#bet if (s)he had a voice it would sound like rainbow dash

[neeeeeoposts]

KEVEDD YURI KEVEDD YURI we all say in unison except im just now realizing i made kevins hair too dark but im too lazy to change it

[artificialqueens]

Hello, is it tea you’re looking for? (Branjie) - athena2

A/N: Brooke is stressed out over school in the coffee shop where Vanessa works, and Vanessa cheers her up (with extremely awful puns). This is basically just pure fluff I wanted to write for Writ. They’re the absolute best and I just love them, and they deserve this soft fluff. Please leave some feedback if you’d like!

Brooke’s bluebird mug is empty, the berry tea sweet with honey still sticky on her lips, the heading on her word document waiting expectantly for her to fill the page. The blank white screen mocks her, telling her that she’ll fail if she can’t get her paper done by tomorrow, and the normally soothing tea churns around in her stomach while the cafe’s blend of soft pop music hammers nails into her skull.

The cafe is normally one of Brooke’s favorite places. The inside is cozy and comfortable and she often trades smiles with the workers, who know her name and usual order. But even the calming pale blue walls decorated with a rainbow of teacups and the largest collection of 90’s rom-com posters Brooke has ever seen outside a movie theatre weren’t enough to calm the raging tide of finals week.

Whose idea was it to make a final exam and papers due for five different classes, in the same week–

The rattle of a tiny plate snaps her head up. One of the workers–the new one, short with a smile that takes up her whole face and a booming laugh that rings through the cafe–stands next to Brooke’s chair. Brooke’s only talked to her a few times, each time losing her grip of the English language and resorting to communicating with nods and ‘yeahs’ while turning a flaming shade of crimson. The worker slides a giant chocolate chip muffin across the table, the chunks of chocolate soft and melty around the edges, the rich smell reminding Brooke of Saturday morning breakfasts when she was a kid.

“Oh, um, I didn’t order–”

“I know,” the girl–Vanessa, according to the sloppy scrawl on her name tag–replies. “It’s on the house. You look like you could use a muffin.”

Brooke’s face rushes with warmth the way it did after a sip of tea. “Oh. Thank you.”

“It was muffin,” Vanessa says smugly. “Get it? Like nothin’.” She raises a delicate eyebrow, bright white teeth exposed in a grin.

And in spite of herself, in spite of the pile of books and notes taller than a skyscraper next to her and the lack of words on her laptop, Brooke finds a smile spreading across her face.

“You’re funny,” she admits.

Vanessa runs a hand through her brown waves. “I know I am. You just challah if you need anything, okay?”

“As long as you’re not talking about knead like dough,” Brooke replies, her introduction paragraph flying out of her head to make room for Vanessa.

Vanessa points approvingly at Brooke. “I like you, Miss…”

“Brooke.”

“Miss Brooke, then. Just call me Vanessa.”

Brooke nods and turns back to her textbooks, her already-wavering focus fading even faster as she keeps whipping her head around to get glances of Vanessa behind the counter. Brooke watches Vanessa’s tiny arms replace the scones in the display case, watches her pull her long hair up and secure it with a red scrunchie, watches her smile to herself as her apron gets splashed with whipped cream.

Brooke’s face burns when she meets Vanessa’s eyes, and she turns her attention to the muffin instead, still warm, chocolate chips soft and gooey. It’s true that it’s the only real food she’s eaten all day, but Brooke thinks it would still be one of the best muffins she’s had either way.

Focus, Brooke. She gives up on her history paper and instead pulls out her notes from the stupid, mandatory math class she was forced to take, the numbers swirling around and looking like another language. Brooke can handle basic math, but having to know three months’ worth of formulas is making her leg bounce furiously, knee smashing into the table, mug rattling.

This final is almost half her grade, and if she fails, she doubts there’s hope of her passing the class. If she grovels for extra credit she might be able to scrape a C-plus, but Brooke didn’t even like seeing an A-minus, that tiny dash meaning she wasn’t quite good enough for an A.

Brooke forces herself to take a deep breath like her roommate Nina always tells her to do, but it’s not working. She’ll fail, and then everyone will know. She can just imagine the family Christmas dinner: her little cousins teasing her, her nosy grandmother interrogating her, the disappointed furrow of her father’s eyebrows. She usually dodges her family’s rapid-fire personal questions like a superhero dodging bullets, but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to dodge the fact that she failed her first semester of college.

Before she knows it, her eyes are watering, a product of too much stress and not enough sleep. Brooke has always been a crier, shedding tears over everything from sad movie scenes (she still has to look away when Mufasa dies) to leaving her cousin’s house after a sleepover to worries over the part she would get in a ballet performance. She’s reined it in over the years, avoiding the embarrassment and red cheeks that came with crying over everything, and yet here she is, sobbing in the middle of a cafe because of homework.

“Hey, what’s wrong? The muffin wasn’t that bad, was it? This is the first day they let me make ‘em, I don’t want somebody dyin’ on me.”

Brooke looks up through tear-blurred eyes and sees Vanessa next to her, holding out a tissue. She takes it, body hot with embarrassment and something else she can’t identify that this girl she barely knows is not only seeing her cry, but also trying to cheer her up. Brooke wipes her eyes hastily and blinks back every last tear.

“The muffin was really good, actually,” she reassures Vanessa. “I��m just stressed over school stuff.”

“Oh.” Vanessa’s eyes brim with concern. “Anything I can do?”

“I don’t think so. Thank you though.”

Vanessa nods, rubbing her hands together before clapping them. “I bet I can get you to laugh.”

Brooke shrugs. She’s barely smiled–though Vanessa already made her do that too–since finals week started. “You can try.” Brooke finds her posture straightening in response to the challenge she’s posed, and from the cocky sway of Vanessa’s hips as she plops into the red chair across from Brooke, she’s feeling the urge to prove herself.

“Why couldn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because he was stuffed!” Vanessa answers.

“If I could make cricket noises, I would,” Brooke says, but Vanessa doesn’t lose heart.

“What’s a ghost’s favorite muffin?” Vanessa tries.

Brooke shrugs.

“Boo-berry.”

Brooke’s teeth dig into her lip and she shakes her head. Vanessa just nods, smile widening.

“Don’t you worry, Brooke, I got you.” She pauses. “What dinosaur likes to drink tea?” Vanessa asks.

Brooke stares at her blankly.

“A Tea-Rex! Get it?”

Brooke tries to fight it, but a snort reluctantly escapes her lips. “That was awful,” she groans, tossing her napkin at Vanessa.

Vanessa smiles. “I got you to laugh, though.”

“Yeah, you did.”

There’s an awkward beat, and Brooke glimpses her laptop enter sleep mode, telling her that she’s not doing enough, and her face falls.

“You really worry about this school stuff, huh?”

“Yeah,” Brooke admits. She’s always worried too much about school, staying up all night to get the highest grade she could, sacrificing sleep and tying everything to a letter on a report card, giving it more value than she knew she should give it. But she just couldn’t stop it.

Vanessa leans in closer, her fingers brushing against Brooke’s, sending a lightning bolt up Brooke’s arm. “You’re probably sick of the ‘don’t worry’ shit, but just…take a breath. I know it’s hard, but school isn’t everything. I’ve been watching you. You always put a tip in the tip jar, and I know I messed up your coffee last week but you didn’t even say nothing, you just drank it like it was what you wanted. That’s more important than grades.”

They’re words Brooke has heard several times, from her friends, from her cousin, from guidance counselors. But there’s something about Vanessa’s warm eyes, the conviction in her voice, that makes Brooke listen this time. And the fact that Vanessa has noticed her, has thought about her, makes Brooke see past her cloud of stress and doubt, the worries weighing her down suddenly lightening.

“You’re right,” Brooke agrees.

“I know I am,” Vanessa says. She picks at her cherry red nail polish, then says, “So you’ll be going home after finals, right?”

Vanessa sounds oddly sad, and Brooke finds the sadness reaching her reply. “Yeah, but I’ll be back in a month. And I’m sure I’ll have a lot more homework to do here.” She smiles as she says it, eager in the prospect of seeing Vanessa again.

Vanessa brightens up like the sun, bathing the world in its joy. “I got a study tip for ya.” She reaches for one of Brooke’s index cards and her favorite blue pen with the fuzzy pom-pom on top. She scribbles something on the index card and slides it across the table with a blush. “I gotta get back to work. Good luck with school.”

“Thank you.” Brooke meets her eyes and they mirror each other in one last smile, and then Vanessa is back behind the counter.

Brooke peeks at the card and sees a phone number written in that messy, looping handwriting, and she vows that she’ll put that study tip to use tonight.

[16reapergrell66]

Loving a Daydream

Tarek works at The Raven, a cozy little bar nestled in an unfamiliar city. He meets Nomad siblings Wyverne and Mephistopheles as they wander from place to place. Would they ever come back?

My cute Discord group and I bounced ideas off each other in a Modern!AU setting. I was graciously given permission to use @fantasmagorias Tarek and @athousandstarstodreamon Vega, and I have had fun while doing this. I did use Google Translate for Mephisto's Romanian, so if you notice anything off, please don't hesitate! I like feedback, especially on languages I'm not familiar with!

Part I || Part II || Part III

The night life. Not so different from any other city. Bright streetlights and flashes of headlights, buildings with lighted windows as high as the eye could see. Neons winked, blinked occasionally. People wandered the streets, not as much as when the sun was overhead. Drunk laughter and slurred speech, an almost trip here and there.

Wyverne. A nomad, though in this day and age you didn't need to be. She stared out the large glass window, a melancholic look to her eye, her emerald a little dull. She knocked back the rest of her Salty Bitters, the glass set smoothly down on the tabletop. A glance at her phone told her no new messages, not from her Grandmother, not from her disaster of a brother.

Tarek was alone at the bar that night, save for his friend Vega. Simple black, golden embroidery for the bar's logo, hair styled just a tad. Wyverne was his only customer left, and he was starting to grow somewhat concerned. After just five, even the good Doctor Devorak was starting to show signs of being drunk. She was either extremely good at hiding it, or she knew how to hold her alcohol. He walked over to her, a gentle hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her reverie.

"Hey. It's getting pretty late, yeah?" He started to gather the empty highball glasses, getting occasional glances. "Shouldn't you be going home?" She looked at him with owlish eyes, a spark of confusion in her eyes before the words quickly registered.

"Ah, yes, it is quite late," she answered him, a soft accent brushing up against her vowels. "Though, you can save yourself the trouble. I have no place to call home." She quickly gave him the money she owed, tucking a couple thick curls behind her ear. "Keep the change."

She got up from her seat, slinging her backpack over one shoulder. Her sneakers made no noise on dark hardwood, ripped jeans exposing some of her legs to the cool night air, the silver bell announcing her leave.

"That's the second time she's said that, Vega," Tarek said, a hint of frustration in his voice. "Does she not want to go back because its abusive? Does she not want to go back because she's been kicked out?" He brought the glasses behind the bar, giving them a quick wash and dry, his sleeves still rolled past his elbows.

"I don't know, but it worries me," Vega told him, worry creeping into her voice. "Who just says that to a complete stranger!?"

"Let's hope she's found a place by her next visit." The soft clink of glasses could be heard as he put them away, voice slightly muffled by the cold marble countertop. He tossed the towel he used, grabbing a fresh one to use for the next day. Tarek continued the small talk with Vega, finishing his closing for the night.

☆ THE NEXT DAY ☆

It was bright and warm, not a cloud in the sky. The streets were alive, people coming and going and chatting on their phones. Cars honked horns, traffic building in the more busy intersections.

Just outside The Raven, Wyverne was sitting on the edge of the fountain, a cooling bubble tea sitting next to her lap. All around her were children, young and old, watching with utter fascination. Her tribal tattoo, now exposed in the warmth of the day, had started to shimmer. Stark black lines gave way to a rainbow of color, shimmering into view like a pebble dropped in a pool of water. She willed the lines to move, to break apart and snake around her arm. The youngest children shrieked in delight, the older ones murmuring oohs and aahs.

Tarek was outside on his lunch, having glanced up from scrolling through his social media feeds. He saw the gaggle of children, heard their shrieks and oohs, and when he craned his head to see over the tallest children, he had to do a double take. Surely tattoos weren't supposed to shift colors like chameleons and snake around the wearer's arm….right? Sure, anything was possible, he's been around Asra Alnazar long enough to know that. But that was different, something he had never heard of or read.

All too quickly, the illusion faded, the tattoo fading to black and the lines returning to their original form. Wyverne took a drink from her bubble tea, admiring their shocked faces. She held her drink in a cool hand, and held her hand out.

"Want to see something fun?" Wyverne asked, voice hushed so Tarek had to strain to hear. The children nodded eagerly, a chorus of 'yeah!'s ringing out.

Wyverne turned her manicured hand up towards the sky, revealing her scarab beetle tattoo. It softly glowed, too faint to see in daylight, and a pale blue butterfly appeared in her hand. The wings seemed to be made of delicate glass, the sunlight creating patterns on her skin. A soft stroke to its thorax with her right index finger, and she took a breath. The children held theirs,  and with a soft blow to the butterfly's wings it burst. Butterflies burst forth from shattered wings, all variations of color and shape and size. Large cyan butterflies with teardrop wings, small crimson butterflies with fire in their wings. Slightly large emerald ones with leaf-shaped wings.

The butterflies swirled around her,  the breeze from their wings lifting her curls just slightly. And then, all of them started to fly away, landing on tables and benches and curbs. The children chased them, marvelling at how some landed on their noses, their shoulders, their hair. They laughed, touching the wings, watching the butterfly burst into more butterflies. Wyverne watched it all happen, her chin resting in her hand, fingers curled to brush her bottom lip.

Tarek was fascinated. He thought this was just a simple trick of the eye, but when he saw the big teal butterfly land on the back of his hand, he started having different thoughts. He snapped a picture, the butterfly shaking its wings in response to the camera shutter. He set down his phone, and brushed the deep teal thorax with his middle finger lightly, afraid too much pressure would shatter the moment literally. It shivered in response, drops of soft blue splashing against his lightly tanned skin, leaving shimmering wing dust in its wake. All of a sudden, the butterfly burst, a soft ring of brilliant teal the only sign it was ever there.

He looked up, ready questions for the girl he dubbed 'Street Magician.' She was nowhere to be found, as if she herself had been made of the prismatic butterflies. Thoughtfully humming to himself, Tarek got up from his chair, pushing it in. He went inside The Raven, his break having been over ten minutes ago. He sent the picture of the teal butterfly to Vega, reminding himself to tell her what happened later on.

••Later That Night••

"So, wait….you saw the whole thing?" Vega asked, her voice rising with the question. "And you didn't tape it!?" She sounded incredulous, her glass barely touched, so enthralled with the too-good-to-be-true story.

"Look, even if I could, most of my view was blocked," Tarek replied, setting two highball glasses right side up on the counter, edges turned white from salt. "Besides, I didn't want to break the spell." He grabbed the bottle of bitters, and the bottle of rum, pouring each one into the glasses, and adding a dash more salt. He topped it with a bottle of ginger beer, splitting it between the two glasses.

Tarek gave one to Julian, replacing his empty glass. The good natured doc muttered his thanks, still in deep blue scrubs from his shift. His auburn curls haphazardly fell over his right eye, a perpetual state of bedhead even though he usually never saw one. Julian took a small sip, watching Tarek as he maneuvered around patrons, bringing Wyverne her third Salty Bitters.

"Grazie," Wyverne muttered, almost absentmindedly. She had been reading an article, based out of Las Vegas, from a link Azlingua had sent her.

"Wow. You know Italian?" Tarek chuckled, placing her empty glass on his tray and wiping the table down. That startled the redhead, shaking her out of her little world.

"Oh jeez, I'm sorry!" She started to blush, embarrassed at having used the simple phrase in front of him. "I didn't-"

"Hey, that's fair. I bet being polylingual is hard," he said, giving her a soft smile. He touched her shoulder, reassuring, before heading back to the bar.

"She's a girl after my own heart," Julian muttered into his glass, his grey eyes never looking away entirely. "Does she get them every time or…?"

"Ever since she showed up one day, yeah," Tarek told him, washing the empty glasses. "Has, like, eight and walks out the door like she's only had one." He started to buff the glasses dry, glancing at Julian. "She's outstanding with tip though."

"So, do you know anything about her?" Vega asked, taking a sip of her own drink. "She's mysterious, and yet knows the town like she's lived here for ages. Its so strange!"

Tarek just shrugged, any other useful information lost to him. He had tried to pry the first time she showed up, speaking rapid-fire Russian into her phone. She had gotten startled, and had spoken to him in a quiet, defensive tone, like she didn't trust him enough. It was fair on her part, a random stranger coming up to her and asking her questions she most likely didn't have the answer to anymore would be very suspicious.

"On another topic, when was the last time you slept, Doc?" Tarek asked Julian, a hand on his hip, with his other against the lip of dark grey marble. "Your bags looks like they could swallow. you. alive."

"I slept!" Julian protested, a smirk on his lips. "Uh-huh, when?" Vega pried, an unamused look on her face. 

"Uh…..hmm...well…" Julian muttered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. The man usually had coffee instead of actual blood at times, his job usually not allowing it, though he generally refused on a regular basis.

Tarek rolled his eyes in amusement, softly shaking his head. Julian just smiled sheepishly, glancing into his drink, hand reflexively rubbing the back of his neck. Tarek had started to make another drink for a customer when his hands stopped moving, eyes wide and the teal there showing signs of more curiosity.

Mephistopheles. Another nomad by design, quirky self-defense teacher in multiple countries and cities. Ice blue eyes roamed the bar scene, scanning for his sister's classic messy curls. He found her, and with a quiet smirk walked over to her, sneakers barely a whisper on the dark hardwood.

"Ei bine, dacă nu e micul Verne," he said softly, in native Romanian tongue, chuckling at the hard glare she gave. "Nu fi așa, micuț sis." He had set his bag beside him, chin resting in his cupped hand.

He started talking to her in a low voice, with the others just barely making out any words at all. Tarek had just starting pouring for the martini he was making when a sudden burst of sharp laughter came from him. Tarek stopped pouring, turning to face the two in the back, Vega eyeing with some interest as Julian took a call from Mazelinka.

"Într-adevăr?  Asta e tot ce îți faci griji?" Mephisto reached across the table, holding her shaking hands. "Wy, its okay to relax. You need to let go, and have fun while you're here." He brushed a tear from her cheek, and slowly got up. She got up with him, knocking back the rest of her drink, leaving her money underneath the thick glass before leaving.

☆ ONE WEEK LATER ☆

"Did you seriously start crushing on him?" Vega had stopped by, running errands before opening her shop a couple streets over. She had walked with Tarek over to The Raven, since he had forgotten something last night.

"Uh...no? Why do you think that?" Tarek had a soft blush, barely there against tanned skin. He had dressed casually this morning, not opening till later in the day. Soft blues and worn denim, ragged sneakers looking like hell.

"You won't stop gushing about him! How his hair looked, his eye color, his outfit," she listed, tapping her fingers. "If I didn't know you better, Mister, I'd say you have more of a crush on this handsome stranger than Asra!"

Tarek sighed, slowly pushing open the door. The door chimed, and he disappeared towards the back, grabbing what he had left behind. As he exited the front of the bar, a small commotion was happening outside. Vega was waving at him excitedly, trying to get him to come out. Confused, but curious, he went to the glass, and nearly had to pick up his jaw from the floor.

Mephistopheles was outside, shirt off in the warmth of the sun. His hair was back, out of his face in a ponytail, icy eyes narrow in concentration. His hands were defensive, legs shoulder width apart. Wyverne was a few feet away from him, magic projectiles in front of her in shimmering pastels. She launched another volley, his body moving as if there were no bones in him. Every muscle flexed, tensed when they came too close. He deflected with ease, twisting and bending low to avoid the ones over his head. He finished off the volley with a particularly high kick, almost a full standing split.

Tarek's breath was stuck. His face was too warm, his heart was too fast. There was a certain warmth that spread through him, trying to gather at the base of his spine. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. He seemed to curse himself in his thoughts, trying to shake them off. No, he couldn't have those thoughts. He had work later, there was no way he was doing this. Tarek walked outside, trying to get his face to stop feeling so warm.

"Wow! Is that a type of self defense!?" Vega whispered to him, awe in her eyes. She glanced at Tarek, smirking at how red his cheeks were. "Aw, what's the matter? Getting a little heated?" She teased him, poking his cheek.

Mephistopheles had another volley, this one a pastel pink, close together at various points. He ran up to the volley, a sword appearing at his side. With a nimble grace he unsheathed it, the sword loose in his right hand. As the targets met him, the sword sang through the air. With clashes of blue steel the targets were cleaved, his body swaying and twisting. His biceps flexed, his shoulders meeting together with an overhand blow. His breath came a little faster, sculpted muscle rising and falling, his sword a hair's breadth from Wyverne's shoulder, a smirk on his face.

"Good run, strigoi," Wyverne giggled, gently pushing the blade away from her shoulder. A snap of her fingers and the multicolored chunks vanished, fizzing out like a hologram.

Mephisto smirked, a canine gleaming in the sunlight. He glanced at Tarek, taking his hair out of the ponytail, winking at him. He sheathed the sword, taking his water bottle and pouring a mouthful into his mouth, pouring some more over his body to cool off. His right arm showed the tribal tattoos, lines thick and thin, wrapping themselves around his arm. The black had lightened slightly, looking more like a very dark grey than true black. He grabbed his shirt and slipped it on, the words 'MY FIRST LANGUAGE IS SARCASM' printed in bright, bold teal spraypaint.

Tarek blushed more, clearing his throat and giving him a small wave before hastily walking around the corner. Vega laughed, following Tarek, her keys jingling at her side. Tarek was slumped on the ground, hands barely covering his face, lip caught between his teeth. Vega casually leaned against the wall, shoulders shaking with contained laughter.

"So, uh, shall we consult the almighty magic eight ball?" Vega jingled her keys, holding it by the circular clasp. "Vega, shut up," Tarek grumbled, peeking out of his fingers to glance up at her. 

"Hehe. Does Tarek have a crush on Mr. Tall, Blond, and Handsome?" She jingled the keys, the eight ball bouncing around. She tossed the keys into the air, catching the ball and turning it right side up. The ball simply read, 'more likely than you think.'

"Oh, for pete's sake," Tarek chuckled, shoulders shaking. "You have the divination skills of a Goddess, yet you rely on a toy eight ball?"

"Oh come on, its for fun." She held out her hand, and he gratefully took it. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, and followed her to the shop, hoping seeing Asra could clear his mind. He had to work in a few hours.

••Later On••

Mephistopheles was sitting at the bar, nursing his cocktail. His hair splayed over his shoulder, a decent tshirt, the letters spelling out 'YES I'M SMOKING' in a deep teal. Dark denim, slightly worn at the knees, his sneakers relatively fresh. An assortment of rings were on his fingers, borrowed from Wyverne.

He quickly tapped something out in a message to Azlingua, chuckling softly as he downed the rest of his drink. Tarek gave him a refill, dressed in the bar's signature black, trying to not blush as their fingers brushed. Mephisto's hand was surprisingly cool comparatively, and the blond glanced up at Tarek, giving the softest smile he could muster.

"So, you're an angel, huh?" Mephisto had this voice, this voice that could lure you in with caramel notes from his Romanian accent. It caught Tarek off guard, the question phrased weird. 

"Well, I could be. Why do you ask?" Tarek decided to play along, leaning on the bar, chin cupped in his hand. His teal eyes shone with amusement, a soft blush from being so warm working on his cheeks.

"Because I think you're….. no, wait!" Mephisto blushed furiously, hiding his face, a low groan in his throat. "Ughhhhh I fucked up…" He slumped onto the bar, face buried in his arms.

Tarek laughed, bright and clear. He tried to cover his mouth, to stifle his snickering. Mephisto blushed further, his ears reddening. Gods, this man in front of him was just too cute.

"Gods, I'm sorry," he said, wiping away a tear, swallowing back his giggles. "Its just…," and here he struggled for a second or two, "I find you adorable. And attractive." He mumbled the last bit under his breath, laughing and turning redder.

Across the way, tucked in a booth, Vega was watching with mild interest. Her chin was sitting eagerly in cupped hands, lip caught between her teeth. Asra had chuckled with mild interest when he heard Tarek laugh. Julian just rolled his eyes, taking a drink from his glass.

"Gods, and I thought we were disasters around Asra. That stranger is such a mess!" Vega had a laugh, clutching Julian's shoulder, taking a drink from her glass.

"Oh, like you're one to talk," Julian told her, glancing at her through auburn curls. "I distinctly remember someone being a total mess when Asra flirted with them." She smacked his bicep, making him laugh, her cheeks a bright apple red.

"So, uh, what's your name?" Tarek had given Mephisto a smirk, eyes wandering the angular features. "My name is Tarek."

"Tarek. Lovely name," he said softly, meeting his gaze. "My name is Mephistopheles. Named after the demon, lived up to my name." He chuckled, his accent making the two names lovelier.

Wyverne chose this moment to walk past,  heading for her usual seat. She had watched, shaking her head at Mephisto's poor attempt at flirting. Her hair was in a half ponytail, her outfit simple and plain. Her sandals on the hardwood were lost among the laughter and jests and oohs. She wore her piercings, mismatching the studs on purpose. When Mephisto's arm was within range of her hand, she smacked him. True to his dramatic nature, he clutched his arm in mock horror.

"Sis! Why would you do that!?" Mephisto dramatically touched the back of his hand to his forehead, his face scrunched in mock pain. "I'm too fragile!" Wyverne shook her head, rolling her eyes as hard as she could. She gave him her best 'whatever' look, the corner of her lips curved into a smile. 

Tarek shook his head. Dramatic and an adorable hunk? What could make this man even more attractive was beyond him as he set about making a drink. He got out a chilled martini glass and rimmed it with colorful teal salt. Taking out a few different liquors, he filled his chilled steel cocktail strainer with ice and started a simple dance with the bottles. Tarek twirled two of them like simple pens, letting them dance around his fingers before sending them tumbling end over end into the air. He sent the third up over his shoulder, spinning around, rocked back on his heels as he snatched the first two out of the air. The first two were poured into the strainer, the cap closed and the container shaken, the third bottle spinning around his finger. He poured the contents into the glass, slightly frosting the outside with the cold, the third bottle poured last, the blue curacao creating a rim of blue against the stark clearness of the remainder of the drink. Tarek slid it across the bar to the waiting patron, and started to put liquors away.

Mephisto had been watching, unable to tear his eyes away. The smooth fluidity of Tarek's movements caused a flush of warmth to rise to his cheeks, to spread through his limbs and gently gather at the base of his spine. Tarek caught his eye, and winked at him, tongue caught between his teeth as he popped open two bottles of dark lager beer.

Vega and Julian had witnessed the whole thing, barely containing their snickers. They were completely made for each other, even if Tarek had gotten smoother over the years. Asra was pressing his lips together, edges curled into a smile, trying to not laugh with Vega. All of them silently rooted for Tarek, Asra hoping for the teasing to be cut down, even though he didn't particularly mind it.

☆ ONE MONTH LATER ☆

Tarek was just outside The Raven, scrolling through. He had been trying to learn the languages he had heard Mephistopheles use with his sister, and gotten as far as basic communications. He was just about to start another lesson on one of his apps when he heard a crinkle of tissue paper, the soft scoot of the chair on concrete.

Mephistopheles was sitting across from him, a little more nervous than usual. His long legs were crossed under the table, a soft blush on his cheeks, fingers idly twisting his hair. C'mon Mephi, it's not hard!

"H-Hey, Tarek," Mephisto said, clearing his throat, a nervous tremble. "Look, I have something to say."

"What is it?" Tarek slid his phone off to the side, propping elbows on the glass top. His fingers were laced, chin resting on them, eyes shining. "You can tell me. Is it about your sister?"

"Yeah, a little," Mephisto muttered, clearing his throat again. Gods, why is this so hard!?

"The reason you haven't seen my sister is….well….she's been running. I don't remember from who," LIAR, "but she couldn't stay. She felt that she was gonna be caught. And...well…" He rubbed the back of his neck, a deep shuddering breath, his head tilted down so his chin met his chest. It felt painfully tight, he didn't know why.

"Hey, hey, hey. Its ok, take your time," Tarek reach out, touching Mephi's bicep. He rubbed his thumb across it, his teal eyes full of worry. Whatever this was, he was badly shaken. 

"I….I have to follow. I can't stay," Mephisto looked on the verge of tears, his ice welling up. "I would love to…..to see where this goes. But I have to make sure she's ok." He furiously wiped at his eyes, rubbing his hand on worn denim. "Fuck, I promised I wouldn't cry."

Tarek felt devastated. Little Street Magician left? That's why she wasn't around? He quickly went around to Mephi, an arm around his shoulders. He wanted to comfort, but how? It was all just vague information, probably for a good reason, but it was so vague.

Mephisto took out a felt tip pen and uncapped it. Wiping a stray tear that had managed to fall, he wrote down his number, writing his name in elegant script.  He recapped the pen, stowing it in his pocket, grabbing the flowers he brought. He placed them in Tarek's lap, a gorgeous array of blues dotted with white.

"Te iubesc," Mephisto muttered softly, a soft kiss on Tarek's cheek. He got up, his fingers trailing under Tarek's chin as he left, leaving him in awe.

Tarek shook his head, trying to not let a tear fall down his cheek. He picked up the flowers, touching the petals like they would shatter if he pressed too hard. Carnations tipped with teals and blues, roses in blues from light to dark and each color in between. Baby's breath scattered itself throughout, accented with lily of the valley. He brought the bouquet to his nose, the flowers smelling delicate, mixing with the lingering scent of Mephisto's cologne. He whispered his love into the flowers, getting up and texting Vega that he was bringing over flowers after, and added Mephisto into his contact list.

[imagines-never-die]

Hello! I'd request a scenario where Soldier, Mccree and Mei (the most "scarred" characters imo) meet (one by one) a young, naive looking Water Nymph in a lake, where she tries to befriend them, maybe seduce them, and then ask to end her loneliness by bringing them to "her world" through a leap of faith: drowing in the water. If they accept or not, and how things end up going, I'll leave it to your creativity. (Bonus points if the Nymph also knows of the current loneliness of the protagonist)

(I added a break since this was gonna be long)

Soldier: 76

He had never noticed such a pretty girl sitting out by the lake before. The most he usually saw were herons and turtles, but never a naked girl with long hair reaching down past her bottom. Jack questioned if he should approach her, maybe ask if she was lost or needed help. After all, it wasn’t entirely warm out, and she must have been cold. Letting his chivalrous side win over, he trudged over to the lake where the girl was.

Before he even got to the water’s edge, she turned and smiled sweetly, “Hello, Soldier.”

Jack figured she had heard the rumors about Soldier: 76, and recognized him.

“What are you doing out here in the nude?” he asked bluntly.

“I live here, silly,” she gave a bubbly giggle, “Besides, I don’t need petty clothes.”

“You’ll catch your death otherwise,”

She laughed again, “I don’t get sick, Soldier. I’m above that.”

“Quit being so vague,” he grunted, “How did you get out here wearing nothing?”

“I told you, Soldier,” she said, pulling her hair back to reveal a set of gills on her neck, “I live here.”

The gills caught Jack off guard, making him flinch back a little. He wasn’t one to believe in superstition, so maybe it was just a makeup trick…

“As I said, Soldier,” she purred, “I live here. I’m a water nymph, or naiad if you will.”

“You’re crazy is what you are,” he sighed, grabbing her by the arm, “Come on, I can’t leave you out here.”

“You’re no fun!” she laughed, pulling back and getting him to sit beside the water’s edge with her, “Why is it that you’re so grumpy all the time.”

“Because you’re not listening to me,” he growled impatiently.

“Because you’re sad, Soldier,” she cooed sweetly, running a slender finger across his collar bone which Jack quickly swatted away, “You miss those old days soooo much.”

“What are you talking about?”

There was no way this loony could know…

“You lost everything, and now you’re all by your lonesome with nobody but your own reflection to keep you company,” he mumbled sadly.

It was…pathetically true. This was the first conversation Jack had had with anyone in weeks. Life as a vigilante kept him very removed.

“But I know how you feel,” the girl sighed wistfully, “My fellow sisters framed me for a murder and kicked me out of our tributary. Now I live alone in this lake and talk to my own reflection in the water…”

She turned to the lake, looking at her rippling reflection staring back at her, “But sometimes not even my reflection wants to talk to me,”

Morrison couldn’t help but feel a little bit of empathy for her. Whether she was crazy or not, she still sounded like she had been genuinely lonesome and ostracized. As far as he knew, not many came by this lake, so she would have been as solitary as she said.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way for us, Soldier.” she whispered, turning back to him.

Gently, she reached a webbed hand up to his face. He didn’t react, still too lost in thought to really notice or care. Her cold, wet hand wrapped around his visor and slowly pulled it off, revealing the sullen face of a broken man. Then she stroked his warm, gristly face.

“We can stay together and never be lonely again,” she promised with her melodic voice, “Come into my world, and you’ll never be so sad.”

His eyes locked with hers, and for a moment, he felt all his thoughts melt away into nothing. Suddenly all she had said seemed to make a lot of sense for some reason. The nymph began sliding back into the water, leading Jack by the hand, and for a moment, he began to lean towards the water. But the soldier’s resolve was too strong to be entranced for long. He suddenly pulled away, scrambling for his visor and snapping it back into place.

“Soldier…” she tried to stop him.

“You really are crazy,” he huffed, standing up and shaking his head, “I don’t need some self-proclaimed mermaid.”

“M-Mermaid?!” she felt insulted when people mixed her up for that, “Wait! Soldier, please!”

But Jack just kept walking. He knew he was alone in this world, and no “naiad’ was going to change that.

Mei

Adjusting to her new life in the present was difficult for Mei. So much had changed, so many of her friends and family had changed…or died. And it had all happened while she slept the years away in an icy prison. It didn’t help that she was the only survivor from that incident. Why her out of all the brilliant minds at that eco point? On days she was especially gloomy, Mei would go down to the river to mull things over on the the pebbly shores.

But one day as she came out of the woods and onto the water’s edge, she spotted someone in her usual spot. On a big rock laid a short girl with long, long hair and–well, that was it. She wasn’t wearing anything notable; nothing in fact. Sure it was a nice day for sunbathing, but doing it naked out in the open? It seemed a little too bold to Mei. She thought of just pretending the girl wasn’t there and went to the edge of the water, slipping off her shoes to feel the cool ripples.

But then the girl looked over from her spot and gave her a smile. Out of politeness, Mei smiled back and gave a timid wave back.

“Hi!” the girl chirped.

“Hi…” Mei said shyly back.

She wondered if she should ask, so eventually she did, “Why are you out here naked?”

“Enjoying the weather,” the girl shrugged.

“But…like that?” Mei asked tactfully.

“Of course. This is my river after all,” the girl shrugged.

“Your…river?”

“Yes, I’m one of the couple water spirits that rules this river,’ she replied simply.

That made Mei giggle. A water spirit? It was such a funny notion, but it had such a humorous tone that she decided to play along.

“A water spirit?”

“Indeed. I am a water nymph,” the nymph nodded.

“Ok then,” Mei chuckled along.

Sliding off the rock, the girl approached, her wet hair swaying from side to side. Mei tried to avert her gaze elsewhere.

“What’s your name?” the girl asked.

“M-Mei,” Mei blushed a little.

“I am Selena,” the nymph introduced herself, “Why are you out here, and why did you look so sad earlier?”

“Oh, uh…” Mei mumbled before taking a seat by the river, hugging her knees to her chest, “I just…I just get lonely sometimes. I mean, I haven’t been around people for years, so it’s difficult to adjust. What do people talk about these days?”

“Well I certainly wouldn’t know,” the girl took a seat next to her, “I rarely talk to humans,”

Mei sighed, looking somberly out at the water, “I wish I was a nymph like you, Selena. I bet life is all sunshine and rainbow fish…”

“Actually it’s not,” the nymph sighed as well, “I get lonely sometimes, too. Like one of my bestest sisters in this whole river just got banished! My sisters said she did something unforgivable, but I just can’t believe it,”

“I’m sorry…” Mei mumbled, placing a hand on Selena’s shoulder.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, watching the river float by as they thought about their troubles. Suddenly, Selena perked up and hopped up from the shore.

“But it doesn’t have to be so lonely for us!” she grinned, “We can hang out together in my world, today!”

With that, she held out a hand that looked vaguely webbed to Mei.

Giving her a curious look, Mei echoed, “Your world?”

“Yeah! The river! Let’s go for a swim, Mei! Let’s hang out! I’ll be your friend, I promise!” Selena spouted excitedly.

Her first friend back in the present: a strange girl who called herself a water nymph. It was a strange start, but a start nonetheless.

“Urm…ok,” Mei got up and took off her shit to reveal a sports bra.

Carefully taking Selena’s hand, she let her lead them out into the water, wading further and further into the deep end. At first, Mei was happy to finally have a good day for once. But then Selena’s grip around her hand suddenly grew tighter and she began to walk faster and faster until they were waist deep in the water. Now Mei knew something was off.

“Selena, that kind of hurts,” she called out, but Selena didn’t answer.

“S-Selena!” she tried again.

This time when the nymph didn’t answer, Mei tried to pull away from her grasp only to get some surprisingly strong resistance from the girl. Now the two were struggling against each other as Selena tried to pull her deeper and Mei tried to go back to shore.

“C’mooon, Mei!” Selena turned to her with a scary grin, “We’re almost to my world!”

“i-I think th-this is deep enough,” Mei tried to reason.

“Come ON!” Selena gave one last tug, knocking Mei off her feet and sending her under the water.

Mei immediately felt Selena wrap her arms around her, keeping her from going back to the surface. She had no idea why her new friend was trying to hurt her, but she knew she had to get away! After a sufficient struggle, Mei began to run out of air, letting the rest of it out in a muffled, underwater scream. Amidst her scream, she finally got loose enough to slam a kick right into Selena’s face!

That got the nymph off her, so she made a mad dash for the shore, sending water splashing all around her. When she finally made it, she collapsed onto the rocks, gasping for breath and shaking all over. When she got her bearings around her, she looked back out to the river to see Selena’s peaking out at her from above the waves. She had a bloody nose and a black eye, although her blood appeared to be black. Selena looked hurt both emotionally and physically, and poor Mei couldn’t help but feel bad, even if she had just been nearly drowned. Giving her an apologetic look, Mei ran from the shore and back home.

McCree

Jesse wasn’t sure why a pretty young lady would be sitting naked by a pond by herself, but he wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth. If this was what fate handed him, he certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Yer gonna catch a cold ya know,” was his opening line as he dropped his serape around her shoulders.

The girl blinked in surprise, feeling the smoothness of the fabric and wrapping it around herself. She gave Jesse a curious look as he sat next to her, stretching out his legs to dangle over the water.

“That’s one of the kinder reactions I’ve gotten,” the girl smiled.

“Oh yeah?” he tipped his hat, “Other men don’t know how to treat a lady sitting by a pond in her birthday suit?”

“Heeheehee!” the girl laughed, wrapping the serape around her tighter.

“Most try to scare me away of call me names,” she sighed.

“Doesn’t seem right,” he said.

“It’s not. People don’t know how to treat water nymphs these days,” she sighed.

A confused look crossed Jesse’s face as he turned to her and repeated, “Water what now?”

“A water nymph,” she clarified, “Spirits of springs, naiads. Thins like that,”

The cowboy chuckled and shook his head, “Forgive me if I don’t believe in fairytales, missy, but I suppose you can pretend to be whatever you want,”

“It’s not pretend,” she made a mock pout and crossed her arms.

As McCree pulled out a cigar to smoke, the nymph watched him carefully. It was so rare to see a human smoke so up close. Naiads never smoked simply because, well, they lived in water.

“Why did you come out here?” she asked, “Hardly anyone comes out to this pond,”

“Ah, I just,” McCree scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “Just come out here to clear my head sometimes,”

She looked at him closely again with big, ocean-colored eyes, “What’s on your mind?”

“Just, uh, life stuff,” he mumbled.

The nymph smirked and leaned in close, “Penny for your thoughts, I believe is the human expression?”

Jesse couldn’t help but let his eyes linger to her chest for a moment. Then he grumbled something inaudible as he looked away and considered telling her.

“I’m just one, little, isolated spirit. I won’t tell anyone, I promise,” she cooed sweetly.

“I’ve left so many people in my life,” he exhaled, “First my friends in Deadlock, then my own comrades in the war. Now I roam by myself trying to do good…but even then I’m still considered an outlaw. No matter how hard I try, it’s like I can’t shake my past,”

The girl’s expression slowly dropped as she leaned away from him again, twiddling her thumbs in thought.

“I know how you feel,” she said weakly, “I had to leave my sisters behind. One of them was going to kill me, so I had to run away. Now I feel guilty for leaving the others. They must think I’m dead…”

She noticed the way he looked over at her in pity, so she shook her head, “Oh now I’ve distracted you from your own problems. I didn’t mean to belittle your own life,”

“No, it’s fine,” McCree answered softly, “Have you ever thought about going back?”

“No…what if Melody is still there–I mean, the one who was trying to hurt me?” she mumbled, “And I might just make things worse. I’m better off dead to them.”

But no matter how hurt the little naiad was, she still couldn’t deny her instincts. Her instincts which told her to lure her prey.

“…But you don’t want me dead, do you?” she looked up at Jesse with pleading eyes.

Trying to keep himself from getting too excited by a naked girl looking at him with adorable bedroom eyes, McCree cleared his throat and looked the other way in embarrassment.

“Um…I mean I’ve known ya for a few minutes, but I guess I can’t say I’d want you dead,” he sputtered, “Don’t know anyone who would want a pretty lady like you dead.

“And I wouldn’t want you to leave behind,” she said in a sing-song voice, “But even if you did, I’d forgive you. I’d never forget you~”

“C’mon, don’t say–” McCree started to say, turning back to the girl. 

But he found she had moved a lot closer to him now, her damp skin right up against his flannel shirt. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes. Fuck, this girl was going to be the end of him. She slowly started to lean closer to him until her lips were inches from his. Then she waited for him to meet her halfway, which he gladly did.

They kissed for a second before the nymph tried to deepen the kiss, begging for entrance to his mouth.

But McCree couldn’t help but pull  back a little and whisper, “Darlin’, I don’t even know your name,”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s Persephone, you dummy,” she smiled and pressed her lips to his again.

But no matter how many times she tried to French it with him, something kept holding him back from parting his lips! How was she supposed to get the toxins in his system if he didn’t open his mouth!? Growing impatient, she began to lower herself into the pond, trying to lead him along with her.

“Wait, where ya goin’?” he asked.

“I’m a water nymph, remember?” she smiled mischievously, “It’ll be better in the water.”

Now Jesse knew things were going too far.

Taking off his hat to fan himself and running a hand through his hair, he stammered, “Heh, I–uh–think we should get you dry first. Maybe some clothes.”

Seeing her hurt expression he quickly added, “Yer a nice girl, don’t get me wrong, just that…I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you is all,”

“But you’re not,” she whined, holding out a hand to him, “I’m offering myself, so help yourself,”

Jesse stared at her slightly webbed hand for a few moments, clearly thinking it over. Then he darted his hand out and took hers, but rather than let her pull him in, he yanked her out of the pond with an immense force. She squeaked out of surprise, especially when he scooped her up in his arms.

“W…What are you doing, human?!” she protested.

“Gettin’ you some dinner and somethin’ suitable to wear,” he said casually, heading off back to his ranch.

“You will not!” she squealed, “I want to be in my pond!”

“You said you’re a naiad? So you like fish? I got some sardines back at home,” he chuckled.

Persephone couldn’t help but feel her tummy growl. It was clear this human wasn’t worth the trouble of trying to eat…so maybe some little pickled fish would be worth it.

(*DIES* THAT TOOK FOREVER :O)

[rantsaboutponies]

Season 8 Retrospective

This... Okay, Season 8’s final W-L-T score was 0-11-15, which means that, quantitatively, it should have been the worst season yet. But...I dunno, this season just kind of...came and went. It might partially have to do with the fact that this is the eighth season of a show that should have ended with Season 3, but I think there’s a bigger factor at play here. Yes, it’s that most baffling of poor decisions, the School of Friendship!

I still cannot figure out why they thought this was such a good idea to build the entire season around. Maybe the voice actors for the Mane 6 are trying to move on from the show and are minimizing their future commitments? If it’s just trying to sell toys of the New Mane 6, they wouldn’t need to focus on them so heavily (people will buy figurines of background characters, for god’s sake), but phasing out the original Mane 6′s toyline also seems like a dumb idea. I think it’s just that corporations still haven’t gotten over the collective concept that they all seemed to have in the 1980s that kids love school and will watch anything set at a school. You know which cartoons I watched the least (or just flat out never watched) as a kid? Recess! Teacher’s Pet! Braceface! You know, the ones that spent a large chunk of time at school! School is by far the least interesting part of any child’s life! If the characters were school-age, you maybe showed a scene or two an episode just to establish that, but that’s it! A good example is Kim Possible; sure, she went to school every episode, but the majority of each episode was all the spy shit. Because no duh! (For the record, as a kid, I was also incredibly bored by any show that was just about kids doing normal shit all the time, school-related or otherwise: Doug, Rocket Power, The Weekenders, Hey Arnold!, Pepper Ann, As Told by Ginger, every single live-action laugh-track Disney sitcom...come to think of it, is that all that late-’90s to early-2000s Disney Channel and Nickelodeon shows were? Jesus Christ, I miss when Cartoon Network was fun.)

Anyway, I don’t know what kids watch these days. Maybe they don’t even watch this show; I have no idea. I haven’t kept up. Why am I even still talking about this? On with the list!

#1. “Road to Friendship”: Like I said, this one was the closest to “good” we got this season. Starlight and Trixie tend to have good dialogue together, and this was no exception. Did anyone notice that Starlight was barely in this season at all, though? They really need to deal with their constant problem of adding characters to the main cast and then not knowing what to do with them in future episodes.

#2. “Sounds of Silence”: If not for Autumn Blaze being so goddamn annoying (and the moral being fairly lame), this episode might have been better. At least I now know why I’ve been seeing kirin fanart for a few months now.

#3. “What Lies Beneath”: This was probably the only halfway decent episode involving the New Mane 6 because it actually gave us a bit of insight into their characters besides “like the Mane 6, but children”. The Tree of Harmony’s way of thinking is still super fucked-up, though.

#4. “Molt Down”: Puberty episode? Sure, why not. Still better than Big Mouth.

#5. “Father Knows Beast”: This one goes right next to the other Spike one because, like all Spike episodes, it really left little to no impact. The fact that Spike is still being written to be dumb enough to fall for some random dragon showing up and saying that he’s his father is pretty grating, though.

#6. “The Break Up Break Down”: Miscommunication storylines annoy the shit out of me, especially since Modern Family became 90% “I heard a thing and I’m going to assume the worst instead of just confirming it with the person I heard it from” episodes. At least Discord finally got a couple funny lines again.

#7. “Non-Compete Clause”: I don’t know why Applejack and Rainbow Dash thought a rehash of “Fall Weather Friends” would be a good idea if they mixed in a bit of child endangerment. Thank god the kids turned out to be smarter than them.

#8. “A Rockhoof and a Hard Place”: Still hard to believe they couldn’t find Rockhoof any digging or demolition jobs anywhere in Equestria. I do like that the ending basically acknowledged that they still don’t know exactly what the point of making Twilight a princess was or what she even does anymore.

#9 & #10. “School Daze”: I was technically right. Neighsay did return to be a villain in the season finale; he just wasn’t the real villain. The fact that they could have arrived at the solution at any time and just chose not to was really annoying. Remember, kids love storylines about legal loopholes and technicalities!

#11 & #12. “School Raze”: Yet another episode that required everyone involved to be as stupid as possible to get the plot going. Nothing like going with your first assumptions and ignoring all evidence to the contrary, eh, Twilight?

#13: “Marks for Effort”: This was just dumb. Twilight wouldn’t let the CMC into the school because they already knew enough about friendship? Yeah, sure. If anything, the episode proved just the opposite. Cozy Glow intentionally failed the test because she thought it would get them in? Uh-huh. Given her secret ultimate evil goal was to make everyone friends with her, I can only assume that she did in fact think that that plan would work, since getting them kicked out definitely wouldn’t endear her to them.

#14. “The End in Friend”: I don’t think this episode accomplished what it was attempting to. No, Rarity and Rainbow Dash don’t have anything in common. No, they don’t have to hang out together if they don’t have any activities they both enjoy. No, that doesn’t make them enemies, nor does it mean they can’t still hang out with their other friends. Sheesh.

#15. “The Washouts”: More child endangerment! Why a dangerous stunt team was able to hire Scootaloo I still don’t know, but apparently no one in the audience had a problem with that. If the lesson was to teach children not to be so fickle about picking their role models, that’s probably a good idea.

I’m not sure there’s all that much difference between these two parts of the list, but whatever.

#16. “Fake It ‘Til You Make It”: Seriously, though, Fluttershy’s only mistake was not telling those raccoons ahead of time that she was going to be using different personae. It was working!

#17. “Grannies Gone Wild”: This episode beat out Book Club by a whole month for its message of, “Old people are people too!” The Wonderbolts are assholes, Applejack is an asshole, and everypony loses! Hooray!

#18. “The Mean 6”: At least Chrysalis was still kind of intimidating in “To Where and Back Again”. This episode just made her look like a joke who had no clue what she was doing (more than “A Canterlot Wedding” already did, I mean).

#19. “The Parent Map”: Remember “Parental Glideance”? That was last year’s, “God, my parents are so embarrassing!” episode. This is this year’s. Joy.

#20. “Friendship University”: Someone was confused that I complained about Twilight apparently hating competition, even though she was trying to shut down the Friendship University because she clearly knew that Flim and Flam were untrustworthy. This person apparently missed the fact that Twilight was upset that somepony was opening a competing friendship school BEFORE she found out it was Flim and Flam who were running it, and she in fact went to the Friendship University specifically to find something wrong with it. That’s the part I was objecting to: the fact that Twilight is still so neurotic that she can’t handle not being in control of everything. In fact, that raises an interesting point. Has there ever been an episode where Twilight has had to learn the lesson of, “Other people are capable of things, too. Not everything has to be run by you first”? It certainly wasn’t this one.

#21. “Surf and/or Turf”: Hey, another episode where the conflict made no sense! And, as an added bonus, another one where just talking to the other people involved would have resolved it instantly! Huzzah! Old El Paso managed to make “Why not both?” the lesson of a 30-second commercial. I don’t know why this took so much longer.

#22. “Horse Play”: COM-MU-NI-CA-TION. “You’re a bad actress. You can have a surprise cameo at the end of our play to make the crowd happy, but that’s it.” Jesus.

#23. “The Hearth’s Warming Club”: What exactly was the message of this episode? “Don’t lie”? No, because they never told Twilight the truth; she just happened to be standing behind them when Gallus told the other kids. “Don’t wreck shit”? No, because Gallus never faced any consequences for that. Honestly, the lesson should have been directed at teachers, and it should have been, “Don’t try this shit. It never works; it just pisses everyone off, including you.”

#24. “The Maud Couple”: Worst new character of the season. Hands down. I hope we never see him again, especially if the only way we get more Maud is if he comes along for the ride. What a prick.

#25. “A Matter of Principals”: Speaking of episodes that teach the lesson to the wrong person... Remind me again why Discord wasn’t the one who learned the lesson here? Because he’s unteachable? Because he’s “reformed” and therefore has already learned all the lessons he needs to? Also, this is a rare episode where the characters do actually communicate properly (Starlight does tell Discord to knock his shit off), and they try to pretend they didn’t! Twilight gets mad at Starlight for not talking to Discord, even though she did! You can’t do this, writers! You just can’t!

#26. “Yakity-Sax”: Talk about not knowing what fucking lesson they were trying to teach. You know what? I bet this actually happened. I bet Michael P. and/or Wil Fox were practicing their electric guitar or drums or bagpipes or whatever for days on end at all hours of the night, and all their neighbors called the cops on them. This was their way of sticking it to everyone. “No! You should let me do whatever the hell I want! It doesn’t matter if it disturbs you! Fuck the system! It’s my passion! You can’t stop me from living my dream!”

There’s a holiday special next week, and near as I can figure, it hasn’t been aired in another country ahead of time! We’ll actually get to watch this one together! Yay!