#between my inconsistent eating and lack of (good) sleep i smtms wonder how i stay upright at all. im prob losing weight again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

perce · 6 years ago

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forces myself to get food before i go to bed and rewards myself with cocoa for actually eating bc my returned lack of appetite lately has been making my health worse than it already is and my comfort food (drink?) of choice serves as bonus calories

#mine #the only days i reliably eat are when i work bc i usually have a lil smth before a granola bar on break and then w/e i get for lunch #most days i have dinner ? but today for example i barely ate half my bowl of soup if that. which i feel bad abt but i just. wasnt feeling it #but that was like 6 hrs ago and the last id eaten at all before that was my lunch 12 hrs ago now. so yeah #between my inconsistent eating and lack of (good) sleep i smtms wonder how i stay upright at all. im prob losing weight again #bc yknow i have so much body fat to spare i guess. all this and im WALKING while typing this out #p sure i have a problem but im. idk what to do this just sorta comes n goes in waves. it passes but this spell feels long even for me #its rly been fuckin w me all month too. more pain/fatigue/etc and other exciting things.#i would expect this to make me... moodier but instead ive just felt dead and detached. i hesitate to say i struggle with True apathy but #i know i def have a hard time mustering up sympathy/empathy regularly n lately its been. hard to connect #which i normally blame on what i presume is narcissm but im not so sure rn. is it possible to just be too tired for emotions #anyway this post wasnt supposed to get This heavy so im sorry abt All That #oh hrm should this be tagged?? like as disordered eating or w/e? prrrobably lol #disordered eating #feel mad dumb using that tag bc i Dont have an eating disorder but i will recognize that currently my behavior isnt healthy n idk how many-#followers dont wanna see or would get triggered by seeing me rant abt my bullshit again #fuck dude its almost 2 am what happened to 2 hrs ago when i was gonna lie down. or at least move to my room #long tags #its just that kinda night!#god i am literally walking myself to sleep. this is like taking crying babies on drives except im dead silent and i have to do it myself #its been awhile since ive had to do this.. normally my walking is leisure these days.#but ive caught myself this past week resorting to the old habit of wearing myself out by walking in the dark until i can barely feel my legs #which is also killer on my back/spine but. what other choice do i have #im gonna stop myself here but yea im a bit of a Mess

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