#between june and september I lost like. twenty kilos. which is slightly concerning but the dopamine I got from that was Insane
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you can tell I've gotten so much worse lately because of how I react to a number changing
#I've always had some form of disordered eating there are so many complex reasons for why that's the case but it's worse#between june and september I lost like. twenty kilos. which is slightly concerning but the dopamine I got from that was Insane#lately I've been hungrier than I'd like which is triggering anyway but I've felt so disgusting whenever I've eaten outside of#the Designated Meals of lunch and tea. even sometimes felt disgusting for eating lunch ngl#but I've still managed to lose another five kilos ish which is again bordering on concerning probably because of other issues I've had#as of late. which are probably stress related but I'd not put it past my body to be failing in another way#I still feel like I have a handle on it because despite the happiness hit that I got from seeing that loss it's not about numbers for me#at least not necessarily. I think it's just like. oh you're making progress towards being skinnier. even though it'd be nice to see#it more visibly which is the whole thing with me lmao#we'll see if this is enough to make me feel a little bit better about still being alive but honestly I just got screamed at so.
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