#bijuu don't even have blood but Anakin's has more in common with THEM than with humans
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ok. karin vs anakin's genome being 50% the Force. go
Jesus fuck, okay. Uh, fair warning, I know very little about this subject, so itâs 90% bullshit. I am in no way qualified to talk about biology past the high school level.
Anakin's sixteen. He's part of a set of Jedi assigned to a weird mission regarding making contact with an isolated planet of near-humans with superpowers but no space travel. He doesnât really have a Job here and now, heâs just there as Obi-Wanâs plus-one. There's an underlying plot about Sidious trying to acquire people from Ninja Land, but none of the Jedi are fully aware of it. Mostly they're distracted by all the ninjas and their bitching.
They call it the Shinobi Planet, because nobody can agree on a name for the planet when they ask and the last major international alliance was named after the shinobi profession, right? Good enough, you can change it later when you idiots can agree on literally anything, oh my god. The Samurai are very offended and it's a whole thing.
Anakin wanders a lot. He runs into various strange people and is mostly polite because, listen, half his friends are distinctly not human. When your immediate circle includes nautolans and besalisks and twiâleks and whatever the fuck Yoda is, youâre not gonna blink at a Hoshigaki or... uh... okay that kid just turned into a giant fox, is anybody gonna--no? Thatâs normal? Just him? Cool, cool, cool.
Thereâs a kage summit involved in the negotiations going on. IDK whatâs being negotiated, probably something to get the ninjas to set up a singular spaceport so thereâs somewhere to land WITHOUT ships being regularly shot down by village defense systems powered by that massive flaming purple skeleton warrior or the girl who punched down a mountain or the.. the literal desert? Thereâs a guy that can control the desert? Is there any way of keeping him away from Anakin?
(Gaaraâs tickled pink that the reason someone wants to stay away from him has nothing to do with fear or respect for authority, and everything to do with âhe is also from the desert and fucking hates it, so heâs staying away from the sand powers,â because itâs very novel and kind of funny.)
ANYWAY where was I. Uh. Right, kage summit, lots of villages, they invite smaller villages to pitch in, but nobody ever ever ever wants Orochimaru anywhere near this situation, for hopefully obvious reasons, so Otogakure sends Karin.
Really, who else was it gonna be? Suigetsu? You want Suigetsu representing you on an interstellar political field? You want Juugo before heâs stabilized? You want Sasuke, master of ruining kage summits? You want these idiots representing you at the big kidsâ table?
They send Karin. Sheâs a bitch with a temper, but at least sheâs not as big of a political risk as... literally anyone else from the snakepit.
Anyway, Anakin wanders around, meeting people, trying foods, showing off when asked for demonstrations. He doesnât have an Entire Protocol Droid, but he did cobble together a little floating helper that can do translations for him. Assume all translations are accurate and being done by the little helper bot. Botâs name is G1-0T. Anakin calls it Glot.
He runs into Karin at one point, whoâs not super into the whole situation, but at least Anakinâs interesting. Sheâs not interested in him, because heâs sixteen and sheâs like... mid-twenties. And his hair is stupid. But! All these force-sensitive people feel weird to her, because sensor stuff, and itâs not chakra but itâs... something. Anakin is, of course, the weirdest.
(There are non-sensitives in the envoy, so she knows itâs not just a space thing.)
She strikes up a conversation about it, because hey, she hasnât made it this far to not lean into... you know, being the kind of person who barges ahead with Weird Questions that might lead into fun science stuff.
Anakin is like. Well. This womanâs very strange, but itâs not like thereâs anything against talking about midichlorians to random people. Itâs easy enough to look up in the core. Not everyone knows about them, but itâs not a secret or anything.
âWow,â Karin says, though not in so many words, âthat sounds incredibly strange, and actually a lot like it functions completely differently from chakra, though maybe it intersects with nature chakra somehow. Can I take a blood sample?â
Anakin doesnât want to give a blood sample to a stranger. Karin isnât stupid enough to try to steal one. Sheâs seen what this Force Stuff can do, and this kidâs got a lot of it. She hasnât got enough information on hand about it to know if heâd notice.
âHow about I let you look at the blood of a guy that can turn into water?â Karin asks, because sheâs not going to let him look at her blood. âIâve got it with me.â
â...why?â Anakin asks, reasonably disturbed.
âHe owes me,â she says, and does not elaborate.
âWhat, thereâs nothing weird about your blood to share?â Anakin demands, like the ornery little bastard he is.
âPeople took my blood against my will for over a decade,â Karin says, with the kind of smile that threatens a stabbing. This is not secret information. Her healing factor is in the bingo book. Plenty of people still want her dead. âNobody gets my blood except me.â
Anakin has no idea what to do with that answer. Most people wouldnât know what to do with that answer. Itâs not exactly a standard answer.
âSo there is something weird about your--e chu ta what the fuck are those scars?â
Karin looks at her arm. She looks back at him. She raises an eyebrow.
âWhat do you think they are?â
He stares a little longer, and then very carefully does not say anything as she pushes her sleeve back down.
âSo can I look at your blood?â she asks again.
âUh--â
âYou can look at mine under a microscope,â she wheedles. âYou canât take any, though.â
Anakin... does eventually agree. Eventually.
-----------
There is a very angry redhead yelling at a machine, and Anakin does not know what to do.
âIs something wr--â
âWhat the fuck is your blood?â she demands. âItâs glowing in ultraviolet. It burned the dye up. I tried to sequence your genome--â
âWoah, I did not agree to that.â
â--and look at this. Look at this!â
âI donât know how to read your graphs. None of this is a language I know.â
âItâs garbage,â she hisses at him. Glot takes a few moments to process it. âLook at this. This is supposed to--fuck, whereâs the Jiraiya file, heâs standard--this is what itâs supposed to look like for most humans with chakra. And this is a civilian, and a few bloodline users--â
âDo you just carry these around with you?â
âShut up, you donât exist. You have--you have more in common with summons than people. I ran a blood test on one of your human diplomats, the ones that arenât monks--â
âWhen did they agree to that?â
âThey didnât, Iâm just sneaky.â
âI should tell Obi-W--â
âSTAY THERE, IâM NOT DONE YELLING YET. Do you see this? Do you see this shit? This is the one and only time Iâve managed to perform any kind of analysis on a bijuu. They donât usually have blood. Shukaku is sand. Matatabi is literally just fire. This was almost impossible to make happen, but I did it because Iâm a dedicated biomedical resea--â
âBecause youâre unhinged.â
â--rcher, and you know what? You know what Iâve found?â
âWhat?â
âYour blood looks like youâre half demon,â she says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking, a little wild-eyed and clearly pissed at him. âHalf of itâs human! Half of it looks like the non-physical chakra manifestations that were torn-apart remnants of a godlike demon. The fuckers canât die. They also canât breed. They donât have reproductive organs! This isnât just demon-tainted like a jinchuuriki, Iâve got that analyzed--â
âWhy?â
âBecause my cousinâs a moron, donât change the subject. You--you shouldnât exist. Your blood is stupid. Fuck, is this what Iâd find if I analyzed the Sage of the Six Paths?â
âThe what?â
She ignores him, frowning at papers. âIs--I need to call Haruno, she might still have some of Kaguyaâs blood dried on her old gloves from the war, I know she kept those as a souvenir from the whole âpunched a godâ thing.â
âIâm sorry, the what?â
âThere was a thing a few years back, godlike alien demon princess who got sealed into a moon by her sons a thousand years ago, but her immortal sentient goo child brought her back with a giant tree that consumed all the tailed beasts-the flaming fox you saw earlier is one of them--and then used a giant eyeball to reflect off the moon to put everyone in a hallucination at the same time so she could eat our life-forces,â Karin dismisses. âItâs not important.â
âThere is--what?â
Jedi see many things. Many of those things are very strange.
This is a little much even for Anakin.
âItâs over, if you want the actual details, talk to my idiot cousin,â she huffs. âBut now I need to run comparisons between the actual nonsense that is your entire existence and the actual nonsense that is my cousinâs existence, and maybe Sasukeâs... fuck this is going to be a mess, Iâm going to have to cross-reference all the clans with bloodlines we know are derived from Kaguya, sheâs the only angle we have on gods like that, unless... maybe thereâs still some black Zetsu goo somewhere... Orochimaru must have kept a sample...â
âUh, can I--can I go? Iâm not comfortable here.â
âI need to find Naruto so he can call the Sage of the Six Paths out of the afterlife so I can see if I can get blood from a ghost to compare to yours.â
#Anakin Skywalker#Uzumaki Karin#Karin#Karin Uzumaki#Naruto#star wars#mini fic#Phoenix Posts#Phoenix Answers Asks#this is so stupid and I have no idea what I'm talking about#bijuu don't even have blood but Anakin's has more in common with THEM than with humans
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