#bethany writes

[likeadove]

love like a sunset (1/1)

My oneshot for the @reylofanfictionanthology

Benedict Solo had not expected to arrive to this upon his glorious return to the manor he grew up in.

This being: a grown woman letting out loud, gleeful one syllable noises as she totters toward him on two unsteady feet.

A Poor Things AU

Read now on AO3

Ko-fi if you feel so inclined

[crows-of-buckets]

Au where Carver, instead of fleeing Ostagar, ends up with the hero of Fereldan, and follows them around to help stop the blight. He eventually ends up at Amaranthine, and becomes a full warden alongside all the others. He becomes kinda friends with Anders (I think he would be a bit less of an ass to pre justice anders) and somehow the two end up leaving for Kirkwall together.

Hawke walks into the clinic looking for grey warden maps and runs into their baby brother they thought was dead. He's just chilling in the sewer clinic like it's a normal thing to be doing.

[perfectquote]

The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.

Bethany Brookbank, Write like no one is reading

[quotefeeling]

The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.

Bethany Brookbank, Write like no one is reading

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Every time I see someone earnestly say that Carver hates Hawke, I have to exercise such restraint to not scream.

Every day I get closer to writing a deep dive about him because that's my guy. He's so interesting. He feels so much. He tries so hard when talking to the other companions and some of the dynamics he has with them are so good. He can be so fucking funny and sweet and awkward. He so badly wants to be wanted and appreciated and to protect everyone he loves.

Carver Hawke, they could never make me hate you.

[perfectfeelings]

The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.

Bethany Brookbank, Write like no one is reading

[nqueso-emergency]

Lizzie, they're gonna turn on you next, love. Interesting thing to say imo...

Oh Beth... you shouldn't have said that

[thatforkedroad]

always in reverse

[also on ao3] Siblings Marian and Garrett Hawke are so similar, and yet they’re as different as night and day (2!Hawkes au character study)

----

Marian is born exactly fourteen-and-a-half months before her brother. It’s long enough for her to claim absolute superiority as the eldest Hawke sibling, but not quite long enough for her to remember a life before Garrett. 

She has their mother's eyes and he their father's, but they share Malcolm’s thick sheaf of black hair, untamed and always unkempt despite their mother's best efforts. When Marian cuts her hair with the kitchen knife, they could be mistaken for twins. 

The similarities run deep and shallow. She and Garrett are both brash; they always have been, as if it was a part of the bloodstream tying them together. They both run straight into trouble, but brother is brash in that dashing hero sort of way, and he talks his way back out of trouble with an easy grin. Marian is brash, but not in the way people like. She learns to fight dirty in back alleys and the schoolyard, and an insult is met with a fist long before she can even consider a witty remark. 

He tracks mud in the door after a hunt, but he always cleans up after himself. He doesn’t leave blood or dirt on the table or ruin his third shirt that month. If he does get into trouble, he has their mother’s smooth speech and noble posture mixed with their father’s quick wit and brilliant smile. All Marian has is two hands and a bright-red temperament. He’s made for building and she for breaking. 

Sometimes it’s a wonder they’re related — a wonder she’s related to anyone in her family, even. She is not a mage or healer like her father, and she is not a proper lady like her mother. At least it gets easier with the twins. Sure Bethany’s even worse than Garrett, the perfect daughter for their highborn mother and the perfect student for their healer father, but Carver’s like Marian. Not by accident, either; he watches Marian practice — all jabs and sharp swings — until she takes pity and shows him a few sword stances she picked up in alleyways. 

Still, he’s more of a Hawke than she’ll ever be; he fights to protect, never to break. He shadows their parents as much as he shadows her. 

Marian is fourteen-and-a-half months and five years older than all of her siblings — so when Father dies, it would only be natural if she took on his roles to help her mother. That’s what the eldest is supposed to do. 

In some ways, it’s what she does; she’s the one who takes on more work to make up the coin they need, she’s the one who keeps the family safe when some idiot tries to nick Bethany’s purse. But Marian has spent her life trying to be anything but her parents and all she does is break things. So when someone has to take Malcolm’s real role, when someone has to care for the twins and fix the hole in the roof and make sure their mother is eating enough, Marian can only watch while her brother takes it upon his shoulders. 

He takes to older-brother-father with the same smooth ease he takes to everything. He comforts his younger siblings with stories and corrects Bethany’s form when she casts (even if he’s barely been practicing himself) and loses arm wrestles to Carver on purpose. He encourages Bethany to go for that apprenticeship with the apothecarist on the edge of town and congratulates Carver when he eventually gets his commission in the army.

Marian knows Garrett’s trying to fill the grieving hole in his chest with responsibility, but she doesn’t know how to stop him. All she has are two hands, and it’s oh-so hard to save someone from drowning when you’re nose-deep in the water too. 

In all his new responsibility, Garrett forgets to shave a few too many days. His thin stubble begins growing out into a thick black beard and Marian keeps spotting a dead man out of the corner of her eye. Nobody says anything. She supposes that in the mirror, it must be harder to notice the similarities between her brother and the corpse in Lothering cemetery. Garrett can’t see how it looks when he leans down to point at Bethany's book or when he claps Carver on the shoulder with a laugh. Doesn’t see the heartbreak in their mother's eyes or the way Marian’s heart tightens.

The twins don’t seem to notice either, or at least don’t seem to mind. Maybe it makes things easier for them, smoothens the transition from child to half-orphan until grief is hardly visible in their gold-and-blue eyes. 

But all their mother does is notice. Garrett smiles like a ghost and Mother treats him like the sun, something that will burn her eyes red if she looks for too long. Before Father, Marian would have asked her brother what it was like to be a vessel for their mother’s grief. After, now, everything has changed and she finds the question dying on her too-different tongue.

Besides, it doesn’t take long before she learns the answer for herself. 

They’re one of the last families to leave Lothering. It’s not like they take long to pack; they’ve been preparing for a moment like this since before Marian was even born, in case Father or Garrett or Bethany were seen by some nosy neighbour or lucky Templar. They’ve always known something would happen, always known there was something temporary about this house — even if they didn’t think it would end quite like this. 

But they’re Malcolm Hawke’s family and he taught them to help before he ever taught them to hide. When word and panic reaches the town, the Hawkes reach their neighbours — the old lady opposite whose children haven’t visited in a decade, the young parents four doors down, the veteran with the poor leg the next street over. They help them pack onto the few carts in town and assure them it will be fine. They stay until the darkspawn are visible from the highest hill and don’t look back when the monsters drown their home in Blight. 

Marian leads her family and the meagre few belongings they carry across Ferelden. They’re sore and tired and in the early stages of a new grief, but none of them complain about the hard paths and miles to go.

Marian wonders later if leaving earlier would have made a difference. If she should have ignored their father’s old lessons of compassion and just grabbed her families’ hands and ran. Some of the smaller darkspawn might still have caught up, yes, but surely not that ogre. Or if it had, maybe they would have been less tired when it did. And maybe, he would have…

When the ogre rises onto the plateau with a deafening roar, Marian grits her teeth and readies her sword for the first strike — but Bethany and Carver rush in before she can even react. She’s not sure how it happened. She’s not sure if it was because Carver was a faster runner or because Bethany has always been more careful or because twins don’t share their luck in equal parts. She just knows that within moments, she goes from being the eldest of four to the eldest of three. 

The siblings kill the thing they don’t yet realise is their brother’s murderer before they rush over to their mother and Carver’s not-quite-corpse. It is not an easy battle, but it seems too simple for what they know has happened. 

Marian drops to her knees by Carver’s torn chest. She vaguely registers Bethany’s distraught mumbling about healing spells and Garrett's too-wrong silence. But she can't take her eyes off her littlest brother’s red face. 

Carver reaches blindly up to his eldest sister with a bloody hand. In his dead-man’s-clumsiness, he smears it on her face before she can catch his hand and hold it for dear life. He returns her grip for a dear few moments — and then his fingers go loose and his eyes glaze over. 

The four of them stare at the body— no, at Carver, at Marian’s baby brother — until they really realise he is not going to move again. Little Carver, who would tumble and scrape his knee and always get straight back to running, is not getting up this time. Silence reigns over the family of now-four for minutes. They all know the darkspawn are coming, Marian knows she needs to tell them to move, but they– they can't leave him, can't carry him, can't save…

The silence is not broken gently. It is snapped in violence when Leandra looks up with fury in her ice-cold eyes and tells Marian this is your fault.

Garrett then says something, pulls their mother from the body (no, Carver), but Marian doesn’t hear or notice over the wide-eyed ringing in her ears. She lacks the words to defend herself — or worse, she lacks the will. Maybe, somewhere in her heart, she agrees. Maybe this is her fault, because Marian is the eldest by fourteen-and-a-half months and she is not her mother or her father, and all she has ever done is break things. 

[garadinervi]

Bethany Collins, Not What, But How, (charcoal on found paper), 2016 [Patron Gallery, Chicago, IL. © Bethany Collins]

[thoughtkick]

The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.

Bethany Brookbank, Write like no one is reading

[privatebooth]

Previously

Hawke considers his options. He needs to be careful about using attack spells lest it makes Fenris wake up, and he needs to keep him here to talk.

Carefully he takes out the fear demon burning it down (without Fenris noticing, as he is immersed in his vision). Then he uses a frost spell on the nightmarish image of himself and makes it shatter.

Fenris turns in his direction. Hawke approaches him cautiously and tries to smile. Fenris stares and Hawke notes that he doesn't look good - haggard, slow, eyes dim and apathetic and almost devoid of color. He wonders if this is the projection of how Fenris currently feels about himself, or does he really look like that in real life now. Has he been able to get any night's rest with dreams like this? Has he been eating at all? He must have been drinking, too... Hawke really hopes that Fenris will be able to hear and understand him. He takes it slow and doesn't say anything for a while, letting Fenris take a good look at him, searching his face.

(I honestly tried to tweak his textures to make him actually look "not good", but it proved to be useless. He's simply too beautiful, no matter what D:)

"Not giving me much credit, are you? I thought you knew me better than that!" Hawke makes an attempt at a pout. Fenris peers into his face.

Hawke doesn't know how much time has passed - his own time here fighting demons felt like an eternity. Fenris must have been tormented by his demons for quite a while, so Hawke doesn't expect him to be quick about his reactions. He decides it best to not do or say anything for now, just give Fenris time. There are no demons in sight, and no reason to rush things, so they spend a few moments simply looking at each other. In the meantime Hawke is trying to come up with just what to say, but when he finally meets Fenris's gaze his mind only screams It's me, it's really me, please see me, hear me.

Finally Fenris asks what's going on, and even his voice sounds wrong. Hawke asks if Fenris will hear him out. Fenris wonders sceptically if there's anything left to be said. Hawke heaves a deep sigh and groans that It's going to take a while. He takes a seat on the ground and suggests that Fenris do the same. No, really, it's going to be a long talk, you should sit down.

Fenris eyes him suspiciously but complies. They sit opposite of each other and keep staring.

Awkward silence ensues. Hawke hopes that if it drags on long enough with nothing happening for longer than expected and Fenris starting to get bored, he may be more susceptible to the new information. After all, demons aren't exactly subtle with their temptations, they usually get straight to the point!

When it feels like the time is right he starts talking.

We have a problem.

You don't say.

You're dreaming, and this is a very bad dream. There are demons out to get you, and you already let them in.

I did not! Fenris gives him an offended glare and frowns. Hawke is happy to see a genuine emotion on Fenris's previously blank face and it makes him smile. Fenris is watching him intently, as if trying to see through his deception.

I am here.

Fenris finds it surprising. He talks about Varric's letter which said that... (His face turns blank again as he recalls the exact phrasing). Before it arrived he'd been trying to reassure himself that Hawke's dream goodbye was a result of his own deep seated fears and anxiety.

Hawke winces imagining just what soul crushing words his writer friend used to notify Fenris of Hawke's apparent death. The dwarf was dangerously good with words, so it must have messed Fenris up pretty badly. Hawke also recalls that his own "last words" to him were frighteningly genuine (he believed it himself then!). He shifts uncomfortably.

Varric had a lot on his plate at the time. He had no way to know what happened later.

Hawke doesn't think it wise to share all the truth with Fenris, especially about the spirit he encountered. Nevertheless he needs to give him something to go on. He struggles to continue their conversation.

I appreciate knowing that you'd put me out of my misery should I go off the deep end, wouldn't have it any other way (if it ever comes to that)! But It's early yet. I'm still kicking!

Hawke is searching Fenris's face, and braces himself when he says

I may have rushed with conclusions last time we spoke. My goodbye to you was premature. I mean, I'm still trapped here, but it's not as permanent as I had thought. I'm working on a plan to get out!

Fenris's look is so intense, Hawke is ready to believe that he got through to him.

Look, I know you're worried about me, but right now you are the one who's in danger.

Hawke has a request. He asks Fenris to find a jar of very specific herbs at a specified location at his workplace back home. (After they left Kirkwall and settled down in a quiet remote place Hawke took to advanced herbalism. It became his hobby to experiment with effects of the herbs. He really wanted to do something that would help people). The jar is labeled "for extremely bad times". Fenris should brew a pinch of those herbs in a cup of hot water, let it draw for at least an hour, and drink it before going to bed every night. For Fenris this will block out all dreams - preventing demons from entering them. He will be completely out, not seeing any dreams whatsoever (I haven't yet thought of how Hawke would use it for himself or other mages). Also he really should refrain from imbibing any alcohol, lest it messes up the effect of the herbs. And it's just not very good for your health

He pauses, and holding Fenris' gaze pointedly states

I'm not giving up. I'll find my way back to you, but promise me you'll take care of yourself. I need you to be there.

With a timid smile he adds

It looks like you're the one who's going to have to save me!

Hawke presents to him the basic outline of the plan which involves finding a weak spot in the Veil, Carver coming to hold Fenris's hand, and Fenris pulling Hawke out. They will need to coordinate their movements, but for now Fenris needs to regain his strength.

Fenris lets it sink in. He is afraid to believe. He'd already sort of accepted that Hawke wouldn't come back, and now this? But this request is so simple. Something he can actually try and see.

He points out that without being able to dream he won't be able to see Hawke either, to which Hawke replies that it won't be necessary. He still needs to find a way to reach Carver, and if it works out he'll send a message through him.

Fenris asks if Hawke is a Dreamer now, and Hawke chuckles and says that apparently in his current state he can mentally connect to those he loves most.

Fenris ponders.

Finally he looks up at Hawke, and when he speaks his voice sounds stronger:

If you don't come back I don't know what I'll do with you.

Hawke is overjoyed because Fenris finally sounds like himself again.

He can't resist the urge to move closer to Fenris and touch his face.

If I do come back you can do with me whatever you want.

Fenris seems to relax a little.

Hawke notices a faint glow in the far end of the dream space and sees Hope tentatively poke Its head into the "room". Their eyes meet, It smiles brightly and waves at him excitedly.

(It's very happy about being able to come in!)

Next

[likeadove]

Would you consider updating To Take Your Honey :(

I love your work💚 wcpahwcbat is probably my favorite fanfic to ever grace the internet

To be fully honest, I’m not sure. I really like To Take Your Honey, it’s one of my more unique fics and I look over it at least once a year because there are parts of it that I really like! I’ve thought about turning it into an original science fiction novel and have also thought about potentially taking the narrative and applying it to a video game. I know that doesn’t properly answer your question. The best I can say for now is that it’s still in limbo.

I’m so glad you love WCPAH! That story remains very special to me and it means so much that it still resonates with others. While I won’t be updating To Take Your Honey anytime soon, I do have a new reylo one shot for Valentine’s Day coming soon as I participated in the RFFA this year ���

[thehopefulquotes]

The sharpest minds often ruin their lives by overthinking the next step, while the dull win the race with eyes closed.

Bethany Brookbank, Write like no one is reading

[revvethasmythh]

it's been weeks and i'm still so compelled by the background storyline of hawke going to weisshaupt after here lies the abyss. like. it makes no damn sense. maybe if hawke has a living sibling who is a grey warden, you can twist the logic of it, but i did not have that and also hawke said she wanted to make sure corypheus died and neither staying in the fade NOR going to weisshaupt really accomplishes this goal. like there is NO reason for hawke to be up at weisshaupt, this is not in her lane, this is not her business, her skin is NOT clear, her crops are NOT watered. the wardens are not the responsibility of your Just Some Guy from Kirkwall who has potentially zero connections to the wardens at all except for that one time they super causally tried to use her as a blood sacrifice (maybe she and the first warden can laugh about it some day, but somehow i doubt it!).

BUT. but. the mental imagine of hawke going there and then her sibling (if alive) and her love interest ALSO going there, just to meet up with her, makes it so bonkers funny i don't even care if it doesn't make sense. wtf do you mean hawke family reunion relationship drama in the austere home of the wardens where they all show up and then the entire leadership of the wardens suddenly implodes as civil war breaks out and then their asses get STUCK there. wtf do you mean hawke inadvertently sticks her ass in the middle of yet another civil war while simultaneously having to patch things up with her LI and deal with a sibling dynamic at the same time. hawke can't catch a fucking break istg. it's just her, her sibling, and her LI as their own little three person party while some truly WILD shit goes down and the epilogues are all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about what happens other than like two lines that put the most insane images into my head. there's a sped-up video of this going down in my mind with the benny hill theme playing in the background. why does varric talk like hawke is still at weisshaupt during trespasser, which takes place two entire years after hawke was meant to go there to give a basic report and then dip. how is this THE most hawke thing to ever happen and we're just. told nothing more about it except that varric got One™️ message from her via an entire smuggling syndicate that essentially says "damn, shits crazy here" and that he assumes hawke will walk away from the building while it's exploding sometime in the near future because apparently the conflict there is not yet resolved. again, this is TWO YEARS LATER. like trespasser is fun and all but truly can we revisit wtf this was all about because WHAT

[youryesmandraws]

The ludo-narrative dissonance of mages in dragon age 2 is brutal- but- the second a templar randomly appeared at night beckoned by a chantry sister it scared the shit out of me and my all mage party.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

You ever think about how in spite of knowing their exact locations, the game never gives any indication that templar Carver has reported his mage sibling, Merril (a blood mage) or Anders (an abomination) to his superiors?

I do think about that a lot, even though I tend to ignore the Templar Carver route because I know Warden Carver to be true in my heart and soul... but I totally get the appeal of Templar Carver within DA2's narrative, y'know?

It's so fascinating, really. I've never played a run with Templar Carver, I just can't bring myself to do it, so I know I'm missing out on smaller details of it. From what I do know, this drives me crazy in the best way possible.

Deciding whether to bring him or not to the Deep Roads is such an important choice, not only because it affects his fate, but how it affects his relationship to Hawke. He tells you that he wants to go, he makes it very clear that it's important to him that he goes, too... and Hawke can just leave him behind and it hurts him. I don't think that registers enough with some people just because of how Carver is, like it doesn't matter what Hawke's motivations are [staying behind for his safety, not wanting to bring him, thinking someone should stay with Leandra, etc] it still hurts him because it tells him that Hawke doesn't need him, and Carver wants to be needed.

And yes, there are other contributing factors to why he joins the templars, but it doesn't matter what your relationship is to him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't turn Hawke or his companions in.

Sure, the meta reason is it's a video game and you're playing the main character. You're never in any actual danger of being captured by templars, and you're not going to lose your companions to them that easy.

But if we look at it through the narrative and Carver's character, that's when it gets interesting. You can max out his rivalry and be an utter asshole to him [there's a point where you can call him a brat and mock him for being stuck in your shadow, like Hawke can be real cruel about it] but it doesn't matter, you're still his sibling. He even makes a remark about how you might not know what that means [referring to leaving him behind] but he does. He refuses to kill Hawke in the end when Meredith makes the order, too.

Which can I just point out that Hawke has the option to let Bethany die in the end if she's with the circle and they side with the templars? Just saying, Carver NEVER does that no matter what, but Hawke has the option to betray Bethany like that and it's fucked and interesting and it makes me want to eat my chair-

As for Merrill and Anders, I think he knows that if he turns either of them in, then the chances of Hawke being brought in as well skyrocket. They're all friends, they're in the same group... bring one in, and you'll probably get the other two.

I also think Carver just genuinely likes Merrill. Yes, I'm a Carver/Merrill shipper, so I have a bias, but even if you remove anything romantic from their dynamic I believe that's true. Of all the companions, Merrill is the only one who doesn't make fun of him, or find him annoying, in party banters. He never snaps back at her, like he's never defensive with her, he's just a little awkward and nice.

Like, HE'S SO NICE TO HER! He tries to find common ground with her! She asks him about "swording" and he's taken aback by her saying he's good at it, but you KNOW that if someone like Anders asked him the same question, he's be all, "shut up, you're stupid, stop talking to me >:["

Think back to that banter Carver can have with Aveline post-act 1 where they're talking about how the guard wasn't the right place for him [hard disagree with you there, Aveline] and Carver says he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he.... and every companion will agree except Merrill. She doesn't say anything, whereas other companions like Anders will be like "ugh maker YES" and if you have a purple Hawke, they'll go on to other ways Carver was a tit like?? I think Carver and Merrill got along and he doesn't want to turn her in because she was nice to him! And she's a blood mage! He knows what will happen to her if the templars get ahold of her! He doesn't want to see her made tranquil or killed!

At that point, he's witnessed what bad blood mages can do, assuming you've brought him along for those quests, but even so. He knows Merrill isn't like that and he likes her, so of course he's not going to turn her in despite that being his literal duty.

Then there's Anders who Carver doesn't like. If you're in a romance with him, Carver will tell him that's why he doesn't turn him in but c'mon Carver, you know that's not the only reason. My theory is Carver may not like Anders and he knows the man's got a spirit of justice inside of him... but Anders also runs a free clinic. If he's ever taken in by templars, then so many people [including a LOT of Fereldan refugees] will be without free health care and will suffer for it. I think in Carver's eyes, Anders might be irritating but he doesn't more good than harm. Carver knows first hand how shitty refugees and poorer people are treated in Kirkwall. Anders' clinic is the one place they can go for help and actually get it, and he's not going to be the one to take that away because the templars say "magic bad."

So yeah, I'm not as informed about the Templar Carver route, but I do think about how if I did do that route, he wouldn't betray Hawke or their companions no matter what and what that says about him.