#best husband and dad iktr!!!!

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 168

warnings: nsfw hmh masterlist

Laying in bed, you stare at the ceiling and exhale loudly. Both of your legs feel like they weigh a ton, and you can’t bring yourself to even sit up to check the time. You’re beyond exhausted. Ronan doesn’t sleep too late in the mornings, so you know you should probably get up soon to get her. She isn’t crying yet, so that’s a good sign.

You rub the sleep from your eyes as you sit up a little, and you look over to see that John is already awake and gone, probably getting Ronan up for the morning, so you plop back down and pull the blanket over your head as you try to fall back asleep.

The bedroom door creaks open, and a few moments later, you feel a little baby crawling towards you. You smile as you pull the blanket down, and you laugh when Ronan’s chubby little face lights up when she notices you. Ronan babbles as she crawls faster towards you, and you reach out for her, hugging her in your arms as you kiss her cheek.

“Good morning. How are you feeling?” John whispers as he lays down next to you, reaching over to move your hair away from your face, “Baby?”

“Hmm?” you look up at him and furrow your brow, “What?”

John moves a little closer and places his hand on your waist, “I asked how you’re feeling.”

“Oh,” you take a deep breath and shrug, “Tired. Have you fed her yet?”

The look of concern grows on John’s face as he holds your gaze, “Baby, it’s 11 in the afternoon.”

You sit up a little to check out the time on the clock. Yup, John’s right. 11:24.

“Are you not feeling well?”

Exhaling quietly, you look over at Ronan as she plays with your bracelet, then you look up at John as you tear up, “I’m just so tired.”

“Talk to me, baby.” he whispers, moving closer to you and helping you sit up.

John is always to attentive and tender with you, and he’s being so sweet today that it’s making you feel even more guilty for how you’re feeling. The look on his face is a mixture of sadness and fear, but it’s purely concern for you and your well-being. He’s probably hoping this isn’t another repeat of your postpartum depression.

Ronan crawls down the bed a little, allowing John to move closer to you, and you smile when you see her chewing on one of her new toys you just recently bought her. You look up at John as he watches Ronan with a smile on his face, then you snuggle closer to him as he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Can you talk to me?”

You nod, looking down, “I’m just so tired. I just feel like the past few weeks have caught up with me. I just want to lay in bed all day and sleep, but I can’t. I need to do laundry, I have to clean the house today, I especially need to clean our kitchen. Everything is happening so much.”

John chuckles when you look up at him and pout, and he leans down to kiss your forehead, “Why don’t I bring Ronan to your mom’s house? Let you have the house to yourself today. No cleaning, no laundry, no cooking. Just you relaxing.”

“I don’t want that though.” you say as you sit up and look at him, “I want to be with you.”

“Well, I’ll stay with you.” he says, ruffling your hair, “Momma and daddy day, how does that sound?”

You nod, then you look up at him and smile, “Husband and wife day.”

“Husband and wife day,” John repeats, then he nods, “I like the sound of that.”

Reaching down, you grab Ronan and hold her in your arms as she chews on her toy, and she hands it over to you as if you would like a taste.

“No thanks, bug.” you laugh, kissing her cheek, “Do you want to stay with grandma today?”

Ronan bounces on your lap and babbles loudly, furrowing her brow as she looks at John like she’s having a conversation with him. John chuckles as he reaches over to pinch her cheek, and she giggles loudly, trying to hide in your arms when he tickles her.

It’s not that you don’t enjoy these moments--of course you do! You’re just tired, and you need a day to relax. You know you’re lucky to have John, and you know you’re lucky to be able to just bring your daughter to your mom’s so that you can spend some time with him. You definitely don’t take that for granted.

John leans over to kiss your cheek, then he smiles when you look up at him, “She hasn’t had her first solid of the day, so if you want, I can do that for you.”

“I’ll do it.” you whisper as you look up at John, “I can do it.”

“Okay,” John laughs, putting his hands up in defense, “I just…okay.”

You get off the bed and take Ronan when she reaches out for you, then you walk over to John and put your hand on his stomach to stop him from leaving the room just yet, “We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

John nods as he looks down at you and Ronan, “I…I just need to know you’re okay.”

“I am,” you nod, leaning up to kiss John, “I am, I promise.”

Cupping your face in his hands, John leans down and kisses you tenderly, then he leans over to press a kiss to the top of Ronan’s head. “My girls. I love you both.”

“We love you,” you smile, bouncing Ronan in your arms as she giggles. You look up at John and give him a genuine smile, “I love you, John.”

Ronan wiggles in your arms as you hold John’s gaze for a moment, then she lets out one big cry, usually indicating that she’s hungry or needs a diaper change. You smile at John and touch his arm before you hoist Ronan up on your hip more and head downstairs.

“What are we gonna eat today?” you ask, bouncing her playfully as you walk into the kitchen, “Huh? What do we have in the fridge today?”

Looking into the fridge, you feel relief wash over you when you remember that John had done all of the grocery shopping yesterday, and he made sure to get all of Ronan’s favorites. You walk over to place Ronan in her highchair, then you walk back to the fridge and get out a few things for her.

You crack an egg onto a skillet and smile as you look over at Ronan. She’s the spitting image of John, and her little brown eyes always sparkle in the sunlight. If all of your babies look like John, you’d be totally fine with that.

You scramble up an egg for Ronan, then you place it on a plate to cool off while you peel a nectarine and cut up a banana for her. You look up at Ronan as she smacks her hands against her highchair, and you laugh when she begins to ‘talk’ to Bleu, who is never far from her.

“Ooh, we’re talkative today.” John laughs as he comes into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he walks past. “Ooh, and we’re having some eggs.”

“And a banana and a nectarine.” you say, placing them on her plate before walking over to her. “Here you are, little miss.”

Ronan starts to eat, choosing her banana first like always, and you look over at John and smile. He holds you gaze for a moment, then he walks over and reaches for your hands when he leans back against the counter.

“I already called mom. Told her I’d be over soon with Ronan.” he says as he rubs your back, “And as for you, I got a bath all made up for you.”

You look up at John and jerk your head back slightly, “What?”

“I made you a bath. Go get it before the water gets cold.” John smiles, then he leans down to kiss you. “Go, baby.”

You smile as you kiss John’s cheek, then you walk over and kiss Ronan since you won’t see her until later, “Love you, bug. I’ll see you in a little bit. Make sure to pack her blanket--”

“I will, and her stuffed dino.” John smiles, “I got it all.”

You turn around and smile at John again, then you put your hand over your heart as you back out of the kitchen, “Thank you, baby.”

“No need to thank me.” John says, smiling sweetly as he watches you leave.

As soon as you get into the bathroom, you put your hands over your mouth and gasp when you see the tub full of bubbles and several candles lit around the edge. You immediately pull your pajamas off and crawl into the tub, feeling your muscles relax from the warm water. You close your eyes as you sink further into the tub, and a smile spreads across your face as you finally feel yourself relax.

__

The bath was exactly what you needed to get a start to your day. You stayed in it for quite a while until the water turned cold, then you hopped in the shower to wash your hair. Just as you sit down on the bed to apply some lotion to your legs, you hear the front door open, and moments later, you look over your shoulder to see John standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a small bag in his left hand.

“What’s that?”

John shrugs as he walks over to you, “Just a little something for you.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” you shake your head as he kneels down in front of you, “I wasn’t asking for all this.”

“I know,” he whispers, handing the bag and flowers to you, “I wanted to do this.”

Holding the flowers to your nose, you inhale the scent of the roses, then you set them aside to open the bag. You smile as you pull out a bag of your favorite chocolate, then you let out a small laugh when you pull out a vanilla scented candle.

“Thank you.” you lean forward and cup his face, pressing a kiss to his lips, “You’re the sweetest.”

John moves to sit next to you on the bed, then he shrugs when you look at him, “What do you want to do today?”

“I just wanna be with you.”

“You do?” John asks, almost taken aback by the thought.

Reaching over for John’s hand, you nod and smile, “Yes, I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” he whispers as he cups your face and kisses you. “Oh, I got you some lunch.”

You laugh as you lean back and look at him, “Maybe we need to have husband and wife days more often.”

John chuckles as he gets up from the bed, then he holds your hand as he leads you downstairs to the living room where your food is waiting for you on the coffee table. Your stomach rumbles loudly when you see it’s a sandwich from your favorite deli, and you walk over to start eating.

“So, do you want to watch a movie or something?” John asks just as you take a big bite, and you shake your head and point to the gaming system. “A game? Oh, no, you’re gonna make me play that one game, aren’t you? I’m bad at it!”

Putting your hand over your mouth, you laugh, “You can only get better if you practice.”

“Ugh,” John jokingly groans as he reaches for the controller, then he shakes his head as you happily eat your food. “Only doing this because you’re so cute and sweet today.”

“Today?” you jokingly gasp, “I thought I was cute and sweet every day.”

John laughs as he looks over at you, “You know that you are, but you’re extra cute today.”

John inhales deeply as he looks at the loading screen of the game, and he shakes his head as he chuckles. You scoot closer to him until your legs are touching, then you lean over and move his hair away from his face to get a better look.

Taking a deep breath, John clutches the controller in his hands, unknowingly moving it in the direction he’s trying to make his character run, and you bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.

“Top right, don’t forget.”

“I know, I know!” he says, furrowing his brow as he stares at the TV. “No!”

You grimace, “Well, you’re dead.”

“I got that guy! I got him!” he says, shaking his head and pointing at the TV.

John doesn’t ever really get mad or upset, but every time he tries to play this game, he gets furious. He’s convinced that you changed the settings on it to make it harder, but you definitely didn’t--he’s just bad at it. It’s nice that he’s bad at something.

“How many times am I going to die before you help me out?” he laughs, furrowing his brow again as he plays. He perks up a little when shoots the guy in the top right corner, then he smiles, “Got him. I got that fucker!”

“Good job!” you move to sit behind John on the couch, placing your legs on either side of his waist, then you wrap your arms around him and look at the TV over his shoulder, “Top corner!”

John laughs as he shoots the zombie, then he looks over his shoulder at you, “I did it!”

“Nope,” you shake your head and kneel behind John, reaching over him to take the controller, “Let me do this.”

John watches in awe as you quickly defeat the rest of the bad guys, then he holds his breath a little when he sees the big boss. You raise your eyebrows and hand the controller to him, but he leans back and shakes his head. You defeat the big boss rather quickly, and John cheers for you.

“Damn!” he laughs, looking at you, “Maybe you should be the assassin in the family.”

You let out a small laugh as you pause the game and set the controller down on the table, “Yeah, for being an assassin, you’re terrible at shooting games.”

“The aiming is way off, trust me.” he says, and you cock up your eyebrow to tease him. “I’m…good. You know this.”

You laugh loudly, “Are you bragging, Mr. Wick?”

“Maybe,” John smirks as he leans back to kiss you.

Kissing John softly, you inhale deeply as you move to sit down next to him, and you wrap his arm around your shoulder. You know he’s probably still wondering what’s going on with you, so you figure now is a good time to tell him, but he stops you before you can even open your mouth.

“You’re…still happy, right?” he asks, and you look up at him as you nod. “I know you’re happy with Ronan and all, but I mean me. I still make you happy, right?”

“Yes!” you sit up more and turn to face John as you reach for his hands, “John, you make me so unbelievably happy. Wait, is that why you did the bath and the flowers earlier?”

John shrugs as he looks down, “I would do that for you anyway, but I just thought maybe you didn’t like me anymore. I wanted to show you that I still like you.”

“I like you,” you tilt his chin up and smile, “I like you a lot. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone before. I also love you too. I like you and I love you.”

John smiles, “Good, because I like you and I love you too.”

“I promise I am still as crazy about you as I was when I met you. Actually, I’m even crazier about you, which almost seems impossible at this point.” you say, looking down as John grips your hand, “Baby, I am so in love with you. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life. You’re the best daddy to our amazing little bug, and you’re the best husband in this world. Of course I’m biased though.”

Taking a deep breath, John reaches over and places his hand on your cheek, smiling when you lean into it for the warmth, “I just don’t want you to be unhappy.”

“I’m definitely not unhappy.” you put your legs over John’s lap and scoot closer to him, smiling when he pulls you even closer to him. You look out the window and sigh a little, “I just feel like I’ve kind of lost myself lately. I just feel like I’m not me anymore. I feel like I’m just a mom and a wife--and it’s not that I don’t love those things because I do! I love being a mom and wife so much. I love being your wife and I love being Ronan’s mom.”

John nods, “Right.”

“It’s like every day I wake up and put on some unflattering clothing, put my hair up into a messy bun because I don’t have time to do it and I just go about my day. Lately I haven’t been taking the time to get ready in the morning. I haven’t been doing my hair and my makeup. I feel so gross and I feel like I’m just not me anymore. I don’t feel like sexy anymore.”

“What?”

You nod, “I used to get so dressed up and wear sexy stuff, and I don’t feel like that way anymore. I just wear…mom clothes. I know that this isn’t all the time and it’s just a little slump that I’m in but I feel like I can’t get out of it right now. I know that next week I probably won’t feel this way, but for now, this is how I feel.”

“You are so sexy, Y/N. I’m not just saying that.” he says, and you blush. “I know you won’t believe me because you don’t feel that way right now, but trust me, you’re sexy.”

“I’ve gotten lazy, I think.”

John shakes his head, “You’re tired. And I get it. It’s tiring having a baby. I’m tired too!”

“You sure? You’re so…energetic.”

“Because I’ve just always been like this. I’ve always been go, go, go since I was young. But I get tired. I practically fell asleep at my workbench the other night when you took Ronan out. I actually laid down on the couch and slept, which is why I stayed up until almost 3 AM that night so I could finish the book I was working on.”

You sigh as you look up at him with sad eyes, “I sent my daughter to my mom’s house so I could relax and spend time with my husband. I’m such a bad mom.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad mom at all.” he says sincerely, “Baby, you do so much for Ronan--it’s hard to take care of a baby. You are not a bad mom.”

You look down as you tear up, “I feel guilty for needing a moment to myself. I feel like it makes me a bad mom.”

“It doesn’t.” John cups your face and brings your gaze to his, “Wanting alone time is good! You deserve time for yourself, it’s a way to recharge and be a good mom.”

“But you don’t need time for yourself.”

John laughs, “I do, and I get that when I work on my books in the basement. Ro is too little to go down there right now so you usually stay with her upstairs when I’m working down there.”

“That’s true, plus apparently you nap.” you laugh quietly, and John smiles as he leans over to wipe away your tears. “I just think I needed a day to recharge and relax, and I got that today because of you.”

“You deserve that, but I don’t ever want you to get to this point again, okay? Next time you’re starting to feel a little run down, tell me. I’ll take care of the rest.”

You look down as your chin wobbles, then you gasp for air as you look up at John, “Do you think she thinks I’m a bad mom?”

“Sweetheart, no,” John pulls you into his arms as you cry, and he presses a kiss to your forehead, “She does not think you’re a bad mom. She loves you. I bet she can’t wait to see you tonight when we pick her up.”

Looking down, you hide your face in your hands as John holds you, and he leaves his lips pressed to your forehead as you try to calm down. You tilt your head back to look at John, and he smiles as he carefully wipes away the tears on your cheeks.

John really is your best friend, and he’s the absolute man of your dreams. He knows just what to say to make you feel better and he knows exactly what you need.

“I love you.” he whispers, holding your gaze as he leans down to kiss you, “You’re an amazing mom and wife, but you’re not just a mom and wife. You’re a business owner, a friend, a sister, a daughter. You’re the most amazing woman I know.”

You chuckle softly, “I’m failing in the wife area, to be honest. You thought I wasn’t happy anymore.”

“No, I think I’m just paranoid.” he says, and you look up at him, “Everything is going so well for us. We have a great marriage, our sex life is a solid 10 out of 10, definitely no complaints there, Mrs. Wick. Everything is going so well, I just get paranoid that it’s too good.”

“You really think I’m going to just leave you?”

John shakes his head as he shrugs, “I just worry that something bad is going to happen when things get too good.”

“Things have been good for almost three years now, has anything bad happened?” you ask, and John shakes his head. “Exactly! Because you deserve all of this. Everything that you have, you deserve. Your family, your friends, your wife, your daughter--you deserve these things, baby.”

Wrapping his arms around you, John pulls you closer to him as he kisses you tenderly as you move to straddle his waist. He buries his face in your chest and inhales deeply before he looks up at you.

“We’re far from perfect, aren’t we?”

John laughs as he nods his head, “We’re perfect for each other, I know that.”

You dramatically go limp in John’s arms, falling against his chest, “You’ve done it, Wick. You’ve killed me. Yet again!”

A small chuckle escapes from John’s lips as he leans back to look at you, “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, a little.” you say, and he raises his brows, “I don’t know! I’m feeling like 17 different emotions. On one hand, I just wanted to spend the day with you, then on the other, I want to be sitting here with Ronan between us while we watch a movie. I also want to go out with my friends for the first time in a while and just have fun, but I also want to put on lingerie and just let you rip it off of me. I don’t know. My emotions are everywhere.”

John blinks up at you, “Um, can we go back to the part where you said you wanted me to rip lingerie off of you, because we can absolutely do that. Right now, even.”

“Of course you only heard that.”

“I didn’t only hear that!” he laughs, squeezing your sides, “I heard it all, and if you wanted to hang out with your friends tonight, I would be absolutely okay with that. I would be okay with doing whatever you want to do tonight.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and lean down to kiss him, “I want to do this. I want to spend the day with you.”

“Good, because I want to spend the day with you.” he whispers against your lips, rubbing your sides, “Seriously though, how are you feeling now?”

“I still feel a little guilty though for wanting to just spend time with you. Especially when you always seem to be fine. I remember when I was pregnant, we would always say how we’d never get to the point where we don’t date each other, and here we are.”

John laughs, “We’re not there, baby. Definitely not. We still have date nights, I still surprise you with gifts and days for us alone. I will admit that these past few weeks have been a little tough on us. Having a baby is hard. The day she was born, our lives changed in so many ways. So many ways that we didn’t even expect. It’s hard to have a kid, it’s hard to navigate life with a kid. No one thinks you’re a bad mom.”

You inhale deeply and look up at him, “Okay.”

“Hey,” John cups your face and smiles when you look at him, “And trust me, I want to spend time with you--just you. I had my hand down your pants the other day, and I was so damn happy, but someone interrupted us with her crying. When you came back into the room, you were just tired, so I let you go to bed.”

A smile spreads across your face as you look at John, “You were sad?”

“I was a bit sad, I won’t lie.” he chuckles, then he looks up at you, “You know that I still love you and want you, and I…need you. Baby, I couldn’t function without you in my life.”

You cup John’s face in your hands as you lean down to kiss him, tilting your head to the side for a better angle. You wrap your arms around John’s neck as he grips your waist, then he holds tight to you as he gets off of the couch and walks up the stairs with you in his arms.

John gently lays you down on the bed and smiles before he begins to kiss down your entire body. He stands up at the end of the bed and holds your gaze as he unbuttons your shorts and pulls them down, then he licks his lips when he pulls your underwear off and you spread your legs open.

Closing your eyes, you smile to yourself as John sucks and kisses on your thighs, then he pulls you closer to him when he kneels on the floor. You hum loudly when John buries his face between your legs as he gently licks and sucks on your clit, then he uses two fingers to part your lips to dive in deeper.

“Shit…” you arch your back and reach down to run your fingers through John’s hair, “Fuck, baby.”

“Mm,” John looks up at you as he licks his lips, “So good.”

Arching your back, you throw your head back and grab the sheets as John slowly shakes his head back and forth between your legs, and you let out a loud moan when his nose bumps your clit. You whimper loudly as you sit up to watch John, and he holds your gaze while he begins licking you feverishly and relentlessly.

“Fuck…” you try to move away from John when you feel like you’re about to come, but he holds your hips tight and winks at you. “I don’t wanna come without you.”

John gives you one final lick before he stands up and unbuttons his jeans, pulling himself out of his pants. He rests his hands on either side of your head as he lays down on top of you, and you both look down, watching as you slide him between your legs.

Pumping his hips slowly, John holds your gaze and smiles, then he leans down to kiss you, and you taste yourself on his lips. He pulls your shirt up so he’s able to see your breasts, and he licks his lips before leaning down to suck on your pierced nipple. You whine loudly as you arch your back, and you close your eyes when John thrusts his hips deep and slow, nearly slipping from between your legs with every thrust.

“You’re so wet.” he whispers, smirking when he looks at you, “I love it.”

Closing your eyes, you pull John down to kiss you since you know you’re about to come, and you cling to him as you whimper and moan, almost screaming his name every time his hips pound down on yours.

“Look at me, baby.” John whispers as he lays down on you more, slowing his thrusts down and taking his time with you, “I love you. Never forget that. I love you more than anything in this world.”

“I love…” you moan quietly, squeezing your eyes shut, “I love you too.”

John pecks your cheek and sits up, then he begins to jerk his hips harder and faster to help bring on your orgasms. You grip John’s biceps in your hands as you spread your legs further, and as soon as John begins rubbing circles on your clit, you immediately start to shake and whimper loudly as you come.

“Oh, fuck…” John murmurs as he looks down at you, watching as the pleasure takes over, then he lays down on top of you as he jerks his hips, filling your core with his warmth.

The two of you stay in each other’s arms as you try to catch your breath, and you press kisses to John’s cheek as he lays on top of you. Inhaling deeply, you close your eyes and hug him even more to keep him in place.

“Just like you need me, I need you.” you whisper to John, and he sits up a little to look at you. “I couldn’t do any of this without you, John.”

John smiles as he leans down to kiss you, leaving his lips there for a moment and savoring the taste and feeling of your lips pressed together. He inhales deeply and leans back to look at you, then he sits up and begins to smother your face and body in kisses as you laugh loudly trying your best to scoot away from him.

“Get back here,” he laughs, grabbing your legs and pulling you back to him, “Why don’t you and I go grab some dinner in a little bit? I know you just had lunch, but maybe we can get some dinner tonight then we’ll pick up Ronan?”

“Sounds good.” you say softly as you cup John’s face, “How did I get so lucky?”

John shrugs as he smiles, “How did I get so lucky?”

__

Walking into your mom’s house, you hear her singing quietly to Ronan as she bounces her in her arms. She leans her cheek against the top of her head and smiles as she closes her eyes, walking back and forth in the kitchen. You tiptoe a little closer as to not wake Ronan if she’s sleeping, but when she notices you from over your mom’s shoulder, she reaches out as she calls out for you.

“Mama.” she says, reaching out with little grabby hands and bouncing with excitement. “Mama, mama, mama.”

“Hi, bug!” you smile as you walk over to her, taking her from your mom and kissing her cheek repeatedly, “Oh, my goodness, I missed you so much today. Did you have fun with grandma?”

Your mom chuckles, “She’s like a little bullet and so damn inquisitive!”

“Yeah, we had to get covers for all the outlets at home because she’s so curious.” you smile as you hold Ronan close to your chest, inhaling the scent of baby soap. “She’s like our little shadow right now. Whenever John is, Ronan is right behind him.”

You loved having the day for just you and John, but every time you’re away from Ronan for more than an hour, you remember how much you love her and how your world revolves around her. She is the center of your universe, and a day doesn’t go by that you aren’t thankful for all that you have. A beautiful daughter and an amazing husband. An amazing husband who is dying to come hold you and your baby.

“Dada,” Ronan whispers as she looks up at John, reaching for his beard, and he leans down a little for her to be able to grab it.

John chuckles as Ronan tugs his beard lightly, then he playfully nibbles on her hands, causing her to squeal with delight. She bounces so wildly in your arms that you have to hand her over to John, and you shake your arms when John has a good grip on her.

“Man, she’s getting heavy too.” you laugh, shaking your head as you lean over to kiss her cheek, “You’re gettin’ so big, aren’t you, bug?”

Your mom gestures to the couch, and you all follow behind her to sit down. John places Ronan on the floor so she can play with some toys, then he reaches for your hand when he sits down next to you.

“How was your day?” your mom asks, cocking up her eyebrow a little--of course John probably told her why he was dropping off Ronan.

“It was good,” you nod as you look over at John, “It was really good. Just what I needed.”

Your mom looks down at John holding your hand, then she looks up at you with tears in her eyes, “Everything is okay with you two, right?”

“Yes!” you laugh, taking John’s hand in both of yours, “Of course.”

Exhaling, your mom puts her hand over her heart, “Oh, good. Jonathan didn’t tell me anything when he dropped off Ronan, but he seemed a little…unsettled, and he was inching his way to the door just to get back to you.”

You smile as you look over at John, and he smiles bashfully as he looks down. You look back at your mom and shrug, “I was so tired this morning, and I don’t know if it makes me a bad mom, but I just needed some alone time, and some time with my husband.”

“That does not make you a bad mom, honey. You’re a wonderful mother, look at your baby.” she says, and you look down at Ronan stands between your legs and grins up at you. “She’s doing so well and that’s all because of you and John. Taking time for yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom. And wanting to spend time alone with your husband doesn’t make you a bad mom either. How else are you going to give me more grandbabies?”

“Mom, ew.” you scrunch your face up and shake your head, and your mom and John both start to laugh. Ronan babbles loudly as she walks back to her toys, and you shrug as you look up at your mom, “I just felt guilty for wanting to spend time with John. I don’t want Ronan to think I don’t love her.”

“When Ronan is 13 and wants to hang out with her friends instead of you, will you think she doesn’t love you?” your mom asks, and you shake your head. “Exactly. Honey, she knows you love her. We all know how much you love your baby. I promise that no one, including your daughter, will think you’re a bad mom for taking some time for yourself. Having some alone time and focusing on yourself will help you be an even better mom, if that’s even possible.”

John pats your thigh and smiles, “See, I told you!”

Looking up at John, you smile at him as you lean over to rest against his shoulder, “John said all those things to me too, but part of me thought it was just John being John.”

“Honey, you’re very lucky to have a man like him.” she says, and you nod your head, “I know you know that. And Jonathan is just as lucky to have you. If the roles were reversed, I know you’d do the same thing Jonathan did. You two have a very healthy relationship.”

You let out a small laugh as you sit up, “Mom, you’re starting to sound like a therapist.”

“Well, I give good advice.” she says, shrugging as she smiles. “Get out of here, you three. I’m sure you’re ready to put this one down for the night.”

John gets up to pack Ronan’s bag, then he slings it over his shoulder before he leans down to pick up Ronan, “We gotta go for our nightly walk too.”

“Hey, where’s dad?” you ask, looking around the house.

Your mom laughs, “Well, you know him, he’s so friendly. He met a friend, and your dad is now part of a bowling league.”

“Wow,” you laugh loudly, shaking your head, “Go figure that Dan would find something like that here.”

“Gives me some alone time.” she says, then she looks up at you, “See? Alone time is good!”

You smile as you lean over to hug your mom, then you look at Ronan as John presses kisses to her cheek, “We better get out of here.”

“Say bye to grandma,” John says, walking over to your mom so she can kiss Ronan goodbye, then he reaches down to hug her, “Thanks for taking her on such short notice.”

“Ah, I don’t mind. I always love having her. I had Finn for a little bit earlier too.” she walks with you to the door, then she touches your back to get your attention, “You’re a wonderful mother, and I couldn’t be prouder of the extraordinary woman you’ve become. I’m so proud of you.”

Immediately tearing up, you look down as your chin wobbles, “Thanks, mom. I learned from the best.”

Your mom lets out one big laugh, “Let’s end this conversation here, that was quite the compliment.”

“Love you, mom. We’ll call you this weekend.” you say as you walk onto the porch, then you smile at her from over your shoulder, “Bye.”

__

You’re clinging to John’s arm as he pushes Ronan in her stroller, and every so often, he leans down to kiss you. He smiles tenderly when you meet his gaze, and he leans down to whisper that he loves you in your ear before you cross the street.

“Thank you for today.” you say, looking up at him, “I’m so lucky to have you, I hope you know that.”

John puts his left arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer to him so he can press a kiss to the top of your head, “I’m lucky to have you!”

Ronan babbles loudly and kicks her legs, so you lean down to look at her as she chews on her hands. Bleu is walking closely to the stroller, like he always does, and he sniffs Ronan when she makes noise.

“We did a good job, huh?” you ask, and John furrows his brow a little, “Our little girl. She’s so perfect. Nothing will change my mind about it, you and I were meant to be. You were meant to meet me, just so we could bring her into this world. I fully believe that.”

John smiles as he nods, “Me too. I also believe that I was meant to meet you just so you could show me what it was to be happy again. I’m so happy with you, I haven’t ever felt this happy.”

You stop walking as you reach up to wrap your arms around John’s neck, and he pulls you closer as he presses his lips to yours. The two of you are a little caught up in one another as you make out, and you don’t even notice Jimmy and Tess walking towards you.

“Ew, you two are so gross! They are families around here!” Tess teases, then she smiles when you look over at her.

When Finn notices Ronan in her stroller, he runs over to her, saying her name over and over. He finally reaches her, and Ronan squeals with delight as the two babble to one another.  

Finn is a big fan of Ronan, and he’s usually always hugging her and kissing her. You’re fairly certain they’re going to best friends when they’re older.

“What did you two get up to today?”

You take a deep breath and look at John before you look over at Tess, “Nothing, really. John dropped Ronan off with mom for a little bit, then we just spent the day together just hanging out.”

“Oh, cool,” Tess nods, then she cocks up her eyebrow a little when John moves to talk to Jimmy. She looks back at you and furrows her brow, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you nod as you take Ronan out of her stroller when she reaches for you, then you hand her to Tess when she leans towards her, “Yeah, I was just super tired, so John took Ro to mom’s house for a bit so we could spend some time together.”

Tess widens her eyes and gasps, “Are you pregnant?”

“What? No!” you laugh, then you shake your head when John looks at you, “I’m not. I’ve just been so exhausted lately. Life is just taking a toll, and on top of it, Ronan’s teething. I just think I was a little overwhelmed. John brought Ronan to mom’s house, and the two of us just hung out. It was nice to just be husband and wife for a bit.”

Cocking up her eyebrow, Tess smirks and nudges your arm, “I bet.”

You know that you’re not in alone in the way you were feeling earlier, so you decide to ask Tess. “When you first had Finn, did you start to feel like you were losing yourself?”

Tess laughs, “Yes, all the time. For the first year of his life, I didn’t know who the hell I was. I felt so lost. I felt like I wasn’t me anymore.”

“I just feel like…I’m nothing more than a mom.”

“Yeah,” she nods, then she smiles, “But it’s just a feeling. It’s not true. You’re more than just a mom. You’re so much more than that.”

You sigh, “I love being a mom though.”

“So do I, but sometimes it’s nice to just be a wife,” she says, and you look at her, “Or a friend, or a sister. Or just a fucking woman! Jimmy took Finn to his parents for the weekend and we just spent time together, we went out with you and John for dinner. I got in bed that night and sobbed because I missed my baby. Motherhood is complicated.”

“Yeah, you can say that again.”

Tess laughs, “Motherhood is fucking complicated!”

“Anyway, I feel much better now. I talked with John, and we had a good day.” you smile as John walks over to you, standing behind you and putting his hands on your shoulders.

“We should do it more often.” John says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You nod in agreement, then you smile at Tess, “We better get home and put this little bug to bed.”

Tess bounces Ronan in her arms and kisses her, then she kneels down so Finn can kiss her too. You smile as Ronan leans over to give Finn a kiss, and then he looks up at you and reaches up.

“Give auntie a kiss,” Jimmy says, and he smiles when you lean down to kiss Finn, “And uncle John.”

John picks up Finn in his arms and kisses his cheek, then he sets him back as Finn giggles--he’s still pretty obsessed with John, “Bye, Finny.”

“Bye-bye.” Finn says, then he turns around to play in the grass as the rest of you say goodbye.

Taking Ronan from Tess, you smile at her, “Hey, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I want to try some photography. Maybe I can get some pictures of you and Ronan?” she asks as you back away, and you nod. “Maybe I can even get Mr. Wick to join us?”

John laughs, “Yeah, maybe. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight!” Tess waves, then she turns around and reaches for Jimmy’s hand as Finn walks in front of them.

You hold Ronan tight in your arms as she leans against your chest, and John looks over at you and gestures to the stroller. You shake your head and lean your cheek against the top of her head as you continue walking down the street.

“You still look so good with a baby.” John says, and you chuckle as you look up at him. “She’s really looking like you right now. That dimple in her cheek just kills me. Yours too.”

You look down at Ronan as she stares at John, playing with the sleeve of your shirt. A smile spreads across her face, showing off that little dimple, and she sits up a little as she giggles when John leans closer to her face.

“She’s pretty crazy about her daddy. Guess we also have that in common.”

John smiles as he looks down at you and wraps his arm around your shoulder, then he lets go as you all head back to the house. John quickly puts away the stroller in the closet and looks over at Ronan as she struggles to keep her eyes open.

“She’s tired. I’ll make her a bottle.” he says, leaving for the kitchen as you walk up to Ronan’s room.

Placing Ronan on her changing table, you change her diaper and talk to her while you get her into her pajamas, “I hope you know how much I love you, bug. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You and your daddy are my entire world, and I love you both endlessly.” you snap Ronan’s pajamas shut, then you bounce her in your arms as you wait for John to bring up the bottle, “Momma just needed some time to herself today with daddy. He’s a pretty good guy, we really lucked out with him. Makes me sad to think about what he’d be up to if I hadn’t met him.”

“I would likely be dead.” John says, and you smile as you turn around, “I would be sad, I would be…incomplete. This right here, you and Ronan, this is what I needed.”

You laugh tearfully, “You make it so easy to fall in love with you.”

John walks over to you as you sit down in the rocking chair to feed Ronan, then he pulls up the footstool and watches as Ronan’s eyes begin to flutter open and shut. She drinks part of her bottle before she falls asleep, and the bottle slips from between her lips as she finally falls into a deep sleep.

“I just wanna keep her this age forever.” you whisper as you look down at her, “I hate that she’s growing up, but I also love how much she’s learning and growing.”

John nods as he leans over to rub her cheek, “I will admit, sometimes I do miss that tiny baby we brought home from the hospital.”

“Me too.” you laugh as you stand up from the chair, then you press a soft kiss to Ronan’s cheek before you hand her over to John. “Goodnight, bug.”

John holds Ronan in his arms for a few moments before he kisses her cheek, then he carefully places her in her bed, “Goodnight, baby girl.”

You and John reach for each other’s hands as you look down at Ronan, then you turn on her nightlight and noise machine before leaving the room. John looks down at you and smiles as you walk down the hallway towards your room, and he winks at you, causing you to get a little flustered.

You look down at John’s watch and smirk when you look back up at him, “It’s only a little after 8…”

“Yeah, it sure is.” he says, letting go of your hand as you walk a little faster to the bedroom. “Round 2, Mrs. Wick?”

Biting your lip, you nod your head and wrap your arms around his neck, “Yes, please.”

__

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[arsenalgbt]

there’s so much to touch on in the new chapter but there are some small stuff that i didn’t get to mention in my comment!!

kai referred to dec as the dog’s dad… and though he was still a bit hot and cold with the dogs, dec is kinda growing to them and growing to the idea of being their dad (or being a dad in general!!!) question is, has kai always referred to dec (in relation to the dogs) that way, or has this changed over time?

also i NEED to know what the hospitalisation is about… it seems crucial to their relationship’s development!!!

also dec rarely ever talking or seeing kai’s family (leon especially) mirroring how kai is not close with leah either!! it would be interesting to see dec meeting leon irl later and how that might pan out hmmm

and lastly, and i’ve been thinking about this since reading the chapter… is dec a pecs (tits) person… and might we see something with it as kai gets more plump when he gets more preggers……..

😭

best believe kai has always referred Declan as his dogs' other dad OK!!!!! despite Declan's obvious, apparent, gigantic indifference towards his kids 😭 they're both insane about eo imo!!

the hospitalisation, thanks to kt anon iktr I have the most logical painful reason why LMAO wait for it~

oh man... yeah I love writing kids, so Declan and Leon. imagine Leon expressing his blatant disdain at the one who's taking his kai awayyyyyyyyyyy

CRYING YEAH UR CORRECT. but! it's more like! Declan KNOWS kai never means it whenever he whimpers at him to stop playing with his sensitive nipples, remember, so. like! Declan loves making his husband feel good. he will become a tits person if he has to! as long as kai is happy ya feel me!!!!!! like I said they're both insane about eo 😭😭😭