#between this and liking an ask baout my bracelets

[shegavemeroses]

couple days late but taylor playing “ivy” as a surprise song while i’m working on a tapestry i’m gonna name after “ivy” lyrics??? she so supports me

[aliciareneegarcia-blog]

My Invite Got Lost in the Mail: The Awkward Years (Middle School)

Perhaps telling my life story would make more sense in chronological order, but; I like to tell the stories as I remember them.  For me, I think I became most cognitively aware of who I was in Middle School.  6th through 8th grade or what I would like to call: my time in hell.  

By 6th grade, my parents were going through a gross separation and my mom was not around.  It was just me and Victor and let me tell you, we did NOT talk about things that could cause any potential awkward situation.  Lucky for me, I have a bombass godmother who took me to do all the awkward things a girl needs to do. But I think that’s a whole other post.  

Middle school, I think, is everyone’s worst of times.  You’re starting to develop, feelings are weird and playing all those games you once did in 5th grade become “so lame.”  Additionally, if you’re a rather small adolescent, middle school is even worse.  

I entered middle school weighing a whole 60ish lbs.  I couldn’t fit all the cool juniors clothes yet so I was still wearing things from Limited Too.  Additionally, I had some dental woes and had to get braces slapped on and later, I’d eventually have to get surgery to fix the big woe of my front teeth.  Needless to say, I was an insecure 11-14 year old and this is when my angst towards life really began.

My peers didn’t necessarily help the beginning of angst either.  This boy, let’s call him Tom, used to trip me in the hallway everyday in 7th grade before science class.  We weren’t allowed to carry backpacks in school for safety measures and since I didn’t have time to go to my locker between classes, I carried a lot of junk around in my arms.  And everyday, all that junk would go flying down the hallway as Tom decided to trip me.  

Some people said he was tripping me because he liked me but that wasn’t the case.  How did I know?  Because he would date a different girl every month that was not me and at the monthly school dances, he did not dance with me.  Only tried to trip me up more as we all tried to learn the cha cha slide (that’s right that song came out when I was in middle school.)  Tom moved when we were in 8th grade, I hope that, wherever he is, he stopped tripping people because I would come home with bruised knees on a regular basis.  And I wouldn’t wish bruised knees on anyone.  

Because I was starting to get picked on and with home life changing drastically, I discovered sadness in a deeper way.  Another helping mechanism for learning baout  sadness?  EMO MUSIC.  And 2001-2004 was the start of emo.  Thank god for that.  I wore the weirdest clothes I possible could and begged my dad for every band tee and Emily Strange thing I could possibly get my hands on.  Additionally, I spent far too much money in Claire’s on those jelly bracelets.  (Side note: I was the most innocent kid on the planet; the concept of them being “sex bracelets” was never something that dawned on me, I wore them to be as punk as possible.)  I wore striped tights, arm warmers and had my hair cut in choppy layers.  I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair back then but I would wear my hair over one eye just because I could.  

At 14, I would be on AIM after school and soccer practice, talking to my circle of friends who were equally into emo.  I would sit there, IMing with them on my dial up internet, talking about how much we hated life.  And often, I would post my strong feelings of disdain on live journal.  I continued doing that until 9th or 10th grade.  Hell, I guess Word Press is the same concept.  Often, I would listen to Death Cab for Cutie because Seth Cohen from the OC introduced me to them while writing some sad poetry about feeling alone and everything that ruined my soul. 

Texting wasn’t a thing yet in the early 00s & I didn’t get my first phone until 8th grade when I needed to call my dad to pick me up from soccer practice.  There was no smiling at your crotch in my middle school years.  That didn’t really take off until late high school and into undergrad.  Instead, we would all have “note notebooks.”  Decorated notebooks with a bunch of emo quotes all over it that you would pass back and forth between classes with your friend to let them know how terrible fourth period is and how we couldn’t wait for Lily’s (name change) party because her parents were the best and allowed loud music.  We would write notes to each other, tricking teachers into thinking we were writing class notes but that wasn’t the case.  And for the friends who weren’t your besties, you’d send cooly folded paper in the hallway with all your angst.  I used to have those in a shoebox somewhere, I hope I still have those antiques at my dad’s house.  

I think back on these moments and realize how depressed I was in middle school but I have to remember; middle school was also hilarious as well.  Me and my friend once brought a bunch of paper clips to our school dance and wore them as a “fashion sensation that’s sweeping the nation.”  And people bought into our weirdness and kept asking us for paperclips that night.  Harry Potter films started in 6th grade and the Prizoner of Azkaban was one of the first movies I got to go see with my friends without parents.  We made dirty jokes about wands and it was that film where I first held hands with a boy.  Additionally, ice skating was a must do on the weekends and in the summer, we’d spend all day downtown if parents permitted.

So while middle school was the absolute worst as I discovered sadness and I learned what depression was, I want to hold onto how it was a becoming of age time for me.  It got me into bands I still listen to today, I discovered dating, my love of reading grew deeper and I gained an appreciation for sarcasm and dry humor.  My 11-14 years were pretty weird but I like to think that those years are weird for everyone.