#billy hargrove x unnamed fem!reader

[pappydaddy]

Addicted (b.h.)

A/N: I’m back (probably going to not post another story for a while again tho so, sorry!😂) This is inspired by Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco. This was originally supposed to be Steve, but when I started writing it, I just felt like it didn’t fit him and Billy just kinda felt write. I’m not really sure how the idea came up to make this about Billy but oh well!

PS: Trying some new things with the formatting with this one (GIF, indent, keep reading, etc) and I think I kinda like it!! Might keep doing them!

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Unnamed Fem!Reader Trigger Warnings: Talk about addiction (drug, nicotine, etc) in a metaphorical sense but still there, angst!!!! Unrequited feelings, FWB relationship - I think I got it all! masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation - not my gif -

He knew he’d die for her. It was a side effect of loving her. It was like smoking. You crave the taste of nicotine even though you know full well that it will kill you. Billy craved her like he craved his cigarettes. She started out like one of his many other conquests, but after one night with her, he was hooked. He felt this high that he had never felt before. He was chasing the dragon so to speak. When his lips crashed to hers that night, it was like the first time he had taking a drag from one of his father’s cigarettes (that he had left haphazardly after throwing the pack against the dining table). 

  After that fateful clashing of their lips, Billy had felt like the roles were reversed. Instead of her being the one to follow him around, begging for at least one last hit of him, he was following her around - desperate for another high. By some grace of God, though Billy wasn’t spiritual in anyway, she wasn’t too much like him and let them develop a friends with benefits relationship. The only thing: she will never love him. She made that abundantly clear after every secret meeting they had. Like a drug dealer and the needy junkie. No relationship aside from their “professional” relationship. 

  Billy could still taste her cherry flavoured lip balm was he laid there in his bed. She sat on the edge of his bed, throwing her clothes back on. He watched her, still somewhat blissed out from the height of his high, the crushing repercussion and neediness soon to come crashing on top of him in a few hours. She combed her fingers through her hair, inspecting herself in the mirror as she did. He quickly darted his eyes away from her incase she noticed him stare in the mirror, not wanting her to know that he had caught feelings for her. 

  “See you in two days,” She asked, standing up as she slipped her shoes on. He looked up at her, seeing her occupied with digging around her purse for her car keys. Billy knew she wasn’t good for him, that their relationship wasn’t good for him, but it was like a drug he couldn’t get enough of. He wanted it so bad that he didn’t even care. She pulled the keys from her bag, looking up at him, waiting his answer. He wanted to quit her, but he couldn’t. Each time he’d fall from his high, he’d swear the next time was the last time, but he never fallowed through - never told her he wanted it to end. She leaned over, pressing a parting kiss to his lips. It was gentle as the cherry taste attacked his mouth again. “Billy?” She hummed as his mind went fuzzy, getting his dose of her. 

  He only hummed in response, too absorbed in the fuzzy feeling encapsulating his body, every fiber, every nerve in his body vibrating until they burst with light. She stood up, sliding her bag onto her shoulder and made her way towards the door with a clearing of her throat. His eyes snapped open, watching as she reached for the door handle. He gulped down the lump in his throat, knowing he needed to end this. Every time he came down from his high, with every kiss, he felt himself being weighted down with his unrequited feelings for her. “I actually don’t think we should see each other anymore,” He blurted out. It was better for him to leave rather than her replace him with someone she actually loved. She snapped her head to look back at him, her eyebrows raised in shock, her mouth falling open slightly. “We can meet in two days, but never again after that.” He stood strong, He knew how these things went, he was in her position before, having someone love you when you just wanted to be friends who fucked. Two days turned into four days, four days turned into next week until they never thought of you again and you were left without your drug - in a constant withdrawal. 

  “Oh,” She muttered, still shocked. Billy swallowed thickly, starting to regret ending things with her. “I understand. One last time then no contact?” She bargained as if she had been through this before. She could have very well been through this many times, Billy had no idea. After all, how much did they really know about one another? It wasn’t like they ever talked. He nodded, trying to come off as sure, but it was more like he wanted to agree before he backed out. 

  “One more hit and then cut all ties.” He agreed. She nodded with a soft exhale through her nose. For a second, he felt like she might have feelings for him back from her reaction, but she then shrugged it off as if it were nothing. Pushing down on the door handle, she glanced back at him before opening his door. 

  “See you in two days.” And with that, she opened the door, slipping out before gently closing it behind her. He swallowed thickly again. 

  “Two days. One more time, never again.” He whispered to himself, trying to convince himself that he could do this. He could quit her. Quit her for good. Because she was worse than any drug - too addictive.