#blackfeathered anecdotes

[souji-upseta]

met a cute trans girl who kept a fucking ocarina of time replica on the cash register at her cafe omggggg and she told me to come by anytime i'm in the neighborhood again and now im no longer mentally ill

like. ur cafe is at my DOCTORS OFFICE trust me oh trust me i'll be back soon

it was so cute i actually squeaked and got really excited and pointed it out and she was like "haha, yeah, i was waiting for you to see that and flip out."

she had known me for a grand total of 3 mins. damn. im too transparent. 😔

[souji-upseta]

guess who decided to kin dave strider and went to the boozery just so that i could buy a nip of vodka in to pour into my apple juice in order to be able to say that my reaction to pony pals was to pour myself a stiff drink

(THIS WHAT IS THE REFRANCE)

then i forgot to take a picture of the nip i bought so i had to ask my housemate if i could use one of his bottles in order to take a staged picture of vodka+apple juice in order to prove, on some level, that this actually happened. i did that.

i didn't do it in the exact way pictured. but i still put A Vodka, specifically obtained for the purposes of making myself a stiff drink, in my apple juice, as a response to detective pony.

tbh this isn't even a "stiff" drink. idk how much you know about booze, but a nip is like, 2 sips of booze, in what's comparatively a fuckin ocean of apple juice. this shit is barely alcoholic.

if this drink were a boner, it wouldn't even be at half-mast. not even a quarter chub. it would be the reluctant, SSRI-impeded swelling of sad, shrunken, dead-nerved erectile tissue into a state that could be charitably considered "aroused". like you need to piss and your iatrogenic sexual dysfunction is gracious enough to bestow the IDEA of endowing your junk with an inconvenient and evolutionarily ironic* vascular reaction but it's not fully committing to the bit.

on the plus side? popping a boner from your full bladder actually makes it much more difficult to take a piss. so think of it as a favor. it's easier to piss.

this piss-boner metaphor works for the flaccid state of my apple juice's alcohol content works because apple juice looks like piss. this AJ is squeezed from the puny fruit of knowledge after pawnee bit into the fruit of life, and that's why we received detective pony.

that's why im waxing nonsensical about booze piss apple juice boners and you have to read it. if you subscribe to a more a gnostic or luciferian interpretation, though, as i do?

i think you'll agree with me that this is a good thing. i'm glad you're here. i'm glad you're reading my not-even-tipsy levels of horseshit spoken through the profound inebriation that comes from reading something as sobering as fucking detective pony. i'm glad i'm who i am now, because of having read this.

I want you to live.

and that's really all there is to say on the matter.

*I never want to hear the word "ironic" again.

im finally reading detective pony and everyone is right that it's probably the best fanfiction ever written. jfc.