#bitch dependency is a disease

[haberdashing]

upsides to having idiopathic hypersomnia: i can tell people that a doctor diagnosed me with a case of the sleepytireds and i am, essentially, telling the truth

[krumbaphant]

after sitting stagnant for months and months and months the dust is working its way free from boy burning and the plot! is finally becoming clearer. finally. after 84 years i might be able to get this bitch on track and FINISHED*

[makeyoumine69]

Disease

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Sub!Patrick Bateman x Dom!Fem!Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: After his failed attempt to charm you, Patrick can't stop thinking about you because you've completely occupied his mind and now the poor man can't get any rest and has to masturbate to thoughts of you almost every night.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Smut, masturbation, desperate Patrick, swearing, spanking, delusions, obsessive behavior, cum shot.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: <1k

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐄𝐂: Lady Gaga—Disease💕

𝐀/𝐍: This is very random, I wrote it during my break at work because I had a very stressful day. Hope you enjoy it!

𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: [MASTERLIST]; [SERIES MASTERLIST].

It was more than a feeling that tormented him all night long, not giving him a chance to sleep properly. This searing sensation like an itching wound, it drove him crazy and eventually Patrick gave in, throwing the soft blanket aside and the next second he groaned as he looked down at his groin.

"Fucking bitch," Bateman hissed through his clenched teeth as he finally allowed himself to pull down the briefs that seemed to be too tight. "I'll watch you bleed one day, I swear," his panting mixed with barely audible curses. "Oh-fuck…"

Eyes shut tight, the man gripped himself and the mere contact with his hot flesh made him arch his back, his legs shaking from the tension as if he were about to combust. These obsessive thoughts of you were like a fucking plague he couldn't get rid of. But maybe he wasn't really trying, maybe wanking off to the thought of you was something special, something different from all the other times he jerked off watching porn or… Maybe he just couldn't stand that you didn't fall in love with him right away?

"Mmhm, you will beg me for this," Bateman's voice was getting raspier and raspier with every stroke, his movements bordering on desperation. Chewing on his lip, he ignored the way his pre-cum was literally gushing around the expensive sheets, a few drops running down his flat abdomen. But he didn't care. "You're gonna beg me like a whore…and I'm gonna spit in your face…in your so-fucking-beautiful face," his cock twitched in his grasp as he imagined that it was your hand jacking him off now, that it was you lying here next to him in his king-sized bed. "I-I need you…so fucking much," he almost whimpered, rolling onto his side to hide his face in the pillow. "Why can't I just stop thinking about you?! Why? WHY?"

Huffing, Patrick picked up the pace, his hand sliding up and down his shaft in an almost feverish desperation; the wet, obscene sounds were a clear indication of how much he needed this—needed you. At one point, the man was about to gnaw on the pillow as he imagined fucking you in missionary…or maybe doggy or maybe prone? How about you on top, bouncing on his thick dick, your eyebrows furrowed as his girth was mercilessly splaying you open? No way. This fantasy was too delightful, but Patrick couldn't concentrate on anything in particular—he wanted it all at once. Fucking you on his bed, on the floor, against the wall, then lifting you up and making you wrap your legs around his waist.

When the loud moan fell from his lips, he knew it wouldn't take long for him to cum. Crumpling the covers, Bateman thrust relentlessly into his hand as if his life depended on it. Missionary…he would fuck you like this because he wanted to see your face when he would sheath himself so deep inside you that you would have to shush yourself with your hand. But then you would become as needy as he was, your hand kneading his biceps, his broad back, gradually moving down to his firm ass to give it a squeeze and then a sharp slap.

"Arghh-fuck," he groaned into the pillow before slapping himself, only feeding his delusional fantasy, but holy shit, why did it feel so real? "Mmhg-you're going to be so full of my c-cum-fuck!"

Trembling like a leaf in the wind, Patrick exploded into his hand, but he didn't stop pumping himself, even though his hand was starting to hurt from the intensity of his movements. Flustered, covered in sweat and tears, he spilled himself on the sheets, but even when he was completely spent, the image of you was still so fresh and real inside his head. Your bratty voice teased him all over again and he could swear that one day he would really make you submit to his will, but now all he could do was lie alone in his perfect apartment and dream of that very moment he would share with you.

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my writing community to know when I update!💞

[reyrapidsbutgayer]

Ranking All Shadow of the Erdtree Bosses and NPC's by Fuckability.

It's finally time. The sequel to the 2nd worst post I've ever made.

I 100%-ed the DLC and it was fantastic. Time to find out which new characters are the most fuckable.

In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with (if possible) and are not actively trying to kill you (Unless killing you makes it sexier).

Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate. Bosses that already appeared in the Base game are not counted.

It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.

Explanation of Grading system:

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.

Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

Ralva the Great Red Bear:

Animal

Rugalea the Great Red Bear:

Animal

Ghostflame Dragon:

Undead, probably not capable of sex.

Golden Hippopotamus:

Animal

Swordhand of Night Anna:

She is a hot goth knight, but is a mind controlled puppet.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Promised Consort Radahn + Radahn Consort of Miquella:

Radahn is just a mind-controlled corpse, and Miquella is a little bitch, so they are both ineligible. Honestly who tries to become a god but also ditches their inner goth girl? St. Trina deserved better.

Scadutree Avatar:

Theoretically capable of sex, but is made of pure anger and thorns.

Fire Knight Salza:

War criminal, even by Elden Ring terms so you KNOW it's bad.

Jori, Elder Inquisitor:

Creepy torturer and hypocrite, thinks sex is a sin and I plan for him to die sinless.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

Curseblade Labirith:

Too devoted to being a monk to care.

Midra Lord of Frenzied Flame:

He's going through a LOT right now. He just got dumped AND he is being tortured for eternity while also containing a god of madness in his body, just leave the poor man alone.

Blackgaol Knight:

In another life he'd fuck like semi truck, but as of right now he's taken a vow to be a wet blanket alone in a mausoleum.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

Chief Bloodfiend:

Too goopy and covered in diseased blood, but is still up for it if you are.

Putrescent Knight:

On one hand it's melting skeleton made up of thousands of merged souls... but on the other hand if you managed to get the consent and each and every soul I bet you could PROBABLY do something.

Lamenter:

Throw him one pity fuck and then run, he's clingy and a whiner.

Death Knight:

Is mostly just a skeleton, and whatever flesh is still there is probably rotting... but he does have some rizz and cool wings... goth guys can still get it.

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

Black Knight Garrew:

A highly trained knight, probably has good stamina but is also a fanatic to a creepy cult.

Black Knight Edredd:

Is also a highly trained knight, probably has good stamina but is also a fanatic to a creepy cult... but he does know crucible incantations... he might have some weird animal stuff you can get him to use in bed.

Rakshasa:

She's covered in blood and is overflowing with bloodlust... but lust and bloodlust are in the same neighborhood if you know what to do.

Divine Beast Dancing Lion:

If those two guys in there aren't rotting corpses... Fucking two guys inside a scary lion costume is an above average Tuesday night.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

Logur, the Beast Claw:

A nude man covered in blood is running at you on all fours... you are either about to die or have a WILD night.

Ancient Dragon Senessax:

A very average dragon, but all dragons have a baseline fuckability so she's up here.

Jagged Peak Drake:

Drakes are slightly less fuckable than dragons, but if you don't think I'd willing be double teamed by two dragons while Igon watches, you clearly don't know me.

Ancient Dragon-Man:

All the perks of dragon sex but in a much more portable package.

Demi-Human Swordmaster Onze:

Normally Demi-humans are more cute than sexy, but this guy dedicated his life to the blade, you should be helping him make up for lost time.

Count Ymir, Mother of Fingers:

He's a delusional asshole... but he smacks of gender™ in a very submissive and breedable manner. A man who wants to be a mother and has giant fleshy fingers growing out of his body? It will be uncomfortable and deeply personal... but you GOTTA try it at least once, the LGBTQ community is depending on you.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

Red Bear:

All the raw sex appeal of Logur but with 25% more daddy energy.

Moonrithyll, Carian Knight:

Listen we have all been sleeping on Moonrithyll when we should be sleeping WITH her. She is the chamberlain to Rellana (as in head bedroom attendant) which means she is an actual #girlboss and there must be insane wizard lesbian sex behind closed doors. Not only that but she is beloved by the trolls and can fight on equal terms with the carian troll knights, who are no doubt getting sucked and fucked by her nightly. She's just a normal human but she is blowing out the backs of demigods and giants alike. She is struggling to keep her head above water and that water is pussy.

Commander Gaius:

Ok so here me out: He is an asshole, and violent, and a fanatic who serves the very order that discriminates against him... but all you have to do is mention that Radahn is better in bed than him. With this one simple trick he will have you bent over the back of his boar making sure he won't be the only one who can't use their legs after. He is pure rage and he will not stop until he has make you cum more times than Radahn ever has. Trust me, this happened to me, video games are real.

Dancer of Ranah:

Infinite stamina, enough said.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

Rellana Twin Moon Knight:

I want you to imagine Rennala, a normal woman who was able to satisfy Radagon/Marika, the sluttiest possible duo in the entire history of the lands between. Now imagine Rennala at full power, no depression, no hanging out in her basement mourning her failed marriage... now imagine Rennala 18% more goth and holding two magic swords. She will fuck you into space and then fuck you back to planet earth. Now imagine being bisexual.

Messmer the Impaler + Base Serpent Messmer:

I have slowly grown to love this sad bishounen anime boy more and more as I learn about his pathetic little life. He seems all mean and firey, but he is a bottom. (and his snakes are not) I wanna make him squeal and then get him therapy and then for good measure make him squel again.

Romina, Saint of the Bud:

A sleeper hit, but she is a mean insect lady with a giant prehensile centipede tail. She is like a xenomorph queen but a pink pastel goth rather than a vampire goth. She will wrap you up in that giant tail of hers and get straight to the egg laying. If you haven't considered it before, then you will now.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

Metyr, Mother of Fingers:

Look... you WILL die after doing this, but she has a giant stomach full of squirming wet fingers and she is basically a big pile of dicks. Get naked, jump into her gaping stomach and die happy. That's an order from your commanding officer, now do your duty and serve your country.

Bayle the Dread:

I hate this dragon, he is responsible for the steady decline in dragon sex appeal, he hurt my Igon, and I can't explain why but I feel like he is sexist somehow. BUT... a dragon is a dragon. If Igon asks me to double team this guy I legally can't say no.

BONUS: Ranking the new NPC's from worst to best in terms of fuckability:

#13: Fire Knight Queenlign:

Somehow, his haircut is more of a turn-off than the war crimes he committed in the name of a god who doesn't even know he exists, which is not a good sign.

#12: Hornsent Grandam:

Normally I would give GILFs a pass to live their life and fuck as little or as much as they want. But she is the type to slut shame other women and as a feminist I cannot stand idly by.

#11: Hornsent

In another life he'd be a decent lay. He had a wife and a child so he has had sex at least once. In a pinch I can forgive the blind self destructive quest for vengeance, but I draw the line as soiled loincloths. You're an adult Hornsent, so act like it.

#10: Moore

My sweet little pot boy... If it came to sex I'd like to imagine that he is attentive and gentle, with his armor clattering around the whole time because he is too scared to take it off entirely. But he is too sweet and you honestly don't deserve him. He needs to be romanced, swept off his feet by a loyal and supportive partner and let's face it, you aren't at a place in your life where you can be all that he needs.

#9: Thoiller

The pillow princess to end all pillow princesses. He is a simp, he's submissive, he's breedable, he's a sopping wet pathetic little meow meow. Tumblr, THIS is the man you keep saying you want, now get in there and impregnate this man as the prophecies foretold.

#8: St. Trina

She's a plant at this point and probably isn't up for sex. (And a disembodied essence of love from a corrupted demigod) But I KNOW for a fact you kept imbibing her nectar more than you needed to. She just likes to watch as you and Thoiller get high and flop around in the putrescences. Lore says St. Trina was a fully grown woman at some point, and not just a weird little plant person, so in her prime she probably had a weird sleepy plant orgy with her followers.

#7: Redmane Freyja:

On paper she is the tragic butch sword lesbian we need but don't deserve. A prisoner who earned her freedom and rank through brutal gladiatorial combat, a loyal knight to a fallen demigod, and a big buff lady who can step on you. But in practice she still sides with Leda after breaking free of the mind control, and lets Miquella control her lords body like a toy. Come on Freyja, where is your fire? Your rage? Suplex Leda and fuck your way across the lands between as did your forefathers.

#6: Swordhand of Night Jolan:

She's a mean goth girl with a tragic past and a desperate need to be loved. I could fix her.

#5: Sir Ansbach

He easily earned his place in the top 5. He's running from a tragic past, he is trying to be a better person, he has all the sex appeal of Varre' but actually bathes, and he is a GILF. In practice he probably isn't the BEST in bed, but he is rather romancable. He can still get it, since he was a highly trained warrior in the past, but I see myself cuddling him as he somberly adjusts his glasses and stares out the window. Don't get me wrong there is still a LOT of sweaty blood sex but he knows what he is doing and understands what soap is.

#4: Igon

He's a screamer. Broken legs, dirty armor, doesn't matter. The warriors code demands that we look into each other's eyes as we both cum. That is the only honorable way.

#3: Needle Knight Leda

She sucks. She willingly follows a loser wannabe god, and it's not even the mind control, she is just like that™ already. She is so bad at socializing with rational people who are already on her side that she jumps to murder without hesitation. She even killed all the first Needle Knights just cuz of her own paranoia. She should be at the bottom of this list... but a yandere is a yandere. It would be creepy, uncomfortable and she'd be very demanding and probably bite you in a very non-sexy way. But it would still be some of the best sex you'll ever have. You'd regret it just as much as you'd enjoy it, and you'd regret it for the rest of your life.

#2: Dragon Communion Priestess Florissax:

Lovelorn dragon lady who wants me to eat other dragons in a very sensual manner. I am not immune and neither are you.

#1: Dryleaf Dane

After that brush, he is distant. His training is cold and impersonal, he throws himself into his prayers, dedicating every waking moment to meditation. He sought to turn his flesh to iron, so why is the flesh so weak around you?

Hear me out. He's religious, he is dedicated to his cause, he tries to kill you, and he doesn't even say a word to you.

BUT.

Imagine what happens when you finally get him to break.

He is your master, teaching you in the dryleaf arts, the two of you sparring atop a waterfall and bruising your knuckles more and more with each strike. The two of you meditate together, seeking inner peace to further your warriors spirit. He is stoic, his heart closed off to you and his mind focused on his holy mission.

But he is temped, you can see it in his eyes, in the way he watches over you when you are hurt, the soft way his fist unclench after a battle, and the thick layer of sweat you share after sparring. Together you are hardening your bodies to become living weapons, but bodies are not only used for violence, and the two of you cannot ignore the tension that grows with each day, your bodies intertwining during a particularly heated duel, grappling turning slowly to wanton exploration. He comes to his senses right before it crosses the line and you see the fear in his eyes as he pulls away from you. But you wouldn't have stopped him and he knows it from the pleased expression on your face as you lie on your back, defeated.

When it finally happens, you are sparring, leaving nothing behind. You shed your armor to let the movements flow without hindrance and so does he, conflict apparent upon his face. You trade blow after blow, your bodies raw and sore but still you don't let up. The sun is setting and neither of you will relent, sweat coating every inch and the roar of the waterfall drowning out every thought that isn't dedicated to this battle.

He is getting sloppy, his eyes transfixed not on your fists but your face. A poorly placed sweep to your legs leaves him wide open and you go for the maneuver neither of you have attempted since the close encounter that frightened him so.

He struggles, pushing your arms and legs away fruitlessly as his exhaustion drains away his years of practice. Soon you are pinning him to the wet ground on the riverbed, his hair wild and his hat flung far out of arms reach. He looks like a cornered animal in your grasp, eyes bulging and his breathing haggard. You can only look down upon your former master with a gleeful hunger, his body already more familiar to you than your own.

In a moment of understanding you see the hesitation drain from eyes. He knows what he wants, and he is done denying it. You grab his face roughly and kiss him more violently than any punch you have thrown. He returns in kind and all the exhaustion seems to leave his body as he sits up and wraps both arms around you firmly, desperate to make up for lost time, his holy mission only to worship your body and the unbreakable bond you have forged in sweat and blood.

And then you bone.

We have all imagined that exact scenario, haven't we? I have yet to meet a Fromsoft fan who hasn't described that fantasy to me word for word without hesitation. I am just saying what we were all thinking.

(Pictured: a man I would fuck until he renounces his god.)

[f1byjessie]

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part three.

INSTAGRAM.

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 314,691 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris

yourusername is it time for bahrain yet?! can’t wait to see these two back in action again soon! 🧡

view all 4,981 comments

mclaren We keep asking ourselves the same thing! Our engines are ready and we’re raring to go! 🧡

↳ yourusername you truly understand me mclaren admin

↳ mclaren we think you’re the one who truly understands us y/n

↳ user y/n x mclaren admin?? 🤯 the plot twist none of us saw coming

user missing these lads so much lately

user THE RADIO SILENCE ON OSCAR’S SOCIALS WAS KILLING ME I DEPEND ON THESE MEN TOO MUCH THEY KEEP ME ALIVE 😭😭

user the f1 drought is real rn

user MCLAREN SUPREMACY 2024

↳ user i’m trying to be delulu but we all know it’s just gonna be the mv33 and redbull show again this year 🫤

user soooo are we all just gonna pretend like we didn’t see the pics of her with garrett ward orrrrr?

↳ user no bc i was just thinking the same thing 👀

↳ user wait that was actually her??? cuz you can like barely see her face so i thought it was just a joke???

user what a fake ass bitch

user she only posts other ppl on her acc cuz she knows her ugly ass face would scare everyone else away

user homegirl needs to stay tf away from my man fr 😤😤

user god what a hoe 😒 she already has these two that she could fuck with idk why she needed to go after garrett

user SLUT SLUT SLUT

user if she tries anything with anyone else on the city team i’m gonna lose my shit fr

↳ user same omg

↳ user honestly i’m just glad she didn’t go after grealish or haaland 🙌

↳ user she probably would’ve tried if they weren’t taken already 🙄

↳ user nah i bet she’s totally a homewrecker garrett’s probably just the first on her list

user oh… these comments… 😰

↳ user right???

INSTAGRAM.

liked by mancity, mclaren, and 198,131 others

tagged: mancity

yourusername the city boys know how it’s done! and looking pretty good in orange too 😉

view all 3,971 comments

mancity The lads are looking good indeed! This weekend’s match against Newcastle should be an exciting one! ⚽️🩵

mclaren ✍️ Jeremy ✍️ Doku ✍️ and ✍️ Ruben ✍️ Dias ✍️ McLaren ✍️ 2025

↳ mancity Do you think Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri would look good in sky blue? 🤔

user funny how she posts every city man BUT garrett

user god when does she go back to f1??

↳ user march iirc

↳ user well it can’t get here soon enough jfc

user FUCK OFF WE DON’T WANT YOU

user you’re a slag and should accept the fact that any guy would only want you bc of how easy you are

user i’ll bet my left leg that the only reason the f1 boys haven’t shacked up with her yet is cuz they know she’s probably riddled with disease since she drools over every guy that comes near her 😒 like girl needs to bffr and realize that throwing herself at every male in her vicinity isn’t gonna land her a husband and it just making her even more of a slut

↳ user nah i’ll bet they’ve all already done her over in f1 but nobody will touch her now that they’ve passed her round so she had to come over to football just to try and get someone to touch her again 🙄🙄🙄

user i hope garrett realizes how much of a slut she is and breaks up with her

user sick and tired of bitches like this getting with footballers and being all controlling. like i’ll bet she’s gonna tell garrett he can’t go out and party with his mates anymore bc he has to spend time in with her and then she’ll get all pissy about him having female fans bc she’s insecure and knows that if garrett got to meet a REAL fan he’d jump ship immediately. those of us who ACTUALLY care about footballers know their fans are super important to them and we wouldn’t hinder their relationship with them just bc we’re jealous or insecure. garrett needs to be with someone who actually supports him and is willing to let him do what he wants instead of controlling him like he’s a dog on a leash.

user kys like genuinely

user god i can’t wait for this skank to die 😒

“Hey Lando, it’s me. Your best friend. Again,” you give a humorless chuckle. “I could seriously use some of your wizened advice right about now, so, uh, please just give me a call back when you can. Thanks.”

It seems poetic in a cruel sort of way that less than a week ago you were walking Etihad Campus and feeling like you were on top of the world━ working a new albeit temporary gig, adding the Manchester City name to your list of clients, having photos of world-renowned footballers in your portfolio━ and now you’ve resigned yourself to hiding away in the women’s restroom, locked in a stall because it’s the only place you could think of where nobody would be able to find you.

You’re on the verge of tears and feeling rather stupid for it.

It’s the third time today alone that your call has gone straight to voicemail, and with the dozens of unread texts you’ve sent in the last week added to the mix, it’s starting to paint a picture you’re not very happy with. Lando is ignoring you. Or he’s blocked you. Or he’s blocked you because he’s ignoring you━

You bite down on your lip, hard, to keep back the sob crawling its way up your throat.

You’re not a PR officer, you hadn’t been lying when you told Garrett that, but you’ve spent enough time around the McLaren PR teams that you’ve picked up enough tips and tricks to know, at the very least, that the best thing you can do is just ignore the comments.

That’s what they tell all the athletes.

What they don’t tell the athletes is that ignoring the comments is much easier said than done, especially when your career requires you to have such a significant online presence. And the thing is, despite all of these strangers hounding you with every name under the sun and criticizing your capabilities, qualifications, and very existence, the thing that hurts the most is the radio silence from the only person you know could make it all better.

Now, more than ever, you need your best friend. But he isn’t here.

You tuck your phone into your jacket pocket and unlock the stall with great reluctance. You know better than to be hiding away, shirking your responsibilities while crying over a few missed phone calls. You have a job to do, and a real professional wouldn’t let something as simple as a handful of tasteless comments get in the way of that.

You should be used to them. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

Your first month at McLaren wasn’t entirely different.

When you were first hired on, Carlos had been in Formula One for a handful of years already and had built up a devotedly loyal fanbase with a decently large percentage of possessive fangirls who had come for your head the moment your existence had been announced.

The McLaren Instagram account had posted a picture of you standing between their two grinning drivers, your camera strung around your neck, with a very nice caption welcoming you to the team, and despite no indication that you were by any means involved with either of them in a way that went beyond professional, the comments had been taken over by feral teenage girls who saw the act of you simply standing near Carlos to be a direct threat against their “chances.”

Though it had been frustrating being met with childish threats and petty insults in your comments, you hadn’t really held it against any of them. You remember being a teenage girl and crushing on a celebrity. Deep down you knew you never had a chance with them, but that hadn’t stopped you from hanging posters in your bedroom and doodling their name beneath yours inside of scribbled hearts in your diary.

Regardless, it had taken close to a month for the negativity to die down, and you hadn’t had Lando then, either, so now shouldn’t be much different.

In fact, everyone on the Manchester City team━ trainers, physios, media coordinatiors, and anyone inbetween━ has been very polite about everything between you and Garrett. A lot of them have just avoided saying anything about it, which you’re very grateful for because you don’t think you’d be able to hold back your grimace while thanking them for their well wishes, and the few who have mentioned it typically only say something vague like a wishing you the best of luck or hoping you’re happy.

An intern gave you a sympathetic smile the other day, and you’d nearly burst into tears in the middle of the office of the Director of Communications, so you know you aren’t truly alone in this.

You just feel alone.

Exiting the bathroom is a simple affair. There’s no one standing post outside ready to give you any shit for being hidden away, and nobody comes sprinting around the corner as you make your way down the hall to the press conference room that’s been temporarily turned into your base of operations.

You think you’ll probably be able to go the rest of the afternoon without running into anyone, when you open your door and find━ sitting in the front row of the seats typically saved for journalists and the press, scrolling across his phone with a disinterested look painted across his face━ Jack Grealish.

“Jack,” you greet, a bit shocked. You close the door to the room gently behind you, and cross the distance to your desk. “Did we have a meeting scheduled? It must’ve completely slipped my mind, I sincerely apologize.”

He offers you a polite smile. “No, we didn’t, so no need to be sorry. I actually just wanted to check in. See how things are going with everything.”

You blink at him in surprise. Apart from Garrett, you haven’t really had much time to speak with the other players. They wish you good morning and good afternoon when they see you, and if a ball goes astray they always call out for you to watch your head, but between their morning training and their afternoon training, their strategy reviews at lunch, and the frequent in between meetings with physios, nutritionists, and trainers, they don’t get much time to chit chat with a simple photographer.

You clear your throat, “Erm, it’s going well. I’ve gotten some really good shots these past few days. There’s one with Rodrigo that I’m particularly proud of. It should do well with the fans.”

“And things with Ward?”

You purse your lips.

“Figured.” Jack sighs. “Look, nearly everyone you run into here knows or has at least some inkling into what he’s like. He’s a prick. None of the lads on the team like him, it’s why the managers are trying to get him out of here.”

You lower yourself down into your chair. “He told me they were planning to trade him off because of his reputation.”

Jack scoffs, “Yeah, ‘cause that’s the ‘official’ reason. They can’t cut his contract early for legal reasons, so they’re waiting for it to expire and coming up with an excuse for why they ain’t re-signing him. It’s really just ‘cause the rest of us can’t keep dealing with his massive ego and the fact that he’s a misogynistic fuck who doesn’t know the first thing about respect.”

“Fucking tell me about it,” you mutter with a sigh.

If he expected you to defend Garrett and is surprised by the fact that you haven’t, Jack doesn’t show it. He looks relaxed sitting across from you, like you’re having a casual conversation and not actively shit talking a member of his team. It gives you the impression that he knows significantly more about Garrett than you do, and that because of what he knows he probably figured out that one party in the relationship is not the most willing of participants.

“How’d you get all wrapped up it in then? Didn’t figure you to be the type to go after pricks like Ward.”

You debate over whether you should tell him or not. There isn’t much Jack can do about the situation regardless, but it would at least get things off your chest and if someone else knew then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

There’s only so many days you can spend hiding out in the women’s restroom trying not to bawl your eyes out, and you’ve already reached your limit.

You heave a sigh, “It’s kind of fucked up really.” A pen on your desk catches your attention and you start to fiddle with it, avoiding Jack’s eyes which have focused directly onto you. “He asked if I would help him fix up his reputation by pretending to be his girlfriend so he could show everyone that he’s matured and can hold down a steady relationship. When I told him no, he threatened to make up a lie about inappropriate conduct to get me fired and blacklisted from the industry, so for the sake of preserving my career I agreed.”

“Bloody fucking hell,” Jack murmurs, shaking his head. “I’m real sorry he did that, Y/N.”

You shrug. “It’s happened, so, there’s nothing I can really do except wait it out at this point.”

When you look up and meet his gaze, Jack looks murderous. His hands are clenched into fists on the armrests, knuckles white with the strength of his grip. His brows are furrowed, and his lips are twisted downward in a scowl.

“If you need anything,” he starts, “let me know. And I mean it. We all know how Ward can be. He’s a knobhead. So if you need anything━” his emphasis on the word and what that implies makes you feel more comforted than anything has since the whole fiasco started, “━then you let me know, or you tell one of the other boys and they’ll find me, alright?”

All you can do is nod.

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━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry

━━ a/n: no lando yet, but we've got a cutesy little grealish scene to make up for it because i couldn't have a story with manchester city and not include him! lowkey writing this part made me wanna write for a footballer too... anyways! hope you all enjoy!

[presidentbungus]

Distractions - engie/medic, ~1k

ao3

finally returning to the time-honored art of feverishly scribbling down a short little science party fic in the middle of the night. my brain disease is back. please enjoy

“I have to say, laborer, I expected better from you.”

His back hits the wall, bare head thunks against it. He lost his hard hat in the first scuffle. And his shotgun. And his pistol. The metal of the gun barrel pressed against his forehead ain’t cold anymore.

Part of him wishes the son of a bitch would get on with it already. The other part of him, though, is the one that’s making him sweat like a stuck pig, and is the one locking his mouth shut.

Good ol’ instinct for ya. Won’t even let you bite yourself in the ass.

Spy just sits there for a second, that smug-poodle look on his face, and he tilts his head. Keeps making a show of fidgeting with the trigger, like he doesn’t even know how stupid it looks. “Not going to say anything? Any last words, laborer?”

“What, you want an autograph?”

He laughs at that, but not in the nice way. “I don't think you are in a position to speak to me that way."

"I think you're in a great position to take a hike and go stick that goddamn muzzle—“

Spy makes a big old ruckus of adjusting his grip on the gun, so he shuts up.

“You are pathetic,” Spy says, sweet ‘n simple. “Hm?”

What a hypocrite. Engineer might hear something—Spy’s being too full of himself to pay any attention. Tap-tap-tap. Footsteps, perfectly even.

“Are you not going to reply to me?”

Engineer just smiles, politely. “Ain’t you supposed to be a good spy?”

Spy hears it too, by now, and he should know better than to relax his grip on the gun when the calculation runs through his pea brain.

Flash of white. Stomp-stomp-stomp. A glower that’s mad enough to probably kill on its own. Engineer grips the barrel of the revolver in his fist while he's distracted, points it at the ceiling as a gunshot rings out and a lotta emotions run through Spy’s face at once—fear-related, mostly.

And, well, he should’ve known better than to put his back to a doorway.

He doesn’t even get to turn around before Medic grips the back of his suit and thrusts the übersaw straight through his head. Engineer whistles at the bit of brain coating the edge as Medic twists once, laughs, and dislodges it, leaving Spy to fall to the ground like a bag of rice.

“Shameful,” he tuts.

Engie stands up, dusts himself off, goes to grab his hard hat but he’s stopped by an arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him in close.

He half-complains till Medic pulls him into a very sudden kiss and, well, that shuts him right up. Whenever they pull away (which takes a while) Medic frowns and says: “What, not even a thank-you?”

“Well.” He’s a little breathless, to be honest. “Gimme a second.”

Medic hums and releases him. “I marched across the entire field. Soldier is going to try to murder me when I get back. Nevertheless he will not succeed, but it will be annoying. You should be grateful.”

“The whole field, huh? And you knew I was in trouble?”

“I have a sixth sense for these things, Engineer. And you are very predictable, you know.”

Engineer finds his hat in the corner of the room, dusts it off, and puts it back on, going back over to Medic to pat his admittedly finely sculpted chest. “Well, either you’re psychic or you put a chip in my spine you’re refusin’ to tell me about. Which one do ya think’s more likely?”

“It’s very important to me to keep tabs on your health,” he says, simply.

“I’m sure it is.”

“Besides, don’t act like you weren’t waiting for me to come rescue you.”

"Well, it’s your fault for making me dependent,” he muses, yanking on that nice straight tie of his just for the little wheeze that pulls out of him. “I could handle it myself if I really wanted to.”

“Oh, I'm sorry." Medic puts a hand on his back, grins, and then lifts him up in a bridal carry, cackling as he yelps, gently knocking their foreheads together. Then: "I suppose I'll just have to stop saving you, Schatz. Keep you on your toes, yes?”

“Hey now. Never said that.”

“I just feel so unappreciated, Engineer… never get any thanks for the things I do…”

Well.

Engineer grips him real tight by the tie (again) and brings him in and they almost fall over on top of each other, but Medic catches himself on a wall which Engineer bangs his head against and somehow they manage to find their way to each other in the meantime. The kiss is short, sweet, and vicious, and Engineer pulls away to wait for Medic to go in himself and he does not hesitate one second, which was really the whole endgame anyway. Eventually Medic sets him down and pins him instead and that’s great and all but right against the wall where he is, a lot of what he’s getting is just a nice round view of Spy’s mangled corpse spilled across the ground.

Which is definitely something. It’s hard to find space with how Doc’s basically mauling him but eventually he manages to push him back, and he takes a second to catch his breath and says: “I’m sorry but the corpse is kinda ruining the mood for me.”

Medic looks back… then forward, to Engineer, with a huge sigh. “That makes sense.”

Engineer smiles, finally releasing his death-grip on Medic’s tie and placing a hand on his chest that in concept is supposed to push him away, though he stays right in place and doesn’t seem to get the message. “And look, I’m sorry to be the one who has to say this, but we should probably get back to work soonish, anyway.”

He pouts. “Oh, nonsense.”

“How long’ve you been away? Soldier’s gonna rip you apart.”

“I will simply rip Soldier apart before he rips me apart.”

“… I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“You don’t know that.”

Engineer can’t keep down a scoff. “We are the two people on the whole team who shouldn’t go missing under any circumstances.”

Medic finally pushes away, grumbling. “You always do this.”

“I like my job. You like your job, I think. Right?"

"... Well..."

"Oh, c'mon, darlin'."

He leans down until their foreheads are touching. “I’m afraid I don’t like my job as much as I like you.”

Engineer can’t resist the urge to peck him on the nose after that, but he swiftly sidesteps the revenge kiss and starts heading out of the room. Whatever indignant thing Medic shouts is covered over by him shouting back: “We’ll reconvene!”

And all he gets back from that is a very protracted groan, and at least the mental image of two hideous kitten-eyes, and that's good enough for him for now.

[sunthyme]

🎆 New year, new headcanons!! 🎆

Hey, so I've been a bit dead for a hot sec, apologies for that. Hope y'all are having a good break! Now, for something that's been in the works since August (drum roll please)...

🎉 REDONE TWST HEADCANONS!! 🎉

First up, yet again...

♥️ Heartslabyul ♥️

WAHOO! Ignore that you can clearly see which I had to redo lol, that's going to be a bit of a theme as I looked back and wasn't super happy with some so I redid them until I got it right.

Since y'all know the characters this time, I'll be just adding new or changed things to my earlier posts. :D

Enjoy!

♥️ Riddle Rosehearts ♥️

So pretty much nothing changed from the original with Riddle, I just made her look better. Yippee!

Added thing for my University Headcanon/AU is major and I see Riddle being an English and Law major.

♣️ Trey Clover ♣️

Once again, nothing really changed except for the fact that I learned to draw him better. I gave him a labret piercing that I think would have been one of Cater's first piercings, which thankfully went well.

He'd obviously be a Culinary major.

♦️ Cater Diamond ♦️

Speaking of Cater, this one was a bitch to draw. I literally redid him three times, send help. (I'll reblog this with the extra between version for y'all to see)

A new headcanon for him is that he's the kind of character that has his eyes closed for the most part and only opens them when he's like super serious. I just felt it fit him. (I'll also attach that in the reblog)

He's very heavily gyaru inspired (shout out to @/Cayfourdiamonds on Pinterest, I loved his edits of Cater and they were my inspo) and I wanted him to curl his hair in the mornings, princess curl style. He has naturally straight hair and the freckles are indeed fake.

He's a Cosmetology and Communications major.

♠️ Oki Chiang ♠️

She's a Sociology major and her birthday is October 4th (Libra). She's apart of the Poetry Club (OC club).

Nothing much changed here either, though I tinkered with her skin tone to amp up the contrast and shifted to blue to a darker hydrangea-y colour.

(Edit: I forgot, I have UM for my ocs now!)

Unique Magic - "Who Are You?": Creates a mist as Oki recites the spell that induces confusion. The confusion will last up to two hours after the mist fades, depending on the strength of the person affected.

♣️ Luna Madden ♣️

Another one I had to redo twice because GOD, the in between was SO UGLY!! Ew. Anyways, way cuter now! I gave him swirly eyes for funsies and trimmed down the colours in his makeup so it's more cohesive.

They're an Art and Psychology major and their birthday is January 22nd (Aquarius). It's in the Science Club.

She uses mobility aids, alternating between a cane and braces depending on the day, due to Multiple Sclerosis (an autoimmune disease that impacts the spine).

Unique Magic - "It's Tea Time!": Conjures a pre-set tea table fitting Luna's desires. The bigger the table and the more items, the harder it is for Luna to make.

♥️ Ace Trappola ♥️

Oh boy, another redone one. I went a bit ham with his design, I really wanted to make him look like a heart. Found the braid idea on Pinterest, as one does, and ran with it. He's so cute, he looks like a heart lollipop. Also, I gave him braces because I love that idea so so much!

He's undecided in his major.

♠️ Deuce Spade ♠️

I adore how this one turned out, he's my son and my boy. Nothing really changes aside from style improvement and I gave him better bangs.

Also an undecided major. (Adeuce twinning frfr)

♥️ Bunnie Chrona ♥️

She's a Psychology major and her birthday is June 30th (Cancer). A part of the Track & Field Club.

Ooh, she's so cute, I love her sm! I gave her vitiligo and stripes in her hair to imitate those splotched black and white bunnies that are so adorable. I did make the interesting choice to give her blue eyes, not for any particular reason, they just contract the red undertones well.

Unique Magic - "Killing Time": Bunnie's speed will increase for an hour, making her go at an inhuman speed.

♦️ Ness Benoit ♦️

She's a Drama major and her birthday is May 25th (Gemini). They're in the Film Research Club.

Finally, Nessie! They also had an in between but they actually looks more like the OG than that one lmao. Gave her some little devil tail earrings and just made the hair confirmedly into a wig. Also gave them a lil fang :3

Unique Magic - "Devilish Charm": Allows Ness to appear differently or say different things to different people. It takes more energy the more people she is using it on.

Stay tuned for Savanaclaw, up next!

[alannybunnue]

Ok, Imagine: Muzan Kibutsuji with a Wife

Don't question it, ya'll asked for this

But i doubt you imagine something like this...Anyway, enjoy my nonsense :3

[THERE MIGHT BE TRIGGERS WARNINGS, SO BEWARE]

The Demon Queen

= The Backstory =

(I get it, the title is not original, but it makes more sense than anything)

So Muzan is a arrogant little shit and everyone knows it.

But imagine him being married to a unbreakable sunshine

So everything began 1000 years before the main events, in the Heian Era, when Muzan was still a human.

Political marriages were pretty common back then, so you may be asking "Who in their sane minds would marry their daughter to a man on the brink of death?!" Well, our dear reader's shitty parents :3 (Which technically...her mother is me 0-0)

It obviously wasn't a very enjoyable marriage, especially with Muzan's depressing and negative personality, but his wife never change her demeanor, it didn't matter how many times he would cuss at her, she remained at his side everytime with kind smile on her face.

Muzan honestly saw her as a stupid woman who settled down for a impossible dream (Which was them living a normal married life)

So in his mind, he couldn't understand what made her stay with him day and night, waiting for the moment he somehow would be cured from his disease.

She even kept her mouth shut when he killed that Doctor :|

...But then he began to change

And it wasn't impossible to notice, he seemed more energetic, didn't stayed in bed all day like before.

However, he no longer stayed away for shades, his poor wife only found Muzan where the Sun couldn't touch him.

Which made her confused to the extreme, and the poor thing couldn't handle curiosity for long, even if her bitch of a husband wouldn't say a thing...until that one night.

At first, Muzan was going to kill her, at least he was, until she saw him walking towards her normally and became extremely emotional, and went up to her husband and hugged like her life depended on it. (No, she didn't notice the bodies nor the blood)

And as annoying as that would be to the Demon King, he indulged on it for a while, until his brain began to work and he remembered all the times this woman stayed by his side when he was at his worse.

So he transformed her :)

= Muzan as a Yandere + Some details =

One thing that must be made clear, is the detail that Muzan is not in love, he sees his darling more of a living possession than someone he is infatuated with. Using her ultimate devotion for his mere benefit.

Of course, the other reason is because he is already used to his wife's shiny personality and having to look for another woman to disguise himself among humans is too much work.

And yes, after some centuries, he begins to feel bothered whenever she isn't around him, or whenever someone else is with close to his wife.

But that isn't love! It's more like if another child stole his favorite toy.

Surely enough, he won't punish the poor woman too much, she is naive, he knows that...so giving her the silent treatment is enough to make the bubbly sweetheart cling onto him for attention. It still annoys him? Yes. But does he also finds it endearing? Also yes.

Now, does she sees his cruelty and lack of empathy? Yes, however, she is now a demon, she lived centuries with her husband telling her not to mind what they do to humans, nowadays she just can only focus on how much she loves him (My child, wtf-)

Now with demons...it's another story, you see, since she was a human, she always wanted children, but considering the man she got married to...yeah, that was impossible :D

So in her mind, the demons are her children, so whenever Muzan is agressive with them...she is really upset (Let's not comment about when he killed the Lower Moons...my baby cried all night) However, she doesn't say anything, because she can't.

Whenever Muzan can't stay with his wife, he only trusts two demons to take care of her properly

Yeah that's right, Mister Six Eyes and Basketball Man, Kokushibo and Akaza

Both are the most responsible in the group anyway, so they are more than enough to keep the woman in one place...

...But they don't stop her when she wants to stay with others too, except Akaza when she wants to visit Douma.

And Muzan can't complain much, cuz she is safe and sound when he returns, so why bother? (Or that is what she tells him, so he won't lash out on her kids •-•)

So in resume, Muzan is a bitch to everyone but his sunshine wife, but he is not in love- Or that is what he tells himself? :)

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

A/N: This honestly is kinda funny and cute somehow?? Muzan is one of the characters that i most despise and i still gave him a Wife...and i gave the Demons a Mom. Hope y'all enjoyed

[soleminisanction]

The discussions of elements and factions being 'defanged' in Veilguard alternately annoy and amuse me for two reasons.

One, because this has always been a series about how almost everything and everyone has multiple sides and interpretations depending on who you are, what choices you make, and what your perspective is. Is Loghain a scheming traitor, a ruthless pragmatic doing what he believed was necessary to save his country, or a misunderstood hero unfairly condemned by the ignorant masses? Is the Qun tyrannical, or exactly what the people who choose to live under it need? Is Solas a rebellious hero, a traitorous trickster god, or a tragic victim? Is that woman Flemeth, Mythal, Tyrdda Bright-Axe or even Adraste?

It all depends on who you ask when. So of course you're seeing the Crows in a positive light -- circumstances position them as freedom fighters against the Antaam invasion, and for one of your teammates they're literally family. And even then they're still as strongly coded with mafia tropes as Neve is a noir detective. And of course you need to go poking around before you find the pile of dead bodies the Lords of Fortune are hiding behind their fighting ring. Pirates are all about branding, and Isabella's branding is clearly inclusion and good times; they keep the unpleasantness under the rug.

The second reason this amuses/annoys/interests me is it reminds me of Pathfinder. The Pathfinder Roleplaying Game came out in 2009, just like DA Origins, and like DA its setting tried to distinguish itself with "real-world" grit and grittiness. Slavery. Racial tensions. Religious persecution. Mass slaughter. Infestation and disease. Plus the occasional demonic invasion and a shitton of dragons.

But it's been 15 years since then, we live in a post-HBO's Game of Thrones world, and both sides of the game industry have made deliberate efforts to become more diverse. Some of those changes came with discussions to readdress and reconsider the nature of dark fantasy and whether it really needs to be a parade of potentially exploitive human misery.

So I know for a fact that Paizo's made deliberate efforts to pull back on some of those aspects to make things more welcoming for a diverse player base, doing things like outlawing slavery across the entire setting, reinterpreting 'evil' ancrestries like orcs and goblins into fully-developed cultures, and giving the exoticized "fantasy Asia/Africa/India/Americas" setting new, in-depth and cultural respectful re-examinations.

And people bitch about that, too.

So my read is Bioware's doing the same thing for similar reasons, and personally, I like it. Is it perfect? No of course not but we all know what a nightmare this game's development was. They did good with what they had.

[scri--bble]

MOLD LORE DUMP TIMEE

So before Chara fell into the underground and caused the disease to happen and all Mold was one of the royal scientists (in undermold there was more than him and alphys,fight me), he was this nervous little guy that had somewhat of an attitude, When Chara did fall down and die in the Dreemurr's home, the mold disease spreading made Mold turn paranoid before eventually getting infected and being taken over by it

now he's this almost non-talkative but angry guy, hes sorta dead??? the mold disease keeps him alive like almost everyone else

after getting infected he kinda lost his mind and he turned violent, he still cares dearly about Papyrus even tho his mind is flooded with paranoia

he usually just sits at his booth and tries to rest,even tho the tendrils crawling around him make it uncomfortable all the time(same for the other characters who got tendrils :P), it's painful too cuz the tendrils grow out of his bones (arms and legs and his ribcage)

he likes laying in the snow for some reason and no he doesnt make snow angels (unless ;3)

notes:

the reason his pupils are gone is because the tendrils got to the inside of his head and are crawling outta his eyes (his left eye is entirely covered up,while the other one just a little,enough to let him see), so hes half blind

you cant get rid of the tendrils, theyre a part of him now, they can regen too (depending on how strong/powerful the monster is )

his attacks are slower now,since he feels alot more easily tired and uneasy

he also needs to puke every now and then because the disease cant contain his power which causes him to vomit tendrils (so you might see black liquid dripping from his mouth,idfk hoe), he doesnt puke often like idfk 2 maybe 3 times a week

Mold is... probably bi? still haven't entirely decided but he's definitely a man liker

he's in distress and paranoia most of the time, 1. because hes worried about Papyrus (who's doing actually alot more better than him💀) and 2. He hates having to vomit every week and is walking back and forth nerve-wracked that he can puke any second now without realizing early(he needs a bucket... or a toilet???? fuck)

he puts on this big boy act around others, when it comes to Frisk falling into the underground, Mold would probably be this quiet but tough guy who's a real alpha male...heh.

he has trouble reading obviously (the tendrils tend to move around in his skull,making him distracted easily or making his eyesight worsen or better every now and then ( IDK THE WORDS)

his character in a few words: cold hearted,paranoid, nervous, introverted, sarcastic, a whiny ass bitch when he's drunk (very real of him), easily disgusted (like by a comment or opinion or something)

OK IM MAKING THIS TOO LONG MOST OF YALL WONT WANNA READ.

the color palette i used in the first drawing is

cant find the blog i got it from

[sharp-silver4795]

EJ is a cat, istg

Important Information: these are head canons about how cat-like EJ is, impersonal “you” form is used.

Warnings: mentions of sickness (no clue how I got there), v0m1t, d34th/mourning, po15on, ven0m, respiratory obstructions, c4nc3r and other IRL issues/diseases are briefly mentioned.

He purrs. HE. PURRS.

He loves being pet. Specifically some good scritches

Scritch his head, behind his ears, or even his chin.

Depending on how much he likes what’s going on, you can feel it in his back, chest, neck, or all three.

Wiggle Wiggle

The demon has a lot of “soft spots” that make his whole body vibrate with how happy it makes him.

When he rests on top of you and you rub that spot just below his ribs he’s practically wiggling around- Do. NOT. Stop!!

He thumps his foot or headbutts when he’s excited. He’ll even try to headbutt the air.

Unsolicited Licking

If you’re sitting calmly together, and he feels safe, you’re going to be licked.

Specifically near your wrists and forearms.

He does it out of love, and showing you that he feels safe, so he proves that you are safe. He’s not biting you, right?

*Bap*

He’s a playful motherfucker when he wants to be.

Granted, it’s not a full on *bap*, it’s really just ‘Bitch! Gimme pets. You have no choice.’

Warning Signs: How NOT to die

If his tail is moving a lot, run. He has barbs that extend when he’s threatened. It’s more of a last resort, if one comes off he’ll be bleeding for a long while, but he will break one off under your skin if it feels necessary.

He can “purr” when he’s sad. When he stretches out his neck and flings his head back a bit (I hope this makes sense) almost like he’s reaching for something but just with his head, he makes small noises/vibrations in his throat. He’s lonely, sad, stressed, anything like that.

He’s sleeping in the open. Bitch, no he isn’t. At his core, he’s a great hunter. Even in the animal kingdom, it isn’t uncommon for predators to make themselves look harmless. The second you get close enough, you’re dead.

Warning Signs: He’s Sick

The “cat stretch” means he’s either starving or about to puke. Usually the latter.

White flakes on his skin is a common, semi-deadly, disease for the Rose Demons. It’s called Skaal (scale). Make sure he doesn’t open his mouth and that he doesn’t touch it. It will go away on its own if he leaves it alone.

Despite how it looks, if he’s rubbing his face on the floor, it means there’s probably something stuck- either in his eye sockets, his throat, side vents, anything. Do. Not. Approach. You will end up in the obituaries tomorrow.

If there’s a white goop coming out of his mouth and he’s gagging, give him the Heimlich ASAP! If you leave him he’s gonna blow up his organs- literally, he probably forgot to breathe and now has too much hydrogen bouncing around his body.

It’s not as bad as you think

White foam from his mouth is NOT rabies. He can’t get rabies. However, he CAN overeat and get himself sick. Being the prideful dumbass he is- he doesn’t wanna puke, even if he knows it’s best if he does and that if he refuses to he’s gonna make it worse on himself later. If there’s white shit coming out of his mouth, yank him to the nearest bathroom and lock him in there his claws are too big for most push-locks. It’s better that way.

If he looks like he’s twitching and he seems pale, get the fuck out! Let Liu handle him!! 🔞

He has random mounds on his back when he’s hungry. He doesn’t get cysts or cancer, so he’s just hungry. Back away or get eaten.

If it looks like he has a snake in his abdomen, like something is moving in there, let Liu handle him. 🔞

If he looks really pale, and his liquid keeps coming out of his sockets and his mouth, he isn’t sick. He’s mourning. It could be a lot of things, but just let him cope for a while.

Divider Creds: Sister-Lucifer

Header Creds: MEEE!!

[iguessitsjustme]

Pit Babe 2 Ep 3 Thoughts

I am sick again. Why am I always sick? Luckily I only had a half day at work (my coworkers went to a fun thing with the company this afternoon and I dragged my diseased ass home as much as I wanted to go, I didn't want to risk this spreading). I digress. Home early means watching Pit Babe 2 earlier yay! I don't know how chatty I will be today…depends on how well these meds work I suppose. As always, under the cut:

I still love this theme song. It goes so hard AS IT SHOULD

I feel this eye roll in my soul.

Anyway I see both sides here. But I lean towards agreeing with Chris. What's Charlie going to do at the hospital other than wait around? At least here, he can finish the brain scan and keep working towards his goal. Wouldn't that ultimately mean Babe is in fewer accidents anyway? Also was he in an accident or was that just Jeff's vision? Is Jeff seeing the present now?

Alan does NOT like that Jeff is feeling pain with his visions now.

Thank you Captain Obvious.

This might be the disease talking but Pete is getting on my nerves. My guy. My guy stop this.

Alan is correct to be pissed.

Babe, in the hospital: I am going to kill the bitch that hit me even though I am currently laying in a hospital bed and just woke up after getting hit by a car. Me: Oh. Oh no. He's me. I'm Babe. 

Hey. Hey Pit Babe. Where the FUCK is the GREASE on these men?

I mean, Alan is correct. But also Alan. My guy, none of them can communicate properly. They were raised by Tony.

No you just fuck and the issues remain. But again, understandable. They were raised by Tony.

SELF AWARE???????????????????????????

Winner you little shit. I can't help it but I love you.

And how, Mr. SexyMan, is Winner supposed to be more of an asshole than he already is?

WILLY! You're the worst! I love you! Welcome back!

There is something to Willy eating a piece of the orange that Charlie peeled for Babe. There's something but I am not well enough to talk about it. Someone else talk about it please.

Stand-in? My guy. You're in the wrong show. But then again, nothing is off the table for Pit Babe. Maybe we will get another reincarnated into someone else's body that has the same name and apparently also the same back as you in this show too. God I loved that show. But still. Wrong show Willy. Wrong show.

We just saw a glimpse of whatever Willy's powers are but not enough to say anything definitively. Amazing. Love it. Let's keep guessing!

Horny boys. Always. Never change. My dear horny boys.

Why is Dean being more helpful towards Jeff than Charlie was.

Who keeps letting this man race when he's injured?

KIMKENTA KIMKENTA KIMKENTA

Or is it KentaKim? Actually I don't care.

Unfortunately, I don't actually care about this race. How could I not care about the racing? What's happened to me?

Oh yay Babe won! Also yay North!!

OH HOHOHOHO NO MORE SENSE? Delayed reaction?? Oh praise bless I love this show.

*if other wins but I have no indication what scene, I will not do a music analysis again this week.

Now I go off to nap.

[metalheadsagainstfascism]

Today's contribution for Disability Pride Month

Obligatory "I don't have this disorder. I'm raising awareness because I'm so fucking sick of women that drink while pregnant bitching about how hard it is being an 'autism mom'". (Autism mom in quotes because a) it's probably not autism and b) the phrase "autism mom" to describe "mom if an autistic kid" is stupid.)

(I'm going to use the term "women" instead of "uterus haver" not to be exclusionary or transphobic. But because I have a severe headache effecting my ability to find words. I am trans-masc. Don't cancel me. I'm not a FART.)

(This is not to demonize people that suffer from alcoholism. Addiction is a very real disability. This is to raise awareness for one of the only known preventable birth defects and hopefully seek help.)

Thank you for the people at @bfpnola discord for checking my post to make sure this doesn't sound eugenics-y.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)

FASD (previously known as fetal alcohol syndrome) is a disability that can range from mild to severe dependant on how much the mother drank while pregnant. It only takes one glass of wine while pregnant to cause this disorder

I already know what the fuck this is. Why are you talking about it?

Because your only know about the severe cases diagnosed as fetal alcohol syndrome. You THINK you know what it is. But the reclassification has only come up in like... 2003? Fetal alcohol syndrome is like... the far end worst severity of FASD. And since the new information of it being a spectrum disorder, estimates have the disorder as high as 5% of the population (and I really think it's higher based on some information I'm about to share).

Fine. So what is this... spectrum disorder?

Very good! So this disorder is HIGHLY misdiagnosed as autism. So all those boomers bitching about "the rates of autism going up?" Yeah they probably caused it. Symptoms include low body weight, facial differences, poor coordination, difficulty maintaining attention, poor memory, poor emotional regulation, slower development, poor reasoning skills, issues with the heart, bones, and kidneys, shorter height, shorter head size,

I have all of those things. How do I know it's FASD and not the autism?

That's kinda the issue. The only real way you can know is ask your mom if there's ANY possibility she's had a drink while she was pregnant. I can't stress this enough IT ONLY TAKES ONE DRINK. For instance I have a lot of those issues, but my mom was so paranoid she wouldn't even dye her hair or drink coffee. Like there's NO WAY.

Like what do I do about it?

Mostly get your accommodations met and raise awareness. Like people are still actively drinking while pregnant because they are still under the pre-2000 belief that just a couple of drinks are okay. It's really not. Not to mention most women don't know they're pregnant until 4-6 weeks in. So they shouldn't be drinking if they're actively trying to have a child. Because that increases the risk.

What the fuck. People are drinking while pregnant? I don't believe you.

Each of these claims are linked.

30.3% of all women reported drinking alcohol at some time during pregnancy, of which 8.3% reported binge drinking (4+ drinks on one occasion)

According to the Center for Disease Control, one in 10 (10.2%) of pregnant women in the United States reports drinking alcohol in the past 30 days.

Despite clear evidence that primary prevention of FASD is possible if prenatal alcohol exposure is avoided, up to 80 % of women drink during pregnancy, many before pregnancy recognition

What? Women are drinking while pregnant? That's fucked up.

This is not to say people with FASD are lesser than.

But all of this "curing autism" when most of this "autism" is caused by a pregnant person's ability to stop fucking drinking for literally 5 minutes. THESE WOMEN THAT ARE DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT ARE THE ONES CAUSING ALL OF THIS GIVING "AUTISM". IF YOU DRANK WHILE PREGNANT. IF THERE'S EVEN A SLIVER OF A CHANCE THAT YOUR DRANK WHILE PREGNANT? ITS PROBABLY NOT AUTISM. ITS PROBABLY THIS DISORDER.

I'm just really fed up with all of these "autism moms" that also make "wine mom" jokes and making light of literal alcoholism bitching about how hard it is to be an "autism mom" because YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. STOP LAUGHING ABOUT YOUR ALCOHOLISM AND PUT THE DAMN GLASS DOWN.

But my parents are literally autistic

So they don't really know the generational effect of FASD because the new knowledge is so new. But since FASD is literally genetic issues caused by alcohol while you're in the womb. It's assumed that it can cause issues that are passed down.

But like this diagnosis is SO NEW that we really don't know much.

-fae

[hazbinsandweirdos]

//Now I want to ramble about Pierre getting with someone on the ace spectrum because he's a hypersexual ho and always ready to go to horny jail

This is entirely dependent on the relationship he gets into because a monogamous relationship is going to be harder for him because he wants his partner to want him, all the time, the same way he wants them but that isn't going to always be the case and he would need to work around some self worth issues, he doesn't normally experience

In an open relationship (maybe just a work purposes situation) he might be better because he can have x amount of sex, outside his person but that would not save him from some feelings of inadequacy or not being enough because they aren't trying to get with him the way he is used to

Pierre also has horny Karen disease and becomes a bitch if it's been longer then he is used to and he doesn't necessarily know he is being a horny Karen he is just bitchier then usual lol

Also he tries his best not to push people he is trying to get with because he doesn't want to look needy or too interested because one wrong move and one of them has caught feelings and then his commitment issues kick in, which can make the situation worse lol

[suitov]

Wrong on Multi Levels (Kamukoma Week '24)

"You attempted to brainwash him," repeated Izuru.

"And it went despairingly wrong."

"And it went wrong."

"I only wanted to show him the joys of despair!"

"I told you to leave him out of your schemes."

"Well, good friends share their toys!" said Junko Enoshima.

"You qualify as neither."

"And anyway it didn't work, so I don't see why you're bitching."

Izuru looked at his property. His property currently had two first-years cornered and was looming over them, trying to sell them 'reasonably-priced' starter kits.

"Interfere with him again and I shall make your life extremely unpleasant and despair-free," he told his omg✨bestie✨5✨eva. And Izuru Kamukura swished away.

---------

"The compensation plan is a little complicated and I'm gay, but I figured it out," Nagito was telling his classmates. "Each month you have two legs and the payout -- well, first I have to explain recruitment..."

"Wh-what's he on about?" whined Mikan. "I-I'm pretty sure he's d-delirious. He keeps talking about things that don't make sense -- more than usual,, I mean,,, like lines down and talentpreneurs--"

"Downline," corrected Izuru, making her shriek by appearing out of nowhere as usual. "Do not buy things from him and do not sign up for things."

"But he r-really wants me to,,, and he looks so sad if you say no,,,, and he said he's only ten sales away from ranking up his m-monthly bonus,,"

"He has an illness," Izuru said. "Recovery depends on his not being encouraged and not dragging others into the delusion."

("Holy shit, you guys!" said Leon, ignoring them on his way to talk to his friends. "I just got an amazing deal on some oils that'll make the chicks flock to me, guaranteed!"

"Guaranteed?" asked Kazuichi.

"And they disinfect your piercings, too!")

---------

"Quit?" repeated Nagito in shock. "But I'm already so successful! Half the school is signed up under my team and my personal sales volume is already at Premium Tiara Peach Passion level even before reinvesting my profits!"

"You are engaged in a business scam and dragging others into it," said Izuru. "Others who, lacking your luck, are 99.7% likely to lose money in this scheme."

"Well... maybe, if you trust the income disclosure documents," said Nagito with scorn. "But you know what I say. Never tell me the odds!"

"You have not said that, ever."

"If you'd just join, you could be my upline," said Nagito, whose eyes were big and practically rippling. "You could lock arms with me and my tribe of boss-Ultimates and change lives all over the world simply by sharing the incredible, organic, cruelty-free, vegan, hope-filled products you love. It would mean a lot to me. Please, hon?"

Izuru, faced with the full wattage of that smile, hesitated.

---------

"Well, you never said you wanted a way to undo it!" whined Ryota.

"You never said it'd go fucky-wucky and make him start a pyramid scheme!"

"It wasn't supposed to! You must've used it wrong!"

"Anyway, cure. Before I start cutting parts off you."

"I can't work in these conditions!" he bleated. "Mukuro's already tried to sell me a diffuser and it's not even morning bell!"

"Huh," said Junko. "Bitch didn't try to sell me a diffuser."

"That's not the point!"

"Just make an undo button for it already, hikikomori."

---------

"Further research," said Izuru, "has revealed that the proper treatment of this disease is to give Nagito Komaeda whatever he wants forever."

"U-um,," replied Mikan.

"And to tell him he is pretty. And cute, and good."

"I-I think it's,, getting worse,,," she told Ibuki.

"That stuff smells gross!" complained Akane.

"Just one drop of basil oil in your pasta will fill you with manly passion!" Nekomaru bellowed down at Teruteru.

"You can't ingest that stuff, cher!"

"You can! It's vegan and organic!"

"So is deadly nightshade..."

"They grow their own lavender!" Nekomaru roared at some fleeing freshmen.

---------

"I'll never live this down," Junko Enoshima moaned, kicking a broken stall off the school walkway.

"At least we stopped it," said Ryota. "And I can go outside again now that stinky stuff isn't giving me asthma attacks."

"I can't believe I saved this freaking school!"

"Um, well, I did all the--"

"And as for Izuru, that backstabbing hoe! Ditching me to play mommy's makeup store with some sickly luck slut!"

"That's not a nice thing to ca--"

"Can't rely on anyone for anything," snarled Junko, pausing to stomp a few discarded vials into an essential oil slick.

Ryota pulled on a face mask hurriedly. "Did anyone actually make any money, you think?"

"Well, I did."

"What? But you didn't even join in all the selling..."

"Bought a 50:50 share in Komaeda's outfit as soon as he started. That guy's luck is something else."

"Does that mean you're going to pay me for any of the work I've done?"

"No," said Junko.

[fluffygiraffe]

PJ can't feel normal guilt or self awareness. Let me explain with a simple invention PJ made before he became a TV Cyborg thing.

PJ wanted to help kids in more than one way. Brain surgery and other diseases for small children under 10 can be devastating to mental development. So he made a beta of a product; Artificial Sentience! It can simulate normal self aware emotions like guilt, pride, jealousy, and many more! It, was of course, a beta, so it was bulky and they used simple drugs that gave dopamine and seratonin to also simulate these emotions until there was a better way for Artificial Intelligence to benefit them. Unfortunately, PJ's accident put a complete halt on it.

After turning into, well, PJ, he couldn't feel these emotions well anymore. His brain didn't work as well as it used to, so with a quick fix, he put said wires and tubes in his head and placed the device under his hat (the wires were loose at first and could disconnect at a head pat!) and poof! He felt... Better? Not normal, but it worked.

Negative Effects.

Guilt - Reward/Punishment system.

Practically, if PJ does something good, the drugs are pumped straight into his head, causing a burst of euphoria. Some things that can be seen as good will be rewarded, causing unintended side effects like an obsession for making friends and making shows (Puzzlevision Arc shows this!). He will chase anything that gives him happiness and will try to amplify it by milking it to death. If something stops giving happiness, he'll panic and cry, then simply give up, finding something else to make him happy. If PJ does something bad, he doesn't get anything. When this happens, he gets stressed and has a melt down, like a child. He'll apologize, cry, and try to fix the bad thing. If this melt down state continues for too long, this is what will happen:

"Fixing" a bad mental state.

PJ doesn't like to be unhappy, so if he feels a slight sadness, dopamine will insert itself into the brain, causing him to go back to the Normal PJ Persona! But if he's really unhappy or angry, too much dopamine and seratonin can enter his brain, causing temporary psychosis (Puzzlevision Arc yet again!). He can do things such as pulling off robotic body parts (tail, fingers, antennae, dials on TV, etc...), do things without thinking, a heightened want for control and/or friends, screaming and crying while also laughing, and breaking things.

Poor simulations of other emotions, but a need for it.

PJ's jealousy is just severe anger, his pride is just euphoria, and his guilt is just the deprevation of happy emotions. His mind is broken and battered beyond repair. The worst part is he's dependant on it to give him happiness, as he cannot feel normal happiness on his own. As well as these other emotions, he's practically emotionless without it. But that's highly simplifying it, as nobody can be TRULY emotionless. There can be emptiness (depression), sure, but that's emotion. But all in all, do not remove it. It will do more harm than good.

TL;DR; somebody get this bitch with brain damage therapy damn