#bisexual dale cooper save me

[forthegothicheroine]

How other great detectives would solve the case of the Maltese Falcon

A series I do sometimes.

Poirot: He would not take the case from Brigid because once Poirot has been lied to, he finds it very difficult to believe the liar a second time.  He would not take the case from Joel Cairo because Poirot is not a common jewel thief.  He would not take the case from Gutman because Poirot does not appreciate being threatened with guns by underage hooligans.  Despite saying all these things, he finds himself repeatedly kidnapped and instructed to find the bird, which he determines easily is a fake because anyone who has ever handled jewelry knows it is not perfectly smooth.  Let us hope for all involved that Hastings did not get killed like Miles Archer did, or they would all be facing hell’s fury.

Miss Fisher: Let’s get this out of the way first- who is she supposed to sleep with here?  Theoretically any of these criminals could be bisexual, but look me in the eye and honestly tell me they’re her type.  Anyway, she can’t help but get a little excited at such a grand adventure, but not being blinded by the fog of lust, she can see that none of these people should be trusted.  She installs the fake falcon as a charming statement piece in her parlor, and Jack arrests Gutman and Cairo frantically clawing at a piece of tacky sculpture.  Again, let’s hope Dot didn’t go the way of Archer or there would be blood.  (She wouldn’t- Dot is much more cautious than Archer, or Hastings for that matter.)

Dale Cooper: They’d never find the falcon.  This is not intended as a slight against Cooper- he’s a clever and hardworking fellow- but between the falcon’s already convoluted journey and Cooper’s personal bad luck and eccentric methods of determining who to question, this is not a case that’s getting wrapped up neatly.  The whole story would be spent ping-ponging between potential falcon havers as they try to kill each other for unrelated reasons, and if Cooper is lucky, he’ll survive to say that maybe the real falcon was the greed in the hearts of men.

Sam Vimes: With Vimes’s luck, the falcon will probably be cursed.  Not just figuratively, but honest-to-the-gods cursed.  He’s essentially trying to save the thieves from themselves here, not that they’re making it easy for him.  Brigid at least figures out pretty early that he’s happily married and not the cheating type, and so portrays herself as a hard-luck girl who just wants to disentangle herself from a mess.  By the time she gets actually physically possessed by the spirit of the falcon, she’s only too happy to be arrested.

Philip Marlowe: Marlowe’s thoughts on Joel Cairo and Wilmer would probably be rather snide and poorly primed for aging, but not being a bully like Spade he wouldn’t be looking for opportunities to beat them up.  Brigid would prompt a several page essay on the different categories of redheads, at the end of which he would decide she was one of the shifty ones.  Most of the book is a series of long conversations on the history of art and literature with Gutman, who is pleased to have finally found a man with whom he can trade eloquent speeches.

Kinsey Millhone: Kinsey was hired by the family of the slain Russian art dealer to find the falcon, and from there on she finds herself being followed by the strangest sort of people.  Brigid appeals to her as one clever girl to another, and suggests they team up in their search before any of the professional slimeballs can get their hands on it.  Kinsey is really sad to realize Brigid has been playing her because she thought she’d found a friend, but hey, that’s life when you’re Kinsey Millhone.

Miss Marple: Joel Cairo was a “dear friend” of one of her grand-nephews, so she invites him over for tea and scones.  They chatter together about innocuous old lady things like world traveling and antiques, and once she figures out his profession might be larcenous, she plants the seed in his head that she would be happy to look out for any pretty little bird statues she sees in shop windows.  She has a very similar conversation with Gutman, who is delighted to meet someone who already knows that odd little story about the King of Spain and his lost falcon.  Wilmer thinks she’s a nosy old broad but his patron doesn’t want him beating up an old lady, so what can he do?  She knows everything in a matter of hours.

[studeranden]

i was tagged to a few tag games by few people and i decided to combine them all in one post :D

tagged by @studyingwithjongin, @marieriestudies, @taehyungnotes, @spanishland, @jiinkookie

i’m tagging @serenitatistudy, @studyirene, @cogniticn, @ashstudeying, @highlighteurs, @janetstudies (you guys can decide which ones you want to do ! and of course you can skip all these tag games if you want to)

rules: list 10 goals you have for the next 10 years, write it down or save it somewhere you can find it again, then tag 10 people.

1. living abroad

i’d really like to live abroad!! either study or work, or even both !!

2. study something that makes me happy

theater, history and languages are all big passions of mine and i’d like to study one of them

3. see bts live

asgjhakLQA this is a big goal of mine. i’d really like to see them live some day

4. go on a big roadtrip with my friend group

i mean once i turn 18 and get my drivers license we’re going to drive across the country

5. TRAVEL

i want to travel all over the world

6. be in a happy relationship

this one speaks to itself. i really want to be happy with someone!

7. maybe write a book

i love literature. writing a book has been a life long dream of mine

8. make everyone around me happy

the world is a cold place and i just want to see my friends and family happy

9. get fluent in french

my no. 1 target language. of course i want to be fluent in it!!

10. be in an environment where it’s 100% safe to come out

i just want to be 100% me for everyone!

rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better.

Nicknames: lil d (ahasjfka it comes from my last name)

Gender: girl

Star sign: pisces sun cancer moon

Height: 180cm

Time: it’s 16.17

Birthday: march 6

Favourite bands: bts!!!!!! and shinee

Favourite solo artists: iu, suran

Song stuck in my head: hmm i don’t have a song stuck in my head at the moment

Last movie watched: gone girl

Last show watched: how i met your mother

When did I create my blog: november this year!

What do I post: studyblr and langblr stuff

Last thing I googled: nico laitinen 

Do you have other blogs: my main blog that works as an aes/personal/kpop blog

Do you get asks: sometimes

Why did you choose your url: jung hoseok is my ult bias so it’s like jung hoseok + study

Following blogs: 256

Followers: 107

Favorite colors: pink, really bright red, bright blue, bright yellow. i love the combination of bright primary colors

Average hours of sleep: 6

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: ukulele, guitar, bass

What am I wearing: a pastel pink/pastel blue striped sweater and pastel blue/white striped pyjama pants

How many blankets I sleep with: 2

Dream job: smthn to do with history ?? or fashion?

Dream trip: iceland!

Favorite food: sushi and avocado pasta

Nationality: finnish

Favorite song now: taemin - stone heart

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better or just because you feel like it.

Relationship status: single

Favorite color: pink, red, blue yellow

Lipstick or chapstick: lipgloss!!

Last song I listened to: oh god this is embarassing but litmas by jake paul

Last movie I watched: gone girl

Top 3 TV Shows: twin peaks, stranger things, x files

Top 3 Characters: audrey horn, dale cooper, barney stinson

Top 3 Bands: bts, shinee, one direction

Books I’m reading: none right now

Name: ava

Nickname: lil d (jhahKhfsK)

Zodiac sign: pisces sun cancer moon

Height: 180cm

Orientation: bisexual

Nationality: finnish

Favourite fruit: tangerines and mangos

Favourite season: autumn

Favourite book: demian by hermann hesse or the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde

Favourite flower: sunflowers

Favourite scent: cherries

Favourite colour: pink, red, yellow, blue

Favourite animal: cats!!

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: tea

Average hours of sleep: 6

Cats or dogs: cats!!!

Number of blankets you sleep with: two

Dream trip: iceland

Blog created: november this year

Follower count: 10