#bilco birthday fic

[billiamanddominico]

Dom’s Birthday

Dom kicked the door of his country house open with one boot.

The loud creak of the decaying wooden door echoed loudly throughout the house. There was no noise after that.

It’s silent here, Dom remembered thinking, too silent.

“Billy?” he called out, “Sweetheart, are ya with me?”

No response.

Dom adjusted his golden sheriff badge. This was a case for Sheriff Dom.

He searched every corner of their old country house, but Bill was nowhere to be seen.

"Well I'll be," Dom scratched his head, "Where in tarnation is that man?"

Dom jumped onto his loyal steed, Skskstallion (Billy named her), and rode off into the sunset,   swearing to find his lost love.

He rode all throughout the camp, calling for his Billy. He asked Fishy Frank, but all he got in response was a "Blub, blub," and other various fish noises.

Dom, then, rode out to the circus, where Clown was practicing one liners.

When Clown saw him, he ran over in his squeaky shoes. "What's the matter, babe? Bill getting you down again?"

Dom sighed. "No, he's missing. Have you seen my pardner?"

"Oh Dom," Leandro stepped awfully close, "Why don't you forget about the skskstupid boy? You could be with a real man, like me," The clown gave his nose a honk to show the sheriff he was worthy.

Dom would've blushed, but now was not the time. His pardner was missing.

"Clown, I love you, but Billy is missing! As a sheriff of the west, it is my duty to keep crime at bay."

He rode off, concluding the search unsuccessful.

Dom and Skskstalion headed out to Cabin 3, the cabin where Perky Johnson stayed. It was the cabin for children of Sassyseidon, the god of sass, but Perky was the only occupant.

"Perky, have you seen my pardner?" Dom asked

Perky was lying upside down on his bunk bed. Ennabeth Chase was taking selfies next to them, all tagged with #ughihatemylife

"Your PARDNER?" Perky laughy obnoxiously, "THAT'S G A Y"

A random dude with a Calvin Klein blue t-shirt and khakis burst out of a corner of the fourth wall.

The scene froze, like a video. The dude was the only one unfrozen.

He looked a lot like...Dom?

"I'm not gay! I only had two boyfriends! Why do you have to make everything gay?

After the straight guy finished his little heterosexual rant, the sceen unfroze

"Well, out here in the range", Dom said unperturbed,"we don't do straight".

"But, nevermind all that!" Dom had no time to waste on this closeted disaster of a man, "Have you seen my Billy? He's about this tall, lots of scrunchies, saves turtles, has a hydroflasksksk?"

Perky looked at the sheriff in confusion.

"Perhaps he tried to stab you with a metal straw?" Dom ventured.

Perky grinned. "Well, I did see a dude with a hydroflasksksk."

"Really?!" Dom exclaimed, losing his serious sheriff demeanor for a second.

Perky started giggling. "Nope! You just got PERSASSIED!" Pixelated sunglasses slid onto his face as he posed.

Ennabeth shook her head and groaned.

Dom trudged away sadly, and hugged Skskstallion's main, "Oh fiddlesticks," He sighed, "We'll never find my Billy at this rate."

Skskstallion neighed mournfully. Dom forgot sometimes that the horsie loved Billy as much as he did, maybe even more.

Then he heard a noise. He didn't think much of it. It sounded like a snake, but there were many of those in their old country camp. Dom came to realize, though, it wasn't a snake. It was a familiar "Sksksksk".

He followed the noise like a dowsing rod until he found a creek. In the creek were several turtles. His Billy was crouched next to them, slipping velvet scrunchies onto their necks, excitedly.

His baby hands worked rapidly, fitting the scrunchies onto the pleased turtles. Dom wasn't sure whether that was good for the turtles or not, but he was just glad to see his Billy.

"Billy!" Dom rejoiced.

He felt like throwing his arms around his beloved and kissing him but he restrained. He was a sheriff of the wild west, after all.

"Billy, what in tarnation are you doing here?", he asked.

"Oh Dom sksk," Billy came forward to give Dom a hug, "You're quite the skskdetective aren't you?"

Dom blushed under the pride. "What are ya doing here, babe?"

Billy smiled shyly. "It's your birthday, sksksheriff. Did you skskforget?"

"Oh darn! It never crossed my mind," He facepalmed, "I was too busy lookin' for ya, pardner!"

Billy kissed him on the cheek. "The rest of the gang was covering up your sksksurprise party! Come, babesksksk"

Aaand then Clown Leandro set everything on fire like the jealous pyromaniac he is. 

The End.

Authors: @chaotic-and-friendly and Queven