#bianca’s more in control of her so i thought ‘hey what if that was reflected in her wearing a lil more colourful stuff’

[happi-dreams]

lil wips :D

[solangelover]

A Glowing Future

Submission by @satans-little-helper33

This piece takes place right after Nico’s final chapter at the end of Blood of Olympus.

Main Characters: Will Solace and Nico DiAngelo

Solangelo fluff

Nico’s encounter with Eros had cracked him wide open and left him feeling vulnerable and broken, forced to face his own reality and feelings, exposed in front of Jason; he was forced to share his darkest secret for a god’s amusement. Nico now knew he could trust Jason to keep it to himself, though, and he was beginning to realize that in order to crawl out of his self-constructed prison, his barriers first had to be torn down.

The feelings that had haunted him for so long—the shame, the fear, the denial—caused by the mentality of the 1940s he’d grown up in began to fade away. 

He was no longer that scared little boy who had been enraptured by the presence of a powerful demigod, and now that he had finally confessed his past feelings to Percy, Nico felt that he could finally move forward. 

Hades’s son made his way back down the hill to where Will was waiting for him, wearing scrubs,  jeans, and a crooked smile that made his heart skip a beat.

--------

“Sorry I didn’t come visit you in the infirmary,” Nico said, wearing the hint of a smile.

“It’s alright, I forgive you,” Will Solace said, his mouth set tight but laughter in his eyes, like he was trying to stay mad at Nico and failing.

“You wanted me to stay there--”

“For at least three days. Doctor’s orders.” Will started to lead Nico back toward the infirmary.

“Really, I’m Fine,” Nico began, but then his knees buckled and Will hoisted him back up.

“Uh huh. Right. Let’s get you to a bed.”

--------

Even after Coach Hedge’s nature magic/sports drink concoction, which had sustained Nico for a while, the arduous task of shadow-travelling the Athena Parthenos across the world had caught up with him again.

When Nico opened his eyes again, he was in the infirmary half sitting, half lying on a piece of furniture that was somewhere between a bed and a stretcher. 

“Welcome back to the world of the living,” a familiar voice intoned, “have some ambrosia.”

Will sat on a chair beside the bed; the room of the infirmary he was in was long and lined with similar bed-stretchers, separated by white curtains that shimmered in different colors when they were moved.

Several other beds were occupied with demigods sporting now-relatively-minor injuries left over from the battle with Gaia and the monster army: a daughter of Hecate 2 beds over was glaring at her leg in a cast as if she was insulted by the inconvenience.

Nico turned back to Will, and noticed that beside the bed there was a small table with a baggie of ambrosia squares on it. Nico reached out to pick one up but encountered a familiar problem: his fingers passed right through the baggie and ambrosia, as if he was becoming one with the shadows permanently. His hand appeared fuzzy around the edges, as if he was dissolving.

“Uhh, maybe if I try again--”

Will frowned, then sighed. “This is what happens when you overextend yourself. Here, let me help you.” He picked up a square and held it out to feed Nico.

Nico leaned back. “What are you doing?”

“No arguing. Open up.” Solace said, his tone making it clear that he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Will took none of Nico’s shit. That was one of the things Nico found most endearing and annoying about him; no matter how hard the son of Hades tried to push him away, Will simply refused to let him.

Nico took the ambrosia, and after a few moments they looked back at his hand, which seemed to be coming back into sharper focus.

“You had me worried there, diAngelo,” Will said, smiling, and briefly gripped his hand to check if it was now solid. Day of the Dead skeletons tapped out a jig in Nico’s chest.

“You were worried...about me?” Nico said, still wrapping his mind around the fact that Will had wanted a death demigod to visit him in the infirmary.

“Get some sleep.” he said, closing the ziplock bag.

“I’m not tired.” 

“Well you will be in a second. CLOVIS,” he called out. The calf-like son of Morpheus appeared around the corner and Will told him “we’ve got another stubborn one,” throwing a teasing smile Nico’s way.

Clovis yawned. “I’m all over it,” he said, and--despite Nico’s protests--touched his forehead. The son of Hades drifted off into a deep sleep.

----------------------------------

Nico awoke feeling more rested than he had in weeks. 

He quickly sat up, suddenly worried, because the last time he’d felt this rested, he’d been asleep for three days.

Nico stopped a passing Apollo healer. 

“How long have I been out??”

The healer scratched his chin, trying to estimate. “About 6 hours?” He walked off.

Will walked into the infirmary, arguing with a Demeter camper; something about herbs and supplies? He turned and spotted Nico.

“Well, good evening, sleepyhead! How was your nap? Feeling better?”

“I think 6 hours is slightly more than a nap.” Nico retorted.

“Well, count yourself lucky that Clovis has learned to control his powers better. A while ago he put a camper out for a week by accident.” Will made his way toward him. “Can you stand?”

“Um, let’s find out.” Nico swung his legs over the bed and got up. Aside from stumbling a little, he was feeling much better. Nico marvelled at the healing powers of sleep.

As if he read his mind, Will said, “Oh yeah, sleep has endless benefits.”

Nico twisted his skull ring. “Hey, I came in here at about noon, which means--”

 The conch horn signalling the dinner feast echoed across the valley. Will grinned. “I think that’s our cue.”

--------

The Half Blood campfire that night still carried with it an aura of elation spurred from disbelief, that they had won the battle against Gaia and made allies with the Romans, and a sort of desperation to feel alive brought about by all of those who had died in the process. Nico felt a pang for Leo, though he had a strange feeling that his death wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed.

Will sat by him at the bonfire, the Apollo cabin on his left and Nico on his right, leaving Nico unsure as to whether Will had sat next to him or his cabin. He chastised himself for hoping that it was the former.

The enchanted flames in the brazier blazed brightly with the energy of the campers, and Nico felt the warmth flare in his heart as he cast a glance at the son of Apollo, the light from the fire reflecting off of his blonde hair. 

--------

Nico lay in his bunk that night after the campfire, staring up at the ceiling of the Hades cabin that was inset with precious stones. He quickly realized that there was no way he was falling asleep any time soon, and he climbed out of bed. The whole room was drenched in liquid shadows, and despite his exhaustion after the journey shadow travelling with the Athena Parthenos, Nico stepped forward and became one with the darkness with ease.

  He melted from the shadow of a tree, finding himself by the lakeside at the edge of Camp Half-Blood. A full moon cast a pale glow on the night. Nico walked down to the sand and sat down; the silence was intoxicating, and Nico closed his eyes and listened to the gentle lapping of small waves against the shore. Suddenly he felt something nearby, heard the brush rustle, and wondered whether the cleaning harpies had come to eat him for being out past curfew. Nico drew his Stygian sword, which seemed to pull at the darkness like a magnet, and got ready to defend himself. What actually emerged from the brush was Will, who abruptly spotted Nico’s sword and laughed quietly. 

“Expecting a fight?”

Nico quickly sheathed his sword. “What are you doing out here?” He noticed for the first time that Will had something in his hands.

He held up two goblets. “Mind if I join you?”

Will was the only one at camp who was not blatantly wary of him; after several years as an outcast, the effect felt foreign.

Will sat down next to the son of Hades and spoke to one of the goblets--“Pomegranate juice”--and handed it to Nico as the cup filled with garnet liquid. 

“Are these--” Nico began.

“Glasses from the dining pavilion? Yeah. I snuck a couple out before dinner ended.” He wore his trademark mischievous smile. “I noticed you asked for pomegranate juice at dinner.” Nico felt his face grow warm as Will turned to his own cup and requested ginger beer. Soon the glass was filled with amber.

“It...reminds me of my mom.” Nico said quietly. “Not Persephone, ironically. When Bianca, my mom, and I...” his voice caught on Bianca’s name “when we lived in New Orleans, I was little, but I remember her giving us pomegranate juice on special occasions. It was a tough thing to find where we lived, so she would only have it on celebrations or...when my dad came to visit. I was just a baby when she was murdered.”

He stared down in silence at his drink.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know. Bianca, your mom, none of it,” Will said gently.

“I know,” Nico muttered, his voice nonetheless doubtful.

Will placed his hand on Nico’s, and he tensed, ready to pull away, but then instead turned his palm up to hold Will’s. 

Nico turned his head to look up at Will, his pale blue eyes shining in the moonlight, almost periwinkle, an indiscernible expression on his face.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Will murmured, his gaze taking Nico in. Will looked into his dark eyes as if he could perceive all of him, good and bad, and was still enraptured by what he saw. 

Will reached out hesitantly, as if to touch Nico’s face, but stopped before, gaging his reaction, and when the son of Hades didn’t pull away, he brushed the ink-black hair out of his face.

Involuntarily, Nico’s eyes closed and his heart began to race. His life had, for years, been spent more with the dead than the living. No one had touched him tenderly for what felt like eons, not since Bianca, and only now did he realize how starved for physical affection he had been. Not just starved, he thought to himself, afraid of it… 

And in that moment he decided that he was not going to be afraid anymore.

  Will’s gaze moved from Nico’s eyes to his lips, and he leaned in carefully as if approaching a wild animal. Nico closed the distance, and as their lips met, his life bloomed before him like a chrysanthemum opening layer by layer. Suddenly Nico could see a future before him that wasn’t ruled by death and solitude. 

Unnoticed by either of them, a dead mouse at the edge of the forest was brought back to life and scampered off into the trees.

 - Alya

@satans-little-helper33

My writing blog: @from-story-to-screen

[ashis2gay4u]

A Different Kind of Magic For My Poor Heart

Prompt: Write about how magic is the norm. Some excel at it, some are only okay, and others are against it completely, despite being able to use it. Your main character is the latter.

A/N: I used SAGA instead of LGBTQ+ due to the fact that I once saw a post referring to how it should be the official name instead of LGBTQ+ due to the fact that it's all inclusive, and I personally loved the idea.

Nico di Angelo glared at his reflection, staring himself down. He noticed how his black eyes flitted across the mirror, taking in every little imperfection of his face.

He noticed the bags under his eyes, his extremely pale skin with majorly contrasting freckles, the way his chapped lips looked too feminine for his liking, how his eyes were such a dark brown they were almost black, and not to mention all the scars lining his bare chest and shoulders, the long-lasting bruise around his neck like a choker he can never seem to get rid of or cover up.

A hard knock at his door had him spinning around, quickly putting on his black Punisher t-shirt, pulling his black Joker themed beanie tighter over his long black hair before grabbing and  adjusting his leather jacket.

He opened the door, gripping the strap of his Three Days Grace satchel tightly in one hand as he beamed at his crush, Percy Jackson.

"Hey, dude! You ready for our magical adventure?" Percy asked, his sea green eyes brimming with excitement.

Nico inwardly cringed at the word "magical". He hated magic, especially his own. He felt uncomfortable whenever his friends used their powers, even when Percy did.

Magic was a common thing in this world, but at the time and age he came from, it was looked down upon to use it in public. He still wasn't used to this time and age, his mind was still stuck in that time when magic users, people of color, and people of the SAGA community were all shunned and abused and used.

Nico nodded, exiting his cabin into the cold fall air, pulling his fingerless gloves tighter, hoping to cover more of his slightly exposed wrists.

Camp Half-Blood was a summer and year round camp for "disturbed" children and teenagers, according to the flyers and advertisements. In reality, it was a camp built to help young children and teens learn to better control their powers.

When he was ten, Percy and his best friend Annabeth had found him and his older sister Bianca and brought them here. Bianca instantly jumped on the train, and ended up abandoning him to join an all girls camp. He hated her for it for a while, but then he learned to accept it all.

Except for the fact that he was forced to use his magic everyday in order to keep himself from becoming homeless. That was the only downside.

He shuddered when he remembered how hard it was to survive without using his magic when he had ran away from camp.

He followed Percy to the borders of camp, where Argus, a mute man who has the magical ability to see everything around him, was waiting for them by the camp van.

He nodded at them, and Percy nodded back. Nico felt like a hundred eyes were staring down at him in disapproval, and due to Argus' nickname being the "Hundred Eyed Man" among campers, he wouldn't be surprised if it was the man himself.

He climbed into the back of the van next to Percy, only to have a pair of thin yet strong arms wrap around his neck.

"BABY BAT WINGS!" an excited voice shouted in his ear.

Nico rolled his eyes, "Shut it, Repair Boy," he said, turning to glare at one of his best friends, Leo Valdez.

He noticed that the others were already there, and Nico glared at Jason Grace, who was wiggling his eyebrows at him.

"Awee, but Neeeeeekssss~!" Leo whined, earning a light slap from Jason's girlfriend, Piper McLean.

"Leo, leave the poor boy alone. Look at him, he has depression!"

Okay, low-blow, McLean.

He groaned and sunk further into his seat, clutching his satchel to his chest.

Finally, the door to the front opened, and in a second, one Annabeth Chase became visible.

Nico hated her power most of all. Invisibility, one of the most hated magical abilities from his time period. It was most common among thieves and murderers back then. Worst part is, it's all of both Athena cabin and Hermes cabin that have the ability, and they're both filled with people most likely capable of committing these crimes.

He doesn't like Jason's or Piper's either. He doesn't mind Leo's and Percy's. It still bothers him, but as he knew Leo before camp- he met him when they had both ran away from their respective homes at the same time-, and he has a crush on Percy, it doesn't bother him as much.

But Annabeth... He didn't like her much. She was always nice to him, but he could tell she liked Percy too, and he disliked her for it, because although Percy may be bi, he tended to lean more towards girls than guys.

Not to mention, he knew she could murder him in seconds if she wanted to, so there was also that.

Nico huffed as Annabeth signed to Argus effortlessly, and he responded just as easily.

Miss Perfect, Percy's little Wise Girl.

He put his bag down at his feet and managed to pull his knees up to his chest, earning a strange look from Percy.

He smiled at him, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless, and Percy smiled back so warmly and brightly Nico swore he was from the Apollo cabin, with magical abilities as bright and pure yet dangerous as the sun.

Nico flinched and blushed a deep red when Percy swung his arm over his shoulders. Whether the older boy noticed or not, he didn't say. Nico had to fight the urge to snuggle up against him.

Lo and behold, he didn't have to hold back for long, because Leo- who knew about his crush on the water-bender- decided to be a very unwanted wing-man and climbed to the middle seats where he and Percy sat and sat down next to Nico, pushing him against Percy's side regardless of what his pride and dignity demanded of him.

He could feel Annabeth's grey eyes watching him from the rear-view mirror, and instantly cursed every single god he could think of for this cursed fate.

This... Was going to be one long-ass field trip.

~

Nico huffed as he face planted onto the bed of the hotel room in New Rome, the camp on the opposite side of the US.

He still didn't know who he was bunking with, because as soon as he saw the key-cards he grabbed one and ran, dragging his bag behind him.

He sat up and turned to face the opening door, only for his face to drain of color.

"No, you can not be my bed-mate!" Nico cried, glaring Percy down.

Percy looked taken aback, "But... Leo is staying with Frank and Hazel, Annabeth is staying with Reyna, and Jason is bunking with Piper. I've got nobody else to bunk with, and we only booked four rooms..."

"Who the fuck authorized that?" he demanded.

"Jason did?" Percy said, although it sounded more like a question.

"DAMMIT! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE!"

"...Am I that horrible?"

Nico's head shot up at the cold, angry voice Percy was using. He's never used it on Nico or Grover, but he's directed it at everybody else, including Annabeth, at least once.

"What?" he asked, confused.

Percy's hands shook slightly, and Nico knew if he got anymore angry than he was, toilets and sinks and tubs would start exploding and flooding the place.

"Am I that horrible that the mere idea of me sharing a bed with you makes you wish you never came along? Do you actually hate me that bad? Do I make your skin crawl because I'm not afraid to use my magic? Is that it?"

"N-no-"

"Then what the fuck is it, Nico?!"

There went the sink, two more to go before instant flooding of the hotel room.

"I-I-"

"You, you? You what, Nico?"

The toilet exploded then. One more before doomsday.

So, naturally, Nico lost his shit, and went crazy-mad first.

"I DON'T WANT TO SHARE A ROOM WITH YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, YOU STUPID MERMAID!" Nico finally snapped, wanting to get away. He could feel his own magic run rampant, the room temperature dropping to below freezing, shadows clawing at his clothes and the walls. He could feel the skeletons trying to break free from the ground, trying to come to him.

Percy froze, before making his way over to the bed.

Nico cowered, and put a hand out. Shadows shot from his palms, wrapping themselves around Percy's legs and knocking him down, "S-stay away. I-I know I-I'm disgusting. You like Annabeth, obviously, you always tended to favor her over me before. Sure, you've been really nice lately, but... You always fall back to her and Grover, a-and-"

He let out a hiccup, wiping at the tears he didn't even realize until now he had been shedding, and retracted his hands, the shadows retreating back into his body like clockwork.

The sink and toilet stopped flowing as Percy just sat there, sprawled on the ground still, staring up at Nico, who was now full-on sobbing.

"A-an' I know you don't want a... A pathetic k-kid like me... Somebody w-ho d-doesn't even like magic... And... I just wish you'd l-leave me alone because all I w-want is you but I can't have you and..."

Nico let out a light gasp as he was pulled against a warm, well-built chest.

Percy's chest.

'He smells like the ocean...' Nico thought, feeling all the strength he had leave his body.

He broke down, majorly. Wailing and all.

"Hey, hey... It's okay, Neeks... Come on, look at me..." Percy mumbled softly, rubbing soothing circles into Nico's back.

Nico let out a small sob, and managed to force himself to look up at Percy, who was looking at him with concern.

Great, now you're a charity case.

"W...Why are you still here...?" he asked in a small voice, trying to keep himself from falling victim to a panic attack.

"Because, Ghost King, I like you too," Percy replied, smiling softly.

Nico stared at him in utter shock, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure you liked me back, not to mention I'm older than you by three years, and..."

"You... No... I... What...?"

"Awe, I broke your poor little brain," Percy teased, and Nico let out a small laugh.

"In your dreams, Seaweed Brain."

"Hey, only Annabeth can call me that."

Nico instantly soured. "Sorry," he spat, "Mermaid-Man."

Percy's face instantly turned into one of apology, "I'm sorry, I-"

Nico laughed, "Now look who got fucked over! HA!"

"You little fuckin'-" He was suddenly cut off by Nico, who had pressed his lips against Percy's in a short, gentle kiss.

He was satisfied by the fact that when he pulled away, Percy was blushing madly.

"So ah... What now?" he asked sheepishly, and Nico grinned.

"One, be my boyfriend. Two... Go on a date with me?"

Percy nodded, "YES!" he shouted, only to seemingly mentally reel himself back in and say, "I-I mean, ah, yes, that sounds lovely."

Nico laughed again, smiling brightly as he wiped away the rest of his tears, "Great, let's go."

"Now?"

"Right now, yes. There's still daylight."

Percy smiled back, nodding as he stood up, helping the other boy to his feet as well.

He didn't let go of Nico's hand afterwards.

They went off, laughing and smiling and exchanging sweet kisses.

Nico may not like magic, but he enjoys how magical the trip turned out to be, he enjoyed how magical the sparks of each kiss he shared with Percy felt, and how magical the tingling of his fingers entwined with the older boy's felt.

He may not like the magic he's accustomed to, but the magic of Percy's hand in his, of knowing Percy is his, makes him hate magic a little less.

Just a little.

{La Fin}

~Ashton Bende

[theartificialdane]

Galactica, part 253

Vows has been exchanged, but what happens next? Follow along as we have dinner, drinks, speeches and everyone is invited to ring in the new years with our favorite couples.

Thank you @veronicasanders for working on this with me, and thank you to everyone else for your patience <3

[Oh look at you my little girl! You were so beautiful up there.] Raja smiled, bending down so her mother could hug her, the two embracing each other tight, Mani barely making it to her daughters chest. Everyone else was leaving the room, getting carefully rushed out for cocktails by Raven’s bridesmaids, the entire thing running smoothly.

[I’m 43 mom.] Raja laughed, only her tiny mom still insisting on calling her and her brother small.

[Oh hush you, you will always be my little princess.]

[Of course.]

Raja didn’t know she could feel such happiness, the fact that Raven had said yes, the fact that they were now legally married still feeling like a dream. Raja touched her wedding ring, twisting it slightly, the metal a comfort, a physical sign of Raven’s love for her, and the promise they made each other.

Mani took a step back, dapping her eyes. [Dad would have been proud.]

Raja froze, looking down at her mother. [I-] They never really talked about their dad, Raja’s heart breaking every time she thought of him, the fact that he had been dead for 11 years not making it any easier, most of all because Raja wasn’t sure that her mother was right, wasn’t sure he would have been proud of her. Her and Sutan had spent so much time hiding so much of what they were from him, Raja never even getting the chance to introduce him to Raven, her dad never getting to walk her down the aisle, Raja never getting the chance to know if he would have accepted her love of girls.

Her train of thought was broken by her mother's gentle touch, Mani taking her hand.

[He would.]

[If you say so.]

***

“Everyone please move closer together.”

Fame rolled her eyes. “How many pictures do we need?”

“Let her have her fun, Famie Dear.”

Detox smiled, hosting Grace higher up on his hip, the little girl’s fingers in her mouth, her mom quickly tugging on her elbow so Grace could look good for the almost endless photoshoot. The photographer was catching the wedding party, making everyone get together for several combinations of group photos.

“I’m just saying. We didn’t have anywhere near this many pictures at my wedding.”

Detox snorted, almost dropping Grace, while Patrick rolled his eyes. They both knew Fame was lying through her teeth, Patrick and Fame’s wedding almost as grand as the one they were at now.

“Okay, maybe we did.”

“And you better own it, blondie.”

Fame smiled, running a hand down Grace’s back, the little girl as bright as sunlight, and Fame knew she would have every single photo from the day framed and put up at the farm. Of course she would. These people were her family after all, and the ones she loved most in the world.

***

“Does my makeup look okay?”

“Let me check.”

Raja leaned in for a kiss, and Raven pushed her away, a shriek leaving her, followed by a happy laugh. “Raja!”

“You told me to check!”

Raven shook her head, the two of them standing together for the several photographers they had hired, Sutan and Violet on each side of them, Raven insisting on the pictures. Violet laughed slightly, quickly stepping in front and opening her bag, pulling out a small mirror so Raven could see herself. Raven checked her reflection, happy with what she saw, but she was still slightly annoyed with Raja.

“Everything has to be perfect you bitch.”

“Excuse me, that’s Mrs. Bitch. I’m a married woman now.” Raja put her arm around Raven.

Raven rolled her eyes, but leaned into Raja. “Alright Mrs. Bitch.” Raven smiled, Mrs and Mrs Bitch. That would make great throw pillows the next time she redid their living room.

***

Bianca walked into the ridiculously over the top (true to form) cocktail hour, scanning the room for Courtney. She spotted her with Adore by a tower of sushi and strode quickly over. As she approached, she gave Adore a warning look and a “get lost” gesture. Adore kissed Courtney on the cheek and scurried away.

“Adore! Where are you-“ Courtney stopped talking as arms slid around her waist.

“I’m sorry,” Bianca whispered, lips against her ear.

After a beat, Courtney replied, “I know.”

“Baby…” Bianca fingered one of the delicate silver straps of Courtney’s dress, hot breath on her neck. “Please…”

Courtney turned around to face her.

“Let’s not worry about it right now, okay? It’s a party. Let’s just have a good time.”

Bianca searched Courtney’s green eyes. She seemed far away, defeated. Bianca tilted her chin up.

“Baby, I really am sorry. Truly.”

Courtney sighed, leaning her head against Bianca’s, wanting nothing more than to melt into her arms until all of her doubts faded away.

“Yeah, me too,” Courtney replied, giving Bianca a soft kiss on the cheek. “Let’s...can we talk more tomorrow, when we get home?”

“Alright,” Bianca agreed, relieved just to be holding her again.

Across the room, a young woman watched them, running her hands through her glossy cascade of blonde hair.

***

“Ladies and gentlemen, please give a huge welcome to our beautiful brides...Raja and Raven!”

A thunderous cheer echoed through the hall as Raja and Raven sailed into the room, giddy and laughing, arms around each other. As glowing and beautiful as ever, Raja pushed Raven out in front of her, directing the crowd to continue cheering for her as she basked in the applause.

Adore turned to Jinkx and giggled, commenting on how of course they’d had a wardrobe change for the party.

“Alright folks,” the DJ continued. “Let’s keep the love going while these stunning ladies share their first dance as married women…” He began to play Jessie Ware’s Desire, turning up the music while the brides took to the dance floor.

You're my desire And this, I always know You've been admired And do you see me glow?

Raven laughed, so happy they had found the time to go to the dance classes together. She allowed Raja to pull her closer, the other woman leading, in total control of everything that happened, and Raven couldn’t wait to follow Raja’s lead for the rest of her life.

***

Raven’s head was swimming, the night going so well, everyone pulling at her all the time, congratulating her, telling her how beautiful she was (which she already knew thank you very much), and how happy her and Raja would be (which she also knew). She was drunk on champagne, her dinner dress looked fucking amazing, her boobs had healed perfectly and Raven felt like a goddess. They were finishing up the meal, the speeches even making her cry a time or two, and Raven had started to look for Raja, so they could go change their clothes a third time. Raja had laughed the first time Raven suggested it, but she had been shopping for it for over a year, and there was no way she wasn’t going to wear each and every dress she had brought for the party. This was /her/ night, and she was going to look like perfection from every angle the entire time.

Raven was just about to signal Juju that they’d like to start getting ready to change again, when Raven noticed that Violet was only picking at her food, Sutan’s arm around her shoulder, but he was clearly caught up in conversation to his right, happily chatting away. Had Violet looked sad all evening? Why was she sad? Didn’t she realise this was Raven’s wedding?

Raven was just about to be mad, when she remembered what had happened the day before, Violet trying so hard to do the speech Raven had asked of her, and then suddenly disappearing, after Courtney pulled her from the podium. Had Raven even said anything? She tried to think back, but all she could think of was how mad she had been at her mom, yelling at Bianca over her girlfriend going rogue, and then, she remembered. Raja coming to her and telling her that Violet wouldn’t do the speech at the reception. Raven felt a slight twist in her stomach. Who had even told Violet that she didn’t need to do it, anyway? Raven knew she had most likely forced Violet to do it in a fit of inspiration. She had those, and sometimes she could be quite aggressive in getting her way. Had they asked Sutan to do the speech instead?

“Hey Vivi?”

Violet looked up, surprise clear on her face at being spoken to. “Yes?”

“Thank you for being here.”

Raven watched the total confusion, Violet clearly not understanding what she was saying, but then, she smiled.

“Thank you for having me.”

***

“Oh god this is so good!” Pearl laughed as she cleaned her plate for the third time, and Laila was in utter awe. She had never seen Pearl eat that much before, a warmth tight in her chest as she watched her girlfriend actually not only enjoy, but also finish the food in front of her. “Why did we ever leave yesterday?”

“You insisted on it.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Pearl smirked, and Laila gulped as Pearl caught her eyes, the other woman looking at Laila as if she was a prey animal. “I did.”

***

“Hello everyone.” Sutan stood up, Raja groaning, but her smile absolutely betrayed her. “I’m Sutan Amrull, and as Raja’s brother, and her best friend, I figured I had to say a few words today. I’ll try to keep it brief.” Sutan reached into his suit, pulling out a few cards. “But I promise nothing.”

The entire hall laughed, a few of them even booing, but it was all in good nature.

“Raja, Raven, I have had the privilege of seeing two people, as perfect as you, not only meet in this crazy world, but also meet at the exact right time. It’s no secret that neither of you have ever been low maintenance. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that you’re both the bossiest bitches around, but somehow, that doesn’t matter when you’re with each other.” Sutan smiled. “Life is short, and today you promised to stay together through sickness and health, and after almost a decade together already, I can’t think of anyone else for either of you.” Sutan lifted his glass. “To the brides. May they live forever!”

***

“Raja, today you married your- wait, wait, I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.” Fame took a deep breath. “Raja, today you married your best friend-” Fame began crying for real.

Everyone chuckled as she tearily finished her toast, allowing Patrick to take her hand and hand her a tissue.

“Thank you so much, Fame, that was beautiful,” Adore said from the stage, where her band was just finished setting up. “You mushy bitch.”

Fame laughed, wiping her eyes.

“Hey also, who’s ready to fucking party?” Adore asked sweetly, as the band began to play. “Dance, motherfuckers!”

***

“Dance motherfuckers” was the most aggressive way Trixie had ever been told to have a good time, but he didn’t mind it at all. He had a baby free night, and an excuse to rock out with the people he loved, even dancing a few dances with Fame. He was sweaty and giggly from the alcohol he had drowned during dinner and cocktails, and he would most likely regret it all tomorrow, Ivan in a new phase of his life, were annoying dad was the funnest thing he could think of, but as Trixie pulled Katya closer, he didn’t care at all.

***

Courtney danced with Alaska and Tati, twirling and laughing, finally letting go of some of the tension she’d been feeling all day. Once Adore had taken the stage, the real party had begun. They were mostly singing covers, with a few of Adore’s original songs tossed in, and Courtney was filled with relief for the opportunity to really move.

She noticed Violet over by one of the bars with Sutan and Karl, taking a prim sip of her champagne and appearing slightly bored. Catching her eyes, she shimmied over and grabbed her by the hand.

“Come dance with us!”

“Oh, I don’t know if I- You’ve already done so much for me-”

“Pleeeeease?” Tati added, batting her lashes and taking Violet’s other hand, Violet’s face instantly going bright red.

“O-okay.”

Giggling self-consciously, Violet allowed herself to be dragged onto the dance floor, following Tatianna like a little lost puppy.

“I figured you could use a break from the grown-ups for awhile,” Courtney whisper-yelled over the music.

Violet laughed, slightly giddy as Tati began to twirl her around, the other girl’s perfume pleasantly invading her senses.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime!” Courtney gave Violet a quick kiss on the cheek and continued to grind against Alaska happily.

Courtney watched Bianca out of the corner of her eye. She’d seen Celia gliding over, a little tipsy, and then the gorgeous blonde was sliding an arm around Bianca’s neck. She bristled slightly, letting out a relieved sigh as Bianca carefully detangled herself and sent Celia on her way, rolling her eyes at Jinkx and continuing their conversation.

Maybe she’d been too harsh with Bianca last night, Courtney thought guiltily. Maybe she’d imagined her girlfriend’s flirting as overblown, because of how annoyed she was to begin with.

Courtney looked back over to Tati and Violet, thrilled that her friend seemed to be helping the brunette loosen up. She flashed Violet a wicked smile, as she bumped hips with Alaska. Thank god for the dance floor.

“Oh look, our stunning brides are back!” Adore called into the microphone. “Please let’s give a huge cheer for Raja and Raven, who have changed for the third time tonight. Raven, your ass looks perfect.”

Raven giggled, waving and blowing kisses, as she and Raja sailed onto the dance floor to join their guests.

***

Patrick slid into his seat beside Fame, handing her a glass of champagne.

“Remember our wedding?” Fame asked, smiling.

“Of course.” Patrick smiled back and puts his hand on the table, letting Fame take it, their rings clinking together. Patrick was so happy to be there with her. He could tell that Fame’s sentimental side had been triggered by the surroundings. All tension from their Christmas vacation seemed to evaporate. “It was one of the best days of my life, and way better than this whole extravaganza, just a humble wedding of us, your dad’s mansion, close friends and family and around 6000 chickens.”

Fame laughed. She scanned the crowd, hoping to see her best friends looking as happy and content as she felt. There was a beautiful, dark-eyed woman by the bar who averted her eyes when Fame looked her way.

Fame leaned over to Patrick, whispering in his ear. “What do you think of the woman over there in the blue dress?”

Patrick swallowed, unsure if this was a test. “She looks...uh, very…”

“Let’s seduce her,” Fame continues, now smirking wickedly.

Patrick clears his throat, one eyebrow lifting.

“I’ll follow your lead…”

***

Juju re-entered the ballroom; she’d just spent nearly an hour putting her three youngest kids to bed, with no help from her husband, and she needed a drink in the worst way.

As if reading her mind, Detox sidled up to her with a martini, looking tipsy and very pleased with himself.

“So, where do you wanna go on vacation?”

“What do you mean?” Juju laughed, taking the drink and kissing his cheek, letting him guide her to the dance floor. Detox pointed to the side of the room and Juju noticed a few iPhones out, despite the security guards who had confiscated their own phones earlier.

“Matthew Sanderson, are those reporters?!”

“No, they’re freelance writers who happened to also have enough waiter experience to be hired as catering.”

Juju hit him and Detox laughed again.

“Come on little bee, don’t be mad! Better we get the scoop than those pretentious assholes from Vanity Faire.”

Juju huffed but lets him pull her in.

“You better take us somewhere real nice.”

“You, me, our demon kids and two nannies. Believe me, this night is going to cover your wildest dreams baby.”

***

“Who knew you’re more than just a good designer!”

“What do you mean?”

Violet yelled over the music, her and Tatianna still dancing together.

“You’re a really good dancer!”

Violet blushed as Tatianna complimented her, then said, “And you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!”

Violet wanted to slap her hands over her mouth, her eyes going wide. What the fuck? Had she really just said that out loud? But Tatianna just laughed, still dancing.

“Thank you! I understand why Sutan loves you!”

Sutan. Her Sutan. Her Sutan who didn’t know that she was angry with him.

“I have to go!”

***

“Max!!” Raven squealed as she spotted the tall britt, his almost white hair making him stand out like a lighthouse. “Max!” Raven threw herself at the photographer, happily wrapping her arms around him. “You have to take our picture! Please please please please.”

“Isn’t that why you invited me?” Max laughed, clearly enjoying Raven’s excitement, the two of them knowing each other extremely well from all the hours they had spent in Max’s studio, shooting Galactica collections. He was also one of a very select few of trusted people allowed to have a camera inside the ballroom.

“That, and the fact that you’re the most beautiful Brit in all of Manhattan, now take some pictures of me and my wife!”

“Tonight is your night, Mrs. Amrull.”

***

“I love this party!” Pearl laughed, her body swaying back and forth. The dinner had been dreadfully boring, her boss crying and Laila not budging on her ‘no sex at an actual reception’ police, but this party was the best ones Pearl had attended in years. She had even cheered from the first row for Adore’s band, the woman smiling at her when she danced to the music. “Laila! We have to watch the ball drop!”

“That happens on Times Square, you idiot.”

“Raven had a perfect replica made for the ball room so that no one had to look away from her and Raja’s New Year’s kiss. Now come on!”

***

“Can I have this dance?”

“You better.”

Raja smiled as she took Raven’s hand, the two of them walking into the dance floor, Raja gently grabbing Raven’s hip as they started to sway together to the tones of the song Raven had picked for their first dance. Raja was beautiful, and Raven couldn’t stop looking at her, her wife, her legally wedded, amazing, beautiful fantastic wife. Raven knew they were being filmed, her years as a model giving her an almost sixth sense for finding any and all cameras, but it didn’t matter, not when she had Raja with her, the other leading her like she always did, and like she always would. The guested started counting down, midnight and the near year coming closer and closer, the seconds ticking past.

“I love you..”

“I love you too.”

Raja smiled and leaned forward, the glitterball exploding as their lips met and the clock struck 12.

“Happy New Year.”

[artificialqueens]

Older (Biadore) 6/? - nellie

A/N: We’re finally at the point where everything starts going to hell (and the moment I’ve been looking forward to since I started writing this). Again, thank you so much for the lovely feedback. I was struggling with motivation to write this next part, but knowing people wanted to read this spurred me on and I think this is actually my favorite chapter so far. I also wrote this in a different program, so I’m hoping the formatting is okay. It looks fine right now, but who knows what will happen when  I press submit - apologies if not!

Meditation is hard.

Adore tries to focus on breathing in and out, but her mind keeps wandering - mostly to Bianca. She opens her eyes for a moment and her breath catches in her throat. Bianca is the very picture of calm and serene, and Adore is pretty sure she’s never looked hotter. But it’s rude to jump someone when they’ve offered to help make sure you don’t get so mad you kill a stranger, so she sighs and closes her eyes again instead of crawling over and burying her head between Bianca’s thighs.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Adore has to admit it’s sort of relaxing, even if she can only manage it for a couple of seconds at a time. It’s like the rest of the world doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t have to worry about anything except being in the moment. Adore always thought she was great at living in the moment, but now she’s not so sure.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.

She doesn’t know why she gets so angry, but she’s tired of losing control all the time. Adore is surrounded by people who have a problem with her behavior, but Bianca is the first person who’s actually bothered to help her. Instead of lecturing Adore about the need to control herself she was here, teaching her meditation. Of course, if anyone else had offered to teach her to meditate Adore would have laughed in their face, so maybe the fact that it’s Bianca hasn’t hurt. But still. Bianca had told her they’d figure out a solution and Adore believes her. Adore doesn’t really trust anyone completely, but she trusts Bianca.

The alarm on Bianca’s phone sounds and Adore opens her eyes to see Bianca smiling back at her.

“How was it? Longest fifteen minutes of your life, right? It gets easier the more you practice.”

Adore chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully before answering. “It was… I don’t know. I do feel kind of relaxed now?”

Bianca gets to her feet in one fluid movement, like she’s a cat or a tiger or some other animal known for its strength and grace. She settles herself on the couch and holds her hand out to Adore, who goes willingly. It’s a familiar routine by now, Adore tucking her feet up and curling into Bianca. Bianca’s arm is wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close. It’s almost embarrassingly domestic but she secretly loves it. They fit together perfectly. Being with Bianca feels like being home.

“You have to stop getting so angry.”

It’s nothing Adore hasn’t heard a thousand times before, but coming from Bianca it feels like concern instead of judgement. She can’t exactly argue. She still remembers how it felt to punch that guy, her entire body tingling with adrenaline and flooded with rage. Adore likes to think she does a pretty good job of ignoring how shitty her life has been, but obviously she’s still mad at the world. She always feels like she’s seconds away from exploding and the worst part is how good it feels to really let go like that. Later, there are always consequences and complications, but in the moment she’s flying. She’s free.

But she doesn’t know how to put that into words. “I’m always angry.” It’s not what she means to say, but it’s honest.

“You’re letting them win, baby.” Bianca’s voice is quiet and she shifts their position so she can start to play with Adore’s hair. “Don’t let everyone else win.”

Adore smiles at the term of endearment even if she doesn’t really understand what Bianca is saying. Isn’t the whole point of fighting that she wins? She’s pretty sure the asshole from last night is going to think twice before he tries to coerce a girl into sex again so doesn’t that mean Adore has won? She lets her eyes drift closed as Bianca keeps playing with her hair. Bianca’s fingers catch in a knot and Adore bites back a gasp. Suddenly, it’s a little hard to focus on the conversation.

“I never let them win.”

Bianca laughs and it should be patronising, but it feels more like she’s letting Adore in on the joke. “I guess you don’t.” She tugs on Adore’s hair in a way that has to be deliberate and Adore holds her breath, waiting to see which way things will go.

She’s a little disappointed when said things don’t lead to sex.

“Every time you lose it, you’re giving away your power. You’re basically handing it to the other person and letting them know they can control you. You’re better than that. There’s more strength in keeping your power than there is in beating the shit out of someone.”

It seems so obvious the way Bianca phrases it, but Adore has never considered it before. She frowns, mulling over Bianca’s words in her head. Of course she’s heard people say that just walking away is a sign of strength, but she’s never really believed it. At least, not until now.

Her phone, which is lying on the ground where she left it, lights up with a notification. Adore considers ignoring it, but she’s a millennial at heart and she reluctantly drags herself from Bianca’s warmth to pick it up. There are three missed texts from Violet, each getting increasingly more worried and abusive, and Adore winces as she reads them.

“Something wrong?” Bianca has stretched herself out along the length of the couch and she’s watching Adore with an amused grin.

Adore shakes her head. “I ditched Violet last night when I called you. She’s just worried I’m dead.” She fires back a quick text to Violet, reassuring her that she’s still alive and breathing and then catches sight of the time. “Fuck. I’m so late for class. Can I shower here?”

“Of course.” Bianca gets to her feet and stretches her arms over her head. “I’ll find you some clothes, too. You’ll need to change.”

Adore glances down at the oversized t-shirt she slept in, not understanding what Bianca means. Of course she’ll need to change, she can’t wear… oh. She thinks back to the previous night’s outfit; a short leather skirt that barely covers her ass, a black crop top and an oversized flannel shirt. She’s very familiar with her school’s dress code and none of those things are on it. Bianca has a point. She follows Bianca into the bedroom, obediently taking the clothes that are handed to her before heading to the bathroom.

She’s briefly tempted to ask Bianca to join her, but she’s already so late and shower sex, while amazing, won’t help the situation. So she showers quickly, washing away all physical evidence of the night before. The emotional might take a little longer to move past, she thinks.

The clothes Bianca’s given her turn out to be basic - a pair of jeans which surprisingly fit her almost perfectly, and a black t-shirt which Adore immediately knots at her midriff. She looks critically at her reflection, wishing she had even a little makeup with her. She hates how young she looks without her usual dark eyeliner. But at least she won’t get sent home for being inappropriately dressed, and she can probably deal with looking like a kid for a day. She twists her hair up into a messy bun, strands immediately falling down and framing her face. It’s acceptable. Not great, but acceptable..

She’s standing in the doorway between the bedroom and living area when her phone lights up with another notification. Bianca’s sitting back on the couch and Adore shoots her a grin as she strikes a pose against the door frame, one leg lifting in the air in a deranged kind of arabesque. “Hey, pass me my phone? That’ll be Vi telling me she hates me.”

Bianca laughs and grabs Adore’s phone, glancing at the screen as she does. Her face changes to something Adore can’t read and she doesn’t make any move to get up or even throw the phone in Adore’s direction. “It’s your mom. She wants to remind you to leave a note if you’ll be out all night.”

Adore feels the pit of her stomach drop and time freezes for a second. Think, Adore. Think. “Oh. Yeah. I kind of lied about the roommate thing. It’s embarrassing, you know? Living with your mom at my age.” She tries to keep her voice light, but she has the sinking feeling that Bianca isn’t buying it.

“Tell me again where you go to college.” There’s a coldness in Bianca’s voice that Adore has never heard before and it makes her shiver. Bianca isn’t stupid and it’s obvious that she’s piecing everything together - all the half-truths and outright lies Adore has told her since they met.

“It’s just community college Bea, you know this.” Adore can hear how desperate she sounds, but Bianca’s still not looking at her and she can feel everything in her life beginning to unravel. She just needs to keep it together. Bianca doesn’t actually know anything yet and plenty of 22 year olds still live with their parents. She can bluff her way through this, can’t she?

When Bianca turns to face her, Adore can’t help but gasp. Her gaze is like ice and Adore has never been so intimidated and terrified of someone in her life. She knows Bianca isn’t going to hurt her - not physically, anyway - but she still feels her heart literally stop in her chest for a moment. Her hands are numb and sweaty at the same time and there’s a lump in her throat that makes swallowing difficult.

And then Bianca delivers the final blow. “How old are you, Adore? And don’t fucking lie to me.”

Adore winces. “Seventeen.”

There’s silence. It stretches out for what feels like several lifetimes. Bianca is still staring at her with that same cold expression and Adore wishes she’d say something, anything. She wants to explain, but the words catch in her throat - and anyway, it’s not like Bianca would want to hear them. What kind of explanation can there be? I’m sorry I deliberately lied to you for weeks and weeks about the fact that I’m 14 years younger than you, but it’s okay, I only did it because I really really like you? No.

“Get. The fuck. Out. Of. My. Apartment.” Bianca enunciates each word carefully, her voice low and a little threatening. She throws Adore’s phone in her direction before getting to her feet and walking to the window, ignoring Adore entirely.

Adore swallows hard. Her mind is racing and blank at the same time and she can’t do anything but react, quickly gathering her things together. She pauses when she gets to Bianca’s door, wondering if she should say something. Sorry? But Bianca doesn’t acknowledge her and Adore shakes her head, slipping out quietly still dressed in her borrowed outfit.

There’s no way she’s making it to school today.

***

She doesn’t leave her bed for the next three days. She gives her mom some bullshit excuse about being sick and locks herself in her room. She’s too numb to even cry and she thinks there’s probably some kind of irony in the fact that she’s finally managed to keep control of her emotions. But the reality is that it’s just too much. She’s dealing with the heartbreak of losing Bianca, coupled with the extreme self loathing she feels for getting herself caught in this situation in the first place and her brain can’t process any of it. Her life has fallen apart and she only has herself to blame. Adore always knew she was a colossal fuck up after all. It was about time she proved herself. Why had she ever thought she could possibly be good enough for Bianca? She’s a kid, a fucking little girl trying to pretend she’s oh so grown up. And now her games haven’t just hurt her, they’ve hurt Bianca as well. Why the fuck hadn’t she come clean that first night? How else had she expected this whole thing to go?

Eventually, of course, she has to go back to school. She wears the outfit Bianca gave her (gave, she thinks, because it’s not like she can return it now) in a display of masochism that surprises even her. She sits in class and stares at the board and doesn’t write anything down. Her body is at school but her mind had checked out and she doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

By the time she reaches lunch period she hasn’t spoken a word all day and it feels almost comforting in a way.

Violet’s waiting for her in their usual spot. She looks annoyed, but Adore doesn’t immediately take that personally. Violet often looks annoyed about something.

“Bitch, what the fuck? I haven’t heard from you in days.”

Oh. So she is annoyed at Adore.

“Sorry.” It’s the first word Adore’s said in over 24 hours and the word feels foreign in her mouth. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, well, you look like shit.” Never one to beat around the bush, Violet is someone who believes tact is for other people. Adore usually likes it, but then she also usually doesn’t feel like her heart has been cut up into tiny pieces and run through a blender.

“Bianca found out how old I am. It, um…” Adore trails off, biting her lip hard to stave off the tears she can feel forming in the corner of her eyes. “Didn’t go well.” She releases a shaky breath, counting backwards from ten in her head. Back to numb. Back to avoiding all the emotions she’s not ready to confront yet.

Violet’s eyes soften in a way that could almost be mistaken for sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” Adore waits for the inevitable ‘I told you so’ but it doesn’t come. Instead, Violet reaches out to squeeze Adore’s hand briefly, bringing Adore one step closer to tears yet again. “Look, can we just… never talk about Bianca again? Please?”

“Of course.” Violet gives Adore a too-bright smile. “You’ll never guess what Pearl was wearing today. I almost fucking died.”

Adore’s never been much of an actress, but she’s grateful for the moment of forced normality that Violet’s offering her. They’re both ignoring how not-okay she is and pretending everything is fine. She feels a sudden rush of affection for Violet, who’s always been a much better friend than Adore deserves.

“Be honest, that’s what you say about everything I wear, isn’t it?”

Violet laughs in a way that almost sounds natural. “You have your own sense of style. This, though, this is a choice.” She gestures at Adore’s outfit with a raised eyebrow.

Adore feels herself flush. She knows it’s not exactly her usual style, but she really wishes Violet hadn’t pointed that out. “Bianca lent it to me,” she says softly, feeling another solid punch of guilt in her stomach at the thought. She shouldn’t be wearing it.

Violet sighs. “Adore, don’t take this the wrong way, but you have to grow the fuck up.”

Adore wants to argue. She’s only seventeen, she’s meant to be making dumb mistakes. It’s normal to run around breaking hearts and fucking up. But she suddenly feels far, far older than her age and she knows Violet’s right. She doesn’t want to be an immature fuckup anymore. She can be more than that. Bianca thought she was more than that, and maybe she won’t always get it right but isn’t it time she at least tried?

“Yeah,” is all she says though, plucking a blade of grass from the ground and twisting it between her fingers. “Yeah.”

[thegoldenyears-memories]

            ♡ SHE'S SO LOVELY ♡ // an alice watson mix

                                                                  { listen / download }

01. A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES de LILY JAMES { a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. in dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep. have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbows will come smiling through. no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true. }

02. PARADISE de COLDPLAY { when she was just a girl she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep. and dreamed of para-para-paradise every time she closed her eyes. when she was just a girl she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth. life goes on, it gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly. every tear a waterfall, in the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes, in the night the stormy night away she'd fly. and so lying underneath those stormy skies she'd say, "oh, i know the sun must set to rise". }

03. EVERYBODY de INGRID MICHAELSON { we have fallen down again tonight, in this world it's hard to get it right. trying to make your heart fit like a glove, what it needs is love, love, love. everybody, everybody wants to love, everybody, everybody wants to be loved. happy is the heart that still feels pain, darkness drains and light will come again. swing open up your chest and let it in, just let the love, love, love begin. }

04. WE ALL FALL DOWN de MEIKO { i know that you need me , i'll be there this evening. i will being you flowers, we can talk for hours . anything to make your mind take a breather, i would never leave here knowing that you need a friend. hey, hey, hey we all fall down sometimes. life has a way of throwing us a challenge. i know everyone and then you deserve to win. and the outcome may not be the right one but it can't be undone and i know where you're coming from. with a little space and a little try it won't be erased, but you'll be fine. take the things you hate and throw them all away, there's more to this in life. }

05. RE-ARRANGE AGAIN de ERIN MCCARLEY { why does it feel like it gonna hurt the same? you gotta live til you die. lost in the silence of a long delay, you laugh until you cry. flowers fade, the spaces over our lives they remind us to forget the pain. all the shadows, all the shields, all the voices they stir the field. we gotta lift our eyes to the dawn, through the forest of forgotten tears. let it all out, let your guard down, let it fall down and rearrange again. words, they don't ever seem to feel the same when you hear them all the time. how do you ever let go of the shame when you've left someone behind?. flowers hang, the faces over our lies they remind us to forget the pain. it's time to say goodbye and start over. }

06. SHAKE IT OFF de TAYLOR SWIFT { but i keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving. it's like i got this music in my mind saying, "it's gonna be alright." 'cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. baby, i'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, i shake it off, i shake it off. heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break. and the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. baby, i'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, i shake it off, i shake it off. i never miss a beat, i'm lightning on my feet, and that's what they don't see. i'm dancing on my own, i make the moves up as i go, and that's what they don't know. } 

07. ELASTIC HEART de SIA { and another one bites the dust, oh why can i not conquer love? and i might have thought that we were one, wanted to fight this war without weapons. and i wanted it, i wanted it bad, but there were so many red flags. now another one bites the dust, yeah, let's be clear, i'll trust no one. you did not break me, i'm still fighting for peace. well, i've got thick skin and an elastic heart, but your blade it might be too sharp. i'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard, yeah, i may snap and i move fast. but you won't see me fall apart 'cause i've got an elastic heart. and i will stay up through the night, and let's be clear, won't close my eyes. and i know that i can survive, i'll walk through fire to save my life. and i want it, i want my life so bad, i'm doing everything i can. then another one bites the dust, it's hard to lose a chosen one. }

08. DAUÐALOGN de SIGUR RÓS { a quiet home, not a hair on the head stirs. sounds grave-still, no one wakes up, no rhythm speeds up, absolute dead calm. inside i think forest lights reveal a fire. one with myself, breathe in, breathe out. now i sit with steady land underfoot, the morning appears with its calm against the storm. and now the surface ripples and now we break the dead calm. }

09. ALICE de BIANCA RYAN { alice walks by the river, she feels prettier than ever. light reflects on water, the sun hits her hair. alice watches the sky above, she feels younger than ever as she spins and spins the wind hits her dress. alice, alice, what is your secret? alice, alice, how do you sleep at night? alice, alice, how do you stand so calm? when everything you live for is gone. hold my hand 'til they turn cold, 'til my eyes finally see gold. take my hand, embrace this dance, our last is almost over. sell my antiques, tell their story. we, my friend, made history. alice knows where she's going, she says in heaven there's no loneliness. as she reaches her final day, she still wears a smile. alice knows where she's going. }

10. HERE COMES THE SUN de THE BEATLES { here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and i say it's all right. little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. little darling, i feel that ice is slowly melting. little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. }

11. LAST HOPE de PARAMORE { the more i try to push it i realize – gotta let go of control. gotta let it happen, so let it happen. it's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going. and when it's dark out, no one's around, it keeps glowing. every night i try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better, then i wake up to the cold reality and not a thing is changed. but it will happen, gotta let it happen. and the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to. it's not that i don't feel the pain, it's just i'm not afraid of hurting anymore. and the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has. and that's the hope i have, the only thing i know that's keeping me alive. }

12. TOMORROW WILL BE KINDER de THE SECRET SISTERS { black clouds are behind me, i now can see ahead. often i wonder why i try hoping for an end. sorrow weighs my shoulders down and trouble haunts my mind. but i know the present will not last and tomorrow will be kinder. tomorrow will be kinder, it's true, i've seen it before. a brighter day is coming my way, yes, tomorrow will be kinder . today i've cried a many tear and pain is in my heart. around me lies a somber scene, i don't know where to start. but i feel warmth on my skin, the stars have all aligned. the wind has blown, but now i know that tomorrow will be kinder. }

13. LA VALSE D’AMELIE (PIANO VERSION) DE YANN TIERSEN { instrumental. }

14. COMING UP ROSES de KEIRA KNIGHTLEY { when you were asleep, and i was out walking, the voices started to speak and they wouldn't stop talking. there were signs all around, it really got my mind racing. you were right all along, something's gotta change. hold on, hold on there now for me. hold on, 'cause everything's coming up roses. now we're back on the street, found a song that's worth singing the bloody nose of defeat while your victory bell's ringing. my whole life's turned around for this thing you keep chasing. you were right all along, that's me who's got to change. }

15. RESCUE de YUNA { things were bad. she was in despair. but things were bad, she came up for air. she said a little prayer, she found herself. yeah she's got light in her face, she don't need no rescuing she's okay. yeah, she's got life in her veins, she don't need no rescuing she's okay. no s.o.s. needed, no rescuing, she's fine out there. she looks into the sky and all her tears are dry. she kiss her fears goodbye. she's gonna be alright. things were bad. it was beyond repair. she was scare, she couldn't handle it. things were bad, but now she's glad. can't you tell that she's walking on air? }

16. FIGHTING FOR NOTHING de MEG & DIA { when i was younger i wish that i would have known better. better love makes a fat romance that lasts for more than a shoe shine. i’m older, took all the words of my mother. but i know that i was put here to fight vikings in the cold war, with my arms out in the front lines singing, “dare me, dare me.” but these things take time, love. these things take backbone. and they’ll tell you what you want to hear 'cause they think it’s better. but you better know how to point out the liars. you’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. are you fighting for nothing? i’ve got my mouth, it’s a weapon. it’s a bombshell, it’s a cannon. i’ve got my words, i won’t give them mercy. i’ve got my words, i hope they hurt you. i hope they scar you. i hope they heal you. i hope they cut you open, make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons. make you see that some things are worth bruising for. make you see that your name is your honor code. make you see that your hands you’re accounted for. pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go. make you see your life’s not to be lived alone. }

17. HEART HOPE de OH WONDER { and i know we need a little heart hope. i know we've gotta outgrow and feel a little heart hope. }

18. DREAM de IMAGINE DRAGONS { it’s not what you painted in my head, there’s so much there instead of all the colors that i saw. we all are living in a dream, but life ain’t what it seems. oh everything’s a mess. and all these sorrows i have seen, they lead me to believe that everything’s a mess. but i wanna dream, i wanna dream, leave me to dream. i know all your reasons to keep me from seeing everything is actually a mess. but now i am leaving, all of us were only dreaming, everything is actually a mess. }

19. MOON RIVER de HENRY MANCINI { instrumental. }

20. SHAKE IT OUT (ACOUSTIC) de FLORENCE + THE MACHINE { regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments. and i've been a fool and i've been blind. and i am done with my graceless heart, so tonight i'm gonna cut it out and then restart. and it's hard to dance with a devil on your back and given half the chance would i take any of it back. it's a fine romance but it's left me so undone, it's always darkest before the dawn. and i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't. so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road. and i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope. it's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat. }

21. WINTER NEVER LASTS FOREVER de MARIT LARSEN { set your little heart on fire. go on, step into the dark. you will never lose your way, no matter how far you stray. cling to what you want to know, sometimes that means letting go. winter never lasts forever, pain will change and hope will grow. broken hearts can keep on beating. }

22. SPIRITS de THE STRUMBELLAS { i been looking at the stars tonight and i think oh, how i miss that bright sun. i'll be a dreamer 'til the day i die, but they say oh, how the good die young. i spent a lot of nights on the run and i think oh, like i'm lost and can't be found. i'm just waiting for my day to come and i think oh, i don't wanna let you down. 'cause something inside has changed and maybe we don't wanna stay the same. and i don't want a never ending life, i just want to be alive while i'm here. i got guns in my head and they won't go, spirits in my head and they won't go, but the gun still rattles. }

23. BEWARE OF DARKNESS de GEORGE HARRISON { watch out now, take care. beware of the thoughts that linger winding up inside your head, the hopelessness around you in the dead of night. beware of sadness, it can hit you, it can hurt you, make you sore and what is more. that is not what you are here for. watch out now, take care, beware of greedy leaders, they take you where you should not go. while weeping atlas cedars, they just want to grow. }

24. WHEN THE STORM HAS BLOWN OVER de SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR { like a wound that never heals or the sorrow you can't conceal, you're the actor that won't pretend. when the storm has blown over we'll start again. don't be so numb, your time will come. so pick it up from where you left, carry on. like a star that never dies or a broken lullaby, i can see you need a friend. when the storm has blown over we'll start again. }

25. UNTITLED #3 (SAMSKEYTI) de SIGUR RÓS { instrumental. }

26. THE PARTING GLASS de EMILY KINNEY & LAUREN COHAN { of all the money that e'er i had, i've spent it in good company. and all the harm that e'er i've done, alas it was to none but me. and all i've done for want of wit, to memory now i can't recall. so fill to me the parting glass, good night and joy be with you all. of all the comrades that e'er i had, they are sorry for my going away. and all the sweethearts that e'er i had, they would wish me one more day to stay. }

27. BLINDING de FLORENCE + THE MACHINE { seems that i have been held in some dreaming state. a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake. no kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber. felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids. shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs. no more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone. no more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden. no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world. and i could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack. all around the world was waking, i never could go back. 'cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open. and finally it seemed that the spell was broken. and all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open. }

28. DAYDREAMING de RADIOHEAD { dreamers, they never learn, beyond the point of no return. and it's too late, the damage is done. this goes beyond me, beyond you. we are just happy to serve. }

29. SHAKE IT OUT (COVER) de TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE ROCKSTAR { instrumental. }

30. SHE’S SO LOVELY de SCOUTING FOR GIRLS { i love the way she bites her lip, i love the way she shakes them hips. i love the way she makes me drool. i think that she is beautiful. she's so lovely. }

31. OPUS 36 de DUSTIN O’HALLORAN { instrumental. }

                    ¡¡ FELIZ NAVIDAD Y AÑO NUEVO, ALE !!

DE: andy

PARA: ale

Pequeña Ale:

Ay, me duele la espalda. Digo, qué. 

Lmao, hola. Me alegra que me hayas tocado, awww yiss. Sobre todo Alice porque ella siempre me ha gustado mucho y es muy querida para mí. Tenía muchas ganas de hacerle un mix. Fui desde su relación con Rabastan, pasando por su cambio de abrir los ojos a la realidad, pasando por su relación con la guerra, hasta llegar a sus “finales”, todo en una revoltura que espero te guste. Alice me encanta y tú has hecho que me encariñe más con ella. 

Pues, ¿qué más digo? Ya sabes todo. Te hice un mega speech en tu cumpleaños, so. Sabes que te adoro y me alegra ser tu amiga. Contar con alguien a quien decirle todo sin sentirse juzgada es fantástico. Me recuerdas a Alice, de hecho, porque eres leal y una persona muy alegre que contagia a los demás con su alegría. Es bueno ser así, no lo pierdas nunca, no importa qué. Dicho esto, eres una persona genial y si no tuviera mi cerebro frito, este sería un mejor speech, pero ya tú sabes. De hecho tú sabes porque mi cerebro está frito, so, ahí está AHAHAHAHA. 

Eres very important para mí y, sinceramente, no escogería a nadie más con quien llevar roleplays. Confío en ti como en pocas personas y aunque soy mala con las palabras, sabes que eres especial para mí y te has vuelto muy cercana. Tanto que nos decimos cosas que normalmente la gente no se cuenta, lmaoo. Anyway, gracias por todo. Tu amistad me da vida. 

[artificialqueens]

Older (Biadore) 4/? - nellie

A/N: In which Adore continues to make terrible life choices, but what else is new.

Also, thank you SO MUCH to everyone who’s given me such lovely feedback. This is the longest fic I think I’ve ever written and you’re all so encouraging it really inspires me to sit down and keep writing.

Some people are the type to snap from fast asleep to hyper alert and awake in the blink of an eye. Adore Delano has never been one of those people. When she wakes up in Bianca’s apartment she does so by degrees. She can hear traffic, but it’s not as loud as it is at home. She thinks it would probably be cold, but there are covers over her, and a warm arm slung low over her stomach. That’s a new experience and Adore takes a moment to savor it before she continues. Sound, touch, taste. She makes a face – her teeth need cleaning and her mouth feels fuzzy. She wonders if Bianca has a spare toothbrush. Is that the kind of thing you can even ask someone? Adore is the first to admit she’s not really sure about morning after protocol. The one time she slept over at a guy’s house his mom came in the next morning with breakfast like they were in some kind of fucking romcom and she’d been so uncomfortable she’d never done it again. But now, here she is, opening her eyes in Bianca’s white and surprisingly stark bedroom. Adore hadn’t really been paying attention the night before, but it’s not what she would have expected. It’s immaculate, but aside from a painting on the wall, it could be anyone’s bedroom anywhere. Bianca is the last person Adore would expect to have anything generic.

Adore dislodges herself from Bianca who makes a murmur of protest, but obviously decides going back to sleep is more important. She doesn’t bother putting anything on, instead padding naked to the bathroom. She pees, then stands in front of the mirror, eyeing her reflection critically. Her hair is a fucking mess that even water won’t be able to tame and half her face is covered in the remains of her eyeliner. There’s lipstick smeared around her mouth that must be Bianca’s – she touches her finger to the mark for a moment before smiling at herself.

Ten minutes later she’s not exactly looking respectable, but she’s a fucking lot closer than she was before. She rinses her mouth out with the mouthwash sitting on the counter and poses in the mirror. Looking good, feeling better, she thinks. There are a lot of good things about being Adore’s age, but never getting hangovers has to be right at the top of the list.

When she gets back to Bianca’s room the older woman is awake, eyes shamelessly raking over her naked body. Adore grins. “See something you like?”

“Come here. I think I promised to make you see stars.” Bianca’s voice is thick with sleep, which only makes her hotter.

Adore doesn’t have to be told twice.

***

It’s almost lunch period when Adore finally makes it to school, dressed in last night’s clothes. Her ripped-tights-and-short-skirt look isn’t exactly appropriate, but she’d had to make a choice between stopping at home to get changed or talking to Violet and her desperate need to tell someone about what has happened won out.

Bianca. Fuck.

The sex had been amazing and Bianca hadn’t seemed to care that Adore really had no idea what she was doing. She’d mumbled something about having to get to class afterwards, but Bianca had persuaded her to stay for breakfast and the whole situation had been a lot less uncomfortable than Adore had expected. They’d even exchanged numbers afterwards, although Adore is pretty sure that had just been politeness on Bianca’s part.

It doesn’t matter. Adore has no clear plans and certainly no expectations. She’s always been good at taking what she’s got, and right now what she’s got is sore muscles, scratches along her inner thighs and some very, very good memories.

“Bitch. The fuck have you been?”

Violet sits down next to Adore, jolting her out of her inappropriate-for-school Bianca thoughts.

Adore grins. “Long story. It’s got sex and intrigue though, so you’d probably like it.”

Violet snorts in response. “Since when do you know what intrigue means?”

Violet is a bitch and Adore is fucking dumb. It’s a match made in heaven (or hell, depending on how you look at it). They shouldn’t work as friends but they do, and Adore finds herself genuinely wanting to tell Violet all the details.

“I fucked Bianca Del Rio last night. Well, I guess technically it was this morning and she fucked me.” She takes no small amount of pleasure from watching Violet’s jaw drop.

“Shut up. Isn’t that illegal?”

Adore doesn’t really think that’s the most important part of the whole thing, but she shakes her head anyway. “Age of consent in New York is 17. I looked it up.”

“Of course you fucking did, you slut.” Violet is laughing, but she still seems impressed, or at least as impressed as Violet ever gets. “Well, damn. How was it?”

“Amazing.” Adore flops back onto the grass, staring up at the clouds in the sky. “Magical. High school boys are dead to me now.” There’s a pause, and then she adds more quietly, “hey, Vi?”

“What?” Violet sounds annoyed, but Adore knows her well enough to know that annoyed is Violet’s default tone of voice. Some girls have resting bitch face; Violet has resting bitch voice.

Adore sighs, not really sure how to put what she’s thinking into words. “I guess… I mean. I actually like her. But she has to be at least ten years older than me. I can’t. Can I?” As much as she’s desperately hoping Violet will give her permission, Adore already knows the truth about the situation. She can’t date Bianca, no matter how much she likes her. She doesn’t think Bianca is the type who’d be thrilled about picking her girlfriend up from high school or attending her graduation. She doesn’t have much self-control, but she’s not delusional enough to think a relationship with Bianca would actually work.

“Probably not. If it’s older you want, find some creep in his late 20’s who wants a trophy girlfriend instead.”

And that’s the problem, of course. Bianca isn’t a creep and she doesn’t seem like the type to get off on fucking teenagers just because she can. She likes Adore for who she is, not what she represents. It’s refreshing, but it’s not enough and Adore knows it.

That’s it, then. No more Bianca Del Rio.

***

Adore’s resolve lasts until approximately 37 minutes after she gets home, at which point her phone lights up with a text from Bianca.

Hey. Good day?

It’s so banal and Adore stares at it for several long minutes before she replies.

Not bad. I was a little distracted.

:x

Adore blinks at her phone. Did Bianca really just text her a kissy face? She’s debating what to say in response when another message appears.

U free tonight? Court and I were going to a play but she bailed. Help me, I’m desperate.

Adore barely has to think before she fires back, Love to. She’s not really into plays and she’s meant to be distancing herself from Bianca and her mom is actually home for once and Adore had sort of promised to spend the night with her. But all of those very reasonable excuses suddenly float away into the ether because Adore really really really wants to see Bianca again. Really. Even if it means sitting through some boring ass play and disappointing her mom.

Great. See you there at 8.

Adore groans. “Mom?”

Her mom appears in her bedroom door almost instantly, as though she’s been summoned by some demonic spell. “You screamed?”

“I have to go out. One of my friends is seeing a play and she has a free ticket so I said I’d go.”

“Huh.” Her mom appears to think for a minute. “I know that’s not a lie, because it’s too unbelievable. Do you need money?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks, though.” Adore grins, blowing her mom a kiss. “Love you.”

“I know. Love you too.”

Obligations cancelled, all that’s left is for Adore to try to figure out what to wear. She doesn’t know what constitutes appropriate play attire, but it’s probably not the same thing as the clothes in her wardrobe. After flicking through options for a little too long she settles on a loose black shimmery dress that falls to mid-thigh. With tights on it could almost pass for classy, although Adore promptly ruins that by pairing it with a beat up pair of boots and too much makeup. She looks like a slightly more dressed up version of herself which she figures is a reasonable compromise.

Most importantly, she looks fucking hot. She’s ready.

***

When Adore arrives outside the theater a bit before 8 she’s already regretting everything. It’s some Off-Off-Off Broadway play that’s advertised as being “an insightful feminist comedy about love, gender, and sexuality” which is… basically nothing Adore is interested in. It’s going to be boring as fuck and Bianca will probably expect her to have some great insight and eventually she’ll have to reveal that she doesn’t like thinking about gender and sexuality, because it makes her head hurt and why can’t everyone just be whoever they want to be?

“You made it.”

Adore whirls around to see Bianca standing behind her, looking as gorgeous as ever. She’s wearing a dress that flatters her curves perfectly, her makeup is immaculate and her heels are to fucking die for.

Adore suddenly feels like a little kid and she smiles awkwardly. “Yeah. Hey. Thanks for inviting me.”

“No problem. Come on, it’s about to start.”

Bianca holds her hand out and Adore takes it without thinking, feeling a small thrill when they’re sitting down and Bianca still hasn’t let go. Fuck. Fuck. She’s developing a serious fucking crush on Bianca Del Rio.

Adore tries to pay attention to the play, she really does, but it’s every bit as boring as she expected and most of the jokes go over her head. Bianca is laughing and Adore wishes she was smart enough to understand. Instead, she distracts herself by focusing on every single place she can feel Bianca’s hand touching hers. Bianca starts laughing again and pulls her hand away suddenly to wipe tears from her eyes. Adore waits, but Bianca returns her hand to her own lap and it’s almost embarrassing how much Adore notices the loss. She zones out, letting her mind wander until loud applause jolts her out of her thoughts and she realizes it’s over.

“Is that it?”

Bianca laughs. “It’s only intermission. There’s another act to go.”

“Oh.” Adore tries to look neutral, but obviously she’s not too good at it because Bianca raises an eyebrow at her.

“Not enjoying yourself?”

“No, I just…” Adore stops. Sighs. It’s pointless to lie and anyway, it’s not like she’s ever been good at that, either. “I don’t really get it? Maybe I’m just stupid, but it doesn’t make any sense to me.”

She’s expecting Bianca to roll her eyes or laugh at her or something, but instead she just shoots her a grin and leans in to whisper conspiratorially, “I don’t get it either.”

“Oh,” Adore says again. Wow. Her conversational skills are definitely on point tonight.

Bianca gets to her feet, grabbing her purse as she does. “You want to get out of here? There’s a bar across the road, we could get a drink instead of sticking around here.”

Adore does. She really does, in fact, but it seems a little rude and like a waste of money considering Bianca’s already paid for the tickets. She tries to say as much, but her brain is obviously smarter than she gives it credit for, because what actually comes out of her mouth is, “fuck yeah, I do.”

“Good.”

Bianca shoots Adore a smile that should probably be fucking illegal and Adore takes a second to gather herself, making a production out of checking she hasn’t left anything under her seat until she thinks she can safely stand up without collapsing.

“Let’s go.”

[artificialqueens]

Older (Biadore) - 2/? - nellie

A/N: I don’t usually write this quickly, but I wanted to get the beginning parts done so I could get on with writing the actual story, which will take me a little longer. This basically just sets up the next chapter, but there is angry Adore, which is my favorite kind of Adore.

So, on with the lesbians!

Exactly one week later, Adore is angry. This is nothing new for Adore, who has what her last school principal termed “anger management and self-control challenges”. He was right too, because it’s a fucking challenge not to lose your temper when you’re surrounded by assholes and Adore isn’t always very good at taking the higher ground.

In fact, she’s never very good at it.

Which is why she’s sitting in the guidance counselor’s office scowling at nothing in particular as she waits to be told yet again that she has to calm down if she doesn’t want to get expelled.

“Adore.” Miss Visage isn’t smiling. Adore doesn’t know her that well, but she gets the feeling that Miss Visage rarely smiles which isn’t exactly the best trait in someone you’re supposed to confide all your deepest secrets to.

“I’m not sorry,” Adore retorts.

Miss Visage sighs. “Adore, you got into a fight and punched a boy in the face. A boy, who couldn’t retaliate because he knew he’d be expelled.”

Adore makes a show of blinking in confusion, her brow knitted as though she’s deep in thought and trying to process what Miss Visage has just said. “So you’re telling me it was sexist of me to punch him?”

Miss Visage stares at her.

Adore stares back.

She hadn’t meant to punch him. She doesn’t even know his name and it isn’t like she actively goes out looking for trouble, no matter what people think of her. Trouble just seems to find her. And anyway, he was a fucking bully who was trying to pick on her and she can’t see anything wrong with self-defence. Maybe next time he’ll think twice about calling people names just in case they haul off and punch him.

“Am I expelled?” Not that she really cares, but her mom will be pissed if they have to find her a new school, especially halfway through the year. She’ll probably end up repeating the whole grade and then she’ll never graduate.

Miss Visage pauses as though she’s trying to drag out the suspense and really make Adore think about the consequences of her actions before shaking her head. “Not this time. But you need to control your anger. I can give you some strategies.”

Strategies. Strategies aren’t going to help, not when it’s everyone else who’s the problem. “Can I go now?”

Miss Visage nods, and Adore is out of the office in a split second. She checks her watch; it’s 2:30 and definitely an acceptable time to leave. If they didn’t kick her out for fighting they’re probably not going to kick her out for truancy and anyway, she’s still too angry to be in class. She tries not to get so keyed up, she really does, but it’s fucking hard in a world where nobody really understands you. She doesn’t think anyone in her life has ever asked her why she gets so angry. They’ve just told her that she has to stop, as though she’s doing this for fun and she really enjoys feeling so out of control all the time.

Newsflash: She doesn’t.

When she gets home she sees a note from her mom on the counter. Adore – won’t be home tonight. Here’s money for a pizza, love you, mom.

That’s some responsible parenting, Adore thinks as she pockets the money. She’s seventeen years old, more than old enough to look after herself for a night but the fact that her mom has been doing this for as long as she can remember makes it a little more questionable. But whatever, it’s nothing new and at least she has the apartment to herself. She could get drunk, or high, or completely fucked up. She could do her homework (laughable). She could do anything she feels like except for the one thing she wants most which is someone to talk to. She’s sad and she’s alone, and neither of those are feelings that she’s comfortable with.

So she does what she always does when she feels this way – goes to bed and hopes that maybe if she’s lucky she won’t wake up again.

***

It’s dark when Adore wakes up, the buildings outside casting shadows over her bedroom. She blinks and checks the clock next to her bed, still groggy from sleep. She’s slept for close to five hours and the anger has faded, mostly replaced by exhaustion and a bitter kind of resignation. She’s not sure which is better.

She doesn’t really know what makes her think of it, but she suddenly remembers the club from a week ago, the one she’d been to with Violet. It’s a Thursday and Bianca Del Rio is probably performing again. Maybe Adore can deal with her anger by watching the comic insult people onstage, living vicariously through her, or something like that.

She takes awhile to choose the perfect outfit and outlines her eyes carefully in black, telling herself that the reason she’s putting effort into her appearance has nothing to do with the fact that Bianca had sort of flirted with her last time she was there and she wants to make a good impression. She’s used to lying to herself, but this seems particularly unbelievable, even to her. While she’s at it, she also tells herself the reason she’s not inviting Violet along is because Violet’s flunking English and needs to do homework. It has absolutely nothing to do with Adore wanting all the attention for herself. Nope. Not at all.

The club is quiet when she gets there and she realizes she’s early. So much for making an entrance. She hovers awkwardly near the bar, trying to decide if she wants to stick around for hours just on the off chance that she might get to talk to Bianca again and is just about to leave when Courtney spies her. “Hey, girl! Adore, right?”

Yet again, Adore wonders how many people this club actually gets if the bartender can remember her name after meeting her once a week ago. “Yeah. Hey.”

“I am so glad you’re here.” Courtney does actually look glad to see her, which is kind of a new experience where Adore’s concerned. “The other bartender called out so I can’t leave the bar, but I always take Bianca a drink before her set. She’s not as funny when she’s sober. Can you do me a favor and give her this? Backstage is just through there.” She gestures to a door down the other end of the club and pushes a glass of something in Adore’s direction.

“Um. Sure.” Can Adore see an issue with being alone with Bianca Del Rio backstage in a seedy club at 8pm on a Thursday night? No, she most definitely can’t see any kind of issue with that. She takes the drink and shoots Courtney a smile. It’s tentative, but it’s the first time she’s smiled all day, which still counts for something.

Courtney smiles back, her teeth almost blindingly white. “Thanks, you’re an angel.”

Adore briefly wonders if she can get Courtney to write some kind of character reference for her to take to school. To whom it may concern: Adore Delano is an angel and not a troubled child with no career prospects and no future. Sincerely, Courtney the Australian bartender. She’s still giggling to herself as she walks through to the backstage area. She’s not sure what she expects, but what she finds is a long corridor with one solitary door at the end which kind of makes her think she might be the next victim in a horror movie, but she knocks anyway, holding up the drink when Bianca answers.

Any normal person would probably go with something safe. ‘Hi’ perhaps, or ‘Courtney asked me to give this to you.’ Maybe even, ‘remember me, I was the girl you met a week ago and I know I didn’t show it, but I think you’re fucking hot.’ Adore, however, who has been accused of being many things but never normal, smiles brightly and says, “do you ever think about what if we’re all just characters in someone else’s movie and we just don’t know it?”

To her credit, Bianca rolls with it, taking the drink and stepping back to let Adore into the room. “No. If I’m a fictional character I want to be the star.”

The room is kind of dingy but the lighting is good and there’s a couch that Adore immediately makes a beeline for. There’s a rack full of dresses, all of which are too glittery to be believed, and the counter near the mirror is covered in more makeup than Adore has ever seen in her life. It’s impressive. Bianca sweeps a pile of lipsticks out of the way and sets the drink down, sitting at the mirror and looking at Adore through the reflection.

“Adore, right? I remember you.”

Adore nods, swallowing hard. “That’s me.”

Bianca picks up liquid liner, leaning forward towards the mirror and beginning to line her eyes as she talks. “What brings you back to our fine establishment?”

Adore opens her mouth to give some kind of glib response or witty comeback, but her mouth and her brain aren’t communicating with each other and she comes out with the truth instead. “I had a shitty day at school and I wanted to shake it off, you know?”

“Mmm.” Bianca blinks a few times, looking intently in the mirror at her eyes before picking the liner up again. “What college do you go to?”

Oh. Right. Bianca thinks she’s 22. Even that makes her a loser, since 22 year old Adore should have graduated college by now and she’s sure as fuck not going to pretend she’s in grad school, but given a choice between being the girl who’s in college at 22 and the teenager who isn’t legally allowed to drink she goes with the former. “It’s just community college. I had some shit… I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Mmm,” Bianca says again. She stares critically at her reflection for a moment before starting work on the other eye. “I feel you. My day job is in costuming and it’s often shitty. You want me to do your eyes for you?”

The sudden change of topic makes Adore blink, her brain scrambling to catch up with her ears. “What’s wrong with my eyes?” She can’t tell if it’s an insult or not. Okay, so her aesthetic is a casual blend of fuck you coupled with a dose of fuck this, but Adore’s always been pretty proud of her makeup. It makes a statement. The whole classy older woman thing that Bianca has going on might work for her, but it’s not Adore’s style.

Bianca laughs. “Nothing, I just thought it might be fun.” She finishes her other eye with a flourish and blows her own reflection a kiss.

Bianca is different backstage. She’s more relaxed, smiling more freely and not above making stupid faces just to see if she can get Adore to laugh. It’s a little disconcerting, but Adore would be lying if she said she didn’t like it. It’s flattering to have someone like Bianca willing to talk to her. It’s a change from being told she’s nothing but a waste of space, anyway. So Adore nods her assent as she catches Bianca’s gaze again. Bianca’s answering smile is almost predatory and Adore feels her mouth go dry, but it’s too late to back out and if she’s honest she doesn’t want to.

Bianca kneels between Adore’s legs. “Close your eyes.” Adore does as she’s told, feeling the coolness of the liquid liner on her eyelid. Bianca paints a thick line above her lashes, ending in what Adore can only assume is some kind of cats eye. She repeats the process on Adore’s other eyelid, her hand slow and steady. The brush disappears and then suddenly Bianca is blowing gently on Adore’s eyes to dry the makeup. Adore bites her lip, reminding herself that Bianca is old and smart enough to have anyone she wants and there’s absolutely no reason why she’d ever want anyone like Adore. “Open.” Adore opens her eyes to see Bianca’s face and she’s so, so close. Bianca rests one finger on Adore’s jaw and it’s all the invitation she needs, closing the remaining distance between them and kissing Bianca.

It’s Adore who breaks the kiss first, glad for the makeup covering her cheeks. She knows she’s blushing.

“Listen.” Bianca’s voice is rough and she clears her throat before continuing. “I don’t know what your plans are for tonight, but you’re welcome to come home with me.” She traces the outline of Adore’s lips with her thumb as she speaks, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Adore’s just forgotten how to fucking breathe. Adore’s used to clumsy high school boys trying to feel up her tits when they think she’s not paying attention. She’s not used to someone just outright propositioning her – but she likes the directness. She wonders if Bianca is this confident in bed, and then her heart most definitely stops beating for a second and she does her best to put all thoughts of Bianca and sex out of her mind before she collapses right where she is.

She’s not that successful.

She’s also not that sensible, so she doesn’t even stop to think about the potential consequences of fucking Bianca. So she nods, and Bianca smiles in a way that makes Adore want to just shove her down onto the couch, but she shows some restraint and merely brushes her lips against Bianca’s for a second before getting to her feet.

“I’ll see you later. Have a good show.”