#bit of a reputation. but the gap gets harder to close when we're all disconnected. i think a neutral facilitator would solve much of this

[electriccenturies]

Okay, so the other day I was talking about how there's two "detransition" subreddits, right? One that's unfortunately full of never-transitioned transphobes, and one that has practically zero detrans people because it so aggressively prioritizes the feelings of trans people over the feelings of detrans people (for a long time they didn't even have any detrans mods, if that gives you a clue of why this subreddit exists in the first place).

I can't really handle either of them these days, so I usually just Avoid, but some people on twitter were making fun of a post on the second ("good") one, and I really had something to say to the OP so I went and replied... and I think it's SO. TELLING. that of the replies, mine was the only one from a detransitioned person... and mine was also the only one the OP responded to (and said it was helpful).

I say this all to point out how strange and sick it is that hurting, questioning trans people get pointed to this "good" and "virtuous" resource that WILL NOT HELP THEM AT ALL, and does not even have the primary goal of helping them! It certainly happened to me.

This person specifically was posting about how they want to dress feminine all of a sudden and are starting to think that they just feel too fat to be pretty, not actually that they don't want that... and if I hadn't happened to see other people being mean about it, the only advice this person struggling with body image would have gotten would be to "embrace femininity" by waxing, wearing makeup, and dressing for their body... which is not actually addressing what they're saying!

Instead of what they actually WANTED to be told, which was that those feelings have nothing to do with gender, so dressing differently, or trying to be seen as pretty, will never solve them.

This isn't about me or any other detransitioner being in the right place at the right time, though — it's about the fact that I *don't* like to go on this subreddit, and neither do any detrans people I know who have feelings more Complicated than just "I'm glad I tried it". There's few opportunities for our knowledge to mix. That is why there need to be real, facilitated detrans support groups — preferably irl — where people can discuss (unfortunately) taboo ideas like mental illness causing dysphoria, and the possibility that some of us (unconsciously) transitioned as a coping mechanism.