#biblical studies affects everything

[gloomwitchwrites]

Blood in the Garden Shed

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Female Reader

Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): Bluebeard Retelling, Fairy Tale Retelling, Biblical allusions, marriage, minor violence, horror, suspense, minor body horror, all hurt no comfort

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Requested by @id-get-sleazy-for-ron-weasley for 3.5k Spooky Bingo (Free Space)

You have no memory of the time before your husband. Before—Simon. But why should you worry over that? Your house is perfect. Your husband is perfect. Everything is perfect. So why does the house feel alive, and why can you never enter the garden shed? Everything is perfect. Isn't it?

ao3 // main masterlist // 3.5k spooky bingo masterlist

You have no memory of the time before your husband. Before—Simon.

You cannot even recall when the two of you moved into the cottage you call home. There was nothing—and then there was a garden, a kitchen, a marriage bed.

Days are for tending to the house and reading in the solarium. The interior is your domain. Every day you clean the floors and fixtures, bake fresh pastries for Simon to take with him to work, and when Simon returns, the dinner table is set with a hot meal.

Evenings are for him. To indulge and care for him.

And if Simon tucks himself away in his study, you do not bother him.

And you do not enter the garden shed.

These are things he’s told you, and you adhere to them, because keeping Simon happy is your purpose. You live for his smile, for his touches, and his gentle kisses.

In bed, in the dark, you welcome him in and tell him how good it was after.

This is your purpose—it always has been.

“I’ll be away for a few days.”

“For work?”

Simon grasps your chin, staring into your eyes. “You know not to ask questions.”

Your gaze casts downward. “The house feels empty without you.”

“I’ll be back soon. Won’t be long.”

“I’ll miss you. Miss you already.”

“I’m right here, love.”

On the third day, the house comes alive.

The windows creak as if expanding in their frames. Every time you enter the hallway, you feel a rush of air, as if the house is exhaling. There are phantom fingers that brush your scalp and pull at your clothes.

“I’m lonely.”

“I’m here now, love.”

You push the food on your plate around. “How was your work trip?”

“Good,” replies Simon after he swallows.

“Anything exciting happen?”

He shakes his head. “This chicken is lovely.”

You perk up. “I used herbs. From the garden.”

Simon stops chewing. Glances up. “You took from the garden?”

You blink. “I—I’ve taken before. You—”

The garden. The garden is Simon’s. He tends to it like you tend to the house. Sometimes, you’ll awaken in the middle of the night and find him out there, digging.

“Only take when I’m here. You know the rules.”

Tears begins to form in your eyes. You hate upsetting him—worse—you hate your quickness to tears.

“No, love. No need for that.” He gets up and comes around the table. “I appreciate the effort. I love you.”

“I love you.”

Your neighbors don’t give you the time of day. Mrs. Heron accepts your cookies but insists upon you returning home. Mr. Badger gives you a gracious smile but suggests that Simon would prefer you home.

Strange. Unsettling.

There is an emptiness.

And the house breathes whenever Simon isn’t around, as if it too holds its breath for his arrival and departure.

“This is new.”

“It’s for you.”

“You built this for me?” you ask, all breathy with amazement. Your hand rests against the polished wood.

“You needed a new one. For all your books.”

Simon has been in the garden. He’s been in the shed. There is dirt on his clothes and skin. You smell the flowers, and something…else. Like rusty iron.

“Thank you, Simon. I love it.”

“More than you love me?”

“Never.”

The floor is squishy near Simon’s office door. You inspect the area, tapping it with your foot, and tell Simon that he needs to take a look at it. He reassures you, but the squishy sensation only grows until the entire hall and connecting bedroom are affected.

“It’s nothing. You’re imagining things.

“Simon—”

“Why all the questions?”

“Do you not feel that?”

“Are you not happy?”

The question startles you. “Of course I’m happy.”

“Then listen to me and move on. The floor is fine. You’re imagining things.”

But you’re not imagining things. The bookshelf Simon built for you leans now, and when you touch it, the same squishy texture greets your fingers.

The neighbors won’t give you the time of day, and there is no one to listen. You are alone in this house, even when Simon dwells within its walls.

“I’ll be gone again. Three days. Like last.”

“I’ll miss you. Miss you even now.”

“I know, love.”

The first night, the wind howls outside, and something scratches at your window. On the second night it storms, and with it comes a ravenous bang, one that startles you out of bed. It is a torrential downpour, but through the rainfall, you notice the door of the garden shed. It stands open, swaying in the breeze.

You rush out, the ground becoming mud beneath your feet. The door swings wildly, and when you snag it, the wind threatens to tear it right from your hands. The garden shed is off-limits. You should shut the door and go inside. Simon will know. He will—

—there is a pit in the floor.

Lightening ripples across the sky, and you see it again.

A…pit. Not a drain. There is no grate. Nothing sitting on top of it.

It’s open, but not large enough for an entire person to fall in. But certainly, pieces of someone.

“You were supposed to be the last.” You hear Simon’s voice just over your shoulder. A whisper even over the roaring thunder. ���The final creation. The perfect wife.” You spin and find Simon standing there. “He promised.”

Simon stares up into the sky, the rain soaking him further. “You promised!” he screams.

The thunder answers with a deafening boom. Behind him the lights in the house flicker.

“Who promised?”

Simon rubs at his face and then sighs heavily. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Simon."

He digs in his pocket. “Drink this. You’ll fall asleep. Won’t hurt at all.”

“No, Simon.” He presents a small bottle and you smack at it.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“You’re scaring me!”

Simon lunges and you are unable to resist. There is no struggle. His hands are vice-grips. They wrench your jaw open, spilling the liquid down your throat. You cough—attempt to push it back up but Simon massages your throat, forcing it down.

Tears burn in your eyes. This is your husband. Your protector.

How could he do this?

A lingering burn sits in your throat. Everything goes blurry after, but nothing hurts. It’s just…numb. A sense of floating.

Lightening flashes, and you notice the stains around the pit in the floor. The tools on the wall.

Floating. Drifting.

And then nothing at all.

He kept your eyes.

A trinket and a punishment.

He preserved them in amber and placed them in his office alongside all the other wives. There are ears and limbs. Hearts. Nails. Strands of hair.

The rest of you went into the pit in the floor. Your blood watered the garden.

There is a new wife now. A new Eve.

Simon waited for three days in the garden after the storm before she crawled her way out of the dirt. He sent his thanks to Him. Carried her inside. Washed her and dressed her.

He says all the same things he said to you.

You watch from your perch on the bookshelf he built for you, now moved into his cluttered office. Here you rest with the other wives, the hundreds of others. Sometimes, their minds touch yours, a brief flicker of agony and loneliness before departing.

When he tells his new wife that he’s leaving on a trip, he really means this room. Simon stays here, spending time with each of you. Now you know why you were never allowed to enter. What would you think of him had you known?

Maybe this new one will break free.

Maybe she’ll be the last.

taglist:

@glitterypirateduck @km-ffluv @tiredmetalenthusiast @miaraei @cherryofdeath

@ferns-fics @tulipsun-flower @miss-mistinguett @ninman82 @eternallyvenus

@beebeechaos @smileykiddie08 @whisperwispxx @chaostwinsofdestruction @weasleytwins-41

@saoirse06 @unhinged-reader-36 @ravenpoe67 @sageyxbabey @mudisgranapat

@lulurubberduckie @leed-bbg @yawning-grave81 @azkza @nishim

@voids-universe @iloveslasher @talooolaaloolla @sadlonelybagel @haven-1307

@itsberrydreemurstuff @cod-z @keiva1000 @littlemisscriesherselftosleep @blackhawkfanatic

@sammysinger04 @kylies-love-letter @dakotakazansky @suhmie @kadeeesworld

@waves-against-a-cliff @jackrabbitem @arrozyfrijoles23 @lovely-ateez @spookyscaryspoon

@ash-tarte @enarien @gingergirl06 @certainlygay @greeniegreengreen

[artist-issues]

Hello! Hope you're having a splendid day~♡

I saw your post about Halloween coming, and how it was a favorite holiday of yours, and it prompted me to ask you a question;

My best friend (who has been Christian for his entire life) recently stopped celebrating Halloween because he feels it has pagan and demonic connotations. I respect his stance, but it does sadden me because having a large theme for Halloween was always our yearly tradition.

So, my question is this: as you are a Christian who loves Halloween, what would you say to Christians who feel celebrating it is against the Word of God? Thank you for your time! 🥰

Hi! You're very kind to ask me; I’m not an expert, and it’s important that we note that this is a grey area: the Bible, as far as I know, does not command that we celebrate or don’t celebrate Halloween. So what that means is, it doesn’t really matter what I think; it matters what your personal conviction about this is after talking with God about it and studying the principals He is black-and-white on in Scripture.

I could be wrong about Halloween. Your friend could be right. It’s an area the Bible doesn’t lay out specific instructions on (that I know of. If someone knows a place in the Bible where it is a thing please reblog and add to the discussion.) So don’t take anything I say too seriously.

Here’s a post where I do ramble on in depth, where someone asked me about this once.

But basically my idea is this:

1

All the seasons of the year tell a story, symbolically, that looks a lot like the story of God in history. Spring = Bright beginnings and the promise of beautiful life; Summer = Settling into the new normal, growing/making choices; Autumn = the consequences (good or bad) of those choices, either harvest or decay; Winter = Dark, cold, quiet, deathlike—except for the celebration of the end of that season, which is a gift humans don’t deserve and cannot cause for themselves���.and back into Spring = rebirth.

So if all the seasons tell a story, Autumn is the darkest hour. It’s Marlin thinking Nemo is dead in the dentist’s office. It’s the dad dying and the family hiding in the basement from the monsters in A Quiet Place. It’s Little Red Riding Hood getting swallowed by the wolf. But I like that because it’s specifically when the monsters appear to triumph, and they think they’ve won, and the protagonist finally takes a good hard look at his own life—-it’s that “darkest hour” moment—when the monsters are usually weakest. Because they think they’ve won or they’ll win, and the story isn’t over yet, the protagonist is about to finally “get it” in a way they couldn’t have if they hadn’t gone through the “darkest hour.” So I observe Halloween and I get that sense, symbolically, from it. And I think earlier generations of Christians did, too.

2

Biblically, Paul said to have no partnership with demons. In the context, he meant that Christians shouldn’t get close to anything that might have the appearance of allying with demons…because then it would be allying with demons. Here’s how: if an unbeliever thinks that’s what you’re doing, the result for them is the same as if you were: they assume Christians are hypocritical. Serving “gods,” like everybody else, instead of the one God. And that is one more obstacle in the way of that person trusting Christ. So indirectly, because you’re just thinking about you and the places you’re “free” to go and do in Christ, you actually hindered the Gospel just as much as if you’d abandoned it and started worshipping false gods.

So your friend can have a point. If an unbelieving world can look at your Halloween party or costume or favorite movie, and go, “I don’t know much about Christianity, but I do know it normally doesn’t line up with that sexy-witch’s costume she’s wearing and the song about black sorcery she’s screaming along to—I guess she’s not serious about her religion, I guess it’s just religion to her, doesn’t really affect everything she does,” etc., then there’s a problem. It’s hurting your testimony. It looks like your allegiances are with whatever fun you feel free to have, never mind the connotations…instead of your allegiances being to Christ and Good, first and foremost.

But. If you’re careful, and you’re careful to connect everything you enjoy about Halloween back to the Truth…well, your non-believing friends might find the way you “celebrate” to be cringey all of a sudden, but who cares, as long as your allegiance is clear?

Personally, I like the monsters, not because they’re cool and I have a celebratory penchant for gore, but because they symbolize the fact that evil exists. And evil is miserable, destroys things, and is defeatable. Not to mention, in the story of the Bible, we are the monsters. Then Christ sacrifices and makes us a new creation. And I like it when those facts are made clear.

I just have to work hard to communicate that to any unbeliever who will listen about all this, when Halloween comes around. I want to do what the Christians did for the pagan winter-celebration in Rome: I want to take those natural God-given human impulses, like fear and noticing darkness, which have been twisted—and I want to un-twist them. I want to give them their proper context. I want to fix Halloween and make it do what Christmas does, in its proper context. I want to make Halloween point to the Truth.

3

I mean just think about it for two seconds. A werewolf is a man who’s transformed into a beast every month. A beast. Something that can’t reason, can’t control itself, just moves and breathes and lives to crate destruction and pain; that’s its nature. It can’t help it. And it comes from inside the man, who wants nothing more than to be rid of it, who’s terrified of himself and what he can do to others…but there’s nothing he can do. Because it is him. He can’t stop himself.

“So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Romans 7:21-24

But often in the old, classic monster stories it’s something pure, with an element of sacrifice, that finally fixes the monster problem. Like how the next verse says: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Really, truly, I love Halloween because I see the seeds here of a story that could point back to truth.

I’m the monster. I’m the scary, evil thing that can’t be overcome, that can’t stop doing what it does best—bringing death and darkness to the forefront of everything around me. The world’s all rotting, cursed, going through the motions of life but in reality, undead. That’s all the truth, and the victims are the ones who pretend it’s not all that bad. Who shut their eyes to the dark, scary stuff. But the ones who recognize it, who see the “darkest hour” for what it is, get to ride that darkest hour like Jack Sparrow riding into port on a sinking ship—the bad news is just your ticket to looking for, and finding, the Good News. Without a problem, there is no joy in a solution. Without conflict, there’s no story.

I’m the monster, the twisted being with the double-life, who doesn’t want to be the way they are, but can’t help it…but the monster’s powerless by the end of the story. What seemed so terrifying is actually not all-powerful, and won’t last.

So yeah, my plan is, dress up like a monster, but that makeup comes off, and THEN I get to eat candy, because yay, it’s off. Just like my life. In a way.

[pugzman3]

finding that same-sex desires post a little troubling theologically pugzy, not really clear on whether God decides or predetermines our obstacles or not. youd have to imagine He has at least some say in who has same-sex desires

I know which you are referring to. This is why I've said over and over it all goes back to God vs Satan. We are programmed not to consider either God OR Satan. It's why so many have a hard time understanding the events happening, because they won't look at it through a biblical lense. God gives us free will, always has, always will. God will not predetermin anything for you except one thing. If you choose Jesus, choose his way, what happens after is predetermined, as in your salvation and eternal life. We choose whether or not we follow God, or the world.

God determined from the beginning man for woman, woman for man. He wants a family, and his family to multiple. Everything else is an abomination because it not only serves the lusts of flesh it will not bring forth more life. But society tells us opposite. Says we MUST accept the lgbtqlmnopqrxtuvwxyandz ways, otherwise you are hateful. To pile insult on insult to the Father, society has made it to where gay couples can adopt and raise a child, I think I even heard California is now allowing gay men to "rent a womb" in order to obtain a kid. Oh and the same society that wants to disprove or deny God, wants to say God would be ok with this because "God is Love". So when you study his words, you see how massive the depections are, and far they spread, and you also know his patience is wearing thin.

Obstacles, he will put in place to give you a chance to think twice. He doesn't wish for anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9) so he will try to get you to pause and think. And I guarantee EVERYONE has had it happen to where they were about to do something they knew they shouldn't, something happens that puts a pause on the situation, and then most do it anyways. But the thing about that, the more you ignore those pauses (regardless of the situation), the less he will try, and eventually he will give you over to your own will.

Romans 1:20-32 (He gave them up, He gave them up, then He gave them over)

20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

[birdstooth]

POTO DOODLES

APRIL - AUGUST 2023

AUGUST 2023

ASMR

Discord collab

Breakfast for the boys

César salad and Ayesha loaf

The little Vicomte that couldn’t

Ask next time…

You’ve got a friend in me 👯‍♂️

Doodleverse x muppetverse

Masquerade Meg

Live Ayesha reaction

Exit thru the gift shop

Club kid Raoul

Smug goat energy

What kind of sleeves are these

Caterik

Bebe Ayesha

😾😺😺😽

Cone of shame solidarity

Moodboard

Honourary doodle: Erik vs Adam

New meme format

JULY 2023

Nope

Troublesome Erik - colourized

Here I bring the finished score

Pizza Pocket: (2 endings)

Plummage Intensifies

Now Kiss

Movie Night

Peas affection

Hungry Opera Ghost

One ticket pls...

Hiding Spot

Other mask

Shoulder Demons

Conspiracy Christine

Bakery POV

It's YOU!!

César's Choice

Catgirl Christine

Magical Girl

Tondroom Extended Universe: Truth or Dare

JUNE 2023

Idiot Sandwich

Let him eat cake: pt 1, pt 2

Troublesome Erik

Bark bark bark

Tan lines

Biblically Accurate Angel

Realization

Gamer girl Carlotta

Mean Girls

Meddling Meg

Mastercard

Shoo, Phantom!

Quick Poll

Stranger than you dreamt it / I remember that differently

Me irl

1st Time - BLOOPER REEL

Unloved/Loved

Flower Crown

Carousel

Lonely Man Cuts Hem of his Cape

Slay by my side

Fidget Spinner

Don YAWN (honourary doodle lol)

POTO x Heathers

Call the waaaambulance

Daroga being a dad

Composer's assistant

MAY 2023

Box 5

Top notch security

J'accuse

Best of Toadlotta

Wrong documents

Misheard lyrics

Spiderman meme

It came with the lair...

Studies show

The real diva

Double Date

She's everything, he's just Raoul

Poof

Cause of death: Embarrassment

All of the above

Post Credits Scene

Cry Baby

Hostage POV

History Lesson

Overheard

The architects are talking

Destroy it!!

Practice Kissing Mannequin

The Siren

Sing Louder

Taller

Carlotta in her Marie Antoinette era

Carlotta Merch

Pay me what you owe me

APRIL 2023

Say anything

Meanwhile, underground...

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[casspurrjoybell-17]

HEART'S FATE - CHAPTER 20

*Warning: Adult Content* 

Skylar West kisses Martin Hunter with tender patience, his lips and breath are soft caress and his embrace a safe net ensnaring him. 

Martin longs to give in and surrender himself to Skylar but after a moment of bliss, he pushes him away instead.

"Wait. Stop."

Martin rests his hands on Skylar’s chest and stares down at the sliver of space between us, as if it were a bottomless and unbroachable void.

"Why?" 

Skylar’s voice is quiet and undemanding, inviting Martin to set the speed.

"I can't," Martin says. 

"The kids."

"The kids are sleeping," Skylar says but Martin shakes his head. 

"They won't understand."

"Understand what? That their father is a man in need of comfort and companionship? I think you underestimate them."

Very gently and careful not to force the motion, Skylar tucks a finger beneath Martin’s jaw and makes him look up at him.

"Martin, tell me the truth. We both know the kids will be fine."

Suddenly feeling a little out of breath, Martin knocks Skylar’s hand away and turns aside. 

"I'm just not ready for this," he says, hunching in on himself defensively. 

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's been a while since you were with someone, hasn't it? Since your separation, at least, I imagine."

Martin laughs. 

"Well before that. Why do you think I'm so certain Nico and Rio aren't mine, naturally speaking?"

Skylar tries and fails to hide his surprise. 

"Your wife withheld her affections so long?"

"Affections?" Martin laughs at the archaic expression. 

"She had no 'affection' to give. As for... physical intimacy..." Martin crosses his arms self-consciously, remembering just how 'physical' she liked to get. 

"No. We had not engaged in 'marital activities' in a long time."

"Have you been with a man before?"

Skylar’s casual tone catches Martin off-guard and he turns to find him watching him with a curious, slightly concerned expression.

"Once. In college, before Elena. I was never unfaithful," Martin says.

"Just once?"

Flushing, Martin turns away and studies the bare, freshly painted walls. 

"Yes. It was... somewhat transactional."

"Transactional?"

Martin winces at the imagined judgment in Skylar’s tone.

"I had something I wanted to lose, if you know what I mean," he says. 

"It wasn't the best experience and it made me doubt my identity for a while, so I never tried again. What about you?" he asks, turning the question back on Skylar.

"Not often and nothing serious but I've scratched the itch now and again," Skylar says easily, "With men, women and everything in-between. 'Pansexual' is how it's described these days, I believe."

"These days?" Martin raises his brows at him. 

"How old are you? More to the point, what are you?"

Skylar smiles disarmingly.

 "You're right, perhaps we ought to get to know each other better before we get to know each other in the biblical sense."

"You already know pretty much all there is to know about me," Martin says. "You're the one who's still a mystery."

"Some things are easier to show than to tell’" Skylar says, touching the tips of his fingers to his lips thoughtfully. 

"That's why I was hoping we might visit the lake this evening. But I suppose some of it requires explanation, nonetheless. The truth is..." 

He takes a breath. 

"My mother is a queen."

Martin blinks as his brain searches for a believable interpretation of this.

"Your mother is a drag queen?" Martin asks, frowning. 

He supposes Skylar’s long hair would save him some money on wigs and he might have been reluctant to tell him, he performs, given his job and all the misinformation out there these days. 

Skylar laughs. 

"I've been known to enjoy a good drag show, now and then but no. My biological mother is Queen Meridia of Thassos, which makes me Prince Scyllian, heir to the throne."

"Prince..." 

Martin shakes his head and laughs at himself. Skylar had found it easier to accept that Martin is a wolf than he’s finding it to accept that he's some kind of royalty. 

"Sorry. I'm an American werewolf," Martin says. 

"I doubt I could even find all fifty states on a map. Where is Thassos? I don't think I've heard of it."

"There's a Greek island of the same name," Skylar says. 

"But my mother's domain is... further offshore. Nearer the Azores."

Having only a vague idea where that might be, somewhere off the coast of Europe, Martin thinks, he merely nods. 

"Okay. So, this is like one of those 'prince in disguise' things and you didn't want to tell me because you were worried that I'd only be interested in you for your money or title or something?"

"Or something," Skylar says, laughing lightly. 

"It will make better sense tonight, at the lake."

Martin frowns. 

"Why the lake, anyway?"

"I like the water," Skylar says, closing the distance between them once more and looping his arms around Martin’s waist. 

"Almost as much as I like you. So, what do you think? Will your children object to their father kissing a prince?"

"Not if the prince doesn't object to kissing a wolf," Martin says, fighting a smile.

He had been terrified that Skylar would reveal some awful, deal-breaking secret and his relief is like a rush of sugar in his veins. 

When Skylar kisses him, he kisses him back with less restraint and a little thrill of excitement shoots along his nerves. 

His wolf isn't dying. 

Elena had been slowly killing him for so long he'd simply forgotten what it felt like to be alive.

Like this, like there's champagne sparkles in his blood and like every touch tingles with electricity. 

When Skylar slides his hands under Martin’s shirt, he arches against him and lifts his arms so he can slide it over his head, then opens his mouth to a more invasive kiss as he does the same to him. 

Firm muscles shift beneath Martin’s palms, from his trim waist to his swimmer's shoulders, broad and strong. 

The warmth of Skylar’s body, the silk of his skin against Martin’s and the hot glide of his tongue combine to intoxicating effect and when he turns them and walks Martin backward towards his bed, he goes with it and lets him push him down. 

Part of Martin is aware that Skylar still hasn’t told him very much and a more cynical part is aware he might not have even told him the truth. 

He may not have aced geography but how many kingdoms has never heard of could there possibly be? 

But another part of him doesn't care.

The part so starved of love and so injured by it, that it trembles with a painful mix of hope and terror, tells the rest of him to shut up and good choices be damned, live a little.

Then, when Skylar’s lips and hands stray, the first to the side of Martin’s throat and the second below his waist, another part comes to its senses.

"Wait, the kids." Martin gasps, half delirious with passion but still unwilling to forget his duties as a parent.

"They'll sleep awhile yet, surely," Sky murmurs, his lips tickling the dip between Martin’s collarbones.

"It's already been twenty minutes. Nico and Rio recharge fast."

"I see."

To Martin’s dismay, Skylar backs off and looks down at him with a frown.

"I mean... We'll just have to make it quick," Martin says and the corners of Skylar’s lips twitch. 

"I don't want anything we do to be 'quick.' But I suppose we might be quick even while we take things slow."

His gaze travels down Martin’s body and stops below his navel.

"Show me," he says. 

For a full ten seconds, Martin lies without moving, paralyzed with embarrassment and indecision. 

Then, with his heart beating a wild tempo against his ribs, he unbuttons and unzips his pants, lifting his hips as he pushes them down. 

Skylar stares as he does the same to himself and Martin can't help staring, too. 

Between nerves and mixed emotions, Martin is only half-hard but Skylar is 100% ready for action. 

Presented with flushed skin, thick veins and a length and girth that makes Martin’s eyes go wide, he utters two words he instantly regrets.

"Fuck me."

"My pleasure," Skylar says, grinning, 

"And yours as well, I hope. But not today. For today... let's just get to know each other, shall we?"

Wordlessly and breathlessly, Martin nods and Skylar moves over him again, aligning their shafts and taking both in his hand. 

Martin bites back a groan but Skylar smothers it with a kiss.

"Just let it be," he says. 

"Here and now, you and me. Just feel."

Martin obeys but as he'd told Skylar, it's been quite a long time and while he’s taken care of his own needs now and then, he’s more often ignored it. 

With a few strokes of Skylar’s hand and the sensation of his hard length against his, Martin is gasping, then cresting, then done. 

Before he has a chance to register embarrassment, however, Skylar joins him, his head thrown back as he comes in a few spurts of hot, creamy seed. 

Panting, Skylar grins, swiping a finger through the mingled cum painting Martin’s abdomen, licks it and then leans to kiss him. 

The strange, salted sweetness on his tongue should disgust Martin but it doesn't.

 Instead, it feels like they've just done something sacred, something beautiful and free of sin. 

He has never felt anything like it before and as this dawns on him, a well of sorrow opens in his heart. 

Elena wasn't his fated Mate. 

He had known that and had Chosen her anyway. 

Now, it seems fate has given him a second chance. 

Skylar lifts himself to look down at Martin, his expression pinched with concern. 

"You're crying."

Martin touches his face and feels the wetness there.

"Have I... Oh My God, Martin, if this isn't what you wanted..."

Shaking his head, Martin reaches for Skylar, drawing him back into a kiss.

"No," he says, letting them both up for air. 

"If you don't care what I am, then I don't care what you are, Sky. I only care that..."

The quick double beep of a horn interrupts him and he startles, bumping their foreheads together.

"Ow. Who the hell...?"

Skylar lets Martin up and he zips his pants and walk to the windows at the far end of the room. 

A postal service truck is parked in the drive, a confused-looking delivery driver standing beside it with a large envelope in her hand.

"Shit."

He strides back across the room and reaches for his shirt but Skylar gently grasps his wrist, looking pointedly at the evidence of their recent fun drying on his skin.

"I'll get the package," he says, pulling his own shirt over his head. 

"You get cleaned up."

Grumbling under his breath, Martin does as he says. 

The noise might have woken the kids, anyway. 

In the bathroom Martin finds a clean washcloth, dampen it and wipes himself clean, then pulls on his shirt and steps outside just as Skylar returns, envelope in hand.

"I had to sign for it," Skylar says, frowning as he hands it to him. 

"Something legal, I think."

Martin takes it, studies the return address and feels his heart stumbles in his chest.

"Martin." 

Skylar catches him as his legs give way, making him curse his overly dramatic nervous system. 

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Weakly, Martin hands Skylar the envelope.

"It's from Elena," he says. 

[maximumthehormonereplacement]

08/12/91 8:00 AM // LAT: 40.57n LONG: -75.60w

❤️‍🔥🌺🦊

Some important terms to keep in mind:

Element; each sign falls under one the four elements—fire, water, ground, and air. Fire and water are the two most powerful and potentially detrimental forces of nature. Ground and air can be equally powerful but are more-so chain reactions and/or catalysts to fire and/or water.

Associated Animals; This is heavily debatable and interpreted like everything else, but generally speaking Native American tribes (and through internet research alone it doesn't specify what tribes actually follow this) associate each zodiac with an animal totem. Leo is represented by The Salmon Totem (how silly!!!!)

Big Three; when people talk about their zodiacs they will often refer to "the Big Three," which references your Sun (identity), Moon (emotions), and Rising (your ascended state of consciousness.) There are 24 houses in a full natal chart—I myself tend to focus on the big three, Venus, Mars, and Lilith, but each planet has a placement in your chart, as well as there being 12 houses that show how these placements play into each other. I am only really just starting to get deeper into astrological study so I am still researching and learning about the other planets such as Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto and how they affect different parts of your personality, but all of them are still very important and I implore you to look into them too to learn even more about your strengths and weaknesses!

Modalities; each sign falls into a modality which details feminine, masculine, or androgynous traits of the signs.

{

Cardinal- leaders of their element, androgynous in the sense that they harness both masculine and feminine balance in their approach to conflict resolution and situations. Generally mediators.

Mutable- elements that are most prone to evolution and growth, and being manipulated, generally conflict resolvers, feminine

Fixed- elements that are confident yet stuck in their ways, more prone to being manipulators, generally conflict instigators, masculine }

☀️ The sun sign, what most people call "their zodiac" tells us about our identity and role in the universe. Your sun is in Leo, the fixed, powerfully present, 5th masculine fire sign. Leos are represented by a lion; and although lions are culturally associated with leadership and strength, the constellation itself depicts the big cat on its hind legs with his paws in the air, batting at the surrounding Cancer to the east and Virgo to the west, indicating a less fierce and more playful nature. Leo does not fall under any planet, but a celestial body; the most important in our solar system—the sun! The sun, in astrology, rules our true identities and paths in life. Leos are the most masculine and fiery signs of the zodiac, so it makes sense that the sun, with its vitality (and tendency to be harmful with prolonged exposure) and its long spiraling rays, would be representative of a lion's mane. Biblically speaking, God, if He had been defined by limits of humanity, such as birthdays, would best be represented as a Leo, with His Mother Mary Virgo to the right of Him. Although interpretations of God's behavior vary from denomination to denomination, (and the fact that, once again, God can't be comprehended through a human brain) the Old Testament— a heavily misinterpreted astrological text—depicts God as All-Knowing, All-Powerful, and Correct, God is indeed depicted as enraged. The word "holocaust" comes from the German word "God's wrath/fire" and the Hebrew word which means "a burnt offering." In several cultures that honor a God, ritualistic sacrifices may depict something of importance/divinity being burned. On the opposing side, God's son is depicted as being all-forgiving, and associated with fish, wine, holy water, etc, because Jesus has something that God does not, and that is half of humanity. This is all a long round about way of saying, it is commonly believed (but not without controversy, considering some sects disparage astrology as being satanic) at least in the Old Testament, that God would be a Leo, Mother Mary a Virgo, and Jesus a Pisces (there's more on this of course, considering Catholics and Western Christian sects celebrate December 25th Christmas, which would make Jesus a Capricorn, but Eastern Orthodox Christianity/Judaism/Old Testament's calendar would have Jesus born in Pisces season...)

Domesticated cats, they say, are not quite domesticated—not like dogs at least. Dogs were trained and bred to be companions to humans. Cats, on the other hand, formed a symbiotic relationship with humans in the sense of "oh cool house you got. I'm gonna move in and eat the pests in it for you" and humans were like "aight." But regardless, all cats come from big felines—lions, tigers, lynx, jaguar, cheetah, etc. etc... The reverse side is true. While it is not advised (if you are in a country that has big cats) to go up to a lion and go "here kitty, kitty!!!" and try to touch it, many big cats will generally leave people alone unless they feel threatened, and in fact, purr like house cats, play like a house cat would, and lick and groom their pack members like a house cat might do to a human or another kitty/pet they trust. All of this is to say that while Leos can be known for intimidation and hostility and temperament, they are also more well known for spunkiness, performance, positive and silly energy, and overall friendliness. Just don't keep bothering them when they start hissing and puffing up!

🌙 The moon tells us our deepest emotions and how we react in times of stress or conflict. Your moon is in Virgo, the Mutable, Grounded Virgin Mother. This is an extremely powerful placement to have in your big three, as the Virgo transcends several religions as to why she does what she does. "Hail Mary full of grace..... SMACK THE BITCH IN THE FACE, TAKE HER GUCCI BAG AND HER NORTH FACE—" Like a mother who wants the best for her child, Virgo tries a calculated mix of discipline and love to resolve conflicts, and regardless if she's angry, sad, or happy, everything the Madonna does is out of pure unconditional love. But, like any mom who lives under the doctrine of "mother knows best," Virgo can often fail to comprehend the fact that she's not ALWAYS right and this is an internal struggle for her. Sometimes her emotions are so grounded that she struggles with understanding the emotional depth of her children. In conflicts, Virgo will always try to mediate and resolve the solution "by any means necessary" which sometimes involves yelling and scolding and other times involves warmth and reassurance. Everything the Moon Virgo does, though, is intentional and for The Greater Good. In trine with a Masculine Leo Sun, the Feminine Virgo Moon may clash internally about what the right course of action is, but with work, the two can work together to find a common ground balance of discipline and love, like a set of parents; and, more often than not, since Ground puts Fire out, your Moon in Virgo will generally overrule the sometimes uncontrolled temperment of your Leo Sun.

♀ Venus is the feminine planet that determines how we present ourselves aesthetically and the styles of love we exhibit to others in intimate relationships. Your Venus finds itself again in Virgo, Aphrodite's ruling planet and the non-biblical depiction of the Virgo herself. A Virgo Venus's outer style is well-kept and inviting. Others may flock to her because she is just genuinely beautiful and a piece of eye candy. She doesn't dress particularly flashy, but she doesn't need to—Virgo stands out with pure charm more than anything. She is extremely charismatic and despite wearing a generally more modest style, still has plenty of people who crush on her simply for the energy she exudes when wearing anything. In romantic relationships, Venus Virgo is as loving as a mother. The dichotomy of discipline versus praise is still there, but more often than not, a Virgo wants to just snuggle her partner and shower them with compliments to boost their confidence, and because making others feel good, makes Virgo feel good. With this, a Virgo may also push their romantic partner to what she believes they are capable of, which may come off as smothering if the advice is unsolicited; regardless, Venus Virgo's intentions in an intimate partnership are as pure as the Madonna herself, and she wants to give her partner freedom to be themselves while also pushing them to be better versions of whoever they currently are.

♂ Mars is the masculine planet that determines our anger and sex, two passionate expressions that are really two sides of the same coin. Your Mars is in Virgo! Virgo is a very dominant placement in your chart. This makes you a very collected, loving and calculated person. But since Mars is the planet of more passionate emotions, such as anger and sexual desire, Virgo plays a very... interesting role. Have you ever argued with your mom? How did that go for you? This may be one of your more challenging placements. Virgos are so calculated and generally know the course of how situations will go (and she plans for everything) that when unexpected something throws her for a loop, she freaks. Mars Virgo doesn't like to be questioned or disrespected—all that warm motherly love will go right out the window the minute you suggest something could be wrong with the way she's thinking. Mars Virgo IS usually right, but she needs to learn to accept that when she isn't, it's not cause for panic, and that different perspectives don't necessarily mean an argument has to happen. The Mother wants to take care of everyone, but that care can turn into control and when someone doesn't take her advice, it can turn ugly. In sexual life, Mars Virgo is a giver. She loves to please and since she is mutable, she can adapt to her partner's different sexual desires. This can cause a bit of a struggle with your Leo Sun, who is fixed and more dominant, and wants to take a leadership role during sex. Your Leo Sun will dominate passionately during sex, but Mars Virgo will routinely check to make sure her partner is actually enjoying the dominance and that they're OK, and offer cuddles and sweetness when both her and her partner have finished.

⚸ Lilith is represented by the dark side of the moon, the dark side of our inner emotions and what we can work on to ascend to our rising sign. Your Lilith is in Capricorn, the cardinal grounded seagoat. Typically, a Capricorn Sun is known for their silliness and seriousness when needed. They are able to juggle between the two. But Lilith Capricorn is stuck between a rock and a hard place; fixated on their inner loneliness and thus reacts by wiping off their clown makeup and putting on a scary face. Lilith Caps can be very dangerous to themselves and others. Caps are the natural jesters of the zodiac, but another word for the jester tarot is “the fool.” And Lilith Cap is getting real tired of being treated like the fool. They start to feel as if people aren’t laughing WITH them, but rather AT them; and this shifts the Cap to cut off its own tail and ground themselves completely and start RAMMING AND SCREAMING! That’s what goats do, after all, when they feel threatened. This is when you can turn to the confidence of your Leo Sun and Virgo placements to calm yourself down. So what if people laugh at you, with you, whatever? Leo Sun will assure that most are jealous/bitter of the warmth you naturally exude, and Virgo will hug and pep talk Lilith Cap to remind them that it doesn't matter what people think anyway, as long as you are OK with yourself—and Leo Sun and Virgo placements are quite OK with themselves. With the fiery lion and grounded mother guiding Lilith Cap, the goat mermaid can piece their tail back together and ascend to their highest state of consciousness....

���� From the clam shell positioned on the shores of the ocean arises your Rising Virgo ♡ Our rising sign is how others perceive us, and who we have the potential to be. It can also contribute to some of our physical attributes. Virgo DOMINATES your major placements, so not much more needs to be said about why this is such an important placement for you. You are a feisty, confident sun sign by destiny, but your emotions and love life are more grounded, meaning you calm yourself down and have a level head on your shoulders. With Virgo Rising, others perceive you as charismatic and doting—a Good Mommy. In conjunction with your other Virgo placements and Leo Sun, you are a very parental, loving person who would do anything to help anyone, as long as you are shown respect and love in return. In terms of physical appearance, Rising Virgos tend to have pointed noses, curved lips, clear, soulful eyes and a very bright demeanor. So here we are! You have one fierce Lion nudging his Lilith Cap back up on their feet; being doted on by your surrounding Madonnas.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

2/2/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Exodus 10 - 12

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm Jill. Today's the second day of February. We're doing it. You're here, I'm here. God is here. I don't know what your intention is. If it's to go through the entire Bible from front to back, if you want want to grow closer to God, if you want to just hear what's in there for yourself, if you want to just take a look. Around and see what you think about all of this. Whatever your intention and your motivation is, I'm so glad that you're here and that we get to do this together. And together we are here. We are continuing in the Book of Exodus. We'll continue hearing about these plagues that well, you have to stay tuned and see what's happening. Today we're reading Exodus, chapters 10, 11 and twelve. And this week we are reading the New English Translation, Exodus, chapter ten.

Commentary

This is why the Book of Exodus is called the Book of Exodus. This is the exit of the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt. And this did not come without a story. And I think the theme of this particular story today is the pride of Pharaoh. It could have been an easy fix. It was a simple ask. The Lord sent Moses to ask Pharaoh to let his people go. And what we have is a showdown of Pharaoh's pride. He will not be weak in front of his people, and the heart of God is revealed. At the very beginning of this reading, the Lord said to Moses, go to Pharaoh, for I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants in order to display these signs of mine before him. And in order that in the hearing of your son and your grandsons, you may tell how I made fools of the Egyptians and about my signs that I displayed among them so that you may know that I am the Lord. And what is evident is that Pharaoh has no revere and no fear of God. His pride is completely intact, and he is not willing to budge, even as his city and his people are literally being demolished before his eyes. But if we take the words of God that we just read again, we know that what we could so easily jump to is the theme that I said at the beginning of this. The theme is the pride of Pharaoh. The theme is actually the power of God. And that does not come secondary to the pride of man. I have been studying pride and fear for years, biblically and psychologically, and I have so basically because pride has affected me greatly in my own life, and watching people around me sometimes lose everything, everything for the need to be right, for an unwillingness to surrender or succumb to the power of the Almighty. And we can shake our finger at Pharaoh. We can call him names. We can tisk and disgust. But we can only look in the mirror. We can only take an in depth look at what we are missing out on. What are we potentially losing? What are we losing in our own need to hold on to selfish pride in our own necessity to be right? We can be right and we can lose everything and we can be all alone and think we're right and be so completely wrong. And I think the question we have to consider today is what are we willing to lose in order to have our pride? What are we missing out on in our need to be right? What are we not allowing God to do in our lives because we are unwilling to surrender to the Almighty God? It's a hard question and it's a worthy question. And I can tell you as a woman about to turn 50 this year looking back on her life, I was on the verge of losing it all. And my need to be right. Everything around me was burning to the ground at my own destruction. And by the grace of the Almighty God, somehow I was spared from losing it all.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word today. We thank you for these hard days, that are hard looks in the mirror. Hard questions to ask ourselves but necessary for growth. We do not grow in the comfortable. We only grow and change in the discomfort. And so we recognize that these questions are uncomfortable. They hit us in places that we're not willing to be hit in everyday life. But I pray God that they will propel us forward into change. You can take these hearts of stone and make them hearts of flesh. I pray that you would do just that as you work in us, through us. Let me thank you for this healing. Work that you do only you can. Do that changes us from the inside out that can even make these prideful people that we are, that love to talk with all of the answers, makes us humble. Humble people that listen more than we speak and have more questions than we have answers, who look to you to guide and direct us when we surrender our agenda to you, lay it at your feet and let you take us wherever it is that you long to lead us out of slavery, into freedom, into your marvelous light. We thank you for that. We pray this now in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Community Prayer Line

Hello, my DAB family. This is his beloved calling from California. I'm calling to ask quest prayer for my daughter and her family. They're missionaries who work with oppressed people in a challenging region of the world. And sadly, they've come up against some opposition from another Christian organization and they need prayer for wisdom and for protection. The action of the other organization could dramatically affect their future work. So I'm asking that you would please pray that the Lord would align the hearts and minds of everyone involved in this decision with his heart and his will and that they would come to a Godly and loving resolution and be unified. Thanks so much.

Good Morning Daily Audio bible Chronological this is his daughter Dominique and I am a new Chronological DABber. I did Daily Audio Bible for about a year and a half and I just kind of found it difficult to follow along with the stories, so I decided to try something new. And oh, how I have loved this. It has been no struggle to keep up and between Jill and China's commentary, it has just brought me so many blessings. This year I am calling to pray for a few of our DABbers. I recently heard the prayer request of Gina from California and oh, sister, how your story resonated with me and touched me. And I'm so sorry that that happened to you of the roommate who you are so actively trying to help and behind your back was trying to break you down in your business. And I just want to first pray for your roommate. May God open his heart and soften his heart to not do such malicious acts on people and to treat people with more kindness. And Lord, I pray for Gina as she heals from this and as her business is impacted by this, may she have encouragement and strength to keep going and to not allow this to harden her heart. DABbers, I pray for all of you. Debbie, our sister, who needs a kidney, grace, who was beautifully found in Alaska. I keep you all in my prayers and I'm excited for this year with you guys.

This is Jersey Jane for Jesus. It is January 27. There were two people who called in and I want to send my heart and my prayers out for their friends and their husband. A young woman called in saying a friend of hers was in trafficking, that trafficking is going on and we all know it every day. Lord, please intervene. Please see that these people can be freed. It's slavery. It's as if they were back in ancient times, being held captive, having to work as slaves. This was taken care of in the Old Testament. Let it be taken care of today. And the second person was Sarah, who called in about her husband having bipolar problems and needing new medications. Sarah, I pray that you can get to Australia for the wedding, that it will go smoothly, be uplifting, bring God with you. And I pray for all the mental illness that is out there. It seems to be rampant and it's very sad, but it can be overcome. We know the incredible works that Jesus can do.

Hi. This is Chassis from Kansas. I wanted to call for I think you said your name was Neo in North Georgia. I am so sorry for what you're going through with your marriage and for. What your wife has been through. I'm so sorry. I just want to lift you and your family of a prayer, because as you said, if you won't stand in the gap, then who will? That's beautiful and that's admirable that you're standing in for your family. So I want to pray for you and your family. Lord, Heavenly Father, we come before you and lift up this family, Lord. God, I pray that you will work in these hearts, in this woman's heart who's been so hurt and mistreated that things that should have never happened to her, Lord, but they did. And I just pray for her salvation, Lord, that she would see you and she would know you, Lord, and she would give her life to you and that she would know you as her Lord and Savior. Lord, I pray that this marriage and this family will be restored. Lord, I've seen you do it in my marriage and my family, and I know that you can do it again. God, I pray for this family. Thank you, God, for what you're about to do in this family, in this marriage. In Jesus name, I love all of you and I pray for all of you with every prayer request. And even those who don't call in. Just know you are so loved and you are prayed for. God bless all of you.

[elrondsscribe]

Elves, Theology, and Me, a baby Bible student.

Okay. Well. Theology, Christian-talk, Bible talk, and Tolkien’s elves all have their part in this post. Religious freak alert and boring alert. 

Also, some rather personal faith issues I’ve been thinking through a lot lately. Bible bashers and Bible thumpers equally beware.

Still here? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

What most people don’t remember about Christianity is that it is 1) a hugely diverse and varied tradition and 2) a very old tradition. I don’t know of too many faiths still kicking around in the world today that are as old and as diverse as Christianity, other than Judaism (older) and Islam (a bit younger). So when I talk about having grown up Christian, I may not be or ever have been the kind that you immediately picture when you hear the word - or then again, I might have.

When I say I grew up Christian, what I specifically mean is that I grew up in a Protestant, evangelical, fundamentalist-ish faith community. The way we talked about the gospel is a bit like a sales proposal, probably because nearly all of my pastors’ six brothers were salesmen. Problem: We’re all sinners, including you, and we all deserve eternal torment in hell for our sin. Also, God is perfect and can’t tolerate sin. (Therefore, God can’t go tolerating you in your sin.) Solution: Jesus took (y)our punishment and God’s wrath, so we (you) have a way out of eternal torment. Call to Action: Now choose Jesus, turn to God, verbally admit and renounce your sin, and when you die you’ll get to go to Heaven, not Hell.

{And oh yeah, in the meantime, while you’re still alive and waiting to go to Heaven, make sure you’re Livin’ Right. No drinking, no smoking, no nightclubs, no miniskirts, and for the love of God, no sex outside of (heterosexual, one-to-one, legally and church-ly sanctioned) marriage. Also give your tithes.}

Thing is, I’m also a Tolkien fan. Seriousness level 4-4.5 out of 5. I can’t speak any Elvish languages, and I can’t quote chapters from Unfinished Tales or a volume of the History of Middle-Earth from memory, but I’m fairly familiar with Tolkien’s Arda-related writings outside of just the Hobbit and LOTR. And when I was thinking about how to put together my combined Tolkien and (eventually) MCU universe to write fanfiction in, the insertion of the gospel as I’d always understood it felt very specieist: only a small selection of a certain species, Men, out of all of Tolkien’s peoples were actually Iluvatar’s children and set to experience eternal bliss . . . and the rest were all eventually going to burn?

Yikes. I didn’t want to create a fictional universe like that. (The fact that, minus the Elves and Hobbits and Dwarves, I was actually living in a world like that wasn’t lost on me - I just didn’t have the liberty to explore that.)

Also, Tolkien’s whole world just has such a very pre-Christian feel (it was created to be a mythology, what can I say), and I wasn’t sure how I felt about forcing (modern) post-Christian assumptions on a pre-Christian framework.

(I know it’s a weird sort of thing to do, applying theology to a fictional universe you’re borrowing to write crossover fanfiction in, but hey, welcome to my world. I warned you it’d be weird.)

My first year of college - Christian college - really took me for a ride. You see, in Christian college, you’re asked to take a minimum of two courses in which - get ready for it - you read the Bible in an academic setting (shock! horror! Whoever would have guessed!). And when that happens, you find yourself confronted with the uncomfortable fact that 1) the Bible doesn’t really read like the inerrant textbook/rulebook that it’s often assumed to be, and 2) we as modern readers have the tendency to bring a lot of assumptions to the text and read in a lot of shit that ain’t actually on the page.

After a number of shocks on some issues that I won’t go into now, I got home for the summer and started to fall into the Kindle Sample sinkhole (similar to the YouTube sinkhole). I started peeking into books on theology and ethics that showed me that, at the very least, I wasn’t alone in my new, murkier, less solid and more mysterious mode of Christianity. And what should I happen to fall into but Christian Universalism (Rob Bell’s Love Wins made universalist doctrine popular; the church history he give in it is inaccurate, but it’s still worth a go if you want an easy read to introduce you to the topic). Universalism, or All-Encompassing Divine Love, seemed to mesh much more naturally with a world wherein pre-Christian sensibilities carried the day.

Universalists don’t tend to talk about a transcendent God who is “high above the heavens,” but about a God whose glory they see reflected in the people around them, whom they enjoy in nature’s beauty, and whom they mimic in being creative and productive. It all feels very right in a Tolkienesque world (and really any fictional universe that prizes life and love in the end, MCU included).

More so than “turn or burn” and “heaven/hell after you die” anyway.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that my changing theology, and my newfound passion for biblical studies, are directly affecting both my ‘real-world’ sensibilities and my fanfic writing. And the way I interact with Tolkien’s universe in general.

Not that I think for a second that Tolkien was a universalist - heavens no! He just created a mythological world in which Divine Love really fits.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” - Saint Julian of Norwich, approx. 14th century.

. . . well, I told you this would be weird.

[toughtink]

some post-nona thoughts and questions in no particular order:

and this will be long and full of spoilers, sorry

so is silas coming back next time? because i have questions about wtf took over his cav especially seeing as those tongue eye things showed up on the ninth house. biblically, silas traveled with paul, so maybe paul will be related to his comeback? idk

what’s with the tower? “kironia” and ianthe are referred to as “tower princes,” the RB was yelling about a tower to nona via judith, and we got a big tower coming out of the river now?? and the whole “the tower has reactivated” cipher or whatever it said, too. the only tower that’s been story relevant thus far is canaan house + the facility beneath it. harrow estimated they only saw ~30% of that tower with the rest going deep under the ocean, which i always took to mean that it was originally a sky scraper that they built a temple/church/palace on top of. OH YEAh! and a tower is in the jod chapters maybe??? it was confusing. (gasp! what! confusing??? in this series?!)

so is nona translating a ton of people’s names when she hears them, and that’s why she calls corona “crown” and has that exchange with hot sauce where she gets corrected on born in the morning’s name? and this is a separate thing from the multi-sentence long names that seem to be BoE tradition?

speaking of weird name stuff, the jod chapters have him using intials to refer to his friends! that was annoying but implies that they didn’t all used to have their fancy mouthful names which makes some sense, especially since jod specifically mentions changing U— and T— to ulysseys and titania. however, i’ve seen a lot of folks under the assumption that he wiped his friend’s memories after rezzing them, but is there evidence for that? i gotta reread htn, but i know that mercy didn’t seem to realize that gideon’s gold eye color was jod’s before it was alecto’s and only put it together near the end—point in memory loss’s favor (tho i don’t think we can officially say it’s purposeful on jod’s part yet.) HOWEVER!! when nona & the gang are approaching the tomb near the end of ntn, pyrrha mentions gideon (the first) and after saying his name a couple times says “G—” like jod does in his chapters!! implying that pyrrha might just know gideon’s pre-resurrection name! so either jod’s friends did retain their pre-res memories OR that memory loss thing happened later, probably post lyctorhood if it could affect the lyctors but not the cav secretly residing inside still??? idk. EDIT: my frand ginny pointed out that on pg 433 jod talks about how his friends “won’t have to remember anything,” because he knows where remembrance lives in the brain, and this sort of mirrors harrow own attempt to alter her memories. i think with pyrrha remembering g1deon’s name, we can say these are likely altered memories rather than a complete clean slate.

i need people to realize that when nona describes “teeth” coming out of gideon’s speed holes, it’s most likely ribs and not literal teeth. also—the speed holes joke is maybe one of my favorites in this book and incontrovertible proof that kironia is indeed our gideon.

i want to know more about anastasiaaaaa! was she another married/romantically involved pair with her cav? did pyrrha mention something about painting a nursery on the ninth?? what if anastasia was pregnant when her lyctorhood went wrong????

what’s this with cassiopeia and the sixth house in communication? that was her house, right? also, cass is the C— mentioned in jod chapters that marries the artist N— (nigella) and has teeth flowers at their wedding. also, she had the tooth trial at canaan house. and the tooth secret message in the corresponding study. what’s with all the teeth? lol

that tooth secret message was about doing soul melanges to power the canaan house staff, including teacher! 6th house theorm was soul melange related, so paul makes sense!!! ;v; (it should be noted that everything with cam, pal, and paul had me in tears and i’m never getting over their recorded conversation.)

gideon is clearly missing pieces figuratively and literally (her heart!! 🥺). TM said that if gideon’s soul was a happy meal, harrow ate the cheeseburger, but that leaves the fries, sauce packets, and toy. so where’s the cheeseburger now? attached to harrow’s soul? or attached to her body? completely absorbed and essentially gone? something has to be powering nona’s lyctoral regeneration powers so i’m kinda team body. that and the fact that she’s wearing the cheeseburger shirt and that feels like TM trying to give us a giant neon sign of a hint?

as for harrow…i saw the icy tomb she climbed into at the end of htn as a metaphorical tomb in her mind, between the lobotomy slits i guess where she was keeping gideon’s soul, thus the nonexistent sexy magazine. ntn makes me think she was also in the actual tomb, aka fully swapped places with alecto? but i suppose either could be true. the jod chapters feel like she’s tapping into alecto’s memories and subbing in herself maybe? that doesn’t really say much about the literal placement of harrow’s soul, tho, just that she has a connection with alecto.

anyways, it looks like she woke up long enough for the epilogue and then promptly passed out again (woo go girl! give us nothing!). and we know that she’s going to be harrowing hell at the start of atn?? good luck have fun i guess???

oh yeah is part of the reason nona’s not all there because not only is she in the wrong body, but she’s dealing with harrow’s lobotomy brain???

gonna come back and add more laterrr—edit: i’ve come back SEVERAL times to add more. maybe i should just reblog or make a new post for more. 🙈 i’m at the end of my gtn reread so htn will be next. oof that one will take a while methinks! and then i can reread nona…which will be my first Proper read through for the final version since i’ve only read the ARC months ago and some random passages since it came out.

[ohthehumanities]

Studyblr Intro Post

Hi fellow scholars! I’ve had this blog since 2018 but I figured it was finally time to make a studyblr introduction post. Check out below the cut to learn a bit about me.

About Me

I write under the name Esther (a name my boyfriend uses for me). I am in my mid-20s. I’m a nerd for mid-century and academic fashion. That means I try to fit most of my style into the dark and light academia aesthetics. But I also exercise a lot, so in real life, you’d tend to find me in t-shirts and jeans. I don’t subscribe to the philosophies behind personality tests, but my temperament is Melancholic-Choleric, if you’re into the four humors. 😉

I am physically and cognitively disabled from a head injury I had in high school. The injury affected just about everything in my life, but I continue to recover as the years go on. Some of my posts will focus specifically on disability and academia. Always stay open to what anger and stubbornness can accomplish!

Academics

I am currently in my first year of online studies at Franciscan University in Ohio, for a Master of Arts in Theology and Christian Ministry with a concentration in Catechetics. Biblical studies was not the field I expected to go into for most of college, but I am excited to see where it takes me. I’ll probably go into education at this point, but my dream is to go to a Ph.D. program for neuropsychology.

For undergraduate studies, I earned a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Humanities. I wrote a book with a small colloquy for my Humanities capstone, which was published and sold by my college bookstore. We discussed Charles Dickens’s novel A Tale of Two Cities and I wrote about theological themes and conversion in the novel.

I speak English (native), Spanish (working proficiency), and modern Hebrew (beginner). Spanish and Hebrew are always in progress. Apparently my accent is perfect for both. I studied some Koine Greek in middle school and want to study that, ancient Hebrew, and Latin in graduate school. Future modern languages I am interested in learning are French, German, and maybe Chinese.

Interests

Books: classic literature, great works, theology, existentialist writing

Hobbies: sewing, playing piano (classical, jazz, and some contemporary music), exercise, writing, spending time with my dogs, language learning, studying theology

Music: classical, jazz, indie pop (specifically Belle and Sebastian), orchestral goth, Gregorian chant

I enjoy meeting new friends, so drop me a chat if you’d like to connect!

- Esther

Some frequent tags I use (links to come):

ohthehumanities: my posts

academia aesthetic

disability studyblr

theology studyblr

gradblr

langblr

[queerprayers]

If I’m really made in god’s image, why would he make me so dumb, so disabled, why would he make me like this? Do you think maybe the god’s image thing isn’t true? I look at the terrible people of the world, why would god have made this?

Hello beloved,

I'm so sorry it's taken me a bit to reply to this—this ask really hit me. I've been here (or at least somewhere close—obviously I don't know exactly what you're feeling). "Why would he make me like this?" was something I used to ask myself over and over, either about my queerness or my disabilities.

To be honest? I don't have an answer. Not a clear/easy one, anyway. I could say that we have unique gifts, or that suffering teaches us something, or something else that's technically true but that you've probably heard before and might end up being pitying or cheesy.

Disability is a fact of life. (Or at least, different kinds of functioning are; "disability" is a social label we created.) Your experiences may be painful or isolating, but God is with you. I don't know if you're seeking that affirmation or if you'll shrug it off, but it's true.

I don't know why God made us the way They did. The only thing I do know is that They did. And yes, I do firmly believe that you and I were made in God's image. All the ways in which we're different or unique or confusing? They're all from God. I don't think our brains are even capable of understanding why? And I'm not sure "why" is the right question to be asking. How about, "how?"

I'd also encourage you (and all of us) to think about why we need a reason for everything. Maybe we don't need a reason or a purpose for this pain. Maybe we're hurting and beloved by God and in need of saving and already whole.

"Christ, God's image, models God's embrace of disability on the cross . . . through a resurrected but wounded body. All humanity shares in such woundedness and vulnerability in a variety of forms—physical, mental, moral, and spiritual—without losing the dignity of being created in the image of God." (Dignity and Destiny: Humanity in the Image of God by John Kilner)

"Our bodies participate in the imago Dei, not in spite of our impairments and contingencies, but through them." (The Disabled God: Toward a Liberatory Theology of Disability by Nancy L. Eiesland)

From the ELCA's message on disabilities:

"Human beings are part of a world in which a variety of abilities and skills, impairments and disabilities are a common feature of life. Vulnerability to and the risk of disability are a natural part of the human condition for all people. While most people may assume that they never will become impaired and disabled themselves, many individuals, in fact, will be impaired or disabled at some point in their lives. For some, these impairments and disabilities will be temporary or moderate-term conditions, perhaps occurring near the end of life; for others, these will be either long-term or lifelong.

Human life emerges from within the natural world and is limited and conditioned by it. Physical, sensory, intellectual, mental and developmental disabilities arise within the natural and social worlds from factors that are genetic, chemical, behavioral, social and accidental. A number of disabilities appear to result from various combinations of these factors.

Whatever the causes, a disability or impairment requires a person to exercise [their] abilities and skills in ways affected by that reality. . . .

Medical cures and assistance are blessings, but cures are rare and, sometimes, not desired. Like all aspects of health, living with a physical, intellectual or developmental disability is a fact of life, calling for the resourceful and determined exercise of one’s other abilities and freedom for relationship."

"The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ . . . demonstrate that all aspects of life, including disabilities and impairment, are encompassed in God’s loving care. In being born of Mary and living among us, Jesus took on all the risks and vulnerabilities of being human, including those of suffering hate, rejection, cruelty, injustice, disability and death. Jesus did not do so for the purpose of suffering these things for their own sake. Rather, his suffering was a necessary consequence of his walking the way of the cross (Luke 24:27) so that all might be reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:19)."

Christianity has done so much harm to disabled people: misrepresenting scripture about healing, blaming people or their sin for their health issues, not making worship spaces or theology accessible, and so much more. It's no wonder that we have so much trouble finding peace in our identities. Overwhelmingly, it seems, the many of the issues disabled people face are not from their disability, but how society treats their disability. (Check out the social model.) I believe in justice and liberation under God, including for the disabled.

You're probably carrying internalized ableism, from society and perhaps also the church. I'm with you there.

Additional Resources/Further Reading:

Our Bible App has several disability devotionals

"A Biblical View of Disability," Ros Bayes, bethinking, 2015.

Disabling Lent: An Anti-Ableist Lenten Devotional, Unbound.

"Moving Toward a Better Theology of Disability," Jil Vandezande Western Theological Seminary, 23 Nov 2015

"God on Wheels: Disability and Jewish Feminist Theology," Julia Watts Belser, Tikkun Magazine, 2014.

"This week my Episcopal priest said disabled persons are disabled because of our sin . . .", Twitter thread by Jonathan "Jack" Bates (@/jackmb), 20 Mar 2021

Heart and Soul: "Pick up your stretcher and walk!," BBC Sounds, 26 Apr 2019

"Stop trying to 'heal' me," Damon Rose, BBC News, 28 Apr 2019

"Is God disabled?" Ian Pauk, Psephizo, 27 May 2019

"The Full Affirmation of Disability Justice," Shannon Dingle, Sojourners, 20 Jun 2019

"Can the Church View Disabled Bodies as Jesus' Body?" Amy Kenny, Sojourners, 30 Apr 2020

"Liberation theology of disability and the option for the poor," Scot Danforth, Disability Studies Quarterly, Summer 2005.

The Disability & Faith Forum

"Out of the Darkness: Examining the Rhetoric of Blindness in the Gospel of John," Jennifer L. Koosed, Disability Studies Quarterly, Winter 2005

"Theological Accessibility: The Contribution of Disability," Deborah Creamer, Disability Studies Quarterly, Fall 2006

Copious Hosting: A Theology of Access for People with Disabilities by Jennie Weiss Block

A Healing Homiletic: Preaching and Disability by Kathy Black

Amazing Gifts: Stories of Faith, Disability, and Inclusion by Mark I. Pinksy

Wondrously Wounded: Theology, Disability, and the Body of Christ by Brian Brock

The Bible, Disability, and the Church: A New Vision of the People of God by Amos Yong

The Bible and Disability: A Commentary by Sarah J. Melcher

Crippled Grace: Disability, Virtue Ethics, and the Good Life by Shane Clifton

I think I got a bit off-topic. I don't have enough time to edit this. You're just receiving a lot of my thoughts. Hopefully something will be meaningful. Over and over, I prove to y'all that I don't have answers, but I do have a reading list.

I leave you with a prayer by Mary Batchelor:

God, we lift up to you all who are disabled - in hearing, in sight, in limb or in mind. Save them from bitterness and frustration, and give them joy in the midst of their limitations. May they find peace and fulfillment in knowing you and discovering your will for their lives. We pray for special grace for those who care for them. Give them your love and kindness and understanding of the real needs of those they look after. For Jesus' sake, amen.

<3 Johanna

[solomonish]

Solomon Headcanons

I didn’t like my old headcanons for him and I think I have a slightly better feel for him so I’m posting these bad boys. Maybe at this rate I’ll just post Solomon HCs every month 

Also this turned into more of a “I’m going to talk about Solomon in depth and maybe throw in one headcanon about kissing him” and is no longer “lol what kind of dates do you go on? <3″ so uh. do with that what you will. It’s also SUPER LONG (or feels that way) so make sure you have a hot second to read them

you can find my for real headcanons for him here but I don’t necessarily stand by them anymore? They’re just there for fun now lol

Solomon’s Relationship With Relationships

Solomon has been alive for...a long time, and with that naturally comes a lot of experiences, negative and positive. It’s also natural that it would also have him break out of traditional structures regarding...everything, but especially things regarding relationships and specific other people.

(Not to get sociological or philosophical about society or whatever, but the way we view everything is accented heavily by the end. With exceptions, and this certainly varies from culture to culture, but as a general idea, we view things expecting them to take place over the span of 70-100 years. Certain positions in politics or business or something try to look at things generationally, but how capable of that are we and how far ahead can we truly see?)

(What I mean to say is that immortality naturally shifts the entire context in which you would view things that were expected to be “lifelong.” What once existed to enrich a life is now a tether to a system that doesn’t necessarily suit his existence.)

Psychologically, however.....I don’t think Solomon has tried to (or even can) rewire himself entirely to the point where he doesn’t feel love. He’s already got a fondness for Simeon and Luke (always crying about him calling them “dear friends” in the circus event i don’t know if he says anything in the lessons because i’m only on like 21 LOL) so he’s clearly capable of fondness and affection.

Not that those should equate exactly to romantic feelings (because they shouldn’t), but there’s undeniable similarities between platonic and romantic affection and, for the purposes of speculating about an immortal’s capability to still feel both, I think they can be equated in this regard.

There are a lot of assumptions I’m making about him to make this post, namely the following: that there is still reconciling to be done internally between his immortality and humanity, that Solomon’s composed and confident nature is a bit of a front (only a bit - I’ll explain more later), and, related to these two, that he even cares about humanity and that he still wants to preserve his humanity.

While this might be my perspective as a regular human, I really don’t believe that the desire to be human and fully encompass what that means has left. If anything, I think his intrinsic desire for knowledge and power stems from it, and he’s just suppressed the “mushier” emotional parts of that as a sort of....defense mechanism, if you will.

SO the tl;dr of this is that you know how alloromantic people just like feel in love and they get their romantic crushes and it’s natural and they can’t control it? Solomon gets that! He just isn’t the type to swoon over someone or really make it known.

He also as a person is big on being manipulative shady and in control, so if he were to just be super obvious about having a crush on someone and not being able to do anything about it, that would sort of tarnish his whole image.

So yeah, I think Solomon just has his emotions on a tight leash when they probe to be out of control. Clearly, he doesn’t have every part of him under this sort of watchful eye (whether that’s because he still wants to feel genuine happiness or he knows if he came across as emotionless and calculated people would trust him even less, I haven’t decided), but those that cause trouble stay behind locked doors.

Additionally, I don’t think Solomon is opposed to falling in love. I’d bet he’s had lots of different partners over the years and remembers them fondly (you know, assuming they ended well)

I also think his immortal status makes dating different? I feel like doesn’t really date to find a life partner because. well. (gestures).

That’s not to say that he doesn’t date casually sometimes or something. In the terms of a serious romantic partnership, though, it’s rare that it happens because he knows that it’ll die with them (and stay within him for probably forever, even if/when there comes a day he can no longer remember their name or their face).

Another assumption I’m making that I forgot to mention: I think it’s rare that Solomon’s serious, long-term partners know the true extent of the magic he dabbles in. Maybe he lets them know it’s real magic, or he pretends it’s all show magic and parlor tricks. Sometimes he pretends his pact marks are tattoos, sometimes he tells the truth. If ever these confessions are laughed off, he laughs them off too and creates a cover story.

He doesn’t intend to lie, but it’s very difficult to meet someone and explain........all of THAT. On which date to you mention that you can control 72 demons? Do you send a card explaining how you’ve been alive since Biblical times and you’re not even sure if you birthday is your real birthday anymore, let alone how old you are? And should that card be store bought or homemade?

So while it’s rare for Solomon to have a serious romantic partnership, it’s even more rare for him to be entirely understood or accepted for EVERYTHING that he is because he can’t get into it. Arguably, that hasn’t happened since his “death” in his original timeline.

A crush for Solomon isn’t a hopeless affair, either. Should you choose someone else, he’ll allow himself the disappointment and move on.

With Solomon, romantic love sparks naturally, but genuine true love isn’t some all-powerful, unstoppable force. He falls more in line with the people who believe it’s a choice and a decision, somewhere between “it’s purely a biological impulse we just gave a fancy name” and “it’s the magic that makes life more enjoyable”

With MC

In the case of MC, however, I think he might initially see it as bothersome or a hinderance to whatever his plan is with being down there for the exchange program. Maybe he convinces himself he’s just naturally attracted to you because you’re human like him. Once he comes to terms with his feelings and gets to know MC a bit more, he might even see it as a lost cause seeing as you already have several of the brothers vying for your affections.

For Solomon to act on a crush that he’s already decided is hopeless, it’ll be up to the MC to show that THEY are interested in HIM

He finds no particular pleasure in being someone who is chased after or “playing hard to get,” but he already has a complicated relationship with complicated relationships. He’s gonna need a down payment of affection a sign that there’s anything even there to pursue 

Traditional flirting, while he’ll have his fun with it (and probably enjoy it at least a little - who doesn’t like feeling desirable?), doesn’t really work for him. Lots of people and creatures have used it to try and charm him, plus he has a pact with Asmo, so at this point he really sees it as more casual fun then an indication of true interest.

Honestly, to get him to realize “oh shit I actually have a chance,” you’re going to have to do two main things: 1) make him feel chosen over the others, and 2) respond to his displays of affection

Making Him Feel Chosen

This isn’t really a competition thing, or some selfish hoarding of your time. The thing is, Solomon knows he isn’t the only one in the running and he knows that anything he has to offer, somebody else could give you a portion of it.

(You won’t get the same experience or combination of traits with somebody else obvi, but with 11 suitors and an added chihuahua, there tends to be a little bit of overlap with everyone)

A crush for Solomon is a romantic interest, but if he intends on pursuing a serious relationship (which, I feel, is what he intends to be the final goal of his crushes as opposed to more casual affairs), he needs to see SOME reciprocation

Being with him is an ordeal, maybe a lifelong one for you, so he needs that assurance that it’ll be worth it and there aren’t better avenues

Basically, this means that ✨ quality time ✨ is of the utmost importance

At first, it doesn’t have to be anything big. Sit with him at lunch when you see him in the cafeteria, meet him in the library while you wait for your demon escort to be finished with their extracurriculars, chat him up in the one class you have together (and then ask him to help you study what you missed in class by talking. it’s a required transfer class but you already know everything about it, right, Solomon? 🥺)

As your relationship progresses, that’s when things start to get harder. Invite him out to things that you think he’ll enjoy, and say yes to as many excursions with him as you can. Bonus points for making it clear that you want to go when you’re unable to attend. 

(He finds himself a little embarrassed how happy it makes him when instead of just a “no” or a “sorry, not today” he gets something like “I’m on dinner duty so I have to spend that time preparing :( but we should definitely make a date so you can tell me about it later!” It makes him feel like a priority.)

It isn’t until you find yourself comfortable enough to ask him to accompany you to something you want to do that he starts to realize you’re hanging out with him for him and not because he’s just offering up a bunch of fun new experiences for you to try.

You don’t even have to say “hey, i’m pretty sure you know all about the birds in the Devildom aviary but I haven’t had a chance to go and would really like to spend the day with you. Wanna come with?” If it’s something that he knows you know isn’t in his wheelhouse, he’ll be able to figure out that OH.....you’re inviting him for HIM.....oh

Make him feel like a priority, like he’s the one that you want, even out of all your choices. You can be as enthralled by the birds in that aviary as you want, just as long as you make it clear that your enthusiasm to be with him is on the same level and he’ll finally kick himself into gear.

Responding to His Affections

Now, you don’t have to do anything you don’t like. I hear in his dame card devilgram he’s a consent king, and he stands by that every day of the week

He also isn’t the type to need an exact equal to everything he does. Yes a relationship is a two way street, but this isn’t saying that if he gets you a gift you need to present him something with equal or greater value within the next 24 hours. he’s not mammon haha i’m so FUNNY

Just...let him know that he’s doing things right. His serious relationships are few and far between and people change as often as the times do, so make sure that he knows what he’s doing is landing. He’s not insecure per se, but he would like to know that he isn’t making a fool of himself entirely, you know?

Don’t brush him off in front of the brothers or he’ll think he’s read the situation all wrong and you’re back to square one. If you do it because you don’t like touching and he put an arm around your shoulder or something, that’s fine, but if he thinks you’re uncomfortable being with him in front of the brothers he’ll wonder if you even liked him at all.

To him, a secret relationship isn’t really feasible. First of all, those brothers are ALWAYS in your business so bold of you to think you’ll have ANY secrets by the time the exchange program is done, and secondly, don’t you both have enough on your plate that you shouldn’t make something that makes you happy needlessly complicated?

He is an odd case and knows there’s a lot that comes with him, so if you’re uncomfortable simply showing that you’re in a relationship and reciprocating, he’ll think you aren’t equipped to handle.....All That.

In case you haven’t noticed, he’s weird. He’s a weirdo. He doesn’t fit in. And he doesn’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen him without that stupid cape on? That's weird.

If you respond to his affections in a similar way, such as putting you arm around his waist or a hand on his back when he puts an arm around your shoulder or reaching up to fix his hair when he reaches to mess with yours, it’ll make him happy for sure. He doesn’t have any specific expectations for you but he’ll like to feel like you’re on the same wavelength.

A lot of his affections are morphed into specific and targeted teasing (but not like *gently bullies u* teasing). It’s a lot of inside jokes at your expense (and the more inside jokes he has, the more he probably likes you)

It’s also a lot of messing up your hair, sharp pokes and frustrating games like “guess what?” “i don’t know, what?” “i told you to guess, MC.” “ugh...you won the lottery” “guess better” “please don’t do this to me Solomon”

He probably responds best to Acts of Service and Quality Time (though at any stage in the relationship he’s a flexible man). While he’s trying to woo you to solidify his spot in first place against everyone else, if you continue to make the effort to be around him or like. recognize he’s taking time out of his day to romance you and do something for him in return he’ll cement the fact that oh yeah, this is happening between the two of you

(not to say that romancing you is a chore, because it’s not, but man if it doesn’t make him happy that you’re wanting to make his life easier on him so he can pursue the other things he enjoys, too.)

What a Relationship with Solomon is Like

He isn’t the biggest person on PDA, or at least not on purpose. He won’t see you and immediately be like ‘oh there they are i need to kiss them kiss kiss kiss’ or whatever, but he’s not averse to it?

He doesn’t want physical affection to be a big deal, or at least not in public. unless that’s what you’re into ;) If the two of you are out and about and you kiss his hand, or you’re a generally physically affectionate person he’ll smile and respond and be generally unbothered by it, but don’t expect him to ever really have the desire to like make out in public or something. Really, you probably won’t get much more than a quick kiss because he DOES always have other things on his mind.

You will NOT be able to get out of him messing with you. If you need him to tone it down that’s fine, but the more you let him get away with, the less energy he’ll have to redirect into other troublemaking activities

Has a weird thing with licking too probably? like he’s not gross about it and it’s not like a NSFW fixation but he’ll do that mom thing where he licks his thumb because “you’ve got something on your cheek” and then reveal that he’s a LIAR

or he’ll put his face really close to yours and stick his tongue out when you turn your head so it hits your cheek

it just gets such a DRAMATIC reaction out of you so that’s why he does it? if you ask him genuinely to stop he will but if you comment on it he’ll just give you a small smile and not say anything then continue to do it

when he messes with you, it’s ok if you say he’s doing something weird but don’t make him feel childish. setting boundaries (and making regular observations - he is kinda weird) is more than alright but admonishing him just feels......off and will turn him sour for a bit

VERY appreciative of someone who supports his adventurous side. Also fond of someone who’s happy to tag along but knows that some things he has to do on his own.

Even if you don’t want to go, he’ll appreciate the support or the interest you show in what he does. Ask him where he’s going and what he’s doing there, but ask him because you’re interested and not because you’re overly worried.

Please be there for him when he gets back to talk about it. He really likes feeling important or cool when he tells his tales, even if all he did was go and catch a few magic salamanders or something.

PLEASE be a soundboard for all of his ideas. He knows that sometimes he’ll talk about things that are way over your head that he hasn’t learned yet, but he really does want your undivided attention. It doesn’t matter if you’re encouraging him, debating with him, telling him the idea is stupid (though don’t pull this one too often unless you intend to ask to be let in to the fun) or just watching in confusion. It’s important to him that you value what he has to say, and he hopes one day that he’ll be able to tell you anything and you’ll have a response to it all. (Even if you don’t learn magic to the degree he knows it, he hopes you’ll get to a point where you understand what he wants, even if you don’t know what magical elements he’s talking about or something.)

A relationship with Solomon is one where you’re both independent, but also can’t imagine not going to the other at the end of the day. It’s startling how quickly you become constant in the other’s life despite being in COMPLETELY different stages of magical development and learning about the demon world.

The relationship will be lots of fun, but there will be many serious moments, too. 

They’ll happen randomly. Maybe something from a class or a spell reminds him of something from his past, or maybe he’s reminded that he can’t remember so many things that he knows were important to him.

Sometimes, his Tuesday night blues will feel like a life-changing existential crises for you, but please, do what you can to be there for him in these moments. It worries him how much love and happiness he’s lost, especially when he knows he promised to remember it.

Once you get him to think aloud, he’ll say super heavy stuff life “What if I’ve forgotten who I really am and now I’m just something other people and magic have morphed me into?” or “When will the human race evolve or go extinct and leave me behind?” and it fucks you up, really. It fucks him up too

But please be patient with him, because there’s something important he has to get off his chest eventually. He’s worried already that he’ll forget you the way he’s probably forgotten so many others, but he doesn’t want to offend you and know that saying it would come off as uncaring.

You won’t have an answer for these moments, and he knows it. It’ll be best if you just hold him tight, stroke his hair if you’re laying down, and reassure him that you don’t care.

With how long he’s been alive, you’ll have to get past caring if you’re his “one true love” because he doesn’t have that. He gave up the right to having a one true love in exchange for never-ending life. But he still loves and he does love deeply, it just has a lot to cut through to properly be articulated.

So tell him. Tell him you know he’s had other loves, that you know you might not even be the best partner suited to him that he’s had. Tell him that you know when your time has come, he’ll find someone else eventually.

Tell him that what matters to you is that he loves you now, that he’s making things work with you now, and that he isn’t secretly yearning for some lover that’s come to pass or yet to come when he’s with you.

You can’t control what happened in the past or what happens in the future, but right now he’s yours and you’re his and he needs to learn to take things one lifetime at a time. Right now is YOUR Solomon time, and what happens after is just a consequence of time and you’ve already forgiven him for it.

instead of “mom says it’s my turn on the xbox” it’s “god says it’s MY turn on the Solomon”

send that to him for real and he’ll probably never forget you lol

How to Make a Relationship with Solomon Work

With all this in mind, the key to a good relationship with Solomon is keeping his head on his shoulders.

He’s ambitious, powerful, scary smart, and capable of so much more than you can even guess and he knows it. It’ll be good for him to have somebody to keep him on the ground.

Now, don’t be overbearing. If you try to stop him from going places or try to hinder his pursuit of knowledge out of fear for his safety, that’ll cause unbelievable strain on him. You will have to learn to let him work his things out the way he wants to, and it won’t always be the safest or most responsible way either.

He doesn’t mind a gentle scolding if he gets hurt. He won’t say it, but he kinda likes to be reminded how important he is to you.

Also be down to have fun and be a little reckless. Your safety will always be a priority to him, but nobody ever got anywhere without a little struggle, right? Sometimes adventuring with him and following him into the darkest magical corners of the world will require multiple (sometime literal) leaps of faith, but he’ll always be there to catch you.

Let Solomon work for you and the relationship, and you work to keep him sane and remind him that he can belong somewhere, even when he’s been himself for who knows how long and nowhere ever really stays the same.

You’ll always have to remind Solomon that not everything revolves around magic and power. He’s not been mortal for some time, so he gets caught up in the heady and lofty topics and ideas. 

Remind him about the simple joys of just having fun and goofing off, that not every moment not spent on homework has to be spent on potions. Remind him (in the human world) how cool a sunset is, or convince him to go through a museum and pretend he’s seeing everything for the first time. 

As much as he lives for understanding the grand topics most people can only dream of beginning to grasp, remind him of the little things. Remind him of human indulgences that he’s abandoned. Get him back in touch with that part of himself.

Solomon as a character feels like he’d be really aloof, but he’s honestly extremely devoted to what he invests his time in. He shows this devotion in small ways that feel more like riddles sometimes, in the way he always comes back after a rather dangerous magical excursion, in the way he shortens his time away so he can get back to you, in the way he learns to quiet his mind so he can properly take care of you and what you need and strengthen your relationship.

One thing that I think is a hallmark of a relationship with him is that Solomon loves things that can teach him more about what he doesn’t know. You don’t need to be the smartest person on the planet, or have a specialized and thorough education in some bizarre topic, or come from somewhere entirely different than what he knows to keep his interest.

You are uniquely human, and you help teach him about himself, the one thing that he can never seem to properly grasp and understand the way he wants to.

More importantly, you are you, the one who made pacts with all seven demon lords, the one captured his heart and promised to take care of it when you could throw it away for anybody else.

And you are the only one who could say those words that he believes. Hopefully, you’ll believe him when he says them, too.

[ava-candide]

Poldark’s Aidan Turner on playing Leonardo da Vinci

The newly married heart-throb actor learnt to paint left-handed for his new role, and he’s still daubing now, he tells Ed Potton

Aidan Turner takes on the role of Renaissance polymath Leonardo

I’m trying to work out where Aidan Turner is Zooming from. Is it London, where he moved to in 2017 after his Ross Poldark became the drooled-over king of Sunday-night television? Dublin, where he grew up, trained as an actor and returned to spend the first lockdown with his parents? Or Rome, where he shot his new series, Leonardo, in which he plays a young Leonardo da Vinci?

“None of the above!” Turner says. “I’m in Toronto.” The enigmatic charm, feline eyes and gleaming locks that he deployed so mercilessly in Poldark, The Hobbit films and Being Human are all there. “My missus is working here,” he explains, and so is he. That’s the American actress Caitlin FitzGerald, his partner of three years, whom he met when they starred in the 2018 film The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot. At first I assume the “missus” is laddish affectation but it turns out that it’s official: Turner and FitzGerald, both 37, got married in secret in Italy in August after filming finished on Leonardo. You can almost hear the sighs of disappointment ripple around the world.

Turner won’t say any more — he is famously guarded about his personal life — but he looks insanely happy in the couple’s rented apartment. FitzGerald — whose grandfather Desmond was a CIA agent and organised several plots to assassinate Fidel Castro — is shooting a series, Station Eleven, in Toronto while her husband works on another project that he’s not allowed to talk about. In their downtime they’ve been watching I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, an HBO documentary series about the Golden State Killer, and, on a lighter note, Ottolenghi and the Cakes of Versailles. They share the apartment with Charlie, an ebullient Norfolk terrier that Turner has to eject from the room halfway through our interview when he starts yapping. “I’m surprised he behaved for so long,” he says

Eight-part series Leonardo has been criticised for warping history

Like many of his fellow thesps, Turner has been doing a great deal of lockdown painting. “We have a roof garden here and the light has been really good,” he says. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this because I don’t know if the landlord knows. It’s not messy work anyway!” Unlike some of his peers — I’m looking at you, Pierce Brosnan — he has yet to unleash his daubings on the world. How would he describe his style? “I struggle to say abstract, but I haven’t quite figured out what it is yet.” Did it help with playing Leonardo? “I don’t know. If you saw my paintings, you’d assume very much not,” Turner says. He has a studied line in self-effacement, honed after years of “sexiest man on TV” questions.

Leonardo premiered in Italy last month and was watched by seven million, many of them doubtless keen to see Turner brooding in a succession of smocks. The eight-part series has been criticised for warping history, having the artist accused of murder and featuring an apparently fictional muse, Caterina da Cremona, played by Matilda De Angelis from The Undoing. Luca Bernabei, the chief executive of Lux Vide who produced the series, defended it stoutly. “Matilda De Angelis’s character did exist. She was a model Leonardo asked to paint,” he said. “We have been really careful in our research. But this is not a documentary, we are not historians and this is not a university history lecture.”

And if the history pedants are spluttering, the art pedants should be happier — the series goes to considerable lengths to make the painting look authentic. Each episode is themed around a different masterpiece, from the portrait of Ginevra de’ Benci to The Last Supper to the Mona Lisa, and the candlelit cinematography is often sumptuous. Turner’s research included a private view of a Leonardo exhibition. “I spent some time alone with the actual paintings, which was brilliant,” he says. “They’re just like high-definition photographs. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that a human had done this.”

Aidan Turner attended an artist’s boot camp before filming started

The series opens in Florence in the 1460s, with Leonardo a pupil of Verrocchio, played by the veteran Italian actor Giancarlo Giannini. Before the shoot Turner and his co-stars went on an artists’ boot camp (brush camp?) supervised by professionals. He says the hardest part was learning to paint, as Leonardo did, with his left hand. He compares it to learning to ride a horse for Poldark, which he pretended he knew how to do before going on a crash course when he got the part.

Brushwork was the same, he says. “I realised I had to get good quite quickly and look like I knew what I was doing with my left hand, which is more difficult than you would think. It’s keeping it steady — you find it just moves around a lot. Leonardo was very slow and precise — I think I got it down. After a few weeks you start picking up the brush with your left hand, it becomes natural.”

Leonardo was a vegetarian, Turner tells me, “and apparently later in life opened some sort of vegetarian restaurant”. He was also gay, something that, despite reports, the series does not shy away from. Was this Turner’s first time kissing a man on screen? He laughs. “Of all the things I was expecting you to ask next, that wasn’t one of them! In a lot of ways it was just another love scene. The fact that the gender was different — that was never a thing. No, it felt right. It didn’t feel any different at all. But yeah, to answer your question, that was the first time, which I’d never really thought of until now.”

What did feel weird, he says, were the Covid protocols. “Suddenly people are wearing masks and shields and hazmat suits. We had a big sanitisation machine as we walked in that would spray us. You take off the mask when you shoot the scene and it’s a bit strange for a second. Then you realise it’s the first time you’ve seen your co-star’s face that day. It’s not conducive to a very creative environment, for sure. But we made it work and nobody got sick.”

Turner spends a chunk of the first episode painting De Angelis, and both actors know what it’s like to be ogled. She has been asked endlessly about her naked locker-room sequence in The Undoing, just as he has been reminded of his shirtless scything scene in Poldark. Before that there was his lusted-after vampire in Being Human and his sexy dwarf in The Hobbit — branded a “dwilf” in some quarters — although that “definitely wasn’t the intention”, he says. “I think I just had less prosthetics on my face. My make-up call was 20 minutes and everyone else was sitting in the chair in the morning for three and a half hours. It wasn’t good to be around the other dwarfs in the mornings, that’s for sure.

“I get why people are interested,” he says of the ogling. “It’s just when it keeps coming up.”

We move on. According to a recent survey Cornwall has overtaken London as the most desirable place to live in Britain. Does he think Poldark played a part in that? He laughs. “Maybe we nudged a few people in the right direction. I think people forgot how beautiful that side of the world is. One of the first reviews of Poldark we read was like: ‘We can’t believe that this is our country, it looks like the south of France.’”

Could Poldark return, and would Turner be in it? If they stuck to the chronology of Winston Graham’s books they would have to leap ahead a few years. Maybe he could play an aged-up Ross Poldark in latex and fake paunch? “I don’t know if I’d be keen on the ageing-up thing,” he says. “It never really works. I don’t know whether they need to be too strict with that gap anyway. There’s the possibility someday, maybe. I enjoyed working with everybody on Poldark, from the writers right down to all the cast and crew. It really is like a family. So I’d be open to chat about it. But not for a while.”

Before that he will appear as the apostle Andrew in The Last Planet, the forthcoming biblical epic from Terrence Malick, revered creator of The Thin Red Line and The Tree of Life. Well, he doesn’t know for sure if he will appear. Actors of the calibre of Rachel Weisz, Mickey Rourke and Jessica Chastain have seen their performances in Malick films vanish during editing.

“You want what’s best for the film. And if you don’t fit into it, you don’t fit into it,” Turner says in the tone of hair-shirt devotion that actors tend to use when talking about Malick. With a cast including Ben Kingsley and Mark Rylance as Satan, the movie is meant to tell the story of Jesus through a series of parables. Turner doesn’t really have a clue, though.

“You don’t necessarily know what you’re signing up to. You’re signing up to Terrence Malick,” he says. The director has “a great way of working. Everything is around ‘where is the sun’ at this particular time. That’s our natural light and it’s all we use. So things happen fast. There’s no trailers, hair, make-up, we’re just all together. You don’t know from day to day what you’ll be doing. It’s quite renegade stuff. That’s the way I always wanted to work.”

It’s closer to the immediacy of the theatre, which is where Turner started out. The son of an electrician, Pearse, and an accountant, Eileen, he represented Ireland at ballroom dancing before falling into acting. After studying at the Gaiety School of Acting in Dublin he acted in plays for five years and in 2018 he returned to the stage to rave reviews in Martin McDonagh’s The Lieutenant of Inishmore in the West End. Rave being the operative word — his performance was bracingly unhinged. “I can’t wait to get back to the theatre,” he says. “That’s what we’re looking at probably next.”

Turner’s character in The Lieutenant of Inishmore was an Irish freedom fighter, but he is reluctant to talk about the prospect of Irish reunification (“So I don’t get shot when I get home,” he told one interviewer). Culture is safer ground, and his native country is going through a purple patch with Sally Rooney in literature, Fontaines DC in music and the likes of McDonagh, Jessie Buckley and Denise Gough in drama. “It tends to happen in waves,” Turner says. “Coming out of drama school, Colin Farrell was such a big thing. When these actors really make it you can feel some of their light begin to shine on the industry back home.”

Like Farrell, Turner is an international star, although it has mainly been in period roles: Poldark, Leonardo, Andrew and his breakout turn as the 19th-century poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the 2009 series Desperate Romantics. It must be something about the hair.

That could be about to change, though. Toronto often stands in for New York, which suggests that his current mystery project has a contemporary setting. Does he yearn to act in jeans? “Yeah, you’re right,” he says with a laugh. “After Leonardo, I think tights and knee-length boots are out for a while.” Many would beg him to reconsider.

[ucflibrary]

The national celebration of African American History was started by Carter G. Woodson, a Harvard-trained historian and the founder of the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History, and first celebrated as a weeklong event in February of 1926. After a half century of overwhelming popularity, the event was expanded to a full month in 1976 by President Gerald Ford.

Here at UCF Libraries we believe that knowledge empowers everyone in our community and that recognizing past inequities is the only way to prevent their continuation. This is why our February Featured Bookshelf suggestions range from celebrating outstanding African Americans to works illuminating the effects of systemic racism in our country. We are proud to present our top staff suggested books in honor of Black History Month 2021.

Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the Black History Month titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These books plus many, many more are also on display on the main floor of the John C. Hitt Library near the Research & Information Desk.

 A Black Women’s History of the United States by Daina Ramey Berry and Kali Nicole Gross In centering Black women's stories, two award-winning historians seek both to empower African American women and to show their allies that Black women's unique ability to make their own communities while combatting centuries of oppression is an essential component in our continued resistance to systemic racism and sexism. Berry and Gross prioritize many voices: enslaved women, freedwomen, religious leaders, artists, queer women, activists, and women who lived outside the law. The result is a starting point for exploring Black women's history and a testament to the beauty, richness, rhythm, tragedy, heartbreak, rage, and enduring love that abounds in the spirit of Black women in communities throughout the nation. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 A Bound Woman is a Dangerous Thing: the incarceration of African American women from Harriet Tubman to Sandra Bland by DaMaris B. Hill For black American women, the experience of being bound has taken many forms: from the bondage of slavery to the Reconstruction-era criminalization of women; from the brutal constraints of Jim Crow to our own era's prison industrial complex, where between 1980 and 2014, the number of incarcerated women increased by 700%. For those women who lived and died resisting the dehumanization of confinement--physical, social, intellectual--the threat of being bound was real, constant, and lethal. From Harriet Tubman to Assata Shakur, Ida B. Wells to Sandra Bland and Black Lives Matter, black women freedom fighters have braved violence, scorn, despair, and isolation in order to lodge their protests. DaMaris Hill honors their experiences with at times harrowing, at times hopeful responses to her heroes, illustrated with black-and-white photographs throughout. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Be Free or Die: the amazing story of Robert Smalls' escape from slavery to Union hero by Cate Lineberry Cate Lineberry's compelling narrative illuminates Robert Smalls’ amazing journey from slave to Union hero and ultimately United States Congressman. This captivating tale of a valuable figure in American history gives fascinating insight into the country's first efforts to help newly freed slaves while also illustrating the many struggles and achievements of African Americans during the Civil War. Suggested by Dawn Tripp, Research & Information Services

 Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self by Danielle Evans Fearless, funny, and ultimately tender, Evans's stories offer a bold new perspective on the experience of being young and African-American or mixed-race in modern-day America. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 Black Fatigue: how racism erodes the mind, body, and spirit by Mary-Frances Winters This is the first book to define and explore Black fatigue, the intergenerational impact of systemic racism on the physical and psychological health of Black people--and explain why and how society needs to collectively do more to combat its pernicious effects. Suggested by Glen Samuels, Circulation

 Deacon King Kong by James McBride From James McBride comes a wise and witty novel about what happens to the witnesses of a shooting. In September 1969, a fumbling, cranky old church deacon known as Sportcoat shuffles into the courtyard of the Cause Houses housing project in south Brooklyn, pulls a .45 from his pocket, and in front of everybody shoots the project's drug dealer at point-blank range. McBride brings to vivid life the people affected by the shooting: the victim, the African-American and Latinx residents who witnessed it, the white neighbors, the local cops assigned to investigate, the members of the Five Ends Baptist Church where Sportcoat was deacon, the neighborhood's Italian mobsters, and Sportcoat himself. As the story deepens, it becomes clear that the lives of the characters--caught in the tumultuous swirl of 1960s New York--overlap in unexpected ways. When the truth does emerge, McBride shows us that not all secrets are meant to be hidden, that the best way to grow is to face change without fear, and that the seeds of love lie in hope and compassion. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 Different Strokes: Serena, Venus, and the unfinished Black tennis revolution by Cecil Harris Harris chronicles the rise of the Williams sisters, as well as other champions of color, closely examining how African Americans are collectively faring in tennis, on the court and off. Despite the success of the Williams sisters and the election of former pro player Katrina Adams as the U.S. Tennis Association’s first black president, top black players still receive racist messages via social media and sometimes in public. The reality is that while significant progress has been made in the sport, much work remains before anything resembling equality is achieved. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 His Truth Is Marching On: John Lewis and the power of hope by Jon Meacham John Lewis, who at age twenty-five marched in Selma and was beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, is a visionary and a man of faith. Using intimate interviews with Lewis and his family and deep research into the history of the civil rights movement, Meacham writes of how the activist and leader was inspired by the Bible, his mother's unbreakable spirit, his sharecropper father's tireless ambition, and his teachers in nonviolence, Reverend James Lawson and Martin Luther King, Jr. A believer in hope above all else, Lewis learned from a young age that nonviolence was not only a tactic but a philosophy, a biblical imperative, and a transforming reality. Integral to Lewis's commitment to bettering the nation was his faith in humanity and in God, and an unshakable belief in the power of hope. Meacham calls Lewis as important to the founding of a modern and multiethnic twentieth- and twenty-first century America as Thomas Jefferson and James Madison and Samuel Adams were to the initial creation of the nation-state in the eighteenth century. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 Hitting a Straight Lick with a Crooked Stick by Zora Neale Hurston An outstanding collection of stories about love and migration, gender and class, racism and sexism that proudly reflect African American folk culture. Brought together for the first time in one volume, they include eight of Hurston’s “lost” Harlem stories, which were found in forgotten periodicals and archives. These stories challenge conceptions of Hurston as an author of rural fiction and include gems that flash with her biting, satiric humor, as well as more serious tales reflective of the cultural currents of Hurston’s world. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 Race, Sports, and Education: improving opportunities and outcomes for black male college athletes by John N. Singer Through his analysis of the system and his attention to student views and experiences, Singer crafts a valuable, nuanced account and points in the direction of reforms that would significantly improve the educational opportunities and experiences of these athletes. At a time when collegiate sports have attained unmistakable institutional value and generated unprecedented financial returns-all while largely failing the educational needs of its athletes-this book offers a clear, detailed vision of the current situation and suggestions for a more equitable way forward. Suggested by Megan Haught, Student Learning & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Real Life by Brandon Taylor A novel of rare emotional power that excavates the social intricacies of a late-summer weekend -- and a lifetime of buried pain. Almost everything about Wallace, an introverted African-American transplant from Alabama, is at odds with the lakeside Midwestern university town where he is working toward a biochem degree. For reasons of self-preservation, Wallace has enforced a wary distance even within his own circle of friends -- some dating each other, some dating women, some feigning straightness. But a series of confrontations with colleagues, and an unexpected encounter with a young straight man, conspire to fracture his defenses, while revealing hidden currents of resentment and desire that threaten the equilibrium of their community. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

 Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde In this charged collection of fifteen essays and speeches, Lorde takes on sexism, racism, ageism, homophobia, and class, and propounds social difference as a vehicle for action and change. Her prose is incisive, unflinching, and lyrical, reflecting struggle but ultimately offering messages of hope. Suggested by Emily Horne, Rosen Library

 The Privileged Poor: how elite colleges are failing disadvantaged students by Abraham Jack College presidents and deans of admission have opened their doors--and their coffers--to support a more diverse student body. But is it enough just to let them in? Anthony Jack reveals that the struggles of less privileged students continue long after they've arrived on campus. In their first weeks they quickly learn that admission does not mean acceptance. In this bracing and necessary book, Jack documents how university policies and cultures can exacerbate preexisting inequalities, and reveals why these policies hit some students harder than others. Jack provides concrete advice to help schools reduce these hidden disadvantages--advice we cannot afford to ignore. Suggested by Peggy Nuhn, UCF Connect Libraries

 The Sun Does Shine: how I found life and freedom on death row by Anthony Ray Hinton, with Lara Love Hardin In 1985, Anthony Ray Hinton was arrested and charged with two counts of capital murder in Alabama. Stunned, confused, and only twenty-nine years old, Hinton knew that it was a case of mistaken identity and believed that the truth would prove his innocence and ultimately set him free. But with no money and a different system of justice for a poor black man in the South, Hinton was sentenced to death by electrocution. He spent his first three years on Death Row at Holman State Prison in agonizing silence, full of despair and anger toward all those who had sent an innocent man to his death. But as Hinton realized and accepted his fate, he resolved not only to survive, but find a way to live on Death Row. For the next twenty-seven years he was a beacon, transforming not only his own spirit, but those of his fellow inmates, fifty-four of whom were executed mere feet from his cell. With the help of civil rights attorney and author Bryan Stevenson, Hinton won his release in 2015. Suggested by Lily Dubach, UCF Connect Libraries

 This is Major: notes on Diana Ross, dark girls, and being dope by Shayla Lawson Shayla Lawson is major. You don't know who she is, yet, but that's okay. She is on a mission to move black girls like herself from best supporting actress to a starring roles in the major narrative. With a unique mix of personal stories, pop culture observations, and insights into politics and history, Lawson sheds light on the many ways black femininity has influenced mainstream culture. Timely, enlightening, and wickedly sharp, Lawson shows how major black women and girls really are. Suggested by Glen Samuels, Circulation

 We Want Our Bodies Back by Jessica Care Moore Over the past two decades, Jessica Care Moore has become a cultural force as a poet, performer, publisher, activist, and critic. Reflecting her transcendent electric voice, this searing poetry collection is filled with moving, original stanzas that speak to both Black women’s creative and intellectual power, and express the pain, sadness, and anger of those who suffer constant scrutiny because of their gender and race. Fierce and passionate, she argues that Black women spend their lives building a physical and emotional shelter to protect themselves from misogyny, criminalization, hatred, stereotypes, sexual assault, objectification, patriarchy, and death threats. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

[captain-ross-poldark]

Poldark’s Aidan Turner on playing Leonardo da Vinci

Ed Potton

Friday 2 April 2021

Aidan Turner takes on the role of Renaissance polymath LeonardoJUSTIN SUTCLIFFE/EYEVIN

I’m trying to work out where Aidan Turner is Zooming from. Is it London, where he moved to in 2017 after his Ross Poldark became the drooled-over king of Sunday-night television? Dublin, where he grew up, trained as an actor and returned to spend the first lockdown with his parents? Or Rome, where he shot his new series, Leonardo, in which he plays a young Leonardo da Vinci?

“None of the above!” Turner says. “I’m in Toronto.” The enigmatic charm, feline eyes and gleaming locks that he deployed so mercilessly in Poldark, The Hobbit films and Being Human are all there. “My missus is working here,” he explains, and so is he. That’s the American actress Caitlin FitzGerald, his partner of three years, whom he met when they starred in the 2018 film The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot. At first I assume the “missus” is laddish affectation but it turns out that it’s official: Turner and FitzGerald, both 37, got married in secret in Italy in August after filming finished on Leonardo. You can almost hear the sighs of disappointment ripple around the world.

Turner won’t say any more — he is famously guarded about his personal life — but he looks insanely happy in the couple’s rented apartment. FitzGerald — whose grandfather Desmond was a CIA agent and organised several plots to assassinate Fidel Castro — is shooting a series, Station Eleven, in Toronto while her husband works on another project that he’s not allowed to talk about. In their downtime they’ve been watching I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, an HBO documentary series about the Golden State Killer, and, on a lighter note, Ottolenghi and the Cakes of Versailles. They share the apartment with Charlie, an ebullient Norfolk terrier that Turner has to eject from the room halfway through our interview when he starts yapping. “I’m surprised he behaved for so long,” he says.

Eight-part series Leonardo has been criticised for warping historyPA

Like many of his fellow thesps, Turner has been doing a great deal of lockdown painting. “We have a roof garden here and the light has been really good,” he says. “I probably shouldn’t be saying this because I don’t know if the landlord knows. It’s not messy work anyway!” Unlike some of his peers — I’m looking at you, Pierce Brosnan — he has yet to unleash his daubings on the world. How would he describe his style? “I struggle to say abstract, but I haven’t quite figured out what it is yet.” Did it help with playing Leonardo? “I don’t know. If you saw my paintings, you’d assume very much not,” Turner says. He has a studied line in self-effacement, honed after years of “sexiest man on TV” questions.

Leonardo premiered in Italy last month and was watched by seven million, many of them doubtless keen to see Turner brooding in a succession of smocks. The eight-part series has been criticised for warping history, having the artist accused of murder and featuring an apparently fictional muse, Caterina da Cremona, played by Matilda De Angelis from The Undoing. Luca Bernabei, the chief executive of Lux Vide who produced the series, defended it stoutly. “Matilda De Angelis’s character did exist. She was a model Leonardo asked to paint,” he said. “We have been really careful in our research. But this is not a documentary, we are not historians and this is not a university history lecture.”

And if the history pedants are spluttering, the art pedants should be happier — the series goes to considerable lengths to make the painting look authentic. Each episode is themed around a different masterpiece, from the portrait of Ginevra de’ Benci to The Last Supper to the Mona Lisa, and the candlelit cinematography is often sumptuous. Turner’s research included a private view of a Leonardo exhibition. “I spent some time alone with the actual paintings, which was brilliant,” he says. “They’re just like high-definition photographs. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that a human had done this.”

Aidan Turner attended an artist’s boot camp before filming startedVITTORIA FENATI MORACE

The series opens in Florence in the 1460s, with Leonardo a pupil of Verrocchio, played by the veteran Italian actor Giancarlo Giannini. Before the shoot Turner and his co-stars went on an artists’ boot camp (brush camp?) supervised by professionals. He says the hardest part was learning to paint, as Leonardo did, with his left hand. He compares it to learning to ride a horse for Poldark, which he pretended he knew how to do before going on a crash course when he got the part.

Brushwork was the same, he says. “I realised I had to get good quite quickly and look like I knew what I was doing with my left hand, which is more difficult than you would think. It’s keeping it steady — you find it just moves around a lot. Leonardo was very slow and precise — I think I got it down. After a few weeks you start picking up the brush with your left hand, it becomes natural.”

Leonardo was a vegetarian, Turner tells me, “and apparently later in life opened some sort of vegetarian restaurant”. He was also gay, something that, despite reports, the series does not shy away from. Was this Turner’s first time kissing a man on screen? He laughs. “Of all the things I was expecting you to ask next, that wasn’t one of them! In a lot of ways it was just another love scene. The fact that the gender was different — that was never a thing. No, it felt right. It didn’t feel any different at all. But yeah, to answer your question, that was the first time, which I’d never really thought of until now.”

What did feel weird, he says, were the Covid protocols. “Suddenly people are wearing masks and shields and hazmat suits. We had a big sanitisation machine as we walked in that would spray us. You take off the mask when you shoot the scene and it’s a bit strange for a second. Then you realise it’s the first time you’ve seen your co-star’s face that day. It’s not conducive to a very creative environment, for sure. But we made it work and nobody got sick.”

With his wife, the American actress Caitlin FitzGeraldREX FEATURES

Turner spends a chunk of the first episode painting De Angelis, and both actors know what it’s like to be ogled. She has been asked endlessly about her naked locker-room sequence in The Undoing, just as he has been reminded of his shirtless scything scene in Poldark. Before that there was his lusted-after vampire in Being Human and his sexy dwarf in The Hobbit — branded a “dwilf” in some quarters — although that “definitely wasn’t the intention”, he says. “I think I just had less prosthetics on my face. My make-up call was 20 minutes and everyone else was sitting in the chair in the morning for three and a half hours. It wasn’t good to be around the other dwarfs in the mornings, that’s for sure.

“I get why people are interested,” he says of the ogling. “It’s just when it keeps coming up.”

We move on. According to a recent survey Cornwall has overtaken London as the most desirable place to live in Britain. Does he think Poldark played a part in that? He laughs. “Maybe we nudged a few people in the right direction. I think people forgot how beautiful that side of the world is. One of the first reviews of Poldark we read was like: ‘We can’t believe that this is our country, it looks like the south of France.’”

Could Poldark return, and would Turner be in it? If they stuck to the chronology of Winston Graham’s books they would have to leap ahead a few years. Maybe he could play an aged-up Ross Poldark in latex and fake paunch? “I don’t know if I’d be keen on the ageing-up thing,” he says. “It never really works. I don’t know whether they need to be too strict with that gap anyway. There’s the possibility someday, maybe. I enjoyed working with everybody on Poldark, from the writers right down to all the cast and crew. It really is like a family. So I’d be open to chat about it. But not for a while.”

Turner with Eleanor Tomlinson in PoldarkMIKE HOGAN

Before that he will appear as the apostle Andrew in The Last Planet, the forthcoming biblical epic from Terrence Malick, revered creator ofThe Thin Red Line and The Tree of Life. Well, he doesn’t know for sure if he will appear. Actors of the calibre of Rachel Weisz, Mickey Rourke and Jessica Chastain have seen their performances in Malick films vanish during editing.

“You want what’s best for the film. And if you don’t fit into it, you don’t fit into it,” Turner says in the tone of hair-shirt devotion that actors tend to use when talking about Malick. With a cast including Ben Kingsley and Mark Rylance as Satan, the movie is meant to tell the story of Jesus through a series of parables. Turner doesn’t really have a clue, though.

“You don’t necessarily know what you’re signing up to. You’re signing up to Terrence Malick,” he says. The director has “a great way of working. Everything is around ‘where is the sun’ at this particular time. That’s our natural light and it’s all we use. So things happen fast. There’s no trailers, hair, make-up, we’re just all together. You don’t know from day to day what you’ll be doing. It’s quite renegade stuff. That’s the way I always wanted to work.”

It’s closer to the immediacy of the theatre, which is where Turner started out. The son of an electrician, Pearse, and an accountant, Eileen, he represented Ireland at ballroom dancing before falling into acting. After studying at the Gaiety School of Acting in Dublin he acted in plays for five years and in 2018 he returned to the stage to rave reviews in Martin McDonagh’s The Lieutenant of Inishmore in the West End. Rave being the operative word — his performance was bracingly unhinged. “I can’t wait to get back to the theatre,” he says. “That’s what we’re looking at probably next.”

Turner’s character in The Lieutenant of Inishmore was an Irish freedom fighter, but he is reluctant to talk about the prospect of Irish reunification (“So I don’t get shot when I get home,” he told one interviewer). Culture is safer ground, and his native country is going through a purple patch with Sally Rooney in literature, Fontaines DC in music and the likes of McDonagh, Jessie Buckley and Denise Gough in drama. “It tends to happen in waves,” Turner says. “Coming out of drama school, Colin Farrell was such a big thing. When these actors really make it you can feel some of their light begin to shine on the industry back home.”

Like Farrell, Turner is an international star, although it has mainly been in period roles: Poldark, Leonardo, Andrew and his breakout turn as the 19th-century poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the 2009 series Desperate Romantics. It must be something about the hair.

That could be about to change, though. Toronto often stands in for New York, which suggests that his current mystery project has a contemporary setting. Does he yearn to act in jeans? “Yeah, you’re right,” he says with a laugh. “After Leonardo, I think tights and knee-length boots are out for a while.” Many would beg him to reconsider.

All episodes of Leonardo will be on Amazon from April 16

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/poldarks-aidan-turner-on-playing-leonardo-da-vinci-wnmqhxqxr

[reikikabbalah]

Kabbalah Ultimate Guide: Key to Your Inner Power (2021)

Kabbalah (also called Kabalah, Cabala, Qabala) is a Jewish tradition that deals with the essence of God. It is frequently translated as "mysticism" or "occult knowledge." Kabbalists believe that God works in mysterious ways, whether it's through a sacred text, an experience, or the way things work. Kabbalists, on the other hand, believe that actual knowledge and understanding of that inner, unfathomable process is possible, and that this knowledge can lead to the deepest connection with God.

The Zohar, a compilation of written, mystical interpretations on the Torah, is regarded as Kabbalah's foundation. The Zohar, written in ancient Aramaic and medieval Hebrew, is meant to lead Kabbalists on their spiritual path, assisting them in achieving greater degrees of communion with God.Kabbalistic philosophy is frequently regarded as Jewish mysticism. Its adherents prefer to see the Creator and Creation as a unified whole rather than separate entities, and they yearn for closeness to God. Because of the tremendous mystical sense of connection that Kabbalists believe exists between God and humans, this longing is extremely strong. Every person's soul has a hidden part of God that is waiting to be unveiled. Even mystics who hesitate to express such a strong merger of God and man find divinity pervading all of Creation, blurring the lines between God and the universe. Moses Cordovero, a Kabbalist, writes: “The essence of divin­ity can be discovered in everything, and nothing exists save It....It exists in each existent.”

History of Kabalah:

Throughout history, historians of Judaism have identified numerous schools of Jewish esotericism, each with its own set of interests and ideas. The Kabbalah as it was known in the 12th and subsequent centuries. To avoid the pitfalls inherent in mystical experiences, Kabbalah has traditionally been primarily an oral tradition in which entrance into its teachings and rituals is conducted by a personal tutor. Insofar as it claims secret knowledge of the unwritten Torah (divine revelation) that was transmitted by God to Moses and Adam, esoteric Kabbalah is also "tradition." Though the Torah remained the central foundation of Judaism, Kabbalah provided a means of directly addressing God. It therefore provided Judaism a theological dimension, while some saw its mystical approaches to God as dangerously pantheistic and heretical.The origins of Kabbala can be traced back to Merkava mysticism. The euphoric and mystical contemplation of the heavenly throne, or "chariot" (merkava), seen in a vision by Ezekiel, the prophet, began to grow in Palestine in the first century CE (Ezekiel 1). SeferYetzira ("Book of Creation"), the first known Jewish treatise on magic and cosmology, was written between the third and sixth centuries. It presented creation as a process involving God the Creator's 10 divine numbers (sefirot; see sefira) and the Hebrew alphabet's 22 letters. They were claimed to make up the "32 paths of secret wisdom" when taken together.

The 12th-century Sefer ha-bahir (“Book of Brightness”), a significant tract of early Kabbala, had a deep and enduring influence on the development of Jewish esoteric mysticism and on Judaism in general. The Bahir not only understood the sefirot as playing a role in the creation and maintenance of the universe, but he also incorporated concepts like soul transmigration (gilgul) into Judaism and strengthened the foundations of Kabbala by giving it with a rich mystical symbolism.The Sefer ha-temuna (“Book of the Image”), published in Spain in the following century, established the concept of cosmic cycles, each of which provides a divine attribute-based interpretation of the Torah. As a result, Judaism was portrayed as a religion with changing truths, with a different Torah for each cycle, or eon. Spain also produced the legendary Sefer ha-zohar ("Book of Splendour"), a book with a sanctity rivaling that of the Torah itself in some places. It included mystical theories on evil, salvation, and the soul, as well as the mystery of creation and the roles of the sefirot. After their exile from Spain in 1492, Jews were more interested than ever in messianic expectations and eschatology, and Kabbala gained widespread acceptance.

Lurianic Kabbala also had a considerable impact on the ideas of modern asidism, a social and theological movement that emerged in the 18th century and continues to thrive in small but substantial Jewish communities today.By the mid-16th century, Safed, Galilee, had established itself as the undisputed center of Kabbala, and it was here that one of the greatest of all Kabbalists, Isaac ben Solomon Luria, spent the last years of his life. Luria's influence was only equaled by that of the Sefer ha-zohar, according to Gershom Gerhard Scholem, a modern Jewish Kabbala scholar.The “withdrawal” (tzimtzum) of divine light, so creating primordial space; the sinking of illuminating particles into matter (qellipot: “shells”); and a “cosmic restoration” (tiqqun) that the Jew achieves via an intensive mystical life and unrelenting combat against evil. Shabbetaianism, a 17th-century Jewish messianic movement, was justified using Lurianic Kabbalism as justification.

The name "Kabbalah" technically refers to literature that first appeared in medieval Spain and southern France in the 13th century. However, outside of academics, the name "Kabbalah" is used to refer to all types of Jewish esotericism.Kabbalah was a popular and widely practiced esoteric knowledge tradition until the start of the modern period, however there were restrictions on the age and relative piety of initiates. It included ancient Talmudic investigations of biblical subjects, stories of ecstatic descents to God's throne, massive creation myths, tremendous messianic zeal, and forms of pietistic ritual and practice that gave rise to groups that still affect Judaism today.Following the haskalah, or Jewish Enlightenment, many Jews saw the Kabbalah as at best an embarrassing relic of a more credulous era, and it fell into contempt among Europe's increasingly secular Jews. The Kabbalah, on the other hand, has recently witnessed a huge renaissance, with widespread secular and religious interest in it and certain schools reaching out to non-Jews in unprecedented ways.

Difference between Kabbalah vs Hermetic Qabalah?

Now lets see what is Hermetic Qabalah it is a type of Kabalah Hermetic Qabalah is a Western esoteric tradition incorporating mysticism and the occult (from Hebrew (qabalah)'reception, accounting'). The essence of divinity is a key preoccupation of Hermetic Qabalah, whose idea differs significantly from that of monotheistic religions; in particular, there is no rigid division between god and humanity as observed in monotheisms. The Neoplatonic belief that the manifest cosmos, of which material creation is a part, arose as a sequence of emanations from the godhead is held by Hermetic Qabalah.It is the ideology and framework that underpins magical organizations like the Golden Dawn, The lemic orders, and mystical-religious societies like the Builders of the Adytum and the Fellowship of the Rosy Cross, as well as the Neopagan, Wiccan, and New Age movements. The Hermetic Qabalah is the foundation for left-hand path orders like the Typhonian Order to study Qliphothic Qabalah. In the European Renaissance, Hermetic Qabalah evolved alongside and merged with Christian Cabalistic participation, evolving into Esoteric Christian, non-Christian, or anti-Christian schools in the contemporary age. It is influenced by a variety of sources, including Jewish Kabbalah, Western astrology, Alchemy, Pagan religions, particularly Egyptian and Greco-Roman (from which the term "Hermetic" is derived), neoplatonism, gnosticism, John Dee and Edward Kelley's Enochian system of angelic magic, hermeticism, tantra, and tarot symbolism. Although Hermetic Qabalah differs from Jewish Kabbalah in that it is a more openly syncretic system, but it shares many concepts with Jewish Kabbalah.The Neo-Platonic, Sufi, Hermetic, and Christian Mystical Sources have enhanced the main system, which is known as the Hermetic Qabalah. Qablah is more than just a collection of facts. It's a technique for teaching the mind to think practically and in relational terms. Aspirants can use this technique to awaken their awareness and solve the ultimate questions about nature, God, the Universe, and man's soul.In the European Renaissance, Hermetic Qabalah evolved alongside and merged with Christian Cabalistic participation, becoming variously Esoteric Christian, non-Christian, or anti-Christian across its various schools in the modern day. It is influenced by a wide range of sources, including Jewish Kabbalah, Western astrology, Alchemy, Pagan religions, particularly Egyptian and Greco-Roman (from which the term "Hermetic" is derived), neoplatonism, gnosticism, John Dee and Edward Kelley's Enochian system of angelic magic, hermeticism, tantra, and tarot symbolism.

Mystic Kabbalah & Esoteric knowledge:

Jewish mysticism is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of theories about the Godhead, as well as practices and beliefs that go beyond the requirements of traditional Judaism. The term Kabbalah refers to a type of Jewish mysticism that emerged in Provence and Catalonia in the 12th century CE. It was concerned with the inner structure and processes occurring within the divine realms, the metaphysical dynamics of which the Kabbalists attempted to influence.

This phenomenon was distinct from the older Ashkenazic mystical traditions, which were primarily concerned with rigorous piety and interpretive techniques applied to official Jewish texts in order to reveal their hidden layers of meaning. It was also distinct from magical traditions, which were primarily concerned with subduing supernatural forces and harnessing them to effect physical change. What these various strands of hidden Jewish traditions have in common is a belief in the supernatural power of language.

The Hebrew language has a divine origin, according to Jewish tradition. God creates the world in Genesis by pronouncing his will; thus, language has the ultimate creative potential. From antiquity to the present, this viewpoint has served as the foundation for the majority of Jewish mystical and magical traditions. One of the earliest Jewish mystical texts of Hellenistic provenance, Seferyetsirah, which scholars date between the 2nd and 7th centuries CE, describes the process of creation as taking place through the 22 Hebrew letters and ten cardinal numbers.Early on, SeferYetsirah received magically oriented interpretations that explained how to imagine and possibly repeat the divine process of creation by manipulating the Hebrew alphabet, resulting in the creation of a golem.  Giving a golem a name was thought to animate and control its body, while erasing the name was thought to annihilate the creature.

Any name and its designated object are directly linked in Jewish mystical tradition, so the name reflects the nature of its object. Every entity has a linguistic equivalent – a name, and God is no exception. The highest form of knowledge in some medieval Ashkenazic mystical works, as well as in some types of later Kabbalah, concerns the divine realms, with the names of angels and the divine being the most important.

Abulafia's prophetic Kabbalah required extensive physical and mental preparations, as well as years of study by each potential practitioner. Although it required a thorough understanding of the accompanying procedures, the use of names in Jewish magic was far more democratic. Anyone could follow a procedure detailed in multiple manuals or cookbooks, and success was solely dependent on strict adherence to the formulae. As a result, divine, angelic, and even demonic names were used for a variety of purposes. Manuscript sources abound with spells and adjurations demonstrating the widespread popularity of all types of magic among Jews, whether therapeutic (aimed at healing), learned (aiding in knowledge and memory), or even aggressive (used to subdue a person to someone else's will).

While the majority of mystical and Kabbalistic teaching was aimed at understanding and influencing the supernatural realm, magic was thought to provide immediate effects in the physical realm. Interestingly, many medieval and early modern manuscripts contain both Kabbalistic and magical texts, confirming the widely held belief that language was capable of affecting changes on various levels of creation and beyond. Each miscellaneous Kabbalistic manuscript captures a complex web of connections between speculative (elite) Kabbalah and practical (popular) Jewish magic.

The Jewish mystical tradition is rich and diverse, and Jewish mysticism has manifested itself in a variety of ways. Moshe Idel, a scholar, categorizes Jewish mysticism into two broad categories: moderate and intense. Moderate mysticism is philosophical in nature. It is an attempt to comprehend God and God's world, with the ultimate goal of influencing and changing the divine realm. This type of mysticism incorporates many aspects of traditional Judaism, such as Torah study and commandment observance, and imbues these activities with mystical significance. Intensive mysticism, on the other hand, is primarily experiential. In order to communicate with God, intensive mystics engage in nontraditional religious practices such as chanting and meditation.

The first forms of Jewish mysticism appeared in the first millennium's early centuries. The most common early form was Merkavah mysticism. Merkavah mystics sought to comprehend and experience the vision of the divine throne described in the first chapter of Ezekiel's biblical book. Another type of early mysticism was concerned with delving into the mysterious methods by which God created the world. The most important work of creation mysticism, SeferYetzirah, describes the creation of the world through the arrangement of letters and numbers.

Traditional mystical concepts continue to pervade mainstream Jewish thought (for example, the concepts of tikkun ha-olam, or world repair, and tzimtzum, God's self-limitation), and texts of mystical origin have infiltrated Jewish liturgy (including LechaDodi, the Friday night hymn welcoming the Sabbath, and other liturgical poetry). Furthermore, academic study of Jewish mysticism has flourished in recent decades, owing largely to the work of a single scholar, GershomScholem. Scholem discovered and interpreted numerous mystical manuscripts, shedding light on the origins and evolution of Jewish mysticism.

Can Kabbalah used for healing!

Sharon Brock's Kabbalah, a branch of Jewish mysticism, has regained popularity after a brief surge in the 1970s. But are its tenets relevant to health-care providers? Dr. Tsvi Bar-David, an interfaith chaplain in San Francisco, believes the answer is unequivocally yes. On May 12, he explained to UCSF students how health care providers can use Kabbalah facets to heal. The UCSF Jewish Students Association sponsored the lecture.Kabbalah, which means "to receive" in Hebrew, is a nearly 2,000-year-old belief system about the nature of divinity, the creation of the world, and the role of humans. Kabbalah, as described in the 13th-century book The Zohar, or "Book of Splendor," includes meditative, devotional, mystical, and magical traditions, which is why it is considered an esoteric offshoot of Judaism. Bar-David took a practical approach to Kabbalah in his lecture, explaining how the Ten Sefirots of Light and Darkness can be used for healing. The Sefirots are three-dimensional conceptual spheres that are specifically arranged in a treelike formation in a theoretical space between heaven and earth.

The other spheres are arranged in this contraction-versus-expansion pattern, implying that happiness is attained by striking a central balance between the two sides. The concept of wisdom - or layer of wisdom - is balanced between Binah, which means orderly intelligence and analysis, and Chochmah, which means boundless knowledge and insight. Waiting is a concept or layer that balances Hod, which means restraint and reflection, with Netzach, which means persistence and steadfastness. On a clinical level, the spheres can be used as diagnostic categories, according to Bar-David.Health care providers can assess where their patients fall on this map and recommend behaviors to mitigate the problem. For example, if a woman shows smothering love to her husband and becomes co-dependent, she is displaying too much Chesed and needs to restore balance by setting boundaries, or Gevurah. "Balance is the key to happiness," says Bar-David. "A significant part of healing occurs when patients have the words to describe their behavior and how they are feeling." This map establishes a common language of communication "According to Kabbalists, this map represents the path that the world took when it was created, beginning with the top layer, EinSof, which is the infinite divine and beyond human comprehension; moving down to the first sphere, Keter, which means the will or desire to be a parent; and continuing to the Yesod, or male sexual energy; and the Schechinah, or female sexual energy. Another basic tenet of Kabbalah is that man was created in the image of God. As a result, when people heal themselves, they are also healing God, every other person on the planet, and the earth itself, according to Bar-David. "When I am able to heal my own wounds,'I'm also helping the world and repairing God,' said Bar-David, adding that "from a Kabbalistic standpoint, the journey of health is a very different journey."

Can practicing Kabbalah bring you closer to God!

Every human action on earth, according to the Kabbalah, has an impact on the divine realm, either advancing or impeding the union of the Shechina and the Holy One, blessed be He. God is not a static being, but a dynamic becoming. God is incomplete and unrealized without human participation. It is up to us to actualize the divine potential in the world.

God needs us. Be aware that God fashioned everything and is within everything. Flashes of intuition will come and go and you will discover a secret here. If you are deserving, you will understand the mystery of God on your own.In the flow of the holy spirit, one feels the divine life force coursing the pathways of existance, through all desires, all universe, all nations, all creatures. By cleaving in love and full awareness to the source of life, the soul shines from the supernal light, and all feelings, thoughts and actions are refined. The essence of faith is an awareness of the vastness of Infinity.

Conclusion:

According to Kaballah Not transcending the body, but bringing body and spirit together is the highest spiritual achievement. To do so, however, you must let go of the beliefs that erect barriers around the Infinite and recognize the body as a source of holiness in and of itself. Kaballah is basically a holy process of connecting with got and finding out ones inner self and connection with magical power that one has on himself. It is a spiritual connection that can heal you physical and mental health by connecting with god. That finds the god who is  inside everyone of us. And it creates the believes on oneself and the connectivity between god and us. And makes you believe that god is within us and we can interact with him whenever we want we just need to focus and find it out in our inner self.