#blackgirlcoven

[sazvariboy]

#Repost @jujuwebseries • • • • • • 🚨 TODAY IS THE LAST DAY!! 500+ people believe in our vision for season two of @jujuwebseries! Thank you so much for believing in our project.⁣ ⁣ We need at least 500 more people to back our project. If we don't make our goal by 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟒𝐭𝐡, we 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 get funded. ⁣ ⁣ 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐈𝐎.⁣ ⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #coven #beyonce #rihanna #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #youtube #crowdfunding #seedandspark #thephotograph #womeninfilm #femalefilmmaker #directher #ava #scifi #indiefilmmakers https://www.instagram.com/p/B9Ur3S8FU4h/?igshid=1gj750e7c8e85

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

Dear Black Girl: You Are Nobody’s Hostage Dear Black Girl, Have you ever seen someone in a relationship, and you can tell they don’t want to be there? Every time they have to go home or be somewhere with their significant other, they look like they’d rather eat dirty seafood off the kitchen floor of a dingy strip mall. Their eyes reflect the desperate hopelessness of a prisoner of war. And you can just feel them hoping that someone would rescue them from their plight. That—is a willing hostage. Someone who is able to leave their circumstances (even though it might be difficult), but chooses not to. I know because I was raised by one. Yep, in a moment of true transparency, I’ll tell you that my mom is one of these so-called hostages. I won’t diminish the hardships that women face in leaving relationships. For example, women that have children are faced with custody issues as well as the possible financial hardships that come along with losing half of a household’s income. In horrible, but unfortunately frequent circumstances, their very lives and even the lives of their children are endangered by a vengeful ex-lover. That being said, I wonder if many of these women didn’t see some red flags before their relationship progressed to the point of living together, marriage, or children. My mom certainly did, but to her, denial was nothing more than a river in Egypt. Here’s a piece of advice she gave me, courtesy of Oprah Winfrey: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Truer words have never been spoken. (Pass the collection plate!) Girl, listen—I am neither Nancy Drew nor Sherlock Holmes. I will not investigate your words and spend hours analyzing your past relationship ended badly and how that correlates to you treating me like garbage juice. No ma’am. Not I. Not in this year of our Lord. I refuse to write a speech, plan a press conference, or devise a marketing presentation to explain why a man says what he says. I will simply believe him. And why shouldn’t I? If he’s telling the truth, then he saved both of us time and I can make an informed decision on whether I want to continue the relationship. If he’s not being vocal about his intentions or feelings after I’ve asked, then either he’s not emotionally mature enough to be in this relationship or he’s playing games—either way, not my loss. If someone tells you their plan and vision for their life—believe them. You CANNOT change another person, and if you’re honest with yourself, why would you want to? So, if you meet a cool dude, and you let him know from the get-go that you want to get married, and he says that he’s not ready to be with one person or that he’s not ready for that level of commitment—BELIEVE him, girl!! Please don’t let him have you out here thinking that you can get him to change his mind. And don’t take that as a personal challenge. “Girl, this man loves me, and eventually he gonna come around to my point of view and want to be married just like me.” NO baby girl, chances are he’s not. Why? Because he’s a person with goals, dreams, and plans for his life just like you. The same way you want to get married, is the same way he wants to be single and free. And he’s being honest with you—he didn’t lie and say he does when he doesn’t so accept that honesty as a blessing and leave this man alone. It’s too easy to find somebody who wants what you want; you do not have to settle. Can I say that one more time for the people in the back? Nobody can take you on a ride if you don’t get in the car. You are not a hostage or a victim.

[sazvariboy]

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Y'all, go and support shows with spirit folk that LOOK LIKE US!!!! (and it's DAMN binge worthy, I'm addicted!!) #Repost @jujuwebseries • • • • • • 🐺 Kyle - our werewolf from the Lowcountry Region of South Carolina. He's a descendant of the first Geechee people. ⁣ ⁣ In season two, we want to dive deeper into his 𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩.⁣ ⁣ Pledge now to keep Kyle's story going. Link in bio.⁣ ⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #coven #beyonce #rihanna #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #youtube #crowdfunding #seedandspark #teenwolg #womeninfilm #werewolf #femalefilmmaker #directher #ava #scifi #indiefilmmakers https://www.instagram.com/p/B8rprq2FzMT/?igshid=zmcrtpib36fn

[sazvariboy]

#Repost @jujuwebseries • • • • • • We worked so hard to give our audience stellar. We want to continue doing so. 🙌🏽⁣ ⁣ We have 𝟔 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 left to hit our goal. A series of Black supernaturals. ✨⁣ ⁣ Our own mystic tale. Let's keep the magic alive. 🙏🏽⁣ ⁣ LINK THEIR BIO! ⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #coven #beyonce #rihanna #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #youtube #crowdfunding #seedandspark #thephotograph #womeninfilm #femalefilmmaker #directher #ava #scifi #indiefilmmakers https://www.instagram.com/p/B9FlJKDFxqi/?igshid=1lie8cunohugu

[sazvariboy]

#Repost @jujuwebseries @download.ins --- #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #coven #beyonce #rihanna #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #youtube #crowdfunding #seedandspark #thephotograph #womeninfilm #femalefilmmaker #directher #ava #scifi #indiefilmmakers https://www.instagram.com/p/B8z_J2bF-sc/?igshid=hzfhu0njrpry

[sazvariboy]

#Repost @jujuwebseries • • • • • • 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞.⁣ ⁣ We take pride in representing different cultures and traditions in positive light. We want to keep doing so.⁣ ⁣ Donate to something great -- 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥.⁣ ⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackhistorymonth #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #coven #beyonce #rihanna #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #youtube #crowdfunding #seedandspark #thephotograph #womeninfilm #oya #femalefilmmaker #directher #ava #scifi #indiefilmmakers https://www.instagram.com/p/B8ouM1SFlhu/?igshid=2uh4dpzse4c8

[sazvariboy]

This is a WONDERFUL SERIES. I've donated, share and like this as much as you can. This is one of the few BEAUTIFUL and Dynamic representations of spirited sisters and brothers. We MUST support project like this that paint us as a wonderful asset to spirit and the universe. This is OUR 'Charmed'..... #Repost @jujuwebseries • • • • • • 21 days left to raise $42K! If we don’t at least 80% of our goal, then we get 𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐒. ⁣ Sisterhood is one of the most important themes we cover! Help us continue to tell this story. Link in bio. #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackwitchhistory #blackhistorymonth #spookyszn #blackgirlcoven #oshun #nycactors #blackwitchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #beyonce #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #subscribe #youtube #hulu #netflix #creatives #Creators #crowdfunding #seedandspark #Blackcreatives #womenfilmmakers⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/B8ewWBrlRKI/?igshid=2bby5zaf1dpa

[sazvariboy]

I loved #trueblood so much! // #10 • Lafayette Reynolds ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackwitchhistory #blackhistorymonth #spookyszn #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #halloween #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #subscribe #youtube #hulu #netflix #creatives #Creators #crowdfunding #seedandspark #Blackcreatives #womenfilmmakers⁣ #trueblood https://www.instagram.com/p/B8c6BtflfRq/?igshid=le0svq516qlt

[sazvariboy]

REPOSTED @jujuwebseries // #1 • Epiphany Proudfoot⁣ ⁣ We are starting #BlackWitchHistory with this vodun priestess played by Lisa Bonet. ⁣ ⁣ #jujuwebseries #witchszn #blackwitchhistory #blackhistorymonth #spookyszn #blackgirlcoven #blackwitchesofinstagram #spiritualblackgirls #witches #halloween #webseries #supernatural #horrornoire #afrofantasy #subscribe #youtube #hulu #netflix #creatives #Creators #crowdfunding #seedandspark #Blackcreatives #womenfilmmakers⁣ https://www.instagram.com/p/B8FPFWSFcs_/?igshid=1nrdfx32d32dx

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

My time... My space.. My puzzle.. I’m a 26 year old single black woman. As of late, I feel like I’ve reached the age where people are looking at me and wondering why I’m still single. That thought is confirmed when people start to ask me why I’m single or if I want to get married and have children. “Of course I do. It just isn’t my time.” Is always the answer I chirp out. Then I get by myself and I think when will it be my time? I definitely don’t want to be single anymore. I’ve been single almost four years. My last relationship was a complete disaster but I’ve learned and healed from that. I’ve had a couple of guys come into my life and I felt that my waiting may have been over. Each time, they turned out not to be the one I had been waiting and praying for. And each time it got a little more disappointing and my heart got a little heavier. I see my friends start to get into relationships with seemingly great guys. They start to get engaged and married and start popping out babies. I’m extremely happy for them but I can’t help but feel heaviness and a twinge of loneliness. Because here I sit. With wine and Netflix on a Saturday night. Single as a damn dollar bill. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being single. It definitely has its advantages. I can come and go as I please. I can do whatever I’d like without the worry of upsetting someone or having to argue. I can sleep like a baby at night knowing I’m not being cheated on or lied to. I have my peace of mind. Which is absolutely amazing. But I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t want to be “just Chele” anymore. I want my other half. I want to be someone’s other half. I want to make plans and travel and binge watch shows together, pray together, and share random moments of my day with someone. I want someone I can grow with, talk to about whatever, someone who knows me so well they can complete my sentences. I want LOVE. I want to be IN LOVE. I mean, heart skipping a beat, stupid, ridiculous, big grin, butterflies in my stomach when I see his face, in love. I think I deserve that. I think everyone who desires it deserves that. So why in the hell is it so freaking hard to find? Why is it that I keep running into men who only want sex? The men who aren’t looking for anything too serious. Men who want to do all the things a relationship entails but they don’t want to put a label on it. Men who can’t hold a conversation past “damn, you got a fat ass.” Why do I keep running into men who would love to use my car all day so they can ride around while I’m at work from 8-5? Men who are 29 with two kids and still chasing dreams of being a rap superstar? Dating is hard. It’s exhausting and in this day and age it feels pointless. I’m discouraged, y’all. It feels like I’m NEVER going to meet someone who’s worth building a future with. Now this is where I have to take a step back and do some soul searching. Look in the mirror and check myself. Is it me or them? Am I so deeply flawed that all the men I meet feel like I’m the one not worth building with? I can admit that I’ve made poor choices about men and relationships in the past, but that’s another post for another day. I have no problem ever admitting my shortcomings. I’m selfish, I can be hateful, moody, have a filthy mouth and depending on how I feel at a certain time on a certain day, I may not want to be bothered. I could go on with that list but the point is, I’m flawed. Just like any other human being with a pulse. So what’s the problem? Am I too picky? For example, I’m not really attracted to short men. I’m told that that’s my problem, because I shouldn’t have an issue dating a short man since I’m only 5’2 myself. To those people I politely ask to shut the fuck up. Nobody can tell my grown ass what I should like and dislike. Maybe I am too picky and shallow, but shouldn’t I be attracted to the person I want to potentially spend the rest of my life with? I say yes. I was told I should be more open to try different things such as dating outside my race. Cool. I’m down with the swirl. Then I get called a cracker lover and told that I’m betraying my race. At this point I take a moment to thank God that I don’t give a hot damn what anybody thinks or feels about the decisions I make when it comes to my life. But as flawed as I am, I still don’t feel like I should have to settle. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they were settling for me. I feel like it’s necessary to be selective when it comes to who I want to be with. I want a man who has goals and dreams and wants to build a stable future. I feel like there’s nothing wrong with wanting a man who has no children so we can experience parenthood together for the first time. Why should I just pluck any ashy off the street all for the sake of saying “well at least I got a man.” NO! That’s not how any of this should work! It’s insane! At times I feel like I’m being punished for wanting the best for myself. I just want to be happy. Truly happy. I want everything life has to offer. In all of this reflecting, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the problem. All this time, I’ve been missing a MAJOR key. I can’t do anything about any of these men not being where I am in this journey called life. I can’t force anyone to be with me or want what I want. However, what I can do is take a step back and realize that right now, I need to get myself together. I need to become the best version of myself while I’m single. I need to learn how to grow and navigate through everything by myself. I need to stop worrying about when and how I’m going to find someone. It’ll come when it’s my time. I just need to be patient. I need to build a stronger connection with God because regardless of my “I want it NOW” attitude, I shouldn’t want ANYTHING more than I want a relationship with Him. This entire time I’ve been trying to find something that I need to find within myself FIRST. Peace. I can’t properly be someone’s other half unless I fix the hot mess that I am first. I’m letting go of the discouragement, pointless efforts and negative feelings. I’m embracing patience and peace. My puzzle will fall into place.

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

"I'm working on myself." A response formerly familiar to me as an excuse, became my motto. I would accredit this change in behavior to motherhood and terrible relationships and even more terrible decisions. Through it all, I've never lost myself. I feel that I owe it to myself to heal every part of me. Because nearly all of what I've been through was self inflicted, I try my best to prioritize me. To ensure that I never make those mistakes again, my mind has to be in the right place. I must be well. However, I'm learning that with wellness comes sacrifice. I've sacrificed artificial friendships, a corporate job, and meaningless relationships to love on myself. I've come to the realization that no one will love me like I will. So the way I've learned to cope with what most would feel I've been missing, is to love on myself extra hard. From the things I put in my body to my surroundings, I have begun to honor myself and all that I want or need. With all this goodness comes readiness. I am ready to give what I have to a man that can really feel it. Someone who's been preparing himself for love. Someone who wants to love me with me. Overall, someone ready to feel what I am giving. Because I don't know exactly how long I'll be "working on myself", I want someone loving me loving myself, and enjoy the journey with me. Somehow, I don't think of this as selfish. I feel that the person that I am with should love themselves and learn themselves just as I am. I've learned that being in love doesn't mean spending every minute together, but it's appreciating every minute that goes by that the one you love is on your mind. When someone lives in your (positive) thoughts, then love is already obvious. That's what I want and I'm willing to wait for it.. I can keep myself company :) - A Growing Rose 🌹 (@JunipeROSE)

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

Dear Black Girl: You Can’t Pick Your Family but You Can Pick Your Friends Dear Black Girl: I am friends with an older woman (an extension of sisterhood, like aunt-hood, lol) who is divorced. Long story short, she caught her husband having an affair, and he left her to be with the other woman. To add insult to injury, he actually bought his mistress a house, using some of the money that should have been split with his wife. Now, you know karma is real because the same woman he left his wife ended up leaving him and marrying another man—all while living in the house he bought for her. Furthermore, the husband jeopardized over 20 years in the military, including the opportunity to be honorably discharged and keep his pension and education G.I. bill to have this affair. (If you don’t know, service people in the U.S. armed forces can be court martialed for adultery.) Fast forward a couple of years, and the husband reaches back out to his ex-wife. In the midst of him trying to reconnect with her, there’s a freak accident at his elderly grandmother’s house and he ends up being HORRIFICALLY burned. Now, I’ll be honest with you. If I were her, as he told me that sad story (if I ever answered his call in the first place), I would have silently thanked karma for kicking his behind and then threw him a “be blessed” as I went to lunch with my new boyfriend. On the real... However, in whatever strange realm of reality my friend previously lived, she decided she would take care of him. Like, move into his apartment, settle his bills, change his bandages, and drive him to his doctor’s appointments TAKE CARE OF HIM. In case you were thinking this would turn into the plot of a Tyler Perry movie where the ex-husband realized the error of his ways and begins to heal physically and emotionally, leading to their ultimate reconnection—you would be extremely wrong. In fact, when the ex-husband had healed, he asked her to move out because she was “cramping his style”. I don’t even have the words to articulate the evil I would have unleashed on this man. I might have set him back on fire. But I digress. Anyway, last week in a freak cooking accident, my friend burnt her arms in a grease fire. But, my question is: Do you think the ex-husband even considered doing anything for her? Even knowing he was in the EXACT same circumstance and she moved heaven and hell to help him? No. But you already knew that. The people who were there for her throughout her marriage, separation, and this latest accident were her girlfriends. Y’all, it is SO important to have a strong sisterhood around you. Your girls keep you grounded. They tell you the truth—whether you want to hear it or not. They constantly remind you of your goals and check you as soon as they see you straying or struggling. But even when you do make dumb decisions (against their advice), they are still there to love you, help you and ride that struggle bus right along with you. One honest friend is worth their weight in gold, and you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. So, I want to leave you with this. Because women and black women, specifically, are characterized for being catty, petty and not having each other’s backs. And maybe that strategy works when you’re on the Real Housewives of Wherever, but in reality, we need each other because together we are stronger. We cannot fight as black women. Be willing to listen to good, honest advice. Everybody is not jealous of you, boo. We are sisters, and we gotta look out for each other. NOBODY is out here looking out for us except for us. Women can dislike each other (not and never over a man) but shouldn’t let that get in the way of elevating each other. ~Brandi

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

Marriage - 7 months and counting I grew up watching my mom get her face kissed by a man’s fist whose ring she wore proudly around her finger. I grew up watching my brothers change woman in their sheets as if being with one woman was a sin. I self consciously held my big sister many of nights. I would hear the stories of how she’d shove her finger down her throat so that her nail polish would flirt with her gag reflex and she could throw up to be what the one person who was supposed to love her idea of what size beautiful was.. So marriage to me? I was terrified! I didn’t want to play any part in commitment, but then.. (So cliché) I met my husband and stuff kicked in. He has the kindest eyes, a smile that makes you want to love him forever, personality, and his sex.. Listen, his sex- is the Lord’s way of telling me I’m forgiven for all my sins. Yes! I won’t say that marriage isn’t work. I won’t say that my marriage is perfect! You know that moment you’re having sex and he asks “who it’s for” and you say “it’s yours” and you’re telling the truth! That’s the happiness of marriage and I will say I’m very happy.. My body count don’t owe me nothing.. So I don’t feel being 24 and married is too young.. I’ve experienced so much in my years-I’m blessed beyond measure to have a husband that’s my best friend. We have been married for 7 months now and maybe we’re still honeymooning but I’m going to enjoy this high! I’m striving to keep every failing marriage buried under my doubts and focus on my family, my goals, and have lots and lots of sex (lol)! -Calligraphy

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

Hello world!

I’d like to briefly introduce myself. My name is Brittany Eve and I am a black girl with magic.

When I was presented the opportunity to write for Black Girl Coven, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say; it had to be relevant, inspirational and show a little bit of me all at once. I wanted to share something that represents every woman of color and sheds light on the impeccable beings we are. Here I am sharing and there you are reading.

In 2015, the hashtag, #BlackGirlMagic, took over the internet. Beautiful pictures of WOC and uplifting words bombarded social media across the globe. And I LOVED IT! Everyone commented with their definition of the hashtag; glorifying a woman who we were taught to be ashamed of.

So what is the definition of #BlackGirlMagic? A number of answers come to mind.

It is the fairy dust of strength, beauty and perseverance. It is the different hues of melanin that make our skin. It is our existence because without a black girl there would be no one.

For centuries woman of color have been degraded, mistreated and frowned upon because of our unmatched elegance. We were stripped of our families, self-respect and any societal opportunity, yet today we have built ourselves higher than anyone ever imagined. That is #blackgirlmagic.

Our magic is looking adversity in the face and striving for greatness. Our magic is the ability to be both a woman and black where we aren’t the most favored. Our magic is in our hair; the way it can stand tall against the wind while forming any shape desired. Our magic is in our adaptability; transforming without losing who we are.

Everything about a black girl is magic. Be proud. Embrace your gift.

And show the world that you are the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic!

 Brittany Eve

[blackgirlcoven-blog]

Undesirable: When he told me I wasn’t the finest. I’m utterly disgusted. I’m writing this to identify the source. Standing at 5’11 I’ve never been smaller than a size 12, I am voluptuous in statue. The coined identifiers plus size or curvy girl have been myself esteem’s friend and foe, before I even cared if my thighs were fire starters (fat girl joke, just laugh), or if my ass resembled that of a donkey. The daily task of learning to love every roll and dimple has been a long, tearful journey. Everyday there’s something to complain about or embrace. I love the journey, but I’m pretty tired of detouring simply because of another’s opinion about me. You know the detour I’m talking about. The guy you’ve been dating for a few weeks says the stupidest thing EVER! Disregarding your feelings and reactions, their innocent questions start the time clock on a ticking bomb called desirability. Within seconds, a mixture of Ugly Betty and Helga G. Pataki from “Hey Arnold” appears as your reflection. I’m extra ya’ll, melodramatic at its finest. Bear with me, please. It’s usually expressed in different variations. Mostly out of “love” or concern for your health, but we all know there are certain men who are cheeky enough to ask for a phat ass, flawless skin, flat stomach and an ambitious spirit to go along with it. I’m pretty sure you’ve experienced it. Don’t sit there reading this and act brand new with me. If it hasn’t happened yet, be thankful. That emotional roller coaster isn’t for the faint of heart. For storytelling purposes I will name my ex boo thang, Mr. Almost. He and I had been dating for a year and a half. We were currently at the “trying to figure out if I want to give this another shot, but give me some sugar on the lips” stage in our situationship. He was everything I never wanted in a partner, but I accepted him in his most organic form, flaws and all. The conversation of my weight had been brought up before. The first time he mentioned it, I felt very unattractive, however became motivated to improve my physical appearance. The man I shared emotional intimacy with candidly shared concern for my health. I was doing it for our relationship-which revealed itself to me as a situationship. During that time I never wanted him to show physical intimacy toward me because I felt like a living flaw in his hands. Almost like a blob of nothing waiting to be shaped perfectly for only him. Again, don’t sit there and judge me. Mr. Almost pulls me closer to whisper in my ear, he places his hand on my hip, slowly sliding his fingers down my thigh. I’m tense because I’m not trying to have any sexual activity with him (blog for another day). Tightly gripping my thigh, deeply looking me in the eyes, he says, “Vicki, you need to work out. You need to lose some weight .” Down South where we put maple syrup on our biscuits, my body type is affectionately known as “big fine”. (Insert any Cash Money lyric from the ’99 and 2000). Look, I got some pop with me, but for a mere week, I allowed someone else’s insecurities fondle with my self-worth and esteem. My attractiveness and desirability was at risk. I am embarrassed right now to even share this, let alone admit it. Yet, I’m willing to grow and gain strength from this. At this moment I am forcing myself to gain strength. Not sure where or when it will come, but right now I am publicly shining light on every corner of my most hidden insecurity. The war against my weight and body type has lead me to its name, Embarrassment. I am totally not comfortable in my fat, “fupa”, stretch marks and double chin. In fact, I don’t disagree with Mr. Almost. I need to work out. I need to lose weight. The fact stands that it wasn’t a point I needed him to share with me. I needed him to be a friend and guide me with gentler words for such a tender topic. My fat is exactly that, IT’S MINE! It’s time to own and manage it. It’s time to be strong: mentally and physically. Reflection Note Let go of embarrassment. Be honest with yourself and at least one other person. Find your strength. Allowing toxic thoughts to fester in your mind and spirit can lead to a whole heap of self-destruction. My self-esteem diminishing is not an option. I’m talking through my embarrassment, pain and confusion.

[blackgirlcoven-blog]