#bitch where?!

[deadcroisany]

[virtualplushy]

silliness and sincerity are not opposites btw. they are married. bisexually

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[kelin-is-writing]

HELLO???? PRO-HERO TOUYA???? I’M FOLDING SO BAD—?????

[pissmamiii]

howdy

[remxedmoon]

auaua feel a little bad for being inactive recently so!! heres the reason why :3

[clementineskesh]

the best thing about benoit blanc's clearly established emotional intelligence is knowing with 100% certainty that he did everything in his power to hurt miles bron's feelings on purpose

[hellbendergender]

"He's gonna use this to his advantage." "Nothing could be worse for Biden's campaign" "his supporters are going to rally around him" shut. UP.

Y'all need to stop moping and put your money where your mouth is and vote.

[miametropolis]

the first episode of star trek tng:

hi everyone! meet the crew! wow, this guy's got a temper. this one's an android! uh-oh, a spooky alien has appeared!

the first episode of star trek ds9:

post-traumatic stress disorder

[princessoflalaland]

imagine suguru using your toys after discovering his newfound infatuation for being pegged. while you're away, he’d rifle through your clothes until he found your used panties. just the smell of you riddled in them had his dick rising. shoving them in his mouth, rubbing them across his face, he’d bounce on your (now his) favorite dildo to thoughts of you defiling him. he could practically hear you, hear your sweet voice chastise him for being such a needy slut. what kind of whore grabs his mistress’ used panties and fucks her toys to fantasies of riding her? a nasty fuckin bitch, that’s who.

“‘m sorry for being a needy bitch, mistress.” he’d pant into the air, eyes screwed shut. using his free hand, he’d jerk himself off, edging himself closer to release.

“please let me cum, p-promise i’ll be good..”he whined as he doubled over, his cum spurting out of his slit, pearly and pretty as you would’ve called it had you been there. he rides his orgasm out, begging for you.

his cum stains the purple bedding you set out this morning before heading out. you won’t be pleased to find that your sweet boy couldn’t control himself, and sullied it. it’d be in his best interest to clean up quickly before you get home because God knows what punishment awaits him if things stay the way they are.

those are the same thoughts that ran laps in his dirty little mind as he heard your keys in the door and your steps passing through the threshold.

[lesbomaticlove]

so i had another idea because of pinterest

[poundingwaves]

After some much needed post-battle rest, Gorgug is still left with one mystery to solve. How the hell is he supposed to figure out Mary Ann’s phone number? First, he asks Fig for help since she’s apparently on lime level. She laugh reacts to his message and tells him she has absolutely no clue what Quokki Pets is but she’ll meet him at Basrar’s.

Fig offers to Wanda Childa Mary Ann to try to get more information out of her and Gorgug practically begs her not to. They agree instead to request Adaine’s research expertise. Adaine sends them a bulleted list of Quokki Pets facts including where to find the game. The three of them meet at the Elmville mall to see if Mary Ann actually left her phone number there. Adaine starts mage handing copies of the game over to Fig (disguised as an employee) who opens them to see if there are any notes inside. Gorgug purchases a copy for himself. Maybe actually playing the game could be a good idea (and impress Mary Ann if that’s even possible). 

After being booted from the store, Mary Ann’s number still eluding them, they consider that finding Mary Ann’s profile could help. They enlist their tech genius, so Riz shows up with his equipment ready to go. He hacks into the Quokki Pets message boards and finds a high level user located in Elmville with the name Mangostrawb. Gotta be her. So they look through her posts on the message boards and mostly just find her showing off her Quokkis, leaving scathing comments on non-optimized builds, or occasionally dropping tips for new players. After scrolling through dozens of pages, they’re positive Mangostrawb is Mary Ann but that’s still not exactly helpful.

They finally call it quits for the day and go their separate ways, vowing to keep helping Gorgug get to that bench. Late that night as he’s embarking on his Quokki Pets journey, Gorgug gets a text from an unknown number. He opens it. “you don’t just get quokki pets. they come to you”

Gorgug sighs and puts his crystal down. She's so fucking annoying.

And so hot.

[murcielagatito]

while 911 is blowing up rn here is hen shes a lesbian paramedic also she has a rocket scientist wife

[mamawasatesttube]

the whole "jason rules crime alley and none of the other bats are allowed there!!1!" thing is so funny like. tim LITERALLY lives in the theater where bruce's parents died,

[bloomin-daydream]

my crazy uglyass horrid fucking boyfriend

meow mrow meow mrrr

[stealingyourbones]

It's been months since the Riddler has one upped the Batman. Thousands of crumpled pieces of paper overflowed his recycling bin near his desk of sub par riddles and imperfect plans. Edward snapped the pencil in his hand with an angry jerk of the hand and let out an angry yell. Nothing is good enough to be used to beat the Bat! Edward slumped in his chair, grumbling nonsensical curses and half parsed riddles when something caught his eye.

Near his desk he always had at least 4 tv's that randomly switched through local news channels from around the world. Both as something to look at to clear his mind and to help spur ideas.

His attention was caught by the bottom left screen showing a very distressed man in a wannabe Conan O'Brian haircut talking about reports of an "Invis-o-Bill" sighting near a local school.

Edward checked the location on his computer which was running the code that randomized the news channels. This one hailed from Amity Park, Illinois.

---

It was quick work figuring out Invis-o-Bill's identity, a boy named Daniel "Danny" Fenton. The boy's self titled moniker "Phantom" made Edward have a fit of crazed giggles, it was like the boy wasn't even trying to hide his identity!

Edward got to thinking... A boy who's both dead and alive at the same time. The plan of a Schrodinger's boy in a Schrödinger's box was slowly being molded in his mind. It's perfect.

Edward grabs a new piece of paper and starts writing frantically. He needs to set everything up but in the meantime, he needs to call up some of his goons to capture Daniel Fenton.