#bishismynewfavoriteword

[riadark]

WWYD

I have started to come up with ideas for monthly adventures. Here are my top three:

-a month of apologies

-a month of art

-a month of foraging

What would you do?

Speaking of, what would you do in the this situation? Yesterday, I was on a two lane part of our main vein street here, and as is the case with many a town, named High Street. At some sections, it turns into a single lane and if you are caught off guard, let’s say there are no signs, or you are trying to get your kids to stop arguing over Garfield comics, or you are just spaced out thinking about what are we are going to have for dinner tonight, you might miss it; fortunately, I am not alone. Other cars calmly and mildly merged as this lane asphyxiation was happening but there was one car that took it upon herself to NOT.

In case you, you rude crazed woman, are reading this, merging is when cars from both lanes take turns to come together into one lane. Not sure what your deal was/is, but you decided to speed up and forcefully close the gap that existed for my car’s turn and honked and created a dangerous situation. Had my children not been in the car, I would have nudged my car into the spot and you would have hit it and your insurance would be fixing my car and I don’t pay deductibles where I go to get mine fixed AND if it isn’t by fault, I get a cash kickback. Alas, my children left me bereft of mo dolla bills. 

Bitch is now in the lane and I am stuck out in the middle like a sore thumb. Soooooo, I rolled down the window to ask you, “Have you never heard of merging before???” To which she put up her middle finger. So I rolled down the back windows to show her that there are children watching (our windows are tinted), and told her she was bat shit crazy and with my inside voice I remarked, “You really need to get laid but with that attitude no one will touch you. Your Catch 22 sucks bish.” And she started to freak that I was in her face and then she did my favorite move of all, she picks up her phone like she is calling the cops about some crazy person accosting her. Not like I’ve seen that before or anything. Or have I?

What’s a woman to do? I sped up to the left turning lane, waited for green and proceeded past the intersection. Now before you try to go there with the, “I can’t believe that you would cut someone else off after you complained about the same thing and your kids were in the car,” and I imagine it being said with Jim Gaffigan’s standup voice that he does to express the possible dissenting opinions in the audience about his comedic performance topics-- there were TWO lanes. So save it for your church group post-sermon coffee. 

Of course some brake checks ensued and she kept a very very very respectful distance. She may have been afraid. If that is the case, then I will have succeeded. Don’t be mean for no reason woman. Karma, or Ria, will get you. 

Feb 23- Headed out to see a live show tonight to support a fellow station guy and friend and possibly canvass some more guests for my show You Inc. and I am pumped about my new second sister show which premiers tonight at 9:01pm on 90.5FM!!!