#bigwomen

[healingmyshadow]

Embracing Vulnerability

What triggers feelings of vulnerability and how do you react or respond to these feelings?

To my understanding, feeling vulnerable means to feel exposed. So when I feel exposed and vulnerable, I believe I tend to get a bit defensive - or at least that's how I've been told I come across. I put up artificial walls since my natural ones are knocked down. I have never really given much thought to how I react or respond to feeling vulnerable, but I suppose that is my reaction: to put up a wall.

The more I think about this, the more I realize that it is definitely okay to put up walls, it's just not okay to be a dick about it. Just because I am defending myself doesn't mean I need to react defensively toward others who may not have any idea what I'm going through. I need to be considerate of others during my own moments of vulnerability. It is a good time to practice self-awareness.

[221177]

Art to Make us Laugh @artywaldy Brilliant new exhibition BIG WOMEN at Colchester’s stunning Art Gallery @firstsitecolchester @sallysarahshaw #bigwomen #colchester @visitessex @visitcolchester @colchestercitycouncil https://www.instagram.com/p/Co6r1caoy9B/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[indigokingfisher]

Big women are beautiful. Claim it! #lalalissa #lalalissalife #bigwomen #meatonmybones #veloptuous #fat #browneyedwomen #plussize #indigokingfisher #flesh #beauty #claimit

[revivalofthoughts]

Ideal

A glob of fat overflows from the side. Sucked-in stomach hurts. Extra skin moves and peeks. Apathetic eyes around, Curled mouthed tsks.

[nickmoscovitz]

Lizzo @lizzobeeating - Melissa Viviane Jefferson American singer, rapper and songwriter. Stunningly charismatic, beautiful, crazy talented and inspirational this big girl proves with smashing conviction that true artists and art go beyond periodic trends - she is absolutely fantastic ! If you haven’t seen or heard her, you’re missing much ! —————❤️————— #rapper #hiphop #music #art #performer #lizzo #lizzobeeating #love #life #korimlizlizzo #portrait #singer #songwriter #bigwomen #amazing #drawing #artbynickmoscovitz #nickcelbs (at Manhattan, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cgy10f_ubea/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[jessicasnow]

Beautiful~

[healingmyshadow]

Personal Boundaries

What are some of your personal boundaries?

1) Do not go through my personal belongings.

This is because growing up, I never was entitled to privacy. Things like my plushies, laundry, spiritual paraphernalia... that is my energy, that is my space, that for my eyes and/or use only. If you need something from me, just simply ask me. I am not some asshole, I will share with you! Unless something is deeply personal or offensive, I'll gladly and always share what I have of myself and my things.

2) Don't draw attention to my weight or my body.

I am allowed to do this because I have my consent to do so. If I am drawing attention to my physical body in any way, shape, or form, that is me making a joke, observation, or otherwise remark about myself because I give myself permission to. People on the outside of my existence other than my lover(s) are not allowed to do so and I do not give my consent for them to do so.

3) Do not compare me to other people.

This is because I would often be compared to people with terribly offensive habits or straight up compared to people who have severe disorders and learning disabilities. I would be compared to people who were considered "lesser" and told that I am like them. This is preposterous and downright insulting to all involved for various, obvious reasons. I will not be compared to anyone better or lesser than myself as I am only and will ever be myself. If that is something that offends you, exit my life.

[worldwideladies]

#bigwomen #bigbootygirls If she fell in would you jump in to save her ? 🌊🏊‍♀️⠀ @kkvsh https://www.instagram.com/p/COdd7LvpXN0/?igshid=ttjtruj5qhea

[healingmyshadow]

Self-Acceptance

What is an aspect of yourself that you struggle to accept? Why might that be?

There are a lot of things about myself that I've pretty much come to radically accept... but some things, I struggle to accept because coming from others, those things feel like lies.

If someone tells me I am attractive, I feel that's not true, when simply I could just accept the compliment (one I get a lot from friends AND strangers, mostly online though, but still valid) and move on.

I have a hard time accepting that I simply am not ugly.

The reason I believe myself to be ugly to begin with is because growing up, it was sorta beaten into my head that I'm not the best looking girl in the world. You know kids... brutally honest, right? Kids will be kids? Kids never sin? Kids never lie? The kids I grew up with convinced me down to my core that I am not now nor will I ever be even remotely in the same zip code as attractive.

Now, in my 30's, I constantly get messages in my email about how pretty my face is... back when I did sex-work, people honestly thought my gargantuan lumpy fatty body was sexy for some reason. I just don't get it.

So life has constantly thrown me mixed signals. Which is it, society? In the end, I guess it's not up to society. It's about how I feel. I'm deciding that I am not ugly. There's nothing you can do about it.

[theblack-awakening]

Facts... #blackandproud #blacklivesmatter #blackfamilies #blackpeopleunite #blackcouples #blackownedbusiness #blackandmarried #blackwomenrock #melaninpoppin #supportblackbusiness #bigboyshop #blackculture #bigwomen #blackfashion #blackpeople #blacknificent https://www.instagram.com/p/B5uxRkCBH3R/?igshid=13278zdkcjka8

[hardknockout2018]

Her own human punching bag.

[healingmyshadow]

Negative Emotions

Are there negative emotions you try to avoid? Why?

Of course there are. There are emotions like anger and sadness that I try to avoid, because truly, I feel those emotions don't do anything beneficial. Getting sad and getting angry just hurts the self or people around me, so I do the very possible best I can to avoid getting angry. When it comes to getting sad, I simply have to prepare for unexpected sadness.

I am diagnosed with what is called "True Depression", often referred to as Chronic or Clinical Depression, so sometimes sadness creeps up on me and other times sadness is dropped on me like a baby grand piano from the 5th floor of a 10 story building. There never seems to be a chance to snap out of it. Once the sadness hits, it overstays its welcome and refuses to leave. My options for sadness are to take preventative measures or simply ride it out and wait.

Once the depression actually comes, it's there to stay. So I try to avoid that by simply keeping my mind busy, but sometimes even that is not enough to keep depression from crashing into me.

I am not a person that gets angry. I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and for me, my mood shifts from a manic positive to a manic negative, similar to Bi-Polar disorder. In my case, I shift from confident to anxious far too intensely and far too quickly. It's rare for me to actually become angry, but when it does come, it's typically related to my BPD induced Anxiety.

I can easily avoid anger. That's not a problem anymore. I don't have any disorders that necessarily cause anger issues, so I can understand and let go of my anger a little easier. I understand that anger is a choice and I choose not to waste my time or energy on something that irritates me, especially if it's something that I cannot change, like a natural occurrence or someone's own beliefs or will.

I can worry about myself and how I treat others. That is in my control.

[theblack-awakening]

Facts! Alot of people are coming outta the matrix and thinken for themselves! Let's join em... #blackandproud #blacklivesmatter #blackfamilies #blackpeopleunite #blackcouples #blackownedbusiness #blackandmarried #blackwomenrock #melaninpoppin #supportblackbusiness #bigboyshop #blackculture #bigwomen #blackfashion #blackpeople #blacknificent https://www.instagram.com/p/B5sgJXXBCoX/?igshid=1g529is6ri92g