#billzbillzbillz

[melissadeckert]

Luxury Bill

[weeklyhumorist]

The Social Media Intern’s Deleted Tweet Drafts

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Hey mom and dad! Look at me! I’m getting #paid to #tweet from this #brand’s account! Isn’t that #cool? #intern #job #marketing #brand #socialmedia #college

Hey again mom and dad! Actually, could I borrow some money? The job is going great, but #groceries are #expensive, you know? Do you guys have @Venmo? #intern #brand #socialmedia #college #studentdebt #billzbillzbillz

Hello everyone! Our brand has started a fund raiser! This is totally for our brand and not for our social media intern, who has twelve dollars right now. #intern #socialmedia #college #studentdebt #ihave12ollarsrightnow #igotdrunkandspent90dollarsonanuber

In our newest blog post, our social media intern shares with us his favorite recipe: yogurt and ramen! It’s his favorite because it’s all he’s eaten all summer so he might as well try eating it at the same time! #intern #socialmedia #studentdebt #hehas10dollarsnow #hehaslost15pounds

The weather at our office today is cloudy with a chance of #sobbing into a cereal bowl in the gender-neutral bathroom! #agency #intern #studentdebt #cereal #thetasteofdefeat

Interested in working for a company with super comfy couches? We’re excited to say that we are NOT that place! Our couches are as comfortable as a sidewalk covered in pointy garbage. My back is even tighter than my budget! Ha ha! #intern #internlife #couches #sleepingintheagency #ibefriendedthecleaningguy #hisnameisgene

Hey Google: Is it legal to sell my company’s couch and keep the money? Damnit, Google, no! Don’t tweet that!

Hey mom and dad! Me again! Just curious- why did you bring me into this world of #suffering? #intern #parenting #life #thecircleoflife #theblackholeoflife #lifeisjustablackholewaitingtoswallowus

Are you there @God? It’s me, the social media #intern. Just circling back on that whole “life is a black hole” thing we discussed. Have you had a chance to review? Please advise. Thx.

Fuck it, I can’t do this anymore. I’m walking out right now. This is my last tweet. Fuck the man! Fuck capitalism! Fuck social media!

Hey @Wendys you guys are lit lol!!! #brands #marketing #lit

The Social Media Intern’s Deleted Tweet Drafts was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[themadcapmathematician]

for your youtuber Bill au do you think he would ask his subscribers to send him things like human bones and other questionable, possibly occult things?

yesssssAnd then he does haul videos for them lmfao “FIRST UP WE HAVE THIS HUMAN FINGER, DONATED KINDLY BY DEMONDONALDDUCK74′ -gives it a squish- “BOY HOWDY, IT’S SURE FRESH!” -peers into the bag- “WE ALSO HAVE A BAG FULL OF MOUSE HEADS FROM BILLZBILLZBILLZ (ALWAYS USEFUL), SOME LOVELY GRAVEN IMAGES OF MY HANDSOME FACE FROM AN ANONYMOUS ADMIRER, AND…WHAT IS THIS…OH MY, IS THIS A JUICE BOX? BUT FILLED WITH STRAIGHT VODKA??? AW YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!” -pops straw into his mouth and immediately starts chugging it- “REMEMBER THAT ANYONE IS WELCOME TO SEND IN FUN THINGS TO ME AND I’LL DO ANOTHER HAUL VIDEO! JUST DRAW A LITTLE TRIANGLE ON THE PACKAGE IN HUMAN BLOOD (YOUR OWN, SOMEONE ELSE’S, DOESN’T MATTER) AND LEAVE IT IN A HOLLOW TREE STUMP IN THE DEEPEST PART OF YOUR LOCAL FOREST, CHANTING MY NAME BACKWARDS! IF YOU LIVE IN THE CITY, I RECOMMEND JUST SLIPPING IT INTO A SEWER GRATE, THE MOLE PEOPLE POST SERVICE WILL KNOW WHO IT’S FOR” 

[sopranoforsocialjustice]

#tbt #billzbillzbillz

[pussywil-low]

Its payday mothafuckasss

So my first check isn't much but I only worked three days. Next week I work almost everyday. FUCK yes.

[thedaypass]

I got the Oroton job. Here comes the green yo! 

[thedaypass]

So i have had my eye on these two watches for a lonnnnng time.

Now I have a job, i am considering attempt to have a little side fund for either of these watches.... Possibly both, as I am greedy like that. They are the following:

Uniform Wares £165.00

Still cannot decide which one I want though... 

(First world problems.)

AND/OR

I saw this when it was in the concept stage, and now it's buyable i am creamin' ma jeans. 

AYE AYE AYYYYYYYE! I WANT THEM BOTH!

But due to traveling to Korea and the such, I think the Uniform Wares may be more affordable and more appropriate with outfits.

Sugar daddy?

[thedaypass]

My bladder is screaming at me, but the internet is far more important right now.

SO MUCH TO DO TODAY! Sigh.

[thedaypass]

I just spent an hour and a half dying my hair out of necessity and pure laziness. There was a point where I was just going to let it grow out because the idea of using my hands for anything other than grasping apples or cups of beverage was not worth the effort. 

Nb. It usually only takes 30 minutes.

Although now I want to cut my hair. Last time I cut my own hair it wasn't that impressive. The hairdresser laughed and said she couldn't fix it....

BUT I'M FEELING CONFIDENT!

(I started panicking about Korea last night. So many things to organise and pay for, so little time!)