#bi-rights disaster Mal: incapable of saying no to pretty people even when he just really wants to go home

[greymouse42]

working on replying to previous adventures, but have some silliness while you wait

12, 32, and 39 for Mal

and 1 for Hemlock - what are we tossing from bg3 because they're your blorbo and you can make the rules.

Welcome to "mouse answers silly questions," where every question apparently has strikethrough bonus content.

12. Crack headcanon

If Jan weren't right in front of him, he'd also be on Team “Would tap Myles without a second thought.” actually I don't think this is even a hot take, lol. I can do better:

Alana Lyons, his detective partner, is engaged in constant, brutal, and quiet office warfare at all times to fend off all the young single ladies in the LAPD and court system, because Malachi by some genetic stroke of luck has the George of the Jungle(1997) effect on women until the moment he opens his mouth. Whenever he pisses her off, Lyons lets one through her blockade and Mal loses a half a day of work.

(In the post-breakup 2013-2015 span of time, sometimes he didn't open his mouth fast enough and he'd get strong-armed into going on a date. The mornings after those were usually the highlight of Lyons' week.)

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

Poorly-timed, deadpanned Dad-jokes. The worse the timing and caliber of joke, the better. The deadpan-straight delivery is also very important to get an actual laugh out of him.

Successfully bluescreening Jan.

39. Favorite game

Boring answer? Coup. (RIP Mal you would've loved Among Us with the Knockoff Mystery Gang)

Fun answer: “Look at me.”

1. Canon I outright reject (Hemlock)

BG3 only has 3 options for Paladin Oaths (Devotion/Ancients/Vengeance) and while I think that's perfectly reasonable for a video game, none of those really fit Hem.

I think they were always destined to break their Oath around when they did (end of Act 1) regardless of what the Oath actually was, but if I had complete control over canon, they'd be an Oath of Redemption paladin (with the oathbreaking violations being Innocence & Patience) rather than Oath of Devotion.