#bet u thought i was gonna ramble abt springtrap?

[spaciebabie]

Hey Spackle you wonderful human being what's something normal you obsess over let's shift the focus huh

Sorry normaler than usual my bad

i cant shift the focus. look at my pfp. look back at me look in2 my eyes no dont fuckin do that. look back at you. walk 2 ur closest mirror. look at your hand. now look back at me. dont make eye contact. i wanna kiss him so bad dude.

anyway ive been thinking lately abt The Two Worst Siblings™ yk citrine and spinel and how they are a perfect reflection of everything they hated abt their parents. every microaggression. every passive aggressive remark. every outright argument. spinel was basically tasked w/raising 4 kids at a young age but being so young she understood nothing. she fell back onto old ways and was surprised when citrine followed the same path. she liked 2 think she had done everything right. she made sure they were fed, she cut off their parents, she got an incredible job so why was she still miserable? why was citrine miserable? she couldnt understand it was all so illogical. but she was never taught how 2 talk. and so her feelings, which came from a good place initially, bubble up and she gets so angry. angry at her parents, angry her family is sad, angry at citrine, angry at herself. b/c why cant i keep my family together like i used to?

it only made her angrier seeing citrine the sister she had so many late night conversations w/planning out their escape, making promises of "we wont turn out like them," turn out like this. this delinquent who failed guard training twice. what happened to cute agreeable citrine? what happened to the citrine that excelled at everything she did? what happened to teamwork? where did her sister go?

but it was spinel's fault citrine turned out this way. citrine is so incredibly aware of everything that happens around her much 2 her detriment. she cant really understand how 2 fix the situation she's in.

she's trapped. forever dependent on someone who is just as bad as her parents and no wonder, they come from the same blood. but so does she. does that make her a monster too? she caught her younger sister w/one of her e-cigs once and after ripping it away and yelling at her, demanding 2 know why she had done this, her sister through choked sobs said, "i just want to be like you!" but citrine doesnt even want to be like herself. shes a monster. she just yelled at her kid sister and made her cry shes a monster. why would anyone ever want to be like her shes a mess and shes ugly and disgusting and she smokes and fails at everything and she yelled at her sister and made her cry. what is wrong with me? i am a monster i am a monster i am a monster i am a monster

truly, nothing has changed. the chess pieces have simply been rearranged.