt backwards, twisting away.

The pinsir lunged after him–

And was slammed into the ground by Gar’aq’s tail as he pulled out of his dive, moments from being too late.

Fine enough to stop his own dive, but the scizor behind didn’t stop in time – whether by accident or design – and slammed Gar’aq into the ground as well, slamming its glowing head into his back.

Guzma whooped, echoed by the people watching.

Inlé twisted and snarled, fire lighting up the scizor where it stood on Gar’aq’s back.

Guzma returned both his pokemon, while Jay only returned Gar’aq. They’d have a hard time returning to Malie at this rate.

She glanced down at Vulpix. “Switch?”

Inlé snarled, and she looked up to see him still on his feet, albeit hulked over and supporting himself on one forepaw. His flame was small, but burning brighter than ever. The scales on his back seemed to be darker.

Jay frowned. “… Alright.”

And Guzma sent out a golisopod. “Let’s get this show on the fucking road!”

Jay stared at it as it towered over Inlé and let out a series of bubbling clicks as a cry.

Inlé, unbowed, snarled back at it.

“Fire fang!”

Inlé sprang forward.

“First impression!”

The golisopod lunged forward to meet Inlé and uppercut him with one of its bulkier arms.

Inlé cried out as he was flung skywards, twisting in the air to rain fire down on his opponent.

Guzma was laughing. “You see this sucker, Plume?” he yelled back towards the house. “I got this!”

Inlé landed and tumbled behind a jagged outcrop of rocks.

Jay could practically feel the eyeroll Plumeria sent his way, and remembered then that golisopod were part water type. “Swagger, Inlé!”

Inlé leapt up onto the top of the rocks in front of him and puffed himself up, croaking out a challenge.

“Waterfall!” Guzma retorted.

The golisopod lunged at Inlé with frightening speed, drawing water from the air.

Jay winced and squinted, not quite willing to look away.

Inlé leapt sideways and swung from one of the golisopod’s weaker mandible-arms and landed on its back, dashing claws against its scales.

It twisted, swung a fist at him and caught a blow hard enough to throw him away.

Jay recalled the charmander before he landed, and Vulp charged in. “Confuse ray!”

“Time to end this shitshow!” Guzma cried out, bouncing from foot to foot and swinging his arms, and something embedded in the golisopod’s scales was glowing, and–

It caught up Vulpix by one of her tails, unconcerned with the fire that exploded around her in retaliation, and spun her up and around, jumping to get the height necessary to slam her into the ground and scream at her, clicking its mandibles close enough to her ear that it was practically eating it.

“Alright!” Jay raised a hand, water crackling with electricity about it. “You win.”

The golisopod pulled back, and Vulpix limped her way to Jay’s side.

A moment of silence, and then the grunts erupted into cheers and hoots and roars.

Jay dropped to her knees, pulling off her coat to wrap the pokémon in. “You did good,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Vulpix licked at her nose.

Jay smiled and bumped her forehead against Vulpix’s.

“Awww hell yes!” Guzma screeched. “You see that, Plume? You see it?”

“I saw it,” Plumeria replied, yelling above the noise of the grunts.

Jay stood, sorting through her bag with one hand, the other cradling Vulp. “Hey – winnings.” She tossed the pouch lightly over to him.

Guzma caught it without thinking and glanced inside. Then up at Jay, and then back to staring inside. “You’re shitting me.”

“What? You won.”

“All this?”

“It was a good battle.”

Guzma whistled, then tossed the pouch to one of the grunts – the one with green hair, that Jay had originally fought. “We’ll heal your pokemon for you.” He swaggered across the torn up battle pitch to her, offering his hand. “And – nice! Your tats are fucking neat!” He stared at her arms, taking in their designs.

Jay laughed and shook his hand. “No bad yourself.” She nodded at his forearms.

“Hey, mam! We found ver!”

“Yeah, we found – hey, budge!”

With a crackle of electricity, the twins stumbled out of the crowd with their friends close behind them.

“Wait, what happened?”

Jay tilted her head to rub against Sesser as the swablu landed on her shoulder. “We’re going to have to stick around here for a bit. Lap and Gar’aq need to rest up.”

Guzma slung an arm around Jay’s shoulders, slouching slightly to make it work. “In the meantime – the grand tour! Welcome to Po Town.”

“We have internet now!”

“And Netflix!”

“Goals,” Onni said, laughing. “That why you come so often, Kite?”

Kite shrugged, but Jay didn’t hear vis answer as Guzma tugged her eagerly on.

“Here, you gotta meet Plume properly, she’s my second in command, she’s just – the best. She keeps everything running properly like, and–” his voice dropped to a whisper as he booted open the door to the mansion, “She’s fuckin’ hot.”

“You should get yourself an intro speech.”

“What?” Jay glanced across at Guzma.

He lay sprawled across a broken couch, beer bottle in hand, watching the battle tournament being played out on the TV. “Ya know. Let people know what they’re up against.”

Jay smiled slightly. “I think most people know who they’re up against. Outside these islands, anyhow.”

“Oooohh, you’ve made a name for yourself, have ya? With that weird ass vulpix of yours?”

Vulp, from Jay’s lap, lifted her head and let out a warning growl.

Jay laughed and stroked Vulp’s head, calming her. “Something like that.”

Guzma settled himself again, waving off the cutiefly that were buzzing about the room. “Still, ya should have a slogan. Or something.”

“‘It’s ya boi, Guzma’?” Jay raised an eyebrow, voice steady even if she was grinning.

“Yeah, yeah, only – wait, fuck. What’s your name?” Guzma twisted over to see her.

Jay snorted. “Varies, on the person.” She held up her free hand. “Jay, Blue, Cap’n, NightGale.” Duchess, Guardian, Shade’s Bane, she continued silently.

“Ya – you’re a Captain? Like of a fuckin’ trial?” Guzma twisted upright, upsetting the stack of old pizza boxes that he shared the couch with.

Jay paused. “Ah – no. Of a crew. A ship.”

Guzma’s face lightened, and he leant across to slap Jay’s hand. “Yoooo! Crew leaders u-nite!”

“What.”

“Here, like this.” Guzma grabbed her hand with his other, demonstrating. He slapped palm to palm, back to back, then a fist bump before pulling his hand away. “Kapow.”

Jay laughed, mimicking the explosion movement on her own. “Nerd.”

He eyed her suspiciously, collapsing back onto the couch – all without spilling a drop of beer. “But fuck, we can do something with NightGale…” Guzma leant back, tapping his fingers along the bottle.

[nilesdaughter]

More About Me

I was tagged by the lovely @galadrieljones <3

I’ll tag (with no obligation, as always): @battlefox, @tyishi, @battyhatter, @tiredspaceplant, @kwiyoongi, @aurianavaloria, @amariahellcat, @ariannadi, @thevetranyxs, @heronfem, @motherofgriffins, and @littlebutfiery.

1. What is the favourite item of clothing you own?

Surprisingly enough, I love most of the clothes that are in my closet, but I think my favorite would be my “Always Keep Fighting” shirt, especially because I have the design from the very first Represent run. A big part of why I love it (other than the fact that it has Sam Winchester/Jared Padalecki on it) is because of the cause it represents.

2. Tell me about the first time you watched your favourite movie?

I like a lot of movies, but I tend to claim that the 1999 Mummy movie is my favorite. I...don’t really remember when I watched it beginning to end for the first time, though. I suspect it may have been in late elementary school, or during middle school, because that was when I was becoming very interested in studying ancient Egypt. My mom really likes it, too, so I do remember seeing snippets of it well before then.

3. What was the last book you finished?

Oh, gosh, I can’t really remember. It feels like I don’t read for pleasure nearly as much as I used to. I think it was one of my shitty bodice rippers though haha

4. What is the next book you want to read?

I have a whole shelf on one of my bookshelves that is full of books that I have bought/been gifted, but haven’t gotten around to reading yet.

5. When is your birthday, and what do you want for it this year? (If your birthday has already happened this year, did you get what you had your heart set on?)

My birthday is coming up on April 22!

My fiancé and I recently moved again, and we’re still working on getting some things for the kitchen, as well as furniture. So, at this moment, all I really want is some gift cards and/or money so that we can go buy the rest of what we need.

Oh, and a tea kettle. I am absolutely dying for a tea kettle.

6. If you were given one month and $10,000, where would you travel to?

While I would love to either visit the East Coast or go to Europe, I think I would use this opportunity to go back to Manila. I really miss the Philippines...

7. Cake or pie?

I like both! Though my favorite kind of cake is red velvet, and my favorite kind of pie is tied between pumpkin and apple.

8. Name 3 things you think you’re really good at.

--Writing. This is one of the few things that I will actually admit to being good at, but only because I’ve been doing it for so long.

--Organization and planning. My friend group almost always refers to me when it comes to organizing and planning activities. This is another one of the few things that I will admit I’m good at, to the point that I’m considering a career as an event coordinator.

--Gift giving. While my memory may be crap when it comes to literally everything, the one thing my memory is great for is remembering little details about people, so when it comes to buying gifts for other people, I can easily rattle off things that they like. My friends also refer to me a lot in this circumstance lol

9. Name 3 things you’d like to be better at.

--Controlling my temper. I tend to get annoyed easily, especially when I have to deal with certain types of people at work, but then it escalates into being bitter about every minor inconvenience when I’m in a sour mood.

--Blaming myself. My gut reaction in a lot of bad situations is to try to figure out what I did wrong, even if I really had nothing to do with it.

--Being more sociable. I have social anxiety, so I know I can’t get rid of that, but I’d at least like to maybe have a better grasp/understanding of how to engage in small talk?

10. Name 3 far-fetched dreams you’d like to do someday.

--Own a house. This was not an aspiration I had when I was younger, but now that I’m engaged, I’m thinking of the possibility of having a family. I want lots of room for raising my children, and my own garden, and a huge kitchen, and lots of space for entertaining.

--A destination wedding in the Philippines. While I am more than happy with the wedding plans that my fiancé and I have right now, it would be really amazing if we could married abroad, and in a place that means so much to me.

--Be a guest player on Critical Role *sobs*

11. If you had to dye your hair, what colour would you dye it?

I actually really want to try out a black/gray ombre look, but since I have really dark hair, I also don’t want to have to deal with the blonde, in-between stage that I’ll inevitably have to do lol

My favorite colors are blue and purple, so doing one of those colors would also be nice. But, again, I’d have to bleach my hair before it takes either colors, and I’m really hesitant on being blonde first.

[ieatsurveys]

32

Have you ever had a computer virus before?  Sure have.

Are you dependent upon anyone?  In one area, yes.

Are there any book characters you’d like to portray?  Nope.

Who did you last text?  My Dad.

Is there anything on your bed right now?  Lots of stuff.

When was the last time you went to the grocery store?  Last week.

What way would you like to die when it’s your time?  Quickly please.

What are you most afraid of in the world?  Lots of things.

Have you ever been caving? No, I wish, though.

Do you do well in math related things?  Not at all.

What is your favorite fruit? Grapes.

If you had to choose, which sibling would you live with?  My younger one.

Do you have any tattoos?  Nope.

Are you planning on getting any in the near future?  I want some in the future, yes.

When was your last date?  A while ago. I took a break to work on myself and to heal from my last boyfriend. But, I still talk to some guys I went on dates with. We aren’t close by any means, but we are on each other’s Facebook and we talk once in a while.

When did you get Facebook?  2006?

Are any of your family members in jail?  Nope.

What was your first pet’s name?  I think her name was Kayla.

Are you good when it comes to computer issues?  Eh, not really. I can tell if it’s a software or a hardware problem, though.

Are there any people at your job who absolutely hates you?  Oh, indeed. For dumb reasons, too. Haha. They hate most of the people at work, though. They’re the Karens of the workplace.

What was the last book you read?  I don’t even know.

Have you ever read any books in one day?  Yes.

What was the last thing you bought?  Sunflower seeds?

What are your plans for tomorrow?  Working and relaxing.

Is there any jewelry you wear constantly?  There is. Once I’m back to work work, though, I’ll have to take it off. I work with mentally ill kids and trust me, they WILL tear my jewelry off.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment?  Nope.

Do you prefer cool, warm or neutral colors?  I don’t know. I mean, cool colors look good on me.

Have you ever taken art classes?  Yes.

What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever seen? Many.

Do you know how to work a cash register? Yes.

Fact or fiction novels?  I read more fiction books.

Have you ever suffered from depression? Indeed.

Do you think you’re a clingy person?  I’m definitely not. 

Do you enjoy kisses on the cheek?  Yes.

Have you ever been in a physical fight before?  One.

How often would you say you disagree with your parents?  Too much, haha.

What color shirt did you wear yesterday?  I don’t even know.

Do you have a job? If so, do you like it? I do and not so much.

Have you ever been called a slut before?  Yep.

What’s something you’ve been craving?  Burgers.

Have you ever slept with your window open? Yes.

Can you play violin?  I cannot :(

What was the last desert you had?  Does a dark chocolate candy bar count?

Have you ever had a wild animal as a pet?  Sure haven’t.

Do you know anyone you talk to on Facebook but won’t talk to in person?  No, I don’t think so.

What color are your mother’s eyes? Brown.

Do you have a best friend? If so, how long have you been best friends?  I have a group of friends where we are all very close with each other. In fact, we’re doing a small get together on Saturday! <3

Do you cry easily? I don’t think so. I will cry if I am super triggered or really angry. I don’t really cry that easily when I am sad.

Have you ever been into a court room?  Yes.

How many necklaces would you say you own?  One.

Do you plan on being strict towards your children? Not as strict as my parents were on me, no. But, alas, that can change once I’m a parent.

Do you own any tie-dye shirts?  No.

What would you say is your favorite day of the week?  Friday or Saturday.

Do you ever wear lipstick? Yep.

Do you own a pool? My parents do.

Do you have a Tumblr account?  ....yes.

Would you say you’re overweight?  Oh, yeah.

How many colors are in your hair?  It’s a mix of reds, blondes, light browns, and dark browns. 

Do you flirt with a lot of people?  Nah.

How many bank accounts do you have?  One.

Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama?  Like, when I was 12.

How old are you?  31.

Do you attend church regularly? I’m trying to.

Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life?  I’ve found many songs which relate to particular areas of my life, yes.

What time did you wake up this morning?  6:30.

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning?  Who even knows at this point, haha.

What kind of car do you drive?  Sebring.

What kind of car would you like to have?  Any car that drives, haha.

Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there?  Yes, and I haven’t been there in years. A blizzard, though, hands down.

How old did you turn on your last birthday?  31. You already asked how old I was.

Ever felt like falling apart?  Who says I’m not right at the moment? Haha.

Have you ever been in an ambulance?  Yes.

Do you tend to worry a lot?  Yes.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth?  I can’t remember. Maybe 6?

Do you remember your first time on the internet?  Yes.

Which website do you email from?  Gmail.

Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Not so much.

Do you get angry with people easily?  Eh, it builds up. I guard a lot of my anger.

Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around?  I try to get along with everyone. If there’s people that don’t, that’s okay.

Have you ever had the flu?  Yes.

What about strep throat? Yes.

What would you say is the worst kind of emotional pain? I mean, emotional pain is pretty tough. 

Have you ever been to a psychologist? Indeed.

What’s the worst part about school?  All the homework, haha.

Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school?  I took one class at a time for my Bachelor’s online and finished in four years. It was alright. It wasn’t too overwhelming but definitely time consuming.

When was your last vacation? August?.

Would you ever consider going on a cruise?  Yes.

What did you last buy from the store? Groceries.

Would you say you enjoy being single or in a relationship more?  I’m single now and kinda hating it. I’m just fearful of really never finding someone.

Do you try to stay busy a lot?  Yes, but quarantine makes it hard.

What’s your favorite quote? I have several.

Do you lie a lot?  Not really.

Do you still act childish most of the time?  No.

Did you ever enjoy gym class?  I personally hate it.

What is your biggest insecurity?  My weight.

Have you ever painted a room alone? No.

Speaking of which, when did you last paint your room?  -

What does your favorite jacket / hoodie look like?  I don’t have a favorite jacket/hoodie.

What’s for dinner tonight?  I’m doing a cleanse today, so nada.

Do you ever drink alcohol? Yes.

Have you ever had a terrible hangover? Indeed. Lasted for two days straight.

Do you ever get migraines? Once in a while.

Do you know how to garden?  I mean, I know the seed goes into the ground haha.

What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet?  My phone charger.

Do people consider you to be a funny person? Yeah, I think so. I don’t know,

Do you have any bad habits? Depression makes me have bad habits. It’s so hard to overcome them.

Do you like children? If not, why is this?  Yep.

What is your favorite snack?  Goldfish.

Do you own any gaming systems? Nah.

How old were your parents when they had you?  In their 20s.

Is there a big age difference between you and the person you like?  There is no one.

Do you trashtalk people a lot? No.

What is the most amusing thing on the internet, in your opinion? Memes, GIFs.

Does the future excite you or scare you?  It scares me with my mental health. It excites but also scares me about my career.

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, once.

Do you try to spend a lot of time with family?  A healthy amount.

How often do you shower?  Well, with working, every day. But I’ll be the first to admit: Since quarantine has started, I definitely have not washed my hair, haha. But, I actually don’t wash my hair every day because it’s super oily.

What would you say is your favorite genre of music?  Eh, I guess you could say it’s EDM or indie rock.

Do you need to clean your bedroom?  Yes.

What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life?  Bleh, teaching.

Do you enjoy Chinese food? Yep.

Do you smile a lot?  Yes.

What is your favorite movie from the nineties?  *shrugs*

Which decade were you born in?  80s.

Are you good at giving advice to people?  I used to be :/

How many huge secrets do you have? I have two. One, I’ve never told.

How many people know these secrets?  Zero.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth?  Twice.

Do you ever floss? I try to do at night.

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?  Yes.

Ever considered suicide? If so, did you try to commit suicide? Yes and yes.

Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? Coworkers, haha.

Do you like texting or calling people more? Texting, usually.

What’s your favorite band? X Ambassadors.

Do you have a lot of friends? I have enough. <3 

Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it?  Nope.

Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I enjoy going out to eat, but I usually don’t unless a bunch of us are gonna grab drinks.

When did you last babysit, if ever?  2018.

Do you have any younger siblings?  Yes.

Have you ever thought of someone as useless? No, but I have thought of people as lazy when they’ve come in my classroom and sit on their asses.

Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? No.

Do you drink vitamin water?  Not regularly, no.

Do you ever straighten your hair? Nope, it’s already pretty straight.

What’s the best way to end a conversation?  Uh, bye?

Are there any old movies you absolutely love?  Yes.

Have you ever had a Big Mac before?  Yep.

Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate?  I mostly attract people I have no interest in, haha. --> Yep.

Where is your favorite place to travel? California to visit my niece <3

What is your goal for the next few months? Stay sane? --> Yes.

Can you count to ten in another language other than your own? Yes.

Do you own a lot of shoes?  Maybe 10 pairs of shoes. I’m sure that’s not a lot compared to other people.

What is your favorite season and why?  Everything except winter.

Does photography interest you at all?  Yep.

Have you ever played on a sports team before? If you have, what was that sport and when?  Yes and softball. Maybe 2002?

Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No.

Do you think you’re a good singer?  I know I’m not, haha.

Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? Jeans.

Do you think you have a good sense of style?  Yes.

Do you enjoy reading often?  Yep.

Have you ever had a deadly illness?  No.

Ever had food-poisoning before? Yeah.

Where did you last eat dinner at?  In my kitchen.

Have you ever shot a gun before?  Not a real gun, no.

[schaffas]

🖊 asuka and eran :0 ... and quin... hehehe

ricky, providing as usual... 

thats Two of my murder boys and one good one,,, one of the only ones.. under a cut bc i really am just going off, huh 

fffuuunnnyy story, asuka is actually (heavily) based on vhawks.. he’s the one that i slapped vhawks onto when i decided i liked him too much to keep him as a bnha rp character.. he does have a couple things changed abt him tho!!! #1 he Obviously doesn’t have wings and that... kind of does affect him Big Time aaand #2 his Tragic Backstory will be ... a lot better than hawks’ and also very different... 

i actually wanted to play with some of the dynamics that hawks has in the rp, so i do have characters that are loosely (looooosely... very loosely...) based off of people in his life.. im playing with the idea of putting danny in the younger brother position (kisses mono), particularly because i think it would be interesting to tie asuka into quin & rins arc (holy shit!) but i’ll talk abt that when i get to quin.. my baby... the loml... 

also G is definitely a character who came from me wanting to replicate someone in asukas life being above him and being someone they’re desperate for approval from among other things... except g spiralled the FUCK out of control and is now just a fucking mess and ... hoo.... hoooooooo.... i love them they’re.... HOO. . . i’ll talk abt them someday... 

eran is ,, stupid rich murder baby... there’s a few different parts of his family... he’s rins stupid idiot cousin, and rins area ISNT the most wealthy (because his fathers a fucking idiot)  but erans IIIISSSSSSS.... but i wont get into that because i don’t have it all sorted... 

my FAVOURITE eran fact is that he 100000% tries to at least significantly maim someone at every family reunion, and he always ALWAYS manages to start a fight. one year he starts one with one of my wonderful beautiful girls athena and gets his ass beat by her... that’s what he deserves. 

eran likes to be very high and mighty a lot... he has a big superiority complex and that would be FINE if he had traits to make it like... justifiable? he’s generally pretty average for the resources he had. yes he WAS academically successful, but also he had access to... all of the tutors and private lessons and private schools and private everything... all of it.. in the world. that was VERY MUCH expected of him, and he lived up to it, because he had to and he had nothing better to do. but aside from that he doesn’t have any particular talents? unless being an idiot counts? 

he’s disconnected emotionally unless it’s his emotions. like he can’t connect that he feels this anger so the other person feels the same anger. it doesn’t happen. and it makes him very..!! disconnected in every single way... i’m not sure if he even cares tho... he’s prolly just like :/ haha oh well, guess i’m just better than them because i’m not so over reactive..  his parents didn’t like it a whole lot because they figured he’d be the next successful leader but they didn’t want such a confused kid who didn’t understand peoples needs being the Leader... so they moved on to his siblings... of which i will some day figure out... altho he definitely has sisters.. i know that.

so, anyways, i made a WHOLE oc just for him to bond with, and that’s D and someday i might give him a name but atm i dont care enough. anyways, D surrounds himself with red neon signs and after they start Working Together, because erans bored and decides visiting ... big crime areas would be a good idea and it turns into a BIG FUCKING MESS, eran is like... exiled. and he whines for 5 minutes before turning around and going back to being to wonderful murder boy he was always meant to be... 

also he has bright red hair. 

and QUIN my baby boy, the light of my life, the wonderful beautiful kid, who has a name that switches rapidly between two n’s and one n, and also who bleaches his hair because he’s jsut so stupid... he never fixes his roots either... dumbass.

QUINS A BASKETBALL PLAYER, he’s big and tall and lanky and happy and !!! generally really pleasant ! he’s dannys best friend in the world and they’re In Gays or whatever, maybe, not really but IN SPIRIT.... 

he comes into the story Big Time because of involvement with Rin and his big thing with... doing whatever he’s doing idfk anymore.. but they are ??? a partnership of sorts. which is what makes having danny and asuka know each other interesting! D and G are both involved with each other, specifically because of clashing personalities and views and everything, and they hate each other SO FUCKING MUCH!!! and it’s just wonderful, they hang out a lot. so asuka and eran would, inevitably, end up meeting. of fucking course the entire family is widely known-when asuka meets eran it wouldn’t be a secret that he’s the family outcast (bro they have like 12 family namejshgfd) and he’d KNOW he’s related to rin, and then danny and quin would talk and they’ve just... got nice connections with each other...its sexy. (danny and quin knwing Lots of family secrets and how that’d mess w quins view on rin andddd... how rin would feel if he found out his perfect lil cohort was hanging out with his awful evil cousin.... oh yes.... )

anyways quin has a nice arc which i want to keep somehow where wings literally uhhh grow out of his back very very violently and its gory and gross and painful and it ruins him and idk how i’ll incorporate it but i’ll fucking do it! watch me! he’s perfect and has never done a single thing wrong in his life ever. 

[icouldbemoreclever]

I got tagged by @intothesun12 wooo!

1. How tall are you? 5′6″ but on my driver’s license they gave me an extra inch

2. What color and style is your hair? It’s bleached blonde growing out with dark blonde roots. It’s kind of like a mohawk but with the back part shaved off. The back of it is long enough that I can put it in a tiny ponytail and the front part is almost falling over my right eye. 3. What color are your eyes? Like a blueish grey colour, they look green sometimes.

4. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. But I wear contacts sometimes too.

5. Do you have braces? No, never have.

6. What is your fashion sense? Basically just lazy, most of the time. I wear a lot of vests. I have a thing for military-esque things and also stuff that looks like a 12 year old skater boy would wear. Also, shorts with tights.

7. Do you have any siblings? An older sister, and a younger brother and sister who are twins.

8. What kind of student are you? I’m that asshole who gets pretty good marks without really even trying. I don’t care that much about my grades but I always get everything in on time (well, during this round of college at least haha).

9. What are your favorite subjects? In highschool, I’d say art/english/creative writing. Also languages! Latin and Japanese have been my favourites so far. In my college classes right now I’ve actually really enjoyed my resource description and access (RDA) courses. Basically, it’s a cataloging language.

10. What are your favorite TV shows? Law and Order: SVU (still can’t give it up after all this time), The Expanse, classics like Friends and The Simpsons, Dragonball Z, and documentary shows.

11. Favorite Books? Les Miserables (it sounds pretentious but it’s true) The Dark Is Rising Sequence by Susan Cooper, Tamora Pierce’s books (particularly Wild Magic and Protector of the Small), The Demon’s Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan, Animist by Eve Forward, Kenneth Oppel’s books (particularly Silverwing and Dead Water Zone), The Unicorn Chronicles by Bruce Coville. Yeah I... like books...

12. Favorite pastime? Watching anime, pretty much. I also like being in nature!

13. Any regrets? WHAT KIND OF SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT, WOULD BASE A LIFE ON NO REGRETS?! I mean like... I try not to act like regretting something can somehow change what happened. But I do have regrets, to an extent.

14. What is your dream job?  Everyone leaving me alone. Actually in honesty, probably a writer (if I could actually get myself to write). I’d like something that’s not too much of a hassle to me but allows me to live comfortably.

15. Do you want to get married? I thought I did, but not so much anymore. Relationships of any kind are sort of... unreliable.

16. Do you want to have kids and how many? I don’t want to have kids because they’re too much work and you always gotta... care about them. Which sucks because caring about people on principle is not one of my strong suits. I’ve played with the idea of fostering when I’m older but at the same time it’s like... you still gotta maintain a relationship with them. Kind of a big commitment.

17. How many countries have you visited? Unless you count the country that I live in, only one. I went to Vermont and it’s surprisingly different than Ontario...

I’m gonna tag @cause-the-cat-is-dead and @inspirafun and @5intheam and @fortheloveof-gaia if they wanna do it.

[georgebenjiart]

NANOWRIMO

Okay, so I only got 2,599 words. lol. This is a story that I’ve been working on and crafting for 3 years now, with the help of my older sibling who isn’t on tumblr. At one point I had 10k long novella written out for it. There’s also a 2nd 10k long novella from another character’s perspective as well. This is most likely going to be the first chapter, and I’m sorry that it’s really rough. This story doesn’t have a name, but at one point it was known as How I Lived, so I’ll be referring to it as HIL until I decide on something better.

HIL-

(if you’d prefer the google doc link to read it, dm me)

Words- 2599

Summary- A world where your chest glows a color when you’re near your soulmate, Heath, a boy who doesn’t believe in soulmates, or love, gets the biggest surprise. (note: only about half of this is in the story so far lmao)

Story:

My brother always tells me that waiting is even better than the reward, but to that I say bullshit. That’s all we do, right? We just sit back and wait. We wait until it’s time to talk to our friends, we wait until it’s time to go to sleep, to wake up, to go to work, to go home. Loops and endless waiting. My brother will die on a hill claiming that the wait is the best part. Personally, I think he’s just looking for an explanation as to why he hasn’t found his soulmate yet.

--

Like clockwork, Mel knocks on my door at six-forty-five that morning and I’m out the door, a quick goodbye to Onus and my backpack swinging onto my shoulder.

“Alright, spill. Jungle Blitz 4 demo, promising or no?” Last night we were up on a voice call waiting for leaks of the newest demo of the next game in our favorite video game series. Mel had to go to bed before the demo dropped.

“Depends. Do you like good games or not?”

“Oh God. That bad?”

“Think Kingsley has a kid.”

“So… good then?”

“Continue thinking, Lane is canon.”

“Holy shitting fuck. No.”

“Yes.”

Mel squeals a little bit and I know she’s going to be smiling about this for the rest of the day. “I can't believe the audacity of them to release the demo on the first day of school.”

“Oh, come one, it was world wide, they didn’t do it just to spite you.”

“You don’t know that, Heath.” Mel wiggles her finger at me and I can’t tell if she’s completely serious or not.

We continue our conversation as we make our way to school and as we pass through the student parking lot, a group of jock-ish seniors slow their conversation to glare at me. Mel just kind of glances my way and we don’t say anything about it.

“Alright, your first period is Mr. Long in room 105? Algebra 1?” I flip my hair out of my eyes and Mel laughs just a little bit.

“Get a haircut, and yeah. Well, yeah and no. Mr. Long in room 105, yeah. But it’s for Algebra 2.”

“How in the- That’s… I’m only in geometry you smart bitch.”

“Yeah! Remember, I was ahead of you in middle school too.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I walk her to her class and hug her goodbye. “Good luck, sorry you’re like ten minutes early.”

“Eh, it’s the first day, who cares?” Mel shrugs and her jackets make a sound.

As soon as Mel enters her class, the first bell rings and I head to the stairs. On my way up, I spot a very confused and short freshman gripping their class schedule.

“You need help finding your first period?” I’m afraid my voice scared the poor kid.

“My.. My brother said that he would… he would walk me to my first period.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t… know.”

“I can help you in the meantime, can I walk you to you class?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay, coo. What’s your class?”

“Room 105.”

“Hey, I just walked my friend Mel there. She’s super nice, and a freshman like you.” I turn around and motion for them to follow me. “So what’s your name?” After a beat, “And pronouns.” They look very feminine, short bleached pigtails, blue tips, very big, bright blue eyes, a small button nose, and a thin pink jacket.

“Naomi.. And uh.. She/her.”

“Okay, cool. I’m Heath and I use he/him.” I smile at her, but she still looks like she’s ready to explode any second. “So what are you into? Do you play video games or anything?”

“Um… Kind of, not really.” We get to her class and I point at Mel, who is sitting at a table by herself.

“Go make sure Mel makes at least one friend, please.”

“Sure.. thing…” Naomi then rushes into the class, her tiny backpack bouncing with her.

When I finally get to my class, I choose a seat towards the back of the class, having not recognized any friendly faces in the crowd. My first four classes go by slowly, my teachers discuss silibi and give us “peer bonding” assignments to get to know the classmates we’ve known since freshman year. Lacking as that sounds, it’s still stressful and by the time I get to lunch, I’ve forgotten that Mel and I have the same lunch.

“Heath, I’ve been texting you. What the heck?” Mel sits down next to me, startling me from the astral plane my soul had traveled to.

“Oh, sorry, I was spacing out.” I check my phone, sure enough there’s five unread messages about lunch.

Then Naomi sits down next to Mel and gives me a little wave.

“Hey, you have lunch with us!” That gets a simple smile from Naomi. I pull a piece of bread from my backpack and begin to chow down.

“You cannot be serious.” Mel glares at me, her glasses slipping down her nose.

“What?” I ask, my mouth full.

“That’s your lunch?” Mel has pulled out a sandwich and soda can, while Naomi has a bag of chips and a salad.

“Yeah. I slept in this morning and Onus forgot to make me lunch.”

“Oh for christ’s sake, here,” Mel pulls out a second sandwich from her bag and hands it to me.

“Ohoho, thank you!” I kiss Mel’s hand begin to chow down a second time.

Just then, a loud bang sounds and we look over from our cafeteria table near the double doors, to see none other than Ronnie fucking Yule, their face pressed against the glass. “Let me in bro,” they mouth.

“Who’s that?” Mel asks.

“Ronnie, they’re in our discord server. You’ve talked to them before.” I open the door for then and they join us at our four-person table.

“My little brotato chips, what is cracking?” I can just feel the cringe radiating off of Naomi and I’d be lying if I said the only reason why I wasn’t cringing as well was because I love Ronnie with my entire fucking heart.

“Not much, just my bones.” And then I crack my neck.

“Oh, yucky. Hey, who’re you, you little carraromo?” Ronnie is talking more so at Naomi, rather than with her. That’s just a thing that they tend to do tho.

“I’m N-Naomi.”

“Sweet! Hey, so say you’re not just Naomi, but also a sister. Would you be having a brother who is on the football team?”

“Uh… Yes…?”

At this point in the conversation I’ve spaced out again and only really care about my sweet sandwich. I wait for lunch to end. Then I wait for the day to be over and I walk home with Mel.

I ask her if she plans on joining any clubs, she says no. I ask her what she thought of Naomi, she tells me Naomi is pretty cool so far. I ask her how her day went, apparently okay. I ask her if she wants to hang out at my house to play Jungle Blitz, she says yes.

My house isn’t much to look at, to be fair I’m surprised we still have it. It’s a mobile home, and a very homely one at that. It’s painted a perfect suburban beige on the outside, and a sickly sweet yellow on the inside. Our kitchen and livingroom are mostly connected, but there’s still a breakfast bar separating the two. We have fairly lights up in the living room year round because one reason or another when Onus and I were younger. The house always smells like either musty old books or whatever was most recently cooked, usually pancakes or spaghetti.

I sprawl out on the couch, Mel takes her place on the floor, leaning back on the couch, and she starts playing the third Jungle Blitz game. “I need one of the achievements still.” I fall in and out of sleep, watching Mel play. We hold a running commentary on events of the game, events which I am so well in tune with that I’m able to talk about them in my sleep apparently.

Mel leaves after a few hours, and I’m free to sort out the stack of silibi and other assorted papers I need my mom to sign. I leave them on the couch and I head to bed.

The next day of school is the first day of one of the three clubs I’m a part of (I know, social butterfly Heath), which is the first thing Onus informs me of when he hands me the stack of papers my mom signed sometime during the night. The next thing he tells me is that he’s made pancakes. I’m out of bed, ready for school and pounding my fists on the table within the next four minutes.

“Calm down, bro. I have a headache.” Onus serves me the pancakes and it takes everything in my not to eat the plate with the pancakes. “Didn’t put butter on-” I take a bite out of the stick of butter on the breakfast bar. “No. No, jesus christ, not this early in the morning you fucking gremlin.”

“Awugh c’mon O-nie,” I spit some crumbs his way and he rubs his temples.

“How old are you? Six or sixteen?”

“As if a six year old could be as funny as me.”

“Fucking Hell.”

“I have club today?”

“Chew your goddamn food. Yes, you have GSA today. Tomorrow you have DnD.” Onus reaches into his backpack haphazardly lain on the kitchen counter to pull out a textbook and a bunch of papers.

“What- that?” I swallow my food between words.

“Just some biomed bullshit. Doesn’t really matter.”

“Ah.” Just as he spreads his papers out to start working on them, there’s a knock at the door, and I’m stuffing my papers in my messenger bag and sprinting out the door, tugging shoes on as I run.

“Guess who got breakfast this morning!” I brag.

“You, for once?” Mel yawns and clearly would rather be in bed.

“Haha! Onus is the bestest brother in whole entire wide world ever!”

Mel yawns in agreement.

Similarly to yesterday, when we pass through the parking lot, the group of seniors hanging around some small sports-ish car all stare at us, mostly me, and glare. One of them laughs a little bit. When I glance over, usually I ignore them, I realize that I do, in fact, recognise most of them. The one laughing is Calvin James.

Calvin James sure is a character, or something like that. I’ve never spoken to him, but I’m certain he’s spoken about me. Not that his friends are horrible and the worst people in the whole world, but they sure don’t like any of the trans kids who go to school here. Including me. And probably Mel is they ever get close enough to her to know that.

“I need a haircut still,” I whine as we enter the school. Calvin James is the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. “This sucks!” I flip my hair out of my eyes and my glasses almost fly off my face.

“Get one then.”

“I need Onus to take me, but he’s busy with, like, adult stuff or some shit.” When we get to Mel’s class I walk in and sit with her at her table.

“Do you think my parents could take you?”

“Um… Maybe?” I think about this for a moment. “Wait- new topic, are you going to GSA today? Please say yes. You have to say yes or I’ll cry.”

“Bitch.”

“Fucker.” We makes hearts with our hands to really get the fact that we actually hate each other across.

While we’re having our chat, Naomi joins and we welcome her, there’s a brief exchange in which Mel agrees to go to the club after school today, only if Naomi goes too and Naomi agreed to because it beats just watching the football team practice while she waits for her brother to drive her home.

I only get a few complaints from teachers about the crumpled papers, it’s mostly just jokes though. At lunch, Ronnie joins us again.

“Heath, you need a snake?” Ronnie offers an applesauce cup to me and I oh so humbly accept it from them.

All but inhaling the applesauce, it’s gone sooner than anyone can start a new conversation. As I slam the empty applesauce cup onto the table, a group of preppy-adjacent freshman girls pass by us and sicker to each other, pointing at Naomi.

“I can beat them up for you,” I offer, wiping applesauce from my face.

“Haha, n… no. That’s not… needed.” I’m just now realizing that Naomi might not be stuttering from anxiety and she might actually just have a stutter.

“If you say so.” I shrug my shoulders and start a conversation with Ronnie about our Dungeons and Dragons characters, before moving on to talk about how GSA is meeting after school.

After lunch, my next three classes are boring and nothing particularly happens in them. At the end of the day, I head back to my art class where GSA meets.

“Hey Heath!” I’m greeted by Jae, who is in conversation with a freshman, who must me new this year.

“‘Sup.” I start moving some of the tables together so there’s a large table for about twelve people to sit around. “We’ll be starting soon, probably. Take your seats, please.” Jae and the freshman sit down at the other end of the table, soon Ronnie joins, then three small freshman, then Mel and Naomi. “Okay, we’ve got mostly everyone who will be showing up today, and it’s about time to start.” We start with check ins, which consists of stating your name and your pronouns?

“I’m Heath, this club’s president, and I use he/him pronouns.”

“Ronnie, I’m the vice president, they/them.”

“Mel, she/her.”

“Naomi, she/her.”

“Christian, he/him.” The freshman with Jae.

“Jae, the secretary, he/him and they/them.”

“Felicity, she/her.” One of the three freshmen.

“Alex, she/her.” The next freshman.

“Kali, she/her.” The last freshman.

“Okay, thanks for coming, everyone, today we’re just gonna set some stuff up for the rest of the year…”

The meeting goes well enough, the three freshmen mostly just whisper and giggle to each other, but other than that nothing goes wrong. I walk home with Mel after the club and I eat dry cereal out of the box as I do homework in the living room.

Mom doesn’t come back home that night, and I feel sorry about how many hours she’s currently working.

*

The next morning goes business as usual, except for the fact that I didn’t get any sleep at all. Onus arrives at the house, makes me a pancake, packs me a lunch and does does homework while I get ready for school. I leave the house with Mel, we walk through the school parking lot.

“School parking lot” is where things deviate from business as usual. As we’re walking by the regular group of jock-adjacent kids, they snicker at me and I turn to them.

“You’re just gonna do that everyday, huh?” I shout. The morning is bright, cool and the perfect time to throw some hands.

“Keep walking, girl,” one of the guys, a taller, lankier one, who isn’t even facing my direction just kind of shouts back out of the side of his mouth.

“Keep laughing, asshat.” I tiptoe my way towards them, and I can feel Mel plant herself in the pavement.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

I’m A Woman Who Has It All, Here’s How I Get It Done Every Day (I’m Dying Inside)

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/im-a-woman-who-has-it-all-heres-how-i-get-it-done-every-day-im-dying-inside/

I’m A Woman Who Has It All, Here’s How I Get It Done Every Day (I’m Dying Inside)

rawpixel.com

I am a successful career woman with 2.5 kids and a husband who doesn’t resent me for my busy schedule and am also 25 but still can party and am hot. HOW do I do it? How do I have it all!?

Ladies, here are my secrets:

For one thing, I am miserable all the time. Cheers to that, am I right? Ah, there’s really nothing like waking up in the morning and dreading the rest of your existence. And I do it every day! It is SO vital to stick to a routine.

I rise at 6:00AM EST every morning without fail, because I have insomnia and stomach ulcers and feel like dying all the time so who cares about REM cycles! Then I kiss my adoring and super handsome husband and swallow the urge to lash out at him because I’ve been suppressing my emotions since 2007. He loves me exactly for who I make him think I am.

I need to have ice cold water with freshly squeezed lemon. It doesn’t do anything, but it sort of gives off the illusion that I am holding it together well. I’d drink bleach if it meant that I’d never age!

I do pilates. I know what you’re thinking: What’s even the point? We’re all just a bag of bones and when the robot overlords take over, they’re not going to care who took pilates classes (I think?). I mean, if you really think about it, do I have a genuine purpose on this planet anymore or am I just trying to do everything everyone else expects of me? Haha! Am I whining again? I HAVE IT ALL, I AM BETTER THAN YOU.

I haven’t felt anything, both physically and emotionally, in 14 years.

Following pilates, I will do yoga. I smile through the agony of knowing that my parents still aren’t proud of me, which is something I always think about whenever I have a moment in silence. I really hate silence. Can’t be left alone with my thoughts, haha! NAMASTE, I AM AMAZING!

I have avocado toast for breakfast. Sometimes I will drink the blood of my enemies (stay-at-home moms, anyone who genuinely loved Marie Kondo’s book, any woman who is younger and hotter than me). As I’m eating, I extract a small part of my soul and Venmo it to Satan himself. Ladies, you can’t have it all unless you are literally working with the devil! Someone make it stop.

I massage thousands of dollars’ worth of beauty products into my tired, sagging flesh. I smile in my vanity mirror as I do this, showing off my fake, perfect teeth. I have fake teeth because I ground my real ones down to the gum from stress. It was for the best, because NOW I HAVE IT ALL.

My husband finally rises and demands breakfast. I make him and my 2.5 genetically flawless children a magnificent feast. As I’m cooking, I also solve 19 different problems my company needs fixing. I spend most of my time multitasking running a company I invented, raising my 2.5 kids, and training for a triathlon I’m doing to raise money for charity. Exhausted reading that? I literally want to die.

For lunch, I just gulp down some air. I sit at my Powerful Woman Office Desk and take a moment to really inhale aggressively. If I’m not hot, then what’s the point? I do a sheet mask and then put out some fires. Both literal and metaphorical.

My organs are shutting down.

The rest of the afternoon is dedicated to Business. I look so good in a pantsuit. I am taken seriously! I inject youth serums into my veins in the women’s bathroom before big meetings. I can’t remember the last time I blinked. My mouth tastes like blood a lot of the time.

Before making dinner, I like to cocoon myself in cashmere. I got myself a cashmere straightjacket that I wear for about an hour in a special room in my beautiful, expensive house that I bought, so that I can sob hysterically without trying to rip my face off.

After dinner and mandatory family bonding so that my children grow up with vivid memories of how well I raised them, I put everyone to bed. I stare out my giant window, thankful for all that I’ve accomplished. Which is everything. My eye twitches. Soon, at dawn, I will have to do it all over again. See!? You CAN have it all!

[foursprout-blog]

I’m A Woman Who Has It All, Here’s How I Get It Done Every Day (I’m Dying Inside)

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/im-a-woman-who-has-it-all-heres-how-i-get-it-done-every-day-im-dying-inside/

I’m A Woman Who Has It All, Here’s How I Get It Done Every Day (I’m Dying Inside)

rawpixel.com

I am a successful career woman with 2.5 kids and a husband who doesn’t resent me for my busy schedule and am also 25 but still can party and am hot. HOW do I do it? How do I have it all!?

Ladies, here are my secrets:

For one thing, I am miserable all the time. Cheers to that, am I right? Ah, there’s really nothing like waking up in the morning and dreading the rest of your existence. And I do it every day! It is SO vital to stick to a routine.

I rise at 6:00AM EST every morning without fail, because I have insomnia and stomach ulcers and feel like dying all the time so who cares about REM cycles! Then I kiss my adoring and super handsome husband and swallow the urge to lash out at him because I’ve been suppressing my emotions since 2007. He loves me exactly for who I make him think I am.

I need to have ice cold water with freshly squeezed lemon. It doesn’t do anything, but it sort of gives off the illusion that I am holding it together well. I’d drink bleach if it meant that I’d never age!

I do pilates. I know what you’re thinking: What’s even the point? We’re all just a bag of bones and when the robot overlords take over, they’re not going to care who took pilates classes (I think?). I mean, if you really think about it, do I have a genuine purpose on this planet anymore or am I just trying to do everything everyone else expects of me? Haha! Am I whining again? I HAVE IT ALL, I AM BETTER THAN YOU.

I haven’t felt anything, both physically and emotionally, in 14 years.

Following pilates, I will do yoga. I smile through the agony of knowing that my parents still aren’t proud of me, which is something I always think about whenever I have a moment in silence. I really hate silence. Can’t be left alone with my thoughts, haha! NAMASTE, I AM AMAZING!

I have avocado toast for breakfast. Sometimes I will drink the blood of my enemies (stay-at-home moms, anyone who genuinely loved Marie Kondo’s book, any woman who is younger and hotter than me). As I’m eating, I extract a small part of my soul and Venmo it to Satan himself. Ladies, you can’t have it all unless you are literally working with the devil! Someone make it stop.

I massage thousands of dollars’ worth of beauty products into my tired, sagging flesh. I smile in my vanity mirror as I do this, showing off my fake, perfect teeth. I have fake teeth because I ground my real ones down to the gum from stress. It was for the best, because NOW I HAVE IT ALL.

My husband finally rises and demands breakfast. I make him and my 2.5 genetically flawless children a magnificent feast. As I’m cooking, I also solve 19 different problems my company needs fixing. I spend most of my time multitasking running a company I invented, raising my 2.5 kids, and training for a triathlon I’m doing to raise money for charity. Exhausted reading that? I literally want to die.

For lunch, I just gulp down some air. I sit at my Powerful Woman Office Desk and take a moment to really inhale aggressively. If I’m not hot, then what’s the point? I do a sheet mask and then put out some fires. Both literal and metaphorical.

My organs are shutting down.

The rest of the afternoon is dedicated to Business. I look so good in a pantsuit. I am taken seriously! I inject youth serums into my veins in the women’s bathroom before big meetings. I can’t remember the last time I blinked. My mouth tastes like blood a lot of the time.

Before making dinner, I like to cocoon myself in cashmere. I got myself a cashmere straightjacket that I wear for about an hour in a special room in my beautiful, expensive house that I bought, so that I can sob hysterically without trying to rip my face off.

After dinner and mandatory family bonding so that my children grow up with vivid memories of how well I raised them, I put everyone to bed. I stare out my giant window, thankful for all that I’ve accomplished. Which is everything. My eye twitches. Soon, at dawn, I will have to do it all over again. See!? You CAN have it all!