#billions of unreachable people i will rot here far far away from them watching the shadows on the wall pretending i could be one too
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ive been in a very questionable mental state recently
#taking a wider look of the kinds of things i have been saying#has been concerning#im worried about relapsing into old habits#im worried about watching myself relapse into old habits#its like seeing a car crash in slow motion and i feel just as powerless and detached from the scene#i pick up the pieces after someone else getting more and more suspicious that something is going to go wrong#but its just me#me myself and i and this deep disconnect between the three#i am the forest and i am the fire and i am the witness watching it etc as it goes#i cant help but wonder what happens next i have a feeling im about to see the passing of a point of no return#the lucky part is i dont really think i can get more insane than i already am#things can certainly feel much much much much worse than this and i hope it doesnt but i dont have much control over that#but i mean like#not get worse but actually just be fucking cracked i dont think theres any duct taped prop filled stages upon stages of visions that stand#between me and the 'real' world left to build or burn down i think for some of us the deck is stacked and were fucked from the beginning#a billion sets and strings stretch off into the distance before i can see my own hands in front of my own face#its already over for me and thats fine#billions of unreachable people i will rot here far far away from them watching the shadows on the wall pretending i could be one too#its fine#life is what you make of it anyway#so i really dont mind#all of this probably reads very silly#and its because it is very silly#i just hope no one gets hurt
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